Forced To Fight...And Win! 15 months Healed Yes....

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Jen - man oh man it is sure obvious that "it takes what it takes" ~ when i am sitting here not in THE PAIN (smile) i think that i can handle that thought....but boy when THE PAIN is on and the thought of enduring for more months hits....then phew....so i guess when i am symptomatic i must completely avoid - is that possible? - the thoughts of how long....?

aa tells us one day at a time...i should have that deep inside me by this time...but alas'

i panic...

if u can do it i can do it......ya think?  luv you sister.

(in aa we have what we call a "family of choice" ....

[[ja...]]

Kristin...Aww

 

Ur always popping in to say the nicest things to me ..Thank You

I just got so upset to think you had many other buddies and there not here anymore.

I bet thats so hard! But always remember ..You have all of us and Im sure your other buddies are just gone cause there out in the world living..And soon you will to!!!

 

 

LP.. Thank You ..Im so glad you came bye .. ..

I dont think we ever got to spend much time chatting...I am so happy ur Loveing your family and hobbies again thats a huge huge sign of awsome healing..So happy for you..

You couldnt be more rt LP... Suffering does bring unbreakable bonds ..I love you said that..Thats exactly how I feel..

 

Pan.. O sweetness..

 

I know the thoughts you must be thinking and the neverending what ifs..

Pan..This is Tuff stuff ,But you can do this..And I know as much as this hurts ..You can endure..Your a very strong Lady and have exactly the rt possitive Feirce attitude. Im so hopeing that these sxs ease up on you..I know it must be so hard at work!!!

I  love what u said about AA..A family of Choice..It Beautiful and so Fitting..

[[pa...]]

77 replys so far! And now mine makes 78!!

Jaso, I had no idea of all the traumas you went through... I would have never guessed because you are always so cheery here on the forum. I have never dedected any bitterness in you despite the hardships you've been through. You showed me much kindness in reading and posting to my new success blog and I just had to do the same for you!

I have seen some of your posts since you've been on the forum. We both post to the prayer board and also to the post benzo freedom. I am interested in posting more with you in the future. I think you must have come to the forum at a time when I was having a severe setback and wasn't communicating or posting as much. I say this because I am only just now starting to get to know your story. There were so many members who came on board here when I did and who no longer post and have since gone there way. It is refreshing to have another member like you to share with.

Jaso, I can only say that from the bottom of my heart, I wish you many blessings from above! There is an inner strength that shines from you and I know where it comes from!!

Wishing you many blessings and graces as you continue your journey!

pangelingua gloriosi (which means "sing my tongue the savior's glory")

 

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Hey sweetness ~ just a note to say that at this moment I am so filled with love for you.  You blow my mind....how kind you are to so many people who benefit so much from your wisdom, hope, courage and perseverance.

wow - this day was great.  it is so interesting to me - in the windows it is like "geez - get a grip how bad was that...things are fine now...just remember when it comes back it will leave and it can't have been that bad...

but that feeling - that feeling that permeates our being when we are hit ...it' really something else, isn't it?  phew....

it give me so much gratitude for just peace of mind and sweet days.

just dropped in to tell you i am thinking of you. 

you never forget the people who were there when you really needed them...geez when i am slammed like that i can't even talk and i have the self esteem of a piece of lint....

love you sister :angel: :angel: :angel:

[Guest [CM...]]

width=400 height=400http://cdnimg.visualizeus.com/thumbs/a8/d1/computer,fun,funny,friends,read,word,art-a8d17f4a3c22c12063d9bdebb5eb96a3_h.jpg[/img]

 

Sending love and gratitude to my dear friends... Gracie, Linder, Tamzo, Jenny, Nic, Linder, NYC Lady, Jittery, Lamb, Sunny, Wellness.

Thank you for making my days brighter!!

 

Love always

Melo x

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Jenny,

 

In the off-topic section, where I started a thread, some time ago, called..."let's write a book", I just wanted you to know that I put you in the story.

 

I pasted the paragraph here for you to read.........

 

"Hi ya, beautiful, windy enough for ya"?, shouted a bald, kind faced, pudgy little man from behind the meat counter. "Hi...yourself Murph", Roxie answered back, pushing the wind-blown hair away from her strikingly beautiful face. Her head was reeling with delight from all the wonderful, mouth-watering smells that permeated every inch of that quaint little store. "Already got it bagged for ya, Including a treat for your cat". smiled Murphy, with a twinkle dancing around his Irish blue eyes. "Flo phoned in the order....she sounded kinda strange, worried like. She must want you back in a hurry, Rox, he said as he handed her the used paper bag containing her order. "Thanks Murph, where's Jenny today?. Is it her day off"?, Roxie asked, as she turned to leave. "Gosh no", answered Murphy,"Jenny's gone for two weeks. She went to visit some friends in New Jersey. She deserves a vacation. She's a real sweetheart with a heart of gold, there's no none who doesn't love Jenny.

 

I am so glad that you are finally healed. Your story is an inspiration to so many who are still suffering and need hope and support.

 

your friend...Me, pj

 

 

 

[[ja...]]

(((((((( PJ )))))))) :smitten:

 

PJ.. Omg U are the sweetest person I ever met!!! I am so honored what you said about me!!! Just the fact you even thought about me! You really know how to get to me.. Your amazing I mean that every bit of you I'm in

AWE of you!!!

 

Get over here PJ give this Jersey girl a big HUG!!!

Id say give me a kiss I'm Italian were big on Kisses , But I wouldn't want to make u uncomfortable LOL

 

Thank You So much Pj You just made my day!!!

xoxoxoxox ~ Jenny

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Jen i stayed home today because i have a bad cold and i could not breathe so i could not sleep til 2 am and when i was home i had this weirdness about being here.  it is like i get afraid i am never going to feel just like normal in my home again.  hard to explain.  did u have this at all and do u think it will go away?>  it is really uncomfortable and odd.

also i can't do much and i worry that my body is atrophying or something.  will i ever get to the gym again?  i am so darn weak still.

sorry to bother u with all this stuff.  i luv u.

[[ja...]]

Aww sweet Pan!!!

Im so sorry ur sick with a cold.Me2 its awful rt? I know when I used to get sick in my w/d it reved all my sxs up.

Im so sure when ur feeling a bit better ur sxs will calm down. Hang in there.

I know what your saying about not feeling normal in your own home.

Pan this is 1 of the worst feelings I had to fight against. I knew it was my home I knew it but yet I couldnt find any comfort in it. Also I just couldnt connect to it. So strange .  Pan I feel wonderful in my home again .I have a comfort and a safeness here again thanks God. Pan dont get to upset or worried its just this creepy w/d it plays such a mind trip on us. Also the feelings of just so not rt.Like somethings so off. They go away to. Im so sorry ur sick on top of this Pan.. I always think of you and was just telling my husb how amazing you are. Just stay as possitive as you as you can and rememeber that awsome window you had.. Thats your solid proof of the real you coming back!!!!

P.S You are never a bother to me..Pls let me know when I can help I worry about you

Hugs to you.

Love u back  ~Jenny

[[Gr...]]

Flowers blooming, with music:

http://player.vimeo.com/video/27920977?title=0&%3bbyline=0&%3bportrait=0href=

 

Love and blessings,

Gracie~

Balloon

[[ja...]]

Kpow My Gracie grace...

 

Beautiful thank you.. I love flowers they are everywhere in my house.

And that 1 the tigerlily in the video thats my tattoo..

 

Hope ur doing well Miss Grace

 

xoxoxo ~Jenny

[[Gr...]]

No doubt that you would have a tiger lily tattoo, Ms. JWow! It just sounds right for you and your Spirit!

 

Love and Light to you, dear one,

Gracie~

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Jen  u r really my angel once again.  u always say the perfect and right thing to me and the way you describe things makes me know it is truth and believing you is such a gift to me.  thank u so much for giving me hope around the home thing.  i put so much into making this my little sanctuary and i want to live here forever and i have just been so generally creeped out i guess.

i have a butterfly sanctuary - i am kind of the butterfly whisperer actually if i do say  so myself.  they get on my finger and everything.  anyway 2 were born yesterday at the same time and they dried their wings together.  it was so cool.

i am so filled with love for u jen;  u have been such a great support for me.  i thank u and my students thank u because miracuously i am so kind and helpful to them.  i barely make it some days but i stay right with them all somehow. 

i am going to be 4 months off soon.  that is really something isn't it sweetheart.  u r such a beautiful woman.  i got to see the flowers gracie sent.

 

stay wonderful . we need the earth angels. sososoxoxoxoxoxoo  hmmm.  kisses, hugs and an sos. 

[[ja...]]

My Sweet Pan

 

Omg You are so special to me. I am so very thankful I met you.

Thank you so much u always make me feel so good with what you say to me...

I have so much love for you to Pan like For real!!!!!!!!!

I bet your students love you to pieces .. I know I do. They are so lucky to have such a wonderful teacher.

I cant believe your teaching that's so amazing while your going through this.

Hows your cold ? I hope your getting relief Pan.

Butterfly Whisper I bet you are. That's way cool .Don't you worry Pan soon you will feel a sense of calmness and safe in your home ,Your sanctuary... Rt before I met you Pan I was getting ready to leave here .Well take a break and just pop in time to time. Something just told me to stick around still.. Thank God I did..

Cause it was soon after I met you..

 

Hang in there Pan soon your going to be so happy again. Living everyday to the fullest,Joy filling your heart. Sometimes its the worst of experiences that bring forth the most Amazing Blessings...

 

xoxoxoxooxox :smitten:

~Jenny

[[ja...]]

((((((((((((((( Pan ))))))))))))))))

 

OMG.. 4 months!!!!!!!!!!! Thats awsome ..Im so proud of you ..Your doing it.Your really doing it..

 

 

xoxooxxo

[[Pe...]]

Jenny,

 

Thank you for keeping the hope alive for all of us, thankyou, thankyou, thankyou!!!!!

[[ja...]]

Sweet P...

 

Hi!!!!! I havent herd from you in a bit.. I miss you!!!!!!!!!!

 

Thank You so much ... I think your the Blessing around here personaly

 

I am so hopeing your feeling ok Sweet P Mwauh

 

Xoxoxoxoxoxoxo ~Jenny

[[in...]]

Jenny,

 

Thank you for keeping the hope alive for all of us, thankyou, thankyou, thankyou!!!!!

 

Hi Perseverance,

 

You said in your signature "DO NOT DETOX OFF OF BENZOS" I'm starting this road into hell,  I don't know the difference between a Detox and a Withdrawal.  Can you tell me?

 

Thanks

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Hi Jen angel sweetie benzo princess to so many

jen i have another question.  i got really bored tonight and i'm thinking in a way that's a good sign but then i really started feeling like i am on the bottom wrung of the ladder of my life.  i have isolated from so many people and i am wondering will i have the gumption and courage and all that to get a life going again.  i have room for more friends and would really like to meet a great guy and that takes proactive stuff and i don't see it for me right now but i can get a life back again?

due to things i lost some of my friends and it was hard and a relationship ended.  a lot of loss awhile back.  i will need a lot of strength. 

just wondering what your thoughts on this were

also i have closets full of clothes and i barely have worn many for so long.  will that come back too?

this is all so darn odd....

so darn odd....

what a road, huh?

luv u madly

& forever sweet jen mentor princess angel goddess giant person love

and more...

 

 

[[ja...]]

Aww Pan!!!!

 

My God I feel you !!! I can literally feel what your saying.

Maybe I can help. I will try my best.You know for me I had to walk down that road as well Pan.

I to felt like my losses were huge and very sad. I isolated Pan and I speak very much on this subject.

I always talk about isolation and shutting out friends,family any1 for that matter in this w/d.

But when I did this I never realized the Backlash,Residual effects, that I would ultimately have to face.

Well when I was almost healed I had alot of strength and Awareness I needed..

Strange pan we walk this walk and fight this fight like no other. You would think when we heal we would receive a Huge shinny Metal.. Shoot I thought I would. Not such the case for me. I was handed a Broken home,Children facing uncertainty,Friends MIA,Business that was so good gone! But Pan that's cause I wasn't looking, Seems like you are! That's amazing , That means your fully aware of all aspects in your life, Sounds to me your going through

a awareness like kinda seeing every aspect in Ur life and whats being affected. This is a good thing Pan. I think by doing this When your at that finish line and all healed . That means you will be healed in every way Pan. And O Yes you will be wearing all your cloths again!!! And wearing them very well! Pan when I was in my w/d and for most the months I was stuck wearing nothing but sweats and a robe! No joke ! And Pan I don't even own Sneakers I always dress for the day this was awful! But I'm back to me in every way so will you Pan. Just hang in there OK!!! I think your doing great!!

 

:smitten:

Ur friend in this fight always!!!!!

 

~ Jenny

[[Pe...]]

Jenny,

 

Thank you for keeping the hope alive for all of us, thankyou, thankyou, thankyou!!!!!

 

Hi Perseverance,

 

You said in your signature "DO NOT DETOX OFF OF BENZOS" I'm starting this road into hell,  I don't know the difference between a Detox and a Withdrawal.  Can you tell me?

 

Thanks

 

Hi Inkster,

 

Detox is when you come off benzos in a short period of time...like a week or less, it was 3 days in my case.  Tapering is the best way to go, reducing the amount of benzo slowly over time.  Coming off too quickly causes excitotoxicity in your brain and can damage neurons, this is because while you were taking benzos your brain has made neuroadaptations in order to try to compensate for the effects of the benzos, the brain tries to maintain homeostasis or a constant normal level, benzos cause an increase in chloride and the brain tries to counteract this increase to maintain harmony.  Chloride is what calms down the firings of the neuron, benzos cause the chloride channels to stay open.  So the brain increases glutamate (the excitatory neurotransmitter) levels to counteract the calming action of the increased chloride.  When you come of benzos too quickly your brain has not had time to lower the glutamate levels.  Slowly decreasing your dosage, or tapering, gives the brain time to start lowering the glutamate levels as you lower the benzo, thus protecting the brain from too much glutamate.

 

Withdrawal is the result of higher glutamate plus another neuroadaptation the brain has made trying to combat the sedative effect of the benzos.  The benzos kept the chloride channels open, this caused the brain to start reducing the number of GABA A receptor sites in an attempt to slow down the flow of chloride.  So after you stop benzos you are left with less GABA A receptor sites, a higher level of glutamate, and damaged benzo receptor sites.  This causes the nervous system to misfire and to be in an excited state as there is now not enough GABA transmission.

 

I don't want to hijack Jenny's blog, so if you go to page 49 of my blog and scroll down to my post to Nicolette, the 5th post down on that page you can read a more in depth description of the receptor sites which should hopefully help you understand this better...here is the link:

 

http://www.benzobuddies.org/forum/index.php?topic=32647.480

 

 

Jenny- are you kidding?  I could not even hold a candle to you...I thank God for you!!!!  You are a special giving person to have stuck around here like you have to help the rest of us after you recovered.  We are so blessed to have you!!!!

 

[[ja...]]

Sweet P...

 

Thank you so much!!! But honestly look at how much amazing information and help you give.Your so Informative and Helpful it blows my mind!!! I give you such credit expecially cause ur going through this still and continue to help every1 ur wonderful!!!!

 

Hell I never gave solid facts or scientific aspects of this w/d I just

give what I do know.... The best I can...

 

Mwauh ~ Jenny

[[km...]]

I have to second P's thoughts it is wonderful you give so much support to so many

Hugs

[[ja...]]

Kmarie .....

 

Awww Thank you so much you have no idea how much I needed all of you .Probally

more then you needed me! I am so grateful for all of you being so warm and welcoming me with such

care and love!!! Your so sweet Kmarie I am Honored to be here and beable to call you Friends !!!

 

~ Jenny