Help with starting liquid taper from Xanax and adding Valium

[[...]]

Now on to the next thing!

 

Did you get weird 'chills' in your taper? Like your muscles are sore and ache, but also like a cold 'chill' vibe down your back?

 

I've been getting this one for the past month.

 

Like a 'flu' like thing chill. As well as the usual sore ache muscles. I get this chill vibe down my back, I feel 'cold' but it's not cold here. It's hot.

 

Did you get this? Is this one 'normal" in WD's? This aches and chills felling?

[[Ju...]]

So glad you got some reassurances from your doctor.  Yes, I got aches and chills.  I'm surprised you're just now experiencing these sxs.  Some people refer to this symptom as a part of the package of sxs known as the benzo flu.  This came and went with me, over and over for most of my taper. 

[[...]]

Thanks Juliea!

 

Yes, another nightmare 'surprise' from this lovely drug. I always got the Benzo Flu, but not really the chills until recently.I really only started getting the back chills since the last cut or so ( about 4 weeks) but it hasn't gone away yet.That's what was bugging me. Most of my new symptoms come and go with each new cut but this chill thing has hung around. That's why I wanted to ask if this was 'normal'.

 

Between this and the yellow eye thing it's been really stressful.

 

But feeling better .

 

I finally told someone who I really care about and I've known and love for a long time, the truth that I'm sick.

 

I was so worried she's cut me off and tell me to get lost. We both know how that goes , right?

But she was very cool. She got it. She understood.

 

She was the last very close person that I told.I had to finally tell her because it was taking me so long to get well and get out and travel and go places. I couldn't keep making excuses. I told the truth.

 

I feel such relief now.

 

[[...]]

 

Going to try and cut once again tonight. I'm at .0625 and this new cut will bring it down to .0312.

The struggle continues.

[[Ju...]]

Wishing you well on the cut, JACD! 

[[...]]

Thanks J

 

I'm 48 hours into my latest cut. I'm now approaching .0312. I say approaching because .0312 weighs about 8 grams and I'm at 10 Grams tonight. But I'll get there. I know you hate the scale Juliea, I do do too really, but what the hell. I use it. It's almost over. Maybe the scale gives me a placebo effect. But I'll take anything at this point in this journey.

 

 

I dropped to once a day almost 3 weeks ago. 2 weeks 5 days exactly. It was very intense as you know, and this one is just a regular old cut, but it was hard for me to get started on it. I still felt sick. But it's like we say, maybe this is as good as it's going to get, so just cut.

 

Like I say the reason we're sick ( at least for me) is not so much the 'cut' or reduction in dose that makes us sick. It's that we take this poison every damn day that gets us sick.

 

Because, God Knows I'm on a tiny, teeny, little crumb of this stuff. And I'm still F'd up.

 

I just want it over.

 

I've been getting the usual aches and pains we all talk about, this cut. But also a low intensity jittery feeling. Like 'nervousness'. Just randomly.This is the same feeling I got late last year when I thought I had a problem with this stuff. I would take my little pill, ONCE, then forget about it not touch it for 2 or 3 days then BAM! Anxiousness and jitteryness would hit. Out of the blue.

 

That's how I knew I was sick from this crap.

 

Anyway, I now have that feeling again. Little did I know that this same feeling ( which caused me to take action to stop it) would be one of the BETTER symptoms I would deal with. I never imagined last year that it could feel so much worse. But it did,it got worse then just the 'jitters".

 

And that , I believe is due to taking it everyday. I'm sure.

 

Anyway, lets celebrate! Only 8 months later I feel just as sick as I did BEFORE I started my Taper!!

 

Yay.

 

When will it end? If only I would have just tapered at 3 days a week, I would have been done by now. But I listened to the 'experts".

 

Anyway, here we are. I am grateful that I'm alive. And I am now at .0312.....

 

I just want to be normal again. Like how I felt before I only took it once in a while. Or before I ever did.

[[Ju...]]

In no way do I "hate the scale".  Scales are especially useful for people who are sensitive to larger cuts or those who only have access to larger Mg pill sizes. 

 

Yes, I hear you on the symptoms of stopping being worse than what we were initially prescribed Xanax for.  We'd all like to be able to time travel, but sadly we can't.

 

Knowing the symptoms are temporary helped me cope.  The symptoms will end but only after we're no longer taking the medicine, in my opinion.  You're almost finished with your taper.  After you're done the final part of the healing can begin.  Hang in there.

[[...]]

Thanks Juliea

 

Well, I'll say it then..I hate the scale! I do. Many, many, times the same crumb will turn up diffrent gram weights. Now it's 8 Grams, then 13 Grams, then 7 grams etc..PITA. And very stressfull in my condition.

 

But I use the damn thing just as a 'guide' to get a rough estimate of how much ( or how little) of this crap I'm taking. I take the measurements with a grain of salt.

 

It's usually used as a guide to how wide or small each cut is. It's like 'well,  the scale says this cut is 8 or 9 or10 grams?, but no more then 11!, who knows? Here goes!"...

 

I can never really be sure.  I just guesstimate it's between X and Y.

 

At least this way there's a sort of floor and a ceiling with how large or small each crumb is.

 

Anyway, I'll be off it soon I hope. Then no more scale! Good by!

 

I wanted to comment on this, I think now the reason I haven't jumped yet, is due to the fact that I still had to adjust my body to getting used to going back to one dose a day.

 

I've been at .0625 and now .0312 for a whole month!

 

But the reason I didn't just drop it all by now is because I was in hell when I went from 2 x a day to just 1 x a day.I've only actually cut 10 grams total this whole month! Very small. Most cuts are 10 grams each cut. But again, this time the issue wasn't the reduction in dose it was the DROP and trying to 'correct' the CNS to get used to 1 dose a day , instead of 3 x a day I had been doing since I started my Taper ( and got poor advice).

 

Had I only had one dose per day this whole time, I would have jumped by now, I'm sure.

 

Anyway, I'm at .0312 or (8/9 grams) then next week, I may jump? OR cut it down to 4 or 5 grams hold for a week and then jump.

 

But the main reason I'm holding and all is just to give the body a chance to still get used to only one dose per day.This Saturday will be 30 days of me going from originally 3 times to 2 times per day to only once per day.

 

It took me 6 days to calm down. WAY worse then any 'cut'. It was the missed dose drop that got me, not the 'cut' part.

So, that's why I've held. Because most people would have jumped by now. People jump from .0625 all the time, and I was slightly above that a month ago but unfortunately, it was spread out over two doses per day. I could not drop BOTH doses at the same time and jump. I would have gone nuts.

 

Another reason why you shouldn't break up your dose unless you really feel you have too. It just created more problems.

 

Anyway, almost done.

 

I hope.

 

Wish me luck.

 

 

 

 

[[...]]

Hi Juliea

 

 

I think I'm losing some of my hair!!

 

Is this normal? Did this happen to you?

 

If this is Benzo related, does the hair loss stop, when we stop taking the drug?

 

I hope so...

 

yet another thing to stress over!!!!!!

 

Any advice?

 

Thanks Juliea

 

 

[[Ju...]]

My hair thinned out during my taper, yes it sure did.  This is a very common symptom.  Hair and skin changes, yep I had them both.  My skin is still recovering but my hair has grown back.  I believe this is a stress response rather than actually caused by the medicine.  A stress response or a response to the body having a lack of a medicine it's depended on for calming the CNS.

 

Xanax, the gift that keeps on giving ..................... 

[[...]]

Thanks Juliea!

 

You're so right, Xanax the gift that keeps on giving! So true. So, you think it's a stress response? Makes sense.This has been so stressful. Yes, my hair is thinning out too. Glad to hear it grows back!! My skin has actually been better , the hives have calmed down this cut. I am on such a ridiculously low amount these days! It's crazy. If anybody would have told me 8 months ago or last year that I'd be still sick and still 'feeling it" from only taking one tiny daily dose of .0312, I would never have believed it.

 

It's so small! Why do I still even feel it? But I do...

 

Still, it has gotten much, much better. I am thankful. I'll take it! However, it's like we said in the old post, I now feel just as bad/good as I did before when I STARTED this taper!

 

This feeling I have now, these sxs I have daily, are exactly what I felt back then. This is the feeling that made me want to get off it in the first place!

 

I'm back to that again.

 

Well, like you say, hopefully when the drug stops, and I no longer take it daily. Then the final healing begins.

 

So looking forward to that!

 

Yep, I'm sick everyday but the other thing I do everyday is take a bit of Xanax.

So, I hope when the daily poisoning stops..then the daily 'sickness' vibe stops as well..

 

I know it's still gonna take time and I'll get waves and windows and all that stuff..but this constant 'I'm sick' feeling, I hope stops when the drug does...Or at least sort of ends soon thereafter.

 

I'm sick everyday of being sick everyday.

 

 

[[...]]

Hey Juliea!

 

How are you today?..

 

Well, I'm about ready to make another move here.

 

I'm at .0312 total. Once daily. It's been about 10 days. And 30 days since I dropped my last dose completely, going from 2 x a day to now one.

 

I've been on one dose for a month now. And .0312 for the last 10 days.

 

I feel OK. But I'm wondering what to do next.

 

Should I just go for it and drop it and JUMP?..

Or should I try and whittle it down to .0150 or something and do that for a week and then jump?

 

What would you do?

 

I feel OK. As I've said before, If I didn't have to get used to not taking a pill 3 x a day and only did a straight cut, I would have jumped by now.

 

But I had to get the CNS used to not having a pill 3 times each day. But now, at least the first 2 dose times , I'm used to going with out by now so..maybe I should jump?

 

Any thoughts?

 

PS. my hairs thinning and it feels like straw! Did your hair feel like straw too?

 

Thanks!

[[Ju...]]

Knowing myself, if I were still feeling my cuts, after I'd dropped to .03125 as a last cut I'd jump.  So, as always the choice is yours.  But for sure, .03125 would be the end of the benzo road for me and then I'd deal with any fall out from the jump and wait for healing. 

 

Yes, my hair did feel like straw.  It's ok now though. 

 

Good luck, JACD!!!!!

[[...]]

Hey Juliea!!

 

Having a big wave right now!! Yikes!!

 

Sucks. This is the 3rd one I've had in the last 3 days. This is day 12 into my .0312 cut and 30 days since I've only been on one dose per day.

I was doing OK, I thought. But right now and around the same time for the last 3 nights, I get hit BAM!

 

Dizzy, spacey vibe, fear, very jumpy and on edge. Muscles ache. The chills.The boat feeling. Hands ice cold. nervous. JUMPY.

 

It seems to last about an hour or so..but it always hits me late at night /early morning  ( when I should go to sleep) like 6am..

 

This one started at 5am and is still raging. Also happens after I eat a meal..

but this one is worse. And the one yesterday was really bad too.

 

I used to get these a lot. But I haven't had them in about a month. I got the physical wd's but not the mental ones.

 

But right now and for the last 3 days..

 

It's been mental/fear/ nervous /jittery HELL.

 

I thought it's supposed to get mellower by now? Eight long months to taper from only .75? to .0312! A long slow smooth taper, from a small dose? Really?

 

This should not be happining at this stage!??

 

But it is!

 

 

[[...]]

Knowing myself, if I were still feeling my cuts, after I'd dropped to .03125 as a last cut I'd jump.  So, as always the choice is yours.  But for sure, .03125 would be the end of the benzo road for me and then I'd deal with any fall out from the jump and wait for healing. 

 

Yes, my hair did feel like straw.  It's ok now though. 

 

Good luck, JACD!!!!!

 

Hi Juliea

 

Having a hard time now..but ..trying to understand your post.

 

Are you saying you would jump IF you were STILL feeling the cuts? You would JUMP?

 

I thought were supposted to HOLD until we DONT feel the cut and then make a move.

 

Because, I'm thinking why am I getting hit right now ( and for the past 3 days, hard)? Is it because I'm still on this crap??

 

Is THAT why I'm sick at the moment? BECAUSE I'm still taking a tiny crumb? And maybe the CNS wants to drop it all by now and is acting up because I haven't yet?

 

Could that be it?

[[...]]

Because I was getting ready to either cut a tad more and wait a week and then jump. Or just jump soon.

It's been 12 days now...BUT the past 3 days I've been hit HARD (like the old days) and so now I'm thinking maybe I should hold and wait a bit..

 

But maybe the reason I'm getting these hits lately is because I haven't jumped yet?

 

AHHHH

 

I was OK for about the first 8 days or so, felt a few physical things as usuall but it seemed to be a pretty smooth cut ( it's very small too) and was preparing to either jump or cut a tiny bit more and then jump soon..

 

But now I've been hit for the past 3 days!!

 

So now I don't know what the hell to do?

 

Jump? Drop it all now?

 

Or hold and bit maybe 15/17 days?

 

Cut a tiny bit more off and then drop it?

 

I don't know??????

 

I was doing good! Not now.

[[Ju...]]

Knowing myself, if I were still feeling my cuts, after I'd dropped to .03125 as a last cut I'd jump.  So, as always the choice is yours.  But for sure, .03125 would be the end of the benzo road for me and then I'd deal with any fall out from the jump and wait for healing. 

 

Yes, my hair did feel like straw.  It's ok now though. 

 

Good luck, JACD!!!!!

 

Hi Juliea

 

Having a hard time now..but ..trying to understand your post.

 

Are you saying you would jump IF you were STILL feeling the cuts? You would JUMP?

 

I said if I was still feeling my cuts when I got to .0625, I would taper down to .03125.  Then personally I would jump at .03125.

 

I thought were supposted to HOLD until we DONT feel the cut and then make a move.

 

When I talk about feeling the cut, I'm talking specifically about cut lag time.  My cuts generally hit on the 4th or 5th day and then resolved within 1-3 days.  So I generally cut on day eight.  Had I held for 14 days or longer, theoretically I might have felt another wave hit between day 8 and 14. 

 

Because, I'm thinking why am I getting hit right now ( and for the past 3 days, hard)? Is it because I'm still on this crap??

 

If these days you're getting hit aren't your regular lag time hits, (in other words did you stabilize and then after stabilization did another wave hit?), then these waves might not even be cut related, IMO, but just what I refer to as healing waves.  These types of waves continued for me after I was benzo free and had nothing to do with a cut.  This is just a normal part of benzo recovery and the non linear nature of the healing.  Waves and windows.

 

Is THAT why I'm sick at the moment? BECAUSE I'm still taking a tiny crumb? And maybe the CNS wants to drop it all by now and is acting up because I haven't yet?

 

Who knows?  But my guess is this is your body actually wanting more Xanax to calm your CNS down.  But of course I would not up dose.

 

You'll see what I mean when you jump.  The waves and windows will likely continue until you are healed and the waves won't have anything to do with a cut.

 

And yes, it's awful how hard it is to stop taking a benzo, and even a taper is no SURE FIRE guarantee that symptoms won't continue for a while after the jump.  But the symptoms do eventually stop!  This just takes time and it can't be predicted.

[[...]]

Hi Juliea

 

Yes, I think it's healing waves as you say. Now I understand what you meant. I'm very sick today too.

 

Yes, I did my cut 12 days ago and, like you, got hit on day 4-5 etc, and then it stopped and then I felt OK, but around day 9/10 I started getting these big waves. Just when I was getting ready to cut again or even Jump. So, maybe it is like you say that weird pattern restarting itself again. Because the first week was OK , the usuall physical sxs, then it stopped, but day 9-12 I've been hit with waves again ( I didn't have any the first week of this cut).

 

So, now I don't know what to do.

 

And on top of all this, Today I just got some totally devastating financial news.Something I've been dreaming and planning on for years now probably wont happen and I just want to die.

 

This on top of feeling so bad.

And all coming right when I want to 'jump'.

 

But now, I don't know WHAT to do???

 

I guess I'll hold until this ends?...UNLESS the act of holding is in itself giving me these waves?

 

God I wish I could drink right now...

 

 

[[...]]

Can I drink Valerian Root tea?

 

With it help? Will it hurt?

 

I've got some Vistaril too, but I've not had it yet.

 

Will it help? Will it hurt?

 

Can we take these things while tapering?

Can we take these things while on Xanax and Xanax WD's?

[[...]]

Just got the worst news I've been worried about for a while Financially. I am in deep trouble now.

Something I have been banking on just fell totally and perminatly apart. Poof. Gone. All my time and effort and planning. Gone.

My dream gone.

 

On top of this I was just about to either jump, or cut a tiny bit more, then jump.

 

But NOW I don't know WHAT to do.

 

I almost up dosed to 1.5 just to deal with this life /finance stress. It involves where I'm going to live now. It's that bad.

AND this bad news hit right when I was feeling sick from a big 2 day wave and wondering when to cut, but feeling sick from the wave and THEN I got hit with the bad news.

 

THIS PROBLEM WOULD NEVER HAVE HAPPENED, had I not been so sick. Or even if I just stayed on the X. But I tapered..

AND IT'S TAKING FOREVER!!! and meanwhile, 'life' is getting in the way and biting me in the ass now, because I've neglected so many things all year because I'm so damn SICK!!! And recovery is taking so LONG!!!!!!!!!

 

I'm still f'ing SICK all the damn time.

 

And I can't even leave the house yet...

 

Then I get hit with a nuclear bomb.

That COULD have been avoided if my taper wasn't so long. I thought it was going to be 3 months or so....not 10 months!!!!!!

 

Anyway, it's day 15 of my 'cut'. I'm at .0312, once a day. I'm due for a cut or a drop..BUT MY LIFE IS A MESS right now

and I don't have the 'luxury' of another 7 days or more to feel like crap again. But still, I need to get off this crap. It's being on this junk and the LONG taper off that created the problems in LIFE I'm now facing.

 

But I can't function because I'm so ill.....

 

Any advice?

 

Do I drop and get it over with..or just hold until the life drama passes a bit or do I cut a little , like a mini daily taper and get through another week and hopefully the life drama will settle down and then jump?

 

I just need to get my brain back so I can work.

Whatever the best way is for me to get back to that state. I will do.

But I don't know what to do right now.

Life events are killing me right now and I need my brain back to deal with them...

 

[[Ju...]]

I'm so sorry you got hit with such devastating news, JACD. 

 

Considering this, I would absolutely not jump off right now.  I just wouldn't.  I'd wait a while and allow my system to get over the shock of the news, to calm down a bit.  You might even get some increased symptoms during this time, so don't be shocked if this happens.  I had a really difficult wave during a time of increased stress during my taper.

 

I'm glad you didn't updose.  You've worked too hard to taper off to go backwards, IMO. 

 

Valerian is said to effect GABA receptors.  I was so desperate for sleep I tried it knowing it might delay my healing, but it didn't help me.

 

I take Vistaril now for sleep occasionally.  It does not effect GABA receptors.

 

Hang in there.  I'm so sorry.  So many of us have lost a lot to benzos and it sounds like you're no exception.  Finances as well as lives can be rebuilt.  Please hang on to this thought and know I'm thinking of you during this upsetting time in your life.

[[...]]

Thank you so much Juliea. To say that your thinking about me brings a tear to my eye as I write this.

Thank you.

 

I needed that.

 

Well, I guess I won't jump yet. Today is day 17 into my hold. I'm only at .0312, once a day.

I'll tell you this, If I hadn't been hit so hard with such bad financial/life news. I would jump right now.

 

I almost did, just out of spite! Like, f it, lets just get it over and take the pain. It's waiting so long that got me in this mess to begin with, so lets jump.

 

But, I can't afford to get sick for a week right now. So, I guess I'll hold.

 

You don't think this holding for longer then usual will mess up my 'pattern' do you? My CNS is used to cutting every 10-16 days each time.

 

I hope it wont make things worse holding another week.

 

What do you think?

 

I was also thinking of doing maybe a tiny cut in a few days, just to keep the ball rolling..

I'm at 9 grams ( that's .0312) so I might shave it down to say 6 grams and hold that for a week, take care of some business, and then jump?

 

I don't know.

 

Any advice?

 

 

[[...]]

Hi Juliea,

 

Vistaril? You said you use it for sleep. I would only need it as a anti-Anxiety pill. Does it work like that? I have a prescription, but I've never tried it yet. I'm trying to follow your advice and not take anything until I'm off the Xanax. No, vitamins ,No supplements, no other meds, no booze, etc.

 

I've been good so far.

 

But I bought all these supplements and I have the Vistaril, but I'm worried I'll have a

"bad trip". Maybe not but, can we have it while we're on Xanax?

 

I heard it's sort of like a Benadryl. And I tried the benadryl once or twice months ago early in the taper, and I didn't really like it.

 

I don't like the feeling of being put to sleep. It scares me.I don't want to feel 'drugged". BUT I do want something to relax me...

 

Any thoughts or observations with your use of Vistaril? Does it 'relax' you, like wine or something? Is it 'calming"?

Or is it just like a sleeping pill. I don't want that.

 

I don't want to sleep. I don't want to be 'knocked out".

 

I just want to be calm...

[[Ju...]]

I haven't tried Vistaril for anxiety.  But I will tell you my experience of using it for sleep when I first jumped.  Just as the med was taking effect and making me sleepy I felt a quick, slight jolt of panic.  I didn't like the feeling. 

 

Now I can take one and I don't get the jolt, just slight sleepiness.  Your experience may be totally different.

 

I believe it's worth a try for anxiety.  Some buddies do report being helped in this department.  The med is very similar to Benadryl from what I understand, just prescription strength.  I find the effects to be extremely mild.  Also, some buddies report that the med stops working if taken several days in a row, so sparing use might be indicated.

 

I don't believe you'll be hurt by holding and I think your idea of continuing to taper is fine too.  You'll get to a point you feel comfortable jumping off, JACD.  Many buddies choose to slide off of the benzo rather than jump, so this is not unusual in the least. 

[[...]]

Thanks Juliea

 

Thanks for answering my questions point by point as you do.

I need it.

 

Thank you.

 

So, Vistaril would be OK to try while I'm still on the X? I would rather try it afterwards BUT I'm afraid that if it's bad and things go south I want to know I still have my little crumb of X to clam me down.

 

That's the only reason I want to 'test it' before I jump. If it's safe to take while on a crumb of xanax. Do you think we can do both?

 

When you said you got a quick jolt of panic I get that A LOT. I get it when ever I first do a cut and I also get it when I take my Xanax and start 'the climb' as the pill takes affect. I get a lot of things but 20 Min's in I'll get a quick flash of panic or fear and then it's gone.

 

Is it like that?

 

Because that's what I'm trying to avoid! But It might not be so bad if it is quick and then gone, and then I feel calm for a few hours.

 

So, you experienced a light sleepiness? It's not a heavy 'drugged' anesthesia felling?

 

I don't want a sleeping pill vibe. I just want to be relaxed and mellow, if I can.