Valium/Diazepam Support Group

[[va...]]

Does anyone have morning despair? What causes it? I get up and feel this overwhelming despair, gloom and fear. I have looping perpetual fear thoughts around the issues that I fear most. It gets better by the afternoon. Just wondered if anyone had this and if anything helps to remedy this.

 

Hi Magnolis. It's plain old withdrawal. In summer I had it all day and night, so it's great to have it only in the mornings. The intensity is reducing with the long hold, except during waves. Try to do stuff and distract and act as if you weren't having those horrible symptoms. I don't know another way to live through this.

[[dd...]]

Mag...totally understand...I am sick of trying to explain and even talking about it. Its like being raped and not being believed. My social circle has shrunk to about one...but I think even she looks at me and wonders wtf. Hugs.

[[To...]]

Magnolis I experience the same thing. I don't have much to offer other than what has been said. I'm sorry you are dealing with it.

[[Ol...]]

Does anyone have morning despair? What causes it? I get up and feel this overwhelming despair, gloom and fear. I have looping perpetual fear thoughts around the issues that I fear most. It gets better by the afternoon. Just wondered if anyone had this and if anything helps to remedy this.

 

Yes I had this for a very long time in my darkest days. Often I would wake up at 5am with anxiety and despair, and be awake for the day. I would just watch Netflix, and try to just pass the time. I feel so much better now. You can get through this!

 

One thing that helped my crazy morning anxiety was Cortisol Manager by Integrative Therapeutics. I am in no way suggesting that this would work for you, just telling you what helped me get through it.

 

Hang in there! It will get better.

[[Jo...]]

Anyone noticing swollen ankles or feet?

[[Tr...]]

My feet feel swollen, but they are not. Constantly tying and undoing my shoe laces. My feet are neuropathic. Like waking on moss or on sharp concrete.  Sometimes both.

[[Jo...]]

Does anyone have morning despair? What causes it? I get up and feel this overwhelming despair, gloom and fear. I have looping perpetual fear thoughts around the issues that I fear most. It gets better by the afternoon. Just wondered if anyone had this and if anything helps to remedy this.

 

Yes when in a wave, for sure. I try to move around and get into a routine. There are people who say that this is because cortisol levels are at a peak when you get up. Hang in there.

[[bl...]]

Does anyone have morning despair? What causes it? I get up and feel this overwhelming despair, gloom and fear. I have looping perpetual fear thoughts around the issues that I fear most. It gets better by the afternoon. Just wondered if anyone had this and if anything helps to remedy this.

 

Hi Magnolis. It's plain old withdrawal. In summer I had it all day and night, so it's great to have it only in the mornings. The intensity is reducing with the long hold, except during waves. Try to do stuff and distract and act as if you weren't having those horrible symptoms. I don't know another way to live through this.

 

Hi all

 

Dropped in to look at this AM cycling thought issue.

 

Seems upon awaking for just a few minutes all seems fine. Then inexplicably -- worry abounds and thoughts go from the past to the future concerns. I try to stay mindful -- I try! Interestingly, looking at my log there are days every few days when the thoughts are not so powerful and irritating. A pattern of sorts that I should pay attention to.

 

Once I get up the magnitude of the thoughts fade--yet--still have a habit of mind during day of these sort of thought patterns. The key according to meditation/mindfullness experts is to recognize the thoughts and let them float away like a flock of birds in the sky without self identifying.

 

They emphasize we are not our thoughts it is just how the mind works--60,000 to 80,000 thoughts per day on average for all people. Most go unnoticed and acted upon unconsciously. Knowing what we are thinking is mindfulness. Most of our thoughts are not true or only partially true, over dramatic--a story line that is narrow and dismissive of causes and conditions. 

 

We beat ourselves up when we need to cultivate self compassion----I know for I work on this all day and have been doing so since early this year when the effect of X--put my thoughts in high gear. Of course, I had the overthinking issue for years - just not as aware of such - as thoughts can run our day without our awareness. We think while we brush our teeth--we are driven by unnecessary habitual thoughts.

 

According to Eckhart Tolle/Jon Kabat-Zinn/Tara Brach-- thinking is the most addictive process known to man. They refer to our minds in meditation/Buddhism as--the "monkey mind." Many videos about monkey mind online--a humorous way of describing how our minds work--all of us (see poem below). We have to retrain our minds by attempting to stay present and aware in the present moment. Never taking our thoughts personally--it is just how the mind works and the solution is staying in the present moment anchored by watching our breath and other techniques.

 

This video may be helpful. Begins with statement about meditation but is about--thoughts in general. It is a comforting video---we are not alone in this regard.

 

Dealing with thoughts---https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9kNXhJf6jOM&loop=0

 

 

THANKING A MONKEY

 

There’s a monkey in my mind

swinging on a trapeze,

reaching back to the past

or leaning into the future,

never standing still.

 

Sometimes I want to kill

that monkey, shoot it square

between the eyes so I won’t

have to think anymore

or feel the pain of worry.

 

But today I thanked her

and she jumped down

straight into my lap,

trapeze still swinging

as we sat still.

 

~Kaveri Patel

 

Cheers

 

 

[[va...]]

Blue that was a useful post.

[[Ma...]]

Blue,

Thank you for your post.  It really helps!  I copy and pasted in my daily log!!

 

 

[[Ma...]]

Does anyone have morning despair? What causes it? I get up and feel this overwhelming despair, gloom and fear. I have looping perpetual fear thoughts around the issues that I fear most. It gets better by the afternoon. Just wondered if anyone had this and if anything helps to remedy this.

 

Hi Magnolis. It's plain old withdrawal. In summer I had it all day and night, so it's great to have it only in the mornings. The intensity is reducing with the long hold, except during waves. Try to do stuff and distract and act as if you weren't having those horrible symptoms. I don't know another way to live through this.

 

Hi all

 

Dropped in to look at this AM cycling thought issue.

 

Seems upon awaking for just a few minutes all seems fine. Then inexplicably -- worry abounds and thoughts go from the past to the future concerns. I try to stay mindful -- I try! Interestingly, looking at my log there are days every few days when the thoughts are not so powerful and irritating. A pattern of sorts that I should pay attention to.

 

Once I get up the magnitude of the thoughts fade--yet--still have a habit of mind during day of these sort of thought patterns. The key according to meditation/mindfullness experts is to recognize the thoughts and let them float away like a flock of birds in the sky without self identifying.

 

They emphasize we are not our thoughts it is just how the mind works--60,000 to 80,000 thoughts per day on average for all people. Most go unnoticed and acted upon unconsciously. Knowing what we are thinking is mindfulness. Most of our thoughts are not true or only partially true, over dramatic--a story line that is narrow and dismissive of causes and conditions. 

 

We beat ourselves up when we need to cultivate self compassion----I know for I work on this all day and have been doing so since early this year when the effect of X--put my thoughts in high gear. Of course, I had the overthinking issue for years - just not as aware of such - as thoughts can run our day without our awareness. We think while we brush our teeth--we are driven by unnecessary habitual thoughts.

 

According to Eckhart Tolle/Jon Kabat-Zinn/Tara Brach-- thinking is the most addictive process known to man. They refer to our minds in meditation/Buddhism as--the "monkey mind." Many videos about monkey mind online--a humorous way of describing how our minds work--all of us (see poem below). We have to retrain our minds by attempting to stay present and aware in the present moment. Never taking our thoughts personally--it is just how the mind works and the solution is staying in the present moment anchored by watching our breath and other techniques.

 

This video may be helpful. Begins with statement about meditation but is about--thoughts in general. It is a comforting video---we are not alone in this regard.

 

Dealing with thoughts---https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9kNXhJf6jOM&loop=0

 

 

THANKING A MONKEY

 

There’s a monkey in my mind

swinging on a trapeze,

reaching back to the past

or leaning into the future,

never standing still.

 

Sometimes I want to kill

that monkey, shoot it square

between the eyes so I won’t

have to think anymore

or feel the pain of worry.

 

But today I thanked her

and she jumped down

straight into my lap,

trapeze still swinging

as we sat still.

 

~Kaveri Patel

 

Cheers

 

Great post!!  I have also read about monkey mind, but the poem made this great 

[[Mo...]]

Hang in there, Magnolis.  The unpredictability of this crap is maddening.  Unfortunately, like you, I have had to separate myself from many others as people just don't get it.  Especially my mother and sisters.  It's been very sad.  I have had to distance myself and tell them now that I can only contact them via email.  They have hurt me too much by not believing me or what I am going through.  NO one can understand this unless you have lived through it.  And even then, there are different levels of hell in this thing.

 

As far as swollen feet.  My feet hurt every morning when I get up - not sure if they are swollen b/c I am always wearing socks b/c my feet freeze all the time.  But they hurt.

 

Looping thoughts/gloom and doom - I've always been a ruminator but this has increased it 10X fold.  When I was in acute on Klonopin, I would wake up feeling like it was groundhog day, unbelieving that I was in that horrendous place again for another day.  Couldn't believe that was my life and reality just wouldn't/couldn't set in.  I wouldn't even allow my husband any longer to tell me "It's going to be ok" because I didn't believe it.  No one can fathom this. 

[[va...]]

Mom of 7, are you tapering the Valium or are you holding indefinitely?

[[Mo...]]

No, I'm tapering, Valiumnomore.  Only a measly .01 mg per day at this point.  I am using a pill/liquid (Roxane) combo at this point, still trialing it.  I am now at 5 mg of TEVA pills and 1.3 mg of Roxane liquid.  I've only been cutting for a few weeks.  If in a few weeks, things don't get worse (I'm definitely not symptom free but better than I was on K), then I will increase my cut rate to like .012 or something.  Then wait a few more weeks, re-evaluate and so on.  I'm only waiting another 3 weeks because I just switched over another 1 mg from pill to Roxane and I want to make sure my body tolerates it ok.  I'm extremely sensitive. 

[[va...]]

No, I'm tapering, Valiumnomore.  Only a measly .01 mg per day at this point.  I am using a pill/liquid (Roxane) combo at this point, still trialing it.  I am now at 5 mg of TEVA pills and 1.3 mg of Roxane liquid.  I've only been cutting for a few weeks.  If in a few weeks, things don't get worse (I'm definitely not symptom free but better than I was on K), then I will increase my cut rate to like .012 or something.  Then wait a few more weeks, re-evaluate and so on.  I'm only waiting another 3 weeks because I just switched over another 1 mg from pill to Roxane and I want to make sure my body tolerates it ok.  I'm extremely sensitive.

 

Mom of 7 I think you're doing great. After my crash I'm very scared of the valium lag time so when / if I ever taper again, I'll do three month holds after every cut. I'll personally cut and hold . We each have to follow our instincts in this. I'm really happy to see you're tapering after all you've gone through. Us kindled ones have it tough.

[[Cr...]]

Hi guys, thought I'd drop in here.

Sometimes, I get the spins and a real faint feeling, like you need to hold the walls or you struggle to walk straight. I'm also accompanied by a lovely ear-splitting headache.

Anyone else get this? Does it go away?

Dave.

[[bl...]]

Hi guys, thought I'd drop in here.

Sometimes, I get the spins and a real faint feeling, like you need to hold the walls or you struggle to walk straight. I'm also accompanied by a lovely ear-splitting headache.

Anyone else get this? Does it go away?

Dave.

 

Hi Crowman88:

 

I am relatively new BB and benzo user.

 

When I was using X and tapering without a guide, did have your sx and they were really odd and unexpected events. Just sligh momentary out of blue spin.

 

With the V have experienced a heavy to mild, depending on the day, sensation in front of head and eye sight slight blurs. Of course, along with other irritating but mild physical sensations. I have not had a real headache fortunately.

 

Here are the Ashton symptoms--exhaustive list. One hell of a list!

 

I try to only skim it--fearing the power of imagining a sx. I have decided not to adopt any of the sx but I sure wouldn't mind the (or occasional increase in libido)--for a day or two!

 

Physical Symptoms: abnormal sensitivity to sensory stimuli* (such as loud noise or bright light), muscle tension/pain**, joint pain*, tinnitus*, headaches*, shaking/tremors*, blurred vision* (and other complications related to the eyes), itchy skin* (including formication, ie sensations of insects crawling on skin), gastrointestinal discomfort*, electric shock sensations*, paraesthesiae* (numbness and pins and needles, especially in extremities), fatigue*, weakness in the extremities* (particularly the legs), feelings of inner vibrations* (especially in the torso), sweating, fluctuations in body temperature, difficulty in swallowing, loss of appetite, "flu like" symptoms, fasciculations (muscle twitching), metallic taste in mouth, nausea, extreme thirst (including dry mouth and increased frequency of urination), sexual dysfunction (or occasional increase in libido), heart palpitations, dizziness, vertigo, breathlessness.

[[bl...]]

Looking for feedback per dosing.

 

Now, I understand the V "lag have been reading about. Looks like my big jump confirmed such ( Nov. to today). May be stabilizing?

 

Question:

 

I am taking 2 mg AM (no noticeable affect---at all) and 4 mg late PM which is effective. With a trazadone!

 

Wonder if before I start a cut, in a week or so, if I should try taking the 6 mg at PM and then cutting from that point.

 

Any suggestions.

 

Cheers

[[Ol...]]

Looking for feedback per dosing.

 

Now, I understand the V "lag have been reading about. Looks like my big jump confirmed such ( Nov. to today). May be stabilizing?

 

Question:

 

I am taking 2 mg AM (no noticeable affect---at all) and 4 mg late PM which is effective. With a trazadone!

 

Wonder if before I start a cut, in a week or so, if I should try taking the 6 mg at PM and then cutting from that point.

 

Any suggestions.

 

Cheers

 

Hi Blue,

With the long half life of V that should probably be fine, it depends on how your body metabolizes it. Do you tend to get interdose withdrawals? When I was at 6mg I took 3 in the morning and 3 in the evening, and I tapered down the evening dose first so now I only dose in the morning. But to each his own!

[[Mo...]]

Valiumnomore,

Yes, we do each have to do what is best for us BUT, you may want to just "try" a micro.....hard to know, honestly, what is best.  I think the micro is more gentle but it can catch up to you.....with that said, so many have been successful with it and it could be just what you need.  Some I know didn't stabilize until they dosed 3X per day and did a microtaper, very very slow.  This is hell Valiumnomore, and different levels of hell in this crap.  I don't even want to put it out there how bad some of my physical symptoms became while tapering K as they were torturous and out of a sci-fi movie.  Still not great but better and trying to move forward, remaining "functional" with 7 kids in my home.  I know I won't fully heal until off.  Hugs.

[[va...]]

Valiumnomore,

Yes, we do each have to do what is best for us BUT, you may want to just "try" a micro.....hard to know, honestly, what is best.  I think the micro is more gentle but it can catch up to you.....with that said, so many have been successful with it and it could be just what you need.  Some I know didn't stabilize until they dosed 3X per day and did a microtaper, very very slow.  This is hell Valiumnomore, and different levels of hell in this crap.  I don't even want to put it out there how bad some of my physical symptoms became while tapering K as they were torturous and out of a sci-fi movie.  Still not great but better and trying to move forward, remaining "functional" with 7 kids in my home.  I know I won't fully heal until off.  Hugs.

 

Yes mom of 7. I know many do well on the micro. But I've seen people who make a mistake with the dlmt and cut 25% due to that mistake. I don't know if I'm right but I'm following my gut. For now I'm waiting, probably forever. However if I ever feel better to a point of tapering again, I'll do cut and hold. I hope you're very successful with your taper. Your success story will be very worth reading doing this with seven kids.

[[Ma...]]

Val,

I did dlmt for 3 years with holds. I had a good run until I screwed up by going faster not slower around 2 mg. I drank wine on vacation and let symptoms get worse and worse for 2 months because I had no idea they were wd.  With the benzo. .Org spreadsheet it would be very hard to make a mistake as big as 25% .@You pick what % monthly you want to reduce and follow the sheet. Adjust the % when needed.

This is laughable now, but in May I posted “is it possible to go faster as you go lower? Because I felt that good. I always felt better tapering when I was stable. At the beginning of taper, I tried to go 15% faster because I was feeling good and got slammed. I never updosed that time. Then 2 years ago my hormone patch stopped working which produced a bad time. I held a lot during that 12

months. Other than that, I held if I was going on a trip, if I felt sick. This method worked for me.

Now going forward, like you, I’m scared. When I’m completely stable, I’ll taper again mixing liquid and dry,

[[va...]]

Thank you Magnolis! I'll do cut and hold. I'm very stubborn. But with 2/3 month holds.

[[Ma...]]

Trust your gut. I know you will succeed when and if you are ready! The trauma  and lack of feeling safe in this world will require me to take no action at this time . Ps..I did get my 3 month grey roots dyed. I guess that’s progress?

[[Ol...]]

Trust your gut. I know you will succeed when and if you are ready! The trauma  and lack of feeling safe in this world will require me to take no action at this time . Ps..I did get my 3 month grey roots dyed. I guess that’s progress?

 

That is progress! I always know I am feeling better when I get my roots done