Post Benzo Freedom Withdrawal Support Group

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Deepest sympathy to you David. 

Somehow we seem to be able to get through the really tough times, our inner strength really comes to the fore.  Yours will truly be tested over the next few days but I know you can get through this without going back to the benzos.  Take it day by day, hour by hour if necessary and allow yourself some time out.  Thinking of you and your family.

 

 

[[ve...]]

So sorry to hear of the passing of your MIL. Condolences to you and your wife David.  I'm sure its not what you needed or expected now to plan a funeral and be around many people calling on you for support.  Do what you can for your wife and family but we're not superhuman, that much we know from the benzo journey, give yourself some breaks and time to regenerate and be kind to yourself, not just to others now.

 

 

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Thank you all so much for taking the time to respond.

I am muddling thru, but I probably seem crazy to everyone around me.

I try to semi-explain without going into details, and they give you that weird look

which means they don't understand.

 

Your support is so appreciated.

What would have seemed do-able, prior to benzo use, now seems virtually impossible.

I was just hoping to glide thru a couple of months off benzos, praying for no really bad stress events, and

now this.

David

[[Re...]]

Hey David,

 

 

    My heartfelt prayers go out to you and your loved ones.  Hold on...you are going to make it through this.

[[pa...]]

David

My deepest sympathies go out to you and your family. I know this is a tough time for you. My father died when I had just quit my A/D and I was about to tackle the Benzo next. After his death, I upped the dose and 11 months later is when the problems REALLY came! How I wish I could go back in time and not have taken more of the Benzo.

Just remember to be kind to yourself. This situation seems tough, but it truly shall pass...

I will check back with you later in the week to see how you are doing.

pangelingua

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Thank you all again for your kind thoughts and good wishes.

I hope everyone is coping well tonite with their own problems, and that tomorrow is

a brighter day.

Goodnite my friends.

-David

[[le...]]

Hello David,

 

I am so sorry about the death of your mother-in-law.  I just now came to check out the news on this thread (sometimes I don't get notified of activity)...and my heart goes out to you and to your wife.

 

I know that it may seem that what you are facing is absolutely insurmountable.  It is at times like this, when life just seems impossible, that I think God is beckoning us to come to Him for strength.  We were not meant to do life on our on...or to figure everything out for ourselves. 

 

Your buddies are all here for you and I am so glad that you know that you can come and just be absolutely yourself here.  Please know that I will be praying for you and for God to give you the strength you need to make it through this heavy trial.

 

~Leena

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In my humble opinion, you are a good man, David.  It comes through in your posts.  I hope you can be very kind and gentle with yourself.  You deserve it as much as others.

 

Rumi

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David,

I am very sorry to hear of your mother in laws death. I can imagine the stress you must be feeling. If i was you I would be wondering why me Lord. I believe we can't really comprehend the plan of our lives, so understanding why  we are given what we are given seems impossible. I hope you will find ways to be kind to yourself during this difficult time, and try not to be too self critical for the impulse to reinstate. Though it may seem dark right now, things will get better.

Bill

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bill,

I don't want to become the kind of person who says, "Why me?".

I need to learn how to be tougher, and I hope that we all can help each other to do so.

 

Today is my 4th week post benzo.

-David

[[Ma...]]

David,

 

My heart goes out to you at this time. I hear your fear, but I also hear some amazing power coming through your shares. Perhaps you can't see it now, but I believe you are VERY strong. Just look at the way you were able to come to my aid in the midst of all your own suffering.

 

You are in my thoughts and prayers, David.

 

You'll be okay.

 

Matteo 

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IMO you are pretty tough. Anyone who goes through the benzo nightmare and succeeds must be tough.  Don't be too hard on yourself, you will get through this time - without the aid of benzos, I'm sure.  We all have our moments of apparent weakness when stressful times hit us - but doesn't everyone.    I know from your posts that you're learning how to deal with it without the aid of drugs.  Well done you.

 

 

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Hi David & All 

 

Just wanted to let you know that I am thinking and praying for you and your family David. And also to give you some words of hope and encouragement for your future post benzo, for the past 2 days I have had virtually no symptoms worth mentioning and I also had 3-4 days like this the week before so the pattern is getting better. Am nearly 4 months free now so keep firm in your mind and heart David that better times are ahead for you.

 

Mxxxx

[[cu...]]

Tonight makes one week benzo free! I have some issues, though. Maybe it's me, all in my head, ya know...my fears of handling my anxiety/panic without anything except some hydroxyzine 10mg as needed (maybe I'm not taking enough???)

 

Starting about, ohhh 2-3 days after finally jumping off, I started feeling weird like I couldn't wake up completely. I have since started waking up earlier in the morning, I think I've been getting too much sleep so I'm trying to regulate that..and I'm still kind of in the postpartum period so I have that going for me 

 

Anyway, I had a bad day yesterday, really anxious in the store and that weird feeling like something isn't right with me kept freaking me out.  Today was much better though, done some yardwork and got some rays, had some people over for a cookout and got my mind off of things.

 

What's a protracted withdrawal?? And could this be what I'm going through? Did anyone else feel not quite right a week after jumping off Ativan or any other Benzo? How long will this last? I felt much more "conscious" today though so maybe it was just a thing....

 

Everytime I feel this way, I freak and start to think that maybe I have some form of dementia and it'll keep getting worse and worse until I end up in the mental ward, not knowing I'm even in the world. My mind just races with all these crazy fears like that, like I'm gonna just live in a panic state all my life and not ever be able to leave my house because of it. Then I have a good day and feel like I can conquer the world.

 

I stopped taking my B's again thinking maybe that was causing, maybe it was too soon to start back on them. Is the Ativan still in my system? Hopefully it's the healing that's taking place and I'm not losing my composure.

[[...]]

One week free of benzos is very early days yet.  Not saying you have protracted withdrawal but truth is these meds take some time get out of the body so that "feeling not quite" could last a little time. I'm five months out and just waiting for the day when I feel "normal" again for a whole day - have glimpses of it so that keeps me positive.  Hang in there.

[[cu...]]

I think my biggest downfall was I expected it all to be gone after I took the last little crumble of Ativan.  I woke up last night with those horrible inner trembles again, but it was just in my head (of all places to be,with all the other crap going on in there). I had a wonderful taper, though...very, very few symptoms.

 

What else (other than drinking lots of water and sweating) can I do to get this stuff the rest of the way out? If it's all out will I feel better then?  I think I'd rather have the physical symptoms than the mental!!!

[[gu...]]

Cupcake~~

 

As LB said... it is WAY early days for you yet. And it is not so much 'getting the

stuff out' of your system. It is letting your body reconnect and rediscover

those pathways and 'inner workings' that the benzo altered. So recognize your

symptoms for the healing that is happening. Watch and wait and let time

work her magic.

s & 

[[cu...]]

Thanks, that's what I keep telling myself.  I'm learning a little more from this forum just exactly how and what the benzo done to me, understanding it really helps ease my mind a little. The best thing I've been doing is distraction, keeping my mind off of it.

 

Maybe I AM feeling normal, after having not felt that way in so long it's bound to seem foreign to me and I just have to get used to it.

[[...]]

I too had a good taper during the final stages - at about 80% normal.  However four months out from taking my little crumb of clonazepam, I got slammed with some middle of the night panic attacks and my cns generally wound up like a coil.  Then the brain fog re-appeared - haven't had that since very early in my taper.  It surely was disappointing as I thought I was going to have a smooth ride after my last dose.

 

However, don't want to feed you with negatives - this is my story and it probably won't be yours.  Either way, we have to keep positive and know that all these odd feelings we are having is actually our body healing itself.  And remember you have millions of receptors in the brain that have been masked by these drugs.  These receptors are slowly waking up and learning to "be themselves" again.  Time will let them wake up fully and take control again.

 

And besides today I have had a much better day - everyday without putting that poison into my body is a good day.

[[ve...]]

Hi Cupcake.  B vitamins revved up my system last month, had to stop a B complex after three days (I'm four months off valium).  I didn't read your full history as to how long you were on ativan but it is quite "normal" to have a gradual improvement over time.  I think its one of the misnomers that we sometimes tend to think that after the last dose things will dramatically improve.  For one thing, even if that were true, it is still possible that anxiety or whatever other reason one took the benzo for in the first place, might return (pre benzo anxiety, insomnia...).  Of course, therapy or doing some other self improvement could help learn coping strategies to deal with it.  Some on this forum have reported that they felt much better for a period of time until a big stressor came up and that the impact felt very strong since the benzo was no longer in the system to mask emotions, strong feelings or other reactions.  I agree with LB that there is no need to fear negatives or protracted withdrawal which is rare.  That being said, having realistic expectations about time and symptoms can be helpful.  I agree with GG that the body and brain sometimes just need time to reconnect for nerve endings to heal.

 

Best,

 

V (no more)

[[pa...]]

I agree with Vertigo and LB. It's now been over a month since my last dose of Valium. There are times when I feel full of energy, other times when I feel really exhausted, and still other times when a "stressor" will trigger w/d. My sleep is sometimes broken, or disrupted. This can go on for 3 or 4 days but it always resolves itself and then I find myself sleeping well again. Another member in a different post mentioned what they call "toxic naps", relating to the fact that they don't nap well, and they usually feel worse when they do. This is true of me also. I often don't bother to take naps in the afternoon, because I know I'll feel better if I don't.

I will say that for all the discomfort that the w/d has caused me, I can faithfully look back and say that my pain was worth it. Just to know that I am through with this drug and my feelings and emotions have come back is truly liberating. Cupcake, I know this feels unsettling at times for you right now. Heather Ashton has some words that always gave me hope and reassurance: "Whatever your symptoms are, it is best not to dwell on them... symptoms are just symptoms, and are not a sign of disease, but a sign of recovery..."

pangelingua

[[gi...]]

Hi Ciupcake,

 

Post Withdrawals is the period after the actual withdrawal (i.e.tapering) has ended. It's impossible not to have a couple weeks'  withdrawals, as benzos turn off the body's ability to regulate the GABA receptors. The receptors have basically atrophied (my description) and need time to start working again. Post Withdrawal Syndrome is considered to be when symptoms persist after 3 months. Protracted Withdrawal Syndrome is when symptoms extend past 18 months. I'd cite my sources but I'd have to go through a lot of notes and I'm just too bushed right now! There are varying opinions in the length of time of withdrawals but this seems to be the general consensus.

 

Your history was interesting; I've never seen anything like your story before!

 

Hang in there; I bet you'll be better in no time!

 

ginger

[[cu...]]

Thanks for the insight, Ginger. I think I have an overdeveloped sense of accomplishment that gets my hopes high and I want to butcher myself for failures that aren't particularly my fault LOL!  Since I stopped taking the B's I feel more "alive" so to speak, though I have moments.

 

I'm noticing after my workouts I'm getting extremely tired and more prone to anxiety...so I'm going to forgo the workouts on days I go places. I went somewhere before I did it, and was fine...had to go somewhere again afterwards, and had to really fight the panic.

 

Must be lactic acid buildup hahha..Then again, I'm a diabetic and it could be a blood sugar fluctuation issue, when my sugar drops I'm the queen of panic.  Anyway I'm not going to stop working out, I love doing it and it really cheers me up and I know in the long run it will help prevent the panic attacks.

 

I suppose I should thank the Lord (and I have) that it's not as bad as it could have or should have been...I've read alot of stories on here that made me very thankful, and more determined to never, ever ever ever take another Benzo again!!!

[[...]]

more determined to never, ever ever ever take another Benzo again!!!

Welcome to the never, ever club!

 

Great that you can get in some exercise - mine is limited to a walk of up to an hour each day.  But somedays I just feel so tired even that can be a major.  The important thing is to listen to our bodies - we know when we're over-doing it.

[[ho...]]

Hi all

 

ahhh..  1 month off friday... been pretty good........sleeps been decent ...ive had bout 3/4 rough rough days... and today is one of them...

 

It started when i was out today w my hubby and son shopn. Just felt really weird, depersonalization bit, super tired today, sleep wasnt great last night..lights really bothering me today..

 

Then preceded to take him to big indoor play place.......played some bowling.. then boom i started to burn up, feel faint, and super light sensitivity in there! had to get some water, and go outside for fresh air, felt like i was gona faint, was scary and horrible.......didnt have breaky today...?? i duno ... maybe that didnt help.....had to leave, felt bad for my son, was only there just under an hour....and the tremors , inner vibrations really bad now!! feels like my heart is having spasms!! and i feel like im shaking but im not.. what the heck is up?????? feels like i drank caffeine or alchohol

 

why do we have these stupid waves of symptoms/????? outa now where?

 

anyone? :'(