The Long Hold Support Group

[[De...]]

Thanks v! It's not to bad. Mostly sweating and feeling sort of clear, but to clear. Oh, and agitation.  Bit I'm sure if I wasn't in bwd it wouldn't be too bad. So there's hope. I have to stop theseexperiemts on myself, lol. Hope you are feeling ok! Ly

[[ki...]]

:happybday: Happy Birthday Suzy! ❤️❤️❤️

[[...]]

Happy birthday 🥳. I have a quick question for anyone. How have the long holds helped your moods and overall progress? I keep saying I'm going to hold for a couple of months but then I give in and do a cut. It's been very hard lately. Just wondering if there are real and tangeble benefits of holding?

[[cl...]]

Can I join this group?  I'm a newbie and it was recommended to me by Pamster and Mary5588.

 

thanks!

 

clearbluesky

[[ki...]]

Can I join this group?  I'm a newbie and it was recommended to me by Pamster and Mary5588.

 

thanks!

 

clearbluesky

 

Of course you can! Anyone is free to post here. Welcome! ❤️❤️❤️

[[De...]]

Thanks kitsune!

[[De...]]

Hi ssr,

For me the long hold help alot. My sx are not totally gone but are bearable and my mood does improve. Tjx for wishing me a happy bday!

[[Tr...]]

Happy birthday! 

[[De...]]

Thanks troch!!!❤✌

[[cl...]]

Thanks for welcoming me into this group!  It just so happens one of my questions is the same as SRR! 

SRR asked:

 

"I have a quick question for anyone. How have the long holds helped your moods and overall progress? I keep saying I'm going to hold for a couple of months but then I give in and do a cut. It's been very hard lately. Just wondering if there are real and tangeble benefits of holding?"

 

I'm also wondering if there are times of true peace and contentment while on a hold?  Is that what it means to "stabilize"?

 

thank you, and happy birthday!

 

clearbluesky

 

ps.....my story, for what it's worth.......

Severe depression in early 1980's, antidepressants ineffectual, recovered but left with moderate agoraphobia. In 2005 primary physician prescribed 0.5 mg Klonopin twice daily as needed.  NEVER once took this dose, only rare, occasional 1/4 tablet (0.125 mg) if needed.  (Pretty much pharmaceutical phobic!) 

 

Fast forward to spring 2020: 

 

---March/April:  covid isolation destroyed all my agoraphobia progress.  Depressed, personal health issues, stressful series of medical tests for cancer, lungs, heart, etc.  Terrifying chest pains for months (eventually stopped after Lipitor discontinuation.)  Began taking occasional Klonopin dose (0.125 mg) for stress.

 

---May/June:  began taking one 0.125 mg dose daily as pro-active anxiety preventative.

 

---early July:  quit smoking after 45 years, upped Klonopin to TWO 0.125 mg doses daily to help with withdrawal.

 

---mid-July:  hellish panic attacks led to THREE 0.125 mg doses daily. 

 

---late July:  read online that Klonopin could be causing or worsening the panic attacks, immediately cut back again to TWO 0.125 mg doses.  WORSE panic attacks like delirium, chest pains like charley horses, tachycardia, worsening insomnia, etc. 

 

---late July:  went back to THREE 0.125 mg doses daily (0.375 mg daily total - 3/4 of a 0.5 mg tablet.) 

 

CURRENTLY dry cut 0.375 mg (3/4 of a 0.5 mg tablet) into 6 pieces taken daily:  4 am, 7 am, 10:30 am, 2 pm, 5:30 pm, 9 pm.  Idea is to avoid breakthrough anxiety.  Seemed to work at first, now experiencing  breakthrough panic attacks and anxiety, along with depressed mood, anhedonia.  (Crumbling, dust and powder with dry cuts caused an inadvertant taper?)

 

Want to seriously taper soon but can't imagine mastering the technicalities.  Who can help?  Apparently not primary physicians, psychiatrists, ER, mental hospitals or detox facilities.  Apparently NO medical professionals understand benzos and are liable to screw you up worse........if covid doesn't get you first.  So what to do???

 

[[ja...]]

I went to the dentist yesterday and with the exception of a sore jaw everything's fine. I thought it might throw me into a wave but I actually feel better (clear headed) since the infection has been taken care of.

 

I've decided to start my taper by reducing .01 mg/2 days. This works out to apprx. 16%/month. If I get hit, I plan to hold and slow it down to 10%.

 

V. good to see you back and thanks for explaining to me how percentages work.

 

I'm using the liquid micro taper. I feel it's accurate and easy to do: I take 1 ml of liquid Diazepam add it to 99 ml of water (using a graduated cylinder) and mix it into a baby jar. On the first 2 days, I pour 99 ml of solution into the cylinder and drink it. The next 2 days I pour 98 ml and so on until I'm done.

 

I'm pretty apprehensive if not scared. I've held for 2 years and dealt with my health issues and I feel so good that part of me says "don't fix it if it's not broken". But I know I have to get this poison out of me or I'll never truly heal. And then I have to tackle all the other meds my idiot doc put me on so I still have a long ways to go.

 

Jwl, I am glad to hear that you are feeling  good under valium. I wish I could feel this good.

I.still have heart palpitations and parasetsia sometimes. A lot of fatigue. Easily exhausted . I don't know if it is the valium or the nasty withdrawal that I had prior to that.

My dream would be to taper at stay at a low dose for a while like you.

[[ja...]]

Hi everyone,

It seems that everyone is having a good day

 

I had a wave yesteady aftee cleaning a couch with some toxic product. But today was much better. Slept 10 hours and had 1.5 hours of nap. Going to bed now. I even don't want to think about tapering. My mind doesn't want to go there. I am on FMLA leave. I still need to.rest in the middle of the day , still feeling fragile.

My doc would be okay with me staying  on it for ever since the last episode,  I was suicidal. I don't think she wants to rock the boat. She just know that for me being on valium is very distressing.  I am doing some hypnosis to relieve the stress, and accept to be on valium for the time being until I stabilize.

Each time I have a wave I think "ow no, I am already getting into tolerance " but then I feel  okay.

I am working mantra " valium is a temporary friend. I am.grateful that I can sleep, feel  good and have a productIive life. But our relationship will.be short and we will depart gently and with ease" . The mantra calmed down my anxiety of being back on it.

 

Hope all is well with you.

 

I love your mantra Jasmine.  It's great that it eases your anxiety. G.

 

Thanks ginger, sometimes I feel like it is wishfull thinking but it helps with acceprance with where at I am at.

I don't cry over it anymore thanks to lexapro but still experience an overall sense of malaise which I hope.will dissipate as I stabilize. My periods are coming up too, and i am feeling very fragile. Can't watch fast stuff on Tv, hear bad news...

 

Guys, When you stabilize do these reactions go away?

[[De...]]

I'm catching up, I fell asleep.. give me a minute.

[[...]]

I went to the dentist yesterday and with the exception of a sore jaw everything's fine. I thought it might throw me into a wave but I actually feel better (clear headed) since the infection has been taken care of.

 

I've decided to start my taper by reducing .01 mg/2 days. This works out to apprx. 16%/month. If I get hit, I plan to hold and slow it down to 10%.

 

V. good to see you back and thanks for explaining to me how percentages work.

 

I'm using the liquid micro taper. I feel it's accurate and easy to do: I take 1 ml of liquid Diazepam add it to 99 ml of water (using a graduated cylinder) and mix it into a baby jar. On the first 2 days, I pour 99 ml of solution into the cylinder and drink it. The next 2 days I pour 98 ml and so on until I'm done.

 

I'm pretty apprehensive if not scared. I've held for 2 years and dealt with my health issues and I feel so good that part of me says "don't fix it if it's not broken". But I know I have to get this poison out of me or I'll never truly heal. And then I have to tackle all the other meds my idiot doc put me on so I still have a long ways to go.

 

Jwl, I am glad to hear that you are feeling  good under valium. I wish I could feel this good.

I.still have heart palpitations and parasetsia sometimes. A lot of fatigue. Easily exhausted . I don't know if it is the valium or the nasty withdrawal that I had prior to that.

My dream would be to taper at stay at a low dose for a while like you.

 

Jasmine, you're doing so much better than a month ago. Maybe you should go back and read some of your posts. I'm sorry if the Valium is making you tired. Are you sure that's what it is? I would rather be tired and sleepy than revved up and anxious.

 

For the record I don't believe in tolerance in the sense that it causes WD symptoms. I held for a year at 20 mgs after my CT and only got/felt better. And then for 6 months at 10 mgs and 2 years at 1 mg. Each time the symptoms lessened or went away completely

[[De...]]

Blue sky I just lost my post! Ahh. If you do not feel ready it's ok to hold. Take some time to work on ur coping skills. Walking, mediations, yoga,and there are great anxiety videos on utube. I think covid set us all back. It's ok we can build ourselves back up again. Distract as mu h as you can. I hope this helps. Others will chime in as well to help. You will be ok!

[[cl...]]

Thank you.  You guys are true warriors.  I don't know how you do it.  Personally I don't feel like I can stand one more panic attack like I had this morning.  But I don't know where to go or what to do. 

[[Ma...]]

Good morning everyone! Hope everyone is doing ok. Im doing pretty good. Ly dd

 

Hey meems, what is rhe meditation of the day!

 

Its my bday today!!

 

 

:happybday: :happybday:To DD  :balloon: :clap:

Love you my friend!!  🎂🍰🍦🛍🎈🎈🎈🎈🎈🎈🎁🎁🎁🎁🎁

Mary 🎉🎉🎉🎉

[[Un...]]

I went to the dentist yesterday and with the exception of a sore jaw everything's fine. I thought it might throw me into a wave but I actually feel better (clear headed) since the infection has been taken care of.

 

I've decided to start my taper by reducing .01 mg/2 days. This works out to apprx. 16%/month. If I get hit, I plan to hold and slow it down to 10%.

 

V. good to see you back and thanks for explaining to me how percentages work.

 

I'm using the liquid micro taper. I feel it's accurate and easy to do: I take 1 ml of liquid Diazepam add it to 99 ml of water (using a graduated cylinder) and mix it into a baby jar. On the first 2 days, I pour 99 ml of solution into the cylinder and drink it. The next 2 days I pour 98 ml and so on until I'm done.

 

I'm pretty apprehensive if not scared. I've held for 2 years and dealt with my health issues and I feel so good that part of me says "don't fix it if it's not broken". But I know I have to get this poison out of me or I'll never truly heal. And then I have to tackle all the other meds my idiot doc put me on so I still have a long ways to go.

 

Jwl, I am glad to hear that you are feeling  good under valium. I wish I could feel this good.

I.still have heart palpitations and parasetsia sometimes. A lot of fatigue. Easily exhausted . I don't know if it is the valium or the nasty withdrawal that I had prior to that.

My dream would be to taper at stay at a low dose for a while like you.

 

Jasmine, you're doing so much better than a month ago. Maybe you should go back and read some of your posts. I'm sorry if the Valium is making you tired. Are you sure that's what it is? I would rather be tired and sleepy than revved up and anxious.

 

For the record I don't believe in tolerance in the sense that it causes WD symptoms. I held for a year at 20 mgs after my CT and only got/felt better. And then for 6 months at 10 mgs and 2 years at 1 mg. Each time the symptoms lessened or went away completely

 

This.

 

I tapered down to .5 mg K from 3 mg back from 2013 to 2017. I was exhausted at that point and stopped at .5mg. I was done with the whole thing. I've only improved on it over time. It's been three years and I feel so much better now.

 

Now I'm thinking about tapering again at some point soon. I broke my leg so that has to recover. And I am losing weight on Keto so I can get back to the weight I was before this all began almost a decade ago. The thought of tapering again does not feel comforting as I think more about it. If I do it, I am sure I will stop at some point to take a breather given right now I am sure it would take me several years to get off it. I'm pondering just tapering down to .25 and holding there for a bit. Then maybe .125. Baby steps is where I am at now.

[[De...]]

Thanks mmmmm! Ly dd ❤❤❤🤗😻🧨🎈

[[Ma...]]

Thanks mmmmm! Ly dd ❤❤❤🤗😻🧨🎈

 

:mybuddy: :hug: :yippee:

[[De...]]

[[De...]]

It's not easy clearblue. Acceptance. There are good days and bad days . Waves and windows. Some days you think oh I'm better and the next you feel like your getting worse. It's how the body heals from this drug. You will make it. O e day at a time. I found I've learned some really valuable coping skills and how to deal with my anxiety. I guess in a way I needed to put some work into my anxiety disorder and this forced me. This is not our normal anxiety, but when you get those panic attacks they will pass. They always do. Read about cbt and watch the videos they really help. Better than any drug. Deep breathing! Just keep saying, this too shall pass!

[[Gi...]]

Happy Birthday Suzy!

[[De...]]

Thanks g! Hope your sx are better! Mine are up ar and down, so I slept! Lol

[[Gi...]]

Thanks g! Hope your sx are better! Mine are up ar and down, so I slept! Lol

[/q3uote]

 

Well sleep still affected but good day so far.  I got dizzy and felt headache coming on while driving hime from the store.  I had beans and peaches to can.  I got to work and all symptoms disappeared and I felt great.  Having some belly sx and decreased appetite.  That's not a bad thing, I have  lost seven of the ten covid pounds I gained.

 

I'm happy to hear you can sleep.  Someday I will too. G.