Mentoring - those who are well (or better) reassuring those who struggle.

[[Ma...]]

I could use some help and I am beginning the crossover process from 30 milligrams of Temazepam to Valium. I am at day 6 with 22 Temazepam 5mg Valium . should I go 1mg day by totaling 30 or skip a few days at beginning and slow down toward end to crossover. I am hoping i can do this with 10 mg valium. Thank you for any feedback

[[Fl...]]

Magnolia, sorry no one answered you. We really don't say a lot about tapering on this particular thread. It is more about support of the every day ins and outs of the process. I would refer you to the Valium tapering support group for your questions. You can find it here:

 

http://www.benzobuddies.org/forum/index.php?topic=96753.0

 

That being said, I would think you might be a bit optimistic in your accelerated pace. We have found it to be more tolerable to go slowly.

 

 

[[pr...]]

Magnolia,

 

 

that is a good thread that Flip referred you to and here is another one: the daily micro tapering support.

 

 

http://www.benzobuddies.org/forum/index.php?topic=135284.6770

 

and there is a buddie named SG57 who is a bit of genius when it comes to tapering questions like yours. you can ask him anything.

[[He...]]

It's so good to log on and see that this thread continues to be alive. Thank you to everyone who has contributed support. It is a magnificent thing. There is great power in peer support. Not much means more to someone stuck in the dark tunnel than to hear from those that are further along and now standing in the daylight.

 

I'm at around 43 months out. I'm 62. I just finished a rigorous year in a master's program on my way to becoming a counselor. I sat in the classroom with 20 year olds. There were some very rough spots, I won't lie, but it wasn't about benzos. It was about my own struggles with feeling old and inadequate.

 

Monday I start an internship at a hospital, primarily working with heart patients. It is a wonderful spot for me to learn. Also, I'll work at a residential treatment facility. I will be able to be in direct contact with those who are withdrawing from all manner of addictions. School is simply the price for this privilege.

 

I don't know just how effective I will be with helping people with a benzo issue. Legally  I'll not be able to give treatment advice. I can only tell of my own journey. I can only let my life speak. That's the most powerful tool I have.

 

We have all come so far. I firmly believe this misfortune we have been through can be turned into something of great value. No, we won't all be counselor's, and we won't all go back to school. That wouldn't make much sense. But what we will all have in common is the knowledge that we are wounded in a fundamental way and that we can turn that wound into a gift by telling our story in a measured way, and by letting our lives speak of the incredible strength we have gained along the way, the different way of seeing, the shift in values, and the desire to live this amazing life with presence and dignity.

 

Thanking you all for your endurance and fortitude. Honoring your journeys.

❤️

Flip

 

Wow fliprain what a pleasure to see you here again! You alone were the one I remembered during my long hold. Thanks for posting that incredible piece from your log. You are where I hope to be at the same age, education-wise and with the freedom from benzo's. Except that I'm already a substance counselor. It's a labor of love and you are much needed as we are not educated about benzo's either. I hope you keep checking in with us from time to time. Much love and aloha, Charlotte

[[Li...]]

I could use some mentoring and comforting words but I believe it would have to be someone who has been polydrugged as severely as I have.

[[Ma...]]

Flip

 

I am your age. Your story of going back to school to fulfill your purpose is a true inspiration.  I have the utmost respect for you. When I complete this @#$% process of tapering. I hope to help in some way also. 

[[fi...]]

I haven't read the posts here yet but it looks like a thread I could use - I think the best part of Benzo Buddies is the support from those who have come through it........seriously - thank you!

[[He...]]

I could use some mentoring and comforting words but I believe it would have to be someone who has been polydrugged as severely as I have.

 

There's a polydrug support thread. Some of us are in recovery from alcohol and/or drugs in the past. I am. As far as antidepressants, I only c/t'd from Effexor and that was pretty nasty. There are much worse. I believe that benzo w/d is the worst and I'm doing that one first. Good luck to you, HM

[[So...]]

Hello,

 

I am 34 years old (only child) with a father (he is 65) who has been going through benzo withdrawal symptoms for the past 1-2 years. 

 

Initial withdrawal was rapid detox about 2 years ago (wish we could go back in time to follow an Ashton taper method, but my family wasn't educated enough at the time).  He has been in and out of the hospital, polydrugged, you name it.

 

Currently, he is medication free and doing well EXCEPT for the fact that he has severe anxiety any time he tries to leave the house or complete a menial task (shaving, trimming his nails, etc).  He basically spends his days sleeping, having my mom prepare his meals, and watching tv/reading the paper.  Obviously this is having a tremendous negative impact on my parents' marriage because my mom feels incredibly alone and is resentful of the fact that she has become a full-time caretaker.

 

I want to help my parents, but there's only so much I can do.  I live about an hour from them, have a very demanding career, and in the middle of planning a wedding (set to be married to a wonderful girl next May).  My mom calls me every few days crying and telling me that she can't go on like this.  She is seeing a therapist, but I feel that the burden of her emotional care falls on me.

 

Just looking for some help/recommendations on getting my dad back on track.  I know he wants to get well, but he isn't seeing a therapist or taking any other proactive steps to help with his anxiety.  It's getting so bad that my mom keeps threatening him with divorce, which obviously isn't helping the situation.  He also keeps canceling his psychiatrist appointments because he's so fearful of leaving the house.  My mom is going to try to find a psychiatrist that makes house visits.

 

I don't want to suggest putting him back on a benzo, but I fear no alternative if I want to save my parents marriage (and my sanity!).  Just completely lost and looking for some guidance.

 

Thank you.

[[Fi...]]

Bless your heart.  I'm the one who's 65 here and my kids are your age.  I just spent 3-4 years healing from benzos and opioids so I look at your story from the vantage point of the sick parent.  It seemed to me my husband was always trying to protect the kids from how bad I was and so never talked to them about it.  So neither of us got much in the way of support from them.

 

So, to me, you seem like a really devoted child.  You need to realize you cannot save your parents marriage and it's not your job to do so.  All you can do is be supportive to your mom and to your father.  It seems to me a person just needs time to recover from something like this and hopefully that is time where people are being as kind and as patient as they can muster.  Have you or your mother read Recovery and Renewal by Baylissa Frederick?  It seems to me her chapter directed toward caregivers is a good one.  It really helped my husband when he read it.  Your mom needs to ease up and realize your father really can't help this.  Being threatened with divorce would just be awful.  I feel so much for all the people here who are watching their support systems fall away as people lose patience with them.

 

It seems to me that you going ahead with a wedding to a wonderful woman is the best thing you can do.  It's about the ongoing future for your family.  Just holding your own life together is a big positive.

 

I would really resist the urge to try to fix things faster by getting your dad back on benzos because I think that's  asking for more ongoing trouble down the line.  Can you and your mom try to express more faith in your father that he has the strength to pull through this and you're confident he will?  Maybe even fake it a bit for his benefit?  Because, believe me, he already feels completely lousy about himself.  People telling him he's not trying hard enough won't help at all.  Just try to be there, calm and as confident as you can fake!  Read the success stories here.  So many people struggled like  your father, unable to believe they'd ever have their lives back, but then they get well and they do!

 

Good luck and God bless.

FinallyJoining.

[[So...]]

Thanks for the kind words.

 

I just feel very alone in this as my fiancee and my friends have a hard time understanding what I'm going through with my father. 

[[Fi...]]

I know.  This whole experience is isolating for everybody involved.  We, the sick ones, just don't look that sick, so how can people understand?  Our suffering is so interior.  When my nearest and dearest read the memoir I wrote about this, their reactions were all the same, as in Wow, I had no idea.  And this from people to whom I was trying mightily to explain my black state of mind and helplessness.  Even my husband, who was right there by my side.

 

I've been thinking about you.  You're doing good.  So many people have kids who are falling apart themselves.  Not saying this is my case as my kids have it together too, pretty much.  But you seem like you've gone a step beyond in being such a support to your mother.  I kind of envy her this, but at the same time I wonder if it's kind of enabling to sympathize too much with how hard this is for her, because I'm pretty sure that as tough as this is for her, she can't possibly feel as bad as your dad does.  Each person has to do their own personal best, and it seems like you are doing that by moving forward with your life.

 

Wish the best to all of you.

[[He...]]

Thanks for the kind words.

 

I just feel very alone in this as my fiancee and my friends have a hard time understanding what I'm going through with my father.

 

Hi, those were excellent words from FinallyJoining. I want to read that book myself. I totally agree with everything she said. No one can understand the hell we are going through; and he was in a cold turkey detox which causes long-term symptoms for many. I have come off of alcohol and antidepressant, even a synthetic opioid. Nothing compares to the huge and horrible array of mental and physical symptoms from benzos. Thanks for coming on here and I'd also recommend reading the Ashton Manual, it's online, there are links to it from this forum and I hope your mother will as well. He will get well, and it would be a shame for her to throw away her marriage due to a misunderstanding. Not to downplay her caregiving efforts, though. Aloha, HM

[[Bl...]]

I just found this thread. What a wonderful idea! I have been off Xanax since 2013. My life and attitude towards life has changed only for the better.

 

Blue

[[ny...]]

This is awesome! I'm a first time poster, first time benzo user, (Klonopin, cause I'm into self mutilation) and about to jump over next week or two.  I was going to jump at .07 yesterday but woke up with the worst sxs in over a month. It would be nice to connect with some veterans at this crucial time for me, 4 months use, will be 4 month taper.  Any support is appreciated.

[[So...]]

I posted this question in the Chewing the Fat section, but realize this is a much better place. So here it is!

 

 

1. How do you know you are healed? Sounds like a silly question, but I ask because of the awful nature of feeling decent for days, only to crash back into a wave. It happens so often, it's made me gun shy to consider myself healed (which, as of now, I am not.) How much time do people usually give themselves feeling normal before saying "I'm good!"? One month of normality? Two? That's the maddening part of this, it keeps pulling you back in once you think you are on the verge of being out.

 

2. How did/do you cope with not being able to trust yourself? I make a concerted effort to live my life and do things, socializing, etc., even if I feel like crap or have unjustifiable anxiety, (for example, when meeting a friend for lunch I feel the need to run out of the restaurant, instead I just sit there, working through the anxiety.) I'm not yet working, and part of the reason is I simply cannot trust how I will feel from day to day, or week to week. How do you manage?

 

3. For those who have suffered DP/DR, as I have, I wonder for those who are healed, does it truly go away completely? I'm sure it's my own anxiety speaking, but I fear that once you've experienced the alien sensation of DP/DR and disassociation that a part of it will always haunt you (a bit like Locutus of Borg from Star Trek: NG. Yep, I just threw in a Star Trek reference.) I know it is a defensive part of the brain and natural, but my own definition of being healed means being 100% like I was pre-benzo. Not perfect by any means, but certainly not like I currently am. I read the Success Stories and try to believe them when they say they are back to normal, but sometimes I have my doubts.

 

Thanks for any feedback and support!

 

[[Bl...]]

SoCal

 

I am 4 years off Xanax. Am I back to normal?  No, not really. But what I do have is real. My emotions, whatever they may be from day to day are not dulled with Xanax. They are honest and they are mine.

Do I still want to escape? Hell yes! The world is changing. It is hard for me to accept the violence and unrest that is happening every day. But I chose to escape not through Xanax, but instead through Yoga and the meditation that goes along with the practicing of it. I also chose to escape by getting out of myself and doing something kind for someone else or paying someone a compliment. There are other things I do to escape, but these two things work the best for me.

Do I still have times of anxiety? Yes I do. But I have accepted that this is part of my nature. When it rears its head, I chose to not focus on it. I guess you might say I dismiss it as being nothing of importance. 

 

 

Blue

[[MT...]]

 

3. For those who have suffered DP/DR, as I have, I wonder for those who are healed, does it truly go away completely? I'm sure it's my own anxiety speaking, but I fear that once you've experienced the alien sensation of DP/DR and disassociation that a part of it will always haunt you (a bit like Locutus of Borg from Star Trek: NG. Yep, I just threw in a Star Trek reference.) I know it is a defensive part of the brain and natural, but my own definition of being healed means being 100% like I was pre-benzo. Not perfect by any means, but certainly not like I currently am. I read the Success Stories and try to believe them when they say they are back to normal, but sometimes I have my doubts.

 

Thanks for any feedback and support!

 

Locutus is a great reference. It took Picard a long time to regain his sense of self but Locutus was there in the background. He learned to practice a kind of acceptance and even learned things from his Borg experience. He's a terrific role model! I named one of my sons Jonathan Luke after him but always think of him as Jean-luc!

[[pr...]]

1. How do you know you are healed? Sounds like a silly question, but I ask because of the awful nature of feeling decent for days, only to crash back into a wave. It happens so often, it's made me gun shy to consider myself healed (which, as of now, I am not.) How much time do people usually give themselves feeling normal before saying "I'm good!"? One month of normality? Two? That's the maddening part of this, it keeps pulling you back in once you think you are on the verge of being out.

 

 

the non linear nature of this healing is maddening to me. someone described it as this; "The only theory i have come up with is, that the GABA receptors are so widespread in the body and brain that it's impossible to heal all areas simulataneously. So we get breaks when there are enough functioning receptors and enough GABA to go around for all those areas, and then when not enough of those to sustain being asymptomatic things get bad again."

 

 

It's like we are trying to bargin with some unseen force that we really have no control over.

[[Ce...]]

Following...

[[Ma...]]

following, too 

[[Fl...]]

Hi everyone,

Good to see this thread keeps on being supportive. I'm dropping in to say 4 years off today. Life is full and rich and precious. I still have some tinnitus, actually recently ramped up. I think it's the stress of school and internship.

 

One thing I know for certain, guys, and that is anybody who has managed to endure this benzo taper somewhat intact has mad skills for doing life. I'm not kidding. I find I am way, way, way more tolerant and accepting of things I can't change and equally more motivated to change what I can. I'm becoming more clear on how that one thing I can change is me.

 

There is an alternative version of the Reinhold Neibur serenity prayer circulating around. I like it. It says:

 

God grant me the serenity to accept the people I cannot change,

The courage to change the people I can

And the wisdom to know it's me!

 

I really do think when we emerge from the tunnel, we are equipped to really look with clear eyes and see that the rest of our lives are completely up to us. We can choose to live on our own terms. Material things fall away in importance. Things of connection become ultimately more important. Things of the heart matter more. We begin to want to be the very best, most intentional, most real version of ourselves. We become extraordinarily valuable to know because we become REAL. That's pretty rare in the world.

 

I did a presentation on benzos in an Addictions class this month.  Self disclosed to my classmates. I told the truth and it was meaningful to them. So at least those 17 people believe me enough to go forth into their counseling practices with a different perspective. Plus the place I'm working is extremely careful about prescribing benzos. They only do it for acute anxiety in a cardiac situation. They never do it in the long term. I have not influenced the system. It was already in place. So I think we can begin to expect to see some real changes after a while.

 

I'll check back this afternoon and see if I can answer a question for anyone. I just want to say I respect everyone so much  in the journey they are on. This is maybe the single hardest time in your life in some ways. Please know that it is worth it. It really is. When you no longer know what to do, just do the next right thing, no matter how small it is. No matter if it is just walking to the kitchen, getting a glass of clean water and telling yourself that it will eventually pass and that it will be worth it!

 

Flip

 

[[Se...]]

Flip,

 

So wonderful to hear from you.  I am always so interested in what you are doing these days as I relate so closely to your journey and my own goal is to return to do a Masters in Counselling, I'll be going back in my late 50's if I do.  In the meanwhile, I started up my own in-person "coming off benzodiazepine and/or z-drugs" support group here in my city, we meet once a month and it has been going since January.  I'm up to 80 online members and about 6 - 12 people come out each month.  My own counsellor suggested I do this last fall when I was about 2-1/2 years in withdrawal after jumping.  I had no real "control" over what was happening to me in withdrawal but we focused on small ways of exercising some control in other aspects of my life that were (and are) meaningful to me.

 

I went back to work in August, I'm about 2 months in and so far I'm managing well.  It was a big transition to go from couch potato of sorts to fulltime work but I have healed a lot in this past year.  I'm now 41 months off and I'd say I'm about 90% healed on a good day.  Interestingly, as my stress levels have ramped up recently with my father's passing, I've experienced a few "old" symptoms again - burning skin pain and some tinnitus.  So just like you, I'm noticing the relationship between stress and healing.

 

You are one of my inspirations and heroes and I'm grateful for this thread and for your continued presence on this site, despite your new life and responsibilities.

 

How wonderful for you to stand up amongst your peers and tell your truth and be accepted and believed.  My own counsellor is starting to work with some of the people from my support group and it has been quite an education for her.  Thankfully, she is wonderful and her background in addictions has given her more insight than most into the lingering effects of post acute withdrawal syndrome and beyond.  She is seeing firsthand how difficult this journey is.

 

Finally, your words at the end are very profound.  I learned in my own grief journey 8 years ago when I lost my beloved and wonderful husband to suicide out of the blue - he was an amazing man and was the sanest person I knew - that our lives are "authored" one "good decision at a time".  Particularly in the swirling madness of benzo recovery or even grief, when you are at a complete loss and devoid of hope, just doing the next "best thing" in the moment.  You dig your way forward one good decision at a time.  That is all you can sometimes do.  You make that decision based on all the evidence you have on hand and you do your best.

 

When I lost my husband and my world was simultaneously laid bare, I was devoid of hope.  The best advice I had was to go forward one decision at a time.  Sometimes I was as simple as making a cup of tea or deciding to lie down or have a shower.  Other times, I would chip away at something more complex by picking it up and choosing to do just one small thing to nudge it forward.

 

These days, I operate still on this premise when I'm overwhelmed.  I truly am authoring a life, and one worth living, one small good decision at a time.  I try hard not to solve tomorrow's problems today.  I try very hard to stay grounded in the present when I'm overwhelmed.  Concentrate on what it takes to do "right here, right now".

 

One of the things that maturity has brought me is the ability to lie awake in the middle of the night with my head full of dark and catastrophic thoughts (as is my nature sometimes, particularly when I'm stressed and tired) and think, "ok, SS, you don't need to solve this right now when the world seems dark and hard - the morning will bring fresh perspective and new solutions".

 

I think you are going to be a wonderful, wonderful counsellor.  You are already a wonderful human being.

 

 

Ali

[[Fl...]]

My deepest empathy goes out to you, Ali. The pain you have felt is incalculable and indescribable. I'm sure there were times when you thought you couldn't do it and that the light had left life. I don't know how people live through such pain. I do know that when they do, they come out like diamonds. When they can turn those wounds into gifts, they are gifts indeed.

 

I hope you do become a counselor. You can be such a gift to others, especially those in grief. I think the magic that happens in counseling is to be deeply seen and understood. That is the beginning of healing. Your age doesn't matter except that you won't have as much time to do the work. The benefit of being older is the wisdom of experience, though, so it's as if you take in a concentrated form you wouldn't have be able to at a younger age. When the time comes to make the decision, you will know inside you if it is right. And then school will become the price for the privilege of sitting in that sacred space with others.

 

We've talked before about this being a journey of breathtaking proportions if only we can see clearly. And often as you say far better than I can, that the journey is revealed one step at a time. We are all on a hero's journey. I firmly believe that. Sometimes we don't know it. I think benzos are one of the things that makes us shift direction in a meaningful way once we survive it and get our feet back under us, sometimes for the first time. Our journey is enhanced in ways it might not have been without the struggle.

 

I'm paraphrasing when I try to quote something I heard recently about how the whole universe is holding its breath waiting for us to become our real selves. I believe that is the journey - becoming ourselves. True self, real self, authentic self, however we say it. I think as Joseph Campbell said, "The privilege of a lifetime is becoming yourself". It truly is my main goal. It sounds so easy and it is so hard.

 

I'm sorry I don't have a lot of time. I would like to be here more. This site remains one of the places that makes me think the deepest and brings out the best in me. In due time, I guess. Until we talk again, I pray your journey remains smooth and that you continue to listen to your inner voice. It serves you well.

 

❤️

Flip

[[Fl...]]

Wanted to add this. It's so wonderful.

 

“Real isn't how you are made,' said the Skin Horse. 'It's a thing that happens to you. When a child loves you for a long, long time, not just to play with, but REALLY loves you, then you become Real.'

 

'Does it hurt?' asked the Rabbit.

 

'Sometimes,' said the Skin Horse, for he was always truthful. 'When you are Real you don't mind being hurt.'

 

'Does it happen all at once, like being wound up,' he asked, 'or bit by bit?'

 

'It doesn't happen all at once,' said the Skin Horse. 'You become. It takes a long time. That's why it doesn't happen often to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept. Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don't matter at all, because once you are Real you can't be ugly, except to people who don't understand.”

 

― Margery Williams, The Velveteen Rabbit