Post Benzo Freedom Withdrawal Support Group

[[Re...]]

That numbness and tingling sensation always seems to favor the left side of my body.  I had this throughout my entire taper, and for some time post benzo.  These days when it rears it's ugly head, it'll last for about an hour or two then subside.  It generally starts from my face to the baby toe on my left foot.  One does become impatient, but time is the solution.

[[le...]]

Hello to all my tingling, burning, buzzing, aching, anxious, sleepless friends 

 

What a strange "club" we belong to!  I am thankful for you all. 

 

I am burning big time today.  Have any of you found ANYTHING (besides epsom salts) that works for this?  I am going out for a walk (more like a "hobble") to see if that will help.  If I did not have you all, that are feeling the same sensations as I am, to help "talk me through" these times, I don't know what I would do.  I REALLY REALLY need to feel like there will be an end.  I appreciate so much the ones of you who have seen that ending and who come to tell us it will come.

 

~Leena

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hey leena,

I hope you feel better after your walk.  I am trying to work myself up to walk the dog myself.

I know you live in the hill country and I assume it is a beautiful day there, as it is here in north texas.

Just a little windy, but gorgeous.  I did some more yard work last nite and today.... because it's that time of year...

and I'm having to pay for it a bit now.

I had really bad anxiety this morning for no apparent reason.  I noticed it let up at 1:30pm, and I'm having a window

right now as I post this.  God, it feels good to feel "normal", if only briefly.

I am sending out good wishes to you and all our BB family.  I hope all your aches and pains will soon only be a bad memory.

-David

[[gi...]]

Hi Leena

 

I had burning bones for a long time. Now I just have burning back, which is an improvement. When I'm doing something physical it's exhausting but I don't feel the burning; but when I stop, hoo boy, does it flare up. It makes me dread doing anything physical (but I do stuff anyway).  I also used to feel "sparks" shooting across my back and down my arms but then it started only happening when I get really stressed out. Then it went away... now it's back when I get really stressed.

 

This whole thing is pretty trippy, ain't it?!

 

Hang in there!

 

ginger

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Trippy is right!  That's how I feel at the moment.  Sort of a little disorientated - like my head is in its own little space.  A very weird feeling.  Have even stopped driving at present because of this feeling - not nice when you're driving down the motorway and your head is out in space somewhere!

 

David - I can relate to having to work yourself up to going for a walk.  Wouldn't it be great to just get up an do it without the anxiety?  At present walking around my neighbourhood with a dizzy head is not pleasant - back to taking my phone with me when I'm out walking.  Oh the insecurity!!!!!

 

No doubt this one too will pass - it's a new one for me.  Just add it to the list!!!!

 

My PBFWSG buddies - we are gonna get through this and then there'll be no more tripping.

[[le...]]

LB, Ginger, and David...thanks for stopping by to encourage!  Well, I headed out on my walk...got about a block away and just sort of got scared of how my legs were feeling, and turned around and came back   Then decided maybe I would go in the back yard and do something easy, like rake leaves...which turned into pulling weeds...which turned into cutting back wild iris...which turned into DIGGING UP wild iris.  I do not know when to quit   So David, I am sure I will be paying, too, for the "fun" I had in the yard today.

 

It is really hard to admit to physical limitations.  This is a HUGE struggle for me.  While I was still tapering, at least I could (on occasion) still go out and walk for 6 miles!  Today I only made it 5 minutes :'(  I am feeling so "flabby" and my muscles seem to just be wasting away.  I can see that it is really going to take discipline for me to SLOWLY work out of this and not get despairing.

 

David, I AM in the Hill Country...in the south part of Austin.  The Ladybird Johnson Wildflower Center (pretty much in my neighborhood) is predicting the BEST wildflower season this spring because of all the rain.  I am sure you will get the flowers, too...just a little bit later.  This is certainly something for us to look forward to!  My 80 year old dad is going to be getting married here in Austin in an outdoor chapel...and I am hoping the wildflowers will be all the decoration we need!

 

OK...thanks you guys!  (Hmm, I just realized I am not burning right now.  Maybe hard labor DOES help!)

 

~Leena

 

 

[[gi...]]

Hi Leena,

 

I know how you feel about your muscles. I lost all my muscle mass during w/d. I've worked out 5-6 days/week for 25 years.  During my w/d and even the following 3 months of hell I managed to work out at least 4 days/week for the most part. I know look like I've been in a coma for 10 years; my body is totally wasted. I gained all my weight back "responsibly" under a nutritionist's direction and didn't gain any mass back, only fat. At the beginning of my w/d, I curled 20 lbs; now I curl 10 and my muscles sting. I used to ride a bike 45 minutes on level 6. Now I struggle to stay on for 20 minutes at level 3. 

 

I'm doing my best to accept this, and I keep working out, but I've seen no change since I improved my diet and changed my routine to strictly mass-building. I have to have knee surgery that's going to keep me from working out for 2 months and I'm scared at what's going to happen to the rest of my body in the duration!

 

It's just horrible what these drugs to us.

 

I'm sorry you didn't succeed in your walk but good for you for getting all that garden work done! That's what got me through last year, gardening. I couldn't do everything I normally do but I always felt better even if all I could do was plant a pot.

 

Keep pushing!

 

ginger

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Sorry about your spoiled walk Leena.  Mine was spoiled yesterday also.  Have this brain fog and odd feeling going on in my head - not dizzy, not lightheaded, just weird and super sensitive eyes.  It's probably just my self diagnosed brain tumour back again!!!!!! :D Got into a panic half way around the block so only managed 20mins.  May try again today - I will not be defeated.

 

Well done for doing the yard work - even that's a challenge for me at present.

[[le...]]

Oh Ginger!  My heart sank when I saw that you will have to have knee surgery.  When does this take place?  Will you have to stay in the hospital or will it be the kind they do in day surgery? Oh my...I will be praying for you!  I guess my heart sank because I know how I would react right now if I were told I had to have surgery.  I think you are very brave...and I think you are doing so well to continue working out.  It is bound to be doing good things, even if it doesn't seem like it.  I keep telling my husband about all the amazing people that I meet on this website.  I almost feel like you all are becoming a bit like family.

 

To see that you have lost something (temporarily) that has meant a lot to you (your fitness) and then to see that you are fighting hard to get it back...well, it means something when you tell me to "keep pushing".  I will.

 

LB...gosh, how can we help self-diagnosing when we have the symptoms of every disease under the sun?  For me today, it has been that I am one of the rare cases that has shingles all the time but with no lesions.  And usually it is that I have some never-before-heard-of autoimmune disease...and of course I can't be diagnosed because I am the first one to have it!!!!   You know, I went through months of super sensitive eyes, but it was before I started tapering.  I feel pretty convinced it had to do with the klonopin.  The super sensitivity is gone, but I did get floaters for the first time this past summer and I wonder if that is klonopin related? 

 

Well, daylight savings time is upon us...and we all get to add one more hour of lost sleep to all the others we will lose tonight!  I am going to go and get a head start on it

 

Love to you all,

Leena

 

 

[[ve...]]

Hey Leena, LB, David and the rest of you benzo free buddies .  Don't know why but yesterday (ten weeks after I got Shingles) pulsing sensations and itching reappeared for brief periods during the day.  I felt a bump on my forehead and briefly freaked out that the lesions might return again, Leena.  Could have gone into a panic but I just told myself that it was not a recurrence, the nerve must be sensitive still.  Yea, hopefully not postherpetic neuralgia.  It would have to be a lot more painful I think, this was mild itching and pulsing.   Part of me wonders if it isn't  somehow benzo related, oversensitive CNS trying to recover, stress hormones still out of whack... but gotta live with uncertainty sometimes.  Self diagnosing the worst case scenario might perpetuate that anxiety loop that seemingly wants to get the better of us.  Was also a little cog foggy yesterday at a big meeting for my boy's karate group.  Can relate LB.  Maybe something gets triggered in large groups.  Watch that self diagnosed tumor LB Today is a little better regarding the Shingles sensitivity, it's day by day.  Anxiety is actually lower today than its probably been in the past week.  Went to bed early last night (about 10PM, usually up til midnight on a Saturday night).  Rest is so important in these initial months off benzos, if one can manage it. Glad you managed a "normal" moment yesterday David.  That's hopefully a good sign of better things to come.

 

Happy Mother's Day to all you mums in the UK!

 

Vertigo (no more)

[[gi...]]

Hi Leena,

 

Thanks for the compliment; I'm pretty ripped up about the surgery. There's only so much one person can take, you know?! Since this thread is for PWS sufferers, though, I'll stick to protocol and won't talk about it here. It's scheduled right now for the 24th but that depends on what I have done. All the details are in my blog.

 

Here's to better days everyone -

 

g

[[...]]

It's all part of dealing with the post benzo period Ginger, so wouldn't be too concerned about posting about your surgery on this thread.  I'm sorry you have to go through surgery - life goes on post benzos and I guess we will all have to face things we really don't want to.  Just unfortunate timing I guess.  Try and keep the thought patterns positive, and keep sharing your concerns.  Better out than held in.

 

Yesterday my brain tumour seemed to have gone again and I managed a 40 minute walk but today my head is back in cuckoo land so I guess it's back!!   Oh the erratic nature of this process!!!!   If it weren't for this head thing I'd be feeling almost normal - my patience is wearing thin.

This overactive cns really does a number on our sub-conscious doesn't it.  I was a worry wart before benzos, now my cns is in overdrive most of the time it's all totally out of whack.

 

Better days indeed - to the future.

[[Ma...]]

Hi,

 

I'd hoped I'd feel better today (I always try to hope that), but today's turned into another depression/anxiety fest. Oh, God, I hope this will end someday. Maybe I'd better go back to the psychiatrist. Practically the ONLY a/d I haven't tried yet is an MAO inhibitor. There's a patch you wear that allows you to eat anything (normally you can't eat certain foods with this med). I think I'd have to do that. But, you know, I've tried 7 or 8 different a/ds without success. Prozac once worked, but then it stopped working. Now, it makes me nervous if I take it. So I don't have a lot of faith in meds right now. I take a tiny amount of Seroquel for sleep (15mgs - avg. dose for others is 300 mgs a day), but that's it. I normally take it at night, but I took some this afternoon just to try to calm down.

 

Everything is bumming me out right now. I tried to watch an AE program on Venice. I love Venice. I went there once when I was 21. But watching it is just making me so sad. Will I ever enjoy travel again? Will I ever see Italy with my son? My life feels like it's over. I'm not saying that as some sort of suicidal thinking thing, I just feel so sad about everything. And while it feels so strong, It also feels fake or unreal. Like it's too melancholy for even me to believe (even though I'm so fully immersed in the feelings). It's such a "Bad trip."

 

Anyhow, this is just that "extreme Matteo guy." Thanks for letting me blurt out more of my stuff. Somehow doing that makes me feel better. Thanks, as always, for bearing with me.

 

Matteo 

[[ho...]]

Hi all...

 

just a bit of a question...if anyone else here relates?

 

im 23 days benzo free now... almost a month , yeah...anyways... im finding at night time when i lay in bed to go to sleep i feel the inner vibrations/tremors.....they settle a bit then i can sleep...its soo weird?? the cns?

post acute w/d?? then if i wake to go the bathroom, when i return to lay down and go to sleep, i feel it again, its like my central nervous system is freightened, lol almost.. or wakes up!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! that make sense.. and takes a bit to settle down again, then i can fall asleep.........during the day its fine.......WTH? so strange..

 

ANYONE ELSE CAN RELATE.. BENZO FREE............ IF SO, how long did it last............other than that im fine, just the fatigue.........going on..................

 

hope

[[af...]]

Hi Hope,

 

I certainly had this inner vibration/buzzing. The first time i got it was during my tolerance w/d ordeal 6 months before becoming benzo free. And just like u i got it when i layed down to sleep, or when i woke up i the night, then went back to bed. It came back a few times, but at the time i did not understand what was going on, and kind of internalized it and went on with life. Pure denial.

A couple of weeks after stopping Klon, this bizzare buzzing came back with a vengeance, but by then i had educated myself about it, and kind of accepted it. I am 4+ months off benzos now, and this symptom appears to have subsided. The last time i had it was about a month ago.

Hope this piece of info helps. 

 

Kev

[[pa...]]

Dear Hope,

I read your reply about inner trembling. I too have notice this from time to time when I'm falling asleep. Mine is very mild, though and it usually doesn't keep me awake. My sleep isn't always reliable though. Although we've just had a time change, I woke up this morning much earlier than I wanted to. Such is life...

I have been Benzo free for a month. Right now, my biggest issues are losing my temper and stress issues. I seem to be very vocal right now and when my kids misbehave, I tend to yell at them more often. I feel like such a bad parent sometimes. I always appologize after things have blown over. I still get nerve tingling and muscle soreness. These seem to be fading. Still getting hand tremors.

Well, thats all for now. Hope everyone else is doing well.

pangelingua

[[...]]

Hello All Post Taper BB's....

 

How is everyone today??

 

I had 4 days of lessened symptoms and managed to go out and about with my kids over the weekend and to dinner etc, but as expected the benzo monster has reared its ugly head again today and I am struggling with fear/anxiety/palpitations/bit of nausea thrown in for good measure... :crazy:

 

I sit patiently and await my next brief window.... :(

 

I am hoping my Post Taper BB's had an okay weekend and that your symptoms are not running you ragged....

 

This is such a great thread, it really really helps me to see that what I am feeling at this point in my recovery is normal, well you know what I mean...

 

And, Pange - I too am very short-tempered with my 2 children right now, but you know I look around and I see lots of parents not in benzo withdrawal that are snappy with their kids too, my mantra for my kids right now is this:-

 

'Good enough is good enough'....I am doing my best in a bad situation....

 

Speak soon.

 

Mxxx

[[...]]

Hey everyone in post withdrawal land,

I needed to stop by and vent a bit, and then ask for your support. 

My mother-in-law has been to the ER twice now in the last 2 weeks.

Her health is failing and there is no one to care for her except my wife and I.  Her son lives pretty far away

and they didn't get along anyway.

My wife is about to have a breakdown from the stress, and so that if affecting my ability to cope with my

own problems.  Betweens hospitals and Medicare, the stress has been building.  I have been hoping that over the last

two weeks she would improve, and let us get past this, but it seems she is getting worse, with dementia and all now.

She is currently in the ICU.

 

If it would ease up, I might be able to continue to recover, but I am so concerned about my wife, that it is hindering me

from thinking positively.

It seems I had some really poor timing on the quitting benzos thing. 

And...I have been wondering what I have done to offend God so greatly.

 

She has been getting semi-hysterical about her mother, and when she does, I can feel my tension building. 

It takes about an hour for me to calm down.  With no benzos in my system, I am easily susceptible to the

effects of stress.

It's a similar feeling to whenever we start worrying about our symptoms, and the adrenaline begins building up. 

I'm sure you have all had this feeling at one time or another.

 

Please pray for me, as I sure need some support right now. 

My good wishes and thoughts go out to all those struggling with similar problems today.

Thank you,

-David

[[...]]

Hi David, I am so sorry to hear that you have the additional stress right now, the timing sucks, no doubt about it...but you are doing so very very well you know to manage your wife's feelings and your own withut any benzo there....congratulate yourself for getting through each day....outside stressors are a million times worse during this recovery process, but I see a resolve in your posts to keep marching forward, you will get your life back and in time you will be able to react to problems normally, we all will get there....

 

Keep posting to vent, that's what this thread is for so we can support each other when the ride gets a little bumpy....

 

Praying for you and all of us for better days ahead.

 

Mxxxx

[[pa...]]

Hi David

Sorry to hear about your family situation. I know what you are going through. I had just come off an A/D and was about to withdraw from my Benzo when my father died. That's when my Benzo situation started escalating. Sometimes I feel that had he not passed away and left me with legal/personal messes that I probably would not have become addicted in the first place. Also, in regards to feeling as though you've offended God in some way, I too have had to struggle with this feeling. Whenever this feeling haunts me, I remember the story of the man born blind. When Jesus was asked: "Who sinned that this man was born blind, his mother or his father?", Jesus replied: "Neither his mother or father sinned, rather, he was born blind so that the works of God may be made manifest in him". I take great comfort in this passage because it really helps put things more in perspective.

Take care. I will pray for your family situation this week.

pangelingua

[[...]]

My BB friends,

Thanks so much for your hopeful thoughts. 

And thank you for sharing your similar problems that you have dealt with. 

It is encouraging to know that kind people so close.

-David

 

 

[[Sa...]]

Hi to all PBFWG peeps!

                              I have been following this thread and getting closer to realizing the finished task at hand! Sorry to hear all the on-going s/x's, and other issues that come with the darn benzos, but love to read your courageous fighting spirits! I am delighted to see the same faithful names on this thread, you all give so much to others in need-God willing HE hears you and shows you the way. Love what Pange had for a parable for David- I needed to hear that as we all do to stop our benzo false statement to ourselves. Thank you all for your onward march and taking the time to help us in need. Blessings to all BB! You are all in my thoughts and prayers.  Sama.

[[ho...]]

Hi Pangenlingua and all other BB members

 

thanks for the reply pangenlingua.. that u can too relate w the inner trembling/vibrations..   were both at almost the same stage of recovery.. im at 3 and half weeks, month this friday.. and you say your at a month!!! congrats!!!! yeah

 

Ive had great sleep last 3 days... and boy does is it sure helping with what i can accomplish do in that particular day.. i was actually able to clean out my fridge and pantries this weekend.... long overdue... in my taper i was pretty much couch bound! was horrible and could barely do anything... doing the dishes, laundry was a huge deal! so baby steps , feels good.....

 

David... wow...sorry bout all the stuff going on right now for you! thats gota be challenging for sure...I can relate too, in my taper too.. had a lot of family, and life stresses going on....Just try to stay as focused, calm as you can be..i know its super tough! One thing, moment at a time.. I hope you are getn enough rest, w all this going on...For all us, with life challenges, everything eventually all falls in to place , and works out!

 

Hang in there

[[...]]

Post benzo friends,

 

I just wanted to focus on the positive for a minute, and list the problems I'm not having today.

 

-Muscle spasms haven't begun yet. (they seem to know to wait until bedtime to be the most irritating).

-No bad headaches yet.

-No tingling under my left shoulder blade yet.

-No numbing pain in my right neck area yet.

-My "rubber legs" and general fatigue is less today than yesterday.

 

Best wishes on a good afternoon to everyone! 

-David

[[cu...]]

Well, it's been 72 hours since my last dose of Ativan and I've had no more symptoms, other than nervousness from being afraid I will have withdraw symptoms. I was wondering, if I was going to have any withdraws from jumping off, would they have already started showing up by now? When I CT it was about 30 hours when I started getting withdraws.