No Longer Believe in Full Healing

[[Tw...]]

So just because you are at this point in time you can make a statement like this? People develop so many coping mechanisms from this that they don’t disappear magically one morning. It’s a serious fight to break down the coping mechanisms you developed over the years. If you are functioning then it’s something.

[[Tw...]]

That’s like saying you no longer believe in love because you’ve never felt it.

[Guest [Fi...]]

I started Working with a therapist that has developed this amazing protocol for reprogramming the subconscious mind.

Yes, the benzo withdrawal makes us go bonkers, but I do believe doing the hypnotic type exercises with her has helped calm the racing thoughts.  Am I 100%, not even close.  But the mental symptoms are much more manageable.  I have also started meditating.  That has made a large impact as well.  There are some days I am unable to clear my mind while I try to meditate...but the times I sit and actually do it’s a template for me.  It is troubling to me as to why it is SO much harder to do all the things that are healing while in this state.  Yesterday I prayed for the motivation to do meditation and to exercise.  I had a very difficult afternoon, very low mood and my mind started going here there and everywhere (ugh this is hell).

I think the psychotherapy treatment helped me because I believe in it...I also do Helminthic therapy.  That could be helping me as well, I think I have reached a therapeutic dose which took me over a year to get to.

The woman that is doing to CBT takes all insurance, she is in the business of helping people.  If you want her info PM me.

 

Love

Fiercey

 

[[bo...]]

I wrote this at two years off and I was insanely frustrated that I still felt so bad after so much time. I would never take anything that person said with any seriousness. Obviously that person has left this forum because she or he did not have a difficult withdrawal. At least I'm getting waves and windows now at 32 months off. The waves are still brutal, but in the windows, I'm fairly happy.

[[Wa...]]

I'm so glad you are feeling better now, Boom.  It's been a long, long road for some of us. Keep up the good work and moving on!

[[Bl...]]

I too am glad to hear you are doing better Boom ,  I came back today to see how you were . My sleep and general well being seems to follow your general timeline and I had hoped things were looking up . My sleep is trying to return . Finally .

[[he...]]

37mons for me. i try to do things but the how things were before slaps me in the face. the what could have beens if only....etc.

[[Me...]]

Seriously re reading this has given me depression tonight.

 

I was feeling GREAT yesterday and then got slammed with weakness today.

 

None of this post was helpful.  None of it. Now I have no hope. So thanks

 

I don’t have mental symptoms. Mine are all physical now. But they’re literally making me depressed. So the fact that this post is out here for us to read with literally no hope in it. F’n great. This is why people end it

[[Me...]]

And I just want to add

 

I have gone back and read old posts by other buddies who had no hope

 

A lot of them posted about feeling hopeless years ago and then dropped off the site

 

How many ended it, how many reinstated, how many got better and moved on? I wish I knew.

 

I was so euphoric the other day in a window. I felt alive again. And it was taken from me today. It was ripped away with exhaustion. So I know I try to be the hopeful person here . And I should read my happy posts when I’m feeling good. But right now I’m pissed off. I was too physically exhausted to clean my house. How am I supposed to keep working. Like I never had this exhaustion at all this year and now bam

[[Sh...]]

And I just want to add

 

I have gone back and read old posts by other buddies who had no hope

 

A lot of them posted about feeling hopeless years ago and then dropped off the site

 

How many ended it, how many reinstated, how many got better and moved on? I wish I knew.

 

I was so euphoric the other day in a window. I felt alive again. And it was taken from me today. It was ripped away with exhaustion. So I know I try to be the hopeful person here . And I should read my happy posts when I’m feeling good. But right now I’m pissed off. I was too physically exhausted to clean my house. How am I supposed to keep working. Like I never had this exhaustion at all this year and now bam

 

Windows are proof that you are healing and will get better. At least you've got that. Some people just suffer constantly until they get better.

[[Me...]]

Valid point shamo

 

I had 0 windows until a couple of months ago.....so clearly I’m getting better.

 

But the hopelessness is contagious

[[Me...]]

Boom...if you see this, how are you doing now?

[[bo...]]

Not good for the past week. I'm going to be posting a lot less going forward.