The Long Hold Support Group

[[Tr...]]

Ginger I sent you a pm..a long one. I hope it went through. I went back to re read it and I couldn't find it in my sent messages. Let me know if you got it! ❤️

[[Sc...]]

Hi guys.

Thanks so much for all of the feedback & love, Vali, Dehy, Olive. Forgive if short or long-Struggling today.

And Trishy, thanks for rembering me & I'm so glad youR lump is ok & you are feeling better.

 

I went to pcp today, (for other issue)who pretty muck knows my story & most of my 𝙸𝚜𝚜𝚞𝚎𝚜 & always holds things in confidence when I ask. I was depressed & anxious & im a blabber Mouth. I just had , not just this, but other medical issues I really needed his assistance with, since I'm so limited in my abilities right now. IE I need PT badly but can't drive myself there(B/C of visual distortions) & not emotionally stable enough too right now.

 

So we were trying to cover a lot of territory. He said not to worry about eye doc. Be vague, say it comes & goes & give only 1-2sxs & maybe say, I think maybe it may have to do with long term benzodiazepine I've been on that I'm going to ask my p doc about., if it seems eye doc needs/wants that info. Can't remember it all! I saw this eye doc with these sxs months ago for med exam, so he's bound to ask. I wasn't detailed about all visual issues & none Of the head stuff.

 

said he thinks I should tell my pdoc my sxs, that he doesn't think he'll cut me off. To tell him it just started recently, I think..?.We didn't get a chance to talk about all that pdoc might do, cause I'm on 2 benzos, could force a cross etc. Fast taper etc.

Pcp & I have a follow up after eye exam, next week. He said if pdoc cuts me off he'll catch me & script for me, but like I said, it's not just cut off that pdoc could do, right? You feel me.? Ug I'm anxious.

What do you all think? Should I tell pdoc within a week? Wait & talk with pcp again? I just went through big back & forth with pdoc office to get .25X instead of .5s. It got messed up a bit at first but then pdoc office got it right & was nice enough to call after hours for this request by me. Also, we just had follow up, maybe a month ago & I didn't mention anything. I just don't know how to do it & or how much info? Definitely couldn't say how long.

What do you all think about me telling pdoc?

Please tell me if this is TMI, so I can delete. I'm anxious & cog fogged & that's what I do when I'm like that...ramble,panic, come back & delete.

I'm holding right now.

I'll do my best to continue.

I trust you guys. It's just hard to believe the sxs will go away after all this time with a hold. DR & visual distortions are bad. Sometimes better or worse but always there. Someone else mentioned that my only way out was to taper.

Another suggested it could be interdose k withdrawl & to try moving  some k to day time.

Sorry ramble hope makes sense-oh & the cog fog-never had such bad short term memory before. Makes me wonder if it's X & makes me want to taper. I've taken x before, but seems short term memory got worse after the 1/2 cross too.

Much love & thanks

Scaredie ❤️❤️❤️

[[va...]]

Scaredie I really think you need a long hold to give your cns the time to stabilize before you keep tapering. I wouldn't tell the psych doctor more than you need to keep getting your prescription. Why risk any changes? All you need is your prescription. The hold, the taper and everything else will be planned by you based on your sxs, so I don't know why you'd want to try to convince your p doc of your sxs. He could make unwanted changes. I'd just keep the status quo with him to keep getting your prescription. Then taper at your own pace. That's just my opinion. I hope you find what works for you. I'd hold until you feel real real strong. When I see someone doubting so much about everything, I remember this being a symptom when I tapered myself into hell. It got better with a long hold but it took ages. As long as I keep improving, I'll keep holding. Good luck 🍀

[[Ma...]]

Mary, Ginger, Olive, Kit and Scardie( yes I remember you Scardie! ❤️) Thank you all for your kind words. These past few days have been hell with the anxiety. I just can't thank you all enough for the support. Big gi- normous hugs for all of you! 😘❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

I ended up going to ER this morning bc my Dr's office was closed today 😡 anyway I went to a very well known hospital ER in Connecticut. I wanted smart Dr's lolol!

Dr said it is a swollen lymph node and just to watch it to see if it gets bigger. He said he was not concerned at all and to try not to worry about it. He doesn't think it's anything serious. He said if he were my PCP he wouldn't do a thing about it. So it did give me some relief. If it does get bigger then it's a trip to my Dr for further examination I guess. I'm hoping he's right and it will just resolve. Honestly ladies I have not had anxiety like this in ages! 🤦‍♀️ Just sooooo bad 😞

I'm better now and I'm having a cup of decaf green tea! I'm relaxing and not watching news!!

I hope you all are doing ok today, just wanted to pop in to thank you all. I LOVE this group!

Lots of love to all of you!

Trishy 😘❤️

 

Trishy, I am so glad to hear that , I know our minds jump to the worst imaginable thing.  I know you feel lots better.  Do keep an eye on it , but I know it will just gradually go away.  I didn't sleep well last night, my fault, I forgot to take my night time dose at the normal time, so it took me a long time to go to sleep.  No don't watch the news.  It will only make you angry and you need to relax.  Poor Rich, I know he is thrilled you are not as anxious.  He is such a good guy  .    Love ya girlfriend,

Mary 🙋🏼🙋🏼😘😘😘😘😘🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏😷.      ❣️♥️💕💕♥️❣️

[[ja...]]

trishy, I am so glad you are doing better and that your anxiety calmed down.

I had a swollen lymph node before and it went away.

I have been thinking about you.

 

[[ja...]]

Ow man. I have been not good. Heart palpitations,  teeth chattering, migraine, fear are back. My breasts feel like they are ready to explode. And I haven't started to taper yet.

[[Tr...]]

trishy, I am so glad you are doing better and that your anxiety calmed down.

I had a swollen lymph node before and it went away.

I have been thinking about you.

Oh thank you so much Jasmine. I appreciate the support my friend. I think my lump may be a tiny bit smaller today. 🤞🙏 I hope you're doing ok. Seems a lot of us are struggling these days. ❤️

 

 

[[Tr...]]

Ow man. I have been not good. Heart palpitations,  teeth chattering, migraine, fear are back. My breasts feel like they are ready to explode. And I haven't started to taper yet.

Oh girlfriend I think it's pms doing a number on you again. I think it's time for some self care. I know you have kids but you have to find time especially during pms to pamper as much as possible. I wonder if melatonin might help calm you. I don't think it would hurt to try. I use to take melatonin gummies to sleep but I think it could also help to calm your nerves. Just a thought. 🤔

 

[[Tr...]]

Mary, Ginger, Olive, Kit and Scardie( yes I remember you Scardie! ❤️) Thank you all for your kind words. These past few days have been hell with the anxiety. I just can't thank you all enough for the support. Big gi- normous hugs for all of you! 😘❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

I ended up going to ER this morning bc my Dr's office was closed today 😡 anyway I went to a very well known hospital ER in Connecticut. I wanted smart Dr's lolol!

Dr said it is a swollen lymph node and just to watch it to see if it gets bigger. He said he was not concerned at all and to try not to worry about it. He doesn't think it's anything serious. He said if he were my PCP he wouldn't do a thing about it. So it did give me some relief. If it does get bigger then it's a trip to my Dr for further examination I guess. I'm hoping he's right and it will just resolve. Honestly ladies I have not had anxiety like this in ages! 🤦‍♀️ Just sooooo bad 😞

I'm better now and I'm having a cup of decaf green tea! I'm relaxing and not watching news!!

I hope you all are doing ok today, just wanted to pop in to thank you all. I LOVE this group!

Lots of love to all of you!

Trishy 😘❤️

 

Trishy, I am so glad to hear that , I know our minds jump to the worst imaginable thing.  I know you feel lots better.  Do keep an eye on it , but I know it will just gradually go away.  I didn't sleep well last night, my fault, I forgot to take my night time dose at the normal time, so it took me a long time to go to sleep.  No don't watch the news.  It will only make you angry and you need to relax.  Poor Rich, I know he is thrilled you are not as anxious.  He is such a good guy  .    Love ya girlfriend,

Mary 🙋🏼🙋🏼😘😘😘😘😘🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏😷.      ❣️♥️💕💕♥️❣️

Oh my dear friend it has been quite the ride on the old "anxiety train" 😳

I am feeling better and am hopeful this lump will disappear. It seems a tad bit smaller today, just hope that's not wishful thinking.

I'm sorry you didn't get good sleep last night. Did you forget your med entirely or just took it earlier or later then usual? Anywho girlfriend I hope you had a good day.

I went shopping today and found some cheap Christmas ornaments at Walmart. I was surprised at some of the Walmart had. They stepped up their game with their goods lol!

Hope to talk to you soon lady.

Love you!

Trishy ❤️

[[Gi...]]

Ow man. I have been not good. Heart palpitations,  teeth chattering, migraine, fear are back. My breasts feel like they are ready to explode. And I haven't started to taper yet.

 

Oh Jasmine, sorry you're having a bad day.  That was yesterday for me.  Anxiety through the roof.  I'm much better today.  My cardiologist has called in an rx for calming my heart and better controlling my BP.  Benzo taper has really messed with my BP.

 

I never had pms much, but many of my friends did.  Take care and I hope tomorrow will be better.  Have some tea and watch a Christmas movie.  It helped me.  Ginger

 

 

[[...]]

Hi LHSG!

 

I'm at .80 mgs and doing OK except I've been really short tempered lately and get mad at nothing. I'm like WTF is wrong with me? Kinda depressed.

 

Trishy, I'm glad things turned out good. BTW, you might want to switch to black tea. Green tea has a lot of glutamate.

 

Jasmine, sorry you're going through it. I don't know if it's benzos that mess with your hormones or your hormones that make your symptoms worst. That said, it definitely causes cortisol surges.

 

Scardie, welcome aboard. You'll get some really good support and advice here.

 

 

[[Tr...]]

Hi LHSG!

 

I'm at .80 mgs and doing OK except I've been really short tempered lately and get mad at nothing. I'm like WTF is wrong with me? Kinda depressed.

 

Trishy, I'm glad things turned out good. BTW, you might want to switch to black tea. Green tea has a lot of glutamate.

 

Jasmine, sorry you're going through it. I don't know if it's benzos that mess with your hormones or your hormones that make your symptoms worst. That said, it definitely causes cortisol surges.

 

Scardie, welcome aboard. You'll get some really good support and advice here.

Thank you Jwl and I'll switch to black tea.. Don't want to rock the glutamate boat 😳

Congrats on .80 ! I'm sure the mood swings ( anger, depression) are part of that deal but will settle down when your body adjusts to that amount. That's been my experience at least as I get lower.

Trishy ❤️

[[ja...]]

Thank you all for your kind word

This is a lonely path

My husband is happy that I am back on the meds since I am not suicidal anymore. But I worry.

I worry that valium is not working anymore that is why I only get 5 hours of sleep on 5mg, and the shake, the sensitivity to light and noise are back, cortisol surge , heart palps.

My husband reminded me that I say this each time I have my periods.

 

How does being stable feel?

Are you supposed to have such bad pms?

[[ki...]]

Having a crap day so far here. Bad anxiety and sleep sucked. I was tapering again, but I’ll be holding for a while now to let things settle down. Hoping this settles soon.

 

Jasmine, I’m right there with you. This stinks. Us ladies are saddled with the extra fun of major hormone fluctuations. I think it will settle for you, but it will take time.

[[Tr...]]

Hi all,

 

Sorry some of us are suffering at the moment. Not much we can do about those ups and downs, is there?

It's a case of going with the flow.

I hope you're all doing better again asap.

 

My bad cold is almost gone. Still a bit of coughing in the mornings, but that's it.

Too bad my feet are getting more and more painful these last few weeks. At times it's almost hurting too much to go for a walk. After sitting down for a while, things improve enough to go for that walk anyway.

 

I had a swollen lymph node in my left cheek this spring and summer. Went to see a few doctors. They all said it was probably nothing. "...A reaction to something..." And it slowly got smaller again. It's now back to normal. But it had my worried,  I must admit.

 

Stay safe. Stay strong!

[[ja...]]

Kit, are you still on effexor? Does it help?

How was your pms when you held for a while?

I hope mine will get better.

Is 3 months hold not very long?

[[Tr...]]

Ladies I’m tired. Its been over 7 months since I’m off all medications, I mean how much more can we take of this! I’m so tired. Im due to start my period next week and already I feel off again. Sleep is affected, twitching in my brain like brainzaps like sensations. Cortisol surges keeping me up for hours at night. Hunger pangs, I have to eat in the middle of the night! I mean...! How are we expected to function and hold down jobs!? I wasn’t even on these poisonous meds for that long, why am I having such a hard time still! I feel cursed! I AM TIRED ladies! Please help. The bad thoughts are creeping up on me again. I’m so tired of crying because of this. And I still have constant ringing in my ears. When does this stop! This is cruel, honestly.

[[ki...]]

Jasmine, yes I’m on Effexor still. I don’t know if it’s helping or not as I’ve been on it almost the entire time I’ve been on Benzos. So maybe, maybe not. My PMS has lessened a lot since July (one day where it felt like acute withdrawal). I had a couple bad patches, but they haven’t been as severe. I haven’t held more than a month, but now that I’m getting lower I think holding is a good idea. I think whether a hold is long or not depends on the person. I think holding a bit longer after what you went through would be wise.

[[va...]]

Hi LHSG!

 

I'm at .80 mgs and doing OK except I've been really short tempered lately and get mad at nothing. I'm like WTF is wrong with me? Kinda depressed.

 

Trishy, I'm glad things turned out good. BTW, you might want to switch to black tea. Green tea has a lot of glutamate.

 

Jasmine, sorry you're going through it. I don't know if it's benzos that mess with your hormones or your hormones that make your symptoms worst. That said, it definitely causes cortisol surges.

 

Scardie, welcome aboard. You'll get some really good support and advice here.

 

Hi Jwl. Benzo rage was a very common symptom for me when I was tapering. I'm sure you'll hold a while until it subsides, and it will 😊

[[ki...]]

I think that benzo rage is a symptom of depression, as anger can be a sign even though many don’t recognize it. I learned this from both my therapist and my sister (who is a licensed clinical social worker), two different people btw, in case that wasn’t clear.  I didn’t start having benzo rage until lower doses, I notice when I hold it is much more manageable, but I haven’t had it go away completely.

[[va...]]

Hi Kitsune. I agree that common anger is very often masking sadness. However, benzo rage is just a symptom like muscle stiffness. I don't like therapists wanting to explain benzo wd symptoms in the same way you can explain emotional trauma symptoms. Of course they can overlap, but I really think one can have benzo rage with it not having any connection with depression. It's a consequence of brain injury, in a major or lesser degree. Just my opinion of course. We don't all have to agree on everything.

[[ki...]]

VNM, I agree it’s a symptom, I just meant that WD (at least for me) causes depression and the rage is a symptom of that. Of course there’s no one-size-fits all in this process. ❤️

 

I should add that when I mentioned benzo rage as a separate symptom unrelated to depression, my therapist actually accepted that as a possibility.

[[tr...]]

Trying : BIG HUGS to you... they should call this this exhausted phase. Acute is the survival phase..and then this phase is just like we're in a weird holding pattern with just enough to torture us!

 

You can do this. You will thrive again. WE will thrive again. WE're still so sensitive to hormone changes, and food, and stress - I now you know all this:)

 

What does your typical day look like? What re you able to do on average? What can you do now that you couldn't 7 months ago?

 

[[...]]

Hi LHSG!

 

I'm at .80 mgs and doing OK except I've been really short tempered lately and get mad at nothing. I'm like WTF is wrong with me? Kinda depressed.

 

Trishy, I'm glad things turned out good. BTW, you might want to switch to black tea. Green tea has a lot of glutamate.

 

Jasmine, sorry you're going through it. I don't know if it's benzos that mess with your hormones or your hormones that make your symptoms worst. That said, it definitely causes cortisol surges.

 

Scardie, welcome aboard. You'll get some really good support and advice here.

 

Hi Jwl. Benzo rage was a very common symptom for me when I was tapering. I'm sure you'll hold a while until it subsides, and it will 😊

 

Thanks Val. I know it will subside, in fact I feel better today. It's a scary when you feel like you're losing your grasp on reality. I guess that's why they call crazy people mad 

[[St...]]

Morning LHSG hoping everyone has a better day.

Morning Trish thank God l missed that one 😃. Honestly honey you are grand.l really wish you could get that damn anxiety lower.l know it is definitely harder to get on top of during withdrawal however it definitely is doable.l know you are working hard on it so keep using all the tools you have learned and please stay away from google.l am struggling to get on at the moment as we are hectic covid cases are overloading the health service and we are going back into lockdown on Friday.Can't say l am pleased.We must learn to live with this virus or we are doomed.Awe well let's see how this pans out.l will be back when l get time.love you my lST X

Morning Troch be patient honey.l have found in withdrawal it takes me longer to recover from a virus than it would normally.Give yourself time and continue to do what you can.Glad you are starting to improve.Hang in there.love you X

Morning Jasmine remember this will ease off when your period starts.I think if you weren't like this before your crash it will settle down.Hang in there and try not to panic.love you.X

Morning JWL right there with you mate 😡. Have to say l don't know if it is withdrawal or just the problems we are all facing at this time.l would imagine a bit of both.Well done you are getting there woohoo 🎊🎉. Love you.X

Morning Suzy don't beat yourself up honey and please don't push everyone away.We are here for you and want to help you if we can.l think you should stay put for as long as is necessary and allow everything to settle down.love you X

Morning Nova Kit lady Mary Esperanza NJ GP OliveVal Lil  Meems Free Intend Gilly Final Ginger and everyone here sending you my love.X