Post Benzo Freedom Withdrawal Support Group

[[No...]]

Hi All

 

Guess I am allowed to write in here now, as I am 1 month benzo free from an 11 month long taper, jumping at a low dose of 0.005 mg Clonazepam.

 

The first 14 days of benzo freedom went by rather quick. Not any better, nor worse than tapering. I did not imagine that jumping would do much good or bad, as I tapered down to a very low dose.

 

I was wrong!!

 

My symptoms has increased, I feel like I am in a wave that I am afraid will be my new "normal level"

 

I guess my question is if anyone who tapered, had an increase in symptoms 1 month after jumping?. The last week I have been sleeping all the time, hating to wake up because of intense muscle tension, that results in muscle jerks and shaking all over with muscle tension. Also I seem much more depressed, but again this happens to me in a bad wave.

 

On the good side, I have had positive dreams twice, which I only had 1 time during my 11 month taper...Like I am on the road home from somewhere, and feeling good.

 

I hope somebody who is past the 1 month mark, who felt really bad at the stage will comment.

 

Thanks

Kasper   

[[ve...]]

Hi Kasper.  Congrats on tapering successfully off klonopin . What you describe sounds very typical for only one month off. By now the remnants have processed out of your bloodstream and you will find gradual healing in the coming months.  At one month to five weeks off a very slow taper all the way down (valium), I had high anxiety and later fatigue and GI symptoms, cog fog.. for about two months, maybe three.  I never worried about that aspect as I always knew it would likely be some months, not days or weeks to fully recover.  Maybe somebody who specifically used klonopin can post something here for you as well.  The first few months off klonopin are a healing period. "normal" will likely be a series of waves and windows. For some it takes a few months, others a little longer as symptoms wax and wane on your way to more complete recovery.  That's great that you are already having some positive dreams. 

 

Best wishes,

 

Vertigo

[[le...]]

Hi All

 

Guess I am allowed to write in here now, as I am 1 month benzo free from an 11 month long taper, jumping at a low dose of 0.005 mg Clonazepam.

 

The first 14 days of benzo freedom went by rather quick. Not any better, nor worse than tapering. I did not imagine that jumping would do much good or bad, as I tapered down to a very low dose.

 

I was wrong!!

 

My symptoms has increased, I feel like I am in a wave that I am afraid will be my new "normal level"

 

I guess my question is if anyone who tapered, had an increase in symptoms 1 month after jumping?. The last week I have been sleeping all the time, hating to wake up because of intense muscle tension, that results in muscle jerks and shaking all over with muscle tension. Also I seem much more depressed, but again this happens to me in a bad wave.

 

On the good side, I have had positive dreams twice, which I only had 1 time during my 11 month taper...Like I am on the road home from somewhere, and feeling good.

 

I hope somebody who is past the 1 month mark, who felt really bad at the stage will comment.

 

Thanks

Kasper 

 

Hi Kasper,

 

I'm just a week ahead of you and like you the first couple of weeks weren't any worse than what I had experienced while tapering. At three weeks I felt well enough to fly to my parents home for xmas. Now at five weeks I'm experiencing an increase in cog fog, gi issues and anxiety (jumping out of my skin feeling). It's certainly not fun but it's comforting to know that healing is happening and that this is part of the process.

 

We'll get through this Kasper. Hang in there. 

 

Leslie

[[he...]]

Thank you Vertigo, I am 19 1/2 mths off , as far as excercising I was dng ok for awhle, the last week of Nov up until mid Dec I was excercising , I was dng 2 hr walk on some days , dng the Ellipical excercise machine (not sure of the spelling), I was excercising everyday , nothing strainious , but a good workout, I lost 5 lbs fromexcercising and dieting drinking green smoothies etc... then BAM I got in bad shape, I had waves of intense burning , but NOTHING like this , its a deep deep burning , that never left since Mid Dec, except on Xmas Eve , it went almost completly . Since I feel like I cant even walk, that eery muscle , joint , fiber, tissue , fiber has been compromised , thats why I mentioned FM, I was NEVER diganoused with it,even up to several mths ago I asked my Family Dr did I have FM or could possibly have FM , he said definatly NO, , but it ceratinly feels like it now ,I feel sore all over, but if I put pressure on anywhere it only feels sore in one area off and on , but no where else so far. As far as massage I have extremly bad touch sensativity, and form of stimulation my body goes into a intense stinging all over, a scrach, a massage, even a touch in certain sensative areas , this has been on gng for almost a year now. My feet and hands have only been constant stinging the past 3 mths staedy steady, I can scartach my head it starts to sting in my mouth that only started abt 3 mths ago too. This stuff scas me to death. I had a perscribtion filled for Elavil abt 5 mths ago , and I never took 1 pill , so scared to try anything , I was thinking abt trying it at some point , but since the flare up I got after taking Childrens Benadryal on Thanksgiving back in Nov, I had every symptonm in ten folds , the stinging was as if someone had a Machette knife and was slicing and dicing my entire body to sheds, this lasted five days straight on top of all the other symptoms. That scared me from trying anything else, and every since then I still get that stinging just as bad off and on. I dont know what else to do anymore , I feel like this is as good as it gets and my life is over!!!!!!!

[[An...]]

Do you  not think it may be a good idea to get a second opinion on this with a specialist in FM just so you are convinced one way or the other?

 

Am so sorry you are still suffering  and thinking of you loads.

 

Angel 

[[No...]]

Vertigo & Leslie

 

Thank you very much for your kind answers.

 

It is indeed cog fog, fatigue, extreme muscle tension, and what I can best describe as "mental vertigo" that keeps me in survival mode right now. I am glad to see that it is just steps on the way to recovery. I kept my eyes on the ball all the way through my taper, but this is unknown territory, so I am very thankful that you took the time to help me understand!

 

Cheers

Kasper

 

 

[[ve...]]

Vertigo & Leslie  Thank you very much for your kind answers. It is indeed cog fog, fatigue, extreme muscle tension, and what I can best describe as "mental vertigo" that keeps me in survival mode right now. I am glad to see that it is just steps on the way to recovery. I kept my eyes on the ball all the way through my taper, but this is unknown territory, so I am very thankful that you took the time to help me understand!

Cheers

Kasper

 

You are most welcome Kasper.  Yes, many of us have found for better or worse that recovery after benzo use is more often a gradual process. The good news is that you have gotten through the worst and are well on your way.  I also did a slow taper. I believe that was a good decision.  Keep us posted on how you're doing.

 

Cheers right back

 

Vert

[[ve...]]

Thank you Vertigo, I am 19 1/2 mths off , as far as excercising I was dng ok for awhle, the last week of Nov up until mid Dec I was excercising , I was dng 2 hr walk on some days , dng the Ellipical excercise machine (not sure of the spelling), I was excercising everyday , nothing strainious , but a good workout, I lost 5 lbs fromexcercising and dieting drinking green smoothies etc... then BAM I got in bad shape, I had waves of intense burning , but NOTHING like this , its a deep deep burning , that never left since Mid Dec, except on Xmas Eve , it went almost completly . Since I feel like I cant even walk, that eery muscle , joint , fiber, tissue , fiber has been compromised , thats why I mentioned FM, I was NEVER diganoused with it,even up to several mths ago I asked my Family Dr did I have FM or could possibly have FM , he said definatly NO, , but it ceratinly feels like it now ,I feel sore all over, but if I put pressure on anywhere it only feels sore in one area off and on , but no where else so far. As far as massage I have extremly bad touch sensativity, and form of stimulation my body goes into a intense stinging all over, a scrach, a massage, even a touch in certain sensative areas , this has been on gng for almost a year now. My feet and hands have only been constant stinging the past 3 mths staedy steady, I can scartach my head it starts to sting in my mouth that only started abt 3 mths ago too. This stuff scas me to death. I had a perscribtion filled for Elavil abt 5 mths ago , and I never took 1 pill , so scared to try anything , I was thinking abt trying it at some point , but since the flare up I got after taking Childrens Benadryal on Thanksgiving back in Nov, I had every symptonm in ten folds , the stinging was as if someone had a Machette knife and was slicing and dicing my entire body to sheds, this lasted five days straight on top of all the other symptoms. That scared me from trying anything else, and every since then I still get that stinging just as bad off and on. I dont know what else to do anymore , I feel like this is as good as it gets and my life is over!!!!!!!

 

Hi Helpme.  It sounds like it's been a very rough ride these last couple of years.  I am very sorry to read about the intensity of painful symptoms.  I'm not sure whether you might need to try the Elavil or perhaps something else to get you through the next few months or whether you feel you can gut it out, but I'm confident that in three to six months time, you will notice some significant progress.

 

God Bless,

 

Vertigo

[[ro...]]

Hi V and others:

 

I looked at all the cruises to Puerto Rico.  Cruise ships only dock one day there and out to sea again.  I want to spend more time in PR, so we'll just fly into a resort and spend a week there.  Anyone been to PR?  Would love to hear others' experiences. 

 

Yep; I am rocking on.  I did have a fitful nite sleep a few nites ago.  Felt warm for a few hours, fell asleep for a few hours, woke up at 5 a.m. and couldn't get back to sleep.  But at least I wasn't agitated thru the nite and into the a.m., which is what melatonin would usually do to me.  I'm hoping for more healing in the sleep area; that I can fall asleep and stay asleep.  That would really ROCK MY WORLD!!

 

Help; I know you have been battling the nerve pain and stinging stuff for a long time.  Have you had a test for PAD?  Lifeline Screening comes into town and you can sign up for some of the quick tests such as a test for peripheral arterial disease.  Your legs are cuffed and inflated to see if there is any blockage in the lower limbs.  I know PAD can cause a lot of nerve pain in the lower extremities.  Just a thought...I do hope you find some relief and a solution to healing.  Maybe more time will be needed, as V suggests. 

 

I will be cheering the Broncos on tonight -- it will be Tebow time, and hopefully, lots of Tebow Downs. 

 

Hope all BBs are hanging in there -- we will be c'est bon la vie again!! 

 

Best regards,

Rocko

 

 

[[ro...]]

Kasper, Legos, and Noolie:

 

Congrats on getting your selves off the benzo train.  It is a huge accomplishment and now time for healing is on your side. 

 

Hopefully, it won't be too long before we start reading of your  sxs improvements in various stages of post recovery.   

 

Way to go BBs!! 

 

Cheers and we salute you!  :thumbsup:

Rocko

[[ib...]]

Hi All:

 

Been reading ALL the posts here -- IBMom - always good to hear from you - I hope you gain some good forward ground in your recovery.  I looked into a cruise in June on Oasis of the Seas - another Carribean humongomous cruise ship.  We will fly into San Juan and spend a week there -- I'm looking forward to a benzo free celebration of some kind.  I hope your cruise is lovely and you enjoy the entire time without symptoms.  Let us know how the trip goes for you. 

 

 

Hi Rocko,

 

So nice to hear from you.  Feeling a little better each day, and trying to keep the faith as we all are.  I have never been to San Juan but maybe some day in the future.  Please let me know how your trip goes for you. The Oasis of the Seas is the twin sister to the Allure. It really is a large ship and I am looking forward to the time away.  I need a break from work...you know the saying "all work and no play makes Jack a dull boy".... Winter blues are setting in and I am looking forward to some sunshine. I always have a good time traveling with my sister and her husband...

 

I too will be cheering the Broncos on tonight....you gotta love Tebow.

 

Wishing you a very restful nights sleep.....

 

God bless

Ibmom

 

 

 

[[An...]]

Rocko it is probably not the best day to be discussing cruises if you have been watching the news!  I am going on one actually to the Norwegian Fjords in July (on the Queen Elizabeth).  I was briefly in San Juan on a Caribbean cruise but I can't say I know PR.  Have a lovely time there.

 

Am enjoying London a lot - despite it being quite chilly.  We brought the dog over from Spain and he is loving his long walks in the parks as opposed to the beach.  Am going to see a couple of things at the theatre including Les Miserables.  It will be my 5th time!  It is my favourite musical ever and every couple of years I am desperate to get my Les Mis fix!

 

I'm glad you are feeling better somewhat - your sleep will return.  I am now sleeping like a baby generally tho' I still have patches of insomnia at times.

 

My wave seems to be settling but am not out of the woods yet - it is the anxiety which plagues me mostly.  I am hoping one day to wake up without morning anxiety and not have the daytime edginess or anxiety attacks. But we are getting there.

 

This is taking much longer than I thought considering the short time I was on the benzos.  Then I go and read a thread about protracted withdrawal for those who did a rapid taper - I haven't read of anyone else on here who tapered from a high level like I did in 12 days.  That must have shocked my system immensely even though I was only on the benzos less than a month.  I hope I don't suffer longer than 18 months!

 

Wishing all my fellow BB's a quick return to full health.

 

Angel

[[ve...]]

Les Mis is a great show .

 

Vertigo

[[he...]]

Thank you Vertigo xoxoxo

 

Angel , the last Nerologist I seen saidI never had FM , said its Benzo related . It still make me wonder either way txs hun

[[Li...]]

Oh Angel let me know how Les Mis is!! It's my favorite as well and I'm soooo jealous! Have fun.

 

Libby

 

P.S. Tapering from gabapentin now. Sucks, let's just put it that way. Muscle spasms, worse back pain (reason I was on it in the first place), insomnia, hot and cold flashes, headaches, cog fog, fatigue. Benzo w/d all over again, although thankfully less severe than benzos were and hopefully will not last as long. In August I was on 2400mg/day, tapered down to 900mg over the course of 4 months, and down to 600 since last week. Holding here until I stabilize. SO excited to get all of these dang drugs out of my system for good!

[[ro...]]

Hi All:

 

IBMom and Angel:  Hope you are enjoying many good days without benzo symptoms.  We three are all close in our jump dates and starting to get close to our one year anniversaries.  (... and maybe thinking about our success stories to come). 

 

I have seen Les Miserables once and it was the best!  Loved the name "Cossette" after the play too.  Wanted to call my dog that but settled on Scooby.  :-*

 

I am wanting to jump back into life with full force -- and I know it just might backfire.  But I have kept coming back for more after I have a nice long window.  But I can see the lighted path through the forest now and have made many mental adjustments to accommodate. 

 

Help - I do hope your CN settles down and you feel a big surge of hope.  You have been on the battlefield way too long and you need a big break coming your way. 

 

Libby; you are tackling the numer 2 team now -- the gabapentin.  But you have at least kicked the benzos off the field.  Hang in there, you are getting close to having any and all tapers completed.  Bravo!!

 

Best regards to all,

Rocko

 

 

[[An...]]

[quote author=rocko link=topic=18057.msg626957#msg626957 date=1326762064

 

I have seen Les Miserables once and it was the best!  Loved the name "Cossette" after the play too.  Wanted to call my dog that but settled on Scooby.  :-*

 

:laugh: @ Rocko!

 

Thanks everyone for wishing me a nice time at Les Mis!  Will report back.

 

Yes, I think you and I are at a similar stage - I had a lovely window from 7 1/2 months then got slammed but not as bad as before - still functioned - it is waning now but it mainly anxiety based and am functioning, not sure if I haven't got a bit of a cold though.  Oh and am very tired though.

 

I need all my strength now as my poor Mum who has dementia and lives alone at home as she won't have live-in carers, has been directing traffic in her nightdress in the middle of her street and we've been told by the doctors she needs to go in a Care Home.  She has a little dog who is her life and she always said if she were separated from her dog she would take her life.  I am not sure how we are going to do this.  My family are  very worried it might bring the big stress symptoms back.  But I am trying to take in my stride.  Only time will tell.

 

I've discovered that life doesn't stop just because we are in withdrawal and we cannot cocoon ourselves away from stress altogether.  But it ain't easy.

 

Wishing all my buddies on this thread happy healing days ahead.

 

Angel

 

 

 

[[ib...]]

Hi All:

 

IBMom and Angel:  Hope you are enjoying many good days without benzo symptoms.  We three are all close in our jump dates and starting to get close to our one year anniversaries.  (... and maybe thinking about our success stories to come). 

 

 

Best regards to all,

Rocko

 

Hi Rocko,

 

I don't want to jinx myself but I have been feeling much better.  As a matter of fact I went to my first Zumba class tonight,    boy am I out of shape... I really enjoyed the class and meeting new some new people and seeing some old classmates that I have not seen for years. 

 

It is really unbelievable that we are approaching the one year mark. I am not ready to write that success story yet, still have some s/x that keep popping in for a visit , but hopefully I will be writing this story in the very near future,

 

I hope things are going well for you....have to run but will write more later.

 

Take care and wishing all the BB a wonderful evening..

 

Ibmom

[[ve...]]

[quote author=rocko link=topic=18057.msg626957#msg626957 date=1326762064

I need all my strength now as my poor Mum who has dementia and lives alone at home as she won't have live-in carers, has been directing traffic in her nightdress in the middle of her street and we've been told by the doctors she needs to go in a Care Home.  She has a little dog who is her life and she always said if she were separated from her dog she would take her life.  I am not sure how we are going to do this.  My family are  very worried it might bring the big stress symptoms back.  But I am trying to take in my stride.  Only time will tell. I've discovered that life doesn't stop just because we are in withdrawal and we cannot cocoon ourselves away from stress altogether.  But it ain't easy. Wishing all my buddies on this thread happy healing days ahead.

Angel

 

Hi Angel.  You're right about life not stopping once off the benzo.  That must be very difficult to deal with your mother now that her dementia seems to be getting worse.  Perhaps if given a choice between having to be in a home versus allowing some live in help, she would compromise?  My father finally needed live in help a couple of years ago and he has gotten very used to having them around now. It's an adjustment but something that he needed arguably several years earlier.  He is very independent and stubborn but he finally realized it was the better option than a nursing home.  I hope you sort things out with your mother in a similar fashion.  Perhaps knowing it is a way for her to keep her dog with her, would convince her to accept the help at home. 

 

Good luck,

 

Vertigo

[[ve...]]

Hi All:IBMom and Angel:  Hope you are enjoying many good days without benzo symptoms.  We three are all close in our jump dates and starting to get close to our one year anniversaries.  (... and maybe thinking about our success stories to come).  Best regards to all,

Rocko

Hi Rocko, I don't want to jinx myself but I have been feeling much better.  As a matter of fact I went to my first Zumba class tonight,    boy am I out of shape... I really enjoyed the class and meeting new some new people and seeing some old classmates that I have not seen for years.  It is really unbelievable that we are approaching the one year mark. I am not ready to write that success story yet, still have some s/x that keep popping in for a visit , but hopefully I will be writing this story in the very near future, I hope things are going well for you....have to run but will write more later.

Take care and wishing all the BB a wonderful evening..

Ibmom

 

Hi Ibmom.  Glad to read that you're starting to turn the corner.  There is no jinxing it.  Will you likely have some future mini wave?  Possibly, but you are noticing progress and getting a good sense of the process.  Excellent news that you've taken an exercise class and getting out socially, another good sign.  No worries about the success story.  You will know when the time is right.  The main thing is to keep putting distance between you and the benzo as you gradually increase your activities and reengage with the joys in life.  If one thing becomes a little too much, take a step back or a break, then get back on the horse.  Wow, a year is almost here, eh?  I can say that I was 80% of the way at a year.  I still had a few kinks to work out after increasing activity, a trip or stressful family situation to deal with... but each hurdle made me a little stronger and more determined to get through this healing journey, even if it took a little longer than I first expected.

 

Take care,

 

Vertigo

[[gi...]]

My 3 Year Anniversary essay is at

http://www.benzobuddies.org/forum/index.php?PHPSESSID=89d99b952a0543329ee2db75999cd409&topic=37664.0

 

[[ve...]]

My 3 Year Anniversary essay is at

http://www.benzobuddies.org/forum/index.php?PHPSESSID=89d99b952a0543329ee2db75999cd409&topic=37664.0

 

Hey Ginger.  You've come a long way .  I loved reading about your visit to Sydney on New Year's eve. and the following quote really resonated :

 

"I stood on that outlook, knowing that I am not the same woman I was – not by a long shot.  But I am here. I am alive. I can laugh again. I can cry without going into hysterics. I can have anxiety attacks and keep them from leveling me. I can stave off panic attacks. I can manage my anger, although rage simmers just below the surface. I can enjoy a glass of wine or beer sometimes a couple times in a week. I can enjoy a couple cups of coffee in a row most days. I tolerate most vitamins; I can eat sweets (at certain times of the day). I’ve learned what I can put in my body and what I can’t; I’ve adapted".

 

Accept, adapt and accommodate!  Some very good advice wise lady.  I bet there's still some healing and fight left in you for 2012.  I love the way you plan trips and set goals for your bucket list and keep achieving them!  Keep on doing the things you enjoy.  Live, love and laugh.  Life is too short not to, eh? And cry or scream (a little) but not too much . Damn the torpedoes, right?  Full steam ahead.

 

 

Vertigo

[[Sc...]]

Hi Guys,

 

I don't write here much...but today I am 6 months off.  And I am so sick.  Nausea, adrenaline, inner trembling, intrusive thoughts, nerve pain...you name it.  I actually for the first time, officially feel worse than my taper.  how is this possible after a proper taper and good CLEAN eating.  No alcohol, not even a sip.  Only water. 

 

I just so discouraged.  I DO believe I'll get better, but when?  Did any of you get even worse this far out, and for how long?  It can't last forever.

 

Love and hugs,

Schatje

[[we...]]

I've seen what you are going through before, I know I did.  It gets better, you will soon.  My guess, about 2 months.

[[km...]]

Schatje,

6 months off is about the time I started to feel bad it was a wave of some type.  Hang in there it does get better.

Hugs

Kristin