Post Benzo Freedom Withdrawal Support Group

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Seraquel  An Anti-psycotic Drug Used In Part For PTSD IsPrescribed in Dosage as High as 4000 mgs.ALSO Used For SLEEP AND Anxiety in Doage as Low as 25 mgs.Most Negative Experiences By BB's is a Result of Titraiting With to High  a Dose Creating Unpleasant Body Sensations and Negative Post.Please Ask Anyone Who Post Negatively about Seraquel What There Initial Dose Was.You May Find They Took To High a Dose.Seraquel is The Reason I Am Able To Post At 18 Months Benzo Free.

[[An...]]

V I have to ask what book you recommended to Angel??

Thanks

Kmarie

 

Kmarie - it's called "The Mindful Way Through Anxiety" by Susan M. Orsillo and Lizabeth Roemer.  I have just finished Chapter 2.  I am finding it really insightful because I am now realising that my anxiety problem started way back before benzos which is probably why it is still ongoing, and worse because of my sensitised CNS.

 

I plan to finish this book and its exercises if it's the last thing I do.  Highly recommend.

 

Angel

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Thanks Angel I think I will get it

Hugs

 

[[Su...]]

Hi V...just wanted to report that so far month 20 has been a really good month of considerable healing! My nervousness/anxiety goes away for days and even when it does revisit me, it's very mild...some months looks exactly the same..then other months I get a big boost of healing..it's WONDERFUL!

 

I even slept 10 hour last night! Last month I had a horrible bout of insomnia the week before my menstrual cycle...I've had to re-think why that is...I got caught up in blaming EVERY negative thing on benzo w/d..but I realize that obviously hormones are just affecting me a lot...maybe hormones will balance the longer of I'm off benzos..maybe it's just that I'm 40 and things get a little off balance..but I'm doing REALLY REALLY well right now and I just wanted to report that!

 

I also have lost 9 in 5 weeks w/ cutting sugar and refined carbs completely out of my diet..I eat chicken, fish, fruits and veggies and some dairy..I couldn't lose 2 lbs on Weight Watchers or any other diet..so to have lost 9 lbs is HUGE for me and shows I really did have to cut the sugar and processed foods. I'm walking 1-2 hours every single day and have toned and gotten so much endurance now..it feels AMAZING to be healthy and happy.

 

I sure hope I'm not in for a bad wave...that would be very disappointing!

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That's an encouraging update, Sunny71.  I agree that there are other potential causes for stressful symptoms emerging after a year or longer off the benzo, sometimes can be healthy to look at some other issues or potential causes, other than one's benzo history.  That being said, I think it's fair in the first couple years to acknowledge that the CNS may be a little more raw or sensitive to larger stressful occurrrences, whether it be a big change, some type of loss or as you mentioned, some hormonal fluctuations.  Glad to read that you are engaging in a healthier lifestyle, Sunny, and that you are starting to reap the rewards .

 

Best,

 

Vertigo

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V I have to ask what book you recommended to Angel??

Thanks

Kmarie

 

Kmarie - it's called "The Mindful Way Through Anxiety" by Susan M. Orsillo and Lizabeth Roemer.  I have just finished Chapter 2.  I am finding it really insightful because I am now realising that my anxiety problem started way back before benzos which is probably why it is still ongoing, and worse because of my sensitised CNS.I plan to finish this book and its exercises if it's the last thing I do.  Highly recommend.

Angel

 

Hows the book so far, Angel?

 

Vertigo

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Have a great weekend post benzo buddies

 

V

[[An...]]

V I have to ask what book you recommended to Angel??

Thanks

Kmarie

 

Kmarie - it's called "The Mindful Way Through Anxiety" by Susan M. Orsillo and Lizabeth Roemer.  I have just finished Chapter 2.  I am finding it really insightful because I am now realising that my anxiety problem started way back before benzos which is probably why it is still ongoing, and worse because of my sensitised CNS.I plan to finish this book and its exercises if it's the last thing I do.  Highly recommend.

Angel

 

Hows the book so far, Angel?

 

Vertigo

 

Down with an awful flu right now V - I think it is the result of years and years of stress.  Not sure if the result of Mum in a Care Home is final as she is not settling well and causing all sorts of problems which I hope they can sort out  They have told me they have no choice but to medicate her which is what I was dreading but it is the only way she can be "controlled"  I am hoping after her 4 week trial they won't throw her out!

 

The book is great!  It's funny it advises against positive thinking for anxiety as that just "covers" it.  I have just finished chapter 3 and have tried to put the mindfullness into action today (staying in the present and observing the emotions) and, although it has been difficult, it has actually worked.  Have you read the book V?  Do you practice mindfulness?  It is an interesting concept.

 

Angel

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Hi Angel.  Sorry to read about your Mum having to be medicated.  Are they suggesting benzos or something else?  Yes, I have the Mindful Way book by Orsillo and Roemer as well as probably five or six others, most of the ones that have been published in recent years on the subject.  I believe mindfulness is a proven method and that trying to "get rid of" or sugar coat anxiety is a futile strategy or expectation.  I'm also a fan of CFT (Compassion focused therapy) by Gilbert as well as other ACT therapy authors such as Russ Harris (The Happiness Trap) as well as  fellow UK author and existential therapist (Emmy Van Deurzen).  Straight CBT didn't click for me.

 

Sorry about your flu, hope you feel better ,

 

Vertigo

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Hi Angel.  Sorry to read about your Mum having to be medicated.  Are they suggesting benzos or something else?  Yes, I have the Mindful Way book by Orsillo and Roemer as well as probably five or six others, most of the ones that have been published in recent years on the subject.  I believe mindfulness is a proven method and that trying to "get rid of" or sugar coat anxiety is a futile strategy or expectation.  I'm also a fan of CFT (Compassion focused therapy) by Gilbert as well as other ACT therapy authors such as Russ Harris (The Happiness Trap) as well as  fellow UK author and existential therapist (Emmy Van Deurzen).  Straight CBT didn't click for me.

 

Sorry about your flu, hope you feel better ,

 

Vertigo

 

Thanks V

 

Re Mum - it's awful.  They have put her on Zopiclone (for sleep) - that's okay but also Risperdal - which is anti-psychotic - I just read up on it and it specifically says it shouldn't be used for dementia and for the elderly because of increased risk of stroke, heart attack or sudden death.  I can't say anything to the Care Home because they may then ask her to leave in 4 weeks and we would not know what to do next.  But it breaks my heart about the Risperdal.  My brothers say to let them do their job but if she is accepted permanently then I shall discuss my concerns then .... I can't tell you how awful I feel.

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Hi Angel. I suppose the Ambien for sleep for your mother might be understandable. Not sure about the anti psychotic. Is your mum resistant and non compliant? Was she able to take her dog with her? I remember you had said she has dementia. How old is she? Well, no wonder you are having a rough time. Sounds like a difficult situation. Maybe after a month, you can get them to lower the dose or switch the medication. It sounds like this is going to be a long haul, so it's a good thing that you're working on your coping skills now. Have you thought about maybe getting some counseling to help you through this rough patch? Sounds like you'll be staying in England for a while.

 

Vertigo

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She's 83. Very strong willed and independent but confused.

Yes I can imagine her being difficult hence the antipsychotic.

 

I am going back to Spain in a week but will be back shortly.

 

 

Thanks for your concern and sorry to hog this thread.

 

Angel

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No worries Angel.  Hope your mother stabilizes and that your siblings can check in on her when you return to Spain.  Was she able to keep her dog?  My mother in law is very stubborn and can be quite the bull in a China shop so  I can imagine how one might need to administer medication in some circumstances.  My father has also been on a bunch of medication in his eighties, including a benzo, other pain killers!  Sometimes there's no getting around it.  Glad you are enjoying the book. Keep us posted on your progress.

 

Hope all the rest of you benzo pepes have a good weekend.  It's Mother's Day tomorrow in the USA so it's going to be a busy weekend, plus another game to coach for my son.  Weather is looking nice so it should be nice.

 

Vertigo

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Summer is just around the corner.It's coming up. on 4 years (hard to believe) that I first went to the doctor to inquire about a "sleep aid"for that International trip I was going to be taking with my extended family and elderly father,one of the bigger blunders I've made in my life but things were really pretty stressful with my father having been diagnosed with cancer at the time. Little did I know that a couple months later, I would be impacted in such a significant way with the c/t, vertigo, reinstatement, tolerance and eventual taper off....

 

Yet, I read many stories of some who took the benzofor 10, 15 or even 20 years so I guessit's all relative and I am glad to be 2 years off the benzo Although pre benzo issues still surface and at times cause some stressful situations (like when my father needs a chemotherapy) where I feel like my CNS might be over reacting a bit, I know that the worst of my benzo recovery is now complete .  My father has managed to survive these past four years and a few years before it so our family has been blessed. He will turn 90 this summer .

 

It's been a year since I wrote my "success story" (at 95%) and I think I've made about as much progress as I'm going to make for now.  I'm still not quite 100% but close enough. I've tried to help where I could in the last couple years and it's getting to be that time for me to move on.  We all do eventually, right?

 

Thus, I have decided to leave the  forum this summer. This thread has not had too many new posters lately and I won't have time to keep bumping it up come June. So, it's been a nice run with almost 3000 posts, 300 pages and almost 70,000 views since I started this post benzo thread two years ago when I was just a few months off the benzo. I'll still be around for maybe a couple more weeks but come June, my presence here on this thread and forum will come to a close.

 

Vertigo

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Hi Vertigo,

 

Gosh, I know these days come but at the same time I am sad to see you go.  There is something calming about reading your posts and knowing that you are always around for your buddies here on the forum. Yes, there is less action on this thread.  Perhaps people are doing more in their real lives and spending less time on the forum. Also there are many newbies who are still in the process of tapering and have not gotten to the post stage yet.

 

You have given so much of your time and knowledge here and deserve the best that life has to offer.  I hate to put percentages on recovery myself.  I prefer to take it day by day and live each moment the best I am able to. I think I have been forever changed by this benzo experience.  Much of the change is for the better, the anxiety I had so soon after being given ativan was so debilitating that I feel strong enough to tackle anything that is thrown my way. I am going to read those books you recommended though, we can all use more tools in this complicated life.

 

You have an amazing father to be soon 90 and surviving cancer.  My father died at 90, he had one bad week and passed from heart failure. 

 

I look forward to the rest of May where we can still see the V on the forum.

 

Good luck with soccer and I hope your wife has a lovely Mother's Day.

 

pianogirl

 

 

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God Bless you Vertigo for all that yu have been through and all the help you have been to  ohers on this wonderful site.  I know everyone heals and feels the need to move on, I hope to be there one day myself!  Best of luck to you, Angelluv

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God Bless you Vertigo for all that yu have been through and all the help you have been to  ohers on this wonderful site.  I know everyone heals and feels the need to move on, I hope to be there one day myself!  Best of luck to you, Angelluv

 

Thanks Angelluv.  I'll still be around here and there for a few weeks, but it's getting to be that time.

 

 

Vertigo

[[Su...]]

It won't be the same here without you Vertigo.  You have helped so many people with your kindness and good advice. 

I am so happy that you are healed.

 

You will be missed !

Sunny girl

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V, you have been a source of strength to me and to

countless others on this forum and I can't thank you enough. I totally understand your reasons for leaving this forum and think it is the right decision to get on with your own life.

 

I am so glad your dad has reached a happy and relatively healthy 90!  That's wonderful.

 

I won't be on here much until I have good news to report. 

 

Wishing you love and light and thank you again for all your comfort.

 

Angel

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c

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V, you have been a source of strength to me and to countless others on this forum and I can't thank you enough. I totally understand your reasons for leaving this forum and think it is the right decision to get on with your own life. I am so glad your dad has reached a happy and relatively healthy 90! That's wonderful. I won't be on here much until I have good news to report. Wishing you love and light and thank you again for all your comfort. Angel

 

Many kind thanks, Angel. I first came to the forum backin May, 2009 (3 years ago ). I was in the middle of my taper off valium, down to 2mg as I recall. My father was in his mid eighties and had had several remissions from his cancer. Things got really rough by end of 2009 when I finished my taper. My father was hospitalized with heart failure and got a staphinfection which almost killed him. You all who were around then, really helped pull me up when I was at my lowest .

 

All while I finished my taper, my dad had a pacemaker put in, got pneumonia, and struggled to survive... He eventually was able to go home with caregivers. However, due to the stress of those times, I ended up with Shingles in January 2010 . It was a pretty severe case, with potential to cause vision loss and which resulted in post herpetic neuralgia (chronic nerve pain/sensations for over a year). Fortunately, it is not painful any longer, but the nerve tingling and itching persisted for a year afterward. Some suggested that my CNS was vulnerable or compromised from the benzo journey, which I've come to think may have been the case.  Fortunately, there was no vision loss.

 

That first year off was one of waxing and waning of post benzo symptoms, healing from the Shingles... while my father was recovering from his near death that Fall 2009. My father was hospitalized again in the Spring 2010 and I had to fly back in April for his next chemotherapy. My sibling was also causing some problems at the time, not happy that my father was home with caregivers (he wanted my father to move closer to his home amongst other demands) and so my brother took out a lot of his frustration and anger out on me . Also, one of the caregivers started to have some personal issues, so my wife and I decided to drive cross country that summer 2010 to help further assess things. At my father's request, we helped him to replace one of the caregivers and assisted with some house repairs. After a stressful summer, I had my first significant setback in August, 2010 after we returned home (9 months off the benzo). My blood pressure was elevated, hypertension, and nerve tingling was more intense where the Shingles had been... I realized I needed to work on a healthier lifestyle, better stress management and maybe I had taken on too much that summer .

 

I began a regular exercise program, ate fewer carbs and lost about 25lbs by end of 2010. I probably overdid the weight loss because anxiety seemed to spike and some friends told me I had lost too much weight too rapidly. Some on forum said my cortisol might be high from low carbing it. And to add another problem to the mix, I decided to succumb to my son's long standing request for a puppy,in January 2011 last year. My 2nd significant setback occurred at that time.  About a week into the house breaking of the young dog (at 14 months off), I started to feel the impact of sleep loss. We were crate training the dog so we were awakened many days in a row plus he was chewing on the baseboards and seemed to have intestinal problems/worms which is not good for house breaking or one's nerves!!! One night I went to bed and I felt light headed and got a little dizzy. I was worried that the vertigo was coming back from the stress of having gotten the dog. Fortunately, it passed but the dog who had been a shelter rescue, turned out to be quite ill and required significant cost and efffort to nurse him back to health .

 

Last April, 2010 I returned to visit my dad who was now 89 and still battling cancer. There had been very heavy rains in California that winter and I discovered his 2nd story and garage had been leaking :'(. So I spent a couple weeks getting roofing estimates and I was able to schedule a roof replacement for the upcoming summer, 2011. Meanwhile, my brother continued to cause ripples, but my father wanted to stay in his home and repair his roof. I was better able to cope with some of the stress, having read a few books on stress management, mindfulness and some other approaches to anxiety. I gained back about 10lbs, started to eat more complex carbohydrates and consumed some super green smoothies.  Things settled down and I wrote my "success story" last May, 2011, about 18 months post benzo .

 

My post benzo recovery was somewhat unique, having goten the Shingles so soon after my taper ended and it was complicated by my father's ongoing cancer and family conflicts.  However,  I do believe that I needed at least part of that second year in 2011 to heal. Since last summer, I've mostly felt pretty well. I've focused on a couple of the "pre benzo" issues I had (like trying to find a way to get 8 hours of sleep ) and continuing to develop and evolve coping strategies to deal with stressful situations . I've also tried to help out a few buddies along the way this past year.  Nevertheless, I figure a year since posting my success story and 3 years since I first came to forum is as good a time as any to move on.

 

I'll still be around for a few more weeks but it's going to be a busy summer.  My father will turn 90 and in many ways, I feel blessed. I hope all the post benzo buddies who have posted or just read this thread from time to time will continue to heal and regain strength and health moving forward.  Healing is not always as rapid as one would like nor does it seem to follow a straight linear trajectory, but it does gradually get better.

 

 

Vertigo

[[ve...]]

It won't be the same here without you Vertigo. You have helped so many people with your kindness and good advice. I am so happy that you are healed. You will be missed ! Sunny girl

 

Thanks SunnyGirl. The other day, I got frustrated with a post and wasn't so kind.in my reply. It made me realize that it'sprobably time to move on. It was a young colllege gal who has been off the benzo a couple months and went out for a night with her friends and had too much to drink and was wondering why she had suchintense setback... We all do make mistakes and I have had some wine too soon in my recovery, but not five hard drinks and I was not surprised when I had my setback. Anyway, I was a little hard on her, which I regret. I realized that I probably responded to ten people like her (althoughin a little nicer way  in the last couple years and that maybe it was time for me to move on now. Anyway, I'll tinker around for a couple weeks, maybe til early June and that will be it.

 

Some guy really wrote a long post before this one

 

 

Vertigo

[[ve...]]

Hi Vertigo, Gosh, I know these days come but at the same time I am sad to see you go. There is something calming about reading your posts and knowing that you are always around for your buddies here on the forum. Yes, there is less action on this thread. Perhaps people are doing more in their real lives and spending less time on the forum. Also there are many newbies who are still in the process of tapering and have not gotten to the post stage yet. You have given so much of your time and knowledge here and deserve the best that life has to offer. I hate to put percentages on recovery myself. I prefer to take it day by day and live each moment the best I am able to. I think I have been forever changed by this benzo experience. Much of the change is for the better, the anxiety I had so soon after being given ativan was so debilitating that I feel strong enough to tackle anything that is thrown my way. I am going to read those books you recommended though, we can all use more tools in this complicated life. You have an amazing father to be soon 90 and surviving cancer. My father died at 90, he had one bad week and passed from heart failure. I look forward to the rest of May where we can still see the V on the forum. Good luck with soccer and I hope your wife has a lovely Mother's Day. pianogirl

 

Hi PG. Many thanks for your kind remarks. I am not sure why there have been fewer posts lately on this thread, but it was kind of a novelty when I started it a couple years ago when I was only a few months off valium. Seemed like a good idea to have a place where people who were finished with their taper but still having some symptoms, could post their experiences. I think a few other threads have been helpful in a similar regard recently (7-12 month thread) and the post benzo protracted thread started by Albie a couple months ago. Well, at least there are some options for those who are no longer tapering . Glad you are feeling better day by day and have found ways to cope with life's challenges. Sorry to read about the loss of your father. I think 90 is a pretty ripe age, seems like things start to go downhill in the eighties :'(. Anyway, hope you enjoyed your Mother's day as well. We made the most of a rainy day here . We'll see you around for a little while longer.  Meanwhile, if there are any other post benzo buddies who wish to post an update, looks like time is ticking .

 

Vertigo

[[4l...]]

Just a quick note of thanks for responding to Piano Girl and Vertigo.  We have bought some coconut water to try.  Sadly, he is having a rough go with the physical symptoms and anxiety. 

 

Yes Vertigo, we are not naive to the fact that he will have to deal with anxiety probably the rest of his life.  As of now it is SUPER extreme and although he is very book-smart and well-versed in Benzo's and withdrawal he is losing faith.  A long taper and a 8 months later is a long time to not feel relief.  We have been to every doctor, had every test and the only differential is the withdrawal.  He knows reinstatement is not the solution, but just wants the pain to stop. 

 

We'll muddle through somehow.  He has been a trooper thus far.  I will not give up either as I truly know he is better off than on that poison. 

 

Enjoy your summer and thanks for the encouragement you give to all of us.

[[ve...]]

Hi LovPat.

I am sorry to read that your husband's anxiety is still very intense at 8 months out.  I can say that my own anxiety and "withdrawal worries" were ongoing through the first year.  It did subside at times, waxing and waning, sometimes helped with mindfulness and other coping mechanisms to take a new perspective on some of the habitual triggers that would typically create waves.  Hope your husband gets some relief in the coming months.

 

Best,

 

Vertigo