Mentoring - those who are well (or better) reassuring those who struggle.

[[De...]]

Thanks, we all need to know we’ll get to a better place if we are patient and persistent.

🌸

[[Ma...]]

Hi everyone,

 

One of the things I loved during my taper is when an old timer would come back and give a few words of encouragement. I also loved hearing that someone had healed from some weird symptom that I currently had. There were times I thought I would not heal. There were times I thought I was unique and different and worse than anyone. There were times I thought I had used the wrong method somewhere along the line and had done my system permanent damage.

 

I think these feelings of uniqueness are common. So let's start this little thread and see if the people who have gotten better with come by and say how they are. This is a sort of reaching back of the hands from those who have gone before to those who are now in the thick of it.

 

I posted a comment on my progress log a few days ago, meant mostly for encouragement, but not many people read it, so I will put parts of it here. I hope people will join me. It's a wonderful feeling to offer encouragement. It's a wonderful feeling to receive encouragement. 

 

Flip

 

Thank you flipbrain, we all need positive, hopeful success stories!!  Mary ☮️🙏💞

[[Fa...]]

For those who are healed who are helping here:

 

Did you get to a point where you could just "see" how you SHOULD be able to "snap out of it" or "push through" the end?

Like, my brain is 'clearer' (I don't have that thick/heavy/dp/dr feeling) . . . but yet I feel an undertow of anxiety/depression and the inability to be my old happy normal self.  It's like I'm in a fight with someone but I don't know who, or I'm sad about something but I don't know what.

TV still feels weird.

It's like my brain "glitches" sometimes.  I was driving home yesterday at the top of a hill looking down toward a lake and all of a sudden I couldn't comprehend the concept of a lake.  Try to explain THAT to someone who isn't going through this!  The only place I can ask about it is here.

I get glitches of feeling "unreal".  Brief, fleeting, but there nonetheless.

My head feels heavy.  Like someone added some extra weight in there somewhere and I'm trying to adjust to how to carry it.

SO weird.

Yet, through all of that I sense a closeness to healing.  At least a LOT farther away from acute than a year ago, that's for sure!

 

I hope someone can relate.  I need positive, encouraging things to read that I'm going to survive this, that the best of my days aren't behind me, that this isn't permanent, etc.

 

Hugs to everyone. 

[[Ro...]]

I love your healing story. Thanks for sharing it!!

[[Ka...]]

Hi everyone, First Thankyou for your help on here,l am struggling at the moment, l wonder if anyone can help? I just got better from a setback which lasted a year due to severe stress then l was given an antibiotic and steroid for chest infection, through this l have been in another setback for 8months and l am frighted l won’t get better with this one due to too much damage l would be so greatful if anyone can give me some reassurance.Thankyou Love Katxx

[[Fl...]]

Thank you all for your posts of hope and courage. I'm going to try to answer specific questions.

 

FakeIt - The "undertow" as you so aptly put it, is something I remember. Just this general malaise, unrealness, like I wasn't participating in anything real, sometimes like I wasn't real. And yes, anxiety and depression were rampant. I watched the same tv show over and over because I couldn't follow plots of new shows. Honestly now, I am bored with tv. That hasn't changed. It mostly seems a waste of time now.

Concept of a lake being unreal - not a lake, but I do remember the concept of "outside" being unreal and somewhat terrifying and I have often tried to figure out which side of the road I should really be on.

I hope your sense of "closeness to healing" is a precursor of things to come very soon for you.

The only advice I have except for the passage of time is that we have choices in this life to find meaning or to just coast and our anxiety and depression I think is directly linked to that choice. The single best cure I know for anxiety and depression is to stretch yourself beyond what you're comfortable with and to help someone who is worse off than you are.

I do not know how old you are, but I do know that if you are breathing and thinking and feeling, that there is plenty of life left in you to reach out to someone who is not even sure that life is worth it and to use your bottomed out experience to encourage them and to to tell them that they matter, that they are here for  a reason and that the world needs them. I hope you find comfort and peace and a forward looking outlook. This is the single hardest thing I have ever done and I suspect its also true for you. You absolutely can do this. Reach deep. Its there. I promise.

 

Katrina - Its unfortunate that you have the added weight of a steroid and an antibiotic, but this has happened to many, many people and they have still healed. The flouroquinilones are particular offenders for us, it seems and if you can avoid them, you'll be better off. I too had steroids and antibiotics, and unfortunately twice I had fluoroqinilones (Avelox and Cipro). They knocked me on my butt, but I did recover. I had to do a very plant heavy, clean diet in order to recover, but I DID recover and so will you!

 

Everyone - Good grief the pain of this is terrible, isn't it. I had almost forgotten the despair. You guys, take heart and do what it takes to say, "I am doing everything I know how to do to heal." For me that is Centering Prayer, the best food that money can buy, yoga, shooting basketball hoops, saunas, eating meals with beloved family, listening to uplifting podcasts at night before bed, drinking clean water, walking barefoot on the ground, touching the cheek of a loved one, gathering up my deaf, blind dog with all the tenderness I can muster, having an attitude of gratefulness and a deep desire to pour out all the love I feel to those who suffer. May you all take heart in your journey. If there are times you are tempted to quit, don't. No kidding. Do. Not. Quit. Life is too beautiful on the other side. It is too infused with meaning and engagement. Part of it is time and healing, and part of it is this intense desire to participate in the beauty. I wish I could be more clear, but that's about the best I can do. Life is stunningly wonderful if we choose it to be.

[[Ka...]]

Hi Flip,Thankyou for your most welcome post, could l ask? did you suffer after the AB and steroid as well as the other culprit(can’t remember the name) l am so frighted this is for good now, is it normal for it to be lasting all this time (8months) ? l am in a really bad wave at the moment please tell me this will pass. Love Kat xx

[[Fa...]]

Thank you SO very much for the response. It was very helpful and encouraging!

[[Fp...]]

Hi all,

Im 5 months off ativan. My main symptoms are lightheadedness, slight dizziness, difficulty focusing my eyes, tingling sensations, and mild depression. My biggest problem is the feeling of not being myself. I feel so unattached from life. I see people living normal lives, laughing, smiling, carrying on conversations and living life without thinking about every second and every side effect. Im 5 months out and fear that this may be my new normal. Can anyone give me hope that everything Im feeling is all due to BWD and that it will all fade with time.

Thank you,

Fp

[[za...]]

I feel this detachment at almost 5 months as well. Hang in there, it is temporary.

 

Hugs of healings,

Mary

[[De...]]

I’m at the end of my almost two year taper. I’m not deeply interested in much, but I’m trying to get involved with things and I’m beginning to read again, which was my past time of all times. Also, doing some gardening. I lost most of my friends to interdose withdrawl and tapering, but most of my friends were on Xanax, that’s how it all started. We were a group of women that saw taking a Xanax to cope with a stressful situation as something normal, we are from the time Xanax was seeing as a non addictive option to dealing with life’s stresses.

We’ll see what life without benzos brings.

Stay well

[[Fl...]]

The talk of detachment got me to thinking about the last few years and I can clearly see that it was one of the last things to go. Even my first few years of school I felt like I wasn’t really there. I’d say I was almost in a dissociative state much of the time.

 

One of my journal entries from back then talks about doing the next right thing, not doing anything destructive and trying to treat people with kindness. Even at that, I now have some fairly deep sadness about loved ones I was not very present for. I did the best I could do, so I don’t really have regrets, but I do have sadness over missed connections.

 

This process utterly changed me. I feel pretty lucky to have survived it. I have a new focus now and things that used to feel important no longer do. I decidedly did not get my old life back; I think I got a better one back. Life has a lot more meaning now.

 

Someone asked an additional question about the antibiotics and the truth is I just don’t know. I do know a lot of people not associated with benzo s do very poorly on some antibiotics, especially the fluoriquinilones. I personally plan to avoid them unless I am in a life or death situation.

 

Hope everyone is hanging in there. It gets better and better and better. Soon you won’t even remember how it felt until someone mentions one of your symptoms and then you’ll be amazed that it’s gone.

 

Eat clean. Treat yourself with respect. I can’t say this enough. It’s a game changer.

❤️

Flip

[[Fp...]]

 

One of my journal entries from back then talks about doing the next right thing, not doing anything destructive and trying to treat people with kindness. Even at that, I now have some fairly deep sadness about loved ones I was not very present for. I did the best I could do, so I don’t really have regrets, but I do have sadness over missed connections.

 

This process utterly changed me. I feel pretty lucky to have survived it. I have a new focus now and things that used to feel important no longer do. I decidedly did not get my old life back; I think I got a better one back. Life has a lot more meaning now.

 

 

 

Those are some good words of widom! Thank you!

[Guest [Lu...]]

I have found in life that you can at once be in great distress yourself, and yet still aid another, and by doing so, perhaps both find a small but common measure of peace...

[[Ma...]]

I have found in life that you can at once be in great distress yourself, and yet still aid another, and by doing so, perhaps both find a small but common measure of peace...

 

That's so true 💜🙏☮️

[[no...]]

I have found in life that you can at once be in great distress yourself, and yet still aid another, and by doing so, perhaps both find a small but common measure of peace...

 

thanks Luke that was very inspiring. especially since i've been in the "distress" boat a bit lately...maybe i should reach out to help others more!

[[Fi...]]

I new on this thread and am posting for.support.

 

My life stopped in Novenber of 2018 after a brutal withdrawal from Lamictal where I had to jump after a paradoxical reaction.

I then was put on a benzo after I couldn't function.  Nobody forced me and its the second time I am on them. 

 

I know I have about a year of tapering in front of me and I feel absolutely discouraged and heartbroken at the prospect.  I just turned 60 this year and feel I've been through the wringer. 

 

I have felt a little improvement in the past few weeks but I know what lies ahead as I taper. 

 

I just want to know that there is still life to be lived and that I can once and for all get off of all meds.

[[Al...]]

Final Healing,

 

I totally understand how you feel.

I have been tapering for years myself and am still only down to 1.26 of V.

 

I am 63 and want my life back before it is too late.

 

I’m sure you will be just fine. Stay positive and remember all you have learned along the way. 👍

 

ATU🙏

[[or...]]

Hi ATU!

 

Don't despair . . . you'll get there. I tapered seemingly forever, but finally it was overrrrrr! Yay! And I got my life back. You will too. And I'm (ahem) a little older than you.

 

Hope you are doing okay today, my friend.

 

Katz

[[Fi...]]

Thank you so much ATU. 

 

It's just so tiring after awhile to face this every day.  I know now why people fall to the temptation of CT.  I'm not going to do that but I understand it.

 

You are very low on Valium at this point but I understand it can seem like a lot.

 

It's good to know that we are not alone.

 

Thank you again for your words.

 

Final

[[Al...]]

FH,

 

I go through a period of major sxs about 10-15 days after a cut then they begin to ebb away but I an still very vulnerable to injury and illness during those days 15-22 or so.

 

Every time the sxs come it’s like facing them anew each time.

We have carried this burden for some time now and we are being hardened for a great future!

 

ATU🙏

[[Fi...]]

ATU,

 

I totally understand.  I feel so vulnerable during this benzo taper, much more than any other taper.  Only now just being able to go outside a little bit on my own.

 

Praying for a taper that is not filled with too much pain.

 

Final

[[Al...]]

FH,

 

Not sure there is such a taper with no pain. I have never heard of one. Of course there is that other percentage of people who we are can come off Benzos with no issues but I have never known one.

 

If is what it is and we just have face it and find a cut size and cut rate that suits us as individuals.

 

I personally am cutting very small amounts each time. I could probably cut more but I would need some bed ridden time and I can’t afford that, I need to be up and at work by 7 each morning.

 

Sometimes I wish I had no responsibilities at all during this but that’s not very practiced because even just seeing grandkids or looking after life’s chores require some responsibility.

 

 

I can only hope that I have the strength to carry on with what I’m doing and seeing it to the end.

 

I have seen people on here older than either of us so that plus Dr. Ashton’s statement that even older folks like us who may have been n them for a long time can come off just as well as anyone.

 

I will say a prayer for us and all who are suffering.

 

Take care

 

ATU🙏

 

[[Fi...]]

Yes, I have to go slowly too because I may have Lyme and am treating for that homepathically.

 

I have also read about people older than us tapering.  I have a friend who is 75 and has been tapering two years after being on then for 4 years.  She is determined and so am I.

 

I lost my livelihood in November but hope to return to my business at some point.

 

I pray for us as well. 

 

Final.

 

[[va...]]

My heart hurts for those who struggle still. The pain of wondering if you will ever heal can be so intense at times that you just want to give up.

 

I found that I had to go to a higher plane to survive this. I remember telling myself that if I survived, I would spend the rest of my life trying to help. I went back to school at 60 and sat in the classroom with 20 year olds who were so smart and so quick. I felt slow and dull. But my heart was sincere and honest and that was enough. I’m not quite licensed. I have about three months to go, and that ok with me because I am getting to sit with people who are in pain.

 

Not everyone has been on a benzo but a big percentage are or have been. Some people are very, very ill and I cannot help them see that benzos are at least a part of the problem. Since I’m not a prescriber, I can’t tell people to change meds in any way. There have been a few that I have shared my story with, but I think mostly no one really believed me.

 

My husband had a stroke in October. He’s some better now but not quite back. My mom is 97 and lives alone but is needing daily help lately. I’ve slowed down work to help them. My husband was my utter strength during my taper. He used to make me food and deliver to to my recliner. Now I don’t even have a recliner. I remember his care and it is my privilege now to serve him.

 

I’m not sure why I’m saying all of this because this thread is not about me; it is about you. I log on here and the pain is just palpable and simply breaks my heart and makes me angry. But I know we cannot spend time in anger. It robs our soul energy. We have to focus on thoughts of love, light, healing. Our bodies are these big vibrational fields and our thoughts affect our vibrations. It’s so important to have thoughts that are seeking life.

 

I’m going to help here as much as I can to give hope, because hope IS there. Unfortunately, I’m not going to have time to respond to PMs. I really regret that. Maybe someday when my life calms down.

 

Sending you all strength and hope. I am in solidarity with all of you. Trust. Treat your body with ultimate respect. Send your brain and body love. Stand in front of a mirror and say, “I love you. You are beautiful. You are healing.”

Walk a few more steps.

❤️

Flip

 

Thank you Filprain. I'll try to stick to the positive thoughts like you say, because the constant negative, fearful thoughts are destroying me.