Post Benzo Freedom Withdrawal Support Group

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hey Verti  can you please go to the c/t thread and have a look at my seizure question noone has answered and I want to go to bed but am freaking out.  thanks for being constant I need to get info before you leave lol.

Lizzyx

 

Looks like you deleted your seizure post over there Lizzy?  Since the c/t section of forum is still fairly new, you might get more responses more quickly if you start a thread here in "withdrawal support" section of forum.  You could also post your question on this thread if you would like.

 

Vertigo

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Good to hear back from you Mike.  My recumbant bike still has a working digitial display so I know what you mean, it reads the calories burned, the miles/distance travelled or pedaled .  Like you, I also enjoy cycling outdoors but it's sometimes a hassle to get bikes on a rack and our neighborhood is not really suited for riding around in.  So I walk the dog out in the neighborhood and ride the bike indoors, and occasionally do rent some bikes on a nice trail not far from our home.

 

Hi Mimi.  Interesting about the B-12.  My father gets shots.  His doctor told him something about the pills not always being absorbed as easily.  I used to take B-12 in the first year off valium but it riled me up.  I'll ask my doctor next blood test in the Fall but I don't anticipate problems other than the weight I gained and probably higher cholesterol .  I hope to lose about 12 lbs in the next six months, 2 lbs a month will be much slower than the 2lbs a week I lost back in 2010!  It may be a little tougher in some of the summer months when on vacation but I will be sure to exercise more and more too.  I am upset with myself for gaining back so much weight in the last six months to a year but I guess it's fairly common to yo yo.  I was about 185 when I turned 50 last year which was not bad for my height but I really need to be closer to 180 and have creeped up into the 190ties again .  When I started the diet back in September 2010, I was just over 200 and got down to about 170 in three months by early 2011!  Now I've gained back about 20 lbs. Yikes.

 

Vertigo

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John, I said goodbye to you before and you stayed so I'm hoping that if I say goodbye to you again you won't leave this time, either.

So...

goodbye!

g

 

Thanks G.  Yea, I kind of feel like I sorta cried wolf last time I said I was going to leave forum, couldn't break my "addiction to forum" .  This time is different.  It's been a year since I wrote my "success story", 3 years since I came to forum and over two years since my taper ended.  I'm not saying that I'll never be back but I think a c/t from forum will be the best way for me to stop "thinking of benzos" and really move on for good.  I might post a three year update in the Fall but I really will be stepping away, probably in the first few days of June.  So I'll be around about another week. 

 

I've spent some time the last year trying to help some folks who either did c/t or rapid taper and were weighing the potential benefits of reinstatement or dose correcting.  I think there was a tendency of a majority of members of this forum and others to avoid supporting openly the potential benefits of dose correction for those who may have been tapering too rapidly and might benefit from a dose correction.  Also some who did a c/t and still had a reasonable window to reinstate and do a slow taper did not get much support.  I was happy to see that a separate section for cold turkey and detox was opened last month, where I've spent some time this year.  I've also tried to keep this thread going for my post benzo buddies .  But it really is time for me to tend some important things in my life this summer.  I hope you and all my buddies who are still struggling with the benzo beast will find some further healing.

 

 

V

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Anyone have a post benzo update or story to post?

 

Vertigo

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Hi guys just wanted to see when energy returned for you guys? I

5+ months off right now and so weak and tired with no energy. It's like my eyes are closing on me, it's the same every day!

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Vertigo

I have been reading a lot of your posts.  Did you have stomach pain and bloating/ Benson belly?  If so when did it leave?

Thank you for all of your great posts!

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Vertigo I deleted it because no one goes there and I was like freaking out so I will thank you post it here.

 

24 hours after I c/t the 2mg of Xanax I was lying down and I got a tingling sensation on my face I sat up and threw up (sorry) and then I was overcome with such extreme fear like I have never felt before.  I have read that partial seizures cause extreme fear now Im worried I have brain damage as well.  Im thinking maybe you are right also my ocd in relation to that other guys post maybe I have some hypercondhria or however your spell it as well.  I know your not a doctor but an opinion would be great.  I dont want you to leave either your know your a good guy I realise why you have to though real people in your life need you.

 

Lizzyx

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Vertigo I have been reading a lot of your posts.  Did you have stomach pain and bloating/ Benson belly?  If so when did it leave? Thank you for all of your great posts!

 

Hi Sarafina,

I have had stomach problems going back years before benzos.  Had ulcers twenty years ago, acid reflux diagnosed maybe ten years ago.  Have taken prilosec for a few years now.  During taper, acid reflux was worse than usual at times.  I tried to stop the prilosec last year but couldn't do it, but I have reduced it to every other day.  I've had weight gain, weight loss and weight gain this past 18 months.  I don't think I had benzo belly though.

 

Best,

 

Vertigo

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Thank you!

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Vertigo I deleted it because no one goes there and I was like freaking out so I will thank you post it here.

 

24 hours after I c/t the 2mg of Xanax I was lying down and I got a tingling sensation on my face I sat up and threw up (sorry) and then I was overcome with such extreme fear like I have never felt before.  I have read that partial seizures cause extreme fear now Im worried I have brain damage as well.  Im thinking maybe you are right also my ocd in relation to that other guys post maybe I have some hypercondhria or however your spell it as well.  I know your not a doctor but an opinion would be great.  I dont want you to leave either your know your a good guy I realise why you have to though real people in your life need you.

 

Lizzyx

 

Hi Lizzy.  Sorry you had that experience with the tingling in your face.  Nerve tingling seems to be a very common symptom in acute withdrawal phases after a c/t, or in the months off a benzo taper or rapid detox.  The panic you had that caused you to throw up was probably just that, panic.  For example, when I first got vertigo at three weeks c/t, the sensations of dizziness and being off balance were so foreign to me, that I thought I might be having a stroke.  I had a brief panic where my heart started palpitations, thought I was having a major neurological event.  It turned out to be a much less serious problem, vertigo caused by inner ear imbalance.

 

  Nausea, by the way, can also be a symptom of vertigo and I have read people sometimes become nauseous during or after panic attacks.  My best guess is that you felt the tingling, perhaps some facial tic or something you had not had before and you panicked, setting off the nausea.

 

Yes, hypochondriasis can also be a  side effect for those who are off the benzo relatively recently and unfortunately, those prone to obsessive thinking or OCD, may have this challenge for a longer time.  Fortunately, you are taking ACT therapy, as I recall.  Mindfulness is an excellent way to defuse from some of those panicky "what if" thoughts about health.  You will heal, Lizzy.  It's still very early.  When it comes to benzos, patience is a virtue!  That's my best layman's perspective for you.  You're right, I'm not an MD . 

 

By the way, at six weeks, you're probably past the point of having a seizure, but you can always check with your doctors.  I've heard that some buddies have gotten nerve tingling and/or electric shock type "zaps" after withdrawing from some of the antidepressants.  I think the "brain injury" metaphor is not necessarily a bad one though.  In most cases, I believe benzo brain "dysfunction" is reversible with time.  There is no controlling what happens so nothing to gain in worrying about it, right?

 

V

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Thank you!

 

Are you tapering or off the benzo, Sarafina?  Your signature does not say.  Are you having stomach problems too?

 

Best,

 

Vertigo

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thanks verti

 

I was so hoping you were a shrink then I could stop paying mine 350 bucks an hour lol.  No I didnt panic though I just sat up didnt feel sick at all just threw up and the fear was horrifying it describes a partial seizure from my vast reading it said some parts of the brain when in seizure can have intense fear and vivid memories etc I know what you are saying though its all so tied in and by the way it was months ago so there is no point obsessing about it now really.  I know its early days 6 weeks its been I should just relax and would if I could but thanks anyway.

 

Lizzy

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thanks verti

 

I was so hoping you were a shrink then I could stop paying mine 350 bucks an hour lol.  No I didnt panic though I just sat up didnt feel sick at all just threw up and the fear was horrifying it describes a partial seizure from my vast reading it said some parts of the brain when in seizure can have intense fear and vivid memories etc I know what you are saying though its all so tied in and by the way it was months ago so there is no point obsessing about it now really.  I know its early days 6 weeks its been I should just relax and would if I could but thanks anyway.

Lizzy

 

Hi Lizzy. If you want to send me a few hundred $$, I'll give you my virtual psychiatry office address in cyberspace .  Seriously, no medical advice dispensed here, just some free common sense.  I don't mean to belittle your experience.  I know how scary it can be to have a sudden neurological event (or think you might be having one). 

 

Fear does tend to take over, that's how our body is built.  Sometimes it's our own fear that is more dangerous than the event itself.  People have heart attacks and die after earthquakes which they survived or other traumatic experiences.  What we tell ourselves and how we interpret events can impact our health in so many ways too.

 

Sometimes we can't control our initial physiological reaction (as in heart palpitations or throwing up).  However, we can look back and determine whether our response was natural and the next time something happens, we might have less fear.  An example was at about six months post valium taper, I went upstairs and got to the 2nd floor and started to feel a little light headed which reminded me of the dizziness/vertigo I had a year earlier.  My heart started palpitating and I heard myself/inner thoughts panicking, saying "what if I fall and hit my head" or "what if I have a heart attack?", but then I sat down on my bed and said to myself calmly that I had been checked out by a cardiologist and that I was not likely having a heart attack, no chest pain... I probably had some temporary blood pressure change and that it was likely part of the CNS being off balance in the early months off the benzo.  My heart rate calmed right back down.  Anyway, that's just one example.  You might have some examples of your own how defusion and mindfulness via ACT might help you too. 

 

Time for dinner here!  I'll check back later. 

 

Vertigo

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Hi guys just wanted to see when energy returned for you guys? I

5+ months off right now and so weak and tired with no energy. It's like my eyes are closing on me, it's the same every day!

 

Hi bmwz.

My best energy was when at 10 months off, I exercised every day and started eating very healthy plus no alcohol.  Now at 2 years out and not exercising as much lately, eating less healthy since about last Thanksgiving (gained 12lbs since then  )  and occasional alcohol, energy has been on the downswing, plus I recently was on antibiotics for a sinus infection for two weeks, which seems to have made me particularly tired lately.  I was prone to fatigue before benzos, so whatever funk I've been in the last few weeks is not benzo related.  However, I do suggest regular exercise and abstinance from alcohol if you want to heal more rapidly and consistently.

 

Vertigo

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We're at over 3000 replies and as of today, over 70,000 views on this thread

 

Hows that for OCD, Lizzy . 

 

V

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oh my Verti that is amazing hey see how valuable this service is talk about 3,000 im up for three thousand posts in four months hows that for ocd lol.

 

 

Lizzyx

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oh my Verti that is amazing hey see how valuable this service is talk about 3,000 im up for three thousand posts in four months hows that for ocd lol.

Lizzyx

 

That's a lot of posts, Lizzy.  I've been around three years and only have about 6,000 posts and change.  As for this thread, since I'm leaving forum in a week or so, I wonder if it will remain active after I'm gone. 

 

Vertigo

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oh I know its crazy ocd right there but I was in a very bad place right getting better by the day.

 

Im sure the thread will stay active and the views will just increase thats a given.

 

Lizzy

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Hi Lizzy and any other post benzo buddies out there.  Summer is around the corner here (for us), coming up on winter I imagine for y'all in Australia, strange thing .  May has been a pivotal month for me in the last few years.  It was May, 2008 when I first saw the internist to inquire about valium to take the edge off the jet lag and "worries" about traveling Internationally  with my father (who had recently been diagnosed with cancer and wanted to take a last big trip with his family) and a sibling I don't get along with.  The quack doc gave me a 10mg prescription instead of a 2mg script .  The valium worked great for the trip but I was not warned when I returned, to taper off it slowly.  And because it was also too large a dose to begin with, I ended up with vertigo a few weeks after what became an "accidental c/t".  As most know, I reinstated and began a taper a few months later.

 

About a year after I took that first valium, May, 2009, I had spent a miserable four months tapering down to 2mg.  2009 ended up becoming the worst year of my life.  It was a difficult tapering year that culminated in the Fall, 2009 with my father's near fatal hospitalization (five weeks) that ultimately required that he have 24 hour caregivers in his home.  The stress of finishing my taper at the same time that my father almost met his demise, resulted in many problems and endless arguments with a disturbed sibling.  At the end of 2009, due to extreme stress and fatigue, I got the Shingles virus (in my forties ) which in combination with finishing my taper a month earlier in November 2009, sent my CNS to the stratosphere.

 

By  May, 2010, the shingles had healed and I had been off valium for six months, when I had a mini panic attack after going upstairs one morning.  I had never had a panic attack before valium or during taper .  I was pretty sure it was rebound anxiety and was able to calm myself down, but it was a pivotal scary moment which could have gone the other way.  I had had some elevated blood pressure the previous months (the shingles and taper had done a number on me)  but since I had been checked by a cardiologist, I was not going to let a little mini panic stop me from doing what I wanted to do.  I had just been back to my dad's for his next chemotherapy after he had just had another hospitalization in March .  I also had to supervise a big plumbing repair while there in April 2010, so it was no wonder that I was stressed again in May.  Despite that little panic event in May and some ongoing hypertension that Spring, the summer of 2010 ended up being very active.  It was probably a little too much activity that summer which admittedly led to a setback by August at 9 months off :'(.  After running around and taking on a little too much (drove cross country from Georgia to California to spend a month with my dad, and long drive back ), along with some family conflicts with my sibling while visiting my father, I was back to square one by the end of summer .  I also had started drinking some wine and coffee that summer, which in retrospect was probably too early at six and seven months off.  I embarked on an exercise program that Fall, lost some weight  by end of 2010 and began a healing process all over again.

 

I felt a little guilty about not being as present for my son in that post taper year of 2010, so at the beginning of 2011, I agreed to get a puppy.  After a couple weeks of housebreaking the dog, early morning wake ups, barking, chewing up the house, some intermittent peeing and poo on the carpet... my CNS  ramped up again .  Thus came my 2nd setback, at 14 months off the valium.  I started to feel dizzy a few evenings and anxiety had spiked quite a bit after a week of sleep disturbed nights, but fortunately it subsided and the dog (and I) eventually settled down.

 

By May, 2011, I had lost about 20lbs and wrote my success story at 18 months post taper .  I was feeling about 90%, still had a few stubborn issues that were mostly pre benzo issues that had diminished quite a bit by this time.  There was still some sleep disturbance and anxiety to some degree, but less than before.  I had just been back to my dad's a month earlier in April 2011 and found after a wet winter on the West coast, that his whole roof needed to be replaced .  So I stayed a couple weeks to get roofing estimates and arrange for the roof to be replaced a few months later on my next visit to see him, which was last summer.  I've learned some coping skills and mindfulness has helped manage things pretty well. 

 

Some of the original stressors that were the catalysts to take valium back in 2008 are still present. My elderly father still has cancer, but he's been very fortunate to have several remissions and he survived a few hospitalizations too .  The ongoing repairs on my father's house and conflicts with my sibling have continued .  I barely have any contact with my brother anymore.  I've posted here about feeling my CNS still remains a little fragile at times, especially when traveling to help with my father's health problems or home repair needs.  It also weighs on me that my father may not be around much longer.  He's been extremely lucky to have three or four remissions from the cancer and be able to enjoy a decent quality of life, even with caregivers the last couple of years. 

 

Life goes on and we must do the best we can while we heal.  I've tried to spend more quality time with my son this past year, which included going to some crowded arenas and stadiums and more recently this past Spring, volunteered to coach my son's sports team.  I've posted here about some adrenalin surges that I experienced during the soccer season.  Interestingly, my anxiety has been balanced out with some blues this year .  Is the reward of healing a switch from anxiety to the blues?  I've read where some others have cycled some moods at about 2 years out.  It's frustrating when it happens, but maybe it's a final surge to rebalance out the brain's chemistry towards ultimate healing.  I've never taken an antidepressant and hope not to do so in the future.  I've recently had a two week course of antibiotics which seemed to cause some fatigue after a sinus infection when I returned from my last visit to my father.  Unfortunately, I've gained back about 10lbs since last November/Thanksgiving and some of the blues I suspect are due to some poor eating choices and not exercising enough this year.  So another thing I'll be doing this summer rather than sitting on this forum, will be to get on my exercise bike and lose those extra pounds .  Anyway, those are some of my thoughts on the last few years, as we move through May, 2012.

 

Vertigo

 

 

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Verti your story is amazing Im just wondering curiously as to when you c/t did you feel really bad or was it tolerable.  I guess it wasnt that is why you went back on and your taper did you feel sick with anxiety.  Im assuming you had a little anxiety before.  I know now what Im feeling is a depressed feeling rather than the anxiety I just feel flat.  I know you are a guy but guys cry to did you? 

 

I know that the stuff with your dad is very very stressful and your sibling as well.  I think you are doing and have done great just to stay connected.  Sitting at the forum can be a health hazard in regards to getting to achieve our goal of wellness my psychologist has asked me how sitting on the forum helps me achieve my full potential I then explain to him that it saved my life and Im thankful for it.

 

Yes we are heading to winter here I just stepped outside and its freezing and very windy atm and its night time as well.  How do you define crying in recover and do you know why it happens that we are more emotional even sad when not feeling sad.

 

Money is in the mail by the way let me know if you get it lol.

 

Lizzyx

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Verti your story is amazing Im just wondering curiously as to when you c/t did you feel really bad or was it tolerable.  I guess it wasnt that is why you went back on and your taper did you feel sick with anxiety.  Im assuming you had a little anxiety before.  I know now what Im feeling is a depressed feeling rather than the anxiety I just feel flat.  I know you are a guy but guys cry to did you?  I know that the stuff with your dad is very very stressful and your sibling as well.  I think you are doing and have done great just to stay connected.  Sitting at the forum can be a health hazard in regards to getting to achieve our goal of wellness my psychologist has asked me how sitting on the forum helps me achieve my full potential I then explain to him that it saved my life and Im thankful for it.

 

Yes we are heading to winter here I just stepped outside and its freezing and very windy atm and its night time as well.  How do you define crying in recover and do you know why it happens that we are more emotional even sad when not feeling sad.  Money is in the mail by the way let me know if you get it lol.

Lizzyx

 

Hi Lizzy.  After I did my c/t, the next two weeks involved a gradual escalation in sleep disturbance, agitation, racing thoughts, impulsivity and anxiety.  Those were not pleasant but I suppose, tolerable.  It was the vertigo, falling over on my bed as if I had a stroke, which put me over the edge.  After a trip to the ER, the quack there saw no connection to having gone off valium a few weeks earlier .  Fortunately, I had a smarter ENT who was able to diagnose the situation and refer me to a neurologist who reinstated me.  A few days after reinstatement, the vertigo disappeared .  Can I say for sure that it wouldn't have done so anyway?  I guess I won't ever know. 

 

As for your questions about anxiety.  I reinstated to 5mg valium even though I had been taking between 5 and 7mg valium during that trip, it was mostly 5mg.  It was now August 2008.  Unfortunately, in September 2008, my father got sick again and needed another chemotherapy.  I flew out there and had an increase in anxiety and jet lag, which is when I updosed to 7mg for about a week.  When I returned to Georgia in October 2008, I foolishly dropped back down 2mg  to 5mg.  I happened to have an appointment with my internist the next week and he noticed that I appeared very anxious and was talking rapidly... so he suggested that I could try lexapro.  However, I told him that my "agitation" was from the recent updose and drop from 7 to 5mg and that I was going to go back to 7mg and stabilize.  Remember, I had a neurologist who reinstated me a couple months earlier, so the internist was not too concerned. 

 

When I saw my internist the next time about six months later in February, 2009, he noticed that I was very anxious again.  I had just begun my taper off valium in January so of course I was anxious,  but the internist again suggested lexapro (do these guys get a kick back or what???).  I told him that I was not going to take any new medications until I was off the valium.  Anyway, the anxiety was pretty high after each cut, worst at days 4-7 after the cuts.  I also had sleep disturbance between 2-4AM.  This is similar to the sleep disturbance I had before that big trip in June, 2008 when I first took the valium, so it was quite tolerable.  Yes, I had anxiety before valium (related to my dad's cancer and conflicts with my sibling over home repairs and his care) and I had anxiety and sleep disturbance during taper, after taper and even today.  Yet today's anxiety is easier to deal with after all I've read and learned through ACT and other books on mindfulness such as "Full Catastrophe Living" by Jon Kabat Zinn, which is a classic. 

 

I think it's a balancing act to both get support online at a forum like this one and also motivate oneself to get outdoors, exercise and spend time with one's family.  The forum definitely has it's place, mostly for me in the first year off, because I didn't want to overdo the benzo topic with my wife and I really didn't have many friends who cared to listen to much about it. I did have one friend who was very supportive, another was so unsupportive that I ended up terminating that friendship.  I've mostly been on forum the last year to help some others along while tracking my own slow ongoing healing since last May.  I'll have to come back later to comment on the question about crying and the blues.  Gotta drive carpool this morning!

 

Will check back later Lizzy,

 

Vertigo

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Verti first I will get that book Full Catastrophe Living for sure will order it online tomorrow.  I see yes wonder what the drs get as kickbacks im know for a fact they do..  If only they suggested healthy living first right we would all be better off.  I have a clearer picture what happened now with you it all makes sense and ties in for me.

 

I certainly agree that online support has saved my life for sure oh you know how I was my own doctor said he had not seen anyone as sick as me for a very long time so that made me feel more messed up but knowing he believes me and that i wasnt delusional as he first thought when i said it was the meds making me feel like this I kind of received some validation.  I know what you mean you will never know if you would have recovered or not those are things we just dont know.

 

Your dad is a trooper hey he is an amazing man considering his age do you think things between you and your brother will ever get better.  I know what you mean about the friends yes mine have dwindled however when i was in hospital i made some great friends they were not on benzos but are amazing people who get me and what i went through and im so thankful and I have some that are still around but I havent been talking to them because I just cant right now anyway I will probably be in bed when you get back but again thanks for sharing and will look forward to your crying theory.

 

Lizzyx

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Verti first I will get that book Full Catastrophe Living for sure will order it online tomorrow.  I see yes wonder what the drs get as kickbacks im know for a fact they do..  If only they suggested healthy living first right we would all be better off.  I have a clearer picture what happened now with you it all makes sense and ties in for me.

 

I certainly agree that online support has saved my life for sure oh you know how I was my own doctor said he had not seen anyone as sick as me for a very long time so that made me feel more messed up but knowing he believes me and that i wasnt delusional as he first thought when i said it was the meds making me feel like this I kind of received some validation.  I know what you mean you will never know if you would have recovered or not those are things we just dont know.

 

Your dad is a trooper hey he is an amazing man considering his age do you think things between you and your brother will ever get better.  I know what you mean about the friends yes mine have dwindled however when i was in hospital i made some great friends they were not on benzos but are amazing people who get me and what i went through and im so thankful and I have some that are still around but I havent been talking to them because I just cant right now anyway I will probably be in bed when you get back but again thanks for sharing and will look forward to your crying theory.

Lizzyx

 

Hi Lizzy. Glad I could share a little of my history with you.  I sometimes forget that there are some newer buddies on forum who didn't know my specifics.  I'm glad you were able to sort out the best method for you to get free of the benzo beast.  I know I initially tried to get you to taper more slowly, but it really is an individual decision to make.  In my case, the vertigo was just too much, particularly at a time when I needed to be able to fly and tend to my father's cancer.  So I have no regrets about reinstating.  I agree that the medical profession seems geared towards over prescribing rather than promoting wellness and ways to achieve health without medications.  The fact that my internist wanted to try and "fix my anxiety" by replacing one pill  with another does annoy me.  I think he really believed the lexapro would do some good, but I also believe that he and other doctors rely too much on SSRIs to treat what sometimes turns out to be normal existential pain or loss.  I am glad that you eventually got some validation from your doctor.  I think that is one of the main benefits of a forum like this, is that so many of us did not get validation from our doctors.  I was lucky to have a great ENT and a couple of other benzo wise doctors who validated much of, but not all of my experience. 

 

As for my brother, I don't have high hopes of a reconciliation.  He has been somewhat emotionally disturbed his whole life.  He is paranoid at times, seems to have moderately severe OCD (far worse than what I had after my c/t off valium, and he may have other problems which are undiagnosed.  Not surprising since we both had a very nervous mother who was herself on benzodiazapenes for panic and agoraphobia when we were growing up.  I have little doubt that some of my anxiety was hereditary along with environmental, having been raised by a very nervous parent.  The world was largely perceived to be unsafe and I learned to fear many things that others would not "worry" about.  My late mother's parents were murdered when she was a child so her anxiety was understandable in many regards.  Getting back to my brother though, he has been quite angry when I fly out to help my father.  He is a jealous type and has made waves whenever I have flown out there to help, maybe it makes him look bad since he doesn't seem to find the time despite living an hour away from my dad .  It's as if I have become the prodigal son, which is sometimes a difficult role to live up to. 

 

Yet here it is May, 2012 and my father is still alive and kicking .  It's not been an easy five or six years, Lizzy (regardless of the benzo ordeal) but you gotta deal with whatever life throws at you. As my father approaches 90, I know that he will not live forever.  I will eventually need to cope with his demise and without a mind numbing pill to get through it.  Hopefully it will not happen for a few more years but it's out of my control.  Dealing with an angry sibling after my father dies, may not be an easy task either.  Full Catastrophe Living is an excellent book which I think you will enjoy.  In some ways, the last few years have been instructive and a learning experience.  Hopefully one day you will also be able to look back on this with an optimistic perspective. It's still early for you in the process.  I know I said I would write something about the crying, but I find myself again running out of time.  I'll check back later and try to address that topic.  Meanwhile, perhaps others can weigh in.

 

 

Vertigo

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