You will heal too!

[[ce...]]

Hello Hopefulgirl.  I love your name. Hope is essential in wd. Stay hopeful! 

 

Pacific, I'm working on that sleep list again.  Can't seem to find it.  I've shared it before, but it's gotten lost in the shuffle.

[Guest [CM...]]

Cedar, I'm doing really well, life more or less is back to normal.

Days filled with a lot more gratitude. I'm almost 2.5 years off. June 10th actually.

Wow have things changed. I plan to write a success story very soon.

I'm certain that if you and I healed, everyone can heal.

This was the most difficult thing I've ever experienced.

Thank God I decided to stick it out and stay alive.

I'm grateful to my buddies here who kept me going on those long dark desperate painful days.

Sending love, hope and prayers to all healing.

Giving thanks to buddies like you for continuing to provide support.

Melo

Xo

 

[[pa...]]

Pacific, I'm working on that sleep list again.  Can't seem to find it.  I've shared it before, but it's gotten lost in the shuffle.

 

thank you so much cedartree.

btw, is l-theanie safe to take?

if so, what kind and what dosage should i take?

[[ce...]]

Pacific, I'm working on that sleep list again.  Can't seem to find it.  I've shared it before, but it's gotten lost in the shuffle.

 

thank you so much cedartree.

btw, is l-theanie safe to take?

if so, what kind and what dosage should i take?

Not sure about l-theanine. I dont' know anything about it.  Maybe start a thread? 

 

Okay, a brief breakdown of my sleep habits list..........

 

1. No naps during the day, ever.  (at least while your'e healing as it will rob you of your routine and nighttime sleep)

2. Go to bed at the same time every night and wake up at the same time every morning (weekends included).

3. No TV, computers, etc. 1 hour before bed.  Read a book or just rest before falling asleep.

4. No lights in the room at night. No computer lights, cell phone lights, etc.  It disturbs sleep. 

5. A warm bath to relax before bed.

6. Exercise when you can. Exercise helps you sleep better.

7. No caffeine or alcohol.

8. Eat a healthy whole foods diet. Diet can radically disturb or promote sleep.

9. Don't add other drugs. Allow your body to sleep naturaly.

10. Spend time praying and or meditating.

 

Those are all I can think of right now. Implementing any or all should help restore better sleep.  It helped me a substantially.

 

Lots of love! 

 

 

[[pa...]]

 

thank you so much cedartree.

btw, is l-theanie safe to take?

if so, what kind and what dosage should i take?

Not sure about l-theanine. I dont' know anything about it.  Maybe start a thread? 

 

Okay, a brief breakdown of my sleep habits list..........

 

1. No naps during the day, ever.  (at least while your'e healing as it will rob you of your routine and nighttime sleep)

never took a nap before or after benzo.

2. Go to bed at the same time every night and wake up at the same time every morning (weekends included).

this is tricky. not having enough sleep yet. a lot of times, i am just awake whole night. if i am really sleep deprived for many days, my body will fall a sleep around 5;00am for 2 to 3 hours. and, it's almost to get out of bed right away. have to linger in a bed for few more hours(wide awake but damn tired.) before getting up.ugh.

also, have this clocked night mare of tourture every night. it kind a ease out between 11:00pm~1:00am. when it eases out, so exhausted mentally/physically. but, will practice.

3. No TV, computers, etc. 1 hour before bed.  Read a book or just rest before falling asleep.

still can't watch TV. try to sleep or rest many times. jumping in and out of bed a lot. to pass the time, i read a book. but, do not fully understand the content.

4. No lights in the room at night. No computer lights, cell phone lights, etc.  It disturbs sleep.

all the lights are out except for this meditation music that suppose to help me to sleep. also need this music to distract this loud sizzling sound that i have in the brain.

5. A warm bath to relax before bed.

do not know when to take a bath yet, because of this regular tourture at night. starts around 7~9:00pm and starts to ease out around 11~1;00am. after this, too exhausted to do anything. ugh.

6. Exercise when you can. Exercise helps you sleep better.

has been doing is whenever i can. even it's only 10~15 minutes of walk around the block. lately, having this extreme fatigue and depression. was not able to do much.7. No caffeine or alcohol.

do not drink caffeine or alcohol

8. Eat a healthy whole foods diet. Diet can radically disturb or promote sleep.

has been doing it for a while. lately, lost an appetite and have bloated GI. very hard to eat now.

9. Don't add other drugs. Allow your body to sleep naturaly.

used benadryl once in a while, but not too much. used it about 6 times in a month. do not take any other drugs except vitamin C or magnesium(occassionally.).

will try l-theanie tonight.

10. Spend time praying and or meditating.

yes. go to church almost everyday. that is if i can. i meditate at least 4 hours a day. (when i try to fall a sleep with meditation music. it's 4 and half hours long.)

Those are all I can think of right now. Implementing any or all should help restore better sleep.  It helped me a substantially.

will start practicing. love ya cedartree.

Lots of love! 

 

[[Ja...]]

Just an update: almost 7 1/2 months out. Good days are getting even better. Lousy days with vibrations and muscle and nerve pain have slightly improved, but are still disturbing and I wind up in a chemical depressed mood. I can't seem to get out of it and have to wait until it passes. My husband, my friend and my social worker tell me I have greatly improved, but these setbacks make me feel that these symptoms will never leave me. I am totally frustrated and down. I know that I need to change my way of thinking, but I am having a hard time. This roller coaster ride is getting to me.

[[ce...]]

Jazzy, you are 7 months benzo free which is such a great start.  You've noticed improvements, that's also wonderful. I was still feeling pretty miserable at 7 months off.  For some people it takes a good solid year to get feeling back to normal.  It sounds like you have a terrific support system which many people don't have.  Keep holding on to all of those positive things. I know that depression is a monster and its not merciful which is why we literally do have to fight it.  There are so many ways to fight this.  One of the most powerful ways I have learned is to only speak positively about my life, healing and situation.  If we constantly say out loud we are going to be sick and depressed forever, the liklihood of being sick and depressed the rest of our lives is great.  If you say out loud that you are doing great, feeling better everyday, that you are strong, happy, etc. you will be. We don't understand the power we have over our lives by the way we think and speak about it. 

 

I used to be a very negative speaking person. Everything was I'm so depressed, I'm going to die, I'm not going to make it, I'll never be normal again, my life is shit, etc.  And, at that time all of those statements were true for me.  When I began to only look at the good things, focus on what I was grateful for, and speak out loud how happy and blessed I was, things turned around radically. The life I have now is not the same life I had then.

 

Try it, see what happens.  What do you have to lose?

[[Ja...]]

tx you Cedartree. I will try that. I keep feeling that healing is around the cornor, but it keeps avoiding me. I will try and meet up with it.

[[Go...]]

Cedar

 

You continue to be an inspiration to me and your story gives me hope.  Today I am at 2.44 mg of Valium and I am continuing to use daily taper of .04 mg to det there.  I hoped to feel better by now but maybe I have to run this thing all the way out.  My upper back pain and shoulder burning and headache are not as bad as at 5 and 6 mg but still pretty challenging.  Even though that has let up it was replaced with the foot pain and muscle cramping and I am noticing my hair thinning and muscle wasting.  Does that seem to track?  Should I be concerned or just move on.  I did think about switching to cut and hold but am just too scared to make a change.  There could be benefits or things could get worse.  I am just moving forward and hoping to be done in early August.

 

Thanks again for blazing the trail,

 

Golden

[[Mo...]]

thanks for giving me hope , i'm 7 months off and still housebound. it is so good to read someone'success story. i am really happy for your healing. best wishes claudia

[Guest [CM...]]

Cedar,

Excellent advice about the negative self-talk and staying positive.

I say I started to see BIG changes when I stopped hating myself and praying to die. I started praying to live and things changed!

I moved from victim mode, after two long years, to being an advocate for myself and self love.

Things shifted!

Lots of love

Melo x

[[ce...]]

Cedar

 

You continue to be an inspiration to me and your story gives me hope.  Today I am at 2.44 mg of Valium and I am continuing to use daily taper of .04 mg to det there.  I hoped to feel better by now but maybe I have to run this thing all the way out.  My upper back pain and shoulder burning and headache are not as bad as at 5 and 6 mg but still pretty challenging.  Even though that has let up it was replaced with the foot pain and muscle cramping and I am noticing my hair thinning and muscle wasting.  Does that seem to track?  Should I be concerned or just move on.  I did think about switching to cut and hold but am just too scared to make a change.  There could be benefits or things could get worse.  I am just moving forward and hoping to be done in early August.

 

Thanks again for blazing the trail,

 

Golden

Golden, you are so amazing!  Your muscles will come back and my hair got better when I was off benzo's too.  Drugs and poor diet are often responsible for hair loss.  It should get better, mine did.

 

Stay strong my friend!!!   

[[ce...]]

thanks for giving me hope , i'm 7 months off and still housebound. it is so good to read someone'success story. i am really happy for your healing. best wishes claudia

Ahhh, Claudia.  I'm so sorry to hear this, but I really do understand.  Try to keep pressing forward, you will heal too. 

 

Lots of love,

Cedar 

[[ce...]]

Melo!  You are awesome.  My life changed completely too when I stopped praying for death and prayed for life.  I made a decision to live and I'm so glad I did.  So happy to stopped by today!!! 

 

[[st...]]

Having a really hard time. Thank you so much again for  your encouragement and for being the ray of sunshine that we all need. I feel that my family isn't waiting for me anymore. They got used to me not being around during family events. No more babysitting or visits to "grandma's house" either. And now it's the "norm". I've been tapering Xanax since oct. 5th. Two more cuts to go and it doesn't get easier although my family thinks it should.Im' feeling sorry for myself today! I am so grateful that I have this site to come to and your thread is a life saver, Cedar. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

Stevie

[[ce...]]

Having a really hard time. Thank you so much again for  your encouragement and for being the ray of sunshine that we all need. I feel that my family isn't waiting for me anymore. They got used to me not being around during family events. No more babysitting or visits to "grandma's house" either. And now it's the "norm". I've been tapering Xanax since oct. 5th. Two more cuts to go and it doesn't get easier although my family thinks it should.Im' feeling sorry for myself today! I am so grateful that I have this site to come to and your thread is a life saver, Cedar. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

Stevie

Hey Stevie. This is all temporary I promise. Please don't think that your family has given up on you.  They are just living their lives the best they can without you until you get better.  They will still be there when you're ready to joint the party.  I missed so many birthdays and holidays that I'll never get back too.  But I'm making up for them all in spades now!  Something to look forward to.  Your family loves you and will be ready to bring you back in when you're feeling better.  You're so close to being off!  Congratulations!! All this hard work is going to pay off I promise. 

[[Go...]]

Cedar

 

I am wondering if you can comment about where you jumped and what that was like for you.  I am still a little ways away but I am really focused on getting to the end.  I am 96% done with my taper.  It has been a long 20+ months. 

 

I am thinking about jumping from .5 or .25 mg of Valium.  I know uyou did cut and hold and you tapered Ativan. So it would be different for me.

 

Anything you can share would be helpful.

 

Thanks

 

Golden

[[ce...]]

Hello Golden. 

 

I was so excited and so relieved about getting off benzo's.  It was hell the entire time I tapered, so I was just really grateful to finally be free from it. The pain and symptoms didn't all immediately disappear, but I did notice a lot of healing in the first week I came off benzo's and it just kept improving from there.  I'm really happy for you that your long taper is almost over.  I personally believe that the real healing only takes place once you finally get off benzo's for good. 

 

Wishing you health and happiness!! 

 

Cedar

[[Sk...]]

Hello Golden. 

 

I was so excited and so relieved about getting off benzo's.  It was hell the entire time I tapered, so I was just really grateful to finally be free from it. The pain and symptoms didn't all immediately disappear, but I did notice a lot of healing in the first week I came off benzo's and it just kept improving from there.  I'm really happy for you that your long taper is almost over. I personally believe that the real healing only takes place once you finally get off benzo's for good. 

 

Wishing you health and happiness!! 

 

Cedar

  I can't wait! 

 

-SZ-

[[ce...]]

Hey SZ!  Happy you stopped by.  Hope you're doing well with your taper.  You are amazing!! 

[[Sk...]]

Hey SZ!  Happy you stopped by.  Hope you're doing well with your taper.  You are amazing!! 

Thank You, Cedar. 

 

-SZ-

[[Ho...]]

Hi Cedar, your story is one I am hanging onto bigtime! One of the moderators told me to read it early on when I was bedbound for several mos. (Still am). I cling to every word.

 

I have not read the entire thread so I apologize if this has been addressed already. I am dealing with constant obsessive thoughts and worries I awake in the morning and my mind starts obsessing about the past, yearning for days gone by when my kids were little, then I shift to worries of the future, crazy thought intertwined throughout. My mind simply won't stay in the present, there is NO peace at all. I developed D/R right after I jumped too which adds to the feelings of insanity. I also have very deep deprssive symptoms on top of it.

 

My thinking has been like this to a degree for years, now I believe since tolerance, but much worse since I jumped. My friends say I am a whole different person since drugs. It has been so long but I really don't remember struggling with my thought life before.

 

Did you have D/R and obsessive thinking? Did your personality change? I so want to be "normal", whatever that may be for me. I was happy and well adjusted, then, BAM! I am just this week realizing how much I changed. Can you relate to any of this?

 

You are amazing to keep coming back after all this time. We are all so blessed to have you. You are my benzo idol, I want to come back like you and give!

[[...]]

OK CEDER ok every boddy 100 percent healed now, thx for you all and fore you cedar you did help me alot and for every body its going away iam now me 100 percent after this hell iwas at iam gonna wait little fore my success story so iam sure nothing change

[[re...]]

Hoda, that's awesome to hear!  Good for you.    :)   And thank you for stopping by to share your encouraging update with everyone. 

 

 

 

 

Redeemed

[[ce...]]

Hi Cedar, your story is one I am hanging onto bigtime! One of the moderators told me to read it early on when I was bedbound for several mos. (Still am). I cling to every word.

 

I have not read the entire thread so I apologize if this has been addressed already. I am dealing with constant obsessive thoughts and worries I awake in the morning and my mind starts obsessing about the past, yearning for days gone by when my kids were little, then I shift to worries of the future, crazy thought intertwined throughout. My mind simply won't stay in the present, there is NO peace at all. I developed D/R right after I jumped too which adds to the feelings of insanity. I also have very deep deprssive symptoms on top of it.

 

My thinking has been like this to a degree for years, now I believe since tolerance, but much worse since I jumped. My friends say I am a whole different person since drugs. It has been so long but I really don't remember struggling with my thought life before.

 

Did you have D/R and obsessive thinking? Did your personality change? I so want to be "normal", whatever that may be for me. I was happy and well adjusted, then, BAM! I am just this week realizing how much I changed. Can you relate to any of this?

You are amazing to keep coming back after all this time. We are all so blessed to have you. You are my benzo idol, I want to come back like you and give!

Hopeful-One, stay hopeful.  I can relate to every single word of this.  I was fearful I would never be normal again, but soon I realized that these symptoms were very common for many people coming off benzo's.  Its horrible when you are going through it, but this is temporary I can assure you.

 

It looks like you did a very rapid taper off of Klonopin and your last dose was .125 mgs K.  (.125 mgs K=2.5 mgs Valium which is still a very high dose.) You've only been off benzo's for a few months which is still very early on.  I was absolutely miserable at this early stage and fighting wd.  Give yourself a good year or more.  I was pretty lucky and was feeling 100% at 10 months off.  Who knows, you could be too.  Are you taking Seroquel still?  If so, that could be causing many symptoms too. Just something to consider.

 

I really hope you get some good rest.  You've been through a lot and its such a victory to be benzo free.  That's the first key step to healing, getting off of it safely.

 

Lots of love! 

 

Cedar