12-18 month support

[[Co...]]

Mike, you are not whining. You are in hell. My heart is with you all the way. I also have not had 24 hours of good for 4/5 weeks...Hoping the same thing....that this is the killer wave before a big..  really big turn around. This is my worse wave since months 3-7.  I was also getting a pattern of a few awful days that would give way to some half way decent days...not windows, but a lessening of intensity.

...I have all of the sx you list and am tortured by health fear. I am glad you mentioned eye pain.  That's a new one for me..Anxiety has me needing extra courage to take the dog out.  haven't seen that one since acute.

  .You are the buddy who was out shoveling snow in the middle of an anxiety attack. You are not whining...or taking the show. This is precisely why we are here. This is exactly what prevented me from reinstating in the middle of this wave. This is one of the worst for a few of us. Hold on...don't give up ( I wanted to so bad)  We are all going to get past this one. HH was in a huge string of anxiety and panics right before she started to feel sx dropping off like rain off her back. She is now just waiting for the test of a little time before she writes her success story.

...I am in the exact same row boat with you.  Pm me any time...at all.  This was a dangerous wave for me in terms of wanting to quit.  I am so thinking of you Mike.  Just take care of yourself.  ...We are all with you. Post as much as you need to for support.  coop

[[Co...]]

Man, Nova....this is not your day...snow?!!...You better eat some cookies....We have rain here...after some sunny days...Well, plenty of wavy misery to go around. Good thing we are a band of buddies .. .nobody has to get through this day alone...and nobody is going to be left behind.

...I really expected so much better by now...I had a 5 hour break yesterday afternoon...trying to get through this wave on that bit of sun...

...I am thinking of all of us...hoping for healing...for every single one of us...coop

[[No...]]

Coop ... at least I had a good hysterical laugh ... my wife thought I was losing it until she looked and the window and began to deliver a very pointed bunch of remarks ...

 

I escaped back t my chuckling ... 

[[je...]]

Mike,

This has been a rough couple of months for a lot of us. Its even harder to take I think because of how far out we are, and how tired we are of this whole process. I get the muscle weakness too, in fact I wrote a rather whiney post a few pages back of how awful I feel so don't feel bad about the rant. Let's hope and pray that this really is the big wave before major healing. Hugs, Jenny

[[Co...]]

PEEPS....nobody is whining....Several of us are suffering...weeks into suffering....This thread was started by Green to support those of us weary and worn out from months of hard w/d....All complaining, crying, knashing of teeth, crabbing, snarking, wanting to quit and lamenting is welcome here...We all get it...better here than on our poor families and friends....Rant Central...open for support ...coop

[[be...]]

Hi guys,

Woke up today with no anxiety, but I cant move.. My muscles are so extremely weak all over my body that walking is too hard for me right now... Anyone on here ever get this sx?? I have had it on/off in the past, but today is pretty severe--everything aches, and feels tired and weak. Also, my feet hurt--it hurts to walk on them with barefoot, so I need to find some cushy slippers.. Feels like Im 85 years old today..  Hugs to everyone, Jenny

 

Jenny, I don't have the weak muscles today but I do have the tight locked up muscles. I have had the weak muscles before and felt like I couldn't walk without falling over and had to hold onto things.

I found out that putting to much Epsom salts in my bath water sometimes made my legs feel weak... I don't know why....maybe they were just relaxed and felt weak..sometimes we just can't pinpoint this stuff.

Hope this leaves soon.

[[be...]]

Nova, we had a snow covering here last night..it's all melted now. We are back down in the 30's at night and much rain of the day....Yuck!!!

 

Mike- Sorry you are having a rough day...the beast is making the rounds.

Ranting is therapeutic and we encourage it when in the soup pot...rant on.

 

 

 

[[He...]]

Hi Friends,

I wanted to share some of my posts from about 18 1/2 months out.  I copied these 3 from my old posts just to remind you of where I was at that time. 

 

"My body hurts, sometimes feeling like I have acid or poison coursing through my veins.  My sleep has slipped somewhat from where it was a few months ago, so I am very tired and have depression hovering over everything. Sometimes I shake like I'm cold, and have the tight band feeling around my head. I get some floaty boatiness also at times, along with mild to moderate DP/DR. My symptoms have changed during the last 6 months to more physical ones, which caused a spike in my anxiety...especially these last 8 weeks or so. My anxiety is calming down again as I get my test results back and things are "normal". I just feel SICK to various degrees."

 

"The one thing I keep coming back to is that I NEVER had anxiety like this before. Ever. That must mean this is all withdrawal, and if it's withdrawal I will heal. It's just a matter of making it through. That's what the experts and those who have healed all say, right?

God, I am so tired of feeling the need to cry all over this thread. I'm sorry....I'm sure you guys are tired of hearing me. This past month has just absolutely pulled the rug out from under me."

 

"Shell-shocked.

I think that's the word to describe how I feel today.  This past week has been one of the worst I have gone through in this recovery process, and the month of December has been the toughest since passing one year. I sure hope the conventional wisdom that waves equals healing is true!"

 

This is where I was back in January.  It was ugly and awful.  I felt like I certainly was regressing.  I felt so very SICK all the time.  I was pretty much convinced that I was dying, while going crazy.  My body hurt and was so very tight all over.   

 

But NOW?  I'm going on many weeks of feeling GOOD!    I have had some slightly wavy times, but it's nothing like it was.  EVERYTHING has calmed down....even my health anxiety that was through the roof.  It really, really DOES get better!  I promise.    You are so very close.....even if it doesn't feel like it.

 

Love to you all!     

[[Co...]]

Jenny ...so sorry...Glad your anxiety lifted....how much Epsome salts do you add to the bath?...do you use it every day? Magnesium.. ( the stuff in Epsome salts) does relax your muscles...but it shouldn't cause that much misery...man, what a bunch we are...Beulah, when are you opening your Island Healing  Commune...we need it....coop

[[Co...]]

HH....thank you so much.  I am 6 weeks into hell....all the things you said...especially the anxiety and health fear. Some of the other buddies are just as sad...as you k ow from reading the thread.

.. .Your post is prayer answered. I remember when you were so brave and got up and put on your lipstick and dressy shoes and went to the doctor. I thought you were the bravest person in the world......Your support is going to get a lot of us through the night....I still can not imagine how you kept teaching through all that. I have to 'be brave' to take the dog out. I have digressed miles and miles  in one month.

......thank you for taking the time to encourage us tonight...love to you....coop

[[Mi...]]

Thanks Jenny, COOP, Beulah, Nova, everyone!! 

 

Thank you HH!!  What a great few paragraphs to repost.  Makes me feel hopeful, very hopeful, the opposite of what I've felt all day today. 

 

Would you mind sharing with us anything that you are doing lately that feels effortless to accomplish?  How about laughing?  Does laughing and engaging in exciting upbeat conversation rev you up at all?  Even on a good day that is one of my biggest annoyances. 

[[Ko...]]

Hi guys,

Woke up today with no anxiety, but I cant move.. My muscles are so extremely weak all over my body that walking is too hard for me right now... Anyone on here ever get this sx?? I have had it on/off in the past, but today is pretty severe--everything aches, and feels tired and weak. Also, my feet hurt--it hurts to walk on them with barefoot, so I need to find some cushy slippers.. Feels like Im 85 years old today..  Hugs to everyone, Jenny

 

Yes, Jenny I was just going to ask about this. I'm having terrible muscle aches & pains and it's difficult to walk. I had to use a wheelchair in the airport. Can't believe it. I used to walk 2 or 3 miles every other day. I was an athlete and still stayed in shape even though I'm almost 70. This sx is one of the worst for me. The other is painful benzo belly. I feel like a boa constrictor is wrapped around me.

This has got to get better. I don't recognize myself.

Korbe

[[be...]]

HH- Thank you so much for that!!

I am so very happy for all the healing you have received ...and very well deserved.

I'm sure you are out living your life with some remaining symptoms but well enough to enjoy living each day again.

 

Yes, healing does happen...thank you again for all of your support and taking the time to post the encouraging news...it's all good.

 

Keep going forward and keep living the life. Healing happens!!

[[Ko...]]

Thanks Healing for reminding us that we will get through this and we're almost there. This has been the hardest time for me. Not a single window in 2 months. I see most everyone else is suffering too.

 

I think it's fine to whine. Where else can we go to get  empathy. I say whine all you want.

 

Coop, You're amazing. Always there to put in a kind or clever word even if you feel awful. Thank you for that.  Glad you're over the awful dizziness.

 

Forgot to tell you guys I met a nurse at the ER that actually knew about Benzo W/D. She had a friend that took Ativan prescribed for 2 months and it took him 2 yrs to heal. So she totally got that my edema was caused by W/d. Of course everyone else was clueless.

 

Keep posting it helps Neto read your whines and fun comments. Thanks to all.

 

Korbe

[[Mi...]]

Just felt like saying thank you for the 2nd time in 20 minutes.  I was just brushing up getting ready for bed and realized I was thinking normally about some things I want to get done tomorrow.  I was able to look at myself in the mirror and say "you can do this, you got this".  When I read positive things it really has an immediate impact, even when I'm not feeling well.  Thank you again HH!  You couldn't have posted at a better time.  Going to bed angry and depressed tonight would not have helped the start of my tomorrow.

[[je...]]

HH-- thanks for all the encouragement! Miss seeing your posts on here 

 

Beulah, and korbe -- thanks for the reply. Like I said I've had this before, but this is a bad case. I literally can't walk, I'm too weak to hold myself up. Korbe, I can see why you had to use a wheelchair.. If I had to walk anywhere today I wouldn't be able to. So sorry your having such a rough time with it.

[[je...]]

Just felt like saying thank you for the 2nd time in 20 minutes.  I was just brushing up getting ready for bed and realized I was thinking normally about some things I want to get done tomorrow.  I was able to look at myself in the mirror and say "you can do this, you got this".  When I read positive things it really has an immediate impact, even when I'm not feeling well.  Thank you again HH!  You couldn't have posted at a better time.  Going to bed angry and depressed tonight would not have helped the start of my tomorrow.

 

 

Tomorrow will be a better day Mike!

[[Co...]]

You're going to be ok Mike.. Sleep well.  coop..

[[Mi...]]

Thanks, same to both of you.  I hope tomorrow is awesome for everyone struggling.  Nite

[[No...]]

HH ... thank you for your post ... I have my fingers crossed ... 

[[No...]]

Well, tried to sleep ... got hit with the vibrations and zaps ... guess I will be around for a while tonight ... 

[[Co...]]

Korbe.  Glad to see you here tonight.  It's a hard day for some of us today. HH was just who we needed. .. It's great to know that the few and far between health professionals who are benzo wise recognize that 2 years is in the typical realm for healing. ...I hope you are feeling better.  We are all in such need of a better day.  Wishing you some sunbreaks.  .coop

[[Co...]]

Nova...you are really getting battered around today.  I am up too.  Anxiety cycling ....Even the dog is tired of looking at my worried face.  He has retreated to the furthest corner of the king size bed..  poor fella ..

.....Do you have cookies?....Tea?. .I'll be over to do a puzzle with you...I can concentrate about 3 minutes out of every 10..

....The night will pass and tomorrow just has to be better.  coop.. 

[[No...]]

Coop ... yep, this will pass ... I am listening to an audiobook and will probably nod off in a while ...

 

I just don't bother trying to be where I am not ... if I am not sleeping, well okay ... I will sleep eventually ...

 

Things are not "terrible" ... more of a nuisance ... and folks keep saying side effects are a sign of healing ... and I figure the way things have been going these last 18 months I should be healing 3 or 4 times over ... 

[[Gr...]]

If only our dragons were ' Puff'....Acceptance is mostly impossible for me to maintain in an anxiety attack...I just go over the cliff in an eye blink. Just barely floating a half inch above it is my best on any given ddy. It is exhausting as for me, it requires re-centering about every 10 seconds. At some point it is just merely frustrating ( understatement of the centuey)...and I just have to cry.  Then I am back to re- centering....This is the hardest job I have ever had and the benefit package stinks..  We will get through this. My d/r is back today with its twin , anxiety.. but at a manageable level. The still clear wonderful calm of yesterday afternoon is gone but I am mostly functional. I slept like normal last night so I am taking that bribe and hoping benzo pays off ....well we all know what a trick that always turns out to be......Which cave do the friendly dragons live in anyway?  coop

 

Coop, you just described my anxiety waves.  Horrible.  It will pass.  Just go slow, maybe some old distractions?  I was thinking of Parker, remember her?  Her stuff helped me enormously in the beginning.  She used to say, when it was really bad, all you have to do is survive, just breathe, that's all, until it passes.  Feel better.