The Klonopin Klub

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I had to stay home yesterday because I think I took too much melatonin to help me sleep.  I had taken it before, over 10 years ago, and thought it was a joke.  I gave it a try again and was shocked that I felt tired within a half hour.  I've still been taken hydroxizine 50mg for sleep, but that has seemed to lose it's effectiveness.  Maybe switch off between the two?

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Adam I take Melatonin and find it very effective for sleep... I have found that if i take more than 1 mg, I feel drowsy the next day.  I've added some Mg to the mix and have started sleeping surprisingly well

[[pa...]]

had too many severe symptoms while on klonopin, during taper, and during w/d.

also, have many symptoms that are not severe.

has been 63 days free so far. at this stage, will i continue to have new severe symptoms?

just do not want to face anymore severe new ones. they scare the hell out of me.

bump.

[[ja...]]

Hmm...salt of the earth. Aha! This is why my ankles are always swollen!  I don't know if I've been so steady lately - despite all my attempts to the contrary, I've gotten invested in my job again. My boss is in from Arizona, and she would like to see me start closing things in July. I've got the angel on one shoulder jumping around saying "You can do it! You can do it!"  and on the other shoulder is the devil that says "You suck. You can't hold a job. They're going to find out you're a loser, and it's going to be soon. Might as well be on Facebook all day because they're going to let you go anyway."  If I entertain the angel, I'm going to be working tonight on stuff that could save me (which makes me invested), and if I entertain the devil I'm going to kick back and do nothing but chill (which says that work isn't my life). Maybe - maybe - the world isn't so black and white? Maybe...there are 50 shades of grey? 

 

Also - we're moving 2 weeks from tomorrow and the dust. Is. Monumental. So I'm coughing and sneezing and have some kind of upper respiratory thing going on...

 

Haha, Njoy - I really think my saving grace is my yoga. I don't want to think how I'd be coping without it. It's been almost exactly 3 months since I took on the practice and, although it's difficult, absolutely calms me. I'm thinking that right now I need some meditation too - some affirming meditation.

 

As far as the storm coming, you know me...I'm chasing it. 

 

Hugs, all!

[[Le...]]

As per guys on this board- I'm one! haha. If you couldn't tell by my sports themed user name...

 

So, liquid titration....uhhhh how the hell does that work? I've read about it and still don't understand it. I'm sure you all could offer good information on this! Or someone can message me.

 

Hope everyone doing well. My hands still have tremors all the time, still get cloudy and foggy/disconnected head...but it's going ok!

[[pa...]]

retrived my brain only 50% so far.

when will the rest of the brain will return?

[[ho...]]

pacific ocean,

 

I wish I had the answeres to your questions. As I approach the end of my taper  I wonder the same things. The only thing  I know for sure is: there is no way to predict what will happen. The last 2 weeks I am experiencing sx that I never had before. I know it can be really hard sometimes but I think the best thing we can do for ourselves is not to worry about the days ahead and continue to take it a day at a time. I know ... easier said than done. Especially when part of wd can be depression. I try to remember Parker's paper, What's Happening In Your Brain. Hope I remembered the correct name of the paper, lol. Anyway the paper explains the whys of the sx and that they are in fact healing. For me that takes the fear out of recovery. However I still really just want it all be behind me. I hang on to belief  that

someday it will.

[[re...]]

Good morning, all -

 

NJoy, thanks for your acknowledgment--and I'm glad you had a window there; hope today is another.

 

Jaxy, how are your ankles this morning? 

 

SkyZ, are you off on your trip, or not yet?

 

Others, I hope today is gentle with you.

 

And to everyone, have you seen this?

 

http://www.adaa.org/sites/default/files/Pittman121.pdf

 

It's the published results of the study by Catherine Pittman that we were all invited to participate in--I just found this at another thread.  I haven't had a chance to look closely at it yet, but I glanced over it, and it looks interesting.  I wish there could be more work like this and that it could get more attention in the mainstream than this issue currently does.

 

Take good care of yourselves, all -

 

Peace,

 

Rek

[[In...]]

Rek,

 

Thanks for the link to that important study. I did see the study results awhile back, but I found it helpful to read it again.

 

I suppose "every little bit helps" as far as getting the info "out there" to the public and medical community. I'd surely be interested to know if this study has or will make an impact on ANYONE when one considers the impact of benzos. I would hope that members of BB will be kept informed since the survey was conducted using a direct sample from BB members.

 

Well, all I can say is that the ignorance surrounding benzos is nothing less than STUNNING, and with all the info already out there on the Internet, it's shocking, at least to me.

 

And since this study was conducted on a sample of "already using and trying to withdraw" from benzos, I still often wonder if this group here on BB is so "unusual" in that we have our troubles getting off. I know of people here who are not necessarily having trouble getting off. They just want to go into the process feeling more informed than the info their doctor provides.

 

Well, the days of telling the patient nothing about their newly Rxed medication should be over. And the days of total benzo ignorance by doctors and some pharmacists should be over. And the days of just telling the patient to lop off 1/4 of their benzo every week until off should be over.

 

But this is still a "pipe dream" in so many ways that it's incomprehensible. And frankly, I truly wonder how many of the general population that takes this stuff really has NO trouble just getting off of it. I think that the "statistics " out there are inaccurate, not true, or that a ton of people go through hell doing it, and it never gets into any statistical grouping.

 

Ok, my vent, my opinion, but I do believe what I've just written. I'm thinking of Mark Twain here who said, " Theres lies, damn lies, and then there's statistics". How very true.

 

Intend

[[Ju...]]

The only thing that I liked about the information in that report was seeing the 59% of people who have successfully withdrawn. Thanks to all of you for sticking around to help. Everything else made me want to cry. Just that kind of day I guess.

[[Di...]]

As per guys on this board- I'm one! haha. If you couldn't tell by my sports themed user name...

 

So, liquid titration....uhhhh how the hell does that work? I've read about it and still don't understand it. I'm sure you all could offer good information on this! Or someone can message me.

 

Hope everyone doing well. My hands still have tremors all the time, still get cloudy and foggy/disconnected head...but it's going ok!

 

Me too.  I'd love to understand more about it.

[[Ju...]]

I am trying to stand outside and observe and know that with valium comes more depression... but ... today... is ... really .... hard

And it makes me feel lonely to know that I cant talk to my doctor about this because she thinks it is me not the meds. I will stick it out, I am just so so so so so sad right now.

 

All Roads To The River

by Janis Ian/Jon Vezner

 

I am master and slave

I am sunlight and shadow

I am all roads to the river

I am lost, I am saved

I am beloved and betrayed

All roads to the river

 

And the river runs wide

The river runs deep

I spit in the eye of safe company

When I dive right down

to the undertow,

the deeper I drown,

the higher I go

[[Di...]]

Hang in there JKS.

[[ig...]]

Hang in there, JustKeepSwimming.

I am wondering if you tapered too fast?

Your doctor should understand your problem. That's his/her job.

 

Hang in there and read some success stories on this site. Inspiring.

 

Ignatious

 

 

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JKS: the depression is your brain wanting you to take more... and it wants you to be less anxious about it... don't listen..in some ways depression has been my worst sx because I beat myself up the most w/ it.  I've decided its not reall depression but a total lack of energy due to the anxiety which is always there and the amount of energy it takes to rebuild those receptors.  Just rest and don't feel bad about it.  When you're able to get back up, you will.  Only we truly know what this experience is and it is a very lonely one... you have to learn to pamper yourself..  I know, probably harder for you guys but rest and don't fight it, you are only fighting yourself.  "Sorrow is joy moments let pass." _me

[[ho...]]

After 2 weeks of feeling pretty crappy ( benzo flu, sore throat and a terrible base of the skull headache last night ) I am having a wonderful day today. So grateful for this window! I got outside and planted more flowers then sat and watched the wrens come and go from the houses I painted and hung for them a while back.

 

Wishing wide open windows for Everyone

 

hopeful2013

 

 

[[Di...]]

Hang in there, JustKeepSwimming.

I am wondering if you tapered too fast?

Your doctor should understand your problem. That's his/her job.

 

Hang in there and read some success stories on this site. Inspiring.

 

Ignatious

 

Oh my goodness.  I hadn't looked that closely at JKS taper schedule.  You are probably correct.

[[Ju...]]

Thanks all for the outpouring of support. I know that this is very drug related and very temporary (I have it right there in my sig that things were great not long ago!!). I've just never experienced this kind of crushing sadness. It has always been anxiety for me, so I feel the weight of the unknown.

 

I followed the Ashton protocol for the valium crossover, at least for the rate but not the equivalents because many have noted that it is worth experimenting to see what is right for an individual within a 1:10 to 1:20 range. I am sticking to my plan and doing my first valium cut this weekend. Maybe the depression will start to lift.

 

Ignatious- I agree that it would be better if I had a doc who could totally understand, but in my experience they want to deal with every symptom by adding more meds... which is how I have been on this rollercoaster so long. I want to do my best this time to deal with what comes and see if things get better without benzos. You guys are a big part of that equation, so 

[[el...]]

Hi JKS,

 

When I originally went to the psychiatrist who put me on k, he wanted to give me a script for an AD.  I refused it, and he said that's OK because people cycle in and out of depression    I wish he would have give me more info on the benzo too.

 

I'm sure you will feel better in time.  I do go in and out of depression with the taper.

 

Ellen

[[Ju...]]

Thanks Ellen. As a point of reference my current doc wanted me to switch all at once from k to v! I was just happy she was open to the idea of a Valium taper at all so I had to do the best transition I could with the amount of klonopin I had left.

 

Happy window to you hopeful

 

Even with all of this, I still feel better (more sleep, less anxious) than I did trying to direct taper klonopin. Perspective perspective perspective!

[[Sk...]]

I know the depression can get bad at time for most of us.  I had a bout of it today.  It was not good.  I live through it though. 

 

-SZ-

[[Mo...]]

heyyy klub,

 

Well my window lasted 2 days. It wasn't my longest or best window but I was 90% symptoms free, but I chose to be kind of flippant about feeling good and didn't take advantage of it I feel. Yesterday and today have been moving days and yesterday was a bad morning and night, while today was a bad morning, evening, and a pretty bad night tonight. I THINK I am having a non benzo related stomach issue yet again. I know I have IBS, and am prone to indigestion but today's chest and stomach pains have been stinging. Usually I get sharp or crampy. Feels like wasps are stinging the walls of my chest and stomach . Again don't think it's w/d related since the stinging has come with or without anxiety and is not responsive to my mood. However this wave has brought stuff to pile on top of my stomach issues. First off bad dreams have returned last night along with headaches. The headaches seem to be my most reliable symptom during the start of waves. They range from minor to moderate but all last a couple hours and go away without treatment. A symptom I haven't had in awhile that has returned is sweating. Moving in the Florida sun of course made me sweat like a pig, but tonight I have been in the AC for 4 hours and I am still sweating like a pig. Anxiety is here but honestly it's just coming along with the symptoms and not stand alone. Stinging pains in your chest and sweating create anxiety no matter how sure you are that you aren't having heart issues. Depression is back but fairly mild, it could ramp up but i'm a veteran at that so no worries. All in all if my stomach relaxes in the coming days I am ready and willing to deal with another wave. Here's hoping my stomach is just extra acidy because of the moving. Stay well friends.

[[Hu...]]

Hey,

 

I don't know if it was from the fist oil omega3 supplement, I tried 2 days or just bad wave. But few days ago I tried some strong omega3 and the past few days have been hell on earth with my symptoms. I decided to not continue to take them anymore. But anyway, you know sometimes you have like 8/10 of your symptoms same time.. it's been like that few days for me. I have even felt pretty depressed.. I usually don't feel depressed this much that you just can't take it and cry for hours and feeling the impending doom. Hope I will get some window soon.

Anyway, have someone else felt bad after omega3 or some other supplement ?

 

One thing I have noticed, I would like to share. When I started to taper monthly I have begin to notice one very negative thing I really don't like and it's affecting bad to my life. I started to notice that I don't go outside much anymore.. And I start to avoid all daily chores I did without problems half a year ago. When I try to think why I don't go to anywhere.. I just cant find the answer.. it's like I have zero motivation to do stuff I did earlier.. I know this 90% is withdrawal related thing.. I just find it depressing cause I always was very outgoing person and even if I had bad day I still called to my friends and went to visit someone. Now I just wait and wait and wait till the day is over and I can finally go to sleep. it's not like this everyday but still I feel like I don't want to make my family worried more than they already are about my situation, but it seems there is not much I can do about this right not.. I don't want to force myself to go out.

Anyone have some experience about that feel free to share

 

I'm not going to take more pills. I have had enough with being zombie past 9 years. I will see this tapering plan thru. There is no 3rd option.. it's continue to take pills and make it worse or stop and maybe make it better for my future. I'm lucky I have pretty stubborn personality that I'm not gonna give up that easily.

 

HPC

[[Mo...]]

hmm Humanpincushion, I have never had a problem with omega 3s or fish oils. Withdrawal makes us hypersensitive to everything especially chemical changes. Omega 3s are really good for you long term, so maybe give it a break and next time you have a window try a different type? As for your not going anywhere there are two sides to that. My personal feeling is if you are fatigued, in pain, panicked or just plain sick because of w/d not going out is fine and probably good for you. If you have a flu you don't go out, w/d is often worse than a flu so who cares if you need to be home a lot during it. The other side is when windows come, being a vegetable can cause some negativity. Maybe not even during the window, but during your next wave you will look back and feel you wasted time and energy. I did that recently even though I knew I would regret it. So if you feel fine but have no motivation, a little forcing yourself to get out could really benefit you. If you are feeling poorly and have no motivation there is nothing wrong with staying in and trying to relax. The difficulty I think people find is with their friends/family. 1 day you are out and normal and the next day they expect the same but you simply are not able to function. That is hard for people not going through it to understand and even can seem stupid to them. We all wish they didn't judge like that, but to be fair most of us have an unpleasant interaction with someone and immediately judge them instead of thinking maybe there is something going on that justifies their attitude. Regardless whatever you choose to do is correct.

[[ja...]]

Hi Gals/Guys, good Saturday morning to all of you

 

Mogeii and JKS, I'm wishing you guys well today. You are more or less veterans of the Klub at this point, and as always the two of you are in touch with your sxs and know how to handle them. Njoy is making a good point~

 

JKS: the depression is your brain wanting you to take more... and it wants you to be less anxious about it... don't listen..in some ways depression has been my worst sx because I beat myself up the most w/ it.  I've decided its not reall depression but a total lack of energy due to the anxiety which is always there and the amount of energy it takes to rebuild those receptors.  Just rest and don't feel bad about it.  When you're able to get back up, you will. Only we truly know what this experience is and it is a very lonely one... you have to learn to pamper yourself..  I know, probably harder for you guys but rest and don't fight it, you are only fighting yourself.  "Sorrow is joy moments let pass." _me

 

I remember when Rek (hi Rek!) was fighting all these symptoms somewhere in the Fall of last year. She experimented with a lot of things and ultimately found that warm baths, deep breathing and meditation were helpful (I think, Rek, right?) Meditation was also my saving grace. OK, so I felt goofy my first couple of times...and then the mind wanders to happy places. I used it to consciously relax my twitching muscles, mostly in my right leg and neck. It helped, really it did. I've mentioned that I bring meditation into my yoga classes now - maybe one of the good lasting effects of successful withdrawal.

 

So...I wish I wasn't typing this right now. I lost my job again. Again!! So now I know it's me, not them (it was my boss's magenta hair! I know it was!  ). 6 jobs in 3 years. What kills me is that when I wasn't medicated for bipolar disorder, and when I was still on Klonopin, I was able to hold a job!  So, now what?

 

18 years ago, I got a MA in Religious Education. I was the principal of a couple of schools, and then quit that in 2001 and went into sales/customer service. I was a 10-hour a week Religious School teacher, though, until I got married in 2011. So...I think I'm going to go back to it. I have to gear myself up, write something of a resume, think about God and the whole bit. Takes a mind-shift, and it's SO hard to admit failure. But, my magenta-haired boss was saying the same thing my sequined-top boss said in March - "have you ever done sales before?" I just can't believe I really, truly failed.  :'( Those of you who remember the crap-hole I was in last year - honestly, I think that broke me and I never recovered. Crap, crap, crap.

 

The only good part is that we're moving in less than 2 weeks, and I can pack because I'll be home. I'll give the cats more attention, I'll do lots of yoga, I'll decorate the new place...there is a small chance that I'll go back and work for the same company in a research capacity, which I would LOVE, but who knows.

 

Anyway...I think I'll put that resume together. Windows and windows, my friends!