[mr...] Posted October 29, 2014 Share Posted October 29, 2014 Jenny- I'm just here, in this perpetual loop of symptoms. Things are better than they were, but far from easy. I am painfully short on patience and beyond reasonably irritated. I just can't calm my jets and want to bark at everyone, especially my children who seem to have grown more entitled and needy in my 'absence'. Bottom line is I'm exhausted and still recovering and living largely out of sync with those realities. Blah. But the beat goes on. I only hope my short temper is teaching them some limits and that I'm a person too and when you ask me for the fourth time if you can eat your little brother's applesauce (the applesauce he's currently enjoying) the answer is still no! Me in a nutshell, Peace2 **help, help, I'm in a nutshell...** ^^^^me, in a nutshell. :laugh: Sorry; couldn't resist!! (Austin Powers, anyone? No? ) Mrs. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
[pe...] Posted October 29, 2014 Share Posted October 29, 2014 Jenny- I'm just here, in this perpetual loop of symptoms. Things are better than they were, but far from easy. I am painfully short on patience and beyond reasonably irritated. I just can't calm my jets and want to bark at everyone, especially my children who seem to have grown more entitled and needy in my 'absence'. Bottom line is I'm exhausted and still recovering and living largely out of sync with those realities. Blah. But the beat goes on. I only hope my short temper is teaching them some limits and that I'm a person too and when you ask me for the fourth time if you can eat your little brother's applesauce (the applesauce he's currently enjoying) the answer is still no! Me in a nutshell, Peace2 **help, help, I'm in a nutshell...** ^^^^me, in a nutshell. :laugh: Sorry; couldn't resist!! (Austin Powers, anyone? No? ) Mrs. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
[pe...] Posted October 29, 2014 Share Posted October 29, 2014 It's also not lost on me that nutshell can be broken into the words nuts and hell. This experience is both. I will be more careful in choosing my words... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
[Gr...] Posted October 29, 2014 Share Posted October 29, 2014 HAPPY 1 YEAR ANNIVERSARY, SKY!! I wanted to get you a cake or flowers, but this is better. http://media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/236x/fd/dd/6b/fddd6be4d2f39ec89a061dfd2397d973.jpg Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
[Gr...] Posted October 29, 2014 Share Posted October 29, 2014 HAPPY ANNIVERSARY SKY!! Now that I know how to do this I'm out of control, lol!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
[Gr...] Posted October 29, 2014 Share Posted October 29, 2014 Jeez Green!...We are the Bobsy Twins....what a relief to hear that yet again we are within days of the same wave pattern...although you know I would so much rather that you logging huge wide open windowsw every night. The nausea was so much woryse than what I usually get. Sounds like the same for you...damn damn damn...Yes, I think we are all fighting our way through waves to get over the one year mark. You are right...this wave will pass for all of us who are wavy and we will pick up our much improved baselines again. It is so scary, but some day this really is going to be over. ...Feel better I am thinking of you too...I hope you get some sleep...here 's to a better day tomorrow dear friend.....coop Coop, no, the nausea was possibly the worst it's been, without throwing up. But I could feel it was the boaty/balance/vertigo kind, as opposed to GI stuff. And the fatigue is so crushing -- I keep thinking of Jenny, when she had it, and I did that rah-rah, don't worry, this, too, shall pass thing, and now I've got it and I'm more than a little taken aback, how bad it is. and cog fog, weird thoughts, pretty heavy on and off. Coop, I'm sorry you're having this wave, but I must admit I'm very relieved to have company, lol. In spite of repeatedly giving myself the two year plan, I'm a little rattled at this one year mark. I know I'm rattled when I start searching the site, looking for symptoms, when did this one heal, what kind of waves did he/she have. Oh, well, back to basics, chop wood, carry water, Sorry you are feeling bad GreenIce :-( I love that phrase, chop wood carry water. That's all we can do. I'm in the boaty/balance boat too still but I'm behind you. I wish we all knew when this would pass once and for all. Take care...all of you. Glad we have each other. Thanks so much, LM, I really appreciate the support. I get horrified when I think how this would have ended if I had to do it alone, without you guys. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
[Gr...] Posted October 29, 2014 Share Posted October 29, 2014 Nova and Green...hold tight buddies...I could have written both of your posts. Exact same thing for me on Sat. ..Jarring nausea, dizziness, brain buzzing, intrusive weird thoughts, elevated b/p, health fears and sick sick sick, bad head pressure. It hung on for Sun but a little less intense. Monday was better but I was still fatigued. Today I can feel my baseline returning to where it was ( 80-85%). ... Green, it really rattled me too. ( note the absolute desolate post I wrote yesterday...I 'm sure I scared everyone). .. I am really relieved to hear that the same s/x are making their punishing visitations. ...although I am so sorry that you and Nova are getting hit. I wish it wasn't so. .. Hopefully you are both going to start feeling better by tomorrow. ...Green...me too, it really scared me to feel that bad after 2 days of windows and sunbreaks..I cried half the day. It also gave me a bout of absolute insomnia which I haven't had really since month 4 and a littlew in month 6. I slept good last night but I confess to taking an excedrin for body pain. ... Me too...combing through the threads and posts comparing s/x of buddies at the one year mark. ..Reading success stories ( most are talking success from the 14-18 month mark). ....Also lost my ' acceptance ' of the 24 month time frame. Today ( day 4 of this wave with good improvement after 3 tough days...day one was the worst). . .. ...Nova I hear ya with the health fears.. they are front and center for me in waves. In this wave my b/p spiked around.. caused anxiety. spiked around some more...more anxiety...well I 'm sure you get the picture. Unfortunately. Today it is coming into line. I had to take low dose propanolol for a few days.... ......Feel better dear friends...sending love and wishes for relief and peace....coop COOP AND NOVA, I am so grateful for your support. If we're all going through the same thing at the same time, it has to be normal? It does, doesn't it? And Sky is right there with us. Her 1 year is tomorrow, I'm 11/15, and Coop, you're 12/3? And Nova just passed. Three countries, Italy, Canada, US east and west coast. And we all have the same wave at approx. the same time off. It has to be normal healing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
[Gr...] Posted October 29, 2014 Share Posted October 29, 2014 SOrry, just a quick update. I am in hell, this is my most brutal period, I do not want to be too graphic though ! It is odd to go from 6 years of not having a period to ... this ! And the ladies know how it affects wd. It affects every single simptom. I hope tomorrow will be better, it must be, how can it be any worse ? Reading, more like skimming, other posts I can 't help wondering if I may not actually be lucky to not be having windows, at least I skip having my heart broken when they close. So sorry for those whose windows have closed but they will open again, you know that. NOw, if you don't mind, I am going to do some serious feeling sorry for myself !! I will have an early night, I need my beauty sleep for my anniversay tomorrow ! Good night, everybody hang in there ! Sky, I had a one day window last summer.. You've had some, haven't you? Although I do get days where symptoms are very light. What qualifies as a window, anyway? For me, I've been on benzos quite a few years, been through a tolerance, and now this lovely withdrawal experience. I have no idea what my real baseline is anymore. Something to think about. Get a good night's rest. Tomorrow is the big day! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
[Gr...] Posted October 29, 2014 Share Posted October 29, 2014 Hi Folks ... well go freakin' figure ... about two hours ago everything vanished ... maybe that goof adjusting the antenna went home for the day ... sitting here tired and mellow ... Hope you all have a decent evening ... Hi ... Who ... good to see a new face ... I am the world's cheapest drunk ... one bottle of beer and I start talking to fire hydrants ... most folks feel it may be best not to use alcohol while in recovery ... many say it can really stir the pot for a while ... take care ... Nova, same here. I had a morning from hell, on the couch, tears, severe fatigue, thought I was dying, the whole show. Then late afternoon I'm pretty good, I ride my bike, cook, not so bad. Re alcohol. I tried some beer somewhere along the way, and I will probably never drink again, the reaction was severe. Have a good night, Nova. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
[Gr...] Posted October 29, 2014 Share Posted October 29, 2014 Well it looks like a lot of you are struggling today, I was having a tough time yesterday, still rocky today but better. Iam in nerve pain hell and for those of you that have this horrific sx im sure you can relate. Also, last night my benzo belly came back with a vengeance! Its been barely noticeable for a few months but is now back and painful. I can relate to everything that has been posted today-- these waves seem a lot harder this far out. Hang tough everyone, Jenny Jenny, how has the fatigue been for you? Hoping you feel better. This is some crazy roller coaster. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
[Gr...] Posted October 29, 2014 Share Posted October 29, 2014 This is funny...sort of.,..I cxld my flu shot yesterday and todayim puking my guts out. Also very cold. Imagine if I got the shot how much I would be blaming it Drew, it might be something you ate, or something not w/d related. but I did have some puking early on, heavy gastritis symptoms. Hope you feel better. (I don't think I'm getting a flu shot either. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
[No...] Posted October 29, 2014 Share Posted October 29, 2014 Hi Green ... "normal" is a four letter word ... and we just go with it ... "building the new" ... And, I am getting rather fond of the image of some thingie tweaking my "settings" ... feels a little less "adversarial" ... and the "thingie" has gotten a few of the "settings" "just right" ... Some of the "confusion" may be because all of the "settings" are connected to each other ... very difficult job ... tweak number 18 and number 91 may go haywire for a bit ... we are a "work in progress" ... Never had even the smallest inkling what this drug "changed" in me ... finding out now ... Have a good Wednesday ... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
[No...] Posted October 29, 2014 Share Posted October 29, 2014 [move]SKY IS ONE YEAR NEW TODAY [/move] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
[No...] Posted October 29, 2014 Share Posted October 29, 2014 Good Morning Folks ... Got some sleep ... woke up feel "wonderful" ... then I moved ... Feel a little beat up after yesterday's cycling ... the ole bod got quite a workout on Tuesday ... This feeling of watching all my "parts" get engaged as I get up is kind of interesting ... and having this kind of "interest" is part of my coming out of the land of "numb" and not caring ... to a place where I am taking more "interest" ... I remember vividly not so long ago just wanting to be "numb" and "disconnected", actually wanting to stay "disassociated" figuring that was the best I could get out of this ... surprise Nova ... we can do a little better than "numb" ... Can't say I am "enjoying" all this "tinkering" ... more like just "accepting" it for now, knowing it is temporary, hoping it is temporary ... and wanting the "tinkerer" to just get on with it and get it over with ... Hope you all have a good Wednesday ... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
[...] Posted October 29, 2014 Share Posted October 29, 2014 Congrats Sky! You are awesome!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
[...] Posted October 29, 2014 Share Posted October 29, 2014 Anxiety seems to be better, now back to the blahs and the blues...and so I continue, slow and steady! Hope everyone finds relief today! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
[Sk...] Posted October 29, 2014 Share Posted October 29, 2014 [move]SKY IS ONE YEAR NEW TODAY [/move] THanks Nova, thanks GMIT ! May I just say that wd for the occasion, decided to remind me what this wd is all about ! In case I had forgotten ! I was hit by brutal anxiety, and have been having worse IBS. As Nova said, Never had even the smallest inkling what this drug "changed" in me ... finding out now ... and we have come a long way, haven't we ? YOu know, I feel like time has been both slow and fast, it is hard to explain. Where did the time go, right ? So many things have changed that only we and our loved ones know about. Who would have thought all this would have happened ? Many questions to which we are slowly figuring out some answers. A year ago I suffered from crippling insomnia. I suffered from many things but this is the one thing that really has changed radically, and I have worked so hard at it. I studied sleep hygiene very carefully and left no stone unturned. I know many buddies are still plagued by lack of sleep but I am telling you, if I got better, you can too ! This has been a lonely process for me but I have found some friends on the way in the most unexpected places and that gives me hope. Hope is one of the many victims I suffered in my benzo war. Benzos change you in ways that are beyond our imagination. They changed my health, and I started to believe what people said, it was age, I was delicate, la-di-da Another great quote from Nova : I remember vividly not so long ago just wanting to be "numb" and "disconnected", actually wanting to stay "disassociated" figuring that was the best I could get out of this ... surprise Nova ... we can do a little better than "numb" ... I never want to be disconnected again. Let's keep the healing going. Have a peaceful day everyone ! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
[je...] Posted October 29, 2014 Share Posted October 29, 2014 Sky!! Happy one year!!! We are all proud of you!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
[Lo...] Posted October 29, 2014 Share Posted October 29, 2014 [move]SKY IS ONE YEAR NEW TODAY [/move] THanks Nova, thanks GMIT ! May I just say that wd for the occasion, decided to remind me what this wd is all about ! In case I had forgotten ! I was hit by brutal anxiety, and have been having worse IBS. As Nova said, Never had even the smallest inkling what this drug "changed" in me ... finding out now ... and we have come a long way, haven't we ? YOu know, I feel like time has been both slow and fast, it is hard to explain. Where did the time go, right ? So many things have changed that only we and our loved ones know about. Who would have thought all this would have happened ? Many questions to which we are slowly figuring out some answers. A year ago I suffered from crippling insomnia. I suffered from many things but this is the one thing that really has changed radically, and I have worked so hard at it. I studied sleep hygiene very carefully and left no stone unturned. I know many buddies are still plagued by lack of sleep but I am telling you, if I got better, you can too ! This has been a lonely process for me but I have found some friends on the way in the most unexpected places and that gives me hope. Hope is one of the many victims I suffered in my benzo war. Benzos change you in ways that are beyond our imagination. They changed my health, and I started to believe what people said, it was age, I was delicate, la-di-da Another great quote from Nova : I remember vividly not so long ago just wanting to be "numb" and "disconnected", actually wanting to stay "disassociated" figuring that was the best I could get out of this ... surprise Nova ... we can do a little better than "numb" ... I never want to be disconnected again. Let's keep the healing going. Have a peaceful day everyone ! Happy 1 Year Off! http://davidantoine.net/blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/11/CAKE.jpg Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
[Gr...] Posted October 29, 2014 Share Posted October 29, 2014 [move]SKY IS ONE YEAR NEW TODAY [/move] Nova, you've been holding back! Brain all working now, is it? LOL. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
[wh...] Posted October 29, 2014 Share Posted October 29, 2014 Hi guys Trying to keep up with all the posts. Me and my guy have the cold/flu and that has been tough.....along with benzo stuff. Everyone here has been very up and down it sounds like....sorry guys.....me too. OMG only we can understand this crazy ride. Nova glad you are better and I love your posts and GMIT, Coop,.....others Sky....hold on and Congrats..... Everyone else here...have a good benzo day. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
[Gr...] Posted October 29, 2014 Share Posted October 29, 2014 Hi Green ... "normal" is a four letter word ... and we just go with it ... "building the new" ... And, I am getting rather fond of the image of some thingie tweaking my "settings" ... feels a little less "adversarial" ... and the "thingie" has gotten a few of the "settings" "just right" ... Some of the "confusion" may be because all of the "settings" are connected to each other ... very difficult job ... tweak number 18 and number 91 may go haywire for a bit ... we are a "work in progress" ... Never had even the smallest inkling what this drug "changed" in me ... finding out now ... Have a good Wednesday ... I can deal with tweaking my settings, as opposed to restoring to factory settings, which is kinda what acute felt like (chuckle) Have a good day. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
[Gr...] Posted October 29, 2014 Share Posted October 29, 2014 Anxiety seems to be better, now back to the blahs and the blues...and so I continue, slow and steady! Hope everyone finds relief today! GMIT, I remember that kind of cycling. It goes away like any other sx. Although it's extremely unsettling when you have it. Take heart. It passes Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
[wh...] Posted October 29, 2014 Share Posted October 29, 2014 Hi Green ... "normal" is a four letter word ... and we just go with it ... "building the new" ... And, I am getting rather fond of the image of some thingie tweaking my "settings" ... feels a little less "adversarial" ... and the "thingie" has gotten a few of the "settings" "just right" ... Some of the "confusion" may be because all of the "settings" are connected to each other ... very difficult job ... tweak number 18 and number 91 may go haywire for a bit ... we are a "work in progress" ... Never had even the smallest inkling what this drug "changed" in me ... finding out now ... Have a good Wednesday ... I can deal with tweaking my settings, as opposed to restoring to factory settings, which is kinda what acute felt like (chuckle) Have a good day. The reference to tweaking is great. Sure beats acute where there was not tweaking just enduring. For those less than 6 months in the utmost hell ...take heart ...it does get to a manageable state. I'm thankful for that at least today. Body pain; fear/dread; breathing anxiety; health anxiety....but not at the boiling point so much. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
[Co...] Posted October 29, 2014 Author Share Posted October 29, 2014 SKY. HAPPY HAPY ONE YEAR.. So so happy for you. You are on the home stretch. .You have come through this year with great bravery..grit...endurance...hope and acceptance. . Keep the heart light on, I am following. Love love to you .. coop Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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