Who's Healing??? "No Benzos"

[[de...]]

I'm healing, even though it's tough and still tapering. 

 

I can feel the CNS depressants of benzo's and alcohol lifting from my brain and mind.  Lotsa (most) times it really freaks me out with its weirdness, but always thank goodness, with promise of healing.  It's scary to think of becoming conscious.  What a concept.  . 

 

Forever while we demand freedom from these things, and do it comfortably, we're ahead and healing. 

 

*  Made my room into my own room today.  That's progress. 

 

Dee

 

 

[[...]]

I had a window yesterday. I could think clearly, wasn’t constantly “checking in” to see if I was okay or feeling something. I began to think of WD in the past tense, similarly to how I felt in month 7. Physically I felt very good, no tight muscles, felt limber and light. Today my thinking is cloudy and my memory is poor again, but I’m definitely a bit better in many areas. Hopefully this finds many of you and gives you all a bit of hope.

[[...]]

I had a window yesterday. I could think clearly, wasn’t constantly “checking in” to see if I was okay or feeling something. I began to think of WD in the past tense, similarly to how I felt in month 7. Physically I felt very good, no tight muscles, felt limber and light. Today my thinking is cloudy and my memory is poor again, but I’m definitely a bit better in many areas. Hopefully this finds many of you and gives you all a bit of hope.

Thanks, glad to hear that, it sounds very encouraging.

[[de...]]

That "limber and light" feeling is really great when it happens.  Mostly it doesn't.  A younger feeling. 

 

I've thought it could be release of healing  hormones for some reason, but really don't know, only seen others mention hormones as important. 

 

Only a thought I had. 

 

Dee

 

[[...]]

I had a good nights sleep...my HR was in a straight line around 46bpm on my Apple Watch, on my bad nights it’s all over the place. I didn’t wake up confused or in fear, and I felt relatively refreshed. Still no where near healed, but 2 our of the last 3 days have been better. I hope this helps you all.

[[Dr...]]

Two weeks past i started my CT and feel lot better now! The best thing is I can feel again. happy bout the little things everyday

 

I learned that not just that 2,5months of abusing xanax made it this bad... it was the many years before i've eaten all those benzos and z drugs whenever I wanted uncontrolled and fuck up my gaba center kinda permanently. Not to mention booze and other stuff... That 2,5 month was the last push maybe 

 

For sleep i take melatonin (6mg) and diphenhydramine (25mg) every night and it works really well i hope can skip those soon to. And of course i can go back to gym now doing weights and tempo walking on the treadmill. Those things helps a lott

[[gi...]]

I had a good nights sleep...my HR was in a straight line around 46bpm on my Apple Watch, on my bad nights it’s all over the place. I didn’t wake up confused or in fear, and I felt relatively refreshed. Still no where near healed, but 2 our of the last 3 days have been better. I hope this helps you all.

 

Good to hear that TD1!  I slept well too for the past couple of nights, and my heart rate is around 50bpm at night.  I was worried it's too low, but I've read in some medical sources that heart rate of 50bpm or below while sleeping is actually a good thing, as it indicates cardiovascular health.  My B/P at night is good too, usually 115/65 or so.  I run a lot, they call it the 'athlete's heart."  I also take potassium citrate daily, it seems to help with sleep and blood pressure.  TD1, what do you think about these stats?

[[...]]

I had a good nights sleep...my HR was in a straight line around 46bpm on my Apple Watch, on my bad nights it’s all over the place. I didn’t wake up confused or in fear, and I felt relatively refreshed. Still no where near healed, but 2 our of the last 3 days have been better. I hope this helps you all.

 

Good to hear that TD1!  I slept well too for the past couple of nights, and my heart rate is around 50bpm at night.  I was worried it's too low, but I've read in some medical sources that heart rate of 50bpm or below while sleeping is actually a good thing, as it indicates cardiovascular health.  My B/P at night is good too, usually 115/65 or so.  I run a lot, they call it the 'athlete's heart."  I also take potassium citrate daily, it seems to help with sleep and blood pressure.  TD1, what do you think about these stats?

 

Those stats are ideal Ginger 👍

[[Pa...]]

I went on vacation last week and I felt 90% better while I was there. I slept better, I didn't sweat at night, anxiety was almost zero. I honestly felt I was almost healed. This is in contrast to last August when I was on benzos and went on vacation and was miserable 80% of the time. This last window was actually for 10 days which felt amazing. In my last two years on benzos and in withdrawal, I don't think I saw more than one or days of relief.

 

Unfortunately it didn't last. Yesterday morning I didn't sleep well and I went into a wave that's still with me. With that said, I would never ever reinstate. I'm so much better and I can feel myself healing.

[[...]]

I went on vacation last week and I felt 90% better while I was there. I slept better, I didn't sweat at night, anxiety was almost zero. I honestly felt I was almost healed. This is in contrast to last August when I was on benzos and went on vacation and was miserable 80% of the time. This last window was actually for 10 days which felt amazing. In my last two years on benzos and in withdrawal, I don't think I saw more than one or days of relief.

 

Unfortunately it didn't last. Yesterday morning I didn't sleep well and I went into a wave that's still with me. With that said, I would never ever reinstate. I'm so much better and I can feel myself healing.

 

That’s great Paul. Good to hear this stuff. What do your waves look like?

[[Pa...]]

Hi T1D,

 

I'm in a wave today again. They always start in the morning and usually during the week. I usually don't get a good night sleep. Wake a little early. Thoughts are racing and they make no sense. Get up to wash up and have breakfast and I go into a mini panic attack. Heart is pounding, breathing is heavy and fast, chest is tight, sometimes my throat is burnng, shakes, feel anxious and I become hyper sensitive. Everything feels overwealming and the least bit of bad news makes all my symptoms worse. I can't focus on my work and I can't confront anyone. Yesterday I began to feel better after 3pm.

 

Perhaps when I was on holidays I just didn't have the stress and was able to relax. At work, even though everything is going well, in the mornings I just feel like crap and can't deal with anything.

[[Rr...]]

I'm healing, off benzos.  I think I have been off 4 months.  I just accepted a job.  I will be teaching groups of people, empowering those with mental health issues/substance abuse about comorbitities.  It's kind of cool that I can share my own experiences.  I will be teaching people to be healthier.  I have started exercising, so I too will be making changes.  People will see me by appointment as well, so I can work with individuals.  I still need to modify diet.  I am kind of anxious about speaking in front of people.  Most of my career has been in a hospital setting. 

[[Ca...]]

I wish all of these comments had ‘like’ buttons ha ha congrats everyone

 

[[Dr...]]

A month free from benzos and i feel like 95% percent healed, can sleep now w/o any problem. Cold turkey was defo the right choice 4 me at least. If i chose taper maybe i would be on this chem for months more. This forum helped me a lot. Stay strong everyone.

[[To...]]

4+ months free and having windows with some regularity.  Slept well last night.  Dizziness at a low level today! No head pain/neck pain (YAY!).  I can feel the healing and it makes me happy! 

[[...]]

Last night I slept through the night. I woke up calm, not frightened or confused and panicked. I felt back to myself...or almost for most of the morning so far. This is amazing as I just went through 8 day horrific wave that was worse than my acute stuff (which for me was m4-m6). I can feel anxiety creeping up now, but this gave me hope and proves all my crazy theories that I have done underlying condition, or that I won’t heal - absolutely false.

 

I may have to come back to this post in a day or 2 when I’m dizzy and can’t getvoff the floor but that’s okay.

 

Keep in mind this happened just after a day that I almost went to the ER because I thought I was dying.

[[tr...]]

T1D, There are small short flashes when you think something is happening again, but then Mr. Withdrawal laughs at us straight up in the face. But just as you write, it's these short moments that make you completely disappear into the abyss, you are reminded that there is a life after this  -but sometimes it's hard to believe it.

[[...]]

I had an almost perfect window 2 days ago... it was about 3 hours.  I could think clearly, no worries, I was relaxed, confident etc.  I'm back in hell... but just wanted to get on here with some positive posts. 

[[To...]]

TID

 

Those windows keep us going and give us hope...

[[Mo...]]

Hi you guys! I stumbled across this group and love the uplifting words of encouragement. I have only had one window (about 3-4 hours) and that was about 3 weeks ago. If that's even possible since I have been off almost 7 weeks. But my symptoms are still around just not as intense...

[[To...]]

That's really good to hear, Momof3! The fact the symptoms are not so intense is certainly a good thing!

[[Mo...]]

Thank you toughnight....I find myself being hard on myself because I have never taken any drugs until this and I wasn't in them but 5 months including taper. I'm 29 single parent with 3 small boys (ages 2,5 and 7) and it's like I can't really take it easy because they need me. I do see improvement since I jumped... But I want to be normal again. I want to be a mom again. I'm sorry I know you guys want positive feedback but I'm really trying to be strong for myself and kids. My signature shows my timeline and symptoms from months one. My remaining symptoms are stiff neck/, tension (has let up a lot), anxiety in the morning, my head feels heavy, I'm moving around alot ( had to make myself move when I first jumped now I'm up and about), eating is coming back (had to make myself eat after I jumped and now I'm eating), I started laughing about 3 weeks ago (weird because I don't remember laughing really before at least not a good belly/jolly laughing), for some odd reason I started panicking going into the store(this has gotten better since I do what some would call exposure therapy and kept going till I was ok to actually shop without panicking.. I still have anxiety when I go but a whole lot better than 2 weeks ago), chest tightness has let up some but it's still off and on, teeth pain is new don't know what that's about but I made a dentist appointment to make sure, I have been having lower back pain like my tail bone hurts and I don't know if that's common or not. But this is what is still lingering but has improved since week 1. Hopes this helps someone

[[...]]

Thank you toughnight....I find myself being hard on myself because I have never taken any drugs until this and I wasn't in them but 5 months including taper. I'm 29 single parent with 3 small boys (ages 2,5 and 7) and it's like I can't really take it easy because they need me. I do see improvement since I jumped... But I want to be normal again. I want to be a mom again. I'm sorry I know you guys want positive feedback but I'm really trying to be strong for myself and kids. My signature shows my timeline and symptoms from months one. My remaining symptoms are stiff neck/, tension (has let up a lot), anxiety in the morning, my head feels heavy, I'm moving around alot ( had to make myself move when I first jumped now I'm up and about), eating is coming back (had to make myself eat after I jumped and now I'm eating), I started laughing about 3 weeks ago (weird because I don't remember laughing really before at least not a good belly/jolly laughing), for some odd reason I started panicking going into the store(this has gotten better since I do what some would call exposure therapy and kept going till I was ok to actually shop without panicking.. I still have anxiety when I go but a while lot better than 2 weeks ago), chest tightness has let up some but it's still off and on, teeth pain is new don't know what that's about but I made a dentist appointment to make sure, I have been having lower back pain like my tail bone hurts and I don't know if that's common or not. But this is what is still lingering but has improved since week 1. Hopes this helps someone

 

I just want to acknowledge how amazing you are to be going through this with 3 little boys. I have 1 three year old little girl...and I have my hands FULL to put it nicely. You’re going to be okay Mom 👍

[[To...]]

Momof3

 

Oh yeah, that "teeth pain" thing...UGH! :-(

Mine has come and gone, off and on, and didn't hang on too long.  Something new all the time.

I'm not surprised about you having the teeth thing, since you've had the back of the head pain thing too...they seem to be linked.

this too shall pass! Hang on (and I will too!)

 

[[Mo...]]

Thank you toughnight....I find myself being hard on myself because I have never taken any drugs until this and I wasn't in them but 5 months including taper. I'm 29 single parent with 3 small boys (ages 2,5 and 7) and it's like I can't really take it easy because they need me. I do see improvement since I jumped... But I want to be normal again. I want to be a mom again. I'm sorry I know you guys want positive feedback but I'm really trying to be strong for myself and kids. My signature shows my timeline and symptoms from months one. My remaining symptoms are stiff neck/, tension (has let up a lot), anxiety in the morning, my head feels heavy, I'm moving around alot ( had to make myself move when I first jumped now I'm up and about), eating is coming back (had to make myself eat after I jumped and now I'm eating), I started laughing about 3 weeks ago (weird because I don't remember laughing really before at least not a good belly/jolly laughing), for some odd reason I started panicking going into the store(this has gotten better since I do what some would call exposure therapy and kept going till I was ok to actually shop without panicking.. I still have anxiety when I go but a while lot better than 2 weeks ago), chest tightness has let up some but it's still off and on, teeth pain is new don't know what that's about but I made a dentist appointment to make sure, I have been having lower back pain like my tail bone hurts and I don't know if that's common or not. But this is what is still lingering but has improved since week 1. Hopes this helps someone

 

I just want to acknowledge how amazing you are to be going through this with 3 little boys. I have 1 three year old little girl...and I have my hands FULL to put it nicely. You’re going to be okay Mom 👍

 

Thank you so much!!! That toddler age is something serious. So you know we just really can't just lay around when they want you to play or you have to make sure they aren't into anything. I'm not working at the moment due to all this and had to move in with my parents. Now they want me to get a job... I'm really nervous/scared about that? I have always worked and had my own place until I started tapering off this drug. I just don't want to over do it but being broke is not good either. Do you guys work? If so how do you make it?