Looking for Buddies - LT High dose Xanax direct taper 1/2 way there!

[[to...]]

Hi ladies,

I survived the big family reunion picnic yesterday! Lots of stimulation and noise and chaos but I got through it. It actually was nice at times to distract from thinking of my taper process all the time. We didn’t stay for fireworks. We watched them from the road pulled over. My husband is a combat vet on the front lines from the Persian Gulf war and he does not like fireworks for pretty obvious reasons. I don’t blame him and it doesn’t bother me to watch from a ways away to accommodate him. He’s always so amazing to me. His Aunt presented him yesterday with a quilt of valor she made for his service. It was pretty special.  Thank your husband for his service.  My husband retired from the Army in 1994 which was the vietnam era - he has alot of PTSD issues and I know he would understand staying away from loud noises.  I think that was beautiful that his Aunt presented him with a quilt of valor - so moving that she did that!  I am glad you enjoyed your visit and I am sure it did help with distraction! 

 

I know this sounds weird or bad but sometimes it makes me a little sad at those kind of occasions because I miss the old me…….the one that could have so much fun and endure in a beer or now and again. I was never a huge drinker but likes to socially have a few beers, and that sucks to me that I can’t do that. I hope someday I’ll be able to have some again. I get afraid it will never happen, and that just sucks. I know, it is a stupid thing to get upset about but I think it more symbolizes what has been taken from me and how I’ve lost the person I once was. I know exactly you mean - I did not drink alot before this all happened but I did like to have a strawberry daiquiri once in a while but have not drank now in over 5 years.  I do miss it every once in a while.  I also agree it is more about the person I was and the things I used to be able to do.  We will get back to that before you know it. It does not sound stupid - it sounds normal!  So much has been taken from us!  But we will have those things that we enjoyed back! 

 

I did sleep good last night, and proceeded with the taper today. The finish line can’t come soon enough. That is great that you were able to sleep last night and I know how you feel about the finish line.  We will get there my friend, we all will. 

 

I’m sorry for you that are suffering with far worst withdrawals than I. I hope the symptoms let up for you,

HM, I’m hoping that you can get some sleep soon. I feel for you with the insomnia. I hope DD your wave lets up and you feel the comfort of us surrounding you in this tough time with losing your Mother. Julia, I hope you can have a great day and know that I’m sending hugs to you today and that your balance symptoms reprieve!The highlight of my day has truly been being with my husband and reading all of the post here today!  They have made me smile and that is a great things!  Seasalt, MaryBeth, and Baddove, I hope you are all hanging in there with your taper and withdrawal symptoms. I hope your cuts are going ok, and you are able to hang in there. Thoughts and hugs to you all.

 

I hope you all have a blessed and beautiful day. Hugs to you all.

Love,

Mary  :smitten:

 

I love you Mary - you are so special to me!!!!!!!!  :angel:

[[Di...]]

Julia Happy Birthday I hope you can have a good day. 

I am sorry you are still having balance issues I've noticed the last week that mine is not that good either right now.  Crazy benzos!

Love and hugs❤

 

HM I am so sorry it is never easy to lose a parent I am so thankful that I had mine for as long as I did.

I'm hoping good sleep will come to you soon.

Thank you for your prayers.

Love and hugs❤

 

Debbie - Thank you very much!  I am sure it has gotten worse due to emotional issues but it will get better.  I agree - crazy benzo's!!  They do what they want when they want!

 

I hope you feel better soon too!

Love and hugs to you too!

Julia  :smitten:

 

[[Wo...]]

Hi ladies,

I survived the big family reunion picnic yesterday! Lots of stimulation and noise and chaos but I got through it. It actually was nice at times to distract from thinking of my taper process all the time. We didn’t stay for fireworks. We watched them from the road pulled over. My husband is a combat vet on the front lines from the Persian Gulf war and he does not like fireworks for pretty obvious reasons. I don’t blame him and it doesn’t bother me to watch from a ways away to accommodate him. He’s always so amazing to me. His Aunt presented him yesterday with a quilt of valor she made for his service. It was pretty special.  Thank your husband for his service.  My husband retired from the Army in 1994 which was the vietnam era - he has alot of PTSD issues and I know he would understand staying away from loud noises.  I think that was beautiful that his Aunt presented him with a quilt of valor - so moving that she did that!  I am glad you enjoyed your visit and I am sure it did help with distraction! 

 

I know this sounds weird or bad but sometimes it makes me a little sad at those kind of occasions because I miss the old me…….the one that could have so much fun and endure in a beer or now and again. I was never a huge drinker but likes to socially have a few beers, and that sucks to me that I can’t do that. I hope someday I’ll be able to have some again. I get afraid it will never happen, and that just sucks. I know, it is a stupid thing to get upset about but I think it more symbolizes what has been taken from me and how I’ve lost the person I once was. I know exactly you mean - I did not drink alot before this all happened but I did like to have a strawberry daiquiri once in a while but have not drank now in over 5 years.  I do miss it every once in a while.  I also agree it is more about the person I was and the things I used to be able to do.  We will get back to that before you know it. It does not sound stupid - it sounds normal!  So much has been taken from us!  But we will have those things that we enjoyed back! 

 

I did sleep good last night, and proceeded with the taper today. The finish line can’t come soon enough. That is great that you were able to sleep last night and I know how you feel about the finish line.  We will get there my friend, we all will. 

 

I’m sorry for you that are suffering with far worst withdrawals than I. I hope the symptoms let up for you,

HM, I’m hoping that you can get some sleep soon. I feel for you with the insomnia. I hope DD your wave lets up and you feel the comfort of us surrounding you in this tough time with losing your Mother. Julia, I hope you can have a great day and know that I’m sending hugs to you today and that your balance symptoms reprieve!The highlight of my day has truly been being with my husband and reading all of the post here today!  They have made me smile and that is a great things!  Seasalt, MaryBeth, and Baddove, I hope you are all hanging in there with your taper and withdrawal symptoms. I hope your cuts are going ok, and you are able to hang in there. Thoughts and hugs to you all.

 

I hope you all have a blessed and beautiful day. Hugs to you all.

Love,

Mary  :smitten:

 

I love you Mary - you are so special to me!!!!!!!!  :angel:

 

 

I love you back……big time!!  :smitten: :smitten:

[[Wo...]]

Mary your post to Julia was beautiful. 

So thankful you were able to enjoy the family reunion.  It's not silly to morn the old you I do the same.

Love to all,

Debbie❤

 

 

Love and hugs to you Debbie!!  :smitten:

[[Di...]]

Mary your post to Julia was beautiful. 

So thankful you were able to enjoy the family reunion.  It's not silly to morn the old you I do the same.

Love to all,

Debbie❤

 

 

Love and hugs to you Debbie!!  :smitten:

 

Mary you are always so encouraging.

 

Love to you 

[[to...]]

Mary your post to Julia was beautiful. 

So thankful you were able to enjoy the family reunion.  It's not silly to morn the old you I do the same.

Love to all,

Debbie❤

 

 

Love and hugs to you Debbie!!  :smitten:

 

Mary you are always so encouraging.

 

Love to you 

 

Yes - Mary is always encouraging and a ray of sunshine!!!  You are pretty encouraging too Debbie !!! 

Thank you both for being here and sharing with me!  We will get through all this together!

:smitten: :hug:

 

Love you both!!!!

Julia  :smitten:

[[to...]]

Hello,

I want to thank Baddove, Mary, Debbie, Laurie, HeartMost and EnzoIt for the birthday wishes, encouragement, support and love shown to me yesterday and the last couple days before that as I was dealing with a very hard and emotional time.  It helped me more than you could possibly know and I am so appreciative that you all were there for me!  You all made this time a lot easier to get through and I actually had a better birthday than I have had in a long time.  Thank you!

 

I am still dealing with some off balance and stomach issues but I know they will get better with the past few days behind me, for another year! 

 

I just wanted you all to know how much I appreciate you and love you and it was nice to know how much you care!  It amazes me that people that I have never met care more about me than my family and other so called friends did as I went through this time.  I will never forget how you rallied around me and helped me!

 

Love and hugs and prayers,

Julia  :smitten:

[[He...]]

Hello,

I want to thank Baddove, Mary, Debbie, Laurie, HeartMost and EnzoIt for the birthday wishes, encouragement, support and love shown to me yesterday and the last couple days before that as I was dealing with a very hard and emotional time.  It helped me more than you could possibly know and I am so appreciative that you all were there for me!  You all made this time a lot easier to get through and I actually had a better birthday than I have had in a long time.  Thank you!

 

I am still dealing with some off balance and stomach issues but I know they will get better with the past few days behind me, for another year! 

 

I just wanted you all to know how much I appreciate you and love you and it was nice to know how much you care!  It amazes me that people that I have never met care more about me than my family and other so called friends did as I went through this time.  I will never forget how you rallied around me and helped me!

 

Love and hugs and prayers,

Julia  :smitten:

 

Julia,

 

  It doesn't need to be your birthday for us to rally around you and love you

I hope your balance and stomach issues get better for you today. I was awake all night until 6:45 am when I feel asleep a couple times for a little while. I'll take it!

 

Have a great Tuesday everyone,

 

HM

[[to...]]

Hello,

I want to thank Baddove, Mary, Debbie, Laurie, HeartMost and EnzoIt for the birthday wishes, encouragement, support and love shown to me yesterday and the last couple days before that as I was dealing with a very hard and emotional time.  It helped me more than you could possibly know and I am so appreciative that you all were there for me!  You all made this time a lot easier to get through and I actually had a better birthday than I have had in a long time.  Thank you!

 

I am still dealing with some off balance and stomach issues but I know they will get better with the past few days behind me, for another year! 

 

I just wanted you all to know how much I appreciate you and love you and it was nice to know how much you care!  It amazes me that people that I have never met care more about me than my family and other so called friends did as I went through this time.  I will never forget how you rallied around me and helped me!

 

Love and hugs and prayers,

Julia  :smitten:

 

Julia,

 

  It doesn't need to be your birthday for us to rally around you and love you

I hope your balance and stomach issues get better for you today. I was awake all night until 6:45 am when I feel asleep a couple times for a little while. I'll take it!

 

Have a great Tuesday everyone,

 

HM

 

Hi HM - I know - I just wanted to specifically say thanks for the last few days.  I am thankful to know you are always here no matter what it going on with me as I am for all of you!

 

Thank you -  I know it will get better!

 

I am so sorry you did not get alot of sleep last night.  I really hope tonight is better.

 

Have as best a day as you can.

 

Hugs and love,

Julia  :smitten:

[[Di...]]

HM I am so sorry you didn't get any sleep but so thankful your GAD is better.  Praying for sleep for you tonight.

 

Julia you are so very welcome we all love you and support you always.  Praying your balance and stomach issues clear up very very soon.

 

I had a wonderful window last night that I am so grateful and thankful for.  Today isn't one of the best but hoping it will get better.

 

Wishing a better day to everyone!

 

Love and hugs❤

[[to...]]

HM I am so sorry you didn't get any sleep but so thankful your GAD is better.  Praying for sleep for you tonight.

 

Julia you are so very welcome we all love you and support you always.  Praying your balance and stomach issues clear up very very soon.

 

I had a wonderful window last night that I am so grateful and thankful for.  Today isn't one of the best but hoping it will get better.

 

Wishing a better day to everyone!

 

Love and hugs❤

 

Thank you Debbie, with all my heart!    - I had to go out this afternoon and that gave me alot of anxiety and I had to take my 3rd dose of the day early but I got through it.  I have stayed in for so long now that going out at all gives me anxiety!  I have had anxiety when I ride in a car for years but this is ridiculous.  I am working on it with my therapist but it does not really seem to help me.  I will get better! 

 

I am so happy that you had a wonderful window last night and I am hoping you have another one this evening too!  I am sorry today has not been great but I am hoping that changes for you! 

 

Take care!

 

Love,

Julia  :hug:

[[se...]]

Hello all,

 

Julia and Debbie, I know you are both struggling with stomach issues. For the last two weeks I have been having nausea, dull pain in the center of my abdomen, right side and my back.  I have also been having constipation, lists of gas… it feels like I am not digesting properly.  Do either of you experience this?  I am starting to think I am having gallbladder or pancreas issues?

 

Hope this evening you are both doing better…hugs

[[Di...]]

HM I am so sorry you didn't get any sleep but so thankful your GAD is better.  Praying for sleep for you tonight.

 

Julia you are so very welcome we all love you and support you always.  Praying your balance and stomach issues clear up very very soon.

 

I had a wonderful window last night that I am so grateful and thankful for.  Today isn't one of the best but hoping it will get better.

 

Wishing a better day to everyone!

 

Love and hugs❤

 

Thank you Debbie, with all my heart!    - I had to go out this afternoon and that gave me alot of anxiety and I had to take my 3rd dose of the day early but I got through it.  I have stayed in for so long now that going out at all gives me anxiety!  I have had anxiety when I ride in a car for years but this is ridiculous.  I am working on it with my therapist but it does not really seem to help me.  I will get better! 

 

I am so happy that you had a wonderful window last night and I am hoping you have another one this evening too!  I am sorry today has not been great but I am hoping that changes for you! 

 

Take care!

 

Love,

Julia  :hug:

 

Julia I understand and am so sorry anxiety is such a horrible symptom to have.  I do better driving myself then riding but I sure don't like to leave the house.  Everything thing makes me anxious.  I just told my husband the same thing a few minutes ago about this being ridiculous!  Just wish I could handle things better.  I'm glad you were able to get through it today.  Praying it will get better and better for you very soon.

 

Thank you I sure needed that window last night.  I am starting to see a window opening up tonight "thank you Lord"!  Do you get windows often? 

 

Hope you have a restful evening.

 

Love and hugs❤

[[Di...]]

Hello all,

 

Julia and Debbie, I know you are both struggling with stomach issues. For the last two weeks I have been having nausea, dull pain in the center of my abdomen, right side and my back.  I have also been having constipation, lists of gas… it feels like I am not digesting properly.  Do either of you experience this?  I am starting to think I am having gallbladder or pancreas issues?

 

Hope this evening you are both doing better…hugs

 

Hi Laurie,

Oh my goodness!  Mine is mostly a feeling like there is a smoldering fire at the top of my stomach with some gas and burping but not always.  Might be a good idea to get it checked out.  I am so sorry you are feeling so bad.  Please keep us updated.

 

We love you ❤

[[se...]]

Thank you Debbie,

 

The last thing I want to do is go to the doctor..ugh!  I have been backing off anything that may cause a gallbladder or pancrease flare to see if that makes a difference.  I’m praying this is withdrawal and resolves.  I know I have said this before , I feel like every week there is something new! 

 

Thank you, I love you all too! ❤️

[[to...]]

Hello all,

 

Julia and Debbie, I know you are both struggling with stomach issues. For the last two weeks I have been having nausea, dull pain in the center of my abdomen, right side and my back.  I have also been having constipation, lists of gas… it feels like I am not digesting properly.  Do either of you experience this?  I am starting to think I am having gallbladder or pancreas issues?

 

Hope this evening you are both doing better…hugs

 

Hi Laurie - I have been having pains in my right side and lower left and right front for a couple weeks now.  It comes and goes.  I have also been having some nausea lately too but not alot.  It is usually in the mornings.  Mostly my stomach just hurts - it is hard to describe.  It hurts to touch it sometimes too, especially in the center under my breasts.  I had my gallbladder removed a couple years ago.  I am sure mine is from the taper.  I have had gastritis for a long time but I really think that what I have been experiencing lately is the taper.  I also have bouts of excess gas and it usually hits me at night.

 

I sure hope you will feel better.  It sucks with the constant new symptoms and not knowing if it is the taper or something else.  I totally understand not wanting to go to the doctor - especially since most every time I go for something, they can not find anything or say it is anxiety -   Do you think it could be gastritis?  Some of the symptoms are ones I have had with gastritis.

 

Love,

Julia 

[[se...]]

Thank you Julia,

 

Yes, it started out feeling like gastritis and now just pain, pinching and almost constant stomach pain.  Thank you so much for validating this.  It is definitely amping up the lower I get.  Like you the excess gas does happen at night as well.  I am hoping this passes soon, so tired of feeling sick.

 

Hope you are hanging in there.  Hugs

[[Di...]]

Laurie have you tried gasx?  I've used it and gin gins ginger hard candy...seems like they both help a little.  I don't blame you not wanting to go to the doctor.  Praying it goes away soon.

❤❤❤

 

[[to...]]

Thank you Julia,

 

Yes, it started out feeling like gastritis and now just pain, pinching and almost constant stomach pain.  Thank you so much for validating this.  It is definitely amping up the lower I get.  Like you the excess gas does happen at night as well.  I am hoping this passes soon, so tired of feeling sick.

 

Hope you are hanging in there.  Hugs

Hi Laurie,

You're welcome!! Benzos are evil!!

I agree with you, I hope it passes soon too.  All this crap sucks!!!

I'm hanging in there.

I hope you feel better soon!!!

Hugs and love,

Julia

[[Wo...]]

Oh ladies! I’m so sorry you are having some trouble. I’m hoping for it to resolve soon for you all. I have had pain in the stomach and gastritis and terrible gerd over the course of my taper and withdrawals. In fact in the beginning they sent me to a surgeon saying I needed my gallbladder out. It was because I was in cold turkey withdrawals. I will say it has gotten so much better the lower I’ve gotten in dose. I’m feeling really good today. Such a great window. I’ll take it and hoping it stays for awhile! I’m 77% down now. I am at a dose of 0.0575. I have slept through my 3am dose the last two nights and took it in the morning And then had to back up my other doses. I actually think I was feeling better before I took each of my doses but it’s hard to know. I could’ve just been feeling good today with an awesome window. Hard to know, Xanax likes to keep us guessing on how it wants to make us feel. I had a pretty low key day. It’s supposed to cool way off here tomorrow. We sure could use some rain. It’s terribly dry here. I’m hoping for relief for you all, continued healing, and strength and comfort! I’m sending you all hugs and as always good vibes!

 

I read this the other day and it made me think of all of you…….The lotus flower is a symbol of strength and courage because of its resilience in surviving in murky and filthy environments. The lotus pushes through muddy, dark water until it surfaces and opens its petals in full bloom. The obstacles it has to fight through to reach the top are symbolic of obstacles one has to overcome to reach their goals or success. 

 

You are all beautiful lotus flowers pushing your way through these crappy times……your strength and courage will succeed over this and when you all emerge from the depths of this dark place you will flourish and blossom into something so beautiful……just like a lotus flower! You are all amazing, strong, courageous, and just when you think you can’t go on……you power through. You are all my inspiration and heroes. My beautiful lotus flowers! I love you each very much and know deep in my soul you will all succeed and be victorious! Sending many blessings and prayers for better days ahead for each of you. Hugs to you all!

 

Love,

Mary  :smitten: :smitten:

[[Di...]]

Mary that was beautiful!  Thank you. ❤

 

I am so glad you had a wonderful day praying many more for you.

 

[[He...]]

Oh ladies! I’m so sorry you are having some trouble. I’m hoping for it to resolve soon for you all. I have had pain in the stomach and gastritis and terrible gerd over the course of my taper and withdrawals. In fact in the beginning they sent me to a surgeon saying I needed my gallbladder out. It was because I was in cold turkey withdrawals. I will say it has gotten so much better the lower I’ve gotten in dose. I’m feeling really good today. Such a great window. I’ll take it and hoping it stays for awhile! I’m 77% down now. I am at a dose of 0.0575. I have slept through my 3am dose the last two nights and took it in the morning And then had to back up my other doses. I actually think I was feeling better before I took each of my doses but it’s hard to know. I could’ve just been feeling good today with an awesome window. Hard to know, Xanax likes to keep us guessing on how it wants to make us feel. I had a pretty low key day. It’s supposed to cool way off here tomorrow. We sure could use some rain. It’s terribly dry here. I’m hoping for relief for you all, continued healing, and strength and comfort! I’m sending you all hugs and as always good vibes!

 

I read this the other day and it made me think of all of you…….The lotus flower is a symbol of strength and courage because of its resilience in surviving in murky and filthy environments. The lotus pushes through muddy, dark water until it surfaces and opens its petals in full bloom. The obstacles it has to fight through to reach the top are symbolic of obstacles one has to overcome to reach their goals or success. 

 

You are all beautiful lotus flowers pushing your way through these crappy times……your strength and courage will succeed over this and when you all emerge from the depths of this dark place you will flourish and blossom into something so beautiful……just like a lotus flower! You are all amazing, strong, courageous, and just when you think you can’t go on……you power through. You are all my inspiration and heroes. My beautiful lotus flowers! I love you each very much and know deep in my soul you will all succeed and be victorious! Sending many blessings and prayers for better days ahead for each of you. Hugs to you all!

 

Love,

Mary  :smitten: :smitten:

 

Mary,

 

  I am so happy you're feeling good and having a nice window! Thank you for the well wishes and the faith in all of us that we will have our own windows. It's inspiring to hear that you have pushed through to have such a nice window and that means we can do it too. Thank you, again and have a blessed Wednesday.

 

Hus and loves,

 

HM

[[to...]]

Oh ladies! I’m so sorry you are having some trouble. I’m hoping for it to resolve soon for you all. I have had pain in the stomach and gastritis and terrible gerd over the course of my taper and withdrawals. In fact in the beginning they sent me to a surgeon saying I needed my gallbladder out. It was because I was in cold turkey withdrawals. I will say it has gotten so much better the lower I’ve gotten in dose. I’m feeling really good today. Such a great window. I’ll take it and hoping it stays for awhile! I’m 77% down now. I am at a dose of 0.0575. I have slept through my 3am dose the last two nights and took it in the morning And then had to back up my other doses. I actually think I was feeling better before I took each of my doses but it’s hard to know. I could’ve just been feeling good today with an awesome window. Hard to know, Xanax likes to keep us guessing on how it wants to make us feel. I had a pretty low key day. It’s supposed to cool way off here tomorrow. We sure could use some rain. It’s terribly dry here. I’m hoping for relief for you all, continued healing, and strength and comfort! I’m sending you all hugs and as always good vibes!

 

I read this the other day and it made me think of all of you…….The lotus flower is a symbol of strength and courage because of its resilience in surviving in murky and filthy environments. The lotus pushes through muddy, dark water until it surfaces and opens its petals in full bloom. The obstacles it has to fight through to reach the top are symbolic of obstacles one has to overcome to reach their goals or success. 

 

You are all beautiful lotus flowers pushing your way through these crappy times……your strength and courage will succeed over this and when you all emerge from the depths of this dark place you will flourish and blossom into something so beautiful……just like a lotus flower! You are all amazing, strong, courageous, and just when you think you can’t go on……you power through. You are all my inspiration and heroes. My beautiful lotus flowers! I love you each very much and know deep in my soul you will all succeed and be victorious! Sending many blessings and prayers for better days ahead for each of you. Hugs to you all!

 

Love,

Mary  :smitten: :smitten:

 

Hi Mary,

You are the most wonderful, kind and awesome person!  You always make me smile and make me feel  so loved!  I feel the same about you and you inspire me as well.  I am so proud of how well you are doing and how far you have come!!  77% is awesome!  You will be done with this evil drug before you know it!

 

Your kindness and caring mean so much and I know that with your encouragement, support and love, we will get through this and be even stronger!

 

I love you and thank God for you every day!  I thank God for the many people here who are genuine and caring!  It is so refreshing to have real people here that really care and not just say they do!

 

I am very happy that you are feeling so good and are enjoying your window!  I pray that it continues.  You really are making so much progress by leaps and bounds! 

 

Love you always,

Julia  :smitten:

[[se...]]

Mary,

 

This was such a nice post!  Thank you for the encouraging words!  You are so low you will be walking off soon!

 

Gastritis is hitting me hard tonight.  Drinking ginger and hoping it passes.  Stay strong ladies!!

[[se...]]

Debbie,

 

Ginger seems to calm things down. Hope it works for you too.  Using a heating pad too..