why cant she just pull herself together and go to work

[[pe...]]

I also want to say, I have the children you long for. Imagine that for a moment and then be blessed. The children you WILL have will not have to go through this pain with you. My children are 6 and 3. This started when they were 1 and 4. Their young selves have lived with an empty frightened vessel of a mother for two years, there is at least a subtle imprint of fear and sadness inside of them. We will all heal in time. But you and your future children have received a pass as far as I'm concerned. Take this time as a gift to heal, to never have to go through this again so that you can look with love and courage at your own children. You will get better and all of your dreams will be sweeter.

 

Peace

[[Be...]]

Thanks guys.

This is the worst day i had so far. I am dead. I can not move to distract. I am so at the end of my strenght. I have never been so near dead as today. I guess there are just exceptions always.

[[ea...]]

 

Perhaps today would be a good day to start a blog...? Gives you a great place to vent, and its distraction too. Most of us had had "days like that", where things were too bleak to try to distract. But, in a way, its those days when we need to try the hardest.

Depression can be like quicksand: if you stay in one place, it swallows you up. Only by moving can you avoid that trap.

 

[move]Always keep moving, always keep trying, and always have faith in your healing.

 

east

 

[[Om...]]

I was on Ativan for 6 months .....then went on Seroquel ....for 12 months ....and then i went through hell getting off Seroquel by revising a way to use other meds to do that ...now i am on a very small dose of Haldol and some Lyrica ....i am faintly better ...but it has been 15 months now ....now the worst part in all of this (and probably the cause of all the other symptoms) is Insomnia and sleep disturbance ....if Insomnia and better sleep is promoted before all else, then recovery will happen faster

[[Be...]]

If i feel good on antipsychotics i think it says it all.

There is no way i can distract or endure this any longer. No way.

I spend half my days breathinf with my eyes closed because i cant open them to this hell. The protracted forum in mostly cold turkey people.

[[po...]]

I don't think this thread is helping you very much - it is just encouraging your circular obsessional thoughts (which you cannot do anything about, except try and float under them, for a while).

 

I had to learn to live with suicidal ideation for years and years so I know it is it not impossible.  I am not going to come back to this thread for a while,but I wish you the best.

 

Nobody can help you except yourself, I had to learn that too………

 

[[ea...]]

Anti psychotics don't just work on psychotic people!!! Get that thought out of your head. They are called that only because they seemed to help some psychotic people. They also have a tranquilizing, anti anxiety effect on other, non psychotic people. Having them help you does NOT prove you are psychotic.

Please re-read Polentas message to you. She makes several excellent points:

1. Try to float under/around your obsessional, negative thoughts

2. It IS possible to live with these thoughts

3. Only YOU can help yourself. We can only give you ideas but if you don't really try to use them, they are worthless.

 

I, too, wish you all the best. I am not giving up on you, but its past time for you to start really trying to use the things we have suggested. Excuses don't count in this - only action does. These may be hard lessons to learn - they were for me, too. But isn't it worth the effort, if it starts to help you?

east

[[Be...]]

I dont think i am psychotic at all. I am trying to say if the antipsychotic harmed me its the only thing that helps me. You know what i mean?

[[Mo...]]

Hi German girl, i haven't forgotten you, in a way i am suffering with you,

want you to get better soon.

but, ich kenn mich nicht mehr aus , thats why i can't say much.

please forgive.

[[Be...]]

Ich kenne mich auch nicht mehr aus. Mein zustand scheint nicht mehr "normal"

[[Mo...]]

WWW, Polenta and Eastcoast have given you some good advise.

i would read their posts again and push through , however hard

it may seem at the moment.

[[Be...]]

Yes i know. No other choice. Du hast ja auch seroquel genommen. Did it help you?

[[Mo...]]

Yes i know. No other choice. Du hast ja auch seroquel genommen. Did it help you?

 

For 6 weeks yes, before i'd done my research. may be it helped a little for insomnia

at the time. but i prefered to push through without any meds , my sleep returned

to normal after 11 months off. (7-9 hours).

hard work, und lange Ausdauer but it was worth it.

[[Be...]]

Ok. What did you mean by ich kenne mich nicht mehr aus?

[[Mo...]]

Ok. What did you mean by ich kenne mich nicht mehr aus?

 

Nichts Schlimmes, i am a different case, my main sxs were and are physical nature

thats all. Others have more experience.

[[Wi...]]

If i feel good on antipsychotics i think it says it all.

There is no way i can distract or endure this any longer. No way.

I spend half my days breathinf with my eyes closed because i cant open them to this hell. The protracted forum in mostly cold turkey people.

That you feel good on antipsychotics means nothing.  The protracted forum is NOT mostly cold turkey.  There are a lot of things in this that are beyond your control.  But from what you write you are also giving up control of the few things for which you have control.  There is no question this is a horrible situation for you and you have every right for all of the self pity you are showing.  But I just think as a result you are making a very hard thing, even harder.

 

WWWI

[[ea...]]

If i feel good on antipsychotics i think it says it all.

There is no way i can distract or endure this any longer. No way.

I spend half my days breathinf with my eyes closed because i cant open them to this hell. The protracted forum in mostly cold turkey people.

 

 

Sounds to me like you are saying that you're psychotic because these drugs are helping. And Im still unclear on why you think antipsychotics harmed you. It seems the consensus on this thread is that you describe benzo withdrawal symptoms, but you don't seem to agree. Am I misunderstanding?

And the protracted thread is NOT mostly CT people. In fact, its just the opposite, in my opinion. I am a member of that group, and offhand I think Im only one of a handful of other CT folks.

east

[[Be...]]

I dont know where my head is anymore. I guess benzo wd symptoms fit many discriptions. I read on a german site on antipsychotics that they ruin dopaminreceptors which causes life to be a suicidal torture and if i take them i dont feel like that, thats what i mean.

I just read on a other thread that protracted board has many c/t i dont know i avoid to go there.

I am so sorry for being like this.

[[ea...]]

Well, this is why your mother stepped in and restricted what you read on the Internet. There's just so much wrong stuff out there, along with the true stuff and its impossible for most people to figure out what IS true.

 

Okay. I want to understand. You say the antipsychotic is helping you, yet your posts do not reflect this at all. Please explain so I don't misunderstand you. How is it helping you?

east

[[Be...]]

Ok. I am not taking it now i havent taken anything for a lobg time. I was given seroquel once in hospital after i had taken the promethazine for 4 weeks. The one time i took the seroquel i felt perfectly myself. So my thought is the promethazine which also is a antipsychotic did something thats why a antipsychtic helped me.

[[ea...]]

It is a very weak antipsychotic, as I ve already said. And you only took it 4 weeks. Hardly enough to cause your symptoms, in my opinion. And how exactly did it help you? Make you less anxious? That's usually what its given for, that and nausea.

Maybe its time for you let this idea go, and focus on more positive things. Is that possible for you to try?

east

[[Be...]]

You are not understandig what i am trying to say.I was given promethazin for my withdrawal for 4 weeks. Then they stopped. I was feeling like shit like i am now. Then they gave me seroquel to helpme feel better and i felt absolutley myself. I didnt want to take any more meds so i didnt take it anymore. I then felt horrible again.

[[ea...]]

No, actually I DID understand.

You took Seroquel only once, and felt fine. You took Promethazine for 4 weeks and it didn't help. How do you know it was the Seroquel that made you feel "absolutely" yourself??

east

[[Ju...]]

You are not understandig what i am trying to say.I was given promethazin for my withdrawal for 4 weeks. Then they stopped. I was feeling like shit like i am now. Then they gave me seroquel to helpme feel better and i felt absolutley myself. I didnt want to take any more meds so i didnt take it anymore. I then felt horrible again.

 

GermanGirl, I believe IF these two medicines made you feel better, they might have just 'covered up' your existing benzo withdrawal somewhat.  And when you stopped them, the withdrawal that was already there, just resurfaced again.  This has happened to many buddies.

 

 

[[Be...]]

East: what else made me feel better right after i took it? I wasnt taking anything else....i dont know anymore.

 

Juliea: i dont know anything anymore i am just so freaked.

Sorry

 

I just thought what damaged me makes me feel good. Most people who take seroquel in benzo wd dont feel healed if they take it. I did.

God i am so sorry