6-12 month thread....

[[dr...]]

Sky-good to hear you did pretty well.  The benzos can effect our internal thermostat.  I'm hot all the time.

 

Nova-make me breakfast!

 

G-glad your getting better

 

I'm okay. My gi issues are terrible from 5-11am each day. It's crazy.  Today they aren't so bad. Have a dr appt tomorrow but just to see what's up and not freaking.  My gf has had it w me whining. She feels we are exaggerating and I'm obsessing on my symptoms.  She is probably right on the obsessing as that comes from health anxiety.  I went to a Halloween party w her last night.  I promised myself I wouldn't mention how I felt all day yesterday.  I actually made it. I wonder if I don't talk about the symptoms will they have less power on me.

I told my old psychologist I need to start seeing him again.  I don't have the support network as they are all burned out on this and I don't want to lose anymore relationships.

 

Hope all have a healing day.

 

Drew

[[...]]

Ahhh yes, Drew, those close to us think we should be over this by now! Heck, I think we should be over this by now!    buuutttt...we're not, sooo, good for you for knowing when to find someone to talk to!

 

[[pe...]]

Thanks for all the encouragement.  This thing really is a grab bag from day to day and I certainly cover a lot of ground, but things are holding at ok. It certainly helps that my husband returned on Friday from a week long work trip. Taking care of the boys solo and working full time is not ideal even in the best of health. Too much, I tell ya!

 

GMIT- I relate to the negative thinking and trying to change the channel. My sister once sent me a quote that says, "Tell the negative committee that meets inside your head to sit down and be quiet!" I hope the fishing provides a bit of a break for your brain.

 

Sky-  I've heard many times that temperature is one of the things effected in recovery. Our thermostat is directed by our brain and our brains are trying to unscramble. I'm sorry it's causing some discomfort and distress for you and Mr. Sky. I wish I had better advice… I'm glad you had a nice time at the dinner.

 

Drew- It sounds like you're getting everything sorted out with your physical symptoms and emotional needs. You continue to have a practical approach to all this, looking for answers that might provide some relief or peace of mind. Nice work on keeping the whining under wraps. I feel like a superstar when I go for more than a couple hours without mentioning it….

 

Curious about everyone else. How's it going?

Is it snowing yet, Nova? I think we're in for a beautiful winter.

 

By the way, Melissa Bond is a benzo survivor and writer. She's working on a book about her experience as a mother, insomnia, benzos and recovery. She's half way done and has a kickstarter fundraising thing going on. If you want to check it out, here's a link

 

https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/1805010350/dear-little-fish-a-memoir?ref=nav_search

 

[[mr...]]

On kickstarter? That's too cool! My husband's buddy follows kickstarter like a hawk, and is always sending us links to things he thinks we'd like & such. Looking forward to checking her link out; thanks for posting it. Off to an 8-year-old's bowling party now. Should be a good time -- just one month ago at her sister's party, I was buzzing with anxiety and fatigue. Things are improving for sure -- I am grateful.

 

Off I go; take care for now

 

Mrs. 

[[Sk...]]

THings are so quiet here today. I hope everybody is well enough.

 

I am on my  way to bed. Today was a good day, as in not suffering day, but I spent it being scared of simptoms coming any minute. Holding my breath, in fear for the awful vibrations and palps.

 

THat is no way to spend a day off symptoms.

 

I do feel whiny. I mean, I am a little tired of feeling like I am trapped in  a time machine. And my thoughts are bouncing around, can't keep after them.

 

Anyway, today is over, I wish everybody the best. Can't wait to read how  the weekend was for you guys. 

 

Btw, Green, hang in  there, you are having it rough, I just read your progress log. You are going through a lot, but things will look up.

 

I think that after the shock of Ct, the time after 9 months must be the hardest. We must bear it, this long wave  can't last forever.

 

Night folks ! 

[[dr...]]

Goodnight sky. Hope you sleep well. 

 

My tummy wasn't nearly as bad today and once the morning ended I felt pretty good. I have had very few symptoms and a good mental clarity the last few days except for the tummy.  I dare say if the stomach stuff stays at bay I might be in a window!

[[He...]]

I am officially 16 months, 2 days off Klonopin after 5 years of use!  I have to put in a jumping-up-and-down smilie for that statement!! 

This weekend has been not as great symptom-wise as the previous few weeks, but I'm still doing OK.  Just some revving up again of my anxiety, mostly health anxiety with the accompanying intrusive thoughts, and some chest tightness/weirdness.  I have also woken up with cortisol rushes the past 2 mornings, but am able to fall back asleep.  I'm not 100% out of the woods yet, but that's OK, I'm close.  I will be thankful where I am at the moment.

 

We left on Friday for my daughter's volleyball game at a town that is 7 1/2 hours away.  They played, and WON!, yesterday and we drove back home.  LOTS of hours in the car, many of them without cell service.  This is what pushed my health anxiety up a bit...I kept thinking "what if I had a heart attack now, we couldn't even call 911."

 

The great news is that my daughter's team won the game and they are now playing in the state championship games, starting with the quarterfinals on Friday.  We'll be traveling to that, too, but it's only about 3 hours away.  I am so incredibly proud of her and her teammates!! 

 

I still have a lot to get done before today ends:  write a paper for my masters, get my lesson plans done for the week, and start getting things organized for a whirlwind week.

 

Lots of love and healing prayers for you this week!

HH   

[[...]]

So wonderful HH! You sound so good and I'm glad you are sharing!

 

[[No...]]

Good Morning ...

 

HH ... a whirlwind week ... so good to hear from those out in front of me ... so much marvelous energy ... good news indeed ...

 

Well ... no snow ... we were on the "warm" side of the storm ... warm enough anyway ... some places west of us got more than a foot of "mess" ... just windy and cold here ... our "typical" November weather ... warming up again tomorrow ... "yo-yo weather" I call it ...

 

Good sleep ... easy dreams ... the revving that pops up releases after an hour or so ... seem to be out of that "relentless" stuff for a while ... the 8 week -  one year out wave is now in the books ... been there, done that, don't want another T-shirt ...

 

Spent yesterday in kind of a doldrum space ... didn't wanna' do anything ... so I didn't ... that's why the goddess invented football and leftovers ...

 

Hoping we all have an easy Monday ...

 

[[...]]

Nova, I'm glad you got good sleep, and that the revving lets up after about an hour or so!

 

I spent yesterday watching football and spitting it tubes  for my 24 hour cortisol test, which I will mail back to the latest today! I'm hoping to have the results back by next week when I see my doc again. She ran complete blood work and we will review everything and possibly begin treatment for my thyroid.

 

I posted on another thread that on a thyroid forum I frequent many said they had Hashimoto's for years (just like me) and something major happened in their life (for me this would be tolerance and wd), some said health issues, car accident, etc, that they suddenly had major issues with their thyroid function and/or adrenal functions! My tests show my thyroid is dying and conventional docs won't treat until the thyroid dies! This makes no sense to me...many "older" docs, D.O's, and natural holistic docs will say treat with low dose natural meds to keep the thyroid functioning as long as possible! Imagine that! Someone would actually keep their own organ and try to keep it functioning as optimally as possible as long as possible! Newer docs will flat out say, "When the thyroid dies we will begin treatment!"

 

Because I've never had the health fears it took me 7 months to go to the doc after I jumped. I'm more concerned that this could still be wd, even though my blood work clearly supports that my body is attacking itself and killing my thyroid. I don't want to begin treatment for something if it's just that I need to heal from this! All the symptoms of wd are the same with hypothyroidism, so I question myself about whether I'm wasting my time going to the doc.

 

Ok...rant over, just what's on my mind this morning!

 

[[No...]]

GMIT ... hmmm ... first, I know nothing about the thyroid process ... and this "pattern" sure sounds familiar ... "is it this or is it that?" ... and ... "when and how to act" ...

 

Now that my brain is clearing more and more each month, I am moving towards a place of ... supporting my body as much as I can ... listen to the "professionals" attentively ... "listen" to my body some more ... intervene only if I need more information - or - there is a clear reason to intervene to stop a process that will affect me negatively ...

 

The "one size fits all" ... and "instant fix" without awareness or responsibility ... just no longer apply to me ... and ... life is messy ... lots of unknowns ... and some stress from time to time ... and I believe where there is not trust there can be no healing ...

 

Sorry, most of the time I "just don't know" ... and one of the hopes I have for the years I have left, is to live peacefully with that "not knowing" and make another loaf of bread while I am waiting to find out ...

 

[[pe...]]

Thinking of you GMIT. I hope you have/can find a doctor you feel comfortable with to help you sort some of these things out. I don't understand enough about the body and medicine to be of any help, but I'm thinking of you and think Nova has a great approach.

 

Love and healing to you.

Peace2

[[...]]

Thanks to you both! I truly am not looking for answers from anyone as much as just writing what was on my mind this morning, sorry!

 

I'm cautiously moving forward to help my body...if at any point it doesn't feel right, I'll stop! Just don't want to make things worse! I'm concerned that treating anything at this point could upset my healing from benzos, but I can't neglect one thing to assist another, I believe!

 

I sure hope everyone is doing great today!

 

[[pe...]]

GMIT- You know so much this time around, about trusting your instincts and staying tuned into your own body. I'm proud of you for taking care of yourself and bravely exploring the questions even while you're still in recovery. I think you get the MIGHTY GIRL award for this one.

 

I won't even go to the dentist until I'm in a better place….

 

[[pe...]]

Re-entry

I was talking with my husband this morning about the division of 'labor' at our house. He does most everything to keep us going from scheduling appointments for the boys to all the grocery shopping, cooking, laundry, dishes, yard work, etc. It just really hit me how much I've been out of the loop, how much energy I've put into making it through each day. I was ticking off the list of duties and his was much longer and I said, "All I do is hang on." And he said, "Exactly. That's what you do and everyday I'm grateful because what you do is harder." 

 

 

[[...]]

Aawwww Peace! He sounds like a keeper!!!

 

So sweet! We will heal and do more than hang on and fight for dear life!

 

You're awesome (and so is he!)

 

[[wh...]]

Hi everyone;

you all sound pretty good today.   we all seem so much more accepting of all this.

I feel that I am not so desperate and scared now. That is a big relief because it was unbearable.  Went for a long hike in the nice autumn air yesterday and felt pretty good.  I was able to enjoy it for the most part.  I still get easily upset if there is any stress and body aches; itchy skin; stomach; tire easily....still ....but better. 

I have continued to do things no matter what and it has helped I think.  Sometimes it might rev my body symptoms up so I am being a little more careful of that. 

Early morning anxiety/fear/dread still really bothers me and I will be very happy to see it gone for good....

I have had moments of "that effortless mind" that Coop refers to and it feels so good...ahhhhhhh......

Have a good day everyone; we are getting there....

[[wh...]]

Sky....I think it was your post about being cold.....that has been happening to me too lately.....

Really cold; not being able to warm up easily.....could be thyroid but could be withdrawal.....

It passes so I'm not too concerned..so many different body things with all this. I just try to roll with it.

Does anyone else have eczema or red, itchy skin.  Just my hands but its been since all this started plus really sore thumbs like arthritis.......

hope it all goes away too.    Some of it may just be getting older stuff too...........

[[No...]]

Peace ... "all I do is hang on ..." ... hmmm ...

 

Oftentimes we in recovery are not up to the minute aware of "how much" we are doing ... and the "energy" it takes us to move through our day ...

 

The farther out I get I marvel, hell marvel is way too small a word, at "how much" we are doing ... this recovery / healing is a 24 hour a day task we are getting through ... if we hold down a job, interact with our families and community, and "step in" where and when we can, that is a bonus ...

 

We are not living two years ago, or five years ago ... we are living right now, right here ... wherever we are ... and I still find it difficult to recognize what I have accomplished and what I have "spent" to get to today ... those around me have to remind me ...

 

So, you had a "reminder" yesterday ... this one should cover today ....

 

[[No...]]

Hi Whoot ... so good to hear you are "managing" ... that is so much of the struggle after acute ... finding a rhythm ... a pattern that can suit our day ...

 

Doing what we can, if we can, when we can ... sort of like housecleaning or gradually picking up some of the pieces after a very messy "celebration" ...

 

Have a good day ...

[[wh...]]

Thanks Nova; things are getting more manageable.....that is a relief.  Still get a lot of fear/dread....

I do "feel" a lot more like myself though....connected to friends and loved ones....that I could not do without and I never want to feel that disconnection again......ever.  All of us.

 

You sound good. I cut and pasted your word for the day "breath" ...it comforted me.  Thank you friend.

This board and all of you have been such a Godsend through this...

Have a good day out there on the coast. Just one snow fall so far here and it didn't stick...hoping it stays away until December. Not likely..lol. 

[[Sk...]]

Sky....I think it was your post about being cold.....that has been happening to me too lately.....

Really cold; not being able to warm up easily.....could be thyroid but could be withdrawal.....

It passes so I'm not too concerned..so many different body things with all this. I just try to roll with it.

Does anyone else have eczema or red, itchy skin.  Just my hands but its been since all this started plus really sore thumbs like arthritis.......

hope it all goes away too.    Some of it may just be getting older stuff too...........

 

Whoot, yes, eczema big time. My foot looks like I have had the plague, it is awful. FInd it hard to believe my skin will recover ever from this thing, it is so leathery !! I get horrid itching fits there. I get these fits especially in the evening when things are worse. But my foot, is worse .

 

NOw, I don't dare blow my nose and it is driving me nuts but it was blowing my nose that triggered the nosebleed. So I am traumatized.

 

Today, I feel awful, my vibrations are out of this world. My palps follow whatever the vibrations are doing and I have pain in my eyes. I had two lessons right now, somehow it makes things worse and helps at the same time. Hard to explain !

I don't think I could do this full time though, my brain just shuts down at some point and I quit making sense.

 

For the lessons, today I had a short session that I missed because I had misunderstood the time. So mr SKy will have to help me read and remember the timetables. So sorry to have to bother him even more.

 

But it is necessary.

 

Re-entry

I was talking with my husband this morning about the division of 'labor' at our house. He does most everything to keep us going from scheduling appointments for the boys to all the grocery shopping, cooking, laundry, dishes, yard work, etc. It just really hit me how much I've been out of the loop, how much energy I've put into making it through each day. I was ticking off the list of duties and his was much longer and I said, "All I do is hang on." And he said, "Exactly. That's what you do and everyday I'm grateful because what you do is harder." 

 

Peace, yourhusband sound like one amazing  guy, you are lucky to have each other.

 

I am starting to follow the other thread of buddies that are our "age", waiting for it to take off.

 

Everybody have a nice day. 

 

[[...]]

Sorry Sky, I hope you improve quickly!!

 

[[dr...]]

hello all...I am in a bit of a window in spite of my Dr. visit this am.  I twas a different Dr. than usual.  I went for my GI distress as I want to make sure it is in check.  I understand my recovery is causing some of this but I also don't want my esophagus getting ruined while waiting to heal.  I mention my benzo situation and he sounds knowledgeable.  he says he never puts anyone on them for longer than 2 weeks as they are so hard to quit. 

 

He checks my blood pressure and asks if I am on BP medicine.  I tell him no but it usually excellent and I am sure benzos have something to do with it being high.  It was 150/90.  He says he would have me on BP meds but  told him I am not doing anything like that until another year out unless it skyrockets.  I also tell him to check it at the end of my appt. too. 

 

He looks at my EKG I brought in for my records from the ER.  He says "this looks normal for someone who had a heart attack"  I said "what?"  He said "I thought you had a heart attack"  I explain that I came here for reassurance and he isn't helping.  I used the Mrs. plan of attack explaining my health fears and  my need for reassurance.  He then said that the EKG is abnormal but everything else came back fine like the electrical signals.  He then said he sees something "abnormal" on almost every EKG for someone over 40.  He said not too worry.  OY!

 

Now onto my GI...didn't do too much checking but said he would recommend Prilosec.  I told him my aversion to meds and he said just do a 14 day cycle.  I will do that.  Hope it helps.

 

In spite of him not being too reassuring I feel pretty good and have felt good the last two days(minus stomach stuff). No DR,headache, pressure, numbness, nerve pain, or anything else my body usually throws at me.     

 

Oh...when he checked my BP at the end of the visit it was 130/85!

[[Lo...]]

hello all...I am in a bit of a window in spite of my Dr. visit this am.  I twas a different Dr. than usual.  I went for my GI distress as I want to make sure it is in check.  I understand my recovery is causing some of this but I also don't want my esophagus getting ruined while waiting to heal.  I mention my benzo situation and he sounds knowledgeable.  he says he never puts anyone on them for longer than 2 weeks as they are so hard to quit. 

 

He checks my blood pressure and asks if I am on BP medicine.  I tell him no but it usually excellent and I am sure benzos have something to do with it being high.  It was 150/90.  He says he would have me on BP meds but  told him I am not doing anything like that until another year out unless it skyrockets.  I also tell him to check it at the end of my appt. too. 

 

He looks at my EKG I brought in for my records from the ER.  He says "this looks normal for someone who had a heart attack"  I said "what?"  He said "I thought you had a heart attack"  I explain that I came here for reassurance and he isn't helping.  I used the Mrs. plan of attack explaining my health fears and  my need for reassurance.  He then said that the EKG is abnormal but everything else came back fine like the electrical signals.  He then said he sees something "abnormal" on almost every EKG for someone over 40.  He said not too worry.  OY!

 

Now onto my GI...didn't do too much checking but said he would recommend Prilosec.  I told him my aversion to meds and he said just do a 14 day cycle.  I will do that.  Hope it helps.

 

In spite of him not being too reassuring I feel pretty good and have felt good the last two days(minus stomach stuff). No DR,headache, pressure, numbness, nerve pain, or anything else my body usually throws at me.     

 

Oh...when he checked my BP at the end of the visit it was 130/85!

 

Good stuff Drew. My heart rate was high when I visted my neurologist today but by the end of the appt it was normal...just normal anxiety. So glad you're in a window my friend! Praying the Prilosec works for you too!