The jumping buddies group

[[...]]

Big I hope you feel better soon!!

 

[[Bu...]]

Poor you, Big that sucks. This is just a thought. I'm not a medic but could the sickness be causing acid reflux. Would an ant acid help. I've used them occasionally with the heartburn I get in the night!

 

I know that jittery feeling. I've had it too.

 

B. XXX

 

Your doing so well to keep going.

[[Sa...]]

Hey NSH, I realized after I typed there was an elephant reference too. It was a great article on tears. They seem to mess me up instead of helping though...

 

Good morning...not really...I took the Unisom and slept for 9 hours altogether. Not straight through, up several times. Still, I'll take it. I unleashed a torrent of potty mouth on my blog last night and I'm not sorry!

 

Hands down this is the worst I've felt physically. Mentally I'm fine. I really shouldn't have moved my daughter but hey, hindsight is always better, right!

 

Big, I just want to give you a huge hug. Don't look back. I don't do that. I was never capable of the kind of patience for a long taper. I'm truthfully not regretting any of my decisions. The one line that always stood out to me was about true healing beginning when the poison was out of our system.

 

Managing to work during this is very difficult. I agree. I have to dress up for work. Truthfully it gives me a mental boost. I do hair and haven't had a haircut myself since I began my taper.

 

You know, I had a big break in the third week. Just saying this to give you hope...the edginess slowed down a bit. The reprieve was exactly what I needed. I hope the same happens for you.

 

Missed you yesterday G! Glad you're still well. You and Nova are the voices of calm and far enough out to help carry us through these early days...it means a lot I want to post Big hopefully you'll see this before sleep.

 

One day at a a time 

 

 

[[Bi...]]

Talking of tears...sob. But these are nice tears.

Thanks buddies. I have calmed down a bit. I will be strong again tomorrow. I'm off to sleep now, I have the feeling that I have just been tucked in. Will one of you get the light. Zzzzzz

[[Sa...]]

Hi Buddy, you should be proud of working with a bunch of six year olds. They probably make you smile and smiling always makes the day better!

 

I read something about bananas being helpful, was it from you? I haven't had the mouth and nausea issues, so far I should add. Everyday brings a new surprise, right! Either way, I hope the smaller meals and snacking prove to be the key for you.

 

Have to check the other threads and get moving. Too much to do today. Mornings are generally best for me. Since this one is pretty grim I have to get an early start...

 

Just saw your post Big, glad you saw the message before sleeping and you're feeling more calm. Tommorrow is another day. Wishing you peaceful sleep

[[Bu...]]

Hope you have a lovely day, Saga and sweet dreams Big. I am thinking of you while you sleep.

 

Love B.

[[...]]

Saga, spent the entire day at the coast with my husband, did some fishing, went to lunch, had a nice drive! It was such a great day!

 

I find I am going from being fearful of going out to irritated now with staying in. I'm wanting to do more!

 

You are doing great and healing is happening!!

 

:smitten:

[[Bu...]]

Saga, I wish you a great day! As you say today is a new day. You must feel better after all that sleep. Nine hours is pretty impressive. I had 6 plus 1 1/2 bananas. I think I will turn into a banana, the amount I've eaten.

 

G. You are giving me hope. I am due for a holiday with the family in Wales at the end of August and I am hoping I will be well enough to enjoy it.

 

Love B.

[[...]]

Oh B, I hope you get it soon!! You deserve to feel better!!

 

[[go...]]

I jumped about two weeks ago and it feels empowering!!

 

I jumped when I had a window come my way.  It was 3 days before my sons wedding. My son and his girlfriend planned to elope and take their mom's with them for their wedding day.  I hummed and hawed and thought of how I didn't want to feel like crap on my sons big day but then I just said screw it... TAKE THE WINDOW AND RUN WITH IT!!!  I thought who knows when another window will come so I went with it.  I took my faithful bottle of clonazepam with me on the trip as a just in case.  I did it!  No clonazepam for 2 weeks now.  The window is gone, it only lasted about a week but it was the best window I've ever had.  It gave me all the power to jump and it worked.  I didn't care if the window would probably go away quicker because I jumped.  I decided no time like the present and to be honest I knew that I would be ok no matter how down I was on my son's wedding day.  One day in the future when this nightmare is gone and past I will tell my son how very important his wedding day really was and how it helped me do my biggest jump in my life.  I didn't tell him about what I was doing because he has heard so may quick fix pill stories in his life from me that I didn't dare give him another one on his wedding day.  I've never been so proud of myself in my life. I am silently healing.  All this hell I've had to go through just because 25 years ago my mom died and it was too much to bear at the time so I gave in to a Dr. who thought an antidepressant would be the best way to go and down the rabbit hole I went and got worse and worse.  From antidepressant to anti-anxiety pills to anti-psychotic drugs and even ADD med.  What a fool I was to believe the Dr's that a each and every time a pill was going to fix things.  They all felt that instant fixes and they all really just gave me more side effects to live with.  I remember going to bed taking 6 different pills... what a mess!!!  Now I'm down to 1/2 a sleeping pill (zopiclone) and I can't wait to say it's gone too!  This has been a very painful experience.  Everything from feeling absolutely no life, no feelings to pain so intense that I couldn't get out of bed.  The symptoms that I'm living with right now seem to be a cake walk now.  I have some ok days and some pretty crappy ones but at least I know why and I know one day I can say I'm healed!!!! and thank god for benzobuddies!!!  We have been through the worst that life can throw us and we all will get the strength and courage to continue to heal because we all have each other and we all believe in us!!  Thank you benzobuddies... continue to heal, continue to share the fact with others that we can heal and will heal.  We just have to believe in ourselves and have to courage and faith that it will happen. 

[[...]]

Way to go Gonna!! You're awesome!! You got this now!! Stay strong and kick butt!! 

 

[[go...]]

Thanks GMIT! 

 

Courage and hope... my guns are loaded and when they get low.. off to benzobuddies for a refill I go!

[[Bu...]]

Yeah. Benzobuddies is good for a refill of coping ammunition. How often have I said that. Gonnawin your doing amazingly!

[[go...]]

Honestly I know I am doing amazing.  I feel like shit...lol but I'm only looking forward waiting and trying to create my next window.  I'm a junkie looking for a window....now that's a twist.  I do feel so sorry for the people on here that are having worse withdraw than me.  I feel for them because I know how much pain and suffering I have and it's painful.  All I can do is tell them to keep hope and find courage.  I love this site.. I wish there was a physical group of people that I could sit with and comfort each other.  One day there will be such groups and one day there will be more help in the medical profession.  That is my hope and dreams that there will be more help for everyone out there feeling this pain.

[[Bu...]]

That was beautiful, Goodawin.

 

Love B,.

[[Bu...]]

Goodnight everyone. I've got a bit of a headache tonight. Still going for my marmite snack.

 

Hope you have a good day.

 

Love B.

[[Sa...]]

Saga, spent the entire day at the coast with my husband, did some fishing, went to lunch, had a nice drive! It was such a great day!

 

I find I am going from being fearful of going out to irritated now with staying in. I'm wanting to do more!

 

You are doing great and healing is happening!!

 

:smitten:

Whoa G! That's awesome! No wonder you weren't hanging around here! Sounds like a fantastic day! Good for you!

[[Sa...]]

I jumped about two weeks ago and it feels empowering!!

 

I jumped when I had a window come my way.  It was 3 days before my sons wedding. My son and his girlfriend planned to elope and take their mom's with them for their wedding day.  I hummed and hawed and thought of how I didn't want to feel like crap on my sons big day but then I just said screw it... TAKE THE WINDOW AND RUN WITH IT!!!  I thought who knows when another window will come so I went with it.  I took my faithful bottle of clonazepam with me on the trip as a just in case.  I did it!  No clonazepam for 2 weeks now.  The window is gone, it only lasted about a week but it was the best window I've ever had.  It gave me all the power to jump and it worked.  I didn't care if the window would probably go away quicker because I jumped.  I decided no time like the present and to be honest I knew that I would be ok no matter how down I was on my son's wedding day.  One day in the future when this nightmare is gone and past I will tell my son how very important his wedding day really was and how it helped me do my biggest jump in my life.  I didn't tell him about what I was doing because he has heard so may quick fix pill stories in his life from me that I didn't dare give him another one on his wedding day.  I've never been so proud of myself in my life. I am silently healing.  All this hell I've had to go through just because 25 years ago my mom died and it was too much to bear at the time so I gave in to a Dr. who thought an antidepressant would be the best way to go and down the rabbit hole I went and got worse and worse.  From antidepressant to anti-anxiety pills to anti-psychotic drugs and even ADD med.  What a fool I was to believe the Dr's that a each and every time a pill was going to fix things.  They all felt that instant fixes and they all really just gave me more side effects to live with.  I remember going to bed taking 6 different pills... what a mess!!!  Now I'm down to 1/2 a sleeping pill (zopiclone) and I can't wait to say it's gone too!  This has been a very painful experience.  Everything from feeling absolutely no life, no feelings to pain so intense that I couldn't get out of bed.  The symptoms that I'm living with right now seem to be a cake walk now.  I have some ok days and some pretty crappy ones but at least I know why and I know one day I can say I'm healed!!!! and thank god for benzobuddies!!!  We have been through the worst that life can throw us and we all will get the strength and courage to continue to heal because we all have each other and we all believe in us!!  Thank you benzobuddies... continue to heal, continue to share the fact with others that we can heal and will heal.  We just have to believe in ourselves and have to courage and faith that it will happen. 

 

Gonna, this is absolutely beautiful!!!!!!!!  you're amazing! You're making me tear up...part of the reason I jumped early was daughters unexpected engagement. I was devastated that I was in panic mode thinking about a wedding instead of the joy I should've been feeling. I jumped 2 days later.

 

I'm so proud of you and I just want to give you a big hug. I get it. We all get it. Someday our kids may know how they motivate us without realizing.

 

So glad you've found this group

 

 

[[Sa...]]

Saga, I wish you a great day! As you say today is a new day. You must feel better after all that sleep. Nine hours is pretty impressive. I had 6 plus 1 1/2 bananas. I think I will turn into a banana, the amount I've eaten.

 

G. You are giving me hope. I am due for a holiday with the family in Wales at the end of August and I am hoping I will be well enough to enjoy it.

 

Love B.

 

Buddy, hope you had a good day too! Your holiday in Wales sounds wonderful, something to look forward to! You'll be better- believe!

[[go...]]

Thanks Saga23... Our kids are our saving graces on many occasions on our journey of life.  I can't even imagine how horrible mine really would have turned with out them.  They truly did give me the right direction when I had many other wrong roads I could have taken.

 

I look at your tapering and you have done and it's simply amazing!  I look at some of the signatures on here and I know some what of what they are going through.  We all are strong amazing people just for realizing we are better and deserve better and I just think of what we have been through is making us just shy of spectacular.  I too had been drugged for 25 years of my life and I"m not even angry anymore.. I just want better for me and everyone around me. 

 

I feel the pain in all these threads I've read on here but the amazing part is I also feel the power and courageousness we are all carrying along with it. 

[[Sa...]]

Gonna, you have put all of it into words so well. It's incredibly sad to see so many signatures and stories so similar. I can't truly say I've let go of my anger completely. I used it to get through my taper when I was told I couldn't do this. It propelled me instead.

 

I'm with you about looking ahead. The past is the past...it's part of the story, but it's not the future. It's not the present. I honestly  have hope now. There was a time when I'd lost hope of finding the answer and nearly gave up. Now that I've found it I can't let go.

 

The power and courage here is amazing, so true. Yes,there is pain, of course, but it's eclipsed by our resilience.

 

Saga

[[...]]

Yes, Gonna, your words ring so true with me!!

 

Sometimes it's just to much to read the suffering as it hurts, it hurts for what I've gone through, and it pains me for the suffering others are going through!

 

And the courage here is amazing Saga!

 

[[Bu...]]

Good morning everyone and hope you've had a good rest. I'm doing good. I got 10 ours sleep last night. All I had was a bit of ant-acid as I had a sick tummy. Is this a sign of healing, I so hope so!

 

You all write so beautifully about this experience. I was trying to describe it to my counsellor. The mix of pain, fear, anger and at the same time hope. My story is a little different from yours. Until the last year I've never been a consistent user *perhaps that's why my withdrawal ahs been so bad" but I've certainly had periods in my life when I've been numbed by these drugs. It all started when I had my first ectopic pregnancy back in 2004 and the hospital failed to provide bereavement counselling. Then I had a second ectopic pregnancy in 2008 and my daughter was born after IVF later in 2008. That's why I try and enjoy every moment of her life, I will never have another child. I am so angry that the last year has been spent in withdrawal. Fortunately I've got a lot of family support so she hasn't suffered but I haven't enjoyed her 5th year as much as I should. I am hoping that I can enjoy her 6th year more! I am going to a party at the school later to thank volunteers and I am going to look forward to that. At least after all that sleep I'm not tired.

 

I hope your all doing good, in good sleep right now. Big...I hope your having a good day as well.

 

Love BX

[[Bi...]]

Hi everyone

 

Thank you for being there for me. Today was a much better day. My morning sickness (still horrendous from 4am to left me when I arrived at work. I am used to it now. I watch an episode of Orange is the New Black while I endure my own prison. Doctor I went to see about my acid mouth was hilarious. Hilarious in a 'I want to stab him' way. " Benzo withdrawal? Err no don't think your mouth problem is from that" (sniggers openly). Once again I am left bewildered about the medical profession. How on earth could they not know when this lousy drug has been around since the 50s? They always look so surprised. Ha well we all know we won't get much help there. I have to put Vaseline on the corners of my mouth. If you are suffering from sore mouth, don't bother going to doctor.

Welcome Gonna I always give a big cheer when someone else jumps. Another beast bites the dust. Ha we should be a video game. Hearing talk of children is heart warming. My daughter tells me she will never take mind drugs after seeing me suffer. I want to feel again after being sedated for so long.

Thanks Saga, GMIT, Nova, Buddy and anyone else here. Yesterday I needed you so much. Today I am as strong as a lion. So happy to be off that poison! Yippee

[[Bu...]]

I am glad you are feeling better Big. It must be wonderful not to feel so sick. Your doing so well. I think my twitches are lessening as well which is great!

 

We are getting there, despite those wretched doctors. I even went as far as to try and talk to one of our labour MPs. He just told me that he wasn't a doctor and go back to my GP. But I do think it is a political issue. It is much cheaper to hand out these vial drugs than it is to provide adequate psychological support and the lack of knowledge in the medical profession is appalling. We have a national hospital here, called the National Hospital for Neurology and Neurosurgery. I went there a month ago for a sleep study. It's a centre of excellence! Anyway they sent a list of medications which should be avoided for the study as they might interfere with results. They recommended abstaining from clonazepam. (Suggested reducing it by 0.5mgs a week if it was taken regularly.) Clonazapam can you imagine! No other benzo was mentioned. There were some references to anti-depressants and I think if I remember rightly the said just come off the Z drugs.

 

Sorry for my rant but I totally agree with you, Big. Goona had a lovely post on here about her wishes for the medical profession to take it seriously. I second, third and hundred it. This is a worldwide problem. It needs to be addressed.

 

Sorry for my rant, Big. I hope you have a lovely and restful evening!

 

Lots of love from the UK.

 

B.