why cant she just pull herself together and go to work

[[Wi...]]

As has been said many times there is no guarantee or assurance of anything in wd.  The past and present do not predict the future in wd.

 

I do know all too well about the thoughts of darkness and death. I lived there for a very very long time. 

[[Be...]]

Oh i know.....so i guess we can say me feeling this shitty now doesnt predict anything. There is a chance of everything.

[[ea...]]

The odds are definitely in your favor, sweetie.

Your feeling so bad right now is just a phase, and every minute, you are healing, even though you cant feel it.

east

[[Be...]]

I just need to be reassured all the time because i have no windows and the dark death. Cloud is with me all the time feels so permanent and you were suicidal most of the day?

The guy in the videos is in a dark world. That the word i am in a dark world all the time.

[[Be...]]

So month 8 starts today and i woke up to hell.

My endurance is going by the minute. I dont even see a reason to endure this anymore....

There is no way i can endurw this anymore without relief. I am sorry.

[Guest [Ti...]]

Are you still on depakote? Is it helping at all?!!!

[[Be...]]

I am on nothing. Since months on nothing. I can do this its too tortureous. This isnt normal anymore. I swear

[Guest [Ti...]]

I am on nothing. Since months on nothing. I can do this its too tortureous. This isnt normal anymore. I swear

 

When you were on the depakote was it helping? I mean did you CT and then go on depakote? I need off this crap it's torturing me.

[[Be...]]

See my timeline no it didnt help. Nothing is hwlping me i cant do this anymore. I just cant

[Guest [Ti...]]

See my timeline no it didnt help. Nothing is hwlping me i cant do this anymore. I just cant

 

 

Go check yourself in some place where you will be safe if you feel like you can't do it anymore. Seriously do it.

[[Be...]]

They wont make it any easier. Ive been there enough i cant go back there. My life is ruined.

[Guest [Ti...]]

They wont make it any easier. Ive been there enough i cant go back there. My life is ruined.

 

I know how you feel.... trust me I do. Your life is not worth these drugs though nobodies is, refuse to become a statistic.

[[Be...]]

I have been dping this for 7 whole months with no relief. I dont care anymore. This is to much.

[Guest [Ti...]]

I have been dping this for 7 whole months with no relief. I dont care anymore. This is to much.

 

I've been doing this for 9 months now with no relief and even a CT. I know exactly how you feel.

[[Be...]]

You are still tapering now? I cant take the torture sadness and darkness in my dark world anymore. I just cant. I did a cold turkey.

I want my life back and i can not do this for months anymore i just cant its not possible Not for me

[[Ch...]]

I've had a year of this. Some of it on the drugs and some of it off the drugs. I'm on nothing now.

 

I may be getting glimmers of healing now. After six months, the crying spells have finally stopped. My energy levels are increasing. My brain zaps are a lot better. I mostly get those first thing in the morning now. I have a very long way to go but I think I may be experiencing subtle signs of healing. I guess if I was not, I wouldn't be saying that I was.

 

My med history is worse than yours, benzomamas daughter. It's worse. I had a severe adverse reaction to citalopram including akathisia but stayed on the drug because it wasn't picked up and I didn't know what was happening. I was on valium here and there too and that drug really didn't help me. I felt awful on it and looking back, I know it caused loads of my symptoms. So both drugs were attacking me. I then came off those and went onto seroquel and zoloft. I reacted terribly to those too. I was going absolutely insane and ended up in a psych hospital where they upped my doses and made me sicker. I took ativan on and off over 4 months and even sporadic use was enough for me to hit tolerance. Some days I took it two days running and a few times a week. The last time I had it, I took 1.5 mg. I as good as cold turkeyed 5 drugs in six months.

 

I completely know that feeling of no relief ever. I live and breathe it every day. But I do think I'm beginning to get a little better. I too have had the thoughts that I will never ever recover. But people DO recover all the time.

 

One day, you will get a bit of relief. You might laugh at something. You might feel less dark in the head. Healing will happen.

 

Time is right. None of us can let these drugs win. We all have too much life ahead of us. You are you younger than me. I am 49 and in menopause on top of all this so your chances are better.

 

Take care, remember that all you are feeling are symptoms. Feeling like it will never end is a symptom. I know you feel like you can't stand it another second. I have felt like this so many times in the last year. Every day, all the time. But we do keep going and we must. It will be worth it in the end.

 

Sending a hug, and to you, Time.

[[Be...]]

I wanted to have kids. Will never be ablebto do that. I am not waiting for 1-2 yeara for a future of nothing. I really can not endure this anymore. My torture is so bad i think i am dying of my feelings.

[Guest [Ti...]]

You are still tapering now? I cant take the torture sadness and darkness in my dark world anymore. I just cant. I did a cold turkey.

I want my life back and i can not do this for months anymore i just cant its not possible Not for me

 

Yep got thrown back  on because I lost my damn mind and I am still paradoxical and in hell.

[Guest [Ti...]]

I wanted to have kids. Will never be ablebto do that. I am not waiting for 1-2 yeara for a future of nothing. I really can not endure this anymore. My torture is so bad i think i am dying of my feelings.

 

I want to have kids too, you will have them I will have them... one day this will be a horrible nightmare that we came out of... we have to believe it even though it's hard to believe. Like I said before I've seen with my very own eyes someone HEALED in person that suffered greatly, horrifically and without the help of any other drugs at any point in time with the exception of propranolol.

[[Be...]]

I am 35 and dont even have the man to it anymore....my time is running out. I seriously can not endure this anymore. I feel like i am dying from my feelings they are killing me every second. I can not take another day like this. I dont know how. I do lots of stuff really i do. I only want to die while doing them. And i know i will not make it much longer like this, i know it. And i dont even want to anymore, thats the worst part. I really dont want to. Life inst that great to endure this for so long. I feel like i am death in person

[[Ch...]]

I have felt like you for so long but the last week I can feel a slight shift. I have miles to go but I do feel a little bit better. I never thought I would.

 

You could be close to your first window. You're hit hard but you could get one at any time.

 

Those things you want can come to you in time.

 

I don't think you have to DO anything to recover. I think it will just happen on its own. You may wake up one morning and just feel a bit more capable.

 

Time mentioned propranolol. I've taken that a couple of times and it took the edge off it. I'm considering going on it.

 

I know you can't see any hope. I will hope FOR you.

[[Ch...]]

By the way, you were worried about antipsychotics. I know someone who was on seroquel for five years. She's been off a while and is nearly healed now. She was polydrugged for 20 years.

[[Be...]]

I guess everyone is different. I am very scared i am damaged. The thing is. I can not settle for anything but 100% anymore. I am done with this freak show if i can not live my life i wont.

[[pe...]]

It's going to take time, but it will end. Your job is to let each day pass until that happens. Your job is to just stay in this moment and them it's gone and you're already into the next. That's your work right now, let each minute pass and when time is behind you, you will be healed. Thinking about the future only makes the time go more slowly. Stay in the present and the time will pass and your body will heal.

 

I have very good, smart doctors. They talk with each other about my case even though they've never met, work on other sides of the city I live in. One of them called me yesterday to check in and remind me that the consensus is that THIS IS NOT PERMANENT.  It's just a matter if time. Let the time pass. Everything will be possible when you heal, it's hard to see that now because the benzos play tricks on you. This thinking is a symptom. You will get better. All you have to do is get through one minute, hour, day at a time. If you can't do this by yourself, then please go somewhere safe so others can help you stay safe as you pass this time.

 

Blessings to you.

[[ea...]]

"It's going to take time, but it will end. Your job is to let each day pass until that happens. Your job is to just stay in this moment and them it's gone and you're already int,o the next. That's your work right now, let each minute pass and when time is behind you, you will be healed. Thinking about the future only makes the time go more slowly. Stay in the present and the time will pass and your body will heal. "

 

This is beautifullu said and every word is true. It may feel unbearable now, but it wont forever. We all play a waiting game, we pass the time, holding onto our belief and hope that we will heal like others have. Yes, you CAN stand it, germangirl. You are NOT worse than anyone else, you are NOT crazy and you have NOT lost everything. You are on a temporary hold with the things you want to be doing, yes. I guess its sort of like when a person goes to school. They have goals and plans but all must wait until school is done. Your life will resume, and you will find ways to do the things you want. These days, women have babies at 55 years old, for heavens sake! Why would you be the only one who couldn't?

You are only temporarily damaged. I was, too. You will return to being the person you were before, but a whole lot wiser, and probably better at a lot of things. I see absolutley no reason why things would be different for you! You are a human being like everyone else here, and your brain will eventually heal.It just takes some of us longer than others...and believe me, you will not set any records.

As peace2 said, it will take time but it will end. You must keep trying to distract yourself, no matter how silly and impossible it seems to you right now. Live minute to minute, in survival mode. An d yes, try to put your dreams on hold, don't think about your future right now. Your future WILL happen, if you allow it to.

east