Post Benzo Freedom Withdrawal Support Group

[[ve...]]

Thought I'd make a few comments about crying since I said I would, Lizzy .  I am not one who wears my emotions on my sleeve.  Quite honestly, I've probably had an all out "good cry" twice in the last five years, once on the morning that I had to put my dog down and the other when my father was diagnosed with cancer.  Maybe it's a male thing .  I do think that crying can be very healthy much like exercise can sweat out toxins.  I wish I could cry more often, to release pent up emotions.  When I get blue, it's not to the point of crying. It's usually more of a flat apathetic low energy feeling than a very strong sadness that would make me cry.  I do find that exercise, while it may be the last thing I might feel like doing at such times, actually can have a big impact on those inert feelings that sometimes come up.  I suppose it's different for everyone as to how the blues might impact them.  It seems like getting outdoors for some sunshine can also help, maybe it's the vitamin D or something about the fresh air.

 

Well, here's a good cry for you Lizzy :'( :'( :'( (sorry, it's all I could muster  )

 

Vertigo

[[an...]]

Vertigo, I was a newbie that had never heard your whole story.  Wow, you have been throght a lot.  I admire your strength and determination.  As for wishing you could cry- I will gladly give you one of my two or so sessions a day!  That and anger seem to be the two things I deal with on a regular basis.  I can go into a rage which I was in for the last two days. And I can tear up and get weepie at anything.  The other emotion I get is I don't want to do this!!! 

[[ve...]]

Vertigo, I was a newbie that had never heard your whole story.  Wow, you have been throght a lot.  I admire your strength and determination.  As for wishing you could cry- I will gladly give you one of my two or so sessions a day!  That and anger seem to be the two things I deal with on a regular basis.  I can go into a rage which I was in for the last two days. And I can tear up and get weepie at anything.  The other emotion I get is I don't want to do this!!! 

 

Ok Angelluv, I'll take some of your crying jags off your hands .  Seriously, I do feel like it can be a good way to reboot oneself.  Anger is sometimes said to be a cover for sadness, but hard to know what is going on all the time.  I have noticed this past year that I sometimes have less patience for jerks or jerky behavior, whether from a stranger or a family member.  Maybe it's part of getting older and fed up with the way the world is sometimes.

 

Have a great weekend,

 

Vertigo

[[an...]]

I see what yu mean about the anger being part of the sadness.  I am having trouble getting support from my two sisters, who I used to be VERY close too.  Saw my therapist and she said because of my anger I am burning people out and pushing them away.  Well, they are my sisters and I haven't heard from them- they both HURT me very badly in the last few months and they know what is going on with me- they even both bought Bliss's book so they could understand!  I have asked them both to reread the caregiver/support part of the book again. I am not the same person I used to be, I am not the big fun, happy go lucky sister I was.  Like I said I am either angry, sad or my other emotion is I just dont want to be here.  But do they call to see how I am doing, no. . . . THAT is one reason I am sad.  I feel like I have no support.  We moved so all the poeple I used to know, especially women friends I no longer see.  I am usually alone all day while hubby is at work.  He is very patieint and supportive of me but is not a woman.  Girls need girlfriends to just be silly with.  I miss that.  I am glad that my best friend since we were 12, we are now 56 is coming to visit me next week, she lives very far away and is making the trip just to see me.  That is enough to put a smile on my face for the day.  Only problem is she smokes.  I quit 6 years ago, except for an ocassional cheat when I see her and my folks who still smoke at 77 and 82!  I will be sooo tempted but know I shouldn't- it is just such a habit with her and it is just such a part of what we do together.  Just know I dont need anythiong reving me up.  I think I can get through it.  Wish me luck!

[[ve...]]

I am sorry to read about the lack of support you have had from you two sisters, Angelluv.  I suppose there could be some truth in your therapists analysis, but we expect more from our family and they should be there for you in your time of need.  Well, at least they are not riling you up and attacking you emotionally or abusing you verbally (like my sibling).  I suppose neglecting you or not calling you can be a different sort of pain.  That sounds great to have your childhood friend visit .  It may be tricky about the cigarette smoking though.  How long will she visit for?  I wonder if you can take a few drags for old times sake  and not get into restarting that habit with smoking entire cigarettes?  You're probably right that it could rile your system back up.  I'm sure you'll have a great time.

 

Vertigo

[Guest [...]]

Vertigo

 

Your story about your mum breaks my heart I have said this before no wonder the poor woman felt unsafe in the world and therefore was protective.  I fear I have brought my boys up the same way however I just asked my youngest and he is like mmm why would you think that they are both very well adjusted given the circumstances I do pride myself on my parenting though and am glad my focus during their lives have been on them and not myself until now of course.

 

It doesnt sound like things will get better atm with you and your brother sometimes sibling rivalry goes wild and he as you say probably has issues of his own.  Im so glad things are going well with your dad he is amazing.  Thanks for the crying bit im sure its because you are a guy lol well today I feel heaps better funny i thought i was going downhill again its just not going to happen.

 

Angelluv

 

if you see this come and hang out sometime at my blog would love to have your company if you cry a lot come join me we have lots of criers over there.

 

Lizzyx

[[pu...]]

Hi I am almost 31 months Xanax free and am still severely struggling...heart palps...anxiety...muscle weakness...legs feel like jello....eyes are very blurry...vertigo....stomach issues...so tired and weak...I feel like a rag doll...my eyes are so heavy they feel like someone poured thousands of buckets of sand in the,...my skin itches......please will this ever end...since coming off have never ever had a good day...lots of muscle weakness and stiffness!!

[[ve...]]

Vertigo Your story about your mum breaks my heart I have said this before no wonder the poor woman felt unsafe in the world and therefore was protective.  I fear I have brought my boys up the same way however I just asked my youngest and he is like mmm why would you think that they are both very well adjusted given the circumstances I do pride myself on my parenting though and am glad my focus during their lives have been on them and not myself until now of course.  It doesnt sound like things will get better atm with you and your brother sometimes sibling rivalry goes wild and he as you say probably has issues of his own.  Im so glad things are going well with your dad he is amazing.  Thanks for the crying bit im sure its because you are a guy lol well today I feel heaps better funny i thought i was going downhill again its just not going to happen.

Lizzyx

 

It's not easy as a teen to see one's mum/mother go through a deterioration in mental, emotional and physical health.  I'm glad you got off the poison pills, Lizzy.  I really to believe that all those pills caused my mother so much turmoil that it led to her early death.  The rebound anxiety, the tolerance withdrawal, the cornucopia of antidepressants and benzos led to her demise, pretty sure.  I think in a year you will be looking back on this and very glad that it will be behind you.  As for my brother, he was impacted by what our mother went through too, but he was also emotionally unstable from an early age, but that's another story.

 

Cheers,

 

Vertigo

[[ve...]]

Hi I am almost 31 months Xanax free and am still severely struggling...heart palps...anxiety...muscle weakness...legs feel like jello....eyes are very blurry...vertigo....stomach issues...so tired and weak...I feel like a rag doll...my eyes are so heavy they feel like someone poured thousands of buckets of sand in the,...my skin itches......please will this ever end...since coming off have never ever had a good day...lots of muscle weakness and stiffness!!

 

Hi Putter.  Sorry you are still struggling with so many symptoms.  A few questions.  Did you c/t or taper off the xanax?  Was it your first time or did you taper off xanax or other benzos before?  Are you currently taking any other medications?  Do you have any other diagnosed health problems?

 

Vertigo

[Guest [...]]

This is going to sound really weird Verti so get ready for this.

 

I feel love for your mother I didnt know her but I feel that her story has made me stronger does that make sense to you.

 

Oh I know Im going to be better than ever I can feel my recovery but it is only 6 weeks I need to just go with the flow and I will recover.

 

Lizzyx

[[an...]]

Yes, yu will Lizzy, just take it day by day- I think about you often.  Angelluv

[Guest [...]]

Thanks angelluv

 

we all will my friend just a matter of time.  I think of you to lets stay in touch more often hey.

 

Lizzyx

[[ve...]]

This is going to sound really weird Verti so get ready for this. I feel love for your mother I didnt know her but I feel that her story has made me stronger does that make sense to you.  Oh I know Im going to be better than ever I can feel my recovery but it is only 6 weeks I need to just go with the flow and I will recover.

Lizzyx

 

Thanks Lizzy.  It doesn't sound weird to me.  We are all connected in some way or another.  Hopefully what my mother suffered can help others to feel inspired to stick with the program and stay off the benzodiazapene poison. These "medicines" were not meant to be used long term.  My mother was cheated in life, never got to see her sons marry or know any grandchildren.  She lost much from listening to whacko crazed psychiatrists.  I'm not saying all are whacko, but the ones my mother saw put her slowly in the grave and took her away from us prematurely .

 

 

Vertigo

[Guest [...]]

oh yeah I so agree they did rob her of her life there is no doubt in my mind but they will not rob us of ours we are on to it Verti

 

Its late here I need to get off this thing.  I did take the dog for a walk/run today so Im happy with that had fear all day but all in all quite a good day.

 

Lizzyx

[[ve...]]

oh yeah I so agree they did rob her of her life there is no doubt in my mind but they will not rob us of ours we are on to it Verti  Its late here I need to get off this thing.  I did take the dog for a walk/run today so Im happy with that had fear all day but all in all quite a good day.

Lizzyx

 

You're right Lizzy.  We're on to it is right! I sometimes think how silly it was for me to even think valium could help me on that trip a few years ago.  I knew what benzos did to my mum, but it didn't occur to me that a couple weeks use could cause such a dependency.  I was not intending to take them long term, just a short trip overseas.  Little did I know that one could be impacted after 2-3 weeks of use .  Oh well, live and learn.  I think CZ on the OCD thread needs to accept that the clocks can't be turned back and there's no point to beating oneself up.  So many of us trusted our doctors and simply got bad advice.  They're human too, I suppose .  Some don't always act so, but there are good and bad eggs in all professions.  Glad to hear you got out with your hound.  I need to take mine out this weekend.  What time is it over there?  It's 7AM here.

 

Cheers,

 

V

[Guest [...]]

9pm Saturday night my friend.

 

Yes my dr is nice but said the other day he is not benzo wise at all and im like wth you just dropped me of all that stuff and now you tell me you didnt know what you were doing.  oh my anyway its done now.  cz needs to acknowledge he has a health obsession/phobia and its freaking him out poor fellow.  Its easy to think when we go through this that we are permanently damaged but we just arent.  I to wish I had never taken anything my life has copped a hiding from this as has yours I mean who wants to spend their days on a forum but when your bored sick and isolated you just do.  Its going to be a hole in your life as well moving on but jaso and the crew moved on to I guess there comes a time.  Im going to be lingering here a while yet but I hope that by next year ill be off living life again.

 

Lizzyx

[[ve...]]

9pm Saturday night my friend.

 

Yes my dr is nice but said the other day he is not benzo wise at all and im like wth you just dropped me of all that stuff and now you tell me you didnt know what you were doing.  oh my anyway its done now.  cz needs to acknowledge he has a health obsession/phobia and its freaking him out poor fellow.  Its easy to think when we go through this that we are permanently damaged but we just arent.  I to wish I had never taken anything my life has copped a hiding from this as has yours I mean who wants to spend their days on a forum but when your bored sick and isolated you just do.  Its going to be a hole in your life as well moving on but jaso and the crew moved on to I guess there comes a time.  Im going to be lingering here a while yet but I hope that by next year ill be off living life again.

Lizzyx

 

You will be well again, Lizzy.  I can feel you are going to do this for your sons, if not for yourself, hopefully both!  And I have a feeling you will be of much help to others once you are healed.  Maybe you'll stick around a while like Jaso and I and some others have to pay it forward a bit.  There are so few out there who truly "get" what some of us have had to deal with.  It's sad that so many doctors are still not knowledgeable but hopefully more will be better educated in the future.

 

Have a good rest of the weekend,

 

Vertigo

[[pu...]]

Vertigo...This is a very touching story about your mother Thanks for sharing....these drugs are very destructive and have broken up many families and have caused much heartache......I lost one of my my friends because she was such a mess from Benzos that she took her own life...just breaks my heart every time I think of what these drugs do to people and their loved ones Vertigo I was on Xanax 3 times a day for 21 months. My Doctor gave me a tapper plan and I followed it for 11 weeks then was done with Xanax completely. I do not know if this was too fast to come off of like this but was just doing what I was instructed. I am only on synthyroid once a day for thyroid problems other than that I am not on any medicines. I just can not get better:( Is this normal to still feel this bad this far out?

[[ve...]]

v

[[ve...]]

Vertigo...This is a very touching story about your mother Thanks for sharing....these drugs are very destructive and have broken up many families and have caused much heartache......I lost one of my my friends because she was such a mess from Benzos that she took her own life...just breaks my heart every time I think of what these drugs do to people and their loved ones Vertigo I was on Xanax 3 times a day for 21 months. My Doctor gave me a tapper plan and I followed it for 11 weeks then was done with Xanax completely. I do not know if this was too fast to come off of like this but was just doing what I was instructed. I am only on synthyroid once a day for thyroid problems other than that I am not on any medicines. I just can not get better:( Is this normal to still feel this bad this far out?

 

Hi Putter.  I am not a doctor but I would suspect that your recovery has been complicated by your thyroid problems.  Hormone imbalance may impact withdrawal which may in part be a reaction to various chemical, neurotransmitter and hormonal imbalances.    Some of what you may be dealing with may not be "withdrawal" or "benzo related" but to answer your question, it is not uncommon to have CNS issues several years post benzo, particularly when there may be other health problems involved.  About a month after my taper ended, I had some very stressful things going on with regard to my father's cancer and other family conflicts.  I ended up getting Shingles.  I have no doubt that the shingles and weakened immune system caused a kind of one/two punch that made my recovery more complicated and perhaps extended it as well.

 

Hope you get some relief soon,

 

Vertigo

[[ve...]]

Have a great weekend post benzo buddies

 

Vertigo

[Guest [...]]

Verti

 

 

I have a sore throat, runny nose and well I dont feel good at all could this be benzo related lolz im joking i have a cold.  I think you need to get online and get one of those Dr degrees seriously haha.  You have a good weekend to I will sit here with my box of tissues under the blankets on the lounge like I need this like a hold in the head. 

 

Thanks I will get better for sure its how I roll no stopping my upregulating receptors thats for sure.

 

Lizzyx

[[an...]]

Feel better soon Lizzy!

[Guest [...]]

thanks sweety its no big deal compared to the benzo beast.

 

hope you are well

 

Lizzyxx

[[ne...]]

Vertigo, you have been so encouraging to everyone on Benzo Buddies!!  What an amazing and supportive thread this has been.  Wow, people on here will sure miss your advise!  Although I have not been active on the forum, I have gained such knowledge from your posts over my withdrawal period.

 

Thank you so much for all you have done to help everyone!  Just so you know, you have made a significant difference in my time off and helped me so much with all my crazy symptoms!  Thank you from the bottom of my heart Vertigo and good luck to you in the years ahead.  I hope you will drop in and mentor people as you have such a way with words and can really connect with people. 

 

I can't help feeling bittersweet with you leaving.  So happy that you are moving on to your life and being well but sad that such a contributing caring member will no longer be here.  Continue to grow in every way Vertigo.  You deserve the best!