Again

[[Sh...]]

Decs!!!! Four years!?!?!? Holy dooly honey I’m so proud of you! That’s amazing!

Wow the years are starting to rack up. It’s nice when u here that much time has passed. Means we are closer to that finish line hey buddy 💪🏾❤️

[[he...]]

Oh shayna i am wavy as hell all the time still at 28+ months, i lost count how far out i am. The last half year i have had better periods of days or weeks that i get stretches of feeling well rested every night like 7 broken hours, still always broken but not as much or i fall asleep again quickly. Then when i get some hope whaaaam another wave, the benzo shit sleep, hours awake, toxic fake sleep, super broken, 2 to 4 broken hours only, just wiiiiiiide awake. Then that weird feeling in my brain the next day and drag myself through. Its all still benzo i still get the jerks, exploding head, other weird neuro stuff. Usually less and sometimes its gone a few weeks butalways comes back. After a good stretch of sleeping much better and feeling nornal it gets hard to imagine i felt so bad but then a bad night or week and i am CRUSHED feels just as terrible as always. Altough i gues it isnt as bad as it was it still horrible and impactingmy life.

Totally get the when the hell is over feeling, i am not counting on it anymore to be over by a certain time... on my crap days its hard to imagine it will ever be over.

On my good stretches i get optimistic and make plans but they get crushed always pretty soon.

Over 5 weeks i have to travel overseas to the tropics for 4 weeks...family trip cant cancel cause my daughter needs to see her family there. On my good days i am looking forward but on my bad days i am like omg the horror... half of it at least is gonna be tough still because of my injury... will be 30 months then... all this after 19,5 days of clonazepam... i am terrified of all "meds" now, did a root canal without numbing shots and skipped the ABs for the infection.

I also feel like loosing my patience like wth how long does this keep going...

Hope it passes soon Shahna, how were you before the wave?

Edited March 9 by [he...]

[[he...]]

10 hours ago, [[S...] said:

Thanku buddies. This is the place I come because I know my poor friends here understand. This is beyond cruel what we have to go thru. 
yes coming here to see Christie is gone just broke my heart a little bit more. 
but I still know there’s a reason we are all here. We have to stay here and fight and I will never stop. But I’m tired u know? I’m so fucking tired of this shit.

Still in the trenches together 🦄🦖🦖🦖🦖

[[su...]]

Shayna, WTH are you still doing here?  Seriously!?  Just a blast from the past poking in to BB and really disappointed to see you (and other familiar Buddies) still here.  So, to your post I will say, you got this.  It's a wave and you are an EXPERT wave rider.  Like Master Yoda level wave rider.  Hang in there honey. 

[[Ju...]]

14 hours ago, [[S...] said:

I can’t believe I’m back asking for support but here I am. My god it’s been rough for me lately. My sleep is very bad again. And I’m just so exhausted from the fight. I’m laying in the dark in tears again and feeling the doom. I can’t believe I’m back here again. 
It’s just a late wave. That’s what I’m telling myself anyway. 
I don’t think my heart can take much more. 
So I’ve come here to see if anyone experienced this so far off? I’m almost 3 years off. 

Yes, at almost 5 years off. Day after day, feels like Groundhog Day in Seattle Washington, birthplace of Jimi Hendrix (like your profile).

The sleep and the pain are the main lingering issues this far out. Hopefully we will be healed soon.

[[sh...]]

15 hours ago, [[S...] said:

I can’t believe I’m back asking for support but here I am. My god it’s been rough for me lately. My sleep is very bad again. And I’m just so exhausted from the fight. I’m laying in the dark in tears again and feeling the doom. I can’t believe I’m back here again. 
It’s just a late wave. That’s what I’m telling myself anyway. 
I don’t think my heart can take much more. 
So I’ve come here to see if anyone experienced this so far off? I’m almost 3 years off. 

Hi Shayna, I am so sorry that you have to endure another wave… I can very much relate. On April it will be 3 years for me too and haven’t slept for more than 3 broken hours a night for the last week 🥺

It must be our brain needing to do some work on our final healing ❤️‍🩹 

I wish you much strength and swift healing 🍀

[[sh...]]

1 hour ago, [[J...] said:

The sleep and the pain are the main lingering issues this far out. Hopefully we will be healed soon.

For me too … hope we will find relief soon 🙏🍀🍀🍀

[[Ga...]]

15 hours ago, [[S...] said:

Is this a peek of your beautiful tanned face?  Sorry you are in a wave, but that is only a small piece of your story.  You will always be the sweet, sensitive, sassy, strong, sparkling, and spirited Shayna, loved by so many of your benzo buddies!  Sending tons of hugs and 🙏🙏🙏❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

 

GG

[[...]]

@[Sh...] Awesome picture of your beautiful beach. I will take you up on your offer of a couple of beers! I hope you are able to get some sleep tonight

[[Sh...]]

14 hours ago, [[h...] said:

Oh shayna i am wavy as hell all the time still at 28+ months, i lost count how far out i am. The last half year i have had better periods of days or weeks that i get stretches of feeling well rested every night like 7 broken hours, still always broken but not as much or i fall asleep again quickly. Then when i get some hope whaaaam another wave, the benzo shit sleep, hours awake, toxic fake sleep, super broken, 2 to 4 broken hours only, just wiiiiiiide awake. Then that weird feeling in my brain the next day and drag myself through. Its all still benzo i still get the jerks, exploding head, other weird neuro stuff. Usually less and sometimes its gone a few weeks butalways comes back. After a good stretch of sleeping much better and feeling nornal it gets hard to imagine i felt so bad but then a bad night or week and i am CRUSHED feels just as terrible as always. Altough i gues it isnt as bad as it was it still horrible and impactingmy life.

Totally get the when the hell is over feeling, i am not counting on it anymore to be over by a certain time... on my crap days its hard to imagine it will ever be over.

On my good stretches i get optimistic and make plans but they get crushed always pretty soon.

Over 5 weeks i have to travel overseas to the tropics for 4 weeks...family trip cant cancel cause my daughter needs to see her family there. On my good days i am looking forward but on my bad days i am like omg the horror... half of it at least is gonna be tough still because of my injury... will be 30 months then... all this after 19,5 days of clonazepam... i am terrified of all "meds" now, did a root canal without numbing shots and skipped the ABs for the infection.

I also feel like loosing my patience like wth how long does this keep going...

Hope it passes soon Shahna, how were you before the wave?

Oh I honey not you too. I am exactly in that place. Constant trying to live then wondering if I can make those plans coz if I’m in a bad place it’s gunna be rough. 
oh honey, maybe try to reframe the trip? That your family can help with ur daughter so you can take some much needed time to urself? Lie on the beach with a book? 
I know how hard it is, Thanku for jumping in here to help me x ❤️ If u ever need support make sure u msg me ok x 

I was good for a long time, but since my brother in law passed I just can’t seem to balance out again. X
 

[[Sh...]]

13 hours ago, [[s...] said:

Shayna, WTH are you still doing here?  Seriously!?  Just a blast from the past poking in to BB and really disappointed to see you (and other familiar Buddies) still here.  So, to your post I will say, you got this.  It's a wave and you are an EXPERT wave rider.  Like Master Yoda level wave rider.  Hang in there honey. 

WTH indeed. Ugh x beautiful sunshine I hope u are doing well? So nice to hear from you x 

yesterday while I was at the beach I was just watching the waves thinking that same thing. And wanting to dust my mal off and literally ride the waves. Maybe a good way to say a big FU to this. Hehe. 
Thanku for coming back to encourage me again. It’s so lovely to hear from u xx

[[Sh...]]

10 hours ago, [[J...] said:

Yes, at almost 5 years off. Day after day, feels like Groundhog Day in Seattle Washington, birthplace of Jimi Hendrix (like your profile).

The sleep and the pain are the main lingering issues this far out. Hopefully we will be healed soon.

Oh no Justin not u too. As much as it helps to hear I’m not alone i sure didn’t want to see so many saying they were right there in the trenches with me.

im really sorry things are so tough for you Justin. I was just saying to my hubby it’s been 5 years since all this started for me. Too long. 
 

Seattle!?!? Omg the coolest place on earth! I bought tickets a couple of weeks ago to see Pearl Jam when they come out here. Wave or no wave nothing will keep me from Eddie!!! 
I hope things change for u soon too mate. So many wounded soldiers here 😔

[[or...]]

I'm late to this party, @[Sh...] but I sure hope things turn around for you. Indeed you are one of the benzo warriors!

Katz

[[Sh...]]

10 hours ago, [[s...] said:

Hi Shayna, I am so sorry that you have to endure another wave… I can very much relate. On April it will be 3 years for me too and haven’t slept for more than 3 broken hours a night for the last week 🥺

It must be our brain needing to do some work on our final healing ❤️‍🩹 

I wish you much strength and swift healing 🍀

Oh shamrock! I feel ur pain. I’m in the 3 club with u mate. I’m so sorry things are hard for u too right now. God 3 hours makes u feel like an alien.
it’s crazy isn’t it! I truly thought it was over for me being that low on sleep. I was up around 6-7 hrs a night for a really long time. Now I’m back to unisom again to get some relief. It’s just shit. 
I know this wave will end for us by it sure is hard to look up when ur feeling so down isn’t it. 
I had a better night last night and I am so greatful for it. I don’t know how many hours coz I don’t care because it’s no good to track right now but I think it would have been 5-6 but broken. I don’t feel like I’m dying today so that’s a nice change 😂

💪🏾Thanku for giving me some encouragement. I wish I could put into words how much it helps me x 

[[Sh...]]

6 hours ago, [[G...] said:

Is this a peek of your beautiful tanned face?  Sorry you are in a wave, but that is only a small piece of your story.  You will always be the sweet, sensitive, sassy, strong, sparkling, and spirited Shayna, loved by so many of your benzo buddies!  Sending tons of hugs and 🙏🙏🙏❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

GG

Awww GG my beautiful buddy x how are you? 
Thanku for making me smile. It’s so nice to talk to my friends here. 
yes that’s me. Wasn’t feeling too beautiful yesterday but I managed to even go out for dinner with my parents and hold a decent conversation woohoo. Go brain 🧠 

sending you the biggest hug 🤗 

I hope those headaches are gone? 

[[Sh...]]

[[Sh...]]

9 minutes ago, [[o...] said:

I'm late to this party, @[Sh...] but I sure hope things turn around for you. Indeed you are one of the benzo warriors!

Katz

Thanku Katz ❤️
never too late to join the party! Thanku for you encouragement it means the world to me. 
today I am really thinking being a middle aged woman going thru this probably doesn’t help if u know what I mean. 
bloody hormones. 
Thanku universe for the rollercoaster ride I never lined up for. 
🖕😂

❤️lots of love to u Katz. I hope ur well xx

[[Th...]]

Shayna,

It's a late wave.  I can guarantee it.  I'm going on 8 years off and i still get hit by insomnia only late waves.  The worst wave lasted about 2 month at 3 years off.  Then I had a few more at 4, 5 and 6 years off.  The longest those lasted was 2 - 6 weeks.  They always evened out.  I know this sucks and seems hopeless right now, but it WILL even out for sure.  On the other hand I've gone over 1.5 years without any off nights or waves.  The past two years have been those one off nights maybe once per month but they're normally not zero nights although I still get one or two of those per year.  Hang in there.  Time is on your side.  Peace!

[[Ju...]]

https://m.facebook.com/ParkWestGallery/videos/watch-wyland-paint-his-101st-whaling-wall-mural-in-seattle/372744943656852/

8 hours ago, [[S...] said:

Oh no Justin not u too. As much as it helps to hear I’m not alone i sure didn’t want to see so many saying they were right there in the trenches with me.

im really sorry things are so tough for you Justin. I was just saying to my hubby it’s been 5 years since all this started for me. Too long. 
 

Seattle!?!? Omg the coolest place on earth! I bought tickets a couple of weeks ago to see Pearl Jam when they come out here. Wave or no wave nothing will keep me from Eddie!!! 
I hope things change for u soon too mate. So many wounded soldiers here 😔

Yes, Eddie Vedder painted the mural that I see on a daily basis out of my living room window, at the Edgewater Hotel, in Seattle. I'm looking down at the Puget Sound, and there's a big 100ft+ ft mural that's painted blue and green with orcas swimming.

Him and John Wyland painted it for good cause, to save the remaining orca pods that call my area home. The rock stars frequently stay at the hotel across my street, so that's why they painted it there, for a random quick fact. Another couple blocks from my place is the Rockstar Museum, over by the space needle, he's got a whole entire memorable section of the museum donated to Pearl Jam with their original drums and guitars and posters from back in the '90s, and lots of cool music paraphernalia. I saw that last year.

Yes there's many soldiers on here, years of suffering. Some of us created our own mistakes, some of us got injured by doctors without any mistakes. Either way we're all in it together, and we all heal eventually. It would be cool if the withdrawal hurried up though, right?

 

Edited March 10 by [Ju...]
Inserted link to mural

[[Ju...]]

8 hours ago, [[S...] said:

Oh no Justin not u too. As much as it helps to hear I’m not alone i sure didn’t want to see so many saying they were right there in the trenches with me.

im really sorry things are so tough for you Justin. I was just saying to my hubby it’s been 5 years since all this started for me. Too long. 
 

Seattle!?!? Omg the coolest place on earth! I bought tickets a couple of weeks ago to see Pearl Jam when they come out here. Wave or no wave nothing will keep me from Eddie!!! 
I hope things change for u soon too mate. So many wounded soldiers here 😔

Here's the mural I was referring to...

 

https://m.facebook.com/ParkWestGallery/videos/watch-wyland-paint-his-101st-whaling-wall-mural-in-seattle/372744943656852/

[[he...]]

9 hours ago, [[S...] said:

Oh I honey not you too. I am exactly in that place. Constant trying to live then wondering if I can make those plans coz if I’m in a bad place it’s gunna be rough. 
oh honey, maybe try to reframe the trip? That your family can help with ur daughter so you can take some much needed time to urself? Lie on the beach with a book? 
I know how hard it is, Thanku for jumping in here to help me x ❤️ If u ever need support make sure u msg me ok x 

I was good for a long time, but since my brother in law passed I just can’t seem to balance out again. X
 

Its Costa Rica where i lived 10 yrs b4 i had my kid. Its one of my favorite places on earth but stupid me went there in late acute not realising this benzo stuff was NOT nearly over, lets just say my biggest stretch of 0 hr (or near 0) happened there, like 5 days in a row, so there is some trauma there. Also family was complicated that trip because covid, but they seem happy and fine now and even if this trip willbe very rough it can never the hell be as bad as the last one, feeling id die or lose my mind every moment. With 8 my kid is still to young to roam free and family will only watch her very little, but thats ok. And her fathrr lives there and he is the most irresponsible person. I will try to enjoy on my better days and will post a pic here of the glorious beach. Here in Holland i live right by the beach too, willpost a pic.

I actually had a much better period too somewhere between month 22 and 25... i cant really remember because i didnt write it down. Wasnt back to normal but most days like hey i can absolutely live like this! I even had a very stressful move that was 2 months of stress and exhaustion and i was still in my window to my surprise. Then the day after the move i got a mycoplasma bacteria and was ill 2 weeks but still in my window, then a few days after i got ill my kid got it but she was super ill, like bronchitis and that lasted 23 days of her not being able to even walk i was so scared and stressed and just many doctors apppintments, the 2 days b4 she got well the super shit benzo sleep came back with lots of the neuro symptoms too, jerks, zaps, explpding head... and since then month 26 its just been up and down, wavy... i do get an ok week here and there, but its not sticking anymore and way too many days i still feel sooo damaged. Just had a super broken toxic sleep night again, maybe did get 4 hrs so not too bad but still 4 days in a row of feeling various shades of crap.

Goodluck to you all 💕

 

[[he...]]

8 hours ago, [[S...] said:

Thanku Katz ❤️
never too late to join the party! Thanku for you encouragement it means the world to me. 
today I am really thinking being a middle aged woman going thru this probably doesn’t help if u know what I mean. 
bloody hormones. 
Thanku universe for the rollercoaster ride I never lined up for. 
🖕😂

❤️lots of love to u Katz. I hope ur well xx

Omg this too!!! Id just turned 40 when the benzo shit happened and now i am close to 43, i am like what if perimenopause is part of it, but i was absolutely fine until the day i took the benzo. Never had a bad night in my life or the neuro things. Id be too scared to take hrt, you?

[[Sh...]]

9 hours ago, [[T...] said:

Shayna,

It's a late wave.  I can guarantee it.  I'm going on 8 years off and i still get hit by insomnia only late waves.  The worst wave lasted about 2 month at 3 years off.  Then I had a few more at 4, 5 and 6 years off.  The longest those lasted was 2 - 6 weeks.  They always evened out.  I know this sucks and seems hopeless right now, but it WILL even out for sure.  On the other hand I've gone over 1.5 years without any off nights or waves.  The past two years have been those one off nights maybe once per month but they're normally not zero nights although I still get one or two of those per year.  Hang in there.  Time is on your side.  Peace!

the way u are the best. Thanku so much for always reassuring me by telling me what u went thru. I do know now that I’m in for the long haul. I realise it’s non linear but it’s such a bitter pill to swallow when ur doing so well for so long to get smashed again. 
but all my friends here are telling the same story here. At least we can always rely on that if we are doing it tough so are a bunch of us. Always hard to hear others are suffering, but at least we can sympathize 
we’re in it together 💪🏾
thanks again for reassuring me 🙏🏼

Edited March 10 by [Sh...]

[[Sh...]]

1 hour ago, [[J...] said:

https://m.facebook.com/ParkWestGallery/videos/watch-wyland-paint-his-101st-whaling-wall-mural-in-seattle/372744943656852/

Yes, Eddie Vedder painted the mural that I see on a daily basis out of my living room window, at the Edgewater Hotel, in Seattle. I'm looking down at the Puget Sound, and there's a big 100ft+ ft mural that's painted blue and green with orcas swimming.

Him and John Wyland painted it for good cause, to save the remaining orca pods that call my area home. The rock stars frequently stay at the hotel across my street, so that's why they painted it there, for a random quick fact. Another couple blocks from my place is the Rockstar Museum, over by the space needle, he's got a whole entire memorable section of the museum donated to Pearl Jam with their original drums and guitars and posters from back in the '90s, and lots of cool music paraphernalia. I saw that last year.

Yes there's many soldiers on here, years of suffering. Some of us created our own mistakes, some of us got injured by doctors without any mistakes. Either way we're all in it together, and we all heal eventually. It would be cool if the withdrawal hurried up though, right?

Amazing! To have been there in the 90s would have been next level. Definitely the starting place for some unbelievable musicians and bands. That mural is so cool. I will visit one day. That’s on the list for sure.
I know an awful thing happened to us to bring us all here, but it is pretty amazing to be talking to you all, in so many different places. So I am greatful for that. Talking to you in Seattle?!?! So amazing ❤️
I’m with u mate, we don’t want time to go to fast usually, but in this situation it needs to fly. 

[[Ju...]]

1 minute ago, [[S...] said:

Amazing! To have been there in the 90s would have been next level. Definitely the starting place for some unbelievable musicians and bands. That mural is so cool. I will visit one day. That’s on the list for sure.
I know an awful thing happened to us to bring us all here, but it is pretty amazing to be talking to you all, in so many different places. So I am greatful for that. Talking to you in Seattle?!?! So amazing ❤️
I’m with u mate, we don’t want time to go to fast usually, but in this situation it needs to fly. 

You got a good point, even though it's been hellish for the last four and a half years, it's been a learning experience. I was partying so hard for so long, I had to make lifestyle changes too.

I've learned how to cook good, learned a lot of the ins and outs of life, which foods agree with me and which ones don't, the landscapes I hope to accomplish in the future, the type of lifestyle I want to live, etc.

It would be my dream to heal from this 100% and feel ready to tackle the world, and go move to the top of a snow-capped mountain surrounded by evergreen trees and streams and waterfalls. Just me and mother nature, nobody else around for miles. I've lived the city life in many areas for a long time, it's time to get back to nature.

What parts of the world is everybody else from? I think this is my first time speaking to this crowd on benzo buddies, and I've been around a long time.