2400+ Days Off - My Insomnia/Benzo Advice

[[He...]]

The reason I was ever prescribed Aprazolam was for insomnia and now I am rebounding hard. I read that it is entirely rare that people die of insomnia so seeing others surviving on scraps is helpful to me. I am not alone. I was getting zero to 3 hours WITH AZ, so i knew tapering would hurt. I just started my taper a few days ago, it's extra hard. I do take melatonin and I think it helps a little bit. I have been taking it for 20 years and it has always been part of my cocktail for sleep for a long time.

I'll work on the melatonin once my sleep improves. I don't believe I have built up a tolerance to melatonin, I am just 'wired and tired' due to years of brain damage from drugs. 30 years ago (I'm 52) I had insomnia due to working 2 jobs and drinking excess caffeine. Point being, I have some brain healing work to do (following your advice that you posted) and tapering.

 

Thanks for the post. All is well and I will get through this.

 

 

 

[Guest [Ka...]]

Hi Andros, Shay, Pamster, NeverAlone and others. How's it going?

 

This is good to read, the original post and your current conversations, glad I found it.

 

And Andros I can learn some polite thoughts toward doctors from you! And I like how you let it rip here!

 

Because the deepest fear in me that is there every day is that I'll not sleep. But actually it's the mental anguish that scares me about not sleeping.

 

Looks like I'll need to buy the calm app!

 

<3

 

 

KachinaBirdsong, I've read the original post to this thread numerous times while I've been learning to sleep without meds this last year.  Believe me, sleep truly does get better with time AND when I do have a bad night, I've learned that I can function reasonable well on very little sleep. 

 

[Guest [An...]]

Hi Andros, Shay, Pamster, NeverAlone and others. How's it going?

 

This is good to read, the original post and your current conversations, glad I found it.

 

And Andros I can learn some polite thoughts toward doctors from you! And I like how you let it rip here!

 

Because the deepest fear in me that is there every day is that I'll not sleep. But actually it's the mental anguish that scares me about not sleeping.

 

Looks like I'll need to buy the calm app!

 

<3

 

I'm a dude that pulls no punches, but have a huge heart, and it pains me to see people suffering.

 

I had a good night yesterday, 7hr of sleep, totally natural, no supplements except for Magnesium and Lithium Orotate (it was a bit broken, waking up every 2hr but heck, I'll take 7 broken hours) it was enough to feel rested, and my cold is almost gone as well.

 

I've been afraid to tell anyone about the cold because people will freak out and think I have Cooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooviddddddddddddddddddddd.

 

What a racket that covid stuff. I've told select people that have seen how terrible I've looked in the past few months that I became ill. First thing they ask "oh did you get Covid?". Ahh, no dumbie, I WISH that's all I had gotten. I've learned out of my coworkers and past coworkers, which ones are smart and which ones not so much. A few have completely registered the way I explain what a benzo is and how it causes damage. They completely get it and empathize.

 

And others? Hmm, not so much. Interesting how I have found a way to test how smart someone is 

 

Anyway, I did that with the breathing protocols of CBTi. I'm going to bed right now actually and I will do the same and see how it goes for me. I think I will get at least 5hr, but will report if I got more. I'm off everything, no Remeron, no THC, no supps, except Mag and Lithium. I'm very hopeful I'm almost to the finish line here.

 

 

Edited:  language

[[Ka...]]

Heart, All is well and I will get through this. Writing that one down 

 

Kate, very nice to know that, thank you!

 

Andros, congrats on the 7 hours, woo hoo! Care to share the breathing protocols of CBTi or a resource for that? Oh, wait, I can google that!!

 

On these healing journeys we are lucky to find a group of like-minded people ... but outside, not so much. I wish people I've told about it were interested but they're not. We're a unique bunch, those that come to the end of the road with meds!!! Sometimes I hate knowing how much trouble they caused me ... and I mean I hate knowing someone I love is on them. Got to keep my mouth closed for the most part though. Out there!

 

I slept well ... woke too early. Need to do something for rest and restoration. Will check out a guided breathing thing!

[[He...]]

Did your meds stop working for you? I am getting off Xanax because #1 it's terrible for you but also #2 it quit working for me. It actually makes me anxious and makes my heart pound etc for the first 1/2 hour after I take my dose. Now that I am tapering down I have both the fact that it quit working along with the fact that I still have to take it to keep wd symptoms minimal which they are pretty severe. Mostly insomnia. I am not super tempted to take my old dose because it won't help me sleep anyway. An hour or two at best after the half hour of CNS overdrive.

 

So my question is; Did your RX stop working like mine or are you getting off for other reasons?

 

 

Thank you

[Guest [An...]]

I got another 7hr sleep, again a bit broken and light, but enough to feel refreshed. I'm pretty hopeful this is the beginning of normality again.

 

CBTi breathing protocols are to practice controlled breathing anytime you are anxious, and particularly useful while in bed, getting ready for sleep. There's a few variations. I'm using the 4 seconds to breathe in, hold for 4 seconds, 6 seconds to breathe out, hold 4 seconds, and repeat. It takes about 30min non stop but I do notice a reduction in stress.

 

Did your meds stop working for you? I am getting off Xanax because #1 it's terrible for you but also #2 it quit working for me. It actually makes me anxious and makes my heart pound etc for the first 1/2 hour after I take my dose. Now that I am tapering down I have both the fact that it quit working along with the fact that I still have to take it to keep wd symptoms minimal which they are pretty severe. Mostly insomnia. I am not super tempted to take my old dose because it won't help me sleep anyway. An hour or two at best after the half hour of CNS overdrive.

 

So my question is; Did your RX stop working like mine or are you getting off for other reasons?

 

 

Thank you

 

For me the Z-Drug was to help me sleep because of a traumatic event that happened to me. Boy oh boy if I had known, I would have put up with the 2 weeks, and I'm sure I would have normalized back to normal afterwards. I had no idea the system actually allows people to be prescribed this garbage. What's the point of giving you something for insomnia, that will make your insomnia 10x worse!

 

I noticed after 1 week of using the drug I was experiencing weird side effects, that became worse and worse. At the end of the 2nd week I was so bad I knew I had to get off it. I got lucky. Some people don't react as violently as I did, and stay on this crap for months, or years. It's 6 months out, and I am FINALLY seeing a return back to normal.

[[Sh...]]

Such good news andros. It’s infuriating it took 6 months for such a short term use. It’s not ok.

 

Seems these drugs put whatever we take them for on steroids. Like Bruce banner being the insomnia we started with and the hulk being what we have after z drugs. Unbelievable

[[Ka...]]

Heart,

I just thought I couldn't sleep well but after using ambien for years I started needing to supplement it and take things during the night ... throwing things at it! I had pain and anxiety meds in the mix too that are gone now. Had so much pain ... and anxiety but when I found this site realized some problems were probably interdose withdrawal. I feel happy just knowing I'm finally tapering, less anxiety and pain.

 

Yeah, Andros, the nicest doctor started me on ambien . . . and I've always worried about how I'll cope when there's really upsetting news as I've depended on ambien for so long. Anyway, happy to hear you've had 2 good nights of sleep and wish you many more.

---Thanks for explaining your breathing pattern, why does the breathing take a half hour, that's how long is recommended or that's how long it takes you to feel better or to go to sleep?

[[ni...]]

I need some reassurance that I'm going to get through this. On April 2, I had a total left knee replacement. I chose the same day surgery and went home that afternoon. Everything went well. I am currently 39 days post surgery and have slept so very little since then.

Initially I slept for two nights after I started taking oxycodone, but by the third night the sleep was down to 1 or 2 hours then down to zero sleep.  I've had one night since then, perhaps two, of 6-7 hours. This last week I am down to zero or one hour.

I really don't know what to do. I feel like I cannot keep going with so little sleep when I am trying to recover from the knee replacement.

I am currently taking no medications and will soon be 19 days oxycodone free. I am taking Vitamin D supplements and Tylenol for pain.

Each day I feel worse.  Any thoughts  I would appreciate.

NG

[Guest [An...]]

---Thanks for explaining your breathing pattern, why does the breathing take a half hour, that's how long is recommended or that's how long it takes you to feel better or to go to sleep?

 

Yes, 30 min is usually how long it takes to calm me down. Although yesterday I only did it for 15 mins, and for the first time unaided, I was able to sleep a full 8hr. It seems that the nightmare is finally over for me.

[[Ka...]]

Nightengale,

Your system will rebalance. I understand how crazy-making it is. Although it may not be hugely reassuring since you're way past this, I will tell you that my friend had a joint replacement and could not sleep for 5 days straight. Plus the sleep meds he tried didn't help but made him really goofy and weird. I don't know how long it took to get back to normal but it was a few weeks.

 

If you can counsel yourself repeatedly by saying that you will be okay, you won't die of insomnia and you know it's getting better every day, things like that. Don't let the panic about it take over ... sure it's easier said than done but even if you can get in to that head space a little bit and are upset still, it will help you.

 

Hope you feel better asap.

Kachina

[[Ka...]]

That's great Andros!!! and thanks for the tip and example of your breathing pattern.

[[ni...]]

Kachinabirdsong, thanks for the thoughtful reply.  I understand about your friend not sleeping for five days straight after the surgery.  It makes things so much worse with the lack of sleep. 

 

I'll try to get back on track of telling myself this will get better and I won't die.  The last week, I've not left the house. I no longer go outside to walk. Well, today the sun is shining, so perhaps I will venture out.  I do have to take my husband to a dental appointment, but that's not the same as walking.

 

The last two mornings, I've gotten up crying. I need to get past that.  It's not easy, but I'll try.

 

NG

 

 

[[ni...]]

KachinaBirdsong, I have amazing news. Sleep did come last night. The clock was covered and I only peeked twice, so my guess is around 4-5 hours. I counted the good things in my life, assured myself I would be okay and not die from insomnia. It worked.

Thank you so much. I can't believe it myself, but it did work!

NG

[[He...]]

My sleep is hit or miss too. Just a few nights ago, I didn't sleep at all. Last night, I slept 5 to 6 hours and it was heavenly. It wasn't the 8 hours I'd like to get but certainly better than 0 to 2 which I have had plenty of. Makes me afraid to drop in my taper but that's part of the deal. I haven't slept like last night in 6 weeks and that was when I was still at full dose and hadn't started tapering yet. I have only been tapering since May 2nd.

 

I'll take 6 hours at this stage of the game.

 

[[Ka...]]

NG I love hearing your success! That's fantastic, sorry I missed the post earlier. Keep going ... that's all we can do. How have the days been since?

 

HeartMost, you're so early in the game, no surprise your system is wacky! Congratulations on starting your taper. Slow and steady wins the race. I'll take 6 hours too, I'm good with that now. Balance the extra sleep I got for so long on meds? And I'm going chin-up with the approach to the shorter and worse nights because I want off. Truly madly deeply want off. Phew!!

[[ni...]]

My sleep slipped away. What works once or twice stops.  I wish I knew why. 

I still repeat what I am thankful for and then do deep breathing. 

My husband was behaving so strangely yesterday. He is approximately stage 5 Alzheimer's, but does quite well. He slept most of the day in his recliner, which is unusual, as he is OCD and constantly busy.  He doesn't eat much, but ate even less. This morning, he took forever to get dressed and now says he pulled his shoulder out of joint five days ago when he tripped going up on our deck. This was the first he mentioned hurting his shoulder. He did bang up his knee a bit.

I gave him an Aleve and put the heating pad on his shoulder.

I've been so lucky, as he is like the Energizer Bunny that keeps going and going.

NG

 

[[Ka...]]

Wow NG, well, could sleep struggle be connected to concern for your husband? A very good life long friend of mine is at stage 4 COPD and she had a bad few days and I am concerned and upset, this coincided with my taper on Sunday, down .50mg, and I have not slept much or well.

 

Would love to hear what others do when they are wide awake ... do you try to rest, listen to something, get up--and if you get up what do you do?

[Guest [An...]]

Would love to hear what others do when they are wide awake ... do you try to rest, listen to something, get up--and if you get up what do you do?

 

I tried both. Even if you get no sleep, just resting there in bed allows for you to survive to the next night. I've tried staying awake up and about, and the next day you are so completely lethargic, you can barely move. So IMO I would stay in bed the whole night, no music, no reading, just close your eyes and take whatever rest you can get.

 

I've practiced the breathing technique, and in some bad night, 2hr of straight breathing sometimes allowed me to get 3hr sleep, all of a sudden I'd wake up realizing I fell asleep, and look at the clock, and it's 3hr later.

[[Ka...]]

Thank you Andros, appreciate the input. I have lots I could do or get done but the middle of the night doesn't seem like the right time.

 

I want to try more with breathing ... it isn't smooth or easy for me counting in and out but have been trying it at the pace you suggested. It seems like work, seems odd.

 

 

[Guest [...]]

I stay in bed as well regardless, I'm going through one of the most consistent waves of insomnia I've experienced, it's absolutely horrific but i refuse to use any other meds, just laying and meditating, and practicing mindfulness and acceptance is all you can really do IMO. I don't see how I'm going to get through this but this is the only way off so it will be what it is.

[[Sh...]]

WP I’m having a rough time too atm but I know ur doing it really tough. Thinking of you and praying u get some sleep very soon x

 

I have had to resort to unisom again after my sleep just evaporated. I absolutely cannot go any longer than a few days without sleep now. It just breaks me down too much. But I have at least not gone back on any sedation ads again which is something.

 

This is just the most unfair of symptoms. Stay strong everyone suffering severe insomnia x

[[Je...]]

Thank you for this. It was very encouraging to me, and I appreciated the positive advice. I was placed on a benzo for the wrong diagnosis. I was blessed to never have mental health issues but I have been starting to wonder as I seem to agonize about every little symptom I have now. It is good to remember that it is all benzo related and just move on instead of dwelling on it. It is what it is. Thanks again!

Yeah, I can relate. Apart from rare waves of unreasoned panic, I don't think I suffer from psychological effects. But agonising over my physical symptoms has me questioning my mental health in a similar way.

[[Th...]]

My goal/plan is to update this as I come across any new information that might help with those struggling with benzo-induced insomnia! 

[[He...]]

I feel like my brain is healing because, when I do sleep, it's a deep sleep, but the quantity needs to come up. I was awoken this morning at 4am with fireworks going off. I couldn't go back to sleep. Seems like there might be lots of things that can help but the ultimate helper is patience and time. Time heals benzo induced insomnia. You have to wait for your brain to heal.

 

HM