Tapering off Ativan Support Thread

[[Co...]]

Cosmic - you will be off before 2016! Lol. I'm sorry everything sucks so badly. My last wave was horrendous, as you know, but it passed. I wasn't capable of "talking myself out of it". Sometimes you just have to let your thoughts "be". Easier said than done? YES. But practice makes perfect. That dreamy state you talk about is DP/DR, nothing to be afraid of. There isn't much you can do when the terror/anxiety hits....all you can do is accept it. Ridiculous, right? YES. These drugs are digging their claws in because you keep reducing and they know you're winning. You're doing it 

 

Kiddo. I generally do accept these thoughts. I try to let them by but then they get stronger and more powerful, even when I'm aware and observing without identifying with them. The thoughts laugh at me (literally), as if being mindful is a joke to them. Ugh, lol. Gonna be funny when I explain this one to my therapist.

[[La...]]

I can't help it but i feel helpless and it drives me insane that due to this I don't have any "control". That loss of control is very hard for me to grasp. I don't have any say in my anxiety? Or the flashbacks, or the zoning out, and all that? Is there anything that cognitive behavioural therapy can help with regarding these symptoms? Or is there really NOTHING that I can do, because it's benzo related.

 

There are things you can do. CBT, a set of techniques, is but one of them. And yes they should help you cope with the anxiety, hypochondriasis, DP/DR, etc. It is not a magic bullet that will silence the horridness. But the coping mechanisms will help you to stop escalating/feeding them into larger monsters than they have to be.  Like going down the "what if...." rabitt hole.

 

Laser, did you work throughout your taper? Yes. Have you taken cbt and found it to be helpful? Yes, very helpful. Have you ever tried the Mindfulness approach? Yes, mindful meditation, excellent. I find Mindfulness to be exceptionally helpful regarding the intrusive thoughts but sometimes I just zone out hard and my brain  glitches out into fear mode. I wish I could taper as fast as you did at this point but I just cannot. It is too difficult for me.

[[Sa...]]

Cosmic - you will be off before 2016! Lol. I'm sorry everything sucks so badly. My last wave was horrendous, as you know, but it passed. I wasn't capable of "talking myself out of it". Sometimes you just have to let your thoughts "be". Easier said than done? YES. But practice makes perfect. That dreamy state you talk about is DP/DR, nothing to be afraid of. There isn't much you can do when the terror/anxiety hits....all you can do is accept it. Ridiculous, right? YES. These drugs are digging their claws in because you keep reducing and they know you're winning. You're doing it 

 

Kiddo. I generally do accept these thoughts. I try to let them by but then they get stronger and more powerful, even when I'm aware and observing without identifying with them. The thoughts laugh at me (literally), as if being mindful is a joke to them. Ugh, lol. Gonna be funny when I explain this one to my therapist.

 

Cosmic I'm sorry you're having such a rough time...Kiddos advice is exactly what I'd say to you...and I've said to her! It's not easy giving yourself up to this process and accepting the thoughts. It's the only way I knew to cope- know it's the drug and not you. The mental part of this is far more challenging in my opinion, because it's nonstop- at least it's been for me.

 

You'll be off before 2016 although I know some days you don't feel like it's happening. Look how far you've come already! You are doing this! Please stop being so hard on yourself, you're doing great

 

Saga

[[wa...]]

Saga-I'm doing uneven dosing also. Just because I started out that way before I started going off Lorazepam. I never needed as much in the day as morning and night.  I'm very worried how to use the scale because of that reason.. I can not divide my dose by 4 or 5  like Kiddo does. Wished I could it would be much easier. I will use 0.5 mg pills and not use my 1mgs so that should help I would think. My husbands mind is not sharp and mine is sure not together. So that is why I'm worried about figuring it out on the scale. Does anybody have any advice for me? My husband is almost 70. He was on a very small amount of Lorazepam .25 then .125 mg for 2 years . He just finished going off a few weeks ago. He started taking it because he was having a hard time excepting me having 2 rare liver diseases, he is my caretaker. It's not too bad now but will be too much as I get worse. I hope I die of something else before my liver goes into cirrhosis.  Sorry maybe I have said too much on this thread.

We all must do the best we can.

[[wa...]]

Cosmic------- I'm sorry your having such a rough time of it. I read your post and feel a lot like you do at times. I have always had to take care of everything and everybody in my family . So I felt  I was  loosing control big time and could not  find my way back. I did not want to live. That happened to me in June. I wanted to be admitted to the psych hospital it was so bad. But I worked very hard through the help of doctors . I was taught ways to cope and change my thinking. It does not always work right away but it is a start. I know when I get to that bad point I forget everything I learnt .I'm in that deep black hole. I do understand . I was hoping to be off benzo soon ,now I'm looking at 2015. My doctor said it does not matter how long it takes you ,you will get off.

 

Can anyone tell me about what these words mean I  hear you talk about them.....  wave.......window.......updose  DP/DR or any others  I don't know since I'm new here.    Be Strong !

[[Ki...]]

Hi Warrior - DP/DR means Depersonalization/Derealization. It is often a side effect of the drug or a symptom of withdrawal. You've likely experienced it and didn't know what it was called. A wave is an onslaught or increase in symptoms for "x" amount of time. A window is the opposite, a complete feeling of calm and peace and a return to your pre-benzo state. An updose is when people are really struggling with symptoms and they feel they aren't manageable. In this case someone will updose back to the last dose they were stable at and hold for a "x" amount of time and then continue on with their taper again. 

[[wa...]]

I thought that is what a couple of them meant. Yes I have experienced all of them. Baby steps, I'll get it. It's hard to teach an old dog new tricks.  LOL  now if I can call in the troops for scale using with uneven doses I should be in business . I paced the floor like there was no tomorrow this am and cried and felt hopeless. I just started Medicare and all the insurance has changed. It should be easier to deal with and cheaper as you age but it sure is the opposite. Sorry for the rant.

[[Ki...]]

Hi Warrior - Are you currently dosing 3x a day? Are you wanting to even out your doses? Let me know and than we can come up with a plan 

[[Sa...]]

Saga-I'm doing uneven dosing also. Just because I started out that way before I started going off Lorazepam. I never needed as much in the day as morning and night.  I'm very worried how to use the scale because of that reason.. I can not divide my dose by 4 or 5  like Kiddo does. Wished I could it would be much easier. I will use 0.5 mg pills and not use my 1mgs so that should help I would think. My husbands mind is not sharp and mine is sure not together. So that is why I'm worried about figuring it out on the scale. Does anybody have any advice for me? My husband is almost 70. He was on a very small amount of Lorazepam .25 then .125 mg for 2 years . He just finished going off a few weeks ago. He started taking it because he was having a hard time excepting me having 2 rare liver diseases, he is my caretaker. It's not too bad now but will be too much as I get worse. I hope I die of something else before my liver goes into cirrhosis.  Sorry maybe I have said too much on this thread.

We all must do the best we can. 

Dear Warrior,

Giving you a big hug....I'm very sorry about the liver disease...that must be such a burden...more stress on too of everything else.

 

I just want to say I've looked at your signature and you're fine! Don't worry about the scale. Many people over many years have come off these medicines without a scale or a ton of precision. It can be doe and has been done for a very long time.

 

Your doses are fine as far as I'm concerned! Your dose timing is also very good. Its spread out enough. All you need to do is to slowly lower those doses. I would suggest working on the two higher amounts, and let the lower ones go for now.

 

I just want to encourage you this is not impossible. I simply used a razor blade to divide my pills for a long time without worrying too much about the doses and I was fine.

 

Rant away about the insurance and the worrying. Life becomes complicated at times, when you're stressed it all seems worse. I'm sorry you've had such a tough morning. I hope the day gets better

 

Saga

[[No...]]

 

HI everyone, I wonder if any of you ever slept more than 6hours / night on a regular basis with Ativan (0,5mg or less) even when stable ? Questioning the half life of the drug. Is it just me or every body has the same sleep issue with Ativan ?

[[Co...]]

 

HI everyone, I wonder if any of you ever slept more than 6hours / night on a regular basis with Ativan (0,5mg or less) even when stable ? Questioning the half life of the drug. Is it just me or every body has the same sleep issue with Ativan ?

 

I've gone everywhere from sleeping for 10 hours to 1 hour

[[Ki...]]

Nolan - I sleep really well. Usually 8-10 hours, with some light tossing and turning. Did you have sleep issues before Ativan?

[[Co...]]

Nolan - I sleep really well. Usually 8-10 hours, with some light tossing and turning. Did you have sleep issues before Ativan?

 

Kiddo that's without medication?

[[No...]]

Kiddo before Ativan I did not have sleep issue. I Take them in the first place to sleep "on demand" during my exams. Just for that otherwise i used to be a big sleeper. 9 to 10h

 

And usually I cannot sleep more than 6 or sometimes 6h30 if i Take 0,5mg

 

In april when i was 2 month off Ativan (before reinstating Ativan because of crazy work at my new house with my father) i slept sometimes 7H and even one time 9H00. And it had not happen before since I Tapered for the 1st time last year at 1,5mg

[[No...]]

Kiddo you are really Lucky for being able to sleep between 8-10 hours ! If i could slept that more I won't even bother about the other benzo withdrawal symptoms at ALL !

[[Ki...]]

Nolan and Cosmic - yes, it's true. I sleep that long, without medication. I don't talk about it a lot because I know how many people struggle with sleep issues. I feel guilty, but ever so grateful, to be able to still sleep well. I hope it stay with me throughout my taper.

[[Co...]]

Cosmic------- I'm sorry your having such a rough time of it. I read your post and feel a lot like you do at times. I have always had to take care of everything and everybody in my family . So I felt  I was  loosing control big time and could not  find my way back. I did not want to live. That happened to me in June. I wanted to be admitted to the psych hospital it was so bad. But I worked very hard through the help of doctors . I was taught ways to cope and change my thinking. It does not always work right away but it is a start. I know when I get to that bad point I forget everything I learnt .I'm in that deep black hole. I do understand . I was hoping to be off benzo soon ,now I'm looking at 2015. My doctor said it does not matter how long it takes you ,you will get off.

 

Can anyone tell me about what these words mean I  hear you talk about them.....  wave.......window.......updose  DP/DR or any others  I don't know since I'm new here.    Be Strong !

 

Yeah. The thing is a lot of this is self sabotage. I try to boost myself as much as possible then I crash. I am SO fucking bipolar it's insane. I'm preventing my healing because deep down I haven't accepted the situation. I'm resisting what is, I still can't believe this is happening to me. I started Tapering my dose after 5 days of use, can you believe that? I'm at 0.15 and every increment I reduce (0.01) I feel it heavily. Even when I consciously accept that this has happened, early in the morning when my defenses are down and I'm half asleep these negative thoughts of disbelief and non acceptance make themselves present.

 

I'm really not trying to self pity but when I look at you guys, you have family, a partner, children, things to fight for. I know this is extremely pessimistic but I feel I have nothing worth struggling over. I don't go to school anymore, I'm 25 and unemployed, my agoraphobia has distanced me from all my friends. My best friends are my parents at this point. Hahahhahahaahahah.

 

Anyways at this point I feel stuck, the lower I go the harder it's getting. I KNOW one of the major things is distraction, but this drug has made me so terrified of everything there's a very limited amount of things I can do without feeling Derealized and fearful.

[[Si...]]

Hey Cosmic you'll get there. Just believe that most everyone here have gone through or are still going through what you are. I know it doesn't help directly right now, but just hearing it may help you get through some.

[[Sa...]]

 

HI everyone, I wonder if any of you ever slept more than 6hours / night on a regular basis with Ativan (0,5mg or less) even when stable ? Questioning the half life of the drug. Is it just me or every body has the same sleep issue with Ativan ?

Hi Nolan, most of my taper I had no sleep issues. They came and went. Post jump has been different. Now it's all over the place. I don't think it's just Ativan, I think it's a problem for many people tapering and beyond. Then again, I reason most people do have sleep issues occasionally. I don't necessarily blame the benzos...

[[Sa...]]

Cosmic------- I'm sorry your having such a rough time of it. I read your post and feel a lot like you do at times. I have always had to take care of everything and everybody in my family . So I felt  I was  loosing control big time and could not  find my way back. I did not want to live. That happened to me in June. I wanted to be admitted to the psych hospital it was so bad. But I worked very hard through the help of doctors . I was taught ways to cope and change my thinking. It does not always work right away but it is a start. I know when I get to that bad point I forget everything I learnt .I'm in that deep black hole. I do understand . I was hoping to be off benzo soon ,now I'm looking at 2015. My doctor said it does not matter how long it takes you ,you will get off.

 

Can anyone tell me about what these words mean I  hear you talk about them.....  wave.......window.......updose  DP/DR or any others  I don't know since I'm new here.    Be Strong !

 

Yeah. The thing is a lot of this is self sabotage. I try to boost myself as much as possible then I crash. I am SO fucking bipolar it's insane. I'm preventing my healing because deep down I haven't accepted the situation. I'm resisting what is, I still can't believe this is happening to me. I started Tapering my dose after 5 days of use, can you believe that? I'm at 0.15 and every increment I reduce (0.01) I feel it heavily. Even when I consciously accept that this has happened, early in the morning when my defenses are down and I'm half asleep these negative thoughts of disbelief and non acceptance make themselves present.

 

I'm really not trying to self pity but when I look at you guys, you have family, a partner, children, things to fight for. I know this is extremely pessimistic but I feel I have nothing worth struggling over. I don't go to school anymore, I'm 25 and unemployed, my agoraphobia has distanced me from all my friends. My best friends are my parents at this point. Hahahhahahaahahah.

 

Anyways at this point I feel stuck, the lower I go the harder it's getting. I KNOW one of the major things is distraction, but this drug has made me so terrified of everything there's a very limited amount of things I can do without feeling Derealized and fearful.

 

Cosmic, this makes me very sad...I understand what you're trying to say, but I have to say one thing.YOU ARE WORTH THIS. DO this taper for YOU. This is the drug talking again, making you feel as though you're not worth it ,you have nothing to live for etc. None of this is true. It's all lies. Benzo lies. Please remember the lies we believe are not true.

 

You can and will get off of this no matter how hard it becomes. You have to believe in yourself when the lies are convincing. You will do this.

 

Acceptance is very hard. If you're fighting this, it will seem insurmountable. Please read the first paragraph over and over. Know you are worth this time and this fight

 

Saga

[[Ki...]]

Cosmic - you're worth it. I doesn't matter if you have a spouse, children, a job and career or a pet. You matter to your family and you matter to us. You are so young. You will have all those things. Don't ever stop believing that 

[[wa...]]

Kiddo  I'm dosing 4 times a day but I need to bring my night and morning dose down to day doses. I have had so many bad w/ds I have to cut night and morning like I'm doing to feel ok about it. But I do need the scale because my pills crumble and my doses are off. It is coming Friday. I have no clue how to use it on uneven doses. Saga's husband figured out the doses for her with the math and all.

 

Saga  I do need the scale . It seems impossible to get the right dose with cutting as the pills fall apart or have uneven cuts.

 

 

Cosmic  I will say never give up my dear ! I have been in  very deep black holes and when that happens my mind is gone I can not focus at all. It is scary I know.  I hardly left my house all last winter because of fear the drug caused. I was so lonely.  No friends. I'm here for you ! We will make it !  In April my psych doctor  wanted to take me off Lorazepam and put me on valium. He gave me just 2 mg of valium to equal 1mg of Lorazepam I should of had 10mg of valium to 1 mg of Lorazepam. Let me say that was the worse hell I've been through.  I was going crazy in the middle of the night. I called my doctor at 6am he added more valium but made it worse. So he put me back on Lorazepam.  I was  suffering  7 days real bad then went to ER for help . found out I could not take valium it caused anxiety. I do know life can be very hard. You have a whole life out there for you, it will happen. Hang on ! I sleep with a soft fury throw for comfort. Find anything you can to give you comfort.

[[Ki...]]

Hi warrior - ok, so you are currently at 2.5mg and are dosing 4x a day

 

1st dose - .875

2nd dose - .375

3rd dose - .375

4th dose - .875

 

I think you said you wanted to start slow at a 5% reduction.

 

So 5% of 2.5mg = .125mg reduction. So your NEW dose will be 2.375mg

 

Since you want to leave your 2nd and 3rd dose the way it is you can subtract the amount evenly between your 1st and 4th dose.

 

It will look like this:

 

1st dose - .8125 (round to .813

2nd dose - .375

3rd dose - .375

4th dose - .8125 (round to .813)

 

Does that make sense?

[[Co...]]

Thanks guys. I appreciate all the kind words. I know I'm worth it I just don't feel it anymore. I remember my old self and I want to cry it seems impossible to ever get there again. I want to keep busy I just don't know what to do, everything gives me anxiety these days. I can't even imagine trying to find a job. Anyways. As ive stated I'm so bipolar in a couple of days I'm gonna have the motivation to fight it again, only to lose it a couple of days after that Hahahahha.

 

On another note. I'm going to experiment with 600mg magnesium and 1000 of vitamin c to see if that helps with my skin melting off sensations, muscle explosions and REM issues. This 2 hour a night is not working for me. I've read a couple of articles and studies that show high doses of vitamin c to drastically reduce excess and leftover cortisol. Which is probably why I'm having these nocturnal attacks.

[[Ki...]]

Cosmic - just start slow with the supplements....and introduce one thing at a time. Just to be on the safe side