6-12 month thread....

[[No...]]

Green ... isn't breathing and going through recovery at the same time multitasking? ... as Mrs says ... we is the champs of multitasking ... I double dog dare any of those drive your car, talk on your cell phone, eat lunch, and do your toenails simultaneously folks to take us on ... we'd leave 'em in our dust ...

 

Seriously, most of us did spend some time with no brain power ... kinda cool to have some of it back ...

[[Sk...]]

Green ... I have 38 synapses left ... counted them the other day ... and the cool thing is they re-charge overnight sometimes ... today I am working with 26 ... the other 12 are resting ...

 

 

Nova!  I'm laughing out loud.  I'm also having major health concerns re my own synapse count.  I know I'm walking around all day missing synapses, cylinders, whatever.  Thank God I don't need to be smart right now.

 

You know, I was reading that during w/d it's almost impossible to multitask.  (I'm sitting here wondering what multitasking is, lol.)

 

If its the ability to walk, breathe, talk, work, etc AND feel symptoms all at the same time, well my friends I'd say we've MASTERED the art of multitasking!!

 

Mrs.

 

Don't you go throwing synapses at me like that ! 

 

Sometimes I can barely spell my name let alone multitask, or count my synapsis ! I lie not, I am counting with my fingers most of the time, anything higher than four...

[[No...]]

Sky ... I figured out how to count to 12 ... take one shoe off ... four fingers and one thumb plus four fingers and one thumb plus two toes makes 12 ... or at least it did on Monday ...

 

Hang on, Sky ... we are getting better ... even when the synapses are out to lunch ...

 

[[Gr...]]

Green ... isn't breathing and going through recovery at the same time multitasking? ... as Mrs says ... we is the champs of multitasking ... I double dog dare any of those drive your car, talk on your cell phone, eat lunch, and do your toenails simultaneously folks to take us on ... we'd leave 'em in our dust ...

 

Seriously, most of us did spend some time with no brain power ... kinda cool to have some of it back ...

 

You're right, Nova, Mrs., absolutely right.  The fact we task at all given what's going on in our heads is a miracle.

 

You know, I move at a snail's pace in withdrawal, I do one tiny little thing on my enormous to do list whenever I can.  And I look around someties and realize all the tiny little things add up, and I've accomplished quite a bit.

[[Sk...]]

I am going to get ready for bed with all my little good luck rituals.

 

I intended to do some ranting and raving but by the time I got to the computer and to the thread, I had pretty much forgotten what I wanted to rant and rave about !

 

Thinking about Coop, marching with her candies to school. How great is that ?

 

GMIT, sorry today was rough, you always have a smile on your face.

  HAng in there, and vent, vent, vent. If it's on the thread it is not in your head, think of it this way. IT ALMOST RHyMES, too !

 

Ok, off to bed now, take care everybody.

 

We are healing, slowly but steadily.

 

 

[[Co...]]

Jenny....I am all in with the 12-18 month club. There is a thread for 12-18 months on this board but it is pretty inactive. I was thinking about that this morning. Maybe a One Year and Shining Light On the Path for Thoswe Following.  a positive and support thread emphasizing improvements and pre- entry focus of the second year.. .just a thought.

......Thank you for the support of my big adventure with pre- entry today. It went VERY well...started with head pressure and moderate anxiety.  Came home in a 95% window...go figure. I will take it..  but holding my breath waiting for ' the other shoe to drop '... 

........I was encouragewd to read that your head pressure has been gone for a few weeks. I have not had more than a random day long let up from it for 5 months. I wake up 9 mornings out of 10 with 'rushing ' and pulsing in my ears and mild to moderate headache and usually head pressure. Sometimes getting up will cause it to go away. Sometimes it goes away and then comes back. Minnie had it straight for 7.5 months to have it let up completely so I am trying to stay hopeful. ......stay strong Jenny we are winning the war even though some battles have been lost.....coop

[[No...]]

Green ... you betcha' ... it all adds up ...

 

Started working with my rug stuff this weekend ... have not been able to work with it for a very long time, maybe four years or so ... cutting yarn, following a pattern, designing a pattern ... lots of hand eye stuff ... and I am finding I can work with this stuff again ... real slow ... another good sign ...

 

There are still moments I feel a little off working with it ... feels like my brain is sliding a bit ... or both eyes aren't quite in sync ... and repetitious hand movement doesn't always work ... part of my post-retirement rehab  is to work this "hobby" back into my life ... I believe we absolutely need some creativity back in our lives ... a big part of "normalizing" ... and getting some of our good stuff back ...

[[No...]]

Coop ... glad to hear you had a good "outing" ... keep truckin' ... we are getting there ...

[[je...]]

Coop, iam thrilled to hear you had a good day! This is very encouraging to me, I'm so happy for you. Coop, if you want to start the thread, I will be happy. If you want to have a break I will start it( if no one else wants to). I really feel like I need some encouragment from those ahead of me. Jenny

[[mr...]]

Green ... I have 38 synapses left ... counted them the other day ... and the cool thing is they re-charge overnight sometimes ... today I am working with 26 ... the other 12 are resting ...

 

 

Nova!  I'm laughing out loud.  I'm also having major health concerns re my own synapse count.  I know I'm walking around all day missing synapses, cylinders, whatever.  Thank God I don't need to be smart right now.

 

You know, I was reading that during w/d it's almost impossible to multitask.  (I'm sitting here wondering what multitasking is, lol.)

 

If its the ability to walk, breathe, talk, work, etc AND feel symptoms all at the same time, well my friends I'd say we've MASTERED the art of multitasking!!

 

Mrs.

 

Don't you go throwing synapses at me like that ! 

 

Sometimes I can barely spell my name let alone multitask, or count my synapsis ! I lie not, I am counting with my fingers most of the time, anything higher than four...

 

I can see it now, haha!!: "one, two, three...wait, hold on...one, two,..." 

 

Mrs.

[[Co...]]

Jenny...I would love it you started the thread. I see myself straddling both groups. It is a great idea... and needed. ....coop

[[Co...]]

Thanks buddies! .....Your strong thoughts...they were well received and much needed. I had a wonderful time with a room full of 4 th graders. I only stayed 2 hours because I just didn't know how it was going to go. It was a little ' iffy ' at first with some brain buzzing and moderate anxiety because of the brain buzzing and head pressure.  but it lifted!.... and it ended up being nothing but fun fun fun. AND...it morphed into a 95% window. I came home happy, clear headed and with energy left over. 

.  ...This is such s crap shoot. I can't help but hold my breath waiting for it to close.  I always feel like its Christmas when I am in a window and want to stay awake and up as long as possible because I know it will end. ...I do need to quawlify my good day going back to school by confessing that I did take 6 mg of propanolol and one excedrin...but I certainly do not regret it. Wish I could just stay in this wonderful little sun spot ...

.......Hope everyone is having a decent evening....trying to gather up as many synapses as possible before they burn out.  kind of like trying to cat h lightening bugs. ...now you have 'em ...now you don't.......coop

[[mr...]]

Thanks buddies! .....Your strong thoughts...they were well received and much needed. I had a wonderful time with a room full of 4 th graders. I only stayed 2 hours because I just didn't know how it was going to go. It was a little ' iffy ' at first with some brain buzzing and moderate anxiety because of the brain buzzing and head pressure.  but it lifted!.... and it ended up being nothing but fun fun fun. AND...it morphed into a 95% window. I came home happy, clear headed and with energy left over. 

.  ...This is such s crap shoot. I can't help but hold my breath waiting for it to close.  I always feel like its Christmas when I am in a window and want to stay awake and up as long as possible because I know it will end. ...I do need to quawlify my good day going back to school by confessing that I did take 6 mg of propanolol and one excedrin...but I certainly do not regret it. Wish I could just stay in this wonderful little sun spot ...

.......Hope everyone is having a decent evening....trying to gather up as many synapses as possible before they burn out.  kind of like trying to cat h lightening bugs. ...now you have 'em ...now you don't.......coop

 

Aww, yey Coop!! So glad to hear it went well

 

I find lots of windows morph after I do something I'm proud of (like facing a fear, etc), lol Not sure why that is, but I'll take it! Love to you friend,

 

Mrs.

[[pe...]]

Coop- I'm glad your trip to the classroom was a bright spot. I think classrooms full of children and life can certainly be uplifting and energizing. I hope this window stays with you.

[[pe...]]

Sky- Amazingly well done - always honest and often with good humor - you've finished a whole year! Congratulations! Hoping the next year is infinitely better.

[[dr...]]

Coop-great job and you don't have to "qualify" it. You didn't take a benzo   I find when I make it through something I'm worried about it can start a window.  It happens with me performing all the time.

[[Gr...]]

I am going to get ready for bed with all my little good luck rituals.

 

I intended to do some ranting and raving but by the time I got to the computer and to the thread, I had pretty much forgotten what I wanted to rant and rave about !

 

Thinking about Coop, marching with her candies to school. How great is that ?

 

GMIT, sorry today was rough, you always have a smile on your face.

  HAng in there, and vent, vent, vent. If it's on the thread it is not in your head, think of it this way. IT ALMOST RHyMES, too !

 

Ok, off to bed now, take care everybody.

 

We are healing, slowly but steadily.

 

 

G'night, Sky.  I'm loving that ticker, little snail, 12 months off benzos. 

[[Gr...]]

Jenny....I am all in with the 12-18 month club. There is a thread for 12-18 months on this board but it is pretty inactive. I was thinking about that this morning. Maybe a One Year and Shining Light On the Path for Thoswe Following.  a positive and support thread emphasizing improvements and pre- entry focus of the second year.. .just a thought.

......Thank you for the support of my big adventure with pre- entry today. It went VERY well...started with head pressure and moderate anxiety.  Came home in a 95% window...go figure. I will take it..  but holding my breath waiting for ' the other shoe to drop '... 

........I was encouragewd to read that your head pressure has been gone for a few weeks. I have not had more than a random day long let up from it for 5 months. I wake up 9 mornings out of 10 with 'rushing ' and pulsing in my ears and mild to moderate headache and usually head pressure. Sometimes getting up will cause it to go away. Sometimes it goes away and then comes back. Minnie had it straight for 7.5 months to have it let up completely so I am trying to stay hopeful. ......stay strong Jenny we are winning the war even though some battles have been lost.....coop

 

Coop, I'm so glad the day with the kids went well.  Reentry takes grit, it's hard.

 

I think the kind of thread you describe sounds great, positive, improvements, reentry.  I've been on benzos so long, I think I got used to living medicated.  Maybe it's not just withdrawal, for the long time users, maybe we need to get used to functioning un-medicated.  Just a thought.  the 12-18 sounds good.

[[Gr...]]

Green ... you betcha' ... it all adds up ...

 

Started working with my rug stuff this weekend ... have not been able to work with it for a very long time, maybe four years or so ... cutting yarn, following a pattern, designing a pattern ... lots of hand eye stuff ... and I am finding I can work with this stuff again ... real slow ... another good sign ...

 

There are still moments I feel a little off working with it ... feels like my brain is sliding a bit ... or both eyes aren't quite in sync ... and repetitious hand movement doesn't always work ... part of my post-retirement rehab  is to work this "hobby" back into my life ... I believe we absolutely need some creativity back in our lives ... a big part of "normalizing" ... and getting some of our good stuff back ...

 

Nova, I think that's wonderful, really creative.  The brain slide, eyes, hand movement, it will all come back.  It's like doing physical therapy, rehab, our brains and bodies are stiff and clumsy, a little, but it will come back.  This is very encouraging to hear.  You've been a trailblazer. 

 

How big is the rug?

[[pe...]]

Jenny and Coop- A new 12-18 month thread would be great. To hear from those ahead would be very helpful, a big dose of hope. It seems like Healing Hope is a bit ahead and despite waves here and there is doing pretty well. Maybe we'll get an update from her soon.

 

 

[[No...]]

Green ... thanks for "rehab" ... gonna shift my head a little ... putting two together ... "rehab / re-entry" ...

 

For me, and maybe others, who were long time users, this idea of the necessity of some "rehab" is coming into focus this past week since my "retirement" ...

 

For me, there was a long, gradual physical decline, especially during the last years of my using ... mental, physical and emotional ... very much an awareness of atrophy and disintegration going on ... a feeling of things just slipping away ... the sense that my "story" was ending ...

 

Then along came the "lifeline" of Whitaker's book ... and a spark got lit ... maybe this is all about the drug ... and it took maybe a year for a "plan" to emerge ... my "resources" had dwindled ... my "trust" was at a very low ebb ... trusting myself anymore and trusting those around me who should have had "eyes to see" ...

 

And I chose to accept this path of recovery ... a last resort ... and some three more years have passed ...

 

That is the meaning, for me, of my phrase ... "this marvelous gift we have given ourselves" ...

 

And we have all done this ... our courage ... our commitment ... our steadfastness ... each of us, within the container of our own lives and our communities, are a "success" ... we are showing ourselves ... each other ... our families ... and our communities ... there is "life" after the drug(s) ... real life ... boundless life ... precious life ...

 

We are not "done" with this yet ... certainly ... and each of us are approaching a new "Spring" after a sometimes very long "Winter" of recovery ... we are getting close ... I can smell the daffodils ...

 

Sorry ... got long-winded, again ... more on my "rehab" later ...

 

Have a good Thursday ...

[[Sk...]]

Green ... you betcha' ... it all adds up ...

 

Started working with my rug stuff this weekend ... have not been able to work with it for a very long time, maybe four years or so ... cutting yarn, following a pattern, designing a pattern ... lots of hand eye stuff ... and I am finding I can work with this stuff again ... real slow ... another good sign ...

 

There are still moments I feel a little off working with it ... feels like my brain is sliding a bit ... or both eyes aren't quite in sync ... and repetitious hand movement doesn't always work ... part of my post-retirement rehab  is to work this "hobby" back into my life ... I believe we absolutely need some creativity back in our lives ... a big part of "normalizing" ... and getting some of our good stuff back ...

 

Nova, I couldn't agree more.

 

Benzos, thoughts of having reached " adulthood " had encouraged me to put any creativity on the backburner for my pressing, "adult" issues. After taking benzos, this must have been the stupidest thing I did. From the backburner, my creativity ended up disappearing until I had no memory of it.

 

Two years ago, an acquaintance asked me what hobbies I had and I did not know what to answer ! That was the first warning that something was really wrong.

Now, that I have my hobbies back, plus so many new interests,  I intend to pursue my creativity with hammer and thongs. It has the same importance that going to the gym might have, it is healthy for my brain and makes me happy, who cares about the results !

 

 

Jenny...I would love it you started the thread. I see myself straddling both groups. It is a great idea... and needed. ....coop

I struggle to follow one thread, so I do see myself definitely not straddling two groups but moving on to the next one. Please, let me know how this goes.

 

Coop, so glad you forced yourself into a window ! I see more of this happening in the future. 

 

Today, I am back in my wavy state.  I am vibrating badly. It' s so odd. On the day off that I get, I am so scared, I am with bated breath waiting, not daring to do anything, in disbelief. Then, by the end of the day, when I am comfortable with not suffering so much,  I start to think of what I could have done. The next day, the wave is back and I am in shock all over again ! !

 

Ok, that is it for now, please hang in there and let's see what this day has in store for us. 

 

[[No...]]

Hi Again ...

 

"Rehab" ... mental vigour pretty good, although not yet untangled from recovery ... physical vigour ... not anywhere near where I "want" to be ...

 

So that is in process now ... weight loss is a big task for me over the next months ... and I will use my "tortoise" approach which works very well for me ... two hours a day walking ... one in morning, one in afternoon ... and I have my winter weather track set up inside our building ... stairs and hallways ... and I certainly have enough clothes to walk outside when the weather allows ... so, just do it ... one day at a time ... this benzo process has given me the trust to know what works for me ...

 

Rugs ... have not worked on a rug for a very long time ... still have one on my rug table that I started some five years ago ... and yarn on shelves all over my room ... I left it all out so I could remember ... hoping one day to get back to this work ... and I am slowly coming back ... still a little difficult because of the hand/eye/brain process that is required ... and things are getting better ... no longer getting dizzy and boaty winding and cutting a stick of yarn ... most of the time ...

 

I do the rug stuff from "scratch" ... design my own patterns, cut my own wool yarn, and do the hooking ... takes a very long time to "finish" something ... and the "energy" is in the doing ... meditation with a latch-hook ... while listening to my audiobook stories ...

 

So that is my Fall / Winter "plan" ... slow and easy ...

 

And I am getting my sourdough starter going again ... the food process is important to me ... looking after it is part of my responsibility to this household ... and I am pretty good at it when I can stay present ...

 

With retirement and the return of intermittent stability things will move along over the next months ... looking forward to Spring ... and will enjoy the process of living through this Fall and Winter ...

 

My "centre" is holding more and more lately ... beginning to lose the "claustrophobia" of the past three years ... expansion is on the breeze ... feeling much more comfortable on the "out breath" ... it has been a long time breathing in and holding it ... the rhythm is peaking out around the edges ...

 

Take Care

[[No...]]

Well ...went for walk ... now these anxiety and boaty rushes are back again ... guess Thursday will be a hang on and go slow day ... 

[[He...]]

Good morning Everyone!

 

My window is holding open and I have been feeling good for 2+ weeks now!  This window has even held through a significant head cold.  I have had some brief moments where it has felt like it may be closing, but then those moments go away and I continue to feel good.  My sleep is great and I am even waking up without that dreaded morning anxiety.  It's wonderful to be able to get up, feel at peace, and drink my coffee (still decaf) while getting ready for work....such a huge change from those mornings when I'd be gagging with brushing my teeth because my anxiety was so crazy high!!  I'm starting to feel NORMAL again most of the time.

 

I spent last night at my daughter's volleyball game with ZERO anxiety.  This was a sub-regional state play-off game that would have ended their season if they lost, and I simply enjoyed it.  They got the win and so tomorrow we will be traveling to a school that is 8 hours away for the next big game.  I have a HUGE list to get done before we leave for the overnight trip, and I feel like (hoping!) I'll be able to do what needs to be done without much issue.

 

Don't lose hope.  It gets much better ahead!