6-12 month thread....

[[No...]]

Folks ... here is something I stumbled across a few days ago ... more serendipity ...

 

Bessel Van Der Kolk ... "The Body Keeps The Score" ... a book, an audiobook, and there are a couple of good lengthy videos on YouTube ...

 

His "body of work" examines "trauma" ... for me, very engaging stuff ... just putting this out there ... may be helpful for some folks ...

 

[[No...]]

Drew ... did not do any "carving" ... but did have an interesting conversation with two children regarding blue rabbits ... they told me if I was seeing blue rabbits it might help to get "my eyes checked" ... and their grandmother mentioned that a little bourbon in in the soft drinks always helped her with colour "issues" ...

 

And they were quite alright with "blue rabbits" ... so am I ...

 

 

 

[[mr...]]

Heya folks,

 

If you're out there, fighting the good fight of faith, and standing down your comfort zone on a daily/hourly basis, here's a great song for you to lean on for some strength

(Forgive the "Christian" undertones; the song has some great words of strength within it! I just listened to it again after some time, and I felt refreshed afterwards )

 

Voice Of Truth - Casting Crowns:

 

Love to you,

 

Mrs.

[[Ko...]]

Jenny,Coop,Nova,Sky & Beulah,

 

Thank you for your words of support.  It really does help to hear from those who have been there or are there and making it through.  I had a short lived reprieve yesterday which gave me enough strength to get through today, but alas the dreaded wave is back in full force.

 

Still waiting for a true window.

 

Best to you all,

 

Korbe

[[Sk...]]

Nova, it seems like you met some cool little fellows at the pumpkin carving !

 

I have a student who just retired, and from his stories, retirement  takes a lot of energy and time ! HE thought he would learn French with me to fill in the hours but he can barely make the time now !

 

Korbe, your pumpkin carving sounds awesome !

 

For me Halloween will always have special meaning, it was when I Ct, and when I was operated on so now, it means many things !! I hope to do a lot to celebrate next year !

 

Life, so great you stopped by !

 

Now, I am in hell. My period is about to begin, so my vibrations are in full swing and  the whole band is playing . I am trying to finish up my stuff for work asap so I can take the day off and not challenge myself any more than necessary. My brain is already off- duty so not much left to do is there ?

 

I am more sensitive, I am crying easily and that is a  sure sign of suffering.

I had a flashback from my hallucinations, and it made me cry. It was nothing bad, but still it made my eyes pour like a fountain. In this flashback, I saw my grandmother and my mother as a little girl, they were looking at me in bed.

 

The brain, in wd ,has reasons of his own that ignore the reasons of our hearts.

 

Now, I am going to bed to try to pretend I am reading . i hope I will not have to will myself to concentrate to read for much longer !

 

HAs anybody overcome the fear of being without our loved ones in the house ? I can take only short periods, but I can't stay in bed if mr Sky isn't there with me, I don't dare let myself sleep.

 

Have a nice day,

 

Sky

 

[[No...]]

Hi Folks ...

 

Sick today ... all my old acquaintances are dropping by for a visit ... yuk ...

 

Had a busy week last week and probably too much junk food yesterday ... had a walk this morning ... and things are just revving around ...

 

Quiet time, please ...

 

Let this latest burst run its course ...

 

Have a good Sunday, Folks ... I am going to sit near the kitchen and smell the roasting chicken ...

 

[[mr...]]

Sky, those irrational fears get so much better with time. As does all withdrawal symptoms, lol. Cling to those success stories that tell you about how they LOVE to be alone now, and didn't like it during withdrawal It is coming soon! I bet six months from now you'll be singing a different tune in that department

 

Happy Sunday to you all!! I'm selling a set of china dishes online and the sake ends today -- I'm kinda excited for how it'll end up!! I'll keep y'all posted -- not like its anything real important, lol But its something to talk about! Anyways, take care for now

 

Mrs.

[[...]]

Hi All! Busy day yesterday fishing, sounds like many others to!

 

I'm having some revving, maybe due to the meds from my endoscopy, even though there were no benzos used! It's the only thing different, that I can think of! So I'll ride it out, negative thoughts and all!

 

I hope everyone is getting relief!

 

[[Sk...]]

Sky, those irrational fears get so much better with time. As does all withdrawal symptoms, lol. Cling to those success stories that tell you about how they LOVE to be alone now, and didn't like it during withdrawal It is coming soon! I bet six months from now you'll be singing a different tune in that department

 

Happy Sunday to you all!! I'm selling a set of china dishes online and the sake ends today -- I'm kinda excited for how it'll end up!! I'll keep y'all posted -- not like its anything real important, lol But its something to talk about! Anyways, take care for now

 

Mrs.

 

Yes, of course, I realize this too, will go away. I just wonder if  any of the " older" buddies from the thread,  have gotten over this one fear, the fear of  being alone ?

 

GMIT, hang in there, it probably is just  the meds from your endoscopy. I am very sensitive to any medication these days so I imagine you are still quite sensitive too !

Despite this, you sound great but you always sound upbeat, come to think about it !

[[...]]

Thanks Sky! I'm trying hard to distract!

 

I hope you feel better!

 

[[Gr...]]

After almost 48 hours of no vibrations they have come back with a vengeance and it really bad. Everything else has started as well and my brain is shutting down, so  now I will try to go to bed hoping to wake up feeling better.

 

WHen I am worse, writing becomes incredibly hard, it is as if I had never seen a keyboard in my life .

 

Oh well, this too shall pass.

 

I am glad nobody is on the thread , I hope it means that you are feeling either better and are having a nice weekend ? Wishful thinking ? Hope not !

 

Nighty night, heal on !

]

 

Sky, mild to moderate vibes, very heavy cog fog, mild intrusive thoughts, but I'm able to carry on.  I don't know what this means, where I'm at, I'm very out of it, I just know it's going to be okay, we're all going to be okay.

[[Gr...]]

Hey all,

 

Just checking in. Went to Hollow Scream at Bush Gardens Tampa with my son and 3 friends and had a blast last night. I am still going through some very stressful situations right now but somehow I am experiencing a 98.5% window today ( like the number). I had convinced myself not too long ago that if I had these stressors that I would never catch a break -- that was wrong and BS from the benzo beast! Life is going to get a bunch better for all of us in  the coming months. I pray for each and ever one of you and may God bless you and heal you. Things are getting better.

 

Today I started looking back when I could not a year ago sit down as I was so irritable from w/d and tolerance. Things do get much much better. It is hard to see progress from day to day so you have to look back months. remember I just came out of a stress induced wave that lasted 8 weeks -- never did I ever experience a wave that long -- and it was after a year. My wave was event driven for sure.

 

So what do I have to say.... "I can see clearly now the rain is gone , I can see all obstacles in my way... it's going to be a bright, bright , bright sunny day!"Things get much better guys and gals. Love to all of you!

 

Life

 

Life, you sound wonderful!!  I'm so happy for you, and look forward to joining you soon.  I was just counting on my fingers, your jump date to mine, lol.  Even though I'm wavy, this feels like home stretch.  Yay!

[[Gr...]]

Hi Folks ...

 

Just pulled a six hour "nap" ... 1 AM here ... feeling okay with the "symptoms" ...

 

Been a "busy" week for me ... this "retirement" stuff takes energy ...

 

On Wednesday night went to a "town hall" meeting for three hours about the expansion of a "wellness Centre" into our community ... lots of blah, blah, blah ... what was cool for me is I got through a process with about 80 other folks, participated, and didn't end up over the moon ... the old brain was tired, and some physical stuff showed up ... and it wasn't "debilitating" ... one more step ...

 

Today went to our building's Halloween pumpkin carving and BBQ ... most of the adults were kind of "weird" ... and the children and the older folks were really cool ... most of them find it so easy to be "in the moment" ... a real joy to be around ...

 

Hope you are all having a good weekend ... we are getting closer ...

 

 

Nova, sounds really good, sounds like reentry to me.  Very, very happy for you!

[[Gr...]]

Nova, it seems like you met some cool little fellows at the pumpkin carving !

 

I have a student who just retired, and from his stories, retirement  takes a lot of energy and time ! HE thought he would learn French with me to fill in the hours but he can barely make the time now !

 

Korbe, your pumpkin carving sounds awesome !

 

For me Halloween will always have special meaning, it was when I Ct, and when I was operated on so now, it means many things !! I hope to do a lot to celebrate next year !

 

Life, so great you stopped by !

 

Now, I am in hell. My period is about to begin, so my vibrations are in full swing and  the whole band is playing . I am trying to finish up my stuff for work asap so I can take the day off and not challenge myself any more than necessary. My brain is already off- duty so not much left to do is there ?

 

I am more sensitive, I am crying easily and that is a  sure sign of suffering.

I had a flashback from my hallucinations, and it made me cry. It was nothing bad, but still it made my eyes pour like a fountain. In this flashback, I saw my grandmother and my mother as a little girl, they were looking at me in bed.

 

The brain, in wd ,has reasons of his own that ignore the reasons of our hearts.

 

Now, I am going to bed to try to pretend I am reading . i hope I will not have to will myself to concentrate to read for much longer !

 

HAs anybody overcome the fear of being without our loved ones in the house ? I can take only short periods, but I can't stay in bed if mr Sky isn't there with me, I don't dare let myself sleep.

 

Have a nice day,

 

Sky

 

Lately noticing fear again, irrational fear.  I have to jump out of bed in the a.m. before it takes fire.

 

Sky, your anniversary is ahead of mine.  I was sure of it.  If your c/t was around Halloween, you were first, I was Nov 15.  So your 1 year anniversary is Oct 29, then?  And mine is Nov. 15?  I still have this confusion, also with Coop, she says I'm ahead of her, but I always thought I was behind.

 

Anyway, feel better, things are going to get a lot better for us.

[[Gr...]]

Hi All! Busy day yesterday fishing, sounds like many others to!

 

I'm having some revving, maybe due to the meds from my endoscopy, even though there were no benzos used! It's the only thing different, that I can think of! So I'll ride it out, negative thoughts and all!

 

I hope everyone is getting relief!

 

 

[/img]

 

 

Hope you feel better after procedure

[[Sk...]]

Sky, your anniversary is ahead of mine.  I was sure of it.  If your c/t was around Halloween, you were first, I was Nov 15.  So your 1 year anniversary is Oct 29, then?  And mine is Nov. 15?  I still have this confusion, also with Coop, she says I'm ahead of her, but I always thought I was behind

 

Sue, I get confused about this too, I wished you happy anniversay a couple of weeks ago but no, I come before, on the 29th ! Can't wait !

[[...]]

Green and Sky, that is so awesome that you are both about to celebrate your year! Nova just had his! Just amazing! Bet it seemed like you would never get there!

 

You guys are doing so great!

 

[[Sk...]]

Green and Sky, that is so awesome that you are both about to celebrate your year! Nova just had his! Just amazing! Bet it seemed like you would never get there!

 

You guys are doing so great!

 

 

GMIT, you have no idea how right you are !! I am speaking for myself of course, maybe the Ice Lady felt differently !

 

Thanks, these next 3 days are lasting forever !

[[mr...]]

Holy cats, lots of one year anniversaries!!!!!! :highfive: :clap: :yippee:

 

How many times have we read about a big "corner" turning around 12-15 months?!? Here you are!! ,The beginning of a new era of healing has commenced Let the good great times begin!! The end of benzo withdrawal is nigh

 

Mrs.

[[Gr...]]

Sky, your anniversary is ahead of mine.  I was sure of it.  If your c/t was around Halloween, you were first, I was Nov 15.  So your 1 year anniversary is Oct 29, then?  And mine is Nov. 15?  I still have this confusion, also with Coop, she says I'm ahead of her, but I always thought I was behind

 

Sue, I get confused about this too, I wished you happy anniversay a couple of weeks ago but no, I come before, on the 29th ! Can't wait !

 

Woo-Hoo, GF, it's almost your  birthday!!

[[Gr...]]

Green and Sky, that is so awesome that you are both about to celebrate your year! Nova just had his! Just amazing! Bet it seemed like you would never get there!

 

You guys are doing so great!

 

 

Yes, GMIT, it's wonderful, it does actually happen at some point, and you're right behind us!  Thanks for the thumbs up.

 

I was trying so hard to post you a "gone fishing" image, and I still can't figure out how to get the damned picture on!  LovingMother gave me very detailed instructions, and I can't figure it out

 

Anyway, happy to hear that you get some fishing in!

[[...]]

Thanks Green! Haven't had much luck catching anything but still enjoy going!

 

Hoping this "feeling" of negativity goes away soon!

 

I sure hope you are doing well!

 

 

[[He...]]

Hi Buddies!  How exciting that we have so many that are close to hitting the 1-year anniversary!!  That is BIG news! 

 

I am still doing quite good.  I felt some waviness starting to creep in on Friday, but it hasn't really amounted to anything....just some patches of higher anxiety here and there.  Yesterday I spent watching my daughter and her team play in the District Championship volleyball tournament.  I had some anxiety, but it was manageable.  They placed 2nd and will be playing in the sub-regionals on Wednesday.  It was also her 17th birthday.    We will be celebrating with our extended family tonight.  I can't believe that she is 17!!

 

Another week into this window that has stayed opened to various degrees.  That is good stuff!  I went back and reread my old posts (I joined BB when I was about 6 months out because I started getting frantic) and I have healed SO much since then.  I truly believe that there will be continued healing this 2nd year out.

 

Sky, the fear thing DOES go away.  I used to be very afraid of many situations...mostly because I was sure I would be having a heart attack or stroke and didn't want to be alone.  I would take a bath or shower with the door unlocked (sometimes even opened), I would always have my phone in my hand, I couldn't be alone.  It does go away....hang in there.

 

Love and healing to you all!     

 

 

[[ci...]]

Hey Guys, I am always reading this thread, seeing you all make progress, makes me realize I will, too. I usually don't check in much, can't find the right words. For some crazy reason, I thought by 6 months I would see major improvement, and that did not happen. Now at 7 months CT, I was hoping for 12 months recovery, but realistically reading many posts, it looks like healing is really more in the range of 18-24 months. You all seem to have accepted this time frame......I keep fighting it. And it does wear me out. How did you all reach this point where you are more accepting of the extended recovery time, you all seem to be more at peace with the process than I am. Any advice for me?

 

Sky, I so understand that "fear" of being alone, My husband travels out of town on business, and I am alone 3 nights a week. What I fear I don't even know? I have lost my job over this, I lost me. I never had anxiety, depression, panic before I CT. Anyway, what I have done when alone, is I usually wait 15 minutes and if my fear and panic does not eave, then I call my daughter or friend, that helps calm me down. I let them know when I am alone, I have no family close by, so the phone is what I use.

 

Akways, cindy

[[je...]]

Hi Cindy

I think for me at month 10 when I had that really bad wave, I was so scared, and then it hit me like a ton of bricks that I was not gonna be healed by month 12-- I also thought that I would be healed by then. I cried and threw a big temper tantrum and then realized that no amount of crying would change anything, no pill to take it all away , there was nothing that was gonna heal me except time. It comes down to one word --acceptance..... And I think we all come to this point at different stages in our recovery. You will come to a point one day that you will have more peace about it. Hugs to you my friend, jenny