The Klonopin Klub

[[re...]]

JKS and EVERYONE--it's the meds, not you.  Try to make that a mantra, if you can.

 

Intend, thank you for your comments--I was not on yesterday, wasted from no sleep the night before.  Having a bout of insomnia at the moment.

 

To anyone who, along with JSK, found the information pertaining to that study upsetting, I'm sorry!  I did not mean to upset anyone by providing the link.

 

In recent days I've understood the desire just to pop a pill to feel better.  Having a bit of a setback.  I'm not going to go into it in any detail--there's no need.  I'm starting intensive fish oil supplements, because I know my diet is low in omega-3, and I think at this point I'm far enough off the benzos that it's safe to go back to supplements.  If I find the fish oil is helpful, I'll let you guys know--with the caveat that ALL supplements, with few exceptions (e.g. magnesium, which seems to be benign) should be approached with caution by anyone in active withdrawal.

 

Take care, all -

 

Peace,

 

Rek

[[ig...]]

Hi Humanpincushion,

I have problems with fish oil/krill oil and haven't taken them for a while, but will try to sneak

in a partial pill now and then.

I don't go out much either-sunlight bugs me most of the time. I went to the doc a couple of

days ago and felt lousy the next day--it was from being out in the car, and being in his

fluorescent-lit waiting room.

It will all get better. These symptoms have improved since I resumed taking probiotics, and quite

a while back, when I C/T from Paxil, the light sensitivity was a bear--and coincidentally, when

I took probiotics after a while back then the light sensitivyty improved.

Ashwagandha has helped it too.

Just some anecdotal stuff that helped me.

Feel better,

Ignatious

[[re...]]

Oh, Jaxy - I don't know how it can have happened (cumulative sleep-deprivation, maybe--not running on all my cylinders; that and I was in a rush because I had to take my son somewhere), but I somehow completely missed your post earlier today.  THE JOB THING--this is unbelievable!    I am so sorry--last thing you needed.  Do you suppose the universe is trying to tell you your talents are wasted on sales and your real calling lies elsewhere?  I know--it can be hard to think in those terms when what you're dealing with most immediately is the sense of "What the hell did I do wrong??"  I'm not convinced, mind you, that it's you--these people sound f***ed up to me, frankly.  At any rate, my next question is, does New Jersey offer job counselling services the way I think many states do?  A lot of those kinds of services have been cut back, I suppose, but maybe it would be a good avenue at least to explore.  I wish had some more unequivocally positive and uplifting words to offer.  I'm thinking of you.  I'm glad that the upcoming move is a positive distraction, at any rate.

 

 

 

Rek

[[re...]]

p.s. - In response to Jax's question about palliatives--basically yes, except not baths so much (which I don't care for), but hot showers for aching body-parts.  Meditation, yes, and deep breathing.  Purifying the diet is a good idea, too.  Drinking plenty of water.  Exercise as much as you can manage.  Full-spectrum light when possible. 

 

I'm trying the fish oil now for a mood issue.  I heard from someone reputable that omega-3 fatty acids are crucial for mood function (not the first time I'd heard that, but this person's presentation was particularly effective, I thought).  This doesn't mean they're a good idea for everyone in withdrawal, and Ignatius has just spoken to that.  I'm almost a year out, so I'm going to give this a fairly intensive try.  The advice I got was to take pharmaceutical-grade (molecularly distilled) fish oil in therapeutic doses, which can mean up to 1000 or even 2000mg of EPA, which is apparently the more critical one (as opposed to DHA, although both are essential in general) for mood.  I'm taking a twice-daily dose of about 1000mg of EPA and 750mg of DHA.  And we'll see.

 

Wishing everyone windows today.

 

Peace,

 

Rek

[[De...]]

10 more days and I'm jumping.  (EEEEEEEEE!!!!)

 

I've seen a couple posts asking how to titrate.  I would be happy to share my process through the PM.

[[Ma...]]

Update- finally stabilized on .875 Monday- like a brand new person.

Pdoc switching me to Valium- dropped to .5 K w 2mg Valium - option to take another 6mg V if  needed..

Haven't needed to take any and its been 5 days- yeah:)

So basically now holding at much lower total dose.. Roughly.6 -.7 K equiv.

Will try another drop of K and addition of V next week.

Going for .25K with 3mg-4mgV

Finally Hopeful! Thnks for all the support.

[[Mo...]]

I took a big plunge today and am going to give the gluten free diet a real try. Between anxiety, depression, GERD, IBS, all being possibly helped by gluten freedom as well as it just being generally a healthier diet it seems like at worst a minor lifestyle improvement and at best a major one. Have to give it time of course. I am mostly hoping it helps my GERD and IBS because im still young and dont want to have digestive problems for the rest of my life. Hope I can stick to it.

 

Today was okay, in fact at times pretty good, but tonight has just been completely covered in depression. I have that "want to cry" feeling about nothing in particular. I have found crying spells in depression over the years to be just like vomiting. You shouldn't force them, and the tension of feeling like you have to cry and the nausea that feels like you have to vomit are terrible, but when they come you feel better afterwards. So I won't force it but in my experience if a bout of crying comes even with no obvious thought provoking it, it is very healthy and helpful to let it out.

 

Deinoncote- Let me tell you, symptoms or not, that jump is an awesome feeling! Happy for you:)

Mark- What a difference time makes huh? Remember when symptoms come and doubts fill your mind that time will fix it.

[[pa...]]

day 65 of benzo free.

never ever anticipated that this would be so hard.

got symptomatic immediately after taking benzo and other poisons. has been homebounded for a year now because of this.

imbalance of brain chemical, damage to central nervous system and autonomous nervous system are just killing me now, because i am starting to get my consciousness. suppose to be grateful for this improvement, but it's the other way around.

having so much anger and frustration of how i got into this situation. getting too fearful and anxious for this situation.

still have a lot of severe physical and mental symptoms.

how could anyone live like this for a year with all those nasty and horrendous symptoms?

i do not even remember who i am or how i used to be anymore.

[[re...]]

Deinoncote, I meant to say yesterday--way to go--you're going to make it!

 

Greetings to all -

 

Peace,

 

Rek

[[...]]

Mogeii, I didn't cut out all gluten, but I cut way back and I noticed a difference almost immediately... I've been much better. 

Jaxy, sorry about the job...as you say, time to pack... and welcome to the privileged unemployed... yoga class was great, Friday. )  Had a great day yesterday, so tired today but no pain.

[[Te...]]

Hey guys I got a question, would appreciate some feedback 

 

What are your opinions on really low doses before a jump? Like what is the "threshold" dose for a person with no tolerance to feel effects?

 

I'm at .03mg of clonazepam right now and I'm just curious if this dose is even doing anything besides keeping a minute amount of clonazepam in my system...I'm nervous/excited to finally get off this junk. It's been exactly 10 months since I took that first .5mg pill

 

I'm hoping that I'm one of those people that experiences very little issue with jumping. It's been less than a year so my hopes are high. Things got rough at .5mg and .125mg but I've been doing well since.

 

OK done rambling...hope you all are doing well. Happy fathers day to all the fathers out there 

[[...]]

Terra... wow! So Close   I've heard thtat 02 is a good place to jump... I've wondered why not go to .01 but .02 seems the place most people pick and those that have done a long slow, steady, well paced taper seem to  find the smoothest landings... exceptions are out there but I think you are near the end of this road my friend! ;)Njoy

[[ad...]]

Cut .125 down to 2.75 last week Thursday.  I've had the normal agitation and sick stomach.  Today and tomorrow will be hard because that seems to be when the sx peak. 

[[De...]]

Terra - I'm going to jump from 0.1mg.  I just cut 0.08mg and I've found that I can cut by volume instead of percentage.  So I feel confidant that I will be able to handle jumping from this dose.  I, too, am excited about getting off, but also anxious and a little scared.  I haven't jumped before, so I don't know what it will be like.  But after all this tapering, I AM certain I can handle whatever it brings.  I think you'll know the right thing to do.

 

Mogeii and Rek - thank you for the kind words.  I'm so ready to be done!

 

Pacific Ocean,

We can't know exactly how you feel, but I'm guessing we've all had similar experiences.  Remember that the sxs and feeling crappy are signs that your brain is healing.  You will regain your sense of self.  I did, even in tapering.  I hope it happens soon for you.

[[Ju...]]

Around the "swimming pool" these days it seems to be a case of "if you dont like the weather, wait five minutes" or maybe 36 hours, but you know what I mean. Friday was AWFUL. Today is better. So much gratitude for everyone who reached out when I needed it- Disney Girl, Ellen2012, SkyZone I am glad you are on my team!

 

Ignatious sometimes I really wish I could hand over control of this whole process to a doctor who would take care of me, but so far I havent found that doctor, and I have tried a few. From everything I have learned over the years, I am sure that some of my earlier doctors gave me very bad advice, which is why it took me so many tries to taper. Having found benzobuddies I am more sure that I understand what is happening to me know. Honestly, even if the great Dr. Ashton herself were supervising my taper I am not sure I could let go of the process entirely at this point.

 

Njoy I hear you about time to take care of yourself. With two kids and a job and a house and a husband it can be a bit tricky. So I have decided that the 4 am awake time is going to be "my time". I can read and relax and enjoy it instead of dreading it.

 

Mogeii I totally relate to wanting to hold onto the good days/moments. We are veterans now (according to jaxnj)  so we can do it!!!

 

Jaxnj what happened with your job? I thought you just said they wanted you to do more work and now they dont want you at all? It sounds like you are on the right track with exploring a less volatile career. I think you would be GREAT at counseling people in any regard.

 

Rek no worries about posting the article. The sheer magnitude of what we are up against just was too much for me to handle at that moment. But the other way to look at it is to know that we are absolutely definitely not alone in this problem!

 

For those having good days and getting close to jumping Hopeful Deinoncote, Terra thanks for sharing, you give us all hope!

 

So... what the heck happened to me? Well, I went back and read and reread all the science about klonopin and valium, and my journals and I realized that I felt my BEST at the point in the crossover when the total drug levels were lowest. Valium takes about 10 days to build to its full effect, as all of the metabolites come on board. So right at 10 days- I felt like hell. This provided me with a theory that my brain is just done with benzos and they arent doing what they are supposed to do anymore (i.e. make me feel less anxious). So I went ahead with my planned first valium cut and today the sun is peeking out just a little. Gives me hope that I will continue to feel better throughout the taper. That's my theory for now at least.

 

Something else that happened is I had another conversation with my husband about this whole mess. He said "I dont understand, if you know that everything is fine but you just dont feel well, cant you just tell yourself everything is fine?" To which my immediate response was "you are an insensitive jerk and clearly dont understand me and we need a divorce". But then I gave it some thought. I am very happy with every aspect of my life, except the presence of benzos. If I had a broken leg I could look at it and say, "that hurts, but in a few months it will be better again". I have a broken brain and it really really hurts, but it is not how I feel, it is how benzos feel. I am going to try my hardest to not assimilate this experience as part of ME.

 

Thanks for reading if you made it this far.

Take care everyone!

[[ja...]]

hii..thnx for ur reply...petril is clonazepam......i hv told u abt my history..jst let me knw tht am i on d ryt track of medication.....i am 36 yrs old..i was taking libotryp which has chlorodiopoxide and amitriptyline..i was taking dis medicine for almost 5 yrs..den in d 5th yr i started having side effects...my doctor advised me that i dont need dis drug and shud cm out of it..den i started d course of tappering d drug..my doctor put me on amitop which contains amitriptyline and petril ..i started havinf petril 0.5 in d morning and den at nyt and amitop 1 tab at nyt..nw slowly slowly its been 5 mnths nw..and my medicine has reduced to 1 petril 0.5 at nyt..bt now after tappering it and til d tym i was on petril 0.5 at nyt and 0.25(half tab)in d morning for 40 daz i was comfortable..nw when i stopped morning dose and jst 1 tab of petril 0.5 at nyt i started feeling uncomfortable..like memory loss,darkness in front of eyes,hands legs sleep,heart palpatation not normal...confusion...plz help and advise dat am i going on d ryt track of tappering and how shud i tapper further and r these common side effects and shud i b strong to face it if i hv to get rid of d medicine....thnxxx and waiting for instant reply

 

[[ig...]]

Love your post, JustKeepSwimming--you are very insightful.

The broken bone-broken brain analogy is really spot on. It's truly inspirational.

Love what you thought about saying to your husband.

 

So thoughtful of you..thanks.

All my best,

Ignatious

[[Ho...]]

Hi fellow k buddies,

 

I am 10 weeks off from a 3 month taper of 1.25 mg, 7 years use. I AM WORSE!  The electrode shocks have reduced to pins and needles and headaches have subsided, that's the only improvement. The mental stuff and head symptoms are worse. I got D/R AFTER jumping as well as a crazy all over body pressure.

 

Right now these are my symptoms:

 

pins and needles

Numbness in hands and feet

Inner tremor

Extreme fatigue

Tinnitus

Plugged ears

Very heavy head, feels like its going to explode

Churning, pulsing and pressing inside my head

Dry glassy sore eyes

Dizzy and very disoriented

All over body pressure

Depression

D/R

Obsessive intrusive thoughts

 

Just wondering if anyone's been this bad off at this point, looking for a point of reference.

 

I've heard K-pin being called the big gun, harder than other benzos. Is this true?

I have not driven for 5 mos and been homebound. What the heck?

 

[[ig...]]

Hi Hopeful-One,

did you taper too fast? My experience is that valium is helping--although still on the v, I managed

to get off the k with it and could not have done it without it.

That you call yourself Hopeful-One is awesome.

Reading the success stories helps. We all will heal.

Keep the faith,

Ignatious

[[ja...]]

Morning, all. Jaxnj is in the house. 

 

So here's a tale of the genre "Klonopin Karnage". When I was briefly in Narcotics Anonymous, which I joined literally a day after jumping, they always spoke of this - friends, family, acquaintances we might have hurt in the process. So, silly of me to think that I'd mostly hurt myself.

 

Without further ado, here's what happened. So you guys know that I lost my job again, right, last Friday? So here I am all cocky about how I'm going to find a messload of jobs in the Religious School afternoon/Sunday field. After all, I thought to myself, I have my Masters in Religious Education and 24 years of experience in afternoon/Sunday programs. OK. So, here I go calling people, skipping over the handful where I walked out, was let go, or fell asleep teaching (yup, true).

 

So I thought I was pretty scot-free about people not remembering me drugged out on the Klonopin. I contacted a lot of people yesterday - old classmates from back in the day, principals of friends - and came upon an old sleepaway camp director of mine. I thought, wow - this is really cool, and we know each other! So I emailed her and we set a time to chat yesterday morning.

 

So she goes through this (somewhat cocky) schpiel of hers about her school and how she'd love to have me interview there. But then, at the end, she said she wanted to "clear the air", and proceeded to tell me how she hired me back in 2007, I told her I was moving out of teaching (and told her last-minute) and she found out I was working somewhere else. I WAS FLOORED - I didn't remember any of this!!! Nothing!! How is it that I remember nothing about this?? I was completely mortified. What I should have said was just, "I'm so sorry" but I was so taken aback I just babbled about being overmedicated and a lot of other stuff I probably shouldn't have told her about myself in the last few years. Blah!

 

So I've decided not to teach for her. On the bright side, I had lunch with an old classmate of mine who I've known for over 20 years and she offered me a job right there, after like 45 minutes. So I'm set for Sundays - teaching 7th grade. I'm also waiting for her to get back to me about 3rd grade. So all is not lost, but I was so mortified. My life feels like it's a constant apology sometimes.

 

Anyway, that's all I got for today...hugs to all of you! 

 

 

[[ig...]]

Hi Jaxnj,

glad you got that Sunday job! Congratulations!

 

Your post is very insightful plus you threw some humor in there--that's always welcome.

 

Trying to explain this to people is almost impossible--and ironically, some recipients of our

explanations ARE on Rx drugs, so you never know what's in the first person's medicine cabinet.

 

It's hard when others don't hear what we're saying, isn't it?

 

I'd say you prevailed yesterday and I bet you will be teaching those third graders too.

 

Good day overall, huh?

Yeah.

Ig

 

 

 

[[...]]

glad you found a job in your field, Jaxy... I was thinking the other day when you first mentioned the sales job... "some are too gentle to live among the wolves..." _Hertzog....  but, also... I think if you have a masters in rel. ed w/ just a internship in counseling or chaplaincy, you could extend your options in a few other directions... but I agree, teaching those age groups will be fun...  I don't know what it is w/ us thinking we need to explain everything... but I've learned its almost always...a bad idea... but it does just seem to blurt out.  Oh well....as Ignatious says, we all bear our burdens.  I've come to understand that even those who know you were put on this by docs who never told us what we were in for...classify us as people who routinely misuse drugs for recreational use .  So be it.  They risk getting themselves into the same predicament.  My goals have been, yes, I need for others to understand... but I've also wanted others to know how terrible this stuff is and warn them away.  I was glad to see the new drug info sheets have more info on the effects of the drug and w/d.  Rek, thanks so much for the update on the Pittman paper... I'm glad I participated and glad to read that BB does help... I know some are very wary of reading all the negative... but helped me to understand I was not alone and what I was experiencing was normal for the experience.  hopeful1:  seems like too long to reinstate now, but your sx are reminiscent of sx I experienced after jumping too fast on my earlier tapers and when I cut too much or missed doses early in this one... I'm much more compulsive about my dosing now and things are better.  If you have the fortitude and tolerance for pain and scary mental sx... I applaud all who can move fast through this... slow and steady has worked best for me.  Give yourself the attention you need to get through it and I am "hopeful" that you will.  about saying mean things.. I do it when I become most dispondent... when I think they took a slightly neurotic, a little wired... woman and made her into a hopeless, antisocial, mentally deranged idiot out of her...I think.. this is the real me come back to haunt me... then I remember... I was never like this and there has been progress and I persevere another day.  Good morning all... finally getting my car to a dealer today.  I'm hoping I can get out better when I get my own wheels back... pray for me that it just needs a software update and not a new transmission.  Ugh!     :smitten: :smitten:to all  Njoy

[[ig...]]

Insightful post, Njoy.

That Hertzog quote certainly applies.

Here's hoping your car just needs a small amount of work and that it's returned quickly.

Ig

[[ad...]]

Hi KKlub buddies,

 

Has anyone tried using pot to help with withdrawal symptoms?  It seemed to help a little bit with my headaches, but for the most part, didn't help for the most part.

[[Ho...]]

Hey Ignatious,

 

I am realizing now I got off the K too Quick from all I'm reading. I just did what my pdoc said assuming he knew what was best. I didnt start realizing it until I got worse after I jumped and figured there no point going back now.

 

Anyone else going thru it this bad :'(