6-12 month thread....

[[Co...]]

Green...so sorry you are fatigued and wavy. I think you are exactly right...it doesn't matter much what we do or don't do....it is what is is....until it isn't. ...I think we should do what ' feels ' right in the given moment ...and take care of the loudest s/x without trying to figure out too much what the consequences might be. I think this process just IS......I am having some pretty good days but still only pushing myself carefully. I can do one or two ventures in a week...and that has only Bern in the last two weeks.

.....I will say that I did tweak my nutrition to include an antiinflammatory hoopty- doo green smoothie ...and I was already doing no processed food ( within reason...I am not baking my own bread lol)...as much organic ad I can afford ( which is only the basics). I usually make a huge chilli or soup or cassarole and eat it most of the week ( but I am the only one in my house).....Will your kids help with the grocery shopping on wavy days...my daughter shops for Mr sometimes or just goes with me and its a huge help.

.....Green ..tout bee thread is so good...it is a little " lonely " right now...but people are really coming on. I will probably be active on both as well. I also need the comfort of this thread....wishing you rest and sunbreaks.....cooper....

[[...]]

Green, I don't think pushing yourself hard will help and may hurt! I think that we can push through some things, but we just have to heal!

 

Sorry you aren't feeling well right now!!

 

[[Sk...]]

Green be careful, these are delicate days, we must be cautious.  The rules of the game seem to be changing once again.

 

I am in hell, now. I was feeling really bad earlier, my heart was out of control. So I turned the computer off. I ended up helping out with the making of some handmade pasta and it helped with the palps, they calmed down. Must have been working with flour, that is so soothing. Now, my vibrations are very strong but at least my heart is not racing so I am as happy as can be, given the situation.

 

I am going now, if I don't come back, have a nicer evening.

[[No...]]

Green ... you got it in one ... stress ... the nemesis of this recovery process ... and I agree ... it doesn't much matter what we do ... so I only do what feels okay in the moment ... everything else will get done in its own time ...

 

"Proactive" ... I would rather substitute "soothing" ... I think "proactive" is something they put in yogurt ... and I don't like yogurt ... so I don't do "proactive" ... 

 

This will pass ...

 

[[Sk...]]

OK, last update. My heart is really bad, I am rather terrified.

 

After dinner, we went out for a walk, hoping it would calm my heart down. Did not really work. It was funny, the two of us, taking a walk after all this awful rain, to calm my heart.

 

When things get bad, like with my nosebleed, i start giving deathbed instructions to mr Sky,  like what to do with my comic strips and what to tell the doctors at ER.

 

I am going to bed earlier, this too shall pass. Heal away and be kind to yourselves.

[[dr...]]

sky...do you have a low dose of beta blockers for a situation like this?  I hate mentioning meds but some times they are warranted for short term relief.  Healing thoughts. 

[[...]]

Hope you feel better Sky!! So sorry you are having these issues!

 

[[dr...]]

With my friends suffering I'm hesitant to post when I feel good but it might be good for some others to hear good stuff to weigh against the mostly bad....It's 3pm and I have had an effortless mind and body day.  Oh..I had some pains but none of it even bothered me.  I was super productive at work today, enjoyed lunch with a friend(I never do lunches since they cause so much anxiety), and did some spin biking.  My friend who is my biggest supporter in this state said she could see a huge difference and liked me better this way.  I just got hit with a bit of fatigue and my brain pushed some anxiety this way but it doesn't matter.  I did a lot so i am tired.  I have been non stop since 6;30 this am and I didn't yawn once til now!  Happy....very happy

[[...]]

Awesome, awesome, awesome!! I love hearing this Drew!!!

 

[[pe...]]

I started a thread, and it's too lonely over there, I'm in the 12-14 month wave, and I need my comfort zone, lol.

 

I keep wondering if the fatigue we get is real adrenal fatigue.  I keep wondering how much of a difference it would make to change to the adrenal diet.  Then I get exhausted and upset, because I can barely handle shopping for and cooking a simple meal at night.  Really, I'm not so far off from ordering take-out.  I have "frozen" issues, issues where I can't do too much in a day, so if I went bike riding, did some other errands, then I've had it, I'm done for the night.  Then I wonder if I should "toughen up" on sleep hygiene, instead of sleeping wherever and whenever I can.  When I pushed myself into bed by 11, I was getting severe vibrations and RLS in the dark.

 

I'm ranting and venting, I'm sorry, I usually don't do this.  I feel really awful in this wave, and I'm wondering if I should be more proactive, "sterner," instead of babying myself, being really gentle.  If I thought it would work, I would, but my deep down belief is it takes time and it doesn't much matter what we do, we will heal when we heal.  The only thing I think that makes a difference is stress -- I think stress is a killer, that it hurts us, it sabotages our healing.

 

So I'm finally off the couch, dizzy, tired, nauseous, very fatigued.  This is the aftereffect of the glutamate surge wave, I'm crashing.  Hope it doesn't last too long, that's always the fear, that it's not going away.

 

Again, sorry, I should be doing this on the new thread, but it was too lonely over there!

Feel good everybody.

 

Green-

I hope you're feeling better and I hope you'll keep posting here. It's like moving to a new neighborhood; it takes time to meet the new neighbors and your old ones miss you when you're gone.

I don't think you need to be hard on yourself. I don't think that's going to help. I work because if I stayed home, I would pick the scab all day long. It would not be pretty. As hard as it is to go to work somedays, I admire those of you who are at home each day tending to yourselves and the process of recovery. Either way, it will get better. 

[[pe...]]

Oh Sky! I'm so sorry about the heart palps. It sounds just scary as all get out. I hope rest comes easily and that you wake up to a calm heart.

[[pe...]]

With my friends suffering I'm hesitant to post when I feel good but it might be good for some others to hear good stuff to weigh against the mostly bad....It's 3pm and I have had an effortless mind and body day.  Oh..I had some pains but none of it even bothered me.  I was super productive at work today, enjoyed lunch with a friend(I never do lunches since they cause so much anxiety), and did some spin biking.  My friend who is my biggest supporter in this state said she could see a huge difference and liked me better this way.  I just got hit with a bit of fatigue and my brain pushed some anxiety this way but it doesn't matter.  I did a lot so i am tired.  I have been non stop since 6;30 this am and I didn't yawn once til now!  Happy....very happy

 

Drew! That's great news. I'm so glad you had a happy effortless mind and body day. Here's to many more!

[[Co...]]

Sky...I agree with Drew...and I also went back on my low dose beta blocked last week because of palps. I had a terrible time with them in month 4 and was prescribed beta blocker.  They help a lot and if the dose is low they are easy to gradually come off of. You can even take some like propanolol on an 'as needed ' basis. It doesn't mean you will be on them indefinitely.

.....I sm sorry you are getting hit with palps,  they are miserable and we all get health fear when our physical s/x are scary. ...I am wishing you rest and relief from the palps. ...coop

[[Co...]]

Drew ...please ...keep telling us about your good days,  it helps us stay hopeful and encouraged. ...and I am so happy for you...you are sounding wonderful....yay! yo you...coop

[[Gr...]]

Green...so sorry you are fatigued and wavy. I think you are exactly right...it doesn't matter much what we do or don't do....it is what is is....until it isn't. ...I think we should do what ' feels ' right in the given moment ...and take care of the loudest s/x without trying to figure out too much what the consequences might be. I think this process just IS......I am having some pretty good days but still only pushing myself carefully. I can do one or two ventures in a week...and that has only Bern in the last two weeks.

.....I will say that I did tweak my nutrition to include an antiinflammatory hoopty- doo green smoothie ...and I was already doing no processed food ( within reason...I am not baking my own bread lol)...as much organic ad I can afford ( which is only the basics). I usually make a huge chilli or soup or cassarole and eat it most of the week ( but I am the only one in my house).....Will your kids help with the grocery shopping on wavy days...my daughter shops for Mr sometimes or just goes with me and its a huge help.

.....Green ..tout bee thread is so good...it is a little " lonely " right now...but people are really coming on. I will probably be active on both as well. I also need the comfort of this thread....wishing you rest and sunbreaks.....cooper....

 

Coop, you are my comfort buddy, just reading your words is so soothing.  thank you so much.  It's later in the day, symptoms have calmed down.  The wave was bad, but my reaction was so over the top, I freaked, lost my mind, went bonkers with it.  Maybe it was the glutamate surge, I actually felt it slam me.  I knew I was thinking and talking (typing) crazy, but I was racing and couldn't calm down.

 

My boys have many good qualities, but not food shopping or cooking, lol.  I'll deal with a clean diet when I'm able to.  I don't think it's urgent right now.

 

Why don't I ever see the big waves coming?

[[Gr...]]

Green, I don't think pushing yourself hard will help and may hurt! I think that we can push through some things, but we just have to heal!

 

Sorry you aren't feeling well right now!!

 

 

Thank you, GMIT.  I know in my heart that taking it slow and easy is the best way to go.  I lost my mind today.  And I think each one of us knows instinctively what to do and what not to do.  I don't think I've ever been so in tune with my body in my entire life.  Thank you.

[[Gr...]]

Green be careful, these are delicate days, we must be cautious.  The rules of the game seem to be changing once again.

 

I am in hell, now. I was feeling really bad earlier, my heart was out of control. So I turned the computer off. I ended up helping out with the making of some handmade pasta and it helped with the palps, they calmed down. Must have been working with flour, that is so soothing. Now, my vibrations are very strong but at least my heart is not racing so I am as happy as can be, given the situation.

 

I am going now, if I don't come back, have a nicer evening.

 

Yes, Sky, the rules seem to have changed.  Yes, very careful, and I have to adjust, adapt very quickly.  Today my mind couldn't keep up...I was crazy, panting like a dog -- I'm laughing -- I was such a lunatic today, I traveled through the five climate zones of withdrawal.

 

Feel better, my friend.

 

You guys make handmade pasta?  That's livin'.

[[Gr...]]

Green ... you got it in one ... stress ... the nemesis of this recovery process ... and I agree ... it doesn't much matter what we do ... so I only do what feels okay in the moment ... everything else will get done in its own time ...

 

"Proactive" ... I would rather substitute "soothing" ... I think "proactive" is something they put in yogurt ... and I don't like yogurt ... so I don't do "proactive" ... 

 

This will pass ...

 

 

Proactive, that is a yogurt commercial, I think.  Stopped eating yogurt in withdrawal.  Nova, you have a dry and gentle sense of humor.  I'm very grateful to be laughing right now.

[[Gr...]]

OK, last update. My heart is really bad, I am rather terrified.

 

After dinner, we went out for a walk, hoping it would calm my heart down. Did not really work. It was funny, the two of us, taking a walk after all this awful rain, to calm my heart.

 

When things get bad, like with my nosebleed, i start giving deathbed instructions to mr Sky,  like what to do with my comic strips and what to tell the doctors at ER.

 

I am going to bed earlier, this too shall pass. Heal away and be kind to yourselves.

 

Sky, this is bad, it's all glutamate storm stuff.  I haven't had this kind of revving and cardiac crap since acute.  It's normal, though, HH had it 12-14, remember when she dropped her class?  Hang on, it's a shock, but there are breaks.

[[Gr...]]

Awesome, awesome, awesome!! I love hearing this Drew!!!

 

 

Drew, amazing.  Did you do a spinning session?  That is wonderful.  I can't wait to get back to that.

[[dr...]]

I went to the gym and benzo brain struck again.  :crazy:Wrong day for spin class.    did manage fifteen minutes on a bike without the class.  Boy...I'm out of shape.

[[Gr...]]

I started a thread, and it's too lonely over there, I'm in the 12-14 month wave, and I need my comfort zone, lol.

 

I keep wondering if the fatigue we get is real adrenal fatigue.  I keep wondering how much of a difference it would make to change to the adrenal diet.  Then I get exhausted and upset, because I can barely handle shopping for and cooking a simple meal at night.  Really, I'm not so far off from ordering take-out.  I have "frozen" issues, issues where I can't do too much in a day, so if I went bike riding, did some other errands, then I've had it, I'm done for the night.  Then I wonder if I should "toughen up" on sleep hygiene, instead of sleeping wherever and whenever I can.  When I pushed myself into bed by 11, I was getting severe vibrations and RLS in the dark.

 

I'm ranting and venting, I'm sorry, I usually don't do this.  I feel really awful in this wave, and I'm wondering if I should be more proactive, "sterner," instead of babying myself, being really gentle.  If I thought it would work, I would, but my deep down belief is it takes time and it doesn't much matter what we do, we will heal when we heal.  The only thing I think that makes a difference is stress -- I think stress is a killer, that it hurts us, it sabotages our healing.

 

So I'm finally off the couch, dizzy, tired, nauseous, very fatigued.  This is the aftereffect of the glutamate surge wave, I'm crashing.  Hope it doesn't last too long, that's always the fear, that it's not going away.

 

Again, sorry, I should be doing this on the new thread, but it was too lonely over there!

Feel good everybody.

 

Green-

I hope you're feeling better and I hope you'll keep posting here. It's like moving to a new neighborhood; it takes time to meet the new neighbors and your old ones miss you when you're gone.

I don't think you need to be hard on yourself. I don't think that's going to help. I work because if I stayed home, I would pick the scab all day long. It would not be pretty. As hard as it is to go to work somedays, I admire those of you who are at home each day tending to yourselves and the process of recovery. Either way, it will get better. 

 

Peace, you are my hero.  When you went back to work in September, I had no idea how you found the strength to get up, get out the door, and just do it.  And you did it, you made it.  I rooted for you, I prayed for you, and I worried.  But you did it.

 

No, I don't think working or not working affects recovery.  When I'm sane, I know that we recover no matter what, it's just time.  I think the fact you started a new job with intense DP/DR/cog fog, depression, et al., is a testament to the fact you're one of the strongest, gutsiest gals on the planet  

 

And I'll get on over to the new thread tomorrow.  Tonight I need to be here.

[[Gr...]]

I went to the gym and benzo brain struck again.  :crazy:Wrong day for spin class.    did manage fifteen minutes on a bike without the class.  Boy...I'm out of shape.

 

Not crazy,  exactly right.  Give it a try and see how you feel.  And 15 minutes is plenty to start with.  I went to the gym probably where you are, and I overdid it, which would be fine, except the extra revs gave me insomnia.  Or maybe I was scheduled for insomnia anyway.  You never know -- symptoms fly in your face, there's no way of knowing what caused them, if anything.

 

I think it's great you had a good day, and you felt well enough to get to the gym.  That's a huge accomplishment.  Back to the gym is big around here, lol.

[[mr...]]

Mrs here, checking in to say that today was pretty great. Handled the things of normal everyday "life" quite nicely, with a little energy to spare at the end of day Hooray! Coop, maybe you're finding this true as well -- after a wave of panic/fear/anxiety, I find a window with new heights to it sometime shortly after the wave. I'm almost beginning to "look forward" (not really, haha) to it when I feel a wave starting. Really, not really of course -- but I actually think I'm starting to view the waves as healing time, which makes it more easy to bear up under it patiently

 

Sky, hang in there pal You are 100% correct -- this too shall pass. Green, hang on also. This withdrawal thang is losing its grip with each passing day -- it has no choice! (Hooray!)

 

Love to you all, and sleep well

 

Mrs.

[[Gr...]]

Mrs here, checking in to say that today was pretty great. Handled the things of normal everyday "life" quite nicely, with a little energy to spare at the end of day Hooray! Coop, maybe you're finding this true as well -- after a wave of panic/fear/anxiety, I find a window with new heights to it sometime shortly after the wave. I'm almost beginning to "look forward" (not really, haha) to it when I feel a wave starting. Really, not really of course -- but I actually think I'm starting to view the waves as healing time, which makes it more easy to bear up under it patiently

 

Sky, hang in there pal You are 100% correct -- this too shall pass. Green, hang on also. This withdrawal thang is losing its grip with each passing day -- it has no choice! (Hooray!)

 

Love to you all, and sleep well

 

Mrs.

 

Glad you're getting some window time, Mrs.  And, yes, it's losing its grip, I know it is.