Again

[[Sh...]]

I can’t believe I’m back asking for support but here I am. My god it’s been rough for me lately. My sleep is very bad again. And I’m just so exhausted from the fight. I’m laying in the dark in tears again and feeling the doom. I can’t believe I’m back here again. 
It’s just a late wave. That’s what I’m telling myself anyway. 
I don’t think my heart can take much more. 
So I’ve come here to see if anyone experienced this so far off? I’m almost 3 years off. 

Edited March 8 by [Sh...]

[[...]]

I am so sorry to hear this Shayna. You know you’re a warrior even if you don’t feel like it right now. I cannot speak to if it’s a late wave or not because I’m not 3 years off yet and I haven’t even had a window.  I know how it feels to lay in the dark and cry. I do that a lot. Plus the bad news about Christy isn’t helping either. I hope it resolves itself for you soon though.

Edited March 8 by [...]

[[ka...]]

I believe it's a late wave my Shayna. It will pass. The brain is healing, the brain is healing. This symptom is your bodies way of communicating to you it is doing its job. You are safe and loved. Repeat and repeat and then repeat again. Sending light and love.

 

-kanoba

[[Sh...]]

Thanku buddies. This is the place I come because I know my poor friends here understand. This is beyond cruel what we have to go thru. 
yes coming here to see Christie is gone just broke my heart a little bit more. 
but I still know there’s a reason we are all here. We have to stay here and fight and I will never stop. But I’m tired u know? I’m so fucking tired of this shit.

[[...]]

I’m tired as well. Literally and figuratively. I guess we really have no other choice but to fight and hope for better days

[[Sh...]]

Yeah that’s all we can do. Keep fighting. But today it feels like there’s no end in sight. At least early on it’s like yep a year or so and I’ll be doing better but now it’s like faaaaaaaaaaaaaaark when is this going to be overrrrrrrrrrrrrrr. 
im like the annoying kid in the back seat of the car saying “are we there yet?!” Every 5 minutes. 

[[ka...]]

amen Shayna, and who care's... as long as you arrive... who cares... namaste

[[Sh...]]

I’ve run out of snacks tho kabobs. And I only have this 1 dvd and I can’t watch this movie anymore coz I’ve seen it 500 times. You know? 
ugh 😩 

[[ka...]]

fakkkkk yes... the feeling never gets better 1 year off 3 years off 4 years off... one bad night sets off a whole slew of questions and doubting and waiting waiting waiting for the night to come to hope that the next night is better and all seems normal only to do it all again down the road sooner than we like.. fakkk this journey... I guess it's perspective.. we have a safe warm dry place to lay while we wait for morning... we are not in a war torn city... the human body is amazing.. 

 

here's to the strong women on international women's day... those that have slept and those that haven't, here's to them even more.

[[Sh...]]

And my mum and dad are playing like, abba and phantom of the opera or some shit that makes me wanna tear my hair out. 
that is it. Being trapped in a car u can’t control watching the same movie, while phantom of the opera is playing. 
and the doors are locked 🤣

That’s what benzo withdrawal feels like 

[[ka...]]

absolutely... but hang on b.c one day you will be left to tell this story if you chose and if you never want to speak of it again then you have that choice... hang on to each second and make it through the next one and the next one.. make a video showing yourself and make another video after that one... then look back and see how far you have come... dig as deep as you can distract... accept.. if you can crawl to your car go there and scream as to not wake the others .. pat yourself on the back for making if through another night of hell alone.. keep the hope that you are not abnormal this is just the process... and fight for the life you want.. 

 

 

[[Sh...]]

Thanks honey x I might go for a little walk in the sunshine and try to shake this feeling off. ❤️
every day feels like Groundhog Day. 

[[ka...]]

that is the BEST option... u lil fighter u 

[[...]]

We must have the same DVD, lol. I’ve watched this show 835 times since November 24th, 2021. I sure would like to see a new one that has a happier ending. I love it when the hero wins at the end.

[[Sh...]]

Oh man. Where is Oprah right now? 

“you get a new dvd!”

”and you get a new dvd!”

I can’t see that bitch anywhere 😂

[[2c...]]

Shayna I'm so sorry you're having a rough time.  I can't believe it's been 3 years! I haven't been off 3 years... only 1 day. Finally!  During the last few brutal months of my taper I had to try to get through a minute at a time and remember that I actually have had some  positive days compared to a year ago. 
 

You're up for it!!' Your strength really helped me out in the past!! 😊

[[Sh...]]

Oh 2 cats!!!! Is this a jump party!!!! Whoop whoop jump partyyyyyy!

you are off!!!! I’m so happy for u honey xx 

I remember those early days so well. Oh honey I feel u. It’s rough ❤️

im actually 3 years off it june. So I’ve jumped the gun a bit. 
 

[[be...]]

Shayna girl...you hang on, and do not let go of the dreams you have, you will have everyone of them again and more. I think your Brain is fine tuning right now, and since you had sleep issues, it must be what it needs to keep on the long walk to complete healing. Never ever give up...please you are such a wonderful Lady and I know just how strong you are.

💖 Peace and Healing.

[[...]]

@[Sh...] you’re amazing. Even in your worst moments you still celebrate  others for their successes!! 😍

[[Sh...]]

Guys ur making me teary. Thank u for you beautiful words. Gosh I wish I could meet u guys in real life to give u a huge hug 🤗 

Thanku beautiful kebob, X-ray begood snd 2cats. 

[[Sh...]]

[[Sh...]]

Just now, [[S...] said:

Well it’s blowing a gale, cloudy day down under. I feel like crap but god damn it I have a tan to work on so 💪🏾😂

[[...]]

My dream vacation has always been to visit my Aussie brothers and sisters. I hope I can one day make it to the land down under. If I do I will most definitely be looking your ass up to show me the sights. 🥳

[[Sh...]]

I hope u do mate! We will be having ourselves a gigantic beer or 2. Maybe non alcoholic 🤣 I sure hope not tho. Kinda sick of having breaks on. I feel like it would be similar to 2 blokes catching up having a beer after being in the war. 😮‍💨

[[de...]]

Shayna!!!!!  You are a badass!   You will get through this wave.   One day at a time....one day at a time.   I will be four years on March 15!!!  Cannot believe I have made it this far!!!  Let's get you over the finish line!!!!!!