The Long Hold Support Group

[[su...]]

Trina, glad to see I’m not the only one who thinks so lovingly of perimenopause 😆 and happy to hear your symptoms have lessened in severity!  Celebratory victory for those milestones for sure.

 

Elizabeth, I hope your welcome to the 40 club was a good one this summer (aside this nightmare mess, of course).  I’m with you about the last few days being brutal.  Not that things were great, but I felt like things were coasting much lighter and then bam, nope, not so much. 

 

Finding a little relief in reading responses from kindred brave souls.  Have a good night, everyone. 

 

Best,

 

Amanda

[[tr...]]

Love baby cuddles, but I know I do not have the energy to chase little ones 24/7 anymore!

[[Tr...]]

Thanks for all the baby talk ladies, it reassures me that I will be able to fall pregnant as well.... I’m 35 and my husband and I don’t have kids yet, we had planned to start this year... our plans got derailed by these damn drugs... . I hope healing goes fast so we can try in 18 months, I’ll be almost 37 years then and 25 months off. I’ll have to pop the babies out quick as we wanted 3 kids, hope we can at least get to 2.... anyway, the creator of this board was on BB for 3 years. And a few other ladies who were on this board it seems the longest they stayed on the site is 3 years. So hopefully we will be off sooner...

[[Tr...]]

Good morning LHSG hoping everyone has a better day.

Morning Olive always good to see a post from you.How is your back?Is it any easier?How is your mum is she able to stay in her home?l am so glad you were able to get away from the fires etc .How are you settling into Portland?l hope everything is going smoothly for you honey.love you X

Morning Trish have to say l would imagine we have all done that from time to time not a big deal just try not to do it too often.What were the kids fighting about now?I think it's long overdue you tell them to leave you out of it.I would never have involved my mother in an argument mainly because she would have taken my husband's side 😵.I know old habits die hard honey but it is for your own mental health l think you need to be firm.They will learn.I hope you are doing ok with the cut?All the same this end will be back next week sometime.Love you my lST X

Morning LWT, Troch Val Final Bill Miyu NJ Nova Esperanza Intend Gilly Valley Free Lady Mary GP, Suzy Jasmine Ginger Meems Kit and everyone here sending you my love.X

Hey twin,

Glad to hear that all is well on your end. How is work going? Are you enjoying it? I wish I could go back to my old job but soon I'll have the baby to watch. I think I get him October 23rd then life becomes very challenging for me.

 

I let them both have it when they upset me with their nonsense! I was so angry that they upset me the way they did. I told them not to bother me with their marriage problems. I'll spare you all the details but they got the message, so much so that I think they're not all that happy with me right now and I really don't give a damn how they feel. I have a lot on my mind between worrying about covid and the state of my country.. Well everything just seems depressing right now.

 

My cut is going well so far besides the screw up with dosage that one day

 

So I'm going out with two of my sister's today. We're driving out of state for a shopping trip. I do have some anxiety about it but I'm not going to let that stop me. I'm hoping for a good day regardless.

 

Well my dear tiny little Irish lady I hope you have a nice day at work and I'll catch up with you again next time you're on.

Love you much!

LST ❤️

[[su...]]

Love baby cuddles, but I know I do not have the energy to chase little ones 24/7 anymore!

 

The chasing after my little is most definitely a challenge right now!  I pretty much go to bed when she goes to bed now mostly because insomnia after middle of night wakings still happening but I can at least fall asleep again—and there’s the exhaustion component.  But I do miss the night owl decompression me time.  Hopefully again one day...

 

[[su...]]

Thanks for all the baby talk ladies, it reassures me that I will be able to fall pregnant as well.... I’m 35 and my husband and I don’t have kids yet, we had planned to start this year... our plans got derailed by these damn drugs... . I hope healing goes fast so we can try in 18 months, I’ll be almost 37 years then and 25 months off. I’ll have to pop the babies out quick as we wanted 3 kids, hope we can at least get to 2.... anyway, the creator of this board was on BB for 3 years. And a few other ladies who were on this board it seems the longest they stayed on the site is 3 years. So hopefully we will be off sooner...

 

Oh gosh I sure hope so—for you to start that family (exciting!) and for all of us to be healed sooner than later. 

[[ki...]]

Thanks for all the baby talk ladies, it reassures me that I will be able to fall pregnant as well.... I’m 35 and my husband and I don’t have kids yet, we had planned to start this year... our plans got derailed by these damn drugs... . I hope healing goes fast so we can try in 18 months, I’ll be almost 37 years then and 25 months off. I’ll have to pop the babies out quick as we wanted 3 kids, hope we can at least get to 2.... anyway, the creator of this board was on BB for 3 years. And a few other ladies who were on this board it seems the longest they stayed on the site is 3 years. So hopefully we will be off sooner...

 

May we heal quickly and take the first train to baby town. ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

[[Tr...]]

Thank you,  Olive,

 

I hope your back improves soon!

 

Thankfully I 'm starting to feel better again.

 

You're right about going slow: as long as we're moving, we're headed in the right direction.

 

Stay strong!

[[tr...]]

Trying and Kits: In my head i'm throwing you a baby shower!! You'll get there ladies. 

 

Sunshine: looking at your signature...you jumped this September? Like this month? Sleep returns honey...I sleep now. I've even had 2 little naps. I never thought sleep would return or have sleep that wasn't broken. 

[[bo...]]

anyone feel washed out after your period ?, well still on the last day... i feel dead, flu like sxs thought I was going to pass out... I do think I have low iron, I have been avoiding the blood tests... I have to get up make the effort

feel so weak... hope u have a better weekend

[[ja...]]

Hi all,

Just a quick update. Things have been consistently okayish lately. Since I started decaf tea in the morning,  I am less tired now. I can do more things around the house and with the kids. I still have some stinging feeling on my skin which is annoying but I feel like it is calming down . Not sure, the progress is so subtle though. I am still doing therapy twice a week. It is starting to get expensive but i feel a change in my way of thinking,  more positive. She specialize in hypnosis.

[[tr...]]

bonty..I def get wiped out. I took some iron the other day and my body handled it ok so I think I may make it a part of my routine during that week.

 

But drops in hormones can make you wiped out too. So as levels come back up again so does our energy - at least in a normal body 

[[ki...]]

My period started a day earlier than expected and yes, I feel SO exhausted. Thankfully that awful batch of symptoms I had earlier in the week didn’t last long. I’m hoping this is a sign that things are calming down finally. 🤞🏻

[[bo...]]

bonty..I def get wiped out. I took some iron the other day and my body handled it ok so I think I may make it a part of my routine during that week.

 

But drops in hormones can make you wiped out too. So as levels come back up again so does our energy - at least in a normal body 

trina: Thats true althou I did a cut expecting 2 more weeks till my period and it came before so I think Im also  feeling it, wow the muscle pain geeze :'(

[[Gu...]]

Thanks Mary, Trishy, so good to hear back from you!

Stut, thanks for the inquiries! Unfortunately my back is as bad as ever. It hurts all the time!  :'( :'( I got a referral to see a physical therapist but I can't see them until 10/15. So now this back pain has been going on 9 months. Well, if nothing else, benzo withdrawal has taught us all patience.. My mom is doing well, she is still at the house in Santa Cruz. She loves it there, and she is a very capable 80 year old! She still chops the firewood and is way more social than me! Portland is good, I have been getting out to see friends and go on walks whenever I can. I even started biking again, so happy about that. Getting my life back is slow going, but going none the less. pandemic be damned! Of course taking all the covid precautions. Love you!

 

 

 

 

Your Mom chops wood??  I have deep huge respect for that woman.  I couldn’t have done that at any age!!!!

 

 

Love to all of you.

[[Ol...]]

Thanks Mary, Trishy, so good to hear back from you!

Stut, thanks for the inquiries! Unfortunately my back is as bad as ever. It hurts all the time!  :'( :'( I got a referral to see a physical therapist but I can't see them until 10/15. So now this back pain has been going on 9 months. Well, if nothing else, benzo withdrawal has taught us all patience.. My mom is doing well, she is still at the house in Santa Cruz. She loves it there, and she is a very capable 80 year old! She still chops the firewood and is way more social than me! Portland is good, I have been getting out to see friends and go on walks whenever I can. I even started biking again, so happy about that. Getting my life back is slow going, but going none the less. pandemic be damned! Of course taking all the covid precautions. Love you!

 

 

Your Mom chops wood??  I have deep huge respect for that woman.  I couldn’t have done that at any age!!!!

 

 

Love to all of you.

 

Right?? I never chop wood! She also collects all the fallen branches on the property and turns them into kindling with the circular saw! 

 

Hope everyone is doing alright today.. very slow around here..

 

I'm going to the salon to get my hair done today! First time since December! I'm going to get bangs.. haven't had them since I was 10 or so.... wish me luck!

 

[[Ol...]]

Also, here's a picture of the sweet kitty that I was taking care of this weekend:

 

http://i.imgur.com/FSTQDPi.jpg

[[Gi...]]

Olivekitty,

 

Your mom sounds like my kind of person.  I split my own wood and kindling when I had a wood stove.  I still have my axe and splitting maul.  More power to her, it's good to keep active. G.

 

 

[[Ma...]]

Thanks Mary, Trishy, so good to hear back from you!

Stut, thanks for the inquiries! Unfortunately my back is as bad as ever. It hurts all the time!  :'( :'( I got a referral to see a physical therapist but I can't see them until 10/15. So now this back pain has been going on 9 months. Well, if nothing else, benzo withdrawal has taught us all patience.. My mom is doing well, she is still at the house in Santa Cruz. She loves it there, and she is a very capable 80 year old! She still chops the firewood and is way more social than me! Portland is good, I have been getting out to see friends and go on walks whenever I can. I even started biking again, so happy about that. Getting my life back is slow going, but going none the less. pandemic be damned! Of course taking all the covid precautions. Love you!

 

 

Your Mom chops wood??  I have deep huge respect for that woman.  I couldn’t have done that at any age!!!!

 

 

Love to all of you.

 

Right?? I never chop wood! She also collects all the fallen branches on the property and  turns them into kindling with the circular saw! 

 

Hope everyone is doing alright today.. very slow around here..

 

I'm going to the salon to get my hair done today! First time since December! I'm going to get bangs.. haven't had them since I was 10 or so.... wish me luck!

 

OK, I have bangs and I think they take at least 5 years off  :laugh:  Yes your Mom is amazing.  You have good genes!  LY 🙋🏼🙋🏼🙏🙏😘😷

[[Ma...]]

Also, here's a picture of the sweet kitty that I was taking care of this weekend:

 

http://i.imgur.com/FSTQDPi.jpg

 

Oh, he or she is beautiful.   

[[Da...]]

Hi

 

I've gone down 90% on my K and must have been going too fast and crashed.  I'm functional but have dizziness, anxiety, insomnia and panic in the middle of the night.  I did my last cut about 3 weeks ago, had a terrible panic attack and went up by 0.125.  I'm holding now but feel so discouraged and trapped. 

 

I'm fine doing a long hold but sometimes feel that I need to up my dose slightly and then hold.  I really felt fine when I was down 75% and maybe should have held there or maybe I should reinstate to that level.  I think I would actually be fine just staying on a low dose.

 

I would also just like to have a glass of wine but it makes me feel horrible.

 

I would love to know what you all think based on your experiences.

 

Thanks

[[Ma...]]

Hi Danko,  welcome to Long Hold  .  Gosh, I think that really is a question only you can answer.

Since it's been 3 weeks you might consider holding longer just incase you see some improvement pretty quickly.   

But a lot of people believe when you updose, you should updose back to where you felt better.

So, I think either thing is up to what you believe is better for you. 

If you could stay at 75%, where you feel really stable, a suggestion you might consider, is stay there a long time, and then begin tapering again.  Of course slowly.  We have many people who have been at a low dose and held for a year before they tried tapering again and found it much easier. 

Honestly, with the virus, I would go back to 75% and feel as good as possible for the year you hold and then taper again.    That's is just what I would do.  You definitely have choices. 

Good luck with whatever you decide.  I hope you get some more responses.  Sometimes the weekend is rather slow, but we are here for you!!  Mary 🙋🏼🙋🏼😷

 

 

 

 

 

[[Da...]]

Hi Danko,  welcome to Long Hold  .  Gosh, I think that really is a question only you can answer.

Since it's been 3 weeks you might consider holding longer just incase you see some improvement pretty quickly.   

But a lot of people believe when you updose, you should updose back to where you felt better.

So, I think either thing is up to what you believe is better for you. 

If you could stay at 75%, where you feel really stable, a suggestion you might consider, is stay there a long time, and then begin tapering again.  Of course slowly.  We have many people who have been at a low dose and held for a year before they tried tapering again and found it much easier. 

Honestly, with the virus, I would go back to 75% and feel as good as possible for the year you hold and then taper again.    That's is just what I would do.  You definitely have choices. 

Good luck with whatever you decide.  I hope you get some more responses.  Sometimes the weekend is rather slow, but we are here for you!!  Mary 🙋🏼🙋🏼😷

 

Thanks Mary, I appreciate your insight and help.  Any further taper will certainly be slow and I am going to hold as long as I need.  I'll give my 2 options some more thought and see if others weigh in.

[[Ma...]]

Hi Danko,  welcome to Long Hold  .  Gosh, I think that really is a question only you can answer.

Since it's been 3 weeks you might consider holding longer just incase you see some improvement pretty quickly.   

But a lot of people believe when you updose, you should updose back to where you felt better.

So, I think either thing is up to what you believe is better for you. 

If you could stay at 75%, where you feel really stable, a suggestion you might consider, is stay there a long time, and then begin tapering again.  Of course slowly.  We have many people who have been at a low dose and held for a year before they tried tapering again and found it much easier. 

Honestly, with the virus, I would go back to 75% and feel as good as possible for the year you hold and then taper again.    That's is just what I would do.  You definitely have choices. 

Good luck with whatever you decide.  I hope you get some more responses.  Sometimes the weekend is rather slow, but we are here for you!!  Mary 🙋🏼🙋🏼😷

 

Thanks Mary, I appreciate your insight and help.  Any further taper will certainly be slow and I am going to hold as long as I need.  I'll give my 2 options some more thought and see if others weigh in.

 

[[cl...]]

Reading Danko's post and Mary's reply, I wonder if this (below) is a "long hold" topic?  I posted this in Chewing the Fat, but wasn't sure it belonged there, and I'm pretty desperate for feedback..........

 

Not to discourage anyone else, but I'm not sure I can continue my Klonopin taper.  Not unless I discover some non-benzo that acts like a benzo......that is, a rescue anti-anxiety agent.  Right now I'm considering little bits of the antihistamine Atarax, which supposedly can be used off-label for anxiety.  Or maybe trying CBD oil, everybody's favorite cure-all these days.   But I feel I can't take the daily mental and physical anguish any more.

 

Ironically I take more Klonopin in tapering than I ever did in my life!  I'm not sure Klonopin ever even did anything for me, since I never took it at a prescribed dose.  I took a tiny quarter rarely for years, only regularly a few months this summer.  Taken regularly my panic attacks only got worse, albeit at less than one 0.5 mg pill a day, still way beneath the prescribed dose.  So maybe it would have helped if taken at a prescribed dose?  OR maybe I was already habituated, or maybe paradoxical.  In which case there's no going back in any case.

 

But please understand why I'm considering giving up..........I have NO ONE here to support me, neither doctors, friends or family.  My long-suffering BF is one step out the door, he is so sick of me being sick.  More and more he finds excuses to be away from me.  I can't blame him, but it really hurts.  I have friends, but they're not going to baby-sit me.  I have a loving, dedicated sister who calls me every day, but she lives in another state.  I'm alone, agoraphobic again (that really hurts), barely functional and scared.  Every day feels like walking a tightrope with no safety net.   

 

I might benefit from CBT, but no amount of phone calls has turned up a regular therapist.  Psychiatrists I've talked to don't understand benzo withdrawals, prescribe inappropriate meds, call maybe once a month.  My primary physician asked me why I was determined to quit Klonopin.  He said it was made for people like me, people with panic disorder, and some people really do need to stay on it longterm.  I thought he was wrong, but then, if I did successfully taper, what WOULD I rely on as a rescue med for panic disorder/agoraphobia?  Whether I used it or not, even if I just carried it around with me or took a tiny quarter occasionally, like I used to........Klonopin was my failsafe.  What would replace it?

 

I look at the agony of the weeks, months, years it could take to taper off Klonopin ahead, and consider my lack of support and the time I probably have left in this world.  Having "moderate emphysema" could mean I just have 3-6 years left.  I'd like to make the best of them.  As is, I'm thinking if I continue this taper I will end up in a hospital where they'll mistake my agoraphobic freak-out for psychosis, pump me full of more and worse drugs, stick me in a longterm mental facility, where I'll get covid and die by the end of the year!

 

Every day I think of how much I dearly love my BF, my home, my cat, my sister, my friends, what had been my life, and all of nature......and it brings tears to my eyes!  How do I say good-bye?  I've already lost my hard-won freedom from agoraphobia, and I'm back where I started 30 years ago.......with a 3-5 mile radius.  In the last few years I had become an avid hiker, kayaker and outdoorsperson, going to the places I only dreamed of for 3 decades!  That's me in the photo.  To suddenly lose all the freedom I worked so hard for for so long is like a nightmare.  Especially in autumn......my favorite season.  I think of the places I miss so much and cry every day. 

 

I know its not to be encouraged, but are there circumstances that justify giving up a taper?  If so, should I updose the Klonopin as an experiment to see if it helps?  If it makes me worse, then at least I'd know I was "tolerant" or paradoxical and cannot go back in any case.  Surrendering to Klonopin would not be easy for me either.  I hate and despise drugs, and was on ZERO medications for decades before this disaster.  Now it is just triage for a sinking ship.

 

I'm sorry I sound apostate, and please forgive the self-pity.  Could use some wisdom.  Honest, frank evaluations welcome. 

 

clearbluesky