Summer 2019 Jumpers - Focus Forward and Reintegration

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Interesting to read everyone's experiences after jumping, even after slow MT's.  Comforting to know this is common but sucks that buddies are suffering.

I'm glad we have this group to share on... where we are all at similar places in our journey, time-wise.

My acute stuff is much better today...but still worried it will come back. Today I have other stuff that is not pleasant but doesn't totally freak me out like the acute stuff did/does.

 

Yes, Gardie, always plenty of life stressors but (continuously) trying to not let myself get caught up in it.

 

You all are so amazing!! 

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So I was really reintegrating back into life the last few mo of my taper- not back to normal but I felt like I was living again and some of the negativity of this experience had faded. But approaching and reaching zero and this bad acute wave I’ve had - well, these events have stirred up all those strong negative thoughts of fear, anger, sadness, etc. 

 

Anyway, how are others doing with reintegration into life? I know most of us aren’t on “the other side” yet so maybe it’s so early for this question.

 

Another question I’ve been pondering... once we get some more healing and time, how do we process the trauma of all this? How do we not get PTSD from this?

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This is exactly how I feel. Was doing really well. Once I got to about 2.5 I’ve felt like acute has hit. Really hope I get back to the place I was. Hope u do as well.

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So I was really reintegrating back into life the last few mo of my taper- not back to normal but I felt like I was living again and some of the negativity of this experience had faded. But approaching and reaching zero and this bad acute wave I’ve had - well, these events have stirred up all those strong negative thoughts of fear, anger, sadness, etc. 

 

Anyway, how are others doing with reintegration into life? I know most of us aren’t on “the other side” yet so maybe it’s so early for this question.

 

Another question I’ve been pondering... once we get some more healing and time, how do we process the trauma of all this? How do we not get PTSD from this?

 

Libr, I’m really sorry this has caught you off guard.  I guess I was expecting more challenges after taper and, of course, hoping I would be wrong.  I never went looking over in the post-withdrawal boards before stepping off, but there’s enough of it mixed in the success stories and other places that made me realize the finish of taper is not the end of story. 

 

You ask good questions.  I have no answers.  Just incredulous that a safe, slow taper is not enough to stave off more sxs.  I think it’s back to taking one day at a time.  Not trying to outthink this.  There’s no negotiating a better outcome.  Just back to distraction.  Taking care of ourselves.  Keep the stress low.

 

My heart goes out to you.  I am feeling fragile too.  We will make it through this!

 

 

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So I was really reintegrating back into life the last few mo of my taper- not back to normal but I felt like I was living again and some of the negativity of this experience had faded. But approaching and reaching zero and this bad acute wave I’ve had - well, these events have stirred up all those strong negative thoughts of fear, anger, sadness, etc. 

 

Anyway, how are others doing with reintegration into life? I know most of us aren’t on “the other side” yet so maybe it’s so early for this question.

 

Another question I’ve been pondering... once we get some more healing and time, how do we process the trauma of all this? How do we not get PTSD from this?

 

Libr, I’m really sorry this has caught you off guard.  I guess I was expecting more challenges after taper and, of course, hoping I would be wrong.  I never went looking over in the post-withdrawal boards before stepping off, but there’s enough of it mixed in the success stories and other places that made me realize the finish of taper is not the end of story. 

 

You ask good questions.  I have no answers.  Just incredulous that a safe, slow taper is not enough to stave off more sxs.  I think it’s back to taking one day at a time.  Not trying to outthink this.  There’s no negotiating a better outcome.  Just back to distraction.  Taking care of ourselves.  Keep the stress low.

 

My heart goes out to you.  I am feeling fragile too.  We will make it through this!

Thank you for your heartfelt comments.  You are right.

I was not expecting to be healed by zero, but thought after would be more or less the same as the last few months of taper.  It is not, but I'm still early in the post-taper course so will see how it goes. Zero is a new normal the body has to recalibrate to and zero is not the same as 0.01mg!  Anyway, the acute stuff is gone for me for now - lasted 2-3 days.  Low energy now...but will take it a day at a time as you said.  

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37 days off, blacked out last night for a few seconds or longer. Sharp and severe chest pain followed immediately and stayed the entire night and still on waking up. No heart pounding or anxiety.

 

These few days I have been feeling brain very wrong like having a mini seizure or something.  Massive burning, numbness, stiffness and electric shocks allover head and body.

 

Don't know if the blackout and chest pain are from valium wd or the recent reactions to aspartame and msg. I had severe and long lasting reactions before valium.

 

Appreciate any insight for the blackout and chest pain. It's very scary even all the other sx are terrifying but this one is new to me.

 

 

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I seem to have similar thoughts as others here. I thought once I did  a slow taper down to 0 I would be healed. Although I felt some healing on the way down, actually a lot of  healing I still am very fragile like others said above.  I have a lot of inner vibrations in my legs, still sensitive to noise, nerve pain in scalp, headaches that come and go, blurred vision, and a feeling of pressure above  my temples, along with an off balance feeling . Some days these are mild , but some days some of the sxs are bad enough to make me  worry somewhat. 

I still wake up early and having dreams every night, most nights it's hard to get  back to sleep so I struggle a few days  then sleep good the 3rd or 4 th night.

Oveall I'm dealing with this as best as I can, don't mean to be negative but just  sharing some sxs.

 

Happy Healing,

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4mom- I’m sorry abt the new sxs. New stuff is always scary to me. I don’t have any wisdom for you but I’m sure this too shall pass. Is it better now?

 

It really sucks to have more waiting to do and to feel sxs after a slow taper. But This is par for the course. Of course we healed a lot on our taper. We all know what it was like to come off a higher dose or make a cut that was too big. We avoided that severity by slowly tapering. But our bodies have been fighting an insanely tough battle. Every part of the taper, even the end, was an all out assault on our body. Now, we are no longer attacking the body. Now the body can recover in peace. We do have a lot of healed GABA receptors that we got during the taper... or else we’d be feeling like a CT, which we don’t. Now the body can fix the rest of them....now that they aren’t being occupied by benzo or any other artificial GABA agonist.

 

So, What helps the nervous system heal (besides time) - sleep, rest, careful exercise, meditation, laughter, social connection, oxytocin, eating enough calories.  Any others?

 

 

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Thank libr for your empathy!

 

I had my first blackout after a mri before valium. That was 7 months after finishing lexapro taper. Do know I was super sensitized by lex and had reacted to almost everything especially msg and aspartame. It is possible this time is also relayed to the recent reaction to food additives.

 

Being sensitized adds another complicated challenge to healing from wd. It's like bombs hhidden everywhere on the road and hitting one once in a while is almost unavoidable.

 

Hope everyone heals smoothly without this bumpy road like mine.

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So, What helps the nervous system heal (besides time) - sleep, rest, careful exercise, meditation, laughter, social connection, oxytocin, eating enough calories.  Any others?

 

Libr,

I like where you’re going with this...

I am currently taking a ceramics class.  Working with the clay and being creative is a great outlet and distraction.  But the unexpected part is that I have found a wonderful community of people.  Many of them are way more talented than me...but I am so happy to be around these kind of people!  Many of them have been working at this studio for as much as 10 years.  So it’s not really a “class” so much as an open studio where we have open hours available to us 7 days a week as long as we are enrolled.  I feel so fortunate to have found something like this.  I just got home from there and I’m feeling so good! 

 

I also participate in other communities like book groups, lectures at the library, card playing groups, volunteer work.  I’m really trying to not be as isolated as I have been.  Things others may want to try...dancing classes, singing group or choir, musical instrument, improv classes... Any of these will be great distractions and will help calm the CNS. 

 

What do you all do to distract?

 

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So, What helps the nervous system heal (besides time) - sleep, rest, careful exercise, meditation, laughter, social connection, oxytocin, eating enough calories.  Any others?

 

Libr,

I like where you’re going with this...

I am currently taking a ceramics class.  Working with the clay and being creative is a great outlet and distraction.  But the unexpected part is that I have found a wonderful community of people.  Many of them are way more talented than me...but I am so happy to be around these kind of people!  Many of them have been working at this studio for as much as 10 years.  So it’s not really a “class” so much as an open studio where we have open hours available to us 7 days a week as long as we are enrolled.  I feel so fortunate to have found something like this.  I just got home from there and I’m feeling so good! 

 

I also participate in other communities like book groups, lectures at the library, card playing groups, volunteer work.  I’m really trying to not be as isolated as I have been.  Things others may want to try...dancing classes, singing group or choir, musical instrument, improv classes... Any of these will be great distractions and will help calm the CNS. 

 

What do you all do to distract?

Wow! These all sound like so much fun! So great to hear you’re out there living and finding life’s joy. I would love to take a painting class. One day. Right now time and energy are limited.

 

Distraction for me is my job and my young kids!.... these take up most of my time and energy.

Other distractions- I watch sitcoms or magic tricks on you tube, light reading, crossword puzzles, organizing the house, yoga class, podcasts. My 7 yo is learning piano so I’m trying to learn alongside with her-I let her teach me. Once the school year starts, I’ll see if I can get more involved this year. I want to introduce a daily meditation/grounding minute in the school to help make that a daily habit for the kids at a young age....hoping that having these tools early can prevent some anxiety...and prevent being put on meds.

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My post taper symptoms pretty much mirrors Ashton list of symptoms. I've looked  at her list several times just to make sure, cause my wife can't believe I'm still having  issues after 3 months. It's  a struggle just trying to convince others and loved ones that it take time to heal. My worst problem is the  floaty boaty feeling, and headaches  that  come on quick.  My sxs are pretty much predictable cause they come on at the  same time everyday.

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I haven't seen this post-taper symptom list....I'll have to dig it up.

Doing alright here at 3.5 wks off.

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I haven't seen this post-taper symptom list....I'll have to dig it up.

Doing alright here at 3.5 wks off.

 

Glad to see you doing good Libr. I'm improving from a month ago for sure. The mornings are the worst for me, guess it's the anxiety that hits me up until lunch. Things calm down around 2 and aternoons are so much better.

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I wake up and say to myself , at least I'm not on this poison anymore. I don't feel that urge to take my dose and I make it through the day so I know I'm healing. For the most part I feel 60% better, but still struggle with anxiety around crowds. Anxiety in itself can bring on a lot of sxs. What really runs through my head like everyday is how these Doctors can prescribe this stuff like it's candy and think nothing about it.

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I haven't seen this post-taper symptom list....I'll have to dig it up.

Doing alright here at 3.5 wks off.

 

Glad to see you doing good Libr. I'm improving from a month ago for sure. The mornings are the worst for me, guess it's the anxiety that hits me up until lunch. Things calm down around 2 and aternoons are so much better.

 

I have similar issues with the morning...I wish there was a way to make the mornings better.  It's like being two different people AM vs PM. 

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Amen to no more putting this poison in our bodies. And the fear of missing a dose or what if something happens and I end up in the hospital and they don’t give me my doses and whobwill even make them for me... etc etc.

 

I went to visit my parents for a few days before kids’ school starts again and it was the 1st overnight trip of not having to carry my doses! Yay for all the post-taper firsts!

 

Sorry for the uptick Gardie- it will pass as you well know.

I’m not really sure where I stand right now- I figure it’s too early to say and sxs are still cycling quite a bit. Caltn- Anxiety abt anything absolutely makes sxs worse!

 

I’m learning that I really have to take it easy right now.

Here’s to being gentle with ourselves in this early phase.

 

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I love this thread...

 

I feel so much hope in seeing all the success.

 

There's a lot of us that need to see that people are recovering after the jump.

 

 

From my perspective, some days it seems like it will never happen. But alas... the system works!

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Wow, I can’t believe it’s been 1 month since I stepped off!

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Wow, I can’t believe it’s been 1 month since I stepped off!

 

Me, too!

I know! This is when you said the drug should be out of our bodies.

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Wow, I can’t believe it’s been 1 month since I stepped off!

 

Me, too!

I know! This is when you said the drug should be out of our bodies.

 

I read it won't show up on drug tests any more at 30 days. But it will still show up in hair tests for 90 days. Wish I had bookmarked that. It was a rehab site.

I believe that you saw that. I guess it doesn’t really matter- what matters is how we feel and how our bodies are functioning. How are you doing Gardie- is the rough patch better?

 

Caltn- I agree- I feel angry also that so many ppl are having to give so much time to this unnecessary suffering bc of ignorance and arrogance in our healthcare system.

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Glad it’s better Gardie.

 

So, it’s like I’m just waiting to feel normal now. While tapering, I didn’t expect to feel normal and just did the best I could and focused on the taper. I was just vigilant to make sure I wasn’t getting worse. And if it wasn’t worse, I felt I was on the right track with my taper and progress. Now, post-taper, I don’t expect to feel normal for a while but I also don’t expect to feel worse. So now, I’m vigilant to see if I’m getting better... and feel like if I’m just status quo, it’s not a good thing. Different perspective, different expectations I guess. Not sure if what I wrote is clear. But anyone else notice the same thing?

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Yeah- I know what you mean abt not having control over it. My health anxiety is sky high. I hate it. My oldest starts middle school tomorrow and she’s nervous and I’m having a hard time being there for her. It’s not dp/Dr- it’s just the health anxiety that’s crippling. I never had problems with nicety before all this.

 

Gardie- What does the benzo being found in hair at 90 days mean? That’s it is still present in the body? Or it was incorporated into the hair some time ago?

 

I Need a reminder that we will heal completely from all this and reach that state of bliss that everyone talks about. Thanks 🙏🏽

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Thanks Gardie- so just says the drug was ingested w/in the past so many months. Makes sense.

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From having 4 major surgeries in the past over a 4 year period, my hairdresser could tell something was up!!! The anaesthesia usually changes the texture and how coarse your hair is!  Always amazed me she could tell as I only used to see her a few times in a year!  And she called it!!!