Mentoring - those who are well (or better) reassuring those who struggle.

[[fi...]]

Flip - thank you so much for your posting and for this thread - I PM'd you when I first joined BB and I appreciated your reply very much.  I am absolutely terrified - staring down the last half of this taper after a failed taper and reinstatement this time last year.  But reading stories like yours gives me such hope......What a gift you are to the cause of educating others on the dangers of these drugs -

 

 

 

 

[[Se...]]

Wanted to add this. It's so wonderful.

 

“Real isn't how you are made,' said the Skin Horse. 'It's a thing that happens to you. When a child loves you for a long, long time, not just to play with, but REALLY loves you, then you become Real.'

 

'Does it hurt?' asked the Rabbit.

 

'Sometimes,' said the Skin Horse, for he was always truthful. 'When you are Real you don't mind being hurt.'

 

'Does it happen all at once, like being wound up,' he asked, 'or bit by bit?'

 

'It doesn't happen all at once,' said the Skin Horse. 'You become. It takes a long time. That's why it doesn't happen often to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept. Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don't matter at all, because once you are Real you can't be ugly, except to people who don't understand.”

 

― Margery Williams, The Velveteen Rabbit

 

As usual, Flip, you make me cry.  And then laugh.  And then cry.

 

This is so beautiful to me.  I am becoming more real, each and every passing year.  I know it in my soul.  And it makes it possible for me to hear others in a way I never could before.  For that, I am profoundly grateful.

 

I am a better person for this experience and strangely, I wouldn't trade that for anything.

 

Now I'm off to find a copy of the Velveteen Rabbit.  Such rare wisdom, and from a horse to boot!  But then, my own horse Flyer has taught me how just to be.  He loves on a grand and magical scale and has brought me back to life.  Even at my sickest in withdrawal, I loved spending time with him.  I was often to sick to do much more than wave a brush around but he always looked forward to my coming and he always loved me, just as I was.

 

It is ALWAYS good to hear from you.  You have helped me and so many others hang in there through the darkest times.

 

Xoxo

Ali

[[MT...]]

So many words I needed to hear today. Thanks Flip and SS. Your healing journeys are an inspiration to those of us still full on in the trenches.

[[of...]]

Hi everyone,

Good to see this thread keeps on being supportive. I'm dropping in to say 4 years off today. Life is full and rich and precious. I still have some tinnitus, actually recently ramped up. I think it's the stress of school and internship.

 

One thing I know for certain, guys, and that is anybody who has managed to endure this benzo taper somewhat intact has mad skills for doing life. I'm not kidding. I find I am way, way, way more tolerant and accepting of things I can't change and equally more motivated to change what I can. I'm becoming more clear on how that one thing I can change is me.

 

There is an alternative version of the Reinhold Neibur serenity prayer circulating around. I like it. It says:

 

God grant me the serenity to accept the people I cannot change,

The courage to change the people I can

And the wisdom to know it's me!

 

I really do think when we emerge from the tunnel, we are equipped to really look with clear eyes and see that the rest of our lives are completely up to us. We can choose to live on our own terms. Material things fall away in importance. Things of connection become ultimately more important. Things of the heart matter more. We begin to want to be the very best, most intentional, most real version of ourselves. We become extraordinarily valuable to know because we become REAL. That's pretty rare in the world.

 

I did a presentation on benzos in an Addictions class this month.  Self disclosed to my classmates. I told the truth and it was meaningful to them. So at least those 17 people believe me enough to go forth into their counseling practices with a different perspective. Plus the place I'm working is extremely careful about prescribing benzos. They only do it for acute anxiety in a cardiac situation. They never do it in the long term. I have not influenced the system. It was already in place. So I think we can begin to expect to see some real changes after a while.

 

I'll check back this afternoon and see if I can answer a question for anyone. I just want to say I respect everyone so much  in the journey they are on. This is maybe the single hardest time in your life in some ways. Please know that it is worth it. It really is. When you no longer know what to do, just do the next right thing, no matter how small it is. No matter if it is just walking to the kitchen, getting a glass of clean water and telling yourself that it will eventually pass and that it will be worth it!

 

Flip

 

Yeah, I came out of this more tolerant towards people and basically just life In general i guess. I dont really get upset about little things anymore. I completely relate with that. And I love that prayer 

[[of...]]

Wow, this thread makes me feel good 

[[Ce...]]

Wow, this thread makes me feel good 

 

 

:laugh: me too! 

[[Su...]]

:)I like the posts here.  Thanks for this one

 

"I really do think when we emerge from the tunnel, we are equipped to really look with clear eyes and see that the rest of our lives are completely up to us. We can choose to live on our own terms. Material things fall away in importance. Things of connection become ultimately more important. Things of the heart matter more. We begin to want to be the very best, most intentional, most real version of ourselves. We become extraordinarily valuable to know because we become REAL. That's pretty rare in the world. "......

 

....(well said!  Very uplifting statement that makes total sense). Thanks for posting your experience after 4 years!!!  Tell us more.  How you got there!!!

 

 

[[fi...]]

:)I like the posts here.  Thanks for this one

 

"I really do think when we emerge from the tunnel, we are equipped to really look with clear eyes and see that the rest of our lives are completely up to us. We can choose to live on our own terms. Material things fall away in importance. Things of connection become ultimately more important. Things of the heart matter more. We begin to want to be the very best, most intentional, most real version of ourselves. We become extraordinarily valuable to know because we become REAL. That's pretty rare in the world. "......

 

....(well said!  Very uplifting statement that makes total sense). Thanks for posting your experience after 4 years!!!  Tell us more.  How you got there!!!

 

I second this!! Thank you!!

[[Li...]]

Following this

[[...]]

Dear Flip, buddies,

I have been tapering for a few years and finally, at 3 mg I am beginning to see clearly, that overwhelming but incredible clarity and dawning has become part of me.  I feel like I have emerged from a thick mist into the light  I feel the heartaches and I feel the joy of life and I don't think I could choose medication again. I am emerging as myself as I was at 18 before I was medicated for "life" back then. 40 years of meds but finally down to just 3 mg and counting down. I doubt myself some days, I get fearful and anxious still but I am my authentic self and I don't ever want to go back to a numbed version of who I was. It is hard to do this taper but I have taken my time because I needed the life lessons on the way. I have faced many situations and will face many more. I believe I can handle everything now. I have been busy with art projects, crafting of all kinds and I just get lost in so many new things that I did not have the focus for in the past. I feel an excitement when I am painting or crafting. I have found what I always wanted to do and I am doing it. I have tapped into myself and I feel whole most of the time. I just have to keep believing and keep talking to myself when I get anxious or afraid. I can hype myself up with worry but I can equally talk myself down to a calmer state of being by being mindful, catching those thoughts and recognising them for what they are. Healing as I go and it is so good. I love this journey in spite of being sick with benzo belly, migraine, head pressure and other stuff right now. My mind is healthy again and repairing. :smitten:

 

Thank you for this thread. I has helped me a lot today. 

 

 

Love Moya XXX

[[He...]]

Hi all, and thanks Moya for that encouraging post. I wish you didn't have to deal with all those sx. I'm only down to 9 mg and I'm feeling that ability to plan and think more clearly already. Today I feel some anxiety but it's probably due to increased exercise in the past 2 weeks. I should say vigorous exercise instead of total sedentary life.

 

BTW I was in tolerance w/d for a couple of years as I had to hold, but now found that with a mt I have less sx than before. So encouraging! Take care everyone, love and aloha, HM

[[2t...]]

This is a good and uplifting thread. Keep the good news coming.

[[...]]

HM,

I found I was healing and could think really clearly and more positively about life once I got below 10 mg. At 3 mg, it is even better but it takes time and work to be well and I am able to do that now. I find exercise is really good for the mind too. Stay well, keep doing what works. We are all in this together.

 

I am just watching the Super Moon here, amazing to see it. :smitten:

 

Love Moya xXX

[[Fl...]]

Moya, isn't it wonderful to feel that creative spark again? Your acceptance deeply humbles me. I don't hear a hint of bitterness at lost years, and I salute your courage. I think only someone who knows the exalted emotions like awe and gratitude can achieve that.

 

I think that same element that lets you watch the moon with that sense of awe will also see you through this journey and beyond.

 

Loving the sense of calm joy I hear here from everyone. Deep gratitude to you all.

 

[[Af...]]

I'm popping in with a link. Flip is under a lot of stress right now and could use our support, appreciation and encouragement. I started this thread for member to post messages to her:

FLIPRAIN - 4YrsFree - Our Chance to say Thank you

http://www.benzobuddies.org/forum/index.php?topic=170341.msg2270030#msg2270030

[[be...]]

Hi Flip:

 

You may not remember me but I sure do remember you. I loved reading your posts as they were such an inspiration for me . I am dealing with my sick and elderly mom so I know what it's like. But I've continued my taper and so far so good. I'm nearly 80% done thanks to you. And that was from a very high dose. I'm so glad that you started this thread and you'll be in my thoughts every day.

 

Many hugs, Betsy ❤️️❤️️❤️️❤️️❤️️

[[Fl...]]

Yes, I do remember you, Betsy. You were one of the few people who were on a higher dose than I was. I marvel at your resilience in your journey downward. It takes a special kind of grace to deal well with an aging parent. I am learning so many lessons in this. I'm learning a fair amount of presence. I've been needing to learn that lesson for a while. I'm sure you know what I mean.

 

Wishing you steadfastness and perserverence.

[[bo...]]

Had read your post Moya and was also applauding you..

I am at .4 mgs of Ativan and holding till after the holidays .. I feel it will be another year but you know what , that's ok.. I can't say I'm enjoying this but am more accepting of the sx 's now. Each day can be so different.... the anxiety and insomnia still grip me but .I find I can concentrate in a book now. I have enjoyed putting my little Xmas tree up and decorating it . I have put lights up outside and watch them twinkle in the dark. It's been years since I have had that level of engagement with my life before .. I don't even feel guilty or ' I should be doing this of that ' as regards the taper. I decided I would hold till Jan and that's what I'm doing..and I think an feel my body and mind appreciate that ' rest' ...

The weather is getting hotter here, and it will be a typical kiwi Xmas I suspect. You know what tomorrow evening I am having 10 friends for drinks !! And not in the least bit worried about ( well maybe just a little apprehensive that all will go well , but in a normal way)  I have not done anything like that in the past 30 years! Certainly without huge panic ..

 

I'm also finding that .I am more tolerant of different people . It's like my personality is changing too . As Moya said I feel more authentic.. it's a delight . I don't have to ' pretend' any more...

 

Sorry to carry on .. just wanted to let you know how things are going. And I really believe I will get there now ! Lots of love and Xmas wishes to you all BB xx

[[ma...]]

Lovely to read this thread, & to hear Flip's steady voice

& feel the good hearts here.

Gracias

 

margaretisabel

[[be...]]

Yes, I do remember you, Betsy. You were one of the few people who were on a higher dose than I was. I marvel at your resilience in your journey downward. It takes a special kind of grace to deal well with an aging parent. I am learning so many lessons in this. I'm learning a fair amount of presence. I've been needing to learn that lesson for a while. I'm sure you know what I mean.

 

Wishing you steadfastness and perserverence.

 

Flip

 

I always thought we were both on ridiculous doses. 👎🏿  But keep on posting as I enjoy them and they help me. Us ole timers. Be well Flip.❤️❤️

[[Fl...]]

Hi Margaretisabel. I was just thinking about you, wondering how you were. It's good to see your name here.

 

Yes, Betsy, I will post as often as is feasible. Plus I just realized/remembered that I was technically on over 100 mg valium equivalent. Good grief! I look at that now in light of patients I see who are in .5 mg Xanax 3x a day and the doctors are chomping at the bit to get them off. Things are certainly changing for the better in the medical community. It's about time!

 

Merry Christmas to everyone!

[[be...]]

Hi Margaretisabel. I was just thinking about you, wondering how you were. It's good to see your name here.

 

Yes, Betsy, I will post as often as is feasible. Plus I just realized/remembered that I was technically on over 100 mg valium equivalent. Good grief! I look at that now in light of patients I see who are in .5 mg Xanax 3x a day and the doctors are chomping at the bit to get them off. Things are certainly changing for the better in the medical community. It's about time!

 

Merry Christmas to everyone!

 

  Merry Christmas to you to flip! Yes 100 mg of Valium equivalent is very high, but I was on a whopping 200 mg of Valium equivalent. Yikes! That's why I have been here for so long and I will be here until I am passed Retirement. Check in when you can and I'll be watching out for your posts. Yes it's certainly about time the people are getting the picture in the healthcare community. We can only hope for more education and no longer be guinea pigs.

 

Hugs, Betsy

[[no...]]

*bump*

[[be...]]

Wow I thought this thread had died.

[[Bl...]]

Hi benzogirl. Just had an earthquake here in SoCal. It woke me up!

 

Blue