Looking for Buddies - LT High dose Xanax direct taper 1/2 way there!

[[se...]]

I am struggling with this as well.  It comes and goes, but it has been very bad as of late.

[[He...]]

MB,

 

I know you need to read through the posts to see what's up but I just wanted to say it's good to hear from you! I know you have the muscle riggidity and spasms you are dealing with and I am so sorry to hear that. I have not experiences that.

 

I want to congratulate you on being on such a low dose! I now you suffer but remember you have come so far! You can see the finish line now. I just cut to below 1mg on Friday, myself and can't wait until I am below .5 and then .25 and eventually .01mg before I jump!

 

I admire your strength! I don't know how you do it.

 

Hugs, xoxo,

 

HM

[[se...]]

HM,

 

You will get there, you are so strong!  I’m glad you are doing well with your cut! 

[[He...]]

SS,

 

  Thank you! The well wishes and the pats on the back mean a lot!

 

I appreciate it,

 

HM

[[Lo...]]

MB,

 

I know you need to read through the posts to see what's up but I just wanted to say it's good to hear from you! I know you have the muscle riggidity and spasms you are dealing with and I am so sorry to hear that. I have not experiences that.

 

I want to congratulate you on being on such a low dose! I now you suffer but remember you have come so far! You can see the finish line now. I just cut to below 1mg on Friday, myself and can't wait until I am below .5 and then .25 and eventually .01mg before I jump!

 

I admire your strength! I don't know how you do it.

 

Hugs, xoxo,

 

HM

 

Thank you soooo much!  You are such a sweetheart!  You are an angel!    Often times, with my own family, I feel like such a royal burden because I've been at this for what seems like FOREVER and I feel like a darn broken record!  So to hear something like this makes me feel better. 

 

So grateful to you! 

 

Love,

MB

[[Lo...]]

I missed sooooo much! 

 

So sorry for all the downs and challenges everyone has had but happy for the improvements each have had as well.  (To list everything would take me a few hours! LOL).  This board used to be so darn slow for a long time... now if you miss a few days, (let alone weeks) you miss A LOT!  LOL!  That's a good thing!

 

Julia, Happy, Happy Belated Birthday!  I'm so sorry that I missed it and so happy to hear that it went far better than you expected! 

 

My son's birthday was on Friday (9th) and I was sick as a dog for the entire weekend!  I had food poisoning! Bad seafood (Tuna/Raw) on Thursday night. Grand, right? On top of the taper challenges, I essentially spent his BD and the two day after in the bathroom.    Feeling better as of yesterday but what a royal mess.  The only positive in the entire ordeal is that I slept 10+ hours both Friday and Saturday!  I was averaging 6 hours at night and two naps of 2 hours each during the day.  Hey, it wasn't the most pleasant reason for being wiped out, but at least my body allowed much needed sleep! 

 

So... I'll give you all an update.  I figured out why I was probably in such bad shape with the muscle issue / taper in general since my reductions from .5 milligrams.

 

Now, this is embarrassing because it was lazy and avoidable!  .......

 

When I was at .5 milligrams, I was simply "biting" a .5 tablet in half.  I had gone through two pill cutters that were terrible and tended to "shatter" the pills versus cutting them in 1/2.  So after spending a bit on them and getting frustrated, I was simply biting the pills in half and wait, discarding the other half and throwing it into a section of a pill box.  Yep!  It's haphazard, wasteful, lazy, and totally Type "B" personality but that's what I did. 

 

As you all know, when my son worked out all the math and weighing Xanax on a gram scale for me I was thrilled!  However, because I have such a surplus of medication laying around, I started the new doses with fresh pills.  Yesterday a lightbulb went off!  I decided to weigh all those little 1/2 pills in order to get a feel for what I may or may not have been taking because these symptoms have been out of control - as in bed bound again for the first time in well over a year.  And... HOLY CRAP!  I'm talking HOLY, HOLY, CRAP! 

 

When I thought I was taking .5 milligrams - I was taking significantly more!  I was apparently favoring the "heavy side" of the bite!  LOL!

 

For reference:

A whole pill (.25 mgs) weighs .084-.085

Hence, a 1/2 should weigh @ .042

I was most likely taking a dose that weighed .050-.056!  which is significantly more than what a .5 dose would be and this was happening 4 times per day!  What I found was that most of those halves that I discarded into my pill box only weighed .028! and they should have weighed .042 for 1/2 milligram and .034 to be at a .4 milligram dose!  You can see how wrong this was!  I'm not a math wizard so I'm not going to even try to work out what I was most likely taking when I thought I was at .5 milligrams! .... but it very well could have been greater than .6 milligrams! UGH!

Nevertheless, I then jumped right into using fresh pills and weighing them accurately, (let alone the mistake early on of a day of dosing around .26) and needless to say, I was probably going from .6 or better to .360!  And now I have my answer as to how in the world I ended up being in such bad shape!

 

Lesson to anyone new who comes on here and reads our posts... WATCH PERCENTAGES AND WEIGHTS CAREFULLY! 

 

So now I'm back on track.  I had a decent day yesterday but I'm not sure where I should go or stay.  I stuck with .36 yesterday and did manage to sleep 7 hours last night.  Muscle stuff reared its ugly head this morning but I'm sure my body needs to find a certain dose and stick with it!  I'm going to attemp the .36 again today but if it's too much, I'll go back up to .4 and see if I stabilize.  There's no point in going all the way back up to .5 since I've been at .36 for over a week now.  Again, I'm flexible though and will keep you guys posted. 

 

So that's my "put it all out there" embarrassing story of the day.  I'm feeling rather foolish but hey, I got lazy towards the end...  Lesson learned. 

 

At a bare minimum, I'm hoping that I can save someone else from my mistakes. 

 

Hope all are doing well today!  Rainy here in Southeastern PA but I'm actually loving it!  It's been so hot lately and it's nice not having the house heat up from the sun.  Still in the high 90's but without the sun it's tolerable. 

Love and well wishes to all!  Here's to better days ahead!

 

Love,

MB

 

 

 

 

 

 

[[He...]]

MB.

 

So glad you got your pills figured out! Yes, weighing and measuring is more precise than biting. When I was first prescribed Xanax several years ago, I would bit off little pieces to deal with anxiety. It served it's purpose at the time, but not for tapering.

 

So happy you're getting lot's of good rest. It will undoubtedly come in handy for brain healing. Good to hear from you!

 

 

xo,

HM

[[Lo...]]

MB.

 

So glad you got your pills figured out! Yes, weighing and measuring is more precise than biting. When I was first prescribed Xanax several years ago, I would bit off little pieces to deal with anxiety. It served it's purpose at the time, but not for tapering.

 

So happy you're getting lot's of good rest. It will undoubtedly come in handy for brain healing. Good to hear from you!

 

 

xo,

HM

 

I'm so relieved that I thought to weigh out the discarded pieces!  It all makes so much sense now.  I will not be without my trusty gram scale from this point forward. Especially for the end of the taper -  when those numbers/percentages matter most! 

[[se...]]

Yes, I have done the same!  My husband weighs each pill and he discards 87.5% of it.  The percentages make a huge difference, if you are not accurate with the dosing you become very unstable.  This was true for me before I started using a scale, I was seriously breaking the pills in half and doing exactly what you did.

[[Lo...]]

Yes, I have done the same!  My husband weighs each pill and he discards 87.5% of it.  The percentages make a huge difference, if you are not accurate with the dosing you become very unstable.  This was true for me before I started using a scale, I was seriously breaking the pills in half and doing exactly what you did.

 

I was on such a high dose from the beginning and it was easy to eliminate .25 from those doses (which is pretty much how I tapered for years).  It wasn't until I got under 1 milligram (second time around) that I even had to think about or worry about making reductions smaller than .25.  To be honest, until my son agreed to do the math for me, I had forgotten all about the gram scale that I purchased years ago.  I honestly didn't realize that my biting the pills, at what I thought should be relatively accurate since they are scored, would be so incredibly far off!  More than ever I'm glad that I found the gram scale and decided to get as accurate as possible!  Heaven knows what dose I would have thought I was taking if not for meticulously weighing each pill!  I don't even want to think about how far off I could have continued to be! 

 

 

Hope all are having a pleasant day! 

 

Love,

Mare

 

 

[[ba...]]

Done that as well. I would break the tabs where they were scored, and throw the half's into my pill box. If they were really off, I saved them. I have a ton of saved pieces which I will weigh out eventually to create doses. Have done that before, it works out OK. Now I use a scale. Some cuts were low, some high.

 

Guys, it is with deep regret that I share that I am going to have to updose tomorrow.

 

I cut off the tip of my finger on 7/7. Fingernail is gone, and will take longer to heal than the tip. I am seeing a finger orthopedic doctor for care. I have a small cast. It is going to take a long time to heal. This injury is acute, and I have been exhausted, in pain, and unable to carry out normal functions-because you use 2 hands for most things. Also, don't have the energy to exercise. Drove for the first time today to the post office since this happened.

 

Was given 20 tabs of 5 mg oxycodone. First night I went through 4 tabs. second day, about the same. Then started cutting down.  On day 4, I took 1, and it freaked me out and made me miserable. Day 5, I tab, same. I have 4 tabs left which I will keep around if my husband needs a pain pill, he has a condition that causes him acute distress, which flares up from time to time. So, on oxy low dose for 5 days.  First 48 hours took more until pain decreased. Total use was 16 5 mg tablets, 80 mg over 5 days.

 

Also an antibiotic.

 

No oxy, now day 2. I never enjoyed it. I am one of those people who gets no pleasant effects or "high" from narcotics. They have always freaked me out.

 

I started taking high dose ibuprofen and Tylenol to deal with the pain. It works.

 

Ever since this happened, my 2.75 mg I finally tapered down to has been a nightmare. I can't do this anymore.

 

If it was just a wave, I would continue. However, I am confident it is the drugs, meds and injury. I called my pharmacist, and he said being on so many meds, even briefly, overwhelmed me, and I am very intolerant of pretty much all drugs anyway, whereas other people don't have an issue. I was also very afraid of becoming dependent on the oxy. He knows me well, and I trust his advise. He said take high dose ibuprofen/Tylenol. It will also cause problems, but it's not addictive.

 

So, updosing by .16 tomorrow all 3 doses. Hoping it is better than what I am going through now.  I am in non stop acute wd and massive anxiety. I am not getting better. This is agony.

 

Here is another concern.

 

I am scheduled for much needed dental work the 28th. 9 teeth in one go, including a root canal. In the past, I have gotten vicoden, and used it for the first 24-48 hours while the pain was acute, then dropped it and just lived with it. I will also be on another antibiotic.

 

I will get nitrous oxide during the procedures, I always do, because I jerk around too much, and it allows me to be still. Never had a problem with it.

 

I don't know what to do as I am already thrown off my taper by the injury/drugs. Since I am already off kilter, perhaps it's best just to get it done, and then continue waiting to stabilize as opposed to stabilizing, then go through the whole thing again.

 

I'm leaning towards just getting it over with.

 

Support appreciated. I hate being in this position. Please don't be cross with me, I already feel terrible about updosing tomorrow.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[[He...]]

BD,

 

Only you know what's best for you. You have a lot on your plate right now and, possibly, anyone in your shoes might do the same. What will be your new dose(s) tomorrow?

 

I hope your dental appointment goes OK. I am worried about having procedures done where I can't take a benzo to calm me down. I guess I will have to cross that bridge when I come to it.

We all care greatly for you and you gotta do what you gotta do.

I know it must be difficult to type. I think you were typing before with one hand. We really appreciate you taking the time to update us.

I am glad you felt good enough to drive to the post office and hope you feel better and better as the days go by.

I wish you luck with your updose and please keep us updated on your progress with your Xanax too, even though it's probably low priority right now.

 

Thanks for sharing,

 

HM

[[ba...]]

At 2.75, going to 2.87 (.16 increase, half of a .25) That's my current dose and planned updose.

[[Lo...]]

Baddove,

 

I feel soooo bad! I can hear the desperation and exhaustion in your words.  Trust me, I've been there.  I can totally understand the mind frame of "this is just too much right now!".  When you've been at this as long as we have, it's downright mind numbing.  I remember when I got well below a milligram (I removed it from my signature because it was becoming too lengthy)  - I was at .575 almost 2 years ago, had to updose to 1 milligram and then stayed there for well over a year.  My body simply had been through too much. I was skin and bones at 89 lbs., and my health was getting worse!  But in that moment of the updose, and for many months after, I was so disappointed with myself!  It took me quite a long time to make peace with it - but eventually I had no choice but to accept that it was a part of my journey.  Again, I get it.  This bump in the road is simply part of yours.  You'll get past it! 

 

Maybe you'll be able to regroup during the healing of your finger, dental work, etc.  I don't think there's anything wrong with putting off your taper until you get through those. 

 

Hang in there and please know that there is zero judgement here.  You do what you need to do to heal.  We're not going anywhere anytime soon and we will be here for you when you're ready to resume. 

 

Sending virtual healing and supportive hugs your way!

 

Love,

"Lori" /MB

[[ba...]]

I decided to hold on the dentist for another month. I am simply to ill from this injury and all those horrid drugs.

 

Thanks for the support Guys. That slight up dose really helped me this morning. I made the right decision.

 

Be well and keep lovingly supporting each other. We are, for the most part, the only people we have in our lives when it comes to working out decisions and getting support, and comparing experiences.

[[Di...]]

BD I'm glad you are feeling better.

❤

[[He...]]

BD,

 

So happy your updose is working for you:) Happy also that you put off your dentist appointment. You have enough on your plate. It can wait.

 

Hoping you have a nice window tonight and enjoy your evening.

 

HM

[[se...]]

BD,

 

Feel better soon!

[[Lo...]]

Just checking in to see how everyone is doing.  Hope all are doing well today! 

I'm feeling so much better since working out my weights! 

 

Fingers crossed that all are having a decent day! 

 

[[Lo...]]

Seasalt,

 

I was thinking of you last night.  I'm at my sisters and she and her husband are planning a trip to Maine the first week of August.  I believe they are staying in the Portland area.  I was looking at some of the pictures of the area with her last night.  It looks absolutely beautiful!  I was wondering if you're anywhere around there. To be honest, ALL of Maine looks incredible!  I wish they were taking me with them!  LOL 

 

Hope you're doing well! 

[[se...]]

Yes, I live about 30 minutes from Portland in a small coastal town, we also have a condo beachfront investment property that is in Saco, Maine which is 10 minutes from Portland. 

 

I was born and brought up in Maine so I am partial to living here for sure.  This year we have seen more people from NY an NJ infiltrate the state.  We have never really saw cars from Idaho, CA, VA, MN but Maine is saturated with out of state visitors at the moment.

 

I hope your sister enjoys her visit, Maine is beautiful in the Summer and fall, but winters are tough here.

[[He...]]

Hi buddies,

 

SS, Maine sounds gorgeous. I was raised in the Seattle suburbs so I am partial as well. I understand roots:)

 

Everyone else; I hope your having a great Friday so far:)

 

I cut my dose this morning. I am hoping my WD symptoms stay stable. I imagine it will take my a couple/few days to know. My GAD is doing OK so far too. I had a little bit this morning but it's better now. I slept a little bit more than my usual and I desperately look at that as a sign that my brain is healing even though I know it isn't linear.

 

HM

[[se...]]

HM, I am so glad you got some sleep!  Good luck on your cut, your moving forward!

[[He...]]

Thanks SS! (Laurie:))

 

I am going to play it by ear. Every Friday I drop 1ml (.01mg) from each of my 7 doses for a total of a .07mg drop.

Right now, it's not so bad, percentage-wise but as I get lower, I need a different strategy. I'll think of something.

 

HM

[[Lo...]]

Yes, I live about 30 minutes from Portland in a small coastal town, we also have a condo beachfront investment property that is in Saco, Maine which is 10 minutes from Portland. 

 

I was born and brought up in Maine so I am partial to living here for sure.  This year we have seen more people from NY an NJ infiltrate the state.  We have never really saw cars from Idaho, CA, VA, MN but Maine is saturated with out of state visitors at the moment.

 

I hope your sister enjoys her visit, Maine is beautiful in the Summer and fall, but winters are tough here.

 

I told my sister about this last night.  She wants to know if your rental is available the first week of August! LOL!

Hotels prices are insane!  They booked it but she was blown away over the prices.  Nevertheless, she's so excited to go!  She asked me to ask you if you know of good restaurants that aren't "touristy". 

 

I know they are visiting 3-5 towns while they are there.  I'll have to get the names for you. 

 

Love,

Lori