Under .125 Klonopin Club

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I made it to 0.05 mg.  Been doing this slow taper since 0.125mg.

 

50 days to go at 0.001 mg per day taper.

 

I do think I am slowly feeling better as the klonopin leaves my system.  My performance at work in particular.  Sleep is better - unless I have high levels of stress from work or home - but that is a natural response I need to learn to cope with.

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Great, Bob!  How great to be feeling better and better as you go down.  You have nowhere to go but up!!  :  )

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Thanks.  I cannot wait to join you in the 0 club.

 

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By summer's end, Bob!

 

[[Gr...]]

Bob- That is great news!  .05mg...Wow!!!  That is so interesting about you feeling better, especially at work. 

 

Oh Flibberty and NJStrength-  You guys...I never looked at it from my MIL's perspective.  We live very far away from her with her only grandson and she is so dedicated to visiting twice a year.  I am often annoyed with her booking flights that seem extremely long and very often.  I hadn't thought about what it would be like to be away from MY grandchild. 

 

Well, one more stressful day done.  Today I used my breathing exercises to calm down and everything went find.  I have found that I am relating to people more lately.  I feel more in tune with my emotions and more okay with them and it makes it easier to relate to people.  Have had a bit of a headache on and off for a few days, but nothing too serious. 

 

My sleep is okay when I take flexeril, which I did last night and the night before.  I feel a little guilty cause I am still using a drug to get quality sleep when I am stressed out.  It has been making such a difference for me. 

[[Wo...]]

Congratulations Fibberty!!!! That’s such great news. And Bob you too!

 

I’m down to .014. I’m trying to go a little faster now to .003 per week and then walk off at .003. It should be about 5 more weeks if I can keep this pace.

 

I am feeling a lot better. Great windows and energy sleep is good. My body definitely likes having this stuff out of my system.

 

Keep up the good work everyone!!!

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Congratulations Fibberty!!!! That’s such great news. And Bob you too!

 

I’m down to .014. I’m trying to go a little faster now to .003 per week and then walk off at .003. It should be about 5 more weeks if I can keep this pace.

 

I am feeling a lot better. Great windows and energy sleep is good. My body definitely likes having this stuff out of my system.

 

Keep up the good work everyone!!!

Congrats WW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I agree - "my body likes having this out of my system".

I am about 6.5 weeks away from walk off.

 

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Fantastic, WW!  Thanks for coming back to encourage us!

[[Wo...]]

How are you doing Fibberty? Thanks for coming back and reporting from the other side!

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I'm sorry to say, WW and all, that I'm not doing well.  I would certainly recommend to everyone here that you keep doing what you're doing, with holds and taking it very slowly.  I have had some respite, but I am also having some of the lowest of the low times.  I feel that I am in an acute state, with heightened physical symptoms and a return of the dp/dr and deep depression/anxiety.  Anxiety is the most intense I've ever felt.  I was so hopeful during the initial days after the jump, stepping off really, because I felt a shift, as I mentioned.  I'm not feeling that now, right now anyway.  I did go to town yesterday and went to the grocery store, saw a new therapist, and well, actually ran a lot of errands that I'd put off.  I helped my friend/neighbor make lunch for her son and his crew of farm to table farmers today at her house.  I also made appointments to do other things later in the week.  All of this sounds like progress, but...it's just so hard to see any progress when it's a very low time, as everyone knows, and today has been horrible; I had to pretend to be okay, which I always hate.  It's such a psychological quagmire.  My husband is going away on Thursday for five days.  I'm so glad he's getting a break and a friend is coming to stay with me, but I can't help feeling like I'm her host, which is stressful, AND my husband will be away.  My daughter and her family are coming next week, and I'm very apprehensive about that, again the host, and I adore my grandchildren but I'm not the person that they know and love, and I have almost no energy a lot of the time.  I tried some full spectrum CBD oil and felt my anxiety increase almost immediately, and I was so hopeful about it.  Plus, of course I was hopeful about feeling better once I got off the k, as some of you are feeling as you simply go down.  So, unfortunately, that's how I am.  Sorry to be so grim.  I will try to write again when I'm more optimistic.  I hope everyone else is much better than this!

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I'm sorry to say, WW and all, that I'm not doing well.  I would certainly recommend to everyone here that you keep doing what you're doing, with holds and taking it very slowly.  I have had some respite, but I am also having some of the lowest of the low times.  I feel that I am in an acute state, with heightened physical symptoms and a return of the dp/dr and deep depression/anxiety.  Anxiety is the most intense I've ever felt.  I was so hopeful during the initial days after the jump, stepping off really, because I felt a shift, as I mentioned.  I'm not feeling that now, right now anyway.  I did go to town yesterday and went to the grocery store, saw a new therapist, and well, actually ran a lot of errands that I'd put off.  I helped my friend/neighbor make lunch for her son and his crew of farm to table farmers today at her house.  I also made appointments to do other things later in the week.  All of this sounds like progress, but...it's just so hard to see any progress when it's a very low time, as everyone knows, and today has been horrible; I had to pretend to be okay, which I always hate.  It's such a psychological quagmire.  My husband is going away on Thursday for five days.  I'm so glad he's getting a break and a friend is coming to stay with me, but I can't help feeling like I'm her host, which is stressful, AND my husband will be away.  My daughter and her family are coming next week, and I'm very apprehensive about that, again the host, and I adore my grandchildren but I'm not the person that they know and love, and I have almost no energy a lot of the time.  I tried some full spectrum CBD oil and felt my anxiety increase almost immediately, and I was so hopeful about it.  Plus, of course I was hopeful about feeling better once I got off the k, as some of you are feeling as you simply go down.  So, unfortunately, that's how I am.  Sorry to be so grim.  I will try to write again when I'm more optimistic.  I hope everyone else is much better than this!

I am so sorry to hear this flibberty.

How where you feeling during the last few weeks of your taper?

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Thank you, Bob.  There was no real change during the last weeks until the final few days.  Of course, I was in Ireland most of the time, and that was a huge drain of energy, so it's hard to tell whether that had an impact on progress.  I do know that psychologically it was a good thing, so I don't regret it.  I am so humbled by those who do this alone.

[[Wo...]]

Hi Fibberty and all. I am getting nervous about jumping and what may lie on the other side. When you said there was no change until the final days what do you mean by that? I am impressed by your ability to stay really mobile and travel through all of this. And I’m so sorry that things are hard now. Bob and I will be with you in the other side soon and we can all cheer each other on!

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Thank you, WW.  I think you can feel quite confident about jumping as you have been so good that you have mostly felt no need to visit here.  I meant that I had glimpses around the time I jumped of the old me; they were eclipsed by the "bad" stuff pretty quickly, and I never felt truly normal.

 

Yes, I have been fairly mobile, but only because I simply couldn't tolerate being at home all the time.  The traveling and so forth has exacted a heavy toll, and it has caused people to think I am more capable than I really am, which is a problem when I desperately need help, such as now.

 

I am more and more beset by worries about my daughter's visit.  She married an extremely wealthy man and his parents have an estate here.  We have all agreed that it would be best if they stay at his parents' (who are at one of their Sun Valley house!), because it would be such a strain to have them here.  They have one of the largest private gardens in the eastern U.S. and there is a coffee table book about their house. It's gorgeous.  Our place is, in the best of times, wild and unkempt, and now, as the summer draws on, the road has become dusty, everything is drying up and turning brown and our pond has gotten murky and is filled with duck weed.  It's almost a joke, but I'm not able to see the humor just now, and feeling absolutely horrible about myself and everything that's mine.  It's a torture chamber---of my own making, I know, but that just makes it worse.  I feel I ought to be able to control my thoughts, but it's hard to do that for the entire 18 or 19 hours I'm awake, particularly during the night, when I'm at my most vulnerable.  And, of course, I feel that all of this stress is impeding my progress, which it probably very much is.  Ha!  I promised a more optimistic post!  Maybe next time!  Best to you all.

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BTW, I realize that my problems are first world, but knowing that just adds to my negative feelings about myself.

[[Gr...]]

Hey Guys!

 

I am definitely in somewhat of a window right now.  We are definitely moving halfway through August as we are buying a house for the first time!  It's very exciting. 

 

I found some more .25mg tablets, and it will last me till about August 7th.  The closing on our house is August 14th and we have to be out of the apartment we are renting by the end of August.  I am thinking I am going to hold until this whole moving thing is over.  It's funny cause I started holding cause I had some appointments and obligations the first week of July, but right around then, I actually started to feel much better.  I got to .060mg on March 19th and then did the slight updose to .0625 on March 25th.  So I've pretty much been holding for almost FOUR MONTHS. 

 

I can't believe that I am holding at this tiny dose; yet, I also did not think I would be able to feel this good.  Mind you, I don't feel great but I feel SO MUCH BETTER than I have in the whole last year.  I made some real headway with my anger and our couples counseling has really helped me to figure out my own issues much more.  I honestly don't think I could have made that progress without holding.

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That all sounds great, GreenCup!!  Congratulations to you on your house and your marriage work!  Fabulous!  Very exciting about your new house; it's so good that you are feeling the energy for it.

[[Wo...]]

Hi everyone

 

Sorry i have been so lazy about posting it’s just because it’s awkward to type on my phone and I finally found a good FB group that’s small and supportive so I’ve been doing that more.

 

Excellent news on the hold green cup!! Glad things are looking up and yay on the house! Happy to see you here Fibberty that at least tells me you are okay. Even if things feel wonky you can get on and relate that’s big.

 

I cut down to .008 tonight! I have 2 more cuts after this.

 

Feeling nervous still about post but there’s no way to go but forward.

 

All the best!!

 

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Hey Guys!

 

I am definitely in somewhat of a window right now.  We are definitely moving halfway through August as we are buying a house for the first time!  It's very exciting. 

 

I found some more .25mg tablets, and it will last me till about August 7th.  The closing on our house is August 14th and we have to be out of the apartment we are renting by the end of August.  I am thinking I am going to hold until this whole moving thing is over.  It's funny cause I started holding cause I had some appointments and obligations the first week of July, but right around then, I actually started to feel much better.  I got to .060mg on March 19th and then did the slight updose to .0625 on March 25th.  So I've pretty much been holding for almost FOUR MONTHS. 

 

I can't believe that I am holding at this tiny dose; yet, I also did not think I would be able to feel this good.  Mind you, I don't feel great but I feel SO MUCH BETTER than I have in the whole last year.  I made some real headway with my anger and our couples counseling has really helped me to figure out my own issues much more.  I honestly don't think I could have made that progress without holding.

Congrats on buying a house.  I agree, a long hold at a low dose does bring more stable times.  It also gets you used to a new level - kind of a reset.

 

[[Wo...]]

Hi everyone so I cut to .0087 last night. It’s so small the gram scale doesn’t register so I put a whole pill on the scale and add the tiny flake and it works. I felt the cut right away. I had some pain and sadness in the middle of the night and today I have a pretty low mood and some fatigue. Also a little anxiety and DR. I know this is totally normal and to be expected and for some reason today I just feel so tired of the whole process.

 

Bob how is your taper?

 

Any word from Kristin?

 

Hope everyone is doing ok today. I am at the pool with my son.

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Hi everyone so I cut to .0087 last night. It’s so small the gram scale doesn’t register so I put a whole pill on the scale and add the tiny flake and it works. I felt the cut right away. I had some pain and sadness in the middle of the night and today I have a pretty low mood and some fatigue. Also a little anxiety and DR. I know this is totally normal and to be expected and for some reason today I just feel so tired of the whole process.

 

Bob how is your taper?

 

Any word from Kristin?

 

Hope everyone is doing ok today. I am at the pool with my son.

Hi WW,

My taper is almost done.  36 days left if I can hang onto 0.001 mg a day.  The only symptom which bothers me is I get real chilled - at work or anywhere with heavy air conditioning.  I get so cold I think I am coming down with a flu.  Then all of a sudden I get so hot I sweat.  Kind-of problematic at work.  I bring two shirts to work and trade them as needed.  Weird but manageable. 

 

I am SO MUCH BETTER these last few months.  I can recall 6 months ago - all the chest pains, insomnia, fatigue, and anxiety.  Most of that is gone - the insomnia is still a little bit of a problem but manageable with anxiety reducing meditations and Chamomile extract and an advil or aspirin.

 

Hey - I think you were real smart to figure out how to weight tiny bits of a pill.  Putting a full pill on first and then noting the difference when you add your dose sounds like a good idea.  I have not tried it but it seems like it would work.  Good thinking.

 

Bob

 

[[NJ...]]

Hi everyone so I cut to .0087 last night. It’s so small the gram scale doesn’t register so I put a whole pill on the scale and add the tiny flake and it works. I felt the cut right away. I had some pain and sadness in the middle of the night and today I have a pretty low mood and some fatigue. Also a little anxiety and DR. I know this is totally normal and to be expected and for some reason today I just feel so tired of the whole process.

 

Bob how is your taper?

 

Any word from Kristin?

 

Hope everyone is doing ok today. I am at the pool with my son.

Hi WW,

My taper is almost done.  36 days left if I can hang onto 0.001 mg a day.  The only symptom which bothers me is I get real chilled - at work or anywhere with heavy air conditioning.  I get so cold I think I am coming down with a flu.  Then all of a sudden I get so hot I sweat.  Kind-of problematic at work.  I bring two shirts to work and trade them as needed.  Weird but manageable. 

 

I am SO MUCH BETTER these last few months.  I can recall 6 months ago - all the chest pains, insomnia, fatigue, and anxiety.  Most of that is gone - the insomnia is still a little bit of a problem but manageable with anxiety reducing meditations and Chamomile extract and an advil or aspirin.

 

Hey - I think you were real smart to figure out how to weight tiny bits of a pill.  Putting a full pill on first and then noting the difference when you add your dose sounds like a good idea.  I have not tried it but it seems like it would work.  Good thinking.

 

Bob

 

I just wanted to bump into this thread even though I don't belong and congratulate Bob, WW and GC for doing so well. This is an inspiration to those of us who really want to be under .125 mg someday. It seems that you are proving that, for some, things can improve at a lower dose. I am still hovering at about .4 mg of K but hope that by the spring I will be down to .125. I wish you all continued success and smooth stepping off (and GC, congratulations on the move!).

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Wow and congratulations to everyone!  The Under .125 club is moving toward extinction!  I am happy to say that my fears about my daughter's visit have not been realized.  We are having a GREAT time.  My grandchildren couldn't be more fun, my daughter and son-in-law more sympathetic and reassuring, and guess what?  His parents' place is not perfect!  Some of the bushes look like dogs peed on them and there are weeds!  And the hedges need trimming!  And it's just as hot over there as it is here.  I had a perfectly wonderful time swimming in their fabulous pool and when we're over here, we have a kiddie pool rigged up with a play structure slide going into it, and the kids LOVE it.  It's sobering, really, to understand in a real way, how much stress and worry get in the way of, maybe not eventual healing, but certainly feeling good while healing is happening; I was an absolute mess the week before they came.  I have major dp/dr still and some depression, but I am able to enjoy my kids and grandkids, at least, and do what needs to be done, and sleep!  I hope I can keep this going after they're gone.  Luckily I will see them again in August, and we're going to see my son in early September, with some other distractions in between, so that should help move things along.  I have been desperate to be with my family during this ordeal, and I really believe it's because the children, especially, are living in the joyful now---no future and no past and and when I'm with them I'm in the now, too; it's extraordinarily healing.  Best to all of you!

[[be...]]

I've been checking in here every couple days trying to inform myself about what I could face at the very end.  It's exciting!  I've been on Klonopin for 26 and a half years and can honestly say it never helped me.  The fear of going off kept me at the same dose for 18 years.  Now, I may be months away from my final dose.

 

Bob- I'm glad to see you are still doing fine reducing by .001 mg.  I've been doing that for almost a month and feel better.  I'm at .108 now.  Reading everyone's progress is encouraging to me.

                                                                                            Beth

                                                                                       

[[Gr...]]

It's great to hear from everyone.  Bob and WW- you guys are almost done!  I wonder how Kristin is doing?  Beth, congrats on getting down to .108! 

 

Well I have realized now that I don't think my anger was caused by benzos, as much as I had not felt any emotions very strongly, in so long, that I could not control myself when some of them happened.  Although, I have NOT experienced extreme joy or wonder, in the overtaking manner as anger, so this theory may or may not be bunk.  This whole experiencing emotions thing, is something that I see I am going to have to work on probably for years to come, since I am so behind in how to deal with these things.