The Klonopin Klub#2

[[Tr...]]

CD, Bennie, Burned, I only took the 1 mg pill at the hospital, I gave the nurse a hard time saying that dose was too much and I was tapering.  She wouldn't get the .50mg she said I was too distraught.  The hospital gave me a script for a 10 day supply of .50mg pills.  Yesterday, I weighed and cut my pills to slightly higher than my .08mg dose.  I went up to .10mg. I hate to think I wasted all this time tapering for nothing.  I will call my Pdoc on Monday.  I went for a ten minute walk this morning.  Been feeling drugged and spacey.  Was hoping walking would help burn it off.  My body is definitely working hard to keep up with all these changes.  I believe it will smooth out eventually.  This definitely explains why my taper has been so problematic.  I was so close to being done, such a disappointment.

 

Thank you for your support, and encouragement.  It's so good to hear reassurance from people that understand. 

 

All My Love,

TRY

[[2t...]]

Afternoon friends,

I can't believe how different we can feel from day to day or hour to hour. Yesterday I felt pretty good with some underlying anxiety which is the case on most days.Today, I am slammed and riddled with anxiety and crying spells. My emotions are all over the board. This is so unpredictable.

Try, I hope that you are doing a little better.

Sincerely, Gilster

 

That really is the truth, I am getting fed up of having to say I will let you know in the morning when I am asked if I want to do something.

[[Be...]]

Afternoon friends,

I can't believe how different we can feel from day to day or hour to hour. Yesterday I felt pretty good with some underlying anxiety which is the case on most days.Today, I am slammed and riddled with anxiety and crying spells. My emotions are all over the board. This is so unpredictable.

Try, I hope that you are doing a little better.

Sincerely, Gilster

 

That really is the truth, I am getting fed up of having to say I will let you know in the morning when I am asked if I want to do something.

 

Gilster, Sorry that today is not one of the good ones...

 

Even now, off of K, most activities are tentative. I feel sickly and tired, shaky, and pained in the groin and hip. Teasing apart the origins of the symptom seems warranted at this point in recovery. I am waking up buzzing, and my dreams are pretty anxiety filled: repetitively trying to figure something out but no one is understanding my dilemma. Dreams mimic life themes, so no surprising interpretation here, folks.

[[ca...]]

Try

 

So sorry you had to go through this horrible experience. I hope things are setteling now. You will figure this out soon and definitly this too shall pass!

Thinking of you and sending you much love

Carem

[[Tr...]]

Try

 

So sorry you had to go through this horrible experience. I hope things are setteling now. You will figure this out soon and definitly this too shall pass!

Thinking of you and sending you much love

Carem

 

Carem!! Hi, thank you so much

 

Hope you are doing well. 

 

Thank you for the love, back at you!!

 

Big Big Hug,

TRY

 

 

[[Tr...]]

Hi All,  I'm working hard to get things back on track.  I need to get over this mental road block that has manifested from this incident.  I can't allow doubt to get to me. 

 

The love and support here has helped me in ways I can't put into words.  It is humbling to think that you would ever find yourself in a situation that totally consumes you mentally and physically.  And, that people in their own struggle would take a moment to offer a kind word, a verbal helping hand.  I'm forever greatful to you ALL.....This too shall pass!  Love and Healing.

 

TRY

[[Be...]]

TRY, you will figure this out and continue. I cant imagine you would ever feel again as you did in ER. You are a fire walker!

 

 

 

Bennie

[[Tr...]]

TRY, you will figure this out and continue. I cant imagine you would ever feel again as you did in ER. You are a fire walker!

 

 

 

Bennie

 

Bennie, thank you.  I was shaken by this, need to regroup and get moving in the right direction.  Thank you for always being that light in the storm.  You are an amazing person Bennie!

 

TRY

[[my...]]

Try! You ARE STILL close to being done! .10 mg vs .08 mg?? Nothing to worry about...you will stabilize and be back tapering - and jumping - before you know it.

Good idea to "walk it off".... go easy...take it in baby steps...you've been through a lot.

 

Hey Bennie    Sometimes it's just life, you know?  One of my most recent "fears" - and I put that in quotes because it's just another thing to fret about, not a real fear.... - is that jumping will be anti-climatic....no drum rolls, no balloons - just life with all its ordinary problems and challenges. 

But then I have to remember the incredible pain of withdrawal and the unending nature of my two year taper and realize that completing it should be - will - be accomplishment enough.

 

Mana

[[Be...]]

TRY, you will figure this out and continue. I cant imagine you would ever feel again as you did in ER. You are a fire walker!

 

 

 

Bennie

 

Bennie, thank you.  I was shaken by this, need to regroup and get moving in the right direction.  Thank you for always being that light in the storm.  You are an amazing person Bennie!

 

TRY

 

Try, FWIW, even before taper (I think it was before, not during) I recall being in ER and yelling something to the effect of, "I need my medicine NOW!" because I was late for my dose of Xanax, or Klonopin, I cant remember which anymore. The doctor would only Rx Ativan, and I didnt want that, and I couldn't find the person who had release papers, so I left. I was in there for 'heart' issues. One of many visits late in the night or in the wee hours of the morning, either driving myself or arriving by cab. The indignity of it all, in so many ways, is remembered only as a hologram, a hazy recollection. Believe me when I say that better days will erode the memory. Keep on keeping on.

 

Bennie

[[Kg...]]

Try so sorry to read about the massive screw up with your meds.  But at least I am glad you finally have an explanation of why you have been feeling so awful. It is of course these awful drugs or the lack thereof.  It is unbelievable what you have had to live through but now you know and you will just do what you have to do and you will soon be done with this nightmare.

 

I have tried to catch up with everyone by reading pages of posts - in various forums. I see Bets is moving to Ohio - wow that is terrific news.

 

So many people are close to the end or going down on doses and others are just starting this journey.

 

What I will say is that now that I am 2 months off I am much better than I was 6 months ago.  I did an update a couple of days ago on the benzo free board.  I still get s/x don't get me wrong but I feel better than I did at the end of my taper and when I look back and read my progress log I realize that I feel a heck of  lot better than I did during my long taper. I think NYC posted what life after benzos is like for her and I second everything she said.  So with that being said I want everyone to know that healing does happen one day at a time. 

[[my...]]

 

What I will say is that now that I am 2 months off I am much better than I was 6 months ago.  I did an update a couple of days ago on the benzo free board.  I still get s/x don't get me wrong but I feel better than I did at the end of my taper and when I look back and read my progress log I realize that I feel a heck of  lot better than I did during my long taper. I think NYC posted what life after benzos is like for her and I second everything she said.  So with that being said I want everyone to know that healing does happen one day at a time.

 

Great to hear from you, Kgirl!!  Really good to know you are doing well...and better and better as the days go by.  It's heartening and super encouraging for the rest of us.  Thank you for stopping by 

 

Mana  :smitten:

[Guest [Gi...]]

Thank you K Girl for stopping by.I'm glad to hear that Bets is moving to Ohio. Just a reminder for new people that we pray/meditate/ think good thoughts for everyone here.Try, I'm glad that you are backon track. I feel much better now that it is evening. Hopefully, tomorrow will be uneventful.

Good night to all you warriors,Gilster

[[my...]]

 

I do "get' the 'glad it's evening' thing, Gilster....I know in this specific instance you were not feeling great during the day today -- but for me, once evening comes I think....'I've made it through another day'.  Today wasn't bad by any means...just the whole endless process, you know??  I'm surprised, actually...b/c usually Day 5 of my cut is the worst....but nothing is 'usual' about this taper business. 

 

Wishing ALL a peaceful evening...healing thoughts and hugs all 'round. 

[Guest [Gi...]]

Hi Buddies,

I completely agree.I get the "I made it through another day". I dread the mornings. Anxiety is through the roof some days. Today, I have to deal with filing taxes paperwork because we filed an extension in April because my mom had just passed. I'm having more anxiety dealing with this stuff.I'm not sure if it all has to be done by Sept 15th or Oct. 15th.

Sincerely,

Gilster

[[Co...]]

Good Morning everyone,

 

I think the heat wave from Hell has subsided.

 

TRY - I hope you are feeling better.  I'm so sorry you are experiencing more agony.  You are in my thoughts.

 

I'm in the middle of packing for my move Saturday.  I guess it's normal to feel more weird than usual.  Needless to say, my sleep is not good.

 

Thinking of everyone.

 

:smitten:

 

[[Tr...]]

Good Morning everyone,

 

I think the heat wave from Hell has subsided.

 

TRY - I hope you are feeling better.  I'm so sorry you are experiencing more agony.  You are in my thoughts.

 

I'm in the middle of packing for my move Saturday.  I guess it's normal to feel more weird than usual.  Needless to say, my sleep is not good.

 

Thinking of everyone.

 

:smitten:

 

Coyote, thank you my friend.  I'm trying to get going in the right direction.

 

Good luck with your move, I know it will go well.  Enjoy your new home.

 

Big Hugs,

TRY

[[Bu...]]

Morning all,

 

Just a quick post to say hi and hope everyone is doing ok/better today 

 

Kgirl:  thanks for posting about how much better you are now and that healing is happening-need that so much right now!

 

Gilster:  good luck with the tax paperwork and yes, mornings are the worst!

 

Coyote:  Hoping your move goes well on Saturday!

 

Try:  thinking of you and sending hugs 

 

Been hit with bad light-headedness/dizziness/out of breath/jelly legs/cog-fogs sxs the last couple of days...ugh   Think the lack of K and allergies are driving it.  Had to cancel an appointment cause I can't drive right now.  Sigh.  Hanging in there.

 

Take care everyone 

[[Tr...]]

Hi All, not going to post long.  I'm floaty, lot's of head stuff going on.  Given the circumstances it's to be expected.  I had a first where my nose burned, like when you get water in it.  Yuck.  I'm still trying to resolve matters.  Don't feel my slight updose isn't really doing much.  Have to wait it out and see.

 

The love and support you ALL have given me, has given me strength to stay in this battle.  I thank you so much for your compassion.

 

I hope everyone has a great day.

 

Hugs,

TRY

[[Be...]]

Morning all,

 

Just a quick post to say hi and hope everyone is doing ok/better today 

 

Kgirl:  thanks for posting about how much better you are now and that healing is happening-need that so much right now!

 

Gilster:  good luck with the tax paperwork and yes, mornings are the worst!

 

Coyote:  Hoping your move goes well on Saturday!

 

Try:  thinking of you and sending hugs 

 

Been hit with bad light-headedness/dizziness/out of breath/jelly legs/cog-fogs sxs the last couple of days...ugh   Think the lack of K and allergies are driving it.  Had to cancel an appointment cause I can't drive right now.  Sigh.  Hanging in there.

 

Take care everyone 

 

Burned: Driving privileges taken away by K. Boooo! And jelly legs—ugh/ Thankfuly, that rights itself pretty quick. Rest well/ Hang tight.

 

Try: I'm thinking you'll find some stability in a short bit. Your'e resilient.

 

Bennie

[[Bu...]]

Thanks Bennie-a bit better tonight.  Hope you had a good day 

 

Hugs to all 

[[Ne...]]

Hi All,

Last Thursday I finally decided to jump off the last little bit of powder. I was away for the week at the beach with my family. I wasn't feeling well anyway, so I thought what the heck, I can't feel any worse, right? Well, the last two days of vacation were the same old same old fatigue, anxiety. Since I've gotten home, it's been miserable. I am suffering complete exhaustion, horrible anxiety, shortness of breath, crying spells, the list goes on and on. Please tell me that it's going to get better😢

I didn't even want to post because I was hoping that I'd wait until I could tell the world how great it feels to be off K. Of course I realize that the healing is nonlinear, and that everyone heals differently, but I'm hoping for some encouragement to keep me going. Thanks you guys for all the encouragement along this bumpy road. No one on the outside can really understand like you all. Now that I'm "off" people expect you to "finally" stop complaining and get on with life. I'm really,hoping and praying that it happens. Thanks for hearing me out on this. Of course I'm sticking around for the long haul. Hugs to everyone here. I'm keeping you all in my thoughts.

New Girl

[[Kg...]]

New Girl - it will get better, it will. Right now your body is doing its last drop since the 1/2 life of the K is just about where you are now and that is why you are feeling so awful. 

 

The initial couple of days off the benzos I had what you had the same old miserable but then I got slammed just when everyone told me I would. So grit your teeth and just do your 4, 7, 8 breathing. As the days and weeks go on you will feel better - the lows won't be as low and the windows will last longer.  This is not to say there a days when you think it is all coming 'back' - I have had those days as well but on the whole it is better than tapering and better than where you are now. You know the mantra - one day at a time. 

 

And BTW a big congratulations and many hugs - you are done - you jumped!!!!

 

Burned so glad you are doing better -a shout out to all my buddies here. 

[[NY...]]

Congratulations New Girl! 

 

Yep, I also got hit a few days (week?) out, but it pretty quickly got better.  I was surprised that it happened, b/c had been feeling quite well near the end and the first few days off.

 

I also relate to the feeling of pressure to "feel better now".  I think it was Bennie who described getting back into the flow of life as a "reverse taper", which made so much sense.  One of my pressing symptoms was also fatigue, but it lifted pretty quickly after I jumped, which made getting back into the swing of life a bit easier.

 

It's all going to get better from here on out, so hang tight. 

 

Big hug,

WR

 

(Hi Kgirl  :smitten:)

 

[[Bu...]]

Congratulations New girl on your taper and jump off benzos!!!   Well done!  Keep hanging in there as you continue to recover