Post Benzo Freedom Withdrawal Support Group

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wow Libby u are really something.  there is a book called How can I help?  it is not Christian but it talks in there about how strong and good we are when we can take on the pain of others.  an entire section of hospital workers who work in a wing of a hospital with termainally ill babies and how they decided to hold them all the time and how hard it was but how powerful and meaningful and good as well.  it was being part of something important.  u r doing something so imporrant and most people would be afraid.  i honor you sweetheart.  what a miracle u r. i want to know all about it.  what is her name? i live in florida and we have a lot of hiv.  i got sober with an hiv woman who got 30 years sober hiv the entire time.

i went to hippocrates institute  - a cutting edge facility for healing - mostly cancer - maybe u should google them - and read about wheat grass and green drink and healing.  i think u would find it interesting .  michael j fox went there; rosetta king, kenny loggins, they heal a lot of people naturally.  it is really expensive to go but u can read brian clement's books etc.

 

i so relate on the meds issue - an important lesson for me for sure.

 

today is my birthday so thanks for writing me.  so thankful for you xoxoxo

[[Li...]]

Oh Pan, I meant to wish you a happy birthday!!! I got called into a meeting while I was typing my first reply.

 

:yippee:  HAPPY BIRTHDAY PAN!!! :yippee:

 

I've never used PMs here on BB- are they back up and working now? If they are, I'll send you the name and photo of my girl!! I'm hesitant to put it on the forum because it's easy to trace who I am in my "real" life from the baby's info. I hope the PMs are up- you will not believe how precious this girl is!! She has stolen my whole heart and soul. Thank you for your kind words Pan. I'm definitely going to look into that book you mentioned. Sounds amazing. And I've heard of Hippocrates Institute in general terms, like I knew something like that existed, but didn't have the name, so thank you! I'm very, very interested in trying a raw food diet for both my health and my baby's (including green smoothies, which seems to be one of the best things you can do for your health, from what I've read). It's very difficult to do, but with her health problems (HIV isn't her only diagnosis), she's going to need any help she can get. At the same time, she'll probably be very healthy with the right meds, and her life expectency will be close to typical. The meds they have nowadays are amazing- such a change from even ten years ago.

 

Anyhow, if PMs are working, I'll send you the info!

 

Have a FABULOUS day!!

 

Love,

 

Libby

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wow libby - that is so unbelievably cool.  yes i think pm's are working.  there was a thread on it from colin.  i have not tried it yet tho..

do you have her yet?

[[mt...]]

HI Verti

I had a shot of 30 year old Whiskey (just could not refuse and it was wonderful) and a few sips of champayne over the Holidays with no real side effects.  I was already pretty overstimulated over so much activity but think adding some Omegas might have added more "simulation" to the mix.  I am feeling great now and glad I have my first Benzo free Christmas under my belt.  Birthday is in May and I may allow myself one of my favorite Vodka martinis...with 2 olives!  So glad to hear you are well and moving on...

 

Libby how wonderful to have a new baby to love, cherish and nurture.  There are no guarantees even with biological children.  It is good this baby will come to someone ready and able to care for them with such care and knowledge.  I send you blessings.

 

Sorry Dane to hear you are in a bad wave.  This journey can be so frustrating and discouraging at times...  Hope things turn around soon! 

 

Pan  Happy Happy Birthday!! 

 

All my best to all

Mimi

 

 

 

[[Li...]]

Pan, I don't have the baby yet. I SO wish I did!! It will be at least 8 months (in the event everything goes as fast as possible), to as long as 2 years before I get her. And, of course, it is not a for-sure thing. Although she is in an adoption-friendly area, there are still so many things that could go wrong. But I am praying and hoping for the best! (P.S. I sent you a PM!)

 

Mimi, I absolutely agree, there are no guarantees with children, regardless of how they come to you! I probably have one biological child, at least, down the road. I wasn't looking to start my family just yet, but I saw that little face, and that was that. People talk about "the whisper that turns into a scream- to go get that child" when you see the face of a child who is "meant" to be yours. That's definitely what I experienced. I've spent months going over all the reasons it's not a good idea- and still the whisper/scream remains. So I finally acted on it, and haven't looked back since. Onward and upward!

 

Love,

 

Libby

[[pi...]]

Hi all,

 

I thought I'd join this thread, I have been reading it for a while now.  I am happy that some of you are able to have libations again, I look forward to that someday.

 

Right now, my strongest and nastiest sxs is nerve and muscle pain.  If not for that I would actually feel pretty good. I have been to the doctor to make sure the pain is not from my cervical spine where I had fusion surgery in 09.  They seem to think that it is not coming from the facets and I agree, I think it is all due to withdrawal. I will have an mri next week to confirm this. The xrays were fine. 

 

It has been disheartening to have done so much bicycling from August through October and have these issues crop up at the end of October. I am going to have myofascial release massage next week.  I talked to the therapist for a long while today and she says its a long process but in the end will offer long term relief.  As opposed to injections which I was offerend and declined.

 

LibbyHow wonderful for you to have this special baby in your life. It sounds like you are ready to start a healthy life for you and your little girl.

 

pianogirl 

[[ve...]]

Remarkable about your plan to adopt, Libby.  You are certainly starting off the new year with a bang and a plan for change that many of us could only dream of.  You are walking the walk and that baby will be lucky to have you as a mother. 

 

Welcome to the Post Benzo thread Pianogirl. Sounds like you're still battling some nerve pain.  That's impressive that you were able to do so much bicycling over the summer.  I need to get back on my exercise bike TOMORROW! Ok, it'll  probably be on Monday .

 

Mimi.  Glad that you're taking it slow with regard to libations, a wise choice.  My guess it that you'll be fine in May for what you have planned.  "A First Benzo Free Christmas under your belt"!!!.  Sounds like a great track for a new song .

 

Hope the wave dissipates DPete.  19 months eh?  I had some rough spots in my second year as well.  You will likely start to feel better soon. 

 

Hang in there Pan.  To some degree, all our systems were shocked, whether a quickie taper, c/t or more slow taper...  It's just the nature of the beast.  It ebbs and flows, sometimes making us feel like it won't end, but it does.  2012 is going to be your year for healing .

 

Happy New Year everyone

 

Vertigo

 

 

[[ib...]]

Mimi and Vertigo……Happy New Year..... I will forever be indebted to you both for all that you have done for me. 

 

Ibmom

 

 

[[Gr...]]

You two are amazing, thank you so much, Mimi and Verti... I may not be in touch with you directly at this time, but your words find me and I find them. 

 

Happy New Year, with many blessings for healing and Peace in 2012!

 

With love and gratitude,

Gracie~

 

[[An...]]

Happy New Year everyone! Special wishes to Mimi and Verti for their support, so kind and encouraging!

 

Did you do anything special?  My husband wanted to go out (we were invited to a couple of things) but I have been a bit of a Miss Miserable since I returned from Israel so we stayed home.

 

I did very well on the trip but since I have been home I have been exhausted, have been sleeping a lot and am a bit unmotivated and depressed.  The morning jitters are bothering me too - I can't understand it, on my trip they didn't bother me that much.

 

Once I am up and about I am okay and functioning.  I still believe I turned a major corner at 7.5 months but am not over this quite yet. I was surprised to have this little bit of a downturn but I think I remember Verti saying the last 10% took some time.

 

Wishing everyone a really Happy New Year with many improvements and Jittery, I hope your sleep returns .. I am sure it will.

 

Love and peace

Angel

 

 

[[ve...]]

Happy New Year everyone! Special wishes to Mimi and Verti for their support, so kind and encouraging!

Did you do anything special?  My husband wanted to go out (we were invited to a couple of things) but I have been a bit of a Miss Miserable since I returned from Israel so we stayed home.I did very well on the trip but since I have been home I have been exhausted, have been sleeping a lot and am a bit unmotivated and depressed.  The morning jitters are bothering me too - I can't understand it, on my trip they didn't bother me that much.Once I am up and about I am okay and functioning.  I still believe I turned a major corner at 7.5 months but am not over this quite yet. I was surprised to have this little bit of a downturn but I think I remember Verti saying the last 10% took some time.Wishing everyone a really Happy New Year with many improvements and Jittery, I hope your sleep returns .. I am sure it will.

Love and peace

Angel

 

Hi Angel and all 2012 post benzo pepes .  Yes, it did take something like six months for that final 10 to 15% after I was a year out and feeling about 85% or so.  A couple waves from Thanksgiving thru New Years holidays led to some anxiety a year ago, things like getting a puppy got me revved up a bit in December 2010.  Also, I think I've mentioned that travel, particularly during the end of year holidays,  set me back for a few weeks after my return the last couple Decembers.  It was exactly two years ago that I woke up with Shingles, for example not long after my valium taper ended. 

 

Time changes, different eating habits, some alcohol consumption, too many sweets, generally "overdoing it" (emotionally and/or physically) tended to lead to some exhaustion and blues when I got home.  It may not be the case for all of you, but I think I'm not alone in this.  Even two years out and after a week with the inlaws and gee, is it surprising that I'm feeling tired and a little wiped out?   Of course I readily admit that I would likely feel this way regardless of pre benzo use! That being said, I think a system that is in recovery, can  still be a little more sensitive.  Too much stimulation whether with people you know, crowds, hassles of travel and other factors can lead to some mild to moderate setbacks I believe.  I had limited energy yesterday after a week of out of town non stop "partying"?  Ok, maybe it's not a party to be with my mother in law every day for a week .  But I think some of you all get what I mean.  Even before benzos, my wife and I tend to prefer to stay off the roads on New Year's eve.  And let's remember that I (and some of you all?)  took the benzo for a reason, had anxiety or some other issue then.  Some of it may be my make up to be a little more sensitive to stress, even though I feel I've learned some better coping skills these last couple of years. 

 

Anyway, hang in there Angel.  Quite normal to have a little setback after you get back from a trip.  I've had several trips where I did so much and surprised myself at how much energy I mustered "to be up" for the trip while I was there, only for  things to come crashing down to reality a bit upon return, most memorably in summer 2008 when I did my first c/t off valium after the "accidental addiction" with only three weeks of use.  At least you did manage to make your trip to Israel and from what I've heard so far, had a really nice time.

 

Much continued health and happiness in 2012!

 

Verti

[[An...]]

Thanks Verti

 

You always say the right things

 

Angel

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angel is right - u really do say the right things

 

angel i am doing much better here in month 7.  i go out to dinner; went to the beach today, have good windows.  i am so thankful.  month 6 was brutal for me.  i still get little waves of anxiety and dr/dp and shortness of breathe.  mild depression, but i have some issues that contribute to that i think.

i have tough mornings too and once i get going i do ok

there is still a general kind of edginess inside me but nothing like it was

i can't believe how hard those months were; i am so proud of us for enduring this

[[Li...]]

Pan, darling, I sent you a PM the other day. Did you get it? Maybe I didn't do it right! I've never received a PM but I think you just go to the top where it says "messages," but maybe someone who has used them before could chime in. Glad to hear month 7 is better than month 6 was for you.

 

Thanks Verti and Pianogirl for the kind words- I definitely teared up a bit reading them. This whole adoption scenario is so emotional- a child's life is at stake!- so I am so very thankful for any and all support. It's funny, sometimes support comes from places you least expect it (ie friends I haven't seen in a long time or people I don't know that well), and then some of the people you expect to be the most supportive are the least supportive (ie some of my best friends). I am learning to try not to have any expectations at all for anyone in this regard. Learning so much, and still in the early stages. Absolutely not a clue what 2012 holds, but holding on for dear life!!! And truly, so very excited. I've always wanted to be a Mom. Never had an inkling that it would come about this way or at this time in my life, but I am thrilled nevertheless. You can practically see the potential just sparkling in this baby's eyes, even as she sits unattended in an orphanage- she is just a gem.

 

Angel, I'm sorry to hear that you're still struggling with the last 10% or so, but I have to say your attitude about it is great. Just patiently waiting and hanging in there. I wouldn't even know what to rate myself as, percentage-wise- I just know I'm still struggling, but not nearly as much as I was in the beginning. I think I might have some, what do they call it, kindling going on. I was on and off benzos several times, and even though this is the longest I've stayed off (and now that I know more about them, make no doubt about it, this is the LAST time) and this withdrawal was easier than the others because I finally kknew what was going on, I'm also worn down by it all. I haven't been completely well since 2008, and I am exhausted. Emotionally and physically! Brain fog has been one of my worst symptoms, along with fatigue, and I'm thinking my diet might need a major overhaul. I've talked about trying a raw diet, and even dabbled in it a little, but I feel like I need something major. Wonder if maybe I even have a little gluten intolerance or something. It just doesn't seem like I should still be struggling so much at this point. Then again, I'm working long hours and NOT eating properly, so who knows how much of how I feel is even withdrawal. I guess the only way to find out would be to make some changes and see. It's so hard to make those changes though when I'm literally falling over tired. But, if it would help, I need to stop whining and do it. Especially if I'm going to get "completely" healthy, as I keep saying, and in better shape before I get my baby. Okay, that helped to clarify some things for me. Thanks for listening!!

 

Happy New Year to all of you! 2012 is going to be OUR year. Healing, health, and happiness.

 

Love,

 

Libby

 

 

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libby - ; no i did not get my pm yet but i will check on it.

 

i honestly think we need to eat a lot of vegetables.  i got a scholarship for hippocrates health institute and learned so much there.  we need live food - it has life and energy; if u plant an apple you get life a tree - if u plant applesauce - nothing.  even if u just threw spinach, romaine and a few carrots in a blender everyday u would feel better.  i got so well when i went there.  they cure cancer and everything there.  u can google them and get on their mailing list.  i believe in how healthy wheat grass is too but i don't get it now; but i buy the powdered and start my day with it for my tummy.  i know what u mean tho - it's hard to do vegetables with how weak we are.  i was making green drink everyday for years and felt so good when i was; cukes, celery, sprouts. live food.  my friend who eats all raw is the healthiest person i know.  she just brought me this delicious cucumber soup; she makes the best kale salad.  she's lucky because she likes to make it; i'm bored  with cooking, but i am getting more committed.

 

have u heard from leena?  i miss her a lot.

 

i love u so much.  i am still the butterfly whisperer and that is fun.  oh in a 4 day window...or wait..maybe i'm all better...smile

i will go see if i can figure out pm's now  xoxoxo

thanks for writing us the long note.  u totally rock kiddo

[[mt...]]

HI POST Taper BB's,

Wanted to stop by and send all of you my deepest wishes for a prosperous New Year.  May we all continue to heal and become the happiest healthiest wisest most loving human beings on the planet. 

 

Big hug to all

Mimi

[[An...]]

Pan, that is the best news I have heard from you for a while! You are sounding so much more positive.  Month 6 was brutal for me too and then the middle of the 7th month it turned around.  The symptoms you describe exactly mirror mine but I am definitely feeling close to healing.  I am hoping that by month 9 or 10 the niggly morning anxiety and the "edginess" will dissipate. 

 

I recall that pre-benzo I didn´t have good days all the time - I very often felt "off" or under the weather but just accepted it, then a good day came along and I felt great.  But I think you just accept it.  We are much more in touch with our feelings since we have been on and off benzos which is probably not such a good thing.

 

I so admire you and Libby and others who have been working all the way through this -  especially in a job like yours Pan where you have to put on a brave face day in and day out even when you are feeling like cr*p!!  You should give yourself a pat on the back and am so relieved you are seeing the light now.

 

Libby -am so happy for you with your news of your little girl - what a wonderful thing to look forward to!  You are another of life´s blessings!  I am afraid I have not been particularly careful with my diet throughout so cannot advise there - I think it is trial and error but it is important to eat properly even if it is a healthy sandwich.

 

Anyway, the sun is shining here in Spain (we have not had a winter though we really need the rain ... the vegetation is really suffering) ... so am off to walk my doggie

 

Happy New Year everyone.  The good thing about this thread is that we are fortunate enough to be post-benzo and 2012 will be a year of complete healing hopefully.  I doubt if many of us will be contributing by the end of the year and other poor s*ds will take our place!

 

Love

Angel

[[ib...]]

HI POST Taper BB's,

Wanted to stop by and send all of you my deepest wishes for a prosperous New Year.  May we all continue to heal and become the happiest healthiest wisest most loving human beings on the planet. 

 

Big hug to all

Mimi

 

Thanks Mimi.....same to you

 

God Bless

Ibmom

 

[[...]]

thanks angel; really

 

guys i'm sorry but i'm a bit panicked.  my eye felt hurting last night and maybe rubbing it - don't know bvut then it got all cloudy and now it is so cloudy i can't see out of it hardly at all.  my eye doctor is off today.  talked to him and an opthmalogist.  he mentioned that the cornea should have cleared by now if i got lotion in it or something and that maybe it is a retina stroke or issue.  i am pretty scared.  keep me in your prayers ok?  thanks so much; he told me to go get drops but they made it worse.  see a doctor tomorow; it's kind of a holiday they said

[[ve...]]

Hi Pan.  What part of the country are you in?  I know a good retina specialist in Florida and in Southern California.  I think you posted recently that you were near a beach.  Anyway, hope it turns out to be nothing.  When I got Shingles two years ago, I was lucky to not have any visual complications, but I went to a special opthamolagist to be sure.  I recently had a special x ray to reconfirm that there was no damage.  I've heard that cloudy eye could be a cataract issue but usually in older people and can easily be cleared up with cataract surgery.  Or hopefully your cloudy eye will turn out to be something much milder and be treatable with some eye drops.

 

Keep us posted,

 

Vertigo

[[Li...]]

Oh Pan I am definitely praying for you!! Please keep us posted when you can, and you'll be in my thoughts and prayers. One time I had a migraine without the headache and I lost vision completely in one eye for several hours. I was panicked and crying and scared. When they told me it was migraine I laughed because my head didn't hurt and I thought they were idiots, but they were right. It cleared up by the next day, but it was TERRIFYING. So I understand the panic. Hang in there love.

 

Love,

 

Libby

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hanks Libby; i get pretty scared on and off; praying is helping a lot.  it is not getting better.  i have to believe it will clear up.  it' s hard to not be able to see.  thank u for praying sweetie

[[An...]]

Oh Pan 

 

Sorry to hear this.  Hopefully it will be nothing, please keep us posted.

 

You are in my thoughts and prayers.

 

Angel xx

[[ba...]]

Great idea have been benzo free for65 days  put but me on your buddy list and keep me advised when thread starts thank you bando

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hi dear ones - verti i did not see your message before.  yes i am in south florida area.  i just poked around and there is a cyst thing in the corner of the eye so i think that is a good sign - like it was hurting and maybe my rubbing caused the cornea to be upset and it will all work out.

thank you so much for caring; it means so much.  i am so humbled