Post Benzo Freedom Withdrawal Support Group

[[ve...]]

Day 5 of a sinus infection, been taking antibiotics 2 days now, and almost a week of jet lag and not good sleep after a week out of town :'(.  Also, my gut is starting to act up but I'm taking a probiotic called culturelle as well as consuming Greek yogurt smoothies daily.  I'm hoping things will turn around in the next day or two. 

 

I've flown from the W. Coast about three times in the last year.  Each time, it seemed to take a week or two to adjust to the time after my return.  I'm not sure it's worth it to go through this every time I fly across the country.  I used to have similar issues of jet lag and sinus trouble before benzos, but it seems this trip and the one last July 2011 hit me particularly hard.  Maybe the jet lag problems and fine tuning of sleep patterns just isn't going to happen any time soon.  There were some stressful issues to deal with when I was out of town, could be that they are still impacting the sleep situation.  Guess if that's one of the only remaining issues off the benzo, I'm lucky.  I also tend to get some blues after those visits back to my "home town", which are not benzo related, more a realization that my father probably is going to die of cancer or something else in the next few years and there's not much I can do about it.  A sibling who I don't get along with will have to be dealt with after many years of disagreements and conflict, which partly led to my taking that first valium a few years ago .

 

Vertigo

[[An...]]

Sorry you are under the weather V. You sound s little rundown too.  Hope you feel better soon and thank you again for the wonderful advice on my thread - am looking forward to getting that book.

 

Angel

[[ve...]]

Sorry you are under the weather V. You sound s little rundown too.  Hope you feel better soon and thank you again for the wonderful advice on my thread - am looking forward to getting that book.

Angel

 

No worries Angel.  I hope you like the book.

 

Hugs,

 

Vertigo

[[ve...]]

Haven't heard from many newer post benzo pepes here on this thread lately. This thread might be a little intimidating at first glance with almost 300 pages and nearly 3000 replies since I first started the thread a little over two years ago. However, it needs new buddies to sustain it or it will fade into the sunset. I won't be around as much this summer and will be around less after that. Would sure like to hear from some new buddies who are off the benzo and perhaps still struggling with recovery.

 

Vertigo

[[mp...]]

Hi Vertigo,

 

As short term memory loss is my most worrisome sx left, I do not remember if I posted on this particular thread yet. 

 

One year after my "accidental" c/t w/d, I am suddenly, as of one week ago, much better!  The symptoms remaining for me are:

 

*Short term memory loss. I not only have lost actual "data", I seem to have lost the capacity to learn things, although, in the last few weeks I believe I have seen an improvement in this area. It's just that in other areas, the results of healing were much more pronounced. I try not to either put too much pressure on myself, or raise my expectations up too high.

 

*Tinnitus. Much better now, but never gone. Does crank up when stressed.

 

*Tight, numb skin on neck, chin, sometimes ear. This is also so much better! It has not gone away completely, and is more odd than painful. This sx on its own does not cause me too much stress at this point.

 

*Dizziness. Much better, yet always present. I rarely have to hang on to anything when walking. I do not feel like I am going to fall down anymore.

 

*Bloating/weight gain. After initially losing a huge amount of weight, I have gained it back and much more. Even when slightly nauseous, I am constantly hungry. I eat a lot and will not beat myself up for it.

 

*Agoraphobic. Although part of me never wants to leave my house, it is much easier to push through and go to see a movie or have dinner with my wonderful mom. Last week I had my hair done and went on a job interview!  I am actively looking for a new job and I do not have fear about it.

 

I still have small amounts of other sxs, but not worth enumerating. The bottom line is this, after one year out, I have such huge amounts of joy and love, things I never, ever experienced in my life.

 

Here is a partial lists of symptoms gone or nearly gone after one year:

 

I am sleeping pretty soundly now, I wake up with only mild rushes.

 

I have little to no anxiety. I have little to no paranoia.

 

I have only slight visual disturbances. I have no hearing sensitivity. (Tinnitus excluded.)

 

I am able to yawn and laugh. (Still not able to cry.)

 

There are many, many more symptoms that have either disappeared or "mellowed". I originally had over 30 symptoms that I could remember to track that are in this category.

 

I am hoping that I am like some I've read about, that benzo w/d will leave me better off than I was before I started my long relationship with "grandpa benzo" Valium.

 

I work on forgiving myself everyday. 

 

I am so very grateful to be alive. I have never felt that before in my entire life!

 

BB is the best thing that could have ever come into my life.

 

M.

[[ve...]]

Hi M. 

Thanks for the update and post.  I do believe you posted a couple days ago on the travel theme... that short term memory can be impacted!  Good to hear that your tinnitus and dizziness are getting better.  It sounds like you are making progress.  I have had some weight fluctuations as well .

 

Keep keepin on,

 

V

[[4l...]]

hi everyone - I haven't posted much since my husband ended his taper.  We are 32 weeks off so approximately 7.5 months post Benzos. 

 

A lot of good news to report... sleep returned (unassisted), depression lifted mostly, and so, so, so much more!  On the downside, he still is in constant pain in chest area, head and teeth - plus his muscle tone is just so weak (he was an athlete prior to this and now all he can do is walk and that is challenging).  Also when you hold his hand you can feel it pulsating like he just slammed his finger.  We are assuming it is just his CNS has more healing.  He lost a lot of weight (A LOT) during the taper and has only gained 5lbs back and he EATS all the time.  He is just burning it off.  I feel safe to say it is withdrawal because we have undergone every heart test, thyroid test, etc. 

 

So here are my questions for you...  what helped you regain your muscle tone or strength physically?  I had him drinking Ensure protein shakes but they have so much sugar he thought he should stop those.  We have tried or are trying: massage (bi-weekly and at home by me), acupuncture (just started this), and hot yoga (once a week). 

 

He thinks it is his anxiety pre-benzo coming back and is getting discouraged that drugs may be the only answer.  Note: his pre-benzo anxiety was NEVER like this and it was brought on by situational stress (MAJOR life changes).  I won't say his job now is not stressful, but I try to keep home life fairly simple. 

 

I know everyone's journey is different.  We fortunately never had the DP/DR mental issues.  His has all been physical.  Just trying to see how to get his body back so his mind can be at peace.  I think the pain creates his anxiety.  Who knows though!? 

 

Any feedback welcome.  All my best to each of your journeys...

 

[[pi...]]

hi everyone - I haven't posted much since my husband ended his taper.  We are 32 weeks off so approximately 7.5 months post Benzos. 

 

A lot of good news to report... sleep returned (unassisted), depression lifted mostly, and so, so, so much more!  On the downside, he still is in constant pain in chest area, head and teeth - plus his muscle tone is just so weak (he was an athlete prior to this and now all he can do is walk and that is challenging).  Also when you hold his hand you can feel it pulsating like he just slammed his finger.  We are assuming it is just his CNS has more healing.  He lost a lot of weight (A LOT) during the taper and has only gained 5lbs back and he EATS all the time.  He is just burning it off.  I feel safe to say it is withdrawal because we have undergone every heart test, thyroid test, etc. 

 

So here are my questions for you...  what helped you regain your muscle tone or strength physically?  I had him drinking Ensure protein shakes but they have so much sugar he thought he should stop those.  We have tried or are trying: massage (bi-weekly and at home by me), acupuncture (just started this), and hot yoga (once a week). 

 

He thinks it is his anxiety pre-benzo coming back and is getting discouraged that drugs may be the only answer.  Note: his pre-benzo anxiety was NEVER like this and it was brought on by situational stress (MAJOR life changes).  I won't say his job now is not stressful, but I try to keep home life fairly simple. 

 

I know everyone's journey is different.  We fortunately never had the DP/DR mental issues.  His has all been physical.  Just trying to see how to get his body back so his mind can be at peace.  I think the pain creates his anxiety.  Who knows though!? 

 

Any feedback welcome.  All my best to each of your journeys...

 

Hi Pat,

 

My symptoms have been mostly physical so I can relate to your husband.  Sometimes it get so tiring feeling these things and know how they can cause anxiety.

 

I think starting slowly with exercise is really important. I really should have followed my own advice and at times I have overdone things.  Walking is great exercise. I would encourage daily walks. I also was very athletic prior to my withdrawal journey.  I have also tried acupuncture, the first time was very gentle and I thought it helped considerably. The second time was too aggressive and I had so much pain afterwards, a bit of a wave.  Gentle massage also works for me, again I had a stronger trigger point massage and was in more pain afterwards. I also started walking around the house with 16oz soup cans in my hand.  I gradually worked up to 5 pounds weights. Now I am bicycling at least 3-4 times a week and have stared light weights.

 

I would also recommend coconut water.  I drink a little in the morning, it replenishes the electrolytes and is not sweet.  Its not that tasty either. Does your husband eat enough good protein, chicken, wild caught fish? I also make a smoothy every morning with greek yogurt, lots of berries and seasonal fruit (mangos, papaya etc.) and a splash of milk.

 

It just takes time to regain all we have lost through this process.  Frustrating yes, we just can't hurry healing.

 

All the best to you and your husband,

 

pianogirl 

[[Un...]]

I am approaching the 10 month mark this month.  These last few weeks ( 2 week I think) have been great!  I been much better, no crazy dizzy or anxiety.  Still not 100% but 90% improvement from a month ago!  Don't know if this will all come back for another wave, but so far it has been so pleasant I do not want it to stop!!!  Almost like myself again.  Even went out to a bar to hangout.  I do not drink anymore, but I used to have some crazy issues being around a big crowd up until now.  It was nice to be among people and not feel like I am going insane!  Maybe there is an end to this someday?  Would be fantastic! 

[[ve...]]

I am approaching the 10 month mark this month.  These last few weeks ( 2 week I think) have been great!  I been much better, no crazy dizzy or anxiety.  Still not 100% but 90% improvement from a month ago!  Don't know if this will all come back for another wave, but so far it has been so pleasant I do not want it to stop!!!  Almost like myself again.  Even went out to a bar to hangout.  I do not drink anymore, but I used to have some crazy issues being around a big crowd up until now.  It was nice to be among people and not feel like I am going insane!  Maybe there is an end to this someday?  Would be fantastic! 

 

Sounds like you've seen much progress in the last month, Unr3al .  I was a little anti social in the first three to four months off the valium, but gradually found that it got better with time too.  I'm going to the Hawks/Celtics playoff game tonight which will be a big crowd!!!  I remember when I first went to a big arena at about a year off, it was a bit overwhelming.  I don't anticipate any issues now. 

 

Vertigo

[[Un...]]

I am approaching the 10 month mark this month.  These last few weeks ( 2 week I think) have been great!  I been much better, no crazy dizzy or anxiety.  Still not 100% but 90% improvement from a month ago!  Don't know if this will all come back for another wave, but so far it has been so pleasant I do not want it to stop!!!  Almost like myself again.  Even went out to a bar to hangout.  I do not drink anymore, but I used to have some crazy issues being around a big crowd up until now.  It was nice to be among people and not feel like I am going insane!  Maybe there is an end to this someday?  Would be fantastic! 

 

Sounds like you've seen much progress in the last month, Unr3al .  I was a little anti social in the first three to four months off the valium, but gradually found that it got better with time too.  I'm going to the Hawks/Celtics playoff game tonight which will be a big crowd!!!  I remember when I first went to a big arena at about a year off, it was a bit overwhelming.  I don't anticipate any issues now. 

 

Vertigo

 

I went to a College Football game back in September when I was at the absolute HEIGHT of the worst of the worst.  It was terrifying.  I tried to spend as much time on the concourse AWAY from my seats as I could.  It was thinking I would go insane with all those people around me.  I didn't go to any more games that season. 

 

I think stuff might be changing now.  I know that some situation that would usually trigger an unease or bad feeling i been able to control more and ease out of.  I would almost tell myself out loud "Here we go, I can feel it coming on again!"  But then it would almost like fizzle out and not be bad at all.  I really hope this keeps up like this because I am getting the joy of life back now and I fear that I will get used to it and it will just be ripped from again like before. 

 

[[ve...]]

I am approaching the 10 month mark this month. These last few weeks ( 2 week I think) have been great! I been much better, no crazy dizzy or anxiety. Still not 100% but 90% improvement from a month ago! Don't know if this will all come back for another wave, but so far it has been so pleasant I do not want it to stop!!! Almost like myself again. Even went out to a bar to hangout. I do not drink anymore, but I used to have some crazy issues being around a big crowd up until now. It was nice to be among people and not feel like I am going insane! Maybe there is an end to this someday? Would be fantastic!

Sounds like you've seen much progress in the last month, Unr3al . I was a little anti social in the first three to four months off the valium, but gradually found that it got better with time too. I'm going to the Hawks/Celtics playoff game tonight which will be a big crowd!!! I remember when I first went to a big arena at about a year off, it was a bit overwhelming. I don't anticipate any issues now. Vertigo

I went to a College Football game back in September when I was at the absolute HEIGHT of the worst of the worst. It was terrifying. I tried to spend as much time on the concourse AWAY from my seats as I could. It was thinking I would go insane with all those people around me. I didn't go to any more games that season. I think stuff might be changing now. I know that some situation that would usually trigger an unease or bad feeling i been able to control more and ease out of. I would almost tell myself out loud "Here we go, I can feel it coming on again!" But then it would almost like fizzle out and not be bad at all. I really hope this keeps up like this because I am getting the joy of life back now and I fear that I will get used to it and it will just be ripped from again like before.

 

Yea, I know what you mean about the huge crowds and looking down from high seats in a 100,000 capacity college football stadium can challenge your senses with or without benzo history and symptoms . I took my son yesterday to the Hawks/Celtics playoff game (was offered a couple of seats and no way to turn it down ). I remember when I went to a few NBA games in December 2010 which was about a year post taper, I had some weird visual things still going on, not dizzy but just a little off kilter (we were up pretty high). What a difference time makes. At two years off, there were absolutely no visual or dizziness issues to contend with yesterday. On top of that, I flew back from the W. Coast this past week and came down with a sinus infection so I've been on antibiotics for three days now. Fortunately they really seem to be working and my energy levels were back up for yesterday's Hawk's one point victory over the Celtics . Also, the culturelle is really helping to keep my gut in check (great probiotic if you ever have to take antibiotics).

 

Vertigo

[[An...]]

Glad you enjoyed the game V.

 

My anxiety is the acutest I remember it and an consulting all kinds of anxiety boards which probably does more to depress than help. The meds are not working and I don't know if I was right to say I had GAD. I never in my life had any anxiety and I wonder if the Xanax damaged me permanently.

 

I am feeling hopeless.

 

Is there anyone else with extreme anxiety at 12 months off?

I know I have had some very kind responses on another thread but wouldn't mind some more. Am pretty desperate today.

[[pa...]]

Hi V

I'm having a quieter week so far with less work hours. I worked a 10 hour day Monday. Sleep has been good although I woke up earlier this morning.

I saw the replies with member Unr3al about stadiums large crowds and heights. These kinds of things are a bad trigger for me. In fact, I believe my first real panic attack happened when I was about age 10 and my grandparents took my sister and I to the Angels Stadium for the 200th 4th of July celebration. We had seats in the upperdeck and it was horrible for me the feeling of looking down into the large crowds, endless noise and wide spaces. This was long before benzos or my panic symptoms starting at age 20.

This is one reason I'm so into the book "The Highly Sensitive Person" and her explanations of why some of us become frazzled in situations where others would consider pleasurable. At age 10, I had no past history of negative feedback (from high places or large crowds) as CBT therapists are so ready to suggest. The author of the book I refer to would say that my brain is simply wired in such a way that this kind of an atmosphere is more likely to cause me to feel overstimulated than it would in others and leads me to feeling quite frazzled. Just as there are those who avoid discotechs (with flashing lights and loud sounds), a vast stadium with noise and crowds is probably best avoided by me in order to maintain quality of living.

 

Of course, if you formerly found large crowds, wide open spaces and lots of noise to be pleasurable than certainly working on coping skills and bringing the good times back are worth seeking. As for me, my level is a walk in movie theater. Although, there was an add in movies that I have to close my eyes when it appears on the screen. It shows a virtual reality computer simulation of a high speed roller coaster that leads to outer space with lots of spikes and dips.

I saw this one when we went to the movies the weekend before last and it brings me intense feelings of vertigo.

My wife and kids and I took 2 of my son's friends with us as a treat for his 11 birthday. I had 7 free movie passes and we saw "Pirates" in 3-D. I actually found the 3-D simulation to be quite enjoyable in this movie. My son had been so eager to see "The Hunger Games" but I heard that it was a rather grim movie so we choose a family friendly movie instead.

Hope everyone here on this thread is having a nice week! I'll post back more later...

 

 

 

[[km...]]

Angel yes I had bad anxiety up until a week ago and I'm 20 months off.  Still fighting that and dizziness, agoraphobia (this is getting better) stomach issues an sometimes DR.  Hang in there it does get better but it seems more like at 2 years off not 12. 

Hugs

Kmarie

[[ve...]]

Hi Mike.  I do understand the issue with heights or large stadium crowds.  I didn't have a big issue before benzos but I would say I could tolerate it and did not detract from my enjoying a game on occasion.  I think I have more stress with parking and getting out of the stadium afterwards .  Last night, I was able to park in a lot that I find to be easy to get in and out of so it was not a problem.  There were some large crowds after the game because we stayed the whole game, being that it was a nail biter to the end, with our home team Hawks holding on for a one point victory. So lots of people making their way out at the same time.  However, the height and all that didn't bother me like it did a year ago when I went to the same arena.  I have to run.  Will try to post later.

 

Vertigo

[[Fa...]]

Glad to see such progress, Vertigo.  I couldn't imagine now going to an arena of any size.  Have to be in ny this afternoon and and dreading it.

Faulk

[[An...]]

I got the book V!  Going to start it tonight! 

 

Thanks so much

 

Angel

[[ve...]]

Glad to see such progress, Vertigo.  I couldn't imagine now going to an arena of any size.  Have to be in ny this afternoon and and dreading it.

Faulk

 

NY can be like a big amusement park!

 

V

[[ve...]]

Angel yes I had bad anxiety up until a week ago and I'm 20 months off.  Still fighting that and dizziness, agoraphobia (this is getting better) stomach issues an sometimes DR.  Hang in there it does get better but it seems more like at 2 years off not 12. 

Hugs

Kmarie

 

I would say that I definitely saw a lot of progress in the 2nd year Kmarie.  I was just commenting that some of the visual tracking stuff which I had a year ago when I went to a ball game did not bother me yesterday when I attended an event at a big arena.  Also big crowds after the game didn't phase me. Yes, it was a little annoying but no out of the ordinary discomfort.  A lot of healing can take place in year two .

 

Vertigo

[[An...]]

Angel yes I had bad anxiety up until a week ago and I'm 20 months off.  Still fighting that and dizziness, agoraphobia (this is getting better) stomach issues an sometimes DR.  Hang in there it does get better but it seems more like at 2 years off not 12. 

Hugs

Kmarie

 

Thanks Kmarie. Sorry you are still getting symptoms at 20 months out.  Vertigo recommended an excellent book for anxiety with exercises and I shall work my way through it.

[[ve...]]

I got the book V!  Going to start it tonight! 

Thanks so much

Angel

 

Hope it is helpful to you

 

 

V

[[ve...]]

hi everyone - I haven't posted much since my husband ended his taper. We are 32 weeks off so approximately 7.5 months post Benzos. A lot of good news to report... sleep returned (unassisted), depression lifted mostly, and so, so, so much more! On the downside, he still is in constant pain in chest area, head and teeth - plus his muscle tone is just so weak (he was an athlete prior to this and now all he can do is walk and that is challenging). Also when you hold his hand you can feel it pulsating like he just slammed his finger. We are assuming it is just his CNS has more healing. He lost a lot of weight (A LOT) during the taper and has only gained 5lbs back and he EATS all the time. He is just burning it off. I feel safe to say it is withdrawal because we have undergone every heart test, thyroid test, etc. So here are my questions for you... what helped you regain your muscle tone or strength physically? I had him drinking Ensure protein shakes but they have so much sugar he thought he should stop those. We have tried or are trying: massage (bi-weekly and at home by me), acupuncture (just started this), and hot yoga (once a week). He thinks it is his anxiety pre-benzo coming back and is getting discouraged that drugs may be the only answer. Note: his pre-benzo anxiety was NEVER like this and it was brought on by situational stress (MAJOR life changes). I won't say his job now is not stressful, but I try to keep home life fairly simple. I know everyone's journey is different. We fortunately never had the DP/DR mental issues. His has all been physical. Just trying to see how to get his body back so his mind can be at peace. I think the pain creates his anxiety. Who knows though!? Any feedback welcome. All my best to each of your journeys...

 

Hi lovepat. Thanks for your post. Just wanted to comment that I believe if your husband took the benzo for anxiety, it is likely and expected to not only come back but at times rebound anxiety can feel stronger than it was before. It may take a while for that to diminish. Eventually, especially if one reads up on it  or has some therapy, one can learn better coping skills.

 

Yet, there is also what some call "vulernability to stress" that some have reported in the first year or two off the benzo, which is when things get more stressful than usual, sometimes one reacts a little stronger than one did before. The CNS is healing and not used to being bombarded heavily, at least that is the theory.

 

My second year off was not stress free. In fact, the last five years have not been easy ones with my father having terminal cancer and some family conflicts going on, having to interrupt my income three times a year to help my father with his home repairs, caregivers, chemotherapies... The trips back home have become almost predictable in how they impact my sleep, my mood and my recovery. This summer is going to be busy again. All I can do is try to accept whatever comes and try to cope as best as possible. Massage, warm baths... can all be nice. However, if one's goal is to eliminate anxiety because it's "unbearable", that is a slippery slope to take because the more you wish something away, the stronger you might make it.

 

Accepting that sometimes one might feel revved up can be a healthier strategy sometimes. Mindfulness and/or meditation might also be helpful, as long as one isn't doing it with the expressed purpose to get rid of emotions or anxiety. Again, it's a paradox and one can read up on it.

 

If one is having weight fluctuations or unexplained weight loss, one might check with one's doctor and make sure blood tests are stable. Sometimes weight loss is part of withdrawal. It is also possible that other health problems could be developing. I would err on the side of caution and get regular check ups. Hope your husband feels better soon.

 

Vertigo

[[ve...]]

Any more post benzo buddies who have any ongoing issues after taper was completed?

 

Vertigo

[[km...]]

V I have to ask what book you recommended to Angel??

Thanks

Kmarie