6-12 month thread....

[[Lo...]]

I need my buddies. I need someone(s) who gets this. I am better than I was, it's not as thick but it's all here in some paler shade and I'm tired. I want effortless. I want the feelings of stress, irritability and dread to roll out. I want joy and expansiveness. I want an effortless mind. I want to smile at my son with every ounce of good feeling. I want to be well enough that he can rely on me again. I lost my good bud and I miss him. I don't want to be on the outside looking in anymore. That's a long wish list.

 

Anybody? It gets better?

 

Still holding on-

Peace2

 

I'm with you...last week and earlier this week the anxiety was super low...today I feel like a walking panic attack :-( plus leg weakness (scary)...so much effort to act normal. I too hate the irritability and what not...its just not me :-(

 

I have a laundry list of things I want to do with my son...in time...they say it gets better. It will. Don't give up. 

[[ma...]]

PB - I have been able to fall asleep around 10 pm and sleep until about 3-4 am. After that I kind of toss and turn until about 5:30 when I get up and get ready for work. I can tell when I have slept better because my mood is a little better and seems like my sx are less. When I get the choppy sleep (not very often) I do struggle more with the sx's. I think that lack of sleep and rest is a large part of making this so difficult.  Can't wait for the days when I go to bed at 10 pm and don't wake until 5 am and can get up and enjoy a nice cup of coffee.

[[Mo...]]

Hi dear friends,

 

Doing a quick check in.  It seems I am no longer acute.  The 2000mg of vitamin C is continuing to hold up against the hot flashes.  My sleep is very normal with only occasional interruptions in the week.  I slept 8hrs last night and no funky bunch on my brain.  Hubby even said, 'how long have you been out of the episode?'  I wasn't sure how to consider this because I know the vit C is doing a lot of work for me.

 

I do notice wavy sensations here and there but very light.  No panic, fear, terror,... Can't remember what anxiety feels like right now or depression.

 

I do have a wonderful security blanket in my girlfriend who has been living with us the past three weeks.  I don't think twice about hubby leaving on a trip. In fact I told him to cram as much travel in as he can while she's here.

 

My full focus has been on getting the scale to go in the opposite direction.  I still have no menstruel cycle.  My blood tests for thyroid say I'm great so we will be checkng hormones next.

 

We saled thru Halloween in flying colors and I've already taken down the Halloween decorations down and Thanksgiving/Christmas up! 

 

I am honestly in awe of the vitamin C.  If I forget to take the evening dose I can feel hot trying to break thru the next day.  Please consider trying it.  I take 1000mg time release in the morning and repeat with dinner.

 

Hubby and I are planning on traveling to NYC in December. 

 

Right now I am very good.  The dip I took in months 9-10 has now leveled out and I'm really really good in month 11.  I'd say 100% healed but there is still some residual there.

 

Gotta get my little monkeys up and ready to go!!!

 

I remember HH comforting me saying her sleep came back and she could sleep in.  It's true.  It comes back.

 

Love to you friends,

MyR

 

 

 

 

[[Lo...]]

Hi dear friends,

 

Doing a quick check in.  It seems I am no longer acute.  The 2000mg of vitamin C is continuing to hold up against the hot flashes.  My sleep is very normal with only occasional interruptions in the week.  I slept 8hrs last night and no funky bunch on my brain.  Hubby even said, 'how long have you been out of the episode?'  I wasn't sure how to consider this because I know the vit C is doing a lot of work for me.

 

I do notice wavy sensations here and there but very light.  No panic, fear, terror,... Can't remember what anxiety feels like right now or depression.

 

I do have a wonderful security blanket in my girlfriend who has been living with us the past three weeks.  I don't think twice about hubby leaving on a trip. In fact I told him to cram as much travel in as he can while she's here.

 

My full focus has been on getting the scale to go in the opposite direction.  I still have no menstruel cycle.  My blood tests for thyroid say I'm great so we will be checkng hormones next.

 

We saled thru Halloween in flying colors and I've already taken down the Halloween decorations down and Thanksgiving/Christmas up! 

 

I am honestly in awe of the vitamin C.  If I forget to take the evening dose I can feel hot trying to break thru the next day.  Please consider trying it.  I take 1000mg time release in the morning and repeat with dinner.

 

Hubby and I are planning on traveling to NYC in December. 

 

Right now I am very good.  The dip I took in months 9-10 has now leveled out and I'm really really good in month 11.  I'd say 100% healed but there is still some residual there.

 

Gotta get my little monkeys up and ready to go!!!

 

I remember HH comforting me saying her sleep came back and she could sleep in.  It's true.  It comes back.

 

Love to you friends,

MyR

 

MommyR that is great news!!!!

[[dr...]]

Hi all....breezing through life the last four out of five days...I have had effortless mind and some body stuff but it is easy to handle with my brain "normal".  This is crazy...Is this how the "regular" world exists?  I sat in a restaurant and enjoyed lunch. I didn't think of how long I would be stuck there.  I then performed last night and also emceed for the first time.  no one could believe how relaxed I was.  I feel so good and have energy...I am almost am euphoric because I am enjoying the little things in life everyone takes for granted.  I know this may end at any moment but I am just accepting it.  I am going to try to take a break from the boards for a day or a week...who knows....I want to take advantage of my life while I feel good. 

 

to my buddies...... :smitten:

 

 

[[Lo...]]

Hi all....breezing through life the last four out of five days...I have had effortless mind and some body stuff but it is easy to handle with my brain "normal".  This is crazy...Is this how the "regular" world exists?  I sat in a restaurant and enjoyed lunch. I didn't think of how long I would be stuck there.  I then performed last night and also emceed for the first time.  no one could believe how relaxed I was.  I feel so good and have energy...I am almost am euphoric because I am enjoying the little things in life everyone takes for granted.  I know this may end at any moment but I am just accepting it.  I am going to try to take a break from the boards for a day or a week...who knows....I want to take advantage of my life while I feel good. 

 

to my buddies...... :smitten:

 

Have a blast Drew! Happy for you! 

[[mr...]]

Hi all....breezing through life the last four out of five days...I have had effortless mind and some body stuff but it is easy to handle with my brain "normal".  This is crazy...Is this how the "regular" world exists?  I sat in a restaurant and enjoyed lunch. I didn't think of how long I would be stuck there.  I then performed last night and also emceed for the first time.  no one could believe how relaxed I was.  I feel so good and have energy...I am almost am euphoric because I am enjoying the little things in life everyone takes for granted.  I know this may end at any moment but I am just accepting it.  I am going to try to take a break from the boards for a day or a week...who knows....I want to take advantage of my life while I feel good. 

 

to my buddies...... :smitten:

 

Do I smell it?...the window that opened that never really closed?...

 

Enjoy the time away!! You deserve it

 

Mrs.

[[Sk...]]

Drew, great to hear some good news !

 

Mommy, nice seeing you and with good news as well !

 

Today, is my bad day. My palps are wild. These 24 hour cycles are brutal. THis afternoon I was taking, trying to take my afternoon nap and a thought held me back " if you fall asleep you will die ". NIce, right ? That usually does not happen to me during the daytime ! And I am  really sick of it.

I am tired of having these thoughts in  my head, I am sick of it.

 

Everybody, I hope things are going well with you all. 

[[ga...]]

paper...I am at 16 months now.  Sleep was my problem for years and still is.  Lately, I average 4 to5 hours of broken sleep per night.  Usually in bed by 10:30 and up and down a few times until about 4 or so.  Then I lay in bed until 5 to 6 and finally get up.  I certainly would like to get a good solid 6 plus but I am happy for what I am getting now.  I seem to get caught up in intrusive thoughts that get my mind in a state where it is just plain hard to relax and fall back asleep.  The great news is I am doing this now without any meds, prescription or OTC.  That is huge for me as I was on stuff for over 20 years.

 

Drew...So glad you are having a great few days.  So much progress.  Just remember to be realistic.  There are great days, good days and not so good days.  We all have them and it is just part of life.  Accepting is key.  Take them one day at a time...the good and not so good.  Best to you!

[[ga...]]

martin...as you can see my sleep schedule is similar to yours.  We want better but we know this is still much better than at times in the past.  Be happy for what you can get.

[[Sk...]]

paper...I am at 16 months now.  Sleep was my problem for years and still is.  Lately, I average 4 to5 hours of broken sleep per night.  Usually in bed by 10:30 and up and down a few times until about 4 or so.  Then I lay in bed until 5 to 6 and finally get up.  I certainly would like to get a good solid 6 plus but I am happy for what I am getting now.  I seem to get caught up in intrusive thoughts that get my mind in a state where it is just plain hard to relax and fall back asleep.  The great news is I am doing this now without any meds, prescription or OTC.  That is huge for me as I was on stuff for over 20 years.

 

Drew...So glad you are having a great few days.  So much progress.  Just remember to be realistic.  There are great days, good days and not so good days.  We all have them and it is just part of life.  Accepting is key.  Take them one day at a time...the good and not so good.  Best to you!

 

Garton, I too had not slept without  medications for ages. SO with me too sleeping without anything is HUGE.

 

That said, intrusives are just creepy and awful, I am so tired of them.

[[pe...]]

MommyR and Drew - Awesome!

 

I'm so happy for your good news. What sweet relief to read of your good days. More are on the way!

 

Peace2

[[pa...]]

Garton, that's pretty similar to my schedule except I get in the bed at 8-9 pm to get a few extra zzzz's.  I wonder what the heck is happening around 4 am to wake everybody up.  I'm assuming its a squirt of our good friend cortisol.

[[...]]

Hi all;

Seems like there's been lots of improvement for many along with some set backs.

I'm still struggling with depression that use to be like clock work every other day now it's more frequent and can go from morn to bedtime for few days then the 3rd day may get a break.

 

I'll be 11 months since last dose of benzo and 5.5 months since las dose of remeron in a few days .

 

The mornings are the worse! The fear terror of never getting over this. Obsessing whether it's the benzos or the  remeron WD  that is causing such despair. 

 

I cont. to work and travel but it takes every bit of life to push fwd. It's been months since I've woken up without this terror just plain scared and catastrophizing. This has not only changed and become more frequent but also I feel the sx stronger. Maybe I'm just spent and it seems that way. I am tired of the heavy psych sx.

 

Is anyone still waking up to this to this dreaded mess every morning?

 

I am getting 4-6 hrs of sleep most every night but terrified of the mornings as well as very concerned of this stuff getting worse this far out.

 

Your comments and thoughts very appreciated.

Jrod

 

 

[[ga...]]

Jrod,

 

I can very much relate to what you are dealing with.  I still wake up early with all kinds of negative thoughts.  They are just thoughts and they do eventually pass I find.  When they occur in the early mornings I find I feel down and depressed.  They are worries of what may or may not happen at some future time.  Being alone in my old age, not having much of a life and not feeling up to doing much do to the fact I  don't sleep well and will be tired.  It's just amazing what  the  mind can conjure up in those early morning hours.  Once I get out of bed and start going through my morning routine things lighten up a bit.

 

I know how hard it is but you just need to push through it.  It will get better.  Just take it one day at a time and do the best you can.  You are NOT alone in this.

[[mr...]]

Jrod,

 

Have you tried a dose of vitamin C before going to bed and/or upon waking up? Not to sound like a crazed advocate of supplementation lol, but it has helped me tons, and I've seen other buddies get good relief from it too Vitamin C in the bloodstream is thought to be a cortisol "gobbler". I take 500-1,000mg before or during my cortisol "times" lol Anyways, it is a big helper for me If its not for you, no biggie Whatever you choose, I hope you feel better soon!

 

Mrs.

[[...]]

Thx Garton /Mrs

 

I'm like most, finding myself in deep and no sign of relief.

 

Garton I know you've been suffering with sleep for years and lately things have improved some and that's fantastic!

 

Mrs thx for the tip. I'll be trying VitC in the morning. It may even help this horrific depression.

 

[[mr...]]

Thx Garton /Mrs

 

I'm like most, finding myself in deep and no sign of relief.

 

Garton I know you've been suffering with sleep for years and lately things have improved some and that's fantastic!

 

Mrs thx for the tip. I'll be trying VitC in the morning. It may even help this horrific depression.

 

No probs, buddy

 

I take a time-released formula (in pill form) as 'preventative maintenance' for my normal, "throughout the day & night" steady stream of vitamin C in the bloodstream. I take a liquid form "as needed" (comes as flavor for a bottle of water, kinda like Crystal Light) for my exercise times and for the cortisol "peaks" (like the morning AM times, etc). I take 500mg of my time release pill form every six hours (9am, 3pm, 9pm, 3am--yup, 3am!). I drink my liquid form (which is 1,000mg vitamin C) right before / during my exercise, as well as right before / during my cortisol "peak" time At the end of the day, I may have taken anywhere from 2,500 - 4,000mg in a day, depending on my activity level. Waa-hoo!!!

 

This is just me and what works for me, BTW Feel free to decide what is best for you, of course! You WILL feel better, Jrod. My hope is that it is very soon! Thinking of you, buddy

 

Mrs.

[[dr...]]

I did the vit C thing for cortisol but it really hurt my stomach. Make sure you eat something with it. Just a heads up. 

[[mr...]]

I did the vit C thing for cortisol but it really hurt my stomach. Make sure you eat something with it. Just a heads up.

 

Oh yeah? I've heard that some folks can get a little softer in stools from it, but an upset stomach is not as common I thought. It might have been the blend, sometimes if it is an acidic blend I could see how it could be upsetting to the tummy. Maybe since I use time released formula, and it derives its C from acerola cherries (a non-acidic fruit, I believe) & ascorbic acid, it is less likely to make the tummy ouchy? An unknown, lol

 

How ya doing, drew? Turning the "six month corner"? I hope so

 

Mrs.

[[dr...]]

Still doing well.  Afraid to say I turned a corner.  Just enjoying the air coming in to my window. 

[[Lo...]]

Hi BB's I'm glad some of you have really turned a corner. I am NOT one of them unfortunately. I got a really severe bad head cold last week and it is really played a major factor in my balance which was already off.

 

I'm really beginning to get scared to walk outside heck just walking around my small apartment is scary enough.

 

I don't even get relief sitting down because it feels like I'm on a Moving train  :'(

 

Pray for me...pray that when my head cold clears up my balance will stabilize a little bit and also I have to start addressing pre existing medical conditions which also could be playing a factor with my balance.

 

at six and a half months off I thought I would be so far ahead of the game but I sometimes feel like I'm failing :-(

 

praying I see a window soon because it's been a really long time since I've had a long wide open window.

 

I deserve healing and recovery and so does everyone else. praying for us all.

[[mr...]]

LM, hang in there! Many, many buddies I've read about experience the "beloved" (haha!) "six month wave", as well as experiencing an "uptick" in symptoms during colds & such...so you're not alone, dear!! Its normal

 

Regarding your balance -- IMO -- no worries. You're still so early in withdrawal! These things take time. I've often gotten "boaty", especially when "over-exercised" or if I rollarskate or get on a boat etc... IMO, its a very common withdrawal symptom I'm not saying that you shouldn't address underlying issues, of course! But, if it were me, I would probably take the boatiness with a grain of salt But that's just me

 

Rest easy and take care of yourself today,

 

Mrs.

[[Sk...]]

Mrs, This is meant as a Pm to you, but then I thought other buddies might get some benefit from my questions and your answers ! Or have suggestions.

 

I KNOW there are threads for this topic, but with my benzo brain this thread is just about all that I can handle.

So sorry for taking up space.

 

Today I started with the magnesium, I started with a 100 grams just like Healing suggested. How long should I keep at this dose before trying higher ?

 

I started on a my wavy day, I don't notice things getting better but not worse either. A buddy kind of scared me when I was taking it by saying I was doing the wrong thing, I should be taking something with potassium in it. This rattled me and I think the mini palps I got  soon after taking the pill, are connected to me being still very impressionable. PLus, I feel guilty because the magnesium was about 19 Euros, that is  more than 24 dollars,  and as I have very little money for now, that carries some weight, I am unreasonable about this still. I keep forgetting it is for my good, I am not on some holiday.

 

I can take the potassium later on, I won't go sick(er) by taking magnesium  without potassium for two days,right ?

 

I KNOW this is a trial and error process. But still.

 

I hope to look into vitamin c, I wll be asking you guys a lot of questions, bear with me.

 

Wish me luck !

[[pe...]]

I am totally bumming in Bummerville. I just feel run of the mill depressed and it's awful. I'm exercising and sleeping, etc. any thoughts on how to break through it? Or just settle into it? This is benzo related, right?

 

 

Peace2