The Klonopin Klub#2

[[...]]

New Girl!You DID it!!!  YAY!!!!

 

You have come so far and even if it doesn't feel like it right now, Summer is turning to Fall, and Withdrawal is turning to Recovered!

 

Today I was noticing how fresh and cool it was outside.  My first thought was, "Could it be cooling off?  Summer has been so hellaciously hot!  Could Fall be coming?"  I wanted to hope but felt I couldn't.  Then I thought, "It is mid-September.  YES.  Fall is coming.  Even if there are a lot more hot days, the nature of the seasons is that Fall arrives.  It is inevitable.  Relax.  Summer has always ended before and this is the beginning of it's end.  There is a limited number to the hot days that are left.  Cool days are taking over!"

 

Keep us all posted, whether rough or easy.  SOOOO happy for you!

 

Nomo

 

 

[[ca...]]

New Girl, Awesome job now let the healing take place   ( Everyone ) else I send healing Huggs ~CD

[[Be...]]

Hey there. New Girl,

 

I was just getting ready to PM you and put out an APB. Now I know you were just hunkering down. CONGRATULATIONS on jumping! You may not feel like celebrating it, and that's OK. One day you will be celebrating LIFE with K in the rearview mirror if at all, and feeling good. It will come! Everything Kgirl said, I coudn't have said any better.

 

Big hug,

Bennie

[[be...]]

Hi:

 

Sorry I have not been around but I am busy, getting ready to move to Ohio. Bennie, anyone help:

 

My pdoc DXed me with F13.239 from DSM. That means anxiolytic dependency disorder or maybe benzo abuse. He earlier mentioned another DX which was quite different. What does this mean for me? Pls someone respond. I am frantic now. Help!

 

Betsy :'(

[[ca...]]

New Girl , Here is a song about rippin the Rear View Mirror  off on Klonopin

[[ca...]]

Bets, ? dependency and abuse are wayyyy different I got the code once also so look up the code mine just meant I was withdrawing from medication therefore why I was so hyped up ? Again google the med code as they need to always but a code for medical reason ! Here look up the code it`s all good ~ http://www.icd10data.com/ICD10CM/Codes/F01-F99/F10-F19/F13-

[[be...]]

Hey CD: Thanks for the link. It just says unspecified. That could mean anything. Is anyone else's DSM DX the same as mine? Did he do me a favor or not? From my point of view, he did not....................

[[my...]]

New Girl - it will get better, it will. Right now your body is doing its last drop since the 1/2 life of the K is just about where you are now and that is why you are feeling so awful. 

 

The initial couple of days off the benzos I had what you had the same old miserable but then I got slammed just when everyone told me I would. So grit your teeth and just do your 4, 7, 8 breathing. As the days and weeks go on you will feel better - the lows won't be as low and the windows will last longer.  This is not to say there a days when you think it is all coming 'back' - I have had those days as well but on the whole it is better than tapering and better than where you are now. You know the mantra - one day at a time. 

 

And BTW a big congratulations and many hugs - you are done - you jumped!!!!

 

Burned so glad you are doing better -a shout out to all my buddies here. 

 

YES!!!  New girl.....wonderful news...I don't blame you for being hesitant to post...we all want to be optimistic and report good news.  But, you know, that's what we are all here for...to support each other no matter what.  You have done an awesome job tapering.  Congratulations!  Huge accomplishment! 

 

And as Bennie wrote --- couldn't have said it better than Kgirl.  Hey Kgirl  :smitten:

 

Mana

[[Ne...]]

All BBuddies...Thank you, thank you, thank you all for your kind words. It's SO great to hear from people who understand! I'm going to keep rereading all of your posts when I am feeling down.

I'm truly hoping the windows open someday soon. For now, I'm taking it a day at a time, sometimes  hour by hour.im a little discouraged right now, but I know I will get through this. We will ALL get there. To those who went before me, and those pulling up the rear, BIG HUGS! Thanks again for the encouragement...Love you all😘

New Girl

CD - love the words in that Terri Clark song😜

[[ca...]]

Hey CD: Thanks for the link. It just says unspecified. That could mean anything. Is anyone else's DSM DX the same as mine? Did he do me a favor or not? From my point of view, he did not....................

Bets, I think the Doc kinda left it open as I heard your moving and I assume your changing Docs and if so maybe He left it unspecified for the next Doc? No idea what my DSM code is only have gotten medical codes from regular Docs and different codes are used  with them and I did look up mine and it`s in a state of anxiety etc. due to legal substance withdrawal as for my DSM code I don`t even want to know ! @ New Girl glad you liked the song and hang in there and be patient you will heal it`s all about time and acceptance ! @ Everyone Else geez today I got the not feeling right in the head and forgetfulness going on kind of freaky but I am sure it`s normal so told my GF if I call Her the wrong name don`t get mad lol ! Hang in there Buddys we all will get thru this ! Huggs ~ CD

[[Be...]]

Bets, I looked it up too. http://www.icd10data.com/ICD10CM/Codes/F01-F99/F10-F19/F13-/F13.239 Like CD said, this diagnosis, I think is OK for you. Doesn't say you abused anything. Unspecified is exactly that, the not needing to clarify the situation further. Your long taper history warrants this diagnosis. It's not saying you have this or that mental illness. In theory, without knowing any flip side of this diagnosis, I'd be OK with it if given to me because it would be the most accurate thing in my chart. I don't know if any of this eases your mind. I suppose you could ask your doc about it before you leave.

 

Bennie 

[[be...]]

I did text my pdoc. He is always brutally honest.

 

This is what he said:

 

"you are the only one who knows the truth. To the outside world you are in a situational reaction (which is fine for disability). I figured you deserved the truth and what you did with it ( including throwing it away??) was your own business." What does that mean?

[[Be...]]

I did text my pdoc. He is always brutally honest.

 

This is what he said:

 

"you are the only one who knows the truth. To the outside world you are in a situational reaction (which is fine for disability). I figured you deserved the truth and what you did with it ( including throwing it away??) was your own business." What does that mean?

 

I am wondering if the the situational reaction he is referring to is being dependent on drugs thus needing to taper, which is the more socially acceptable plight than—? Is he implying that he gave you an earlier diagnosis which you did not agree with (thus, the throwing it away comment)? Sounds like he's saying that whatever the diagnosis, you understand the truth of your situation... I used to have some short cryptic text convos with my Pdoc, some of which I followed up on, and others I chalked up to it being after 9 PM and maybe him having a glass of wine.

[[be...]]

I did text my pdoc. He is always brutally honest.

 

This is what he said:

 

"you are the only one who knows the truth. To the outside world you are in a situational reaction (which is fine for disability). I figured you deserved the truth and what you did with it ( including throwing it away??) was your own business." What does that mean?

 

I am wondering if the the situational reaction he is referring to is being dependent on drugs thus needing to taper, which is the more socially acceptable plight than—? Is he implying that he gave you an earlier diagnosis which you did not agree with (thus, the throwing it away comment)? Sounds like he's saying that whatever the diagnosis, you understand the truth of your situation... I used to have some short cryptic text convos with my Pdoc, some of which I followed up on, and others I chalked up to it being after 9 PM and maybe him having a glass of wine.

 

I texted him back and I think he got angry with me. It is not a nice text and has me upset. Very! He can get very angry and hurtful if he thinks he is being bothered. Once I said Hello, Doc! And he threw me out of his office right then and there. He wanted to be called Dr.  This is what he said:

 

"You grew progressively dependent and progressively tolerant to a very very large dose of Klonopin and you needed every bit of it to stay ahead of withdrawal and if you stopped it, it would have killed you. That meets my definition of an addiction. That's the truth. What you do with the truth (including ignore it) is entirely up to you. I know it and you know it." When some months ago his DX for me is "someone who cannot handle stress for an extended period of time." What the hell will I do now? I took as prescribed!!!!!!! I was just too out of it to understand the correlation between the two. Will this DX follow me everywhere? UGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :tickedoff: :tickedoff:

[Guest [Gi...]]

Congratulations New Girl.I'm so happy for you. You did it.

I hope that all my friends are hanging in there and have a decent day.

As for me, I have made it down to .25 today. I am getting there.The road is getting bumpier again and I'm doing my best everyday to stay busy. God is definitely carrying me through this mess. My anxiety and emotions are high.

Sincerely, Gilster

 

[[ca...]]

Congratulations New Girl.I'm so happy for you. You did it.

I hope that all my friends are hanging in there and have a decent day.

As for me, I have made it down to .25 today. I am getting there.The road is getting bumpier again and I'm doing my best everyday to stay busy. God is definitely carrying me through this mess. My anxiety and emotions are high.

Sincerely, Gilster

Gilster, nice and easy and yes this is a bumpy road  up down all around, so stay strong and yes God is good ! @ Bets , curious if you have a decent Doc lined up for when you move and as for what the Doc you have now said I don`t care how good He is if He has never been thru this then He can not 100% get it and what He said about the truth and taking high doses of benzo`s what did most of us know We just took Doctor`s advice we never bought these off the street ! Everyone Else I send Healing Huggs and will be dealing with a headache from hell today no idea why I woke up with it  ? ~CD

[[NY...]]

Good morning CD, Gilster, and all,

 

CD, hope your headache clears up pronto.  I've had some old symptoms return the last day or so...very frustrating, but so it goes.  Thinking of you and all of my KKlub buds.

 

Try, hope things are settling for you?

 

Burned, good luck with your last few days of tapering! 

 

Love and hugs,

WR

[[ca...]]

Good morning CD, Gilster, and all,

 

CD, hope your headache clears up pronto.  I've had some old symptoms return the last day or so...very frustrating, but so it goes.  Thinking of you and all of my KKlub buds.

 

Try, hope things are settling for you?

 

Burned, good luck with your last few days of tapering! 

 

Love and hugs,

WR

WR, Thanks and yup gotta love waking up with a headache pfttt! TG , Just remember from what almost all have said healing is not Linear so just keep plugging along and keep the faith ! ~Huggs to ya !

[[Be...]]

 

I did text my pdoc. He is always brutally honest.

 

This is what he said:

 

I texted him back and I think he got angry with me. It is not a nice text and has me upset. Very! He can get very angry and hurtful if he thinks he is being bothered. Once I said Hello, Doc! And he threw me out of his office right then and there. He wanted to be called Dr.  This is what he said:

 

"You grew progressively dependent and progressively tolerant to a very very large dose of Klonopin and you needed every bit of it to stay ahead of withdrawal and if you stopped it, it would have killed you. That meets my definition of an addiction. That's the truth. What you do with the truth (including ignore it) is entirely up to you. I know it and you know it." When some months ago his DX for me is "someone who cannot handle stress for an extended period of time." What the hell will I do now? I took as prescribed!!!!!!! I was just too out of it to understand the correlation between the two. Will this DX follow me everywhere? UGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :tickedoff: :tickedoff:

I thought your doctor differentiated between dependency and addiction of benzodiazapines. The current DSM unfortunately does not. The ICD codes fortunately do leave that issue "unspecified". He's brutally forthcoming for sure. You have had a long relationship with him and at some point will be able to disengage. The DX may haunt you but perhaps not impinge on your future. I would look to your new move as promising, Bets. What else is there to do?

 

[[Be...]]

Hi CD, Burned, WR, Gilster, Nomo, Coyote, my manna and All—

Hoping the headaches, choppy waves and crap sxs lft today.

TRY, how are things going?

New girl, Hang tight.

 

Me, it's another day in wonky Hormone Land with hip issues. Perimenopause sucks. What's a gal to do other than what I've been doing? At nine months off, the bulk of the withdrawal symptoms are gone. K has detrimentally effected my health but it's hard to point to the smoking gun, as the definitive research isn't there. Only my PDTR guy understands the pain hypersensitivity in context of my problem back and hips.

 

Life after K has ushered in many changes. I am in an organizational whirlwind at home. For the last few months I've been purging outmoded and unneeded belongings, and there will be a garage sale in October (minus the garage). I have a functioning computer now, and am going digital on 90% of my paperwork by scanning everything necessary and ditching the rest. The recycling bin is brimming. Even my art is being digitized. I am moving out of vagueness and into clarity, and feeling more free.

 

My Pdoc will be the "lucky" recipient of my organization of paper files related to benzos and health research done in the past several years: At my upcoming appointment he will receive a file box with every article I have saved, and an electronic file that points to those articles. The stack is seven inches high. Also, every Benzo recovery book, my scale—which initially I was going to back over with my car, and lastly, a balance sheet with the financial cost of this debacle. I am still calculating, but it's in the high five figures. Someone other than us has to be saddled with the knowing consequences.

 

So that's where I'm at today. My heart is racy for who knows what reason. Onward, I go.

 

Best to all,

Bennie

 

 

 

[[be...]]

 

I did text my pdoc. He is always brutally honest.

 

This is what he said:

 

I texted him back and I think he got angry with me. It is not a nice text and has me upset. Very! He can get very angry and hurtful if he thinks he is being bothered. Once I said Hello, Doc! And he threw me out of his office right then and there. He wanted to be called Dr.  This is what he said:

 

"You grew progressively dependent and progressively tolerant to a very very large dose of Klonopin and you needed every bit of it to stay ahead of withdrawal and if you stopped it, it would have killed you. That meets my definition of an addiction. That's the truth. What you do with the truth (including ignore it) is entirely up to you. I know it and you know it." When some months ago his DX for me is "someone who cannot handle stress for an extended period of time." What the hell will I do now? I took as prescribed!!!!!!! I was just too out of it to understand the correlation between the two. Will this DX follow me everywhere? UGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :tickedoff: :tickedoff:

I thought your doctor differentiated between dependency and addiction of benzodiazapines. The current DSM unfortunately does not. The ICD codes fortunately do leave that issue "unspecified". He's brutally forthcoming for sure. You have had a long relationship with him and at some point will be able to disengage. The DX may haunt you but perhaps not impinge on your future. I would look to your new move as promising, Bets. What else is there to do?

 

 

I don't know. He seems to change his mind a lot. I will not text him or talk to him until I get to Ohio, and at the end bring up the dependency issue. I just think he was super angry at me, as he gets this way, and once things have settled down, maybe he will change his DX. If not there is nothing I can do about it. When he has a bad day, this is how he acts. He takes it out on his patients. I have heard him yell at others on the phone when I was in session with him. I should never have texted him in the first place. Thanks Bennie, my hero!

[[Bu...]]

Morning all,

 

Gilster:  congrats on tapering to .25mg-you are doing a great job!  Hang in there

 

CD:  hope your headache goes away quickly-maybe it's from a weather change?

 

WR:  thank-you!

 

Bennie:  so glad you are feeling more free and good on you for giving your pdoc all those benzo items!  He needs to know-they all do.

 

I reduced my dose to .04ml today, (really nothing left).  Tomorrow will be my last day of clonazepam and I will jump on Friday.  Emotions running the gamut from excited/hopeful to worries/what ifs.  I hope my taper has prepared my body to be able to better cope and recover without the drug-I know it is already working so hard to rebalance. 

 

In solidarity, Burned

[[Tr...]]

Hi All, still trying to get on solid ground.  I think fear has really got a hold of me, which impacts things significantly.  Hopefully, things will smooth out soon. 

 

CD-hope your headache eases up soon.

 

Bennie, WR, Burned, Mana, Maya, thinking of you.  Wishing everyone calm and healing.

 

TRY

 

 

[[Tr...]]

Morning all,

 

Gilster:  congrats on tapering to .25mg-you are doing a great job!  Hang in there

 

CD:  hope your headache goes away quickly-maybe it's from a weather change?

 

WR:  thank-you!

 

Bennie:  so glad you are feeling more free and good on you for giving your pdoc all those benzo items!  He needs to know-they all do.

 

I reduced my dose to .04ml today, (really nothing left).  Tomorrow will be my last day of clonazepam and I will jump on Friday.  Emotions running the gamut from excited/hopeful to worries/what ifs.  I hope my taper has prepared my body to be able to better cope and recover without the drug-I know it is already working so hard to rebalance. 

 

In solidarity, Burned

 

Burned, I'm so so happy for you!!

 

TRY

[[Bu...]]

Thank-you Try.  Hang in there-you will do this.  I just reread Ever's success story and she talked about dealing with and overcoming fear.  It helped me a lot.  Lots of hugs 

 

Betsy:  hope your move goes well and you can get things straightened out with your doctors.