Summer 2019 Jumpers - Focus Forward and Reintegration

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interesting abt the supp - and thanks for sharing your insight that it's physical.  Gives me hope!

I don't talk to Baylissa regularly - I did talk to her a couple yrs ago once or twice.  She is so validating.  Basically, she reassures and says everyone heals in her 14 yrs of experience supporting ppl.

 

Gardie - great news abt volunteering and getting out. I think you will enjoy it and volunteering is great that you can do things on your time/terms.

 

How long does it take for our bodies to go back to normal functioning - like normal.  LIke even if we get a cut/scrape, right now it seems to take a long time to heal - not normal.  Do we really go back - like no more extra sensitivities and normal healing and normal moods

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How long does it take for our bodies to go back to normal functioning - like normal.  LIke even if we get a cut/scrape, right now it seems to take a long time to heal - not normal.  Do we really go back - like no more extra sensitivities and normal healing and normal moods

 

I dunno, libr. I just turned 60, so I attribute things like slow healing to aging! The sensitivities, I see some small improvement already, but I'm being cautious about reintegrating back into real life. If I had to go back into it full speed ahead (job, children, etc.), it probably wouldn't be going as well. When I read the success stories, feeling fully healed seems to happen a year or more out. We are in early days yet.

 

yeah, at least a year is what I gathered too in reading success stories. 

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Gardie- I’m no expert but I think your intuition is right to get off the gabapentin so you can heal fully. Anything that acts on GABA receptors can slow our healing - as I understand it.

 

So today I found out I’m free of a new health issue that’s been affecting me since soon after my jump. I’m pretty sure the jump caused it.  I am kinda in shock that it’s gone- in shock in a good way. It was a women’s issue that skyrocketed my health anxiety and totally revved up my sxs... like I even lost weight again. Wow, this anxiety thing is unreal. I was freaking out that I would never be normal again and I was losing my will to keep surviving.  Anyway, I’m so happy that it is gone! Now hopefully I can relax and this intense anxiety can dissolve and my nervous system/body/mind can heal in peace. 

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Thank you Gardie!! 

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Gardie- interesting insights. I feel the same way. Still intense but not as long lasting. I always wonder why the happy emotions don’t get intense also- just the negative ones. Anyway, yes- still not normal emotional response. Thoughts/emotions are still persistent and intense - just to a lesser degree in both accounts. Like last night I laid awake worried about my daughter who just started middle school and her best friend who seems to be drifting away. Made me very sad and worried- like it was happening to me... and like I’m in middle school. My daughter isn’t even sad or worried about it. Then after a few hours of laying awake fretting... it just didn’t seem like a big deal anymore. They’ll figure it out and my daughter is happy ... and the thoughts just fizzled away. But not until I lost hours of sleep.

 

All part of the healing process I suppose.

And I’ve made the executive decision that any posts on this thread cannot and will not contribute to any jinxing of oneself.  This is a safe place to share.

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This post-benzo journey is interesting. I still have intense emotional reactions to things. Well, most things. I have the opposite, flat-lined emotions, with others. But I don't get pushed over the edge like I used to.

 

During withdrawal, I avoided emotions because they would zing up and not come down. And even what should have been happy emotions felt like pain. So I just avoided emotions. I only listed to bland radio and watched bland TV shows. I didn't read. I avoided crowds and traffic. Now I am cautiously allowing myself to get into difficult situations, like freeway driving. Well, freeway driving in places with very little traffic, just to feel what it's like to move at that speed again. I get really scared , but once I am off the freeway, the fear goes away. It was not like that in withdrawal. The fear didn't go away. It spiraled out of control.

 

I still feel like I have generalized anxiety that I need to distract from that wears on me, but things that cause intense emotions do not set me wildly out of control any more. I go up but I come back down. I think that means my glutamate is still supercharged, but my GABA is starting to work again? That my GABA can do anything properly while I am tapering my gabapentin, is a good sign, I think.

 

Knocking wood. Knocking wood.

 

(Whenever I report anything good, I get nervous that I have jinxed myself!  )

 

Gardie

 

I can relate to everything you just said, I get zinged up just talking about issues at work. I'm definitely testing my nerves.......

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I’m using that! ... “that’s glutamate. ...Breathe. “

 

A much less triggering word than anxiety.

 

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How’s everyone feeling?  I’m feeling that freshness that Cantfly once talked about. Feel more like myself than I did on benzos. Windows are more true to self. I’m 3.5 months off and so much healing has happened!  It’s just amazing how the body can heal from such a deep and long hell.  I’m thankful for having gotten off and for how much healing has happened so far. I feel pretty decent much of the time. Still sxs of course and taking it slow but participating in life so much more.

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Thanks for sharing that good news, libr.  I'm feeling well enough to push forward with my gabapentin taper. I do get symptoms from that, but not nearly as bad as the benzo. I can relate to the feeling of more like myself again.

Glad to hear it Gardie!  Let the healing continue!

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I'm feeling more like myself in many ways but still having a lot of anxiety. I've noticed my BP also going high at night so not sure what's going on there. It does seem like my body( nervous system) is very sensitive to my BP medicine. I've never had any issues in the past but now I am. I'm at the point to where I need more or a different med to control my BP. I'm pretty sure I'm still in a wave also so that's makes it harder to determine what to change in my BP med, bad thing is BP meds have a lot of side effects.

When I talk to my doctor I always try to remind them that I'm 5 months off benzos and these are my sxs but it goes in one ear and out the other.

I'm having a lof of nausea that just comes and goes, feeling dizzy, headaches that come and go and a few more sxs.

I'll be so glad when I get through this period.

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I'm feeling more like myself in many ways but still having a lot of anxiety. I've noticed my BP also going high at night so not sure what's going on there. It does seem like my body( nervous system) is very sensitive to my BP medicine. I've never had any issues in the past but now I am. I'm at the point to where I need more or a different med to control my BP. I'm pretty sure I'm still in a wave also so that's makes it harder to determine what to change in my BP med, bad thing is BP meds have a lot of side effects.

When I talk to my doctor I always try to remind them that I'm 5 months off benzos and these are my sxs but it goes in one ear and out the other.

I'm having a lof of nausea that just comes and goes, feeling dizzy, headaches that come and go and a few more sxs.

I'll be so glad when I get through this period.

 

You'll get thru it caltn!  I don't know about the bp but I do know most docs don't know abt w/d and don't include it in their thought process even if you tell them abt it.  I guess no one knows how to include it.  It is confusing.  For nausea, I wear sea bands....it does help!  I wore them thru both pregnancies and w/d nausea and they really do work.  At least it's worth a try - cheap and no side effects. 

 

I still have anxiety too - easily triggered anxiety and anxiety w/o triggers also.  And health anxiety.  I know a lot of it is chemical.  I am trying to keep things slow and calm but that is very difficult.  I have other sxs too - I think we all do.

 

So, I'm using the 1 year mark off benzos as a target for a new countdown.  Psychologically, it helps me to count DOWN rather than count UP the number of months I've been off.  So 9 more months for me to go to hit the one year off mark.

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Happy early Thanksgiving every!!

I am thankful to be done with benzos and to be healing!

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Happy early Thanksgiving every!!

I am thankful to be done with benzos and to be healing!

 

Best Thanksgiving ever!

 

X3, So very thankful indeed.

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I hope everyone had a Happy Thanksgiving! and didn't gain any weight.......

 

Today marks 6 months free of the poison........ continuing to improve, feeling better, still lingering sxs but not bad.

 

Hope everyone is healing.

 

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THanksgiving was lovely!

 

It's 4 months now for me.  Definitely feeling better and better.  Not healed of course.  Anxiety is better, but still happens, easily frazzled.

It's amazing how we can keep saying we are feeling better...and yet, still not be healed.  We've come a looooong way though. 

 

Keep in touch here everyone!

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I'm a long way from healed but I try to establish a pattern of what makes me feel worse. I eat almost anything I want so I'm trying to see if eating sweets effects my sxs.  I don't drink coffee avoiding caffeine but I do eat some chocolate.

Does anyone else tract their sxs according to what  they eat?  Needing some advice on what you're doing.

 

 

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I'm a long way from healed but I try to establish a pattern of what makes me feel worse. I eat almost anything I want so I'm trying to see if eating sweets effects my sxs.  I don't drink coffee avoiding caffeine but I do eat some chocolate.

Does anyone else tract their sxs according to what  they eat?  Needing some advice on what you're doing.

 

I haven't noticed any food makes me worse. I get worse if I go too long without eating though - that causes a cortisol rise and it lingers a long time, even if I then do eat.

Other things that make me worse:

 

-not going to bed on time

-feeling rushed or a sense of urgency - like if I'm running late to work.  Even a game that involves speed.

-if I'm trying to do too much in too little time, or even just enough time.  again, a sense of urgency.  takes too much focus.  I try to allot extra time for every single thing or just skip things.

-any kind of stress

-health issues - this is the worst trigger for me

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Caltn- I don’t drink any caffeine- never have. I avoid chocolate bc it gives me reflux. The reflux isn’t usually strong anymore but it does happen and I don’t like it. Other things that give me reflux are black pepper and ginger and if I have too much tomato sauce.

 

I do try to not eat too many sweets but that’s a tough one. I’m doing better lately but I have such a sweet tooth!  Also, sugar sometimes helps me feel better in terms of high cortisol I think. But it’s  a double edged sword for sure.

 

Let us know if you figure out any correlations. 

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I did splurge a few times and had some decafe coffee, oh how I miss my coffee so bad........ even with that little caffeine I noticed it ramped me up.

I limit sweets, chocolate, or anything I think will give me problems. I avoid MSG like the plague, my wife thinks I'm crazy....lol

Mornings are tough here lately and I'm not sure what's  going on.... must be the  cortisol surges. My stomach will get upset,  my muscles will start to jump and pop and constant nausea.

After about 3 or 4 hours things will calm down somewhat.

I haven't noticed any correlation at all with certain foods other than caffeine. Sometimes I get shaky before I eat lunch, must be my sugar level ramping up sxs.

Healing can't come fast enough for sure.

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I am feeling less anxiety on waking for the last week.  It is so wonderful!  I know it may be a window that will close, but I am really encouraged by this!  Approaching 7 months off.

 

Hope you are all doing better too!

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Yay circlestar! So happy for you. I know this sx has been a bad one for you.

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Congrats Libr!  I see you've jumped.  Remember back when...when you told me you wished to be where I was at!?  Proud of you Warrior!  May I ask how you did after jumping? 

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Gardener,

 

Hey there brave lady Warrior!!  Hope you are doing well and I'm wishing you the Happiest of New Years!!  I did read your P-log...very helpful.  Love always to you!

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Thank you for your PM Gardie.

 

I would have responded back but your PM is off

 

Thank you for your suggestion, but I highly doubt that anyone will add further comments as those who took an interest in my threads are highly unlikely to visit the post taper section, and as they were written pre taper the headings are misleading now, so nobody post taper will comment, 

 

I will not be visiting post taper either as it is highly triggering for someone  just 14 days off valium from a really difficult long taper,  I will of course read any new success stories, and stay in touch with those who have shown such love and care  but otherwise I wont be making any new threads  . I now have to protect myself from the harshness of Post taper which even to the strongest can be unnerving

 

I have no way to thank people now for their kindness through this , but they hopefully will realise

 

Take care

 

Jen

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Thanks Lib18.  I am off for 5 mo now!!  Post jump was definitely a shock to my body but I made it through. Still healing and slowly reintegrating.

 

Happy New year everyone!!  2020 is our year to go from healing to HEALED!