The Klonopin Klub

[[Du...]]

Hello! I would just like to say how thankful I am to have found this forum. I have been on Klonopin for two years, after being on Xanax for 2 years prior to that. (I was diagnosed with agoraphobia and panic disorder.) For nearly 2 years I have been on 1 mg/ 3 times per day; only in the past few months have I been taking maybe 1 or 2 per day. I ended up going to a new doctor last month because I truly want to rid my body of these horrid meds, and he prescribed me .5 mg Klonopin for a month, expecting me to taper completely off them within these 30 days! After doing a lot of research, I have come to the conclusion that this is too fast, and I need to taper slowly. In regards to the Ashton Manual, I don't really want to start taking Valium as I'm afraid that I will become addicted to it. I'm only 30, and these drugs have ruined my life in more ways than I can count! I cannot sustain a normal relationship, I act impulsively (i.e quitting jobs on impulse, taking 2 semesters off from the University, let my emotions control everything), and the list goes on! And the ironic thing is that I am (was) getting my Masters degree in Clinical Psychology!

[[Fi...]]

Hello Dulce, welcome to the K Klub.

 

30 days does seem like a very rapid taper to me. In the half dozen times I have seen my doc since starting to taper on my own a year ago, he continued to prove his ignorance of benzo w/d to me by denying the existence of any protracted symptoms. It seems to be a common theme theme among medical professionals. They have become pill pushers. I wonder have your studies in Clinical Psychology indicated this unfortunate trend among psychologists?

 

Brian - you're doing well to tolerate tea. I've had to cut out all stimulants including chocolates and that one really smarts as this w/d has definitely caused a craving for sweets.

 

Had a decent window of near-normality for my 3 month anniversary of jumping but last 2 days have been a horrid acute wave of anxiety and insomnia. Curse you Klonopin!

 

Looking for a better day and best to all,

Fish

 

 

[[ja...]]

Gorgeous morning here in Central NJ. Looking out my window in my office - so pretty. Unfortunately in a couple of weeks I'm going to be losing my office due to renovations...delegated to a cubicle. In this economy, though, I'll take what I can get.

 

Woot woot Brian!! You're doing so great!

 

Tab, one of the w/d symptoms is emotional distress. For a while I just couldn't stop crying and yelling at my husband. He's just getting over being resentful about it. It sucks, but it's par for the course. It goes away!

 

Dulce, you're telling my story. Check out my Success Story called "I have crossed the Rubicon", and look where it talks about when I was 30. I forgot to clean, forgot how to pay bills, ran up a crapload of debt (parents bailed me out, I ran it up again), got divorced from my first husband, and more - more - more. You are doing great to catch it now. In my second decade on Klonopin, I had impaired judgement, quit jobs all over the place, complete loss of short-term memory, doubled in size...the list goes on. Still cleaning up the carnage, believe me. As far as a fast taper, I went c/t from 2 mg, and in retrospect I would have loved to taper. Six days didn't cut it. But hey, I'm almost 5 months out and life is great...so I think it's worth it.

 

My husband got paid today...there is a God!

 

Happy Thursday, all!!

[[Fi...]]

Jax, your positive, cheery outlook is a true inspiration!

[[ta...]]

Fisher,  I'm also having a bad wave at 3 1/2 months off.  I'm just about 2 weeks ahead of you.  I had a nice window for 3-4 days a couple weeks ago, but back into anxiety and depression now.  Did you have a trigger at all? 

[[Fi...]]

Fisher,  I'm also having a bad wave at 3 1/2 months off.  I'm just about 2 weeks ahead of you.  I had a nice window for 3-4 days a couple weeks ago, but back into anxiety and depression now.  Did you have a trigger at all?

 

Still trying to figure it all out, tablasco. So far unable to do so. Can't differentiate causes from effects. They say this is "healing" but its near impossible to view it as such. Don't know what the next step is. Sorry I can't offer any positive advice right now. Like the old saying "When you're up to your a$$ in alligators, its hard to remember that your original intention was to drain the swamp".

 

Best to you and all,

Fish

[[li...]]

What a picture that alligator analogy creates  .......  you made me smile on a difficult day - thanks!!

 

I am really struggling with benzo flu, no gaps at all today. 

 

In retrospect, do you think tapering helped?  On a day like this, I wonder if I am just prolonging the hell.  I am nearly at .125mg clonazepam.

 

Lizie

[[ta...]]

Thanks Fisher!  Hope you feel better soon.  I think the tapering helped me, even though I jumped on a lager dose than suggested.  I have tried for years to get this far and I could not get past a few months.  I'm hoping the next few give me more windows like I had a couple weeks ago.

[[li...]]

Thanks for responding, Tab.  I suppose I just have to keep plodding on but it's definitely a tough one today!

 

Hope you get endless windows soon ...

Lizie

[[ja...]]

Morning, Klub! It's inordinately early, just 5:40 AM and I was up at 5:00.  At least it's Friday. 

 

So I've got some bad news and some good news. The bad news is that I had some insomnia last night and bad twitching at about 10:00 PM. I laid in my bed feeling frustrated, and I was hot for some reason. I want to seriously crawl out of my body when I feel like that. Just couldn't relax! And I woke up super-early feeling physically like crap. So...why? I had to analyze it...because I refuse to give in to w/d symptoms again.

 

So this is what I came up with:

1.    I have been eating like crap and I'm heavy and moving into another size. Bad for self esteem and bad for sex life too.  I've tried so many diets...anyone have a suggestion?

2.    My back hurting badly so I've taken non-narcotic pain pills, but benzo-like muscle relaxers. As well as medicinal plantlife, which works the best, but don't tell anyone. The muscle relaxers have a benzo-type effect and I wake up feeling woozy and crappy. Admittedly I absolutely love the feeling when I take it - brings me back to my K days. But I can't keep feeling that way. Face life, you know??

3. I haven't exercised due to the foot surgery. God, I want to!!

 

So here's my solutions:

1. I need to eat differently and I will feel better. I'm scrounging around for a diet I haven't tried.

2. My back is better and I don't have to take the meds anymore. Especially if I don't need them. Deal, jax, deal.

3. Next Thursday I'll get an all-clear for exercise, and then do it up.

 

Meditation helps so much, although I've been getting emotional while I do it. In my mind my 22-year-old pretty self comes to me and takes me by the hand. She runs merrily down Los Angeles streets, twirls and laughs. When she takes my hand to join her, I feel terribly old and unable to do so much that I used to. I am stilted and can't fly with her. Feel like a lump on the sidewalk that can't move. I feel there's so much I'll never feel again and never have a chance of becoming. I started taking benzos at 22, and that's where my happiness ended.  :'(

 

Probably a mid-life crisis. The good news is that my friends are mostly going through the same thing. Unbelievable how many are going through divorces and re-marriages (myself included). We're all in the same boat, and maybe it has nothing to do with benzos. Who knows, right?

 

This too shall pass...have a wonderful Friday, everyone. 

[[Cl...]]

Hey jaxnj!

 

I know exactly what you're talking about when it comes to the twitching and feeling hot for no reason. *sigh*

 

As for your diet, you might consider going "primal" or "paleo." I've lost about 15 lbs. in 2 months with VERY LITTLE exercise. Mostly because exercise is not an option at this point in w/d. However, I can't wait for the day I can get back to it. The catalyst for me to get into primal eating was food intolerances. No gluten, corn, soy, or dairy for me. Sounds crazy I know, but I also avoid sugar like the plague (save for fruit). Essentially, it's mostly animals, grass fed of course, vegetables, and some fruit. The idea being that if you can keep your insulin (FAT STORAGE HORMONE) levels low via the reduction of dietary carbohydrate, your body will not store fat.....and indeed it can't! A really great website/blog for everything "primal" is www.marksdailyapple.com. It's got a forum, recipes, the whole nine. Not to mention it's incredibly well written. Good luck!

[[af...]]

I am having severe panic attacks that last all day and night. I cannot seem to stabalize. I have panic attacks even after I take my dose. do you think i could be having a paradoxical affect? I do not sleep not even for an hour. i feel as if i will go mad.

 

[[Bo...]]

Definitely gonna try the meditation thing.  I live in NYC and found several meditation groups.

 

Hey, Brian...yes, meditation is an excellent idea. I live in NYC as well, and my GF taught a meditation class for over 10 years here. I substituted occasionally.

 

I have not been able to meditate for a year or two now because of my last job (awful) and now because I'm tapering off K.

[[Bo...]]

I am having severe panic attacks that last all day and night. I cannot seem to stabalize. I have panic attacks even after I take my dose. do you think i could be having a paradoxical affect? I do not sleep not even for an hour. i feel as if i will go mad.

 

You halved your dosage. That's a huge drop, percentage wise.

 

I have panic attacks, too. I am tapering from 4mg down to 0mg over a year.  Every night it takes me an hour to fall asleep because of the panic attack. Heart and mind racing (even though a pulse check indicates that no, my heart has not gone crazy). And this is even after taking my dose (which is currently set at a double dose, the last one of the day, to help me go to sleep and get through the night).

 

Panic attacks are so intertwined with everything about K. You get on the med to stop them, you feel them more as you're ramping up, and then when you decide to quit, no matter how long the tapering timespan, the panic attacks return.  Sometimes I'm in panic attack mode all day long.  You're not alone. It's only when you achieve the "perfect dosage" and stay on it for a while that the panic attacks reduce to 10% or go away entirely. Meanwhile, all sorts of other bad things are happening to your brain chemistry; and you don't even know it.

 

If I read your sig right, you just started a month ago and have chosen to reduce by half.  Have I got that right?

 

—BL

 

[[af...]]

yes. but there were two nights that i increased my dose in the last two weeks but it didn't help

 

[[re...]]

Hey, all -

 

I've been travelling (am still away), so this will be a somewhat limited response.  Brian, I second Jax in cheering you on!  And Jax GOOD FOR YOU for resisting the drug-pushing doctor.  I hope the MRI goes/went well; I had one and didn't find it to be a difficult thing to undergo at all.  Just annoying to have to schlep myself to the hospital.  Anyway, keep meditating--it makes all the difference.

 

Wishing everyone well--sorry to be scarce these days; visiting my dad and sister.

 

Cheers,

 

Rek

[[Ly...]]

Good morning k club

How's everyone doing ?  This is day 34 for me coming off klonopin. I was on Ativan

.50 for 2 1/2 months  and then on .25 klonopin for a month before I decided I wanted off this crap.

In the past 35 days I've tapered down to .0312 with doctor

Supervision. I have been experiencing alot

Of racing heartbeats up to 130 a minute and feel an almost

Constant fluttering of my heart throughout the day. Went to cardiologist

And got a heart monitor for a day. Everything checked out fine but it alarms me that my once

Consistently low pulse of 89-100 is now mostly up in the 115-120 range .

Well this symtom calm down ? I've read alot about racing heart being a part of withdrawal.

Also just consistently experiencing various feelings of fuzzy head, dizziness and feeling out of it throughout the day that wax and wane in intensity the more I'm up and moving around . I was only a short time user of benzos and its stressing me out I'm having so many problems . I do have anxiety disorder to begin with but it's hard for me to believe its really this bad . I read alt on this board about withdrawal ... Am hoping these symptoms slow down. It worries me . Hoping my real leftover anxiety disorder isn't this bad!

[[Bo...]]

Dear K Club:

 

I'm a newbie, just getting feet wet this week, and I just realized—d'oh!—that this thread IS a club. Y'all check in every day and tell it like it is. I love it!  It's like a community diary.

 

None of you really know me (yet), but I just want to say: this is awesome. 

 

—BL

[[So...]]

...I have been experiencing alot

Of racing heartbeats up to 130 a minute and feel an almost

Constant fluttering of my heart throughout the day. Went to cardiologist

And got a heart monitor for a day. Everything checked out fine but it alarms me that my once

Consistently low pulse of 89-100 is now mostly up in the 115-120 range .

Well this symtom calm down ? I've read alot about racing heart being a part of withdrawal.

... Am hoping these symptoms slow down. It worries me . Hoping my real leftover anxiety disorder isn't this bad!

 

Hi LynnR,

 

I also am a short termer although it took me about 6 months to taper off. Have been benzo free for 3 1/2 weeks now - yah!

 

During the taper I also had rapid heartbeat (RHB) on and off and am STILL having it! Am also hoping that once my CNS calms down this will fade. I  also did the day monitor test and will find out results soon. It's probably just a side effect but it's good to get these things checked out just to be safe.

 

I found the RHB gets worse with increase in stress, so I do exercise and meditate which does help. When it gets really bad I have an Rx my cardiologist gave me to calm the heart rate but I don't like taking any meds, especially after this whole Klonopin thing, so I only take it occasionally and try to ride thru the episodes I do get.

 

I have heard from other short timers that this process takes time, sometimes months, for our brains and nervous systems to calm down and get used to the "new normal". It might be good for you to keep a journal and see if the RHB is connected to anything.

 

I've also cut out all caffeine and alcohol - not even a glass of wine with dinner anymore! Also no sugar.

 

I know this isn't much but just wanted to reach out and offer a bit of support. Sending healing thoughts your way.

[[br...]]

Hey K-Club:

 

I am arranged to do my third cut in 6 days from now.  I already posted it on my signature (positive forward thinking or just counting my chickens before they are hatched?).  I have requested a vacation week off from work.  So from the day I lower the dose to returning to work; I will have 10 days to hopefully deal with the worst of acute w/d.  After this, I will be at 2 mg daily for three months till my next cut.  It will probably be a year long process.  It sucks but better than ending up in psychosis, jobless or in a hospital.

 

I am having trouble resisting the coffee.  It's like I gave up alcohol and I have to deal with w/d from K.  While I have this window, I want something from my old life.  I have been trying to just drink half a cup a day in the morning.  It has some of the old good feeling mixed with some of the amped up w/d.  In any case, once I do my next cut in 6 days, all caffeine will have to stop for a while.  That was my experience with my last two cuts anyway.  Caffeine is not even an option for me when in acute w/d.

 

I hope everyone is doing well.  I'm sure I'll be checking in again and again once I cut next week.

 

Be well.

 

brian

[[Bo...]]

OMG, this afternoon I called seven professionals for help with my K tapering—therapists, psychologists, and psychiatrists—because I think it's time for me to go shopping for some professional support.  1/3 were nice, but not right; 1/3 were definite possibilities; but the last third, this ONE woman, was bullying me over the phone!

 

I had three simple questions prepared as "tests."  When she answered #2 and #3 correctly, she stated, "Of course I know these things—I've been in the business for thirty years!"  But when it became apparent that she had no idea what #1 referred to, she said, "What are you doing?  Giving me the third degree?"

 

She also told me, "You're doing it wrong!" when I told her I was taking a year to taper off 2mg of K.

 

I politely told her, "I don't like the way you're treating me.  You keep interrupting me, and you've patronized me several times. I don't think it would be a good idea for me to work with you.  Goodbye."

 

After I hung up, I felt my heart pounding and racing. 

 

Great.  Just what I need: a panic attack as a result of interviewing someone I'm considering hiring to help me with my panic attacks. 

 

[[Du...]]

Just an update....

 

I went to my family doctor today with the Ashton Method for tapering in hand, and explained to him that I felt he was trying to taper me too fast as I have been on benzos for 4 years now. He had heard of the Ashton Method, yet wasn't so familiar with it. He then asked me if I had ever considered going to rehab... at that moment I just started crying. No one ever has suggested that I might want to try rehab, and it was at that very moment I realized how seriously addicted I am! I knew I was addicted, but not to the point where I should consider rehab?! I told him I would if it meant I would finally be free, but it is impossible as I don't have health insurance. So he told me that he would consult with the psychiatrist in the same building and get back to me early next week. The only thing I am hesitant on is taking Valium during the tapering. I'm afraid that I might get addicted to it.

 

In regards to one of the other member's questions, there is a lot of debate with medications- especially benzos- within clinical psychology. Personally, I believe that Schema Therapy would prove to be quite successful. It is basically an expansion of CBT and mainly focuses on Axis I disorders- which I believe that many of us in this group suffer from in the first place. I just wish that I had found a therapist in the beginning who could have really helped me, instead of one referring me to a psychiatrist in conjunction with therapy.

[[Ge...]]

Ack! Dulce313, I highly recommend reading through some threads in the Cold Turkey section as you consider rehab.  Everything I've read here has been really tough for people who have gone that route.

[[ja...]]

Hi All! Checking in TOO early on a Saturday morning... Having a bit of trouble sleeping lately. I think it's the whole back-to-work-after-surgery thing, stressful job in insurance sales. Don't get me wrong, I love it! But I wake up with dumb things on my mind like, "Why didn't I tell Kevin before he meets with the Vice President that there's an opportunity to quote ALL insurance instead of just health & workers comp?" BLAH! And then I can't go back to sleep  And, um, yeah - I have to come clean with my K-Klub buddies - I'm an insurance salesperson. But not one of those creepy ones 

 

SO! Welcome, Booklight! Yes, we are a Club that checks in frequently on each other and know what we're all going through. We're all at different stages here. We have people who are tapering, people who are jumping, people who have been off the benzos a little while, people who have been off 5 months tomorrow  and people longer than that. I've been a member of the Klub for a few months now. It's great to follow people through their struggles and journeys and discoveries. So, welcome! And you've endeared yourself to me by not only spelling d'oh right, but doing it while I'm wearing a t-shirt of Homer Simpson right now. 

 

Dulce, I'm with you! I went to the Carrier Clinic on 5/15/12 for severe depression, and once the depression was gone I told them I wanted to get off Klonopin and then Carrier turned into the rehab that it also is known for. They helped me! They got me to taper (way too fast, to say the least...2.5mg to 0mg in 6 days) and they watched me. It was a safe environment to spend the first week of w/d in. When I left, I saw an addiction counselor for 3 months and he helped me tremendously with the w/d, mostly telling me that it's completely normal, even though I felt like hell frozen over. So...my body was addicted - and psychologically too - and I'm glad I had the experience.

 

Genoa, I resemble your remark. 

 

Brian, you're so confident, I love it. Way to put your next cut in your signature already.  When you're home for the week, do let us know how you're doing?

 

Rek, good to hear from you, as always. Hopefully everything's ok with your family.

 

So everyone, please have a good Saturday! Forget about K and withdrawal...go shopping, or something. Watch football. Get your nails done. Play a video game. Have fun!!

 

jaxnj

 

[[Bo...]]

SO! Welcome, Booklight! Yes, we are a Club that checks in frequently on each other and know what we're all going through. We're all at different stages here. We have people who are tapering, people who are jumping, people who have been off the benzos a little while, people who have been off 5 months tomorrow  and people longer than that. I've been a member of the Klub for a few months now. It's great to follow people through their struggles and journeys and discoveries. So, welcome! And you've endeared yourself to me by not only spelling d'oh right, but doing it while I'm wearing a t-shirt of Homer Simpson right now. 

 

 

jaxnj,

 

Thanks for the shout out!  Really appreciate it. 

 

Sounds like you keep track of everyone—I don't know how you do it.  Very impressive.  I'm not a people person much myself, although my favorite thing is to be onstage performing for 100s of people.  Go figure.

 

—BL