Again

[[Sh...]]

1 hour ago, [[h...] said:

Its Costa Rica where i lived 10 yrs b4 i had my kid. Its one of my favorite places on earth but stupid me went there in late acute not realising this benzo stuff was NOT nearly over, lets just say my biggest stretch of 0 hr (or near 0) happened there, like 5 days in a row, so there is some trauma there. Also family was complicated that trip because covid, but they seem happy and fine now and even if this trip willbe very rough it can never the hell be as bad as the last one, feeling id die or lose my mind every moment. With 8 my kid is still to young to roam free and family will only watch her very little, but thats ok. And her fathrr lives there and he is the most irresponsible person. I will try to enjoy on my better days and will post a pic here of the glorious beach. Here in Holland i live right by the beach too, willpost a pic.

I actually had a much better period too somewhere between month 22 and 25... i cant really remember because i didnt write it down. Wasnt back to normal but most days like hey i can absolutely live like this! I even had a very stressful move that was 2 months of stress and exhaustion and i was still in my window to my surprise. Then the day after the move i got a mycoplasma bacteria and was ill 2 weeks but still in my window, then a few days after i got ill my kid got it but she was super ill, like bronchitis and that lasted 23 days of her not being able to even walk i was so scared and stressed and just many doctors apppintments, the 2 days b4 she got well the super shit benzo sleep came back with lots of the neuro symptoms too, jerks, zaps, explpding head... and since then month 26 its just been up and down, wavy... i do get an ok week here and there, but its not sticking anymore and way too many days i still feel sooo damaged. Just had a super broken toxic sleep night again, maybe did get 4 hrs so not too bad but still 4 days in a row of feeling various shades of crap.

Goodluck to you all 💕

Oh Man U have been thru it! I get that u would be traumatized by ur last visit, that will be playing on ur mind for sure. 
it’s so wierd hey. This time last year I went to 2 concerts and didn’t sleep but the next night I slept like 10 hrs. But now if I don’t sleep the next night I might get 5 so the catch up isn’t there again. 
it’s just a big old shit Sanga as we say down under!

Wow holland and Costa Rica! We are taking this shit international 🤯

I’ve never been anywhere except Australia. Lucky it’s amazing here!

[[Sh...]]

1 hour ago, [[h...] said:

Omg this too!!! Id just turned 40 when the benzo shit happened and now i am close to 43, i am like what if perimenopause is part of it, but i was absolutely fine until the day i took the benzo. Never had a bad night in my life or the neuro things. Id be too scared to take hrt, you?

HRT? 
No way in hell. 

[[Sh...]]

17 minutes ago, [[J...] said:

You got a good point, even though it's been hellish for the last four and a half years, it's been a learning experience. I was partying so hard for so long, I had to make lifestyle changes too.

I've learned how to cook good, learned a lot of the ins and outs of life, which foods agree with me and which ones don't, the landscapes I hope to accomplish in the future, the type of lifestyle I want to live, etc.

It would be my dream to heal from this 100% and feel ready to tackle the world, and go move to the top of a snow-capped mountain surrounded by evergreen trees and streams and waterfalls. Just me and mother nature, nobody else around for miles. I've lived the city life in many areas for a long time, it's time to get back to nature.

What parts of the world is everybody else from? I think this is my first time speaking to this crowd on benzo buddies, and I've been around a long time.

That sounds pretty magic. I’m the same Justin, I was a crazy nut when I was younger. I seriously can’t believe I’m the same person. I think there have been some lessons in this. Pretty cruel way to learn them but it’s better to take something away from it and see the positive in bad situations. 
I’ve never been so sober in my life and it’s made me realize there was nothing to hide from, I don’t know why I tried to numb it away for song long. Being sober is actually pretty awesome. 
here’s where I live, the beautiful Gold Coast australia 🇦🇺 

 

[[he...]]

53 minutes ago, [[S...] said:

HRT? 
No way in hell. 

Lol yes thats where i am at too at this point, i guess in the olden times some ladies lived to a 100 without it right

[[Ju...]]

38 minutes ago, [[S...] said:

That sounds pretty magic. I’m the same Justin, I was a crazy nut when I was younger. I seriously can’t believe I’m the same person. I think there have been some lessons in this. Pretty cruel way to learn them but it’s better to take something away from it and see the positive in bad situations. 
I’ve never been so sober in my life and it’s made me realize there was nothing to hide from, I don’t know why I tried to numb it away for song long. Being sober is actually pretty awesome. 
here’s where I live, the beautiful Gold Coast australia 🇦🇺 

Nice! I've always wanted to go explore Down Under and New Zealand both. I watch YouTube videos of there quite often, cool stuff. I used to live in Florida, the water was just as clear, but we didn't have the hills and mountains like you.

And yes, same here with the sober thing. I partied really hard from about say 12 or 13 until about 33. I took a couple breaks here and there, but nothing much. Eventually I ended up in and out of detox so many times that I had to change, wasn't optional anymore. Fast forward a bit and I cold turkey off of massive amounts of substances all at the same time, and now it's been about 5 years almost. I went into this predicament clueless, came out with massive amounts of wisdom.

Like you said, it was a huge learning experience. I never even wanted to eat healthy like this, but benzo withdrawal forced me to. My body couldn't handle sugars or processed foods, so I was forced to buy real foods. I didn't want to eat crappy frozen foods, so I started cooking fresh foods. Things like that.

Same with all the vitamins and pills I used to take. Once I started eating healthy, I realized I didn't need the vitamins. Once I got off the pills for good, I decided I was never going back. I haven't been sick in almost 5 years, so I decided I didn't need the doctors advice or any of the pill recommendations from them either.

I got sick of heat and humidity, so I moved out of the southeast and went to the northwest. I got tired of looking at city views, so I moved and got water views. Next step, I want to go live up in the mountains again, like when I was younger. Something about the mountains makes me find peace, more peaceful than living on the waterfront.

That's so cool that we've got Costa Rica and Holland and Australia and Seattle all on the same post. I'm 40 and almost 5 years out, looks like some of us are in similar time frames. I hope we all heal soon.

[[he...]]

56 minutes ago, [[S...] said:

Oh Man U have been thru it! I get that u would be traumatized by ur last visit, that will be playing on ur mind for sure. 
it’s so wierd hey. This time last year I went to 2 concerts and didn’t sleep but the next night I slept like 10 hrs. But now if I don’t sleep the next night I might get 5 so the catch up isn’t there again. 
it’s just a big old shit Sanga as we say down under!

Wow holland and Costa Rica! We are taking this shit international 🤯

I’ve never been anywhere except Australia. Lucky it’s amazing here!

Yessss its so random... at the same time sometimes overstimulation will give me a crap night but then sometimes the opposite, i really dont get the brains algoritms after benzo damage, it must be a complicated balance of all kind of things.

Yes international benzo suffering for sure, global big pharm crimes and clueless docs!

[[he...]]

47 minutes ago, [[S...] said:

That sounds pretty magic. I’m the same Justin, I was a crazy nut when I was younger. I seriously can’t believe I’m the same person. I think there have been some lessons in this. Pretty cruel way to learn them but it’s better to take something away from it and see the positive in bad situations. 
I’ve never been so sober in my life and it’s made me realize there was nothing to hide from, I don’t know why I tried to numb it away for song long. Being sober is actually pretty awesome. 
here’s where I live, the beautiful Gold Coast australia 🇦🇺 

Sooooo pretty, and you wont have to worry about lack of vit D!

[[sh...]]

13 hours ago, [[S...] said:

Oh shamrock! I feel ur pain. I’m in the 3 club with u mate. I’m so sorry things are hard for u too right now. God 3 hours makes u feel like an alien.
it’s crazy isn’t it! I truly thought it was over for me being that low on sleep. I was up around 6-7 hrs a night for a really long time. Now I’m back to unisom again to get some relief. It’s just shit. 
I know this wave will end for us by it sure is hard to look up when ur feeling so down isn’t it. 
I had a better night last night and I am so greatful for it. I don’t know how many hours coz I don’t care because it’s no good to track right now but I think it would have been 5-6 but broken. I don’t feel like I’m dying today so that’s a nice change 😂

💪🏾Thanku for giving me some encouragement. I wish I could put into words how much it helps me x 

yeh, I am so happy for you that you got more hours of sleep 😊me too, about 5 hours, broken but still grateful 🙏 we will make it and soon be turning a corner 🍀

Edited March 10 by [sh...]

[[mi...]]

Hello

[[Up...]]

 

[[de...]]

Leave it to @[Sh...] to bring us all back together again!!!!    Let's keep talking!   

[[Sh...]]

Justin that is the silver lining for you. It showed you how to look after ur body. 
From what we hear about the diet in America, it’s kinda ingrained in kids from when they are in school to eat badly. The SAD diet is heavily subsidized to make it cheap to people eat it. Terrible for you but not for ur pocket. Here in Australia we have canteens at school but it’s a treat to get “tuck shop” as we call it. We might get it once a fortnight, so most kids get homemade meals for school every day. 
I’ve always eaten healthily. I’ve been vegetarian since I was 16 so when there’s no meat it forces u to try a lot of things. Aussies are a very healthy group when it comes to eating, not so much when it comes to binge drinking but the younger generation doesn’t seem to drink as much. Where I live everyone is super fit and beautiful so it’s frowned upon to be unhealthy. So it’s a good place to be to have a healthy lifestyle. It’s also too hot to eat for half the year! I’m 45 now 🤗 I turned 40 a month before the wheels fell off the wagon! 
 

heylona I know this non linear stuff makes no sense at all but I think hormones play a huge role. For instance every month after Aunty Flo visits my heart rate goes thru the floor. So I reckon that’s a lot of the problem. 
I probably OD on vit d because I am always in the sun and on the beach.! 
 

dec how lovely is this conversation? It’s so special to be able to come here and support each other on opposite sides of the world! I love it! ❤️

[[Sh...]]

So this is what I’m talking about with my heart. See at the beginning of the month is when I’m “hormonal” then my heart rate just dives. 
I’ve showed my dr this and of course she shed zero light on it. 
very frustrating but this is when my palpitations and sleep are usually very very bad. Although my sleep has been bad for weeks now 

[[Sh...]]

3 hours ago, [[U...] said:

This is great upper left thanks so much for sending this thru. 
I think my problem is I have this “push through” mentality and it definitely helped me earlier in WD, but now that I have hit this bump it’s not helping too much at all. 
I keep forgetting that I still need to baby myself because I am feeling mostly better so my attitude has been “we’re good” instead of keeping mg guard up a little bit. 
so this clip is a good reminder especially where Angie says the first 3 to 5 years u are still sensitive. Definitely time to dial back and take better care of myself, Thanku ❤️
I had another terrible night last night so feeling rough today. Spose to go to work and it’s a new job but I wish I could just stay home. 

[[de...]]

@[Sh...]  Yikes, those heart rate fluctuations are crazy.    Yes, I would agree; probably hormones.  

 

[[Sh...]]

I know. It’s funny everyone I show says the same thing but my dr didn’t flinch. 
I was up all night with cramps so not much sleep again. On and on it goes 

Edited March 11 by [Sh...]

[[he...]]

5 hours ago, [[S...] said:

So this is what I’m talking about with my heart. See at the beginning of the month is when I’m “hormonal” then my heart rate just dives. 
I’ve showed my dr this and of course she shed zero light on it. 
very frustrating but this is when my palpitations and sleep are usually very very bad. Although my sleep has been bad for weeks now 

I have similar variability with my resting heart rate. Resting is higher when my sleep is awful. What i discovered is that I have sleep apnea (took an in lab study to diagnose). Now that I’ve been on CPAP for a few months my palpitations are at least 80% gone. 

[[Ju...]]

5 hours ago, [[S...] said:

Justin that is the silver lining for you. It showed you how to look after ur body. 
From what we hear about the diet in America, it’s kinda ingrained in kids from when they are in school to eat badly. The SAD diet is heavily subsidized to make it cheap to people eat it. Terrible for you but not for ur pocket. Here in Australia we have canteens at school but it’s a treat to get “tuck shop” as we call it. We might get it once a fortnight, so most kids get homemade meals for school every day. 
I’ve always eaten healthily. I’ve been vegetarian since I was 16 so when there’s no meat it forces u to try a lot of things. Aussies are a very healthy group when it comes to eating, not so much when it comes to binge drinking but the younger generation doesn’t seem to drink as much. Where I live everyone is super fit and beautiful so it’s frowned upon to be unhealthy. So it’s a good place to be to have a healthy lifestyle. It’s also too hot to eat for half the year! I’m 45 now 🤗 I turned 40 a month before the wheels fell off the wagon! 
 

heylona I know this non linear stuff makes no sense at all but I think hormones play a huge role. For instance every month after Aunty Flo visits my heart rate goes thru the floor. So I reckon that’s a lot of the problem. 
I probably OD on vit d because I am always in the sun and on the beach.! 
 

dec how lovely is this conversation? It’s so special to be able to come here and support each other on opposite sides of the world! I love it! ❤️

Yeah the United States is pretty unhealthy. I've always been fit for the most part, I grew up outdoors and swimming and riding dirt bikes and things like that, working on cars and being out with friends. But as far as the diet, it's been pretty bad when I look back.

When you go to a grocery store in america, mostly everything is commercialized on the shelves. Chips, sugary carbonated drinks, cakes, pizzas, TV dinners, processed breads, candy bars, beer, wine, crackers, Bagels, waffles, all that kind of stuff. When I grew up younger, I used to eat healthy. But once I got College age and started Living on my own, I started binge drinking and eating really unhealthy foods from the grocery store.

America definitely has problems with substances as well. A lot of alcohol and marijuana and other illegal things that are making big comebacks now. Certain states have even gone as far as to start legalizing the previous illegal things, so that Americans can indulge in that along with their pizzas and beers. You know, why not snort cocaine and down a 12 pack and go to the weed dispensary, get some wine afterwards, eat a bunch of bagels and pizzas right, like most Americans now? Yeah, seems to be headed that way here, and they'll even deliver it (insert sarcasm).

Anyways all the sarcasm aside, yeah I won't eat anything anymore unless it's a real food. Like legit real food, not even something from a package that says organic. If it's not a meat or a vegetable or a fruit, I'm not eating it. There's a couple exceptions, like organic corn tortillas or some organic flour tortillas for my tacos. And some full fat real sour cream to go along with it. Or maybe some organic hot sauce out of a bottle, something like that. But overall, it has to be real food for the most part.

I feel a million times better now that I don't drink alcohol anymore. No more sweating, no more morning anxiety, no more red cheeks, no more headaches, no more mid day tiredness. Now if the benzo withdrawal can just heal, it'll be like that times a million, considering they both work on the Gaba in your body. Essentially we all got prescribed alcohol everyday in a pill form for many years. Now we're experiencing the major hangover from it and neurological damage from it.

 

[[Sh...]]

You are on the right path tho now mate. Keep up the amazing work and I know it will happen for you real soon. 
it sure seems like America isn’t in the interest of keeping its citizens alive and well. No disrespect intended, but guns, and ads on tv pushing shit food and pysch meds to me is crazy. We aren’t allowed to have guns here, and while there are ads on free to air tv for junk food no one watches it anyway. Everyone streams here. Also no ads on tv for cigarettes or pysch meds, we still have a long way to go with booze tho. It’s treated like a diet staple mostly. 
if u say u don’t drink here people straight away assume ur an alcoholic. Which is bizarre. 

[[Ju...]]

You're absolutely right. Most people just didn't really realize it or talk about it for the longest time. Now there's been protests and riots and people are becoming anti-government and anti-medical system in America, and for very good reasons.

America has turned into a huge advertisement basically. Advertising psych meds on tv, Advertising candy and chips on tv, Advertising vacations at hotels, advertising new car rentals and new car purchases, advertising financial advisors and mortgages and credit cards, advertising checking accounts and savings and 401ks on tv. And yes we stream here too, but it's the same ads on the internet. When I say tv, I just mean advertising in general here. Billboards, Street signs, restaurants, everywhere.

It's as if everything is about FICO scores and income now. Like what can you qualify for? What kind of interest rate can you get? How much money can you make this year without making yourself mental from overworking and over stressing yourself? It's no longer about home life, it's as if people live for work, instead of working for necessities to live.

It's turned into like a big dystopian commercial advertising campaign. Everybody's working more and more, so that they can keep purchasing more. More tvs, more cell phones, more vacations, more food, more alcohol, more marijuana, more pedicures, more clothes, more cars, bigger houses. Now people are building 50,000 ft luxury mansions, not just one or two for the select few like the past, but Sotheby's houses are popping up everywhere.

They say that now there's more than 25% of Americans on pills. Why would one in four people need psychiatric pills? And there's never a doctor's visit where they don't try to prescribe something. It's like that's their goal these days, prescribe as many pills as possible and have them come back as frequently as possible.

Of course this isn't the case everywhere, there's still a lot of normal lifestyle America here too. I'm not bashing America completely, and the rest of the world seems to be going down the same path in similar ways. There's still a lot of good regular people out there with a good head on their shoulders thinking clearly, but it seems the masses are turning towards materialism and consumerism here.

You can even see the consumerism in the architecture. Get on Zillow or Redfin and look at the houses around the nation here in america. Everybody's trying to go for the new modern house, bigger windows, more square footage, more land, etc. It's as if enough isn't enough anymore.

I like where I live, Seattle is a cool place. But like I said before, I hope to get out of the city for good and move out to the middle of nowhere eventually. I want my nature and peace and quiet at this point. After all the damage that's been done from benzos and doctors and government, I want to escape back to the real world and mother nature. That's where I meant to be, and that's where I plan on dying alone with the natural world.

[[Sh...]]

We want to same things Justin. I don’t have much money but we have enough to survive. I buy most of my clothes from op shops (thrift stores) because I like to hunt for cool cheap stuff mainly, but also coz I don’t agree with fast fashion. I have a great wardrobe, people always compliment me on what I wear. I love reading and get all my books second hand. I love the beach, nature, and my family and friends. 
that’s all u really need. Those people who want all the big stuff? We call them “wankers” here 😂

There’s good people everywhere. I’d love to come to America and live in those little country towns where people sit on their porches with their flags out and everyone knows everyone. Super cute. 
I love the way u guys celebrate like everything in such a big way. That’s really cool. 

Edited March 11 by [Sh...]

[[Ju...]]

Yes, wankers. We call them snobby over here, or high on their pedestal, non-humble, greedy, there's a million words for them in america. There's nothing wrong with having a lot, there's just something wrong with thinking you're better or hogging it all for yourself.

I used to live that country porch life at one point as well. It was great, I would love to go back to that. Right now I've got way more than I need, whole entire wardrobes full of fitted clothes and a million pairs of shoes and several rooms with electronics that I don't even hardly use. I almost feel like tossing it, going back to the country, and never looking back to materialism again. I enjoy my modern living and water views, but I prefer Peace of Mind Over materials. I choose Mother Nature over man-made anytime.

I think the west coast of the United States and Australia are very similar. The west coast is much Freer and liberated compared to the East Coast for the most part. Although the East Coast seemed to be more on top of things and more down to earth with regular day-to-day stuff. The West Coast can take two weeks for anything to get done, and people are a little bit more introverted. The east coast is more old school, old ways.

I would compare the east coast of the United States more to the United Kingdom if I had to make a comparison. I would say the west coast is more like Canada or Australia if you had to match.

Regardless, one day I'm going to take my ass to the mountains and never return to City Life again. It's fun for a while when you're younger, but then you're ready to move on eventually. Especially once we're all healed, we're going to want peace of mind over everything else. Imagine how good we're going to feel when this is over, it's going to be like Christmas every day.

[[An...]]

17 hours ago, [[U...] said:

Nice video but she needs to get rid of the embedded subtitles or place at the very bottom. It is very distracting while watching.

[[An...]]

Hmmm, the subtitles are different when you watch on youTube. When I watch on BB, I see two lines of the same captions right in the center of the video.....IDK!

[[he...]]

ok y'all, just felt i had to share here after all my rants, that last night i slept like 9 hours... it was after 4 shit nights (totally still benzo induced). I usually only go to benzobuddies when i feel like crap, so as to not scare the newbies too much who might be following this, its not all crap anymore. i have been having ok nights since month 4, but it was usually waaaaaay more bad nights and days then ok ones, until half a year ago (like around month 22) i got more often stretches of ok nights and days in a row. and since at least half a year, maybe a year, after  agood night i feel good too, no more thinking i am feeling weird dr/dp and all that. that just keeps getting better. my night was not normal ofcourse, i still woke up 3 times and had 5+ exploding head or jaw jerks, but hey i will take it over the super toxic nights!