Help with starting liquid taper from Xanax and adding Valium

[[...]]

The other issue I'm dealing with is my Mother. She got laid off from her job and is now here ALL THE TIME. and it sucks.

We fight a lot. We argue all the time. She really doesn't understand benzp WD. She says she does. But she doesn't.

 

She's a very high stung person and a 'crazy maker' type. The WOSRT type to be around when your nervous system is shot. I wouldn't even be here right now but I'm sooo sick.

 

And it sucks because I would move out of here so fast it would make your head spin if I wasn't sick. But I'm sick and now have agoraphobia, Which I had a little before I took the X but it was mainly for panic attacks. But now thanks to the X and being so sick anyway and this taper taking so damn LONG. And not feeling even physically well to go out, let alone the agoraphobia vibe, NOW I have to deal with being TRAPPED in a house with someone who literally gets on my nerves every day.

 

It sucks to be a grown man and have to live with your mother anyway, even in the best of times, it sucks. But try that going though Benzo withdrawl! Thanks again God!

 

All this coming RIGHT at the pivotal moment when I'm getting ready to finally, at long last, finally, JUMP. But no. Not now.

 

So, that's another reason I'm holding. I have to deal with HER B.S. and drama on TOP of my own hell of being sick. And I can't just say good by and jump in the car and split.

 

I'm too sick and haven't left the block in 8 months.

 

Why me? I had hopped I could at least get OFF the X first and THEN deal with it all.

 

But no.

 

Damn I better have a GREAT 2015 because I paid my dues this whole year. THIS year has now officially been the WORST YEAR OF MY LIFE.

 

I swear. I almost want to just say f it and dope up on the Xanax so I can move out of here. But then I think I've already spent and wasted so much time trying to 'get well', and my money problems here are because of all the time it took to try and 'get well',that it's not worth it. But then I think oh god, after I'm off it, I'm STILL not going to be 'healed' yet. It could take MONTHS more. And I can't stay here that long. I hate it here.It's adding to my stress and making me sick.

She makes me sick. Really. Our fights make me ill. She's so stupid too. Because if she could just stop arguing with me about things she knows nothing about. I would feel calmed and heal faster. And then I would MOVE AWAY. and that would be good for her too.

 

But nope. She can't help her self. She's stubborn. She loves to fight, even when she's wrong. So I literally have to ignore her and just say 'I'm sick' and walk back to my room.

But I can't engage with her because she gets me so worked up and angry.

 

But damn. Something has to give soon.

 

I need a little victory here. Or I want my 8 months back.

[[Ju...]]

Yes, I've read of buddies using Vistaril during their taper.  I don't believe it's contraindicated.  If I'd really have needed it, I would have had no problem asking my doctor for a prescription for it even while I was tapering.  You could give it a try.  Mine is in capsule form.  If you're overly concerned you could divide up the powder and only take half to see how it effects you.

 

Sorry about the situation with your mother.  Just keep remembering that your situation of having to live at home is not permanent.  You'll be able to get out and on your own again, JACD.  Of this I have no doubt.  Hang in there!!! 

[[...]]

Thanks Juliea

 

Yes, I like your idea of taking half the powder. Mine is in capsule too. Yes, my Doc gave it to me months ago, but I'm trying to follow the plan of not taking anything (new meds/vitamins) until I'm off this.

 

So I guess I can try both. It's funny I read the info sheet on Vistaril and it's only like a few sentences long , maybe a paragraph. I read the Xanax warning info and it's like a book! Ha!

 

I asked my doctor about something to use to 'rotate' back to the world, that's NOT a Benzo.

 

He wanted to give me Lexapro. I have it. But, again, no way am I touching anything until after I'm off this. And even then I want to wait a while.And I'm going to try supplements and amino's first before I go near any meds again. I'm very anti meds. BUT I've been a shut in with agoraphobia thanks to the xanax wd's now for 8 months.

 

And so, I thought I may need SOMETHING to just bridge the gap at first to help me to leave the damn house!

 

In the 'old days' that 'something ' would be Xanax .5mg.

 

But not now.

 

Anyway, I did take Lexapro for a few days last year ( before my taper). I took it because I thought I was losing my mind.So I had better try it. Now, I realize what was happing to me was I was having Xanax withdrawls every other day or so. But I didn't know it. That was what geve me the feeling I was losing my mind. And booze didn't help relive that anxious feeling either. Yep, it was interdose WD's. But I didn't know it. Because I still never took the X everyday.And I never 'craved' it or used it to get high. So I thought I was OK.

 

Now I know.

 

So, anyway, I tried Lexapro and the first few days I took it, I had weird random thoughts of 'death' like just picturing a gruesome murder scene. Like the manson family. It freaked me out. It was like 'don't think of a pink elephant' and then your mind pictures a pink elephant. It just popped into my mind. I didn't feel violent or anything , In fact when I would get the mental 'flash' image of the scene. I would laugh, thinking what the hell was that?..but it went on for the first half of the day. Like 4 hours!! but then , the last part of the day was great. Like a SUPER xanax but without feeling tired. I felt great. Like I could do anything no problem.

 

I kept taking it for about 3 or 4 days and got the same feeling each time. First 4 hours thoughts of a bloody scene.then poof felt great. No fears at all.

 

Then I stopped it. I don't want to have to take a drug everyday. In fact that's why I took Xanax. Because I didn't want to take a SSRI every single day. So I just took the X as needed. And it was OK until I started using it 3 days a week as a 'sleep aid'. That's when my wd's started. And then when I joined up here and got the 'take it everyday and break it up' bad advice. I went form bad to WORSE.

 

Now it's 8 months of hell later. Part of me wants to 'test' the lexapro again.My doc said to break the 10mg in half and test that first. I was taking the whole 10mg the 'smallest' dose. Maybe I could take 5mg? But I don't want to have any more crazy images again. I have friends that are therapists that take it and swear by it. But I don't know.I'm also trying the CBT too. I wish I could just have a couple of shots of whisky to get the courage to leave the house! I'd rather just do that! I hate meds now! But I also don't want to touch booze yet either. Until I'm off this.

 

I feel like a guy that been in a hospital and never left the grounds for a year.

 

Now he has to rotate back to society.

 

Or like someone in a war zone for a year. How can he just walk right back to 'normal' life without something. At least at first. I mean, I was even afraid of taking a shower for a while. That's how bad I was.

 

Thoughts?

[[...]]

Hi Juliea

 

 

I asked my doctor about Buspar. I read it's anti Anxiety but not a benzo or a SSRI.

 

I thought that maybe could be a happy medium. His staff called back and said they called in Lexapro for me. I told them I want to try Buspar. I am waiting for the response.

 

Have you heard of people with success on Buspar?

[[Ju...]]

The only antidepressants I've taken are Elavil and Prozac.  Elavil for pain and Prozac for Xanax induced depression.  I don't know anything about Lexapro or Buspar, but Remeron is touted quite often here on BB's, especially for sleep.  You might ask on Other Medications and see what others have to say who have taken the meds you are interested in trying.  But I don't believe antidepressants are used as-needed for something like anxiety, (unless a very sedating med like Remeron is used as a sleep aid as needed).  I'm not sure they are good for anxiety unless dosed daily.  I might be wrong through so I'd ask for input.

 

I was severely agoraphobic due to Xanax.  It just went away, JACD and I didn't have to do anything to make it leave.  It got much better during my taper when I got to the low doses.  I have no doubt this will go away for you too.  It might take a little time, but it will go just like all of the symptoms. 

[[...]]

Thanks Juliea!

 

Wow! That's great news that you beat Agoraphobia too! THAT gives me so much hope! Wow, so it just went away when you started taking less of the X huh? I so hope that happens to me! I have read that Agoraphobia is like 90% curable. Through exposure etc. So I'm waiting for that too. I just wanted some 'thing' to kick me in the rear end to start the exposure. Just something to push me to try. Yes, the SSRI you have to take everyday for them to work for anxiety. That's why I never really started with them I don't want to take any drug every single day. However, just to make a transition to the outside world. I'm willing to try it for a few months. And then I'll taper off that too.

 

Prozac has a long half life I like that. I've heard of Remeron too. I'll ask the buddies too.

 

I wanted to give you a update. Well, some of the drama with my Mother and me has calmed a bit. Thank God. I am just trying to cut or drop so I can get my brain back so I can move far far away from her. Anyway, I do feel a bit better then I did health wise.

 

So, I'm thinking about making another move. I'm on .0312. Once at night. That's all. It's been 21 days ( three weeks) my longest hold ever.I would have cut were it not for this drama with dear ol' ma.But now after me delaying my recovery to clean up her mess, I am ready to continue.

 

My question is since I'm so low now I can either just drop it  and take the pain ( my last drop was a month ago, my morning dose, and it was hell, lasted 6 days everyday) or I can cut it back a bit more. I'm at 9 grams (that's .0312) but I could shave it down to 6 or 5 grams..

 

This is what I'm thinking. What if I skip a dose, then the next day eat my .0312, then skip the next dose, then eat my .0312. etc. Day on, day off? Because wouldn't that also be like a 'taper cut' at this point? Because it's so small now there really isn't too much left to cut anymore. But I don't really want to drop it all right yet. Still I want to keep moving somehow. So I thought one day on , one day off may train the CNS to get used to the 'old pattern' I had before I got into this mess.

 

I just thought on and off could be something to try for a week and then stay totally off.

 

Dose this make sense? Have you heard of people doing this for their final 'cut'?

 

Thanks Juliea!

[[Ju...]]

I'm not sure about dosing every other day and particularly not sure with a med with such a short half life, like Xanax.  I'd be more inclined to taper down more rather than dose every other day, if I were in your shoes.

 

Do you still feel the dose when you take it? 

[[...]]

yes. but it's not like it was. I feel it in that when i take my .0312, i feel better, it takes longer to kick in now like 1 1/2 hours or 2 hours. I used to feel it start in 20-30 mins.I don't quite get the 'lift' i used to get, i just feel like 'ok, the day is done, i made it, relief. that kind of thing.

 

I guess I feel better after taking it then before...

 

Yes, the 'safest' of all the moves would be to keep cutting i guess. To go from .0312 (9 grams) to 4/5 grams ( .0150) something like that . That is what I was going to do last week before all this drama hit.

 

It sucks because I want this over. And I think that like we've discussed, after each week the 'hit' pattern starts all over again. I'm now getting a little sick again. But last week I felt OK. And that's when I should have dropped or cut. But I had to hold due to this Mom drama.

 

And now I'm getting a little sick again.

 

Do I keep holding? or do I cut?

 

I hate this.

[[...]]

Juliea

 

Did you start taking Prozac when you were still tapering? I know you said you took it for Xanax induced depression. Just wondering did you take it at the end of your taper? Or did you wait until you were off.

I gather you also stopped prozac as well. Did it help with the benzo induced depression? How long were you on it? Did you taper from that as well? Is it true they aren't as bad wd wise as benzos?

 

I ask because this whole taper nightmare has REALLY made me depressed. Plus now all this drama with my Mother.VERY DEPRESSED. I should be happy I'm almost done with this 8 month taper! yay!..But I'm so low. I just want to die sometimes.

 

I think about it a lot lately.

 

Everything is so hard. And I've wasted so much time being sick and tapering. And now I have to get back into the workforce somehow and drive a car and deal with people and on and on. And I have to escape from this jail I'm in with my mother.

 

I just think it's so overwhelming. PLUS now I've got this agoraphobia. And I'm afraid to leave! Even though I hate it here. I'm scared to leave because of this drug.

 

They gave me Lexapro and I told you what happened with that but maybe now since I am really depressed, maybe I need a anti depressant for a while? I only was given it for long term anxiety help. And I never thought I was really depressed before. But I am now.

 

My skin is yellow, my hair is falling out. I've wasted the whole damn year and I'm stuck with a person who gets on my nerves and adds massive stress daily but I'm too scared to leave due to this stupid drug.

 

Maybe I now need a anti depressant. Because now I really am depressed.

I've got the Lexapro right here. But I don't want to turn into a ax murderer or something!

Especially since I'm so upset and angry with ol' mom. I don't trust drugs. They got me into this mess.

 

But I need help. Just help to get out of here.

 

Jesus . What to do?

 

Any words of wisdom?

 

Thanks Juliea

[[Ju...]]

My experience with both antidepressants was while on a steady dose of Xanax, not during my taper.  The Elavil, I took for many, many years for nerve pain.  I stopped it around 2005 CT and felt no withdrawal.  Prozac, I took in 2009 for a few months and then I CT'd it and had no withdrawal.  Took Prozac again around 2011-2012 for several months and CT it yet again and did not notice withdrawal.  The Prozac usually took three weeks to a month to kick in and help with the depression.

 

I read an interesting analogy about benzos vs antidepressants on survivingantidepressants.  Antidepressants, the poster said were like the accelerator and benzos were like the break pedal.  Another way to say this is antidepressants are more activating and benzos are more calming.  This is probably why some folks report an increase in anxiety and insomnia when first starting an antidepressant.  This effect probably goes away after the body has become accustomed to the medication.

 

Not all antidepressants are known for this accelerator action, some are sedating.

 

Remeron, Trazedone and Elavil are sedating antidepressants.

 

Prozac is a more activating antidepressant.  I'm not sure where Lexapro falls in this continuum.

 

If Lexapro is known for this feeling of activation, this is a hurdle you might have to jump through to get to the point of where it helps you.  This means there might be an increase in anxiety and difficulty sleeping while your body is getting used to the med.

 

Many doctors prescribe benzos for antidepressant related anxiety and insomnia and due to this practice, some folks wind up here, stuck on the benzo.  It can be a catch 22. 

 

I'd ask on Other Medications.  Wish I could be of more help.

[[...]]

Thanks Juliea

 

I asked my doc ( left a message) for Buspar. He called in more Lexapro. So, I'm going to call Monday and ask for Remeron instead of Lexapro. But I wanted to try Buspar too. But not at the same time.

 

I just cut again last night. I had to do it. I feel sick right now. Flu like, blah, hangover , chills, etc.

I feel it immediately. Last night after the cut I felt stoned. Like pot stoned. Out of time and space. I tried to cook a meal and it seemed to take forever. It was like that. It was almost kinda funny.Then it got worse and not so funny. My body ached and face hives hit.

 

This is the first cut I've done in 3 whole weeks. My longest hold ever in my whole 8 months.

 

I cut from 9 grams (.0312) to 8/7 grams.  And I feel it. Sucks. Tonight I'm going to cut to 7 grams. Tomorrow cut to 6 grams. Then maybe 5 grams. Then hold. Then see how it goes.

 

Would it make sense to keep cutting day by day and just do a mini 'daily taper'? Like 9 grams in 9 days? Type of thing? I know it's easier to do that stuff with liquid but, I'll just see how far I can get maybe?

 

What do you think? It shouldn't mess me up if I do a tiny cut daily as opposed to doing the same amount of cut all at once should it?

 

I don't want to shock my CNS into a 'new' pattern.

What do you think?

 

Also mom and I had a pretty good day yesterday. The waters calm again right now. That's why I cut. Trying to get off this crap so I can be in better shape when the next mom drama soon hits again.

[[Ju...]]

Glad things are better on the home front.

 

Your idea of chipping on down to zero and sliding off, sounds fine to me.  Think of it this way, you're on a jump dose as it is, IMO, so what harm could be done by tapering down even more.  I truly see no reason this would be anything but helpful in your particular case and this might give you a softer landing to benzo free.

 

You're going to be ok, JACD.  Remember you functioned many years without Xanax and you can do this again! 

[[...]]

Thanks Juliea

 

Yes, I keep telling myself that I had a whole life before benzos etc. I've only started Benzos when Obama got elected! Ha! And even then the first 4/5 years I really only used it once or twice a month. A 30 day supply of .5 Xanax would last a year!

 

So, it's not like I've had these problems my whole life or even for most of it. I haven't.It's just this last year and about 6 months of the last have turned my life totally upside down.This drug has made any little anxiety issue or phobia I had before 100 times worse!

 

It's like I say, I used to IMAGINE I was 'crazy" but I really wasn't. But NOW thanks to the Benzos and bad advice and Doctors, I really AM! Thanks guys.

 

It's like that line ..'there are two classes of people in the world the horrible and the miserable". The horrible are terminal illness/blind people and benzo withdrawal!" The 'miserable' is everybody else! Ha! I just can't wait to be back to 'miserable' again! I'll take it.

 

That's how I was for most of my life anyway. I never dreamed it could get so much worse! But it did. You've never been f'd up until you've been prescription med f'd up! I'll take 'street drugs' any day from this stuff. Never again.

 

And the same goes for any SSRI or anything , really. I don't want to take ANYTHING from a doctor ever again! But I'm so sick and feel like I've been in a hospital /mental ward for the whole year that I think I may need "something"

SHORT TERM to get me on my feet again.But we'll see. I'd rather do it through CBT and books I'm reading. And maybe a few shots of Jack Danniels!..but not yet.. I want off this first and then I want to wait at least 4 Weeks or more before I 'test' things, like supplements or Booze etc..I would like to wait even longer but I feel I have already wasted so much time as it is with this tapper. I don't want to 'wait' any longer. I need to get out of here and make some money ! Fast! So much time has been wasted this year.

 

I never would have tapered this year had I know it would have taken so long. For the small amount I was trying to get off, for it to take so long and be so horrific? No way. I would have stayed on drugs and worked and made money.

I honestly thought this taper would take 3 months MAX. Not 8!!

 

Oh well. Here we are. I just want it over.

 

I'm 48 hours into my little 'daily cut move. Went from 8 G on Saturday to 7 grams on Sunday and tonight will be 6 grams. Feeling it. Feeling sick. But hanging on.I think I'll go as low as I can ( maybe 5/4 grams) then hold a few days, then jump off from 5 or 4. It may get too damn hard to keep shaving these little suckers.Unless I grind it to powder and lick the finger? I don't know.

 

The issue with me has always been the DROP not the dose amount.That's another one of the million reasons why I never should have taking it daily, much less 3 times a day!

 

As I've always said. I'm tapering from my taper!!!  I'm not even counting last years Xanax use. The thing that got me so sick was this year. Going from 3 times a week to 3 times a day everyday! THATS what made me so damn ill. Not that I went from .75 to .0312 in 8 months!

 

It's the amount of dosing not the percentage of pill, I think, that did me in. Bad advice. That and Xanax being Xanax, being so powerull that you get pulled under even in 7 days use. The quicksand swallowed me up. I didn't need to go so far from such a small amount and short use. But I did.

 

Oh well...

 

 

 

Anyway, I hope when I remove this daily poison, I can go back to just dealing with my other issues. Like Agoraphobia and Panic issues/anxiety etc. They definitely have been made worse from the Xanax and Xanax WD.I used to just pretend I was 'sick' now I really am!

 

 

[[Ju...]]

You're funny!!  Yep, the cure proved to be much worse than the regular issues didn't it.  It says something when a person says, just let me go back to just plain old agoraphobia, panic attacks and anxiety.  Xanax is not a cure for anything IMO, it causes more problems than what we took it for! 

[[...]]

Ha! Exactly!!

 

It would be one thing if after this taper nightmare, and  all of the Xanax, if at the end of this, my anxiety was totally cured FOREVER. Then , well, I could see it. Then it would be worth it if taking Xanax and tapering 'cured' you of the things you were prescribed Xanax for in the first place.

 

But it doesn't . It makes them WORSE.

 

That's another reason why I'm so pissed. This crap ADDED to my troubles. Unbelievable...

 

It's like taking a pill for 'cancer' or something and when you stop taking the pill, it causes MORE Cancer?!!! WTF??

 

Thanks Doctors and Drug companies. I thought they took an oath to 'do no harm".

 

I would have rather stayed on the booze....At least the hangerover from booze GOES AWAY after a while. Not Xanax.

 

Anyway, I'm glad you liked that last post. Yes, it is funny.

 

We have to laugh to keep from crying.

 

I can't WAIT to just be plain old 'miserable' again...

 

 

OK Juliea, I'm in the home stretch now.

 

I want to ask you a strategy question.

 

I'm on less then .0312. I do it by grams. Today I will cut to 6 grams. I started at 8 grams two days ago. I drop a gram a day. My question is should I?

 

I will be at 6g tonight.I feel it. I was hit last two nights, but I'm keeping on. I am sick. But I'm ok.

 

Just want to know, should I keep cutting and then stop and hold? And WAIT until I stabilize, like any other cut?

 

Or should I not hold but just keep on going and cut a gram a day. 6 days. 6 grams. Then done?

 

Do you know what I'm asking? Because I'm sick now. I feel the cut. Should I level off and wait until I don't feel sick. And then go back to the cutting? or maybe jump? But only after holding and stabilizing first?

 

Or should I just keep going, keep cutting, one gram each day, don't hold, and take the pain and be done?

 

Any ideas?

 

 

[[Ju...]]

You are going to need to feel your way to the end, JACD.  I'd just play it by ear and taper myself off.  If you need to hold a certain dose for any number days, then so be it.  The point is, you're on the homestretch right now and there will soon be no crumb to taper.  Just take the rest of the taper in a way you can handle,  only you know your body and what is tolerable vs intolerable.  Remember, you're on a jump dose as it is, so what you're doing is the final stage of easing yourself off the benzo. 

 

 

[[...]]

Yes, I thought you'd say that!

 

Well, that's what I'm essentially doing anyway. I'm sort of playing it all by ear, a gram cut here, a hold for a day there,,etc,,and when I get to 5 or 4 grams I may hold and ride that for a day or two and then do it. Jump. I'll see, I guess.

 

It's weird doing it like this, because it's only a gram a day, so, it's so small your 'hit' time is diffrent. But I felt it on day one and two, I think my CNS needed a little 'reminder' to get back to cutting at first. Because this was my longest hold between cuts. 22 days. Most are 10-14 days max. And I just felt so stressed from this life /Mom drama that I had to hold. And then I felt I couldn't ( not with out much extra pain) jump right away after a 22 day hold.

 

So I needed to 'step off' a bit ..

 

Now ( day 4 in) I'm like "OK, I can drop, I can can do this..

 

But that's why I asked how to do it next?... I guess I'll take each day..I will say my scale is having a hard time weighing such a microscopic dose! The same crumb shows up with many different numbers. Stressfull. I just guesstimate it.Many of them look like a 6/5 or a 5/6 gram cut. Nothing is ever exactly a 6 or a 5 for example...

 

So depending on the day I just favor one up or one down...I try to keep going down. In the direction of down..not up one day and down the next. But it's hard with this damn scale and the crumbs being so small.

 

That's why I can't wait to be off it. Weighing it is a pain, these days!

[[Ju...]]

Good luck, JACD!!!!!   

[[...]]

Thanks Juliea

 

Had a slight argument with ol' mom today ( Hadn't seen her for 4 days, thank god) she's been giving me 'space' so I can heal. But , today was her 72 birthday and I had to see her. It was OK. but she started playing the old tape again and round and round we started to go with our arguments. She's always demonstrably wrong. But she's stubborn too.

 

And that's the problem.I'm not mad at her for not knowing or understanding things, I'm mad at her for fighting with the one person who does. Me. I give her the solutions to her problems but she wont listen until everything blows up in her face. I solve problems. She creates them.

 

If I was not sick, I'd be long gone, far away. And maybe check in by phone once in a while.

 

But I'm trapped here.

 

Sucks.

 

I'm really a Superman. I really can do anything.

 

However, Xanax WD is my Kyptonite. And so is Mom.

 

And that's the problem.

 

I'm too sick to 'drive the car' right now. So she's in charge.

 

But she doesn't know what the hell she's doing. And then we crash. 

 

Unfortunately , when she dose something stupid,makes a bad financial decision, it effects me too.

 

Because I'm stuck here. Because I'm sick.

 

Anyway, thanks for listing.

 

I'm sick today. It's day 4 of the cut , tonight will be day 5 (1am) I went from 9 grams to 6 grams and tonight was going to cut to 5 grams. But now I don't know. My nerves are shot and I feel sick. Thanks Mom!!

 

I want to try and jump by next week.

I'm trying to get off this as fast as I can and stay away from a major stressor like my Mother.I'm going as fast as I can to get well so I can fight her and escape. She literally makes me sick. With her stupidity and stubbornness and her anger. She is a toxic person. Supermans Kyptonight.

 

[[...]]

Juliea

 

God, I'm REALLY sick right now!!

 

Chills, feel cold but I think I'm hot.Muscles burning, Benzo flu. Couldn't sleep. Went to bed late. Back tingles.Hands ice cold.

 

Am stressing it's a 'kidney" thing. But it's probably WD's.

 

This sucks. Was thinking should I go to the hospital?? Or will it pass? I think I've felt all these sxs before but not so bad and not all at once!!

 

I hate this. I almost want to up dose. To test if it's just benzo WD or if it's not.

 

It is day 5 into my cut. Day 5 traditionally is my WORST hit day.

So I keep telling my self that. It's day 5 and that's why I'm so sick.

 

Did you get these sxs's?

 

It's been going on all morning and day. I'm half way into day 5 right now ( day 6 wont begin until 1 am tonight).

 

Is it a benzo ? Or do I have a real problem here?

 

My hands are burning too.

 

It's probably WD's from the Benzo but this is just worrying me. This crap better stop soon.

 

GOD when will this end!!!? Why am I dealing with this right now, at this point?

 

Shouldn't I be past this stuff by now? Come on!?

 

See, it's feeling like this that makes me wonder, am I sick BECAUSE I haven't jumped yet? Is taking this little 6 gram crumb making things worse?

 

Or is this just part of the 'healing' and it would happen no matter what?

Help...

[[...]]

I actually feel a tad better getting this out to you. But I'm sick.

Sucks.

 

I just hope it's part of WD's and not something 'real' to worry about.

 

Burning all over, ache bad, ears ring, flu vibe, VERY TENSE and on edge. Can't sleep, Stressing, Chills really bad, but feel forehead is warm. Hands ice cold, but at the same time feels sunburnt feeling. Feet have burn too. A bit dizzy. Chills. It's either too cold or too hot in my room . Air blowing on skin is super sensitive and almost 'hurts'.

 

Gut feels weird too. Like I'm going to vomit.

 

I have had all these sxs before but they never seemed to last so long and all gang up on me all at once.

 

What do you think juliea?

 

please tell me this is just Benzo WD and it will pass soon!!

 

I think it is. But it's just the severity ( at this point in the taper, really?) that is surprising me. That and the intensity level of it all. And it all hitting at once.

 

Help!

[[Ju...]]

I haven't been sleeping and have had cog fog due to this lack of sleep.  Feeling better today. 

 

Yes, I did have those symptoms and they were tough.  These are pretty common unfortunately.  I honestly believe they will pass if you just ride them out.  I'd probably keep taking the same crumb until they did subside.

 

Can you believe how strong Xanax is?  Look at the little tiny dose you're on and the symptoms you're getting.  It's shocking to think how much higher our doses were than this crumb you're taking and my dose was 6X's your highest dose.  Man.  If people knew how strong Xanax was Mg per Mg they would really try to keep their dosage at .25 or under OR never take it at all.

 

I hope you feel better soon, JACD!!!! Sorry you're getting slammed. 

[[...]]

Hi Juliea!

 

 

So glad your back and feeling better!!

 

Yes, I totally agree with you. I can't believe how powerfull this stuff is. It a nuclear bomb. and they never tell us.

The fact it takes so damn long to get off of it is crazy. I NEVER would have taking this drug had I known it would take me this Long and cause this much suffering. Would you? Or if we really needed to for whatever reason, fine, but LET US KNOW it will take this long and be this hard when we stop!!

 

Shame on the doctors and the drug companies and the FDA for and the media for not letting the truth out.

 

But, if people knew how dangerous this stuff was, no one would buy it. 

 

And they can't have that,,,,,

 

Anyway, after my last post. I finally felt better. I got hit on day 5 bad, that's when I wrote to you. I only cut 3 grams! I went from 9 grams down to 6. Then got hit really bad on the 5th day ( but felt it on day 1 and 2) too.

 

Then the next day, day 6, I felt great.

 

The best I'd felt maybe in the whole taper.

 

I went 24 hours with out any thing. No wave. Nothing. I felt normal. It was great.

 

The night before I took a 7 gram cut not a 6 gram cut. Next day I felt great.

 

Today I feel not so hot. I took a 6 gram last night and don't feel that good. today.

 

Could me changing from a 6 to a 7 and back to 6 have caused this? or was it just 'time' for a hit?

 

My scale is all over the place. It's 6/7 grams or 7/6 grams. Sometimes it weighs up and if I'm sick I take the higher reading. But it's still only one gram difference and for all I know even that could be off. I could think it's been a 6 and it could be a 4? Who knows?

 

I was going to try and cut again tonight but now I'm sick. Yesterday was so nice. Now, sick again.

 

Not as bad as I was but sick. I've got the chills , headache etc. Yesterday I felt nothing for 24 hours! But I had a 7 gram crumb the night before. Last night I went back to the 6 gram and now I feel bad.

 

I was going to cut to 5 /4 grams..but now I've got to wait, i think.

 

I don't know.

 

Any ideas? Should I hold and stabilize and then jump? or hold, stabilize, then cut the crumb back down a few more grams, wait, take the hit from that, and then jump? That will add another week, at least.

 

I don't want to drag it out any longer then I need to. Maybe I'm sick BECAUSE I'm still on this crap. And the body either wants a big full dose, or none at all.

 

Maybe that's it?

 

I don't know?

 

Any thoughts?

 

I'm glad your back and feeling better Juliea!!

 

 

[[Ju...]]

I'm not certain if the tiny changes in micrograms are what is causing your waves.  The only thing I am certain of is the only way to get over this dependency is to get totally off of the medicine.

 

What you're attempting to do is help make your landing softer by tapering as low as you can.  But remember, there is very often a recovery period after the last dose is taken and the only way to get finished with this period is to go through the period.

 

You're obviously sensitive in the low doses.  I would probably keep chipping away at the med until I felt I it was time to stop.  Since Xanax is so strong, (and strong right down to less than a crumb for some), some people have to taper to almost nothing to be able to feel confident enough to stop the med.

 

I remember prior to joining BB's I read of people who had to taper down to dust to discontinue Xanax.  And I've run into two of these folks since I've been posting here.  So although not the norm of folks I've seen, it is definitely something some folks experience.  So, you're not alone.

 

And another thing, you might be right that the med is actually what is making you feel so awful.  And jumping may actually make you feel better.  I just don't know any way to predict this or know in advance if this is what is going on, if I were you I would use my intuition in order to decide what to do.  This is the art of a benzo taper, IMO.  All we've got is our intuition and we must feel our way off of the med.

 

But I know this-- whether you jump today, next week or at a later time --- YOU ARE GOING TO BE OK.  Everything is going to work out for you eventually, JACD.  You'll heal and move on with you life! 

[[...]]

Juliea

 

Thank you so much for your very informative and inspirational post!

 

You are the best.

 

Well, I totally agree 100 % with everything you wrote. And as usuall, the only way for me ( or any of us) to know for sure is to try it. We are our own test subjets here. Sometimes that works out fine, other times it doesn't, as you know. And I'm always asking you and everyone else who might have experience 'what will happen if I do this..?"

 

But nobody knows how it will go for you but you. And the only way to know is to try. But if it goes south, you are the one who feels the pain. And that is very stressful. Not to mention terrifying for some of us. It's like intentionally putting your self in 'danger'. Maybe you can escape? but maybe you'll get attacked and stopped.

 

Thank you again drug comapines.

 

Anyway, I took a 7 gram crumb last night , well, 7/6 gram. Sometimes it showed as 6 and even 5 once, but most times it showed as a 7.And I slept for 8 hours! And now feel very good. Better then yesterday. But not quiet as good as 2 days ago, the other time I took a 7 gram crumb.I agree with you that it shouldn't be that I feel one gram! But who knows?

Anyway, it is also day 10 of my latest 'cut'.Well, it's day 9 as I write this, but tonight when I dose, it will officially start day '10'.Also looked back on my notes and realised the day I got hit bad (day 5) I also had a fight with Mom, again. Bam!, fight with mom, I get sick. That and the fact it was day 4/5 of the cut . Means trouble.

 

Well, since then Mom and I have avoided each other and only communicate through little notes. And , gee, now I feel better. I keep telling her, to stop stressing me out and leave me alone so I can heal and get out of here.If you never want me to leave then just keep it up, I say.

 

But she's not the brightest bulb in the bunch. And even people who are highly intelligent and sympathetic have a hard time grasping this. If I was in a full body cast, maybe she could understand the enormity of what I'm going though. But 'mental' things are hard for people to comprehend.

 

Anyway,  I feel good today so far. What to do next, I wonder?

 

Do I ...

 

      A.) cut again to 5 or 4 grams tonight, get hit and ride it out and then jump from there in a week?

      B.)Just stay at 6 tonight, and put it off until tomorrow, it is only day 9 and most of my holds are 10-14.

      C.) JUMP!!

 

Or I could sort of do all three of these moves, I can take a 6 today (last night was a 7) then tomorrow jump? or take a 6 cut today, then a 5 cut tomorrow, then jump on the next day?

 

I don't know. Here it comes,...What would you do Juliea?!!I think you already told me in your last post but, I just need my hand held right now.You said you would just keep chipping away until you felt it was time to stop. I like that. That is sort of what I'm actally doing. But , one still gets hit ,even then.

 

And , like we've both agreed, maybe just the act of taken this poison everyday in the first place is making me sick. And when I stop, I'll feel better.

I know that with booze, in the past, sometimes, if I did'nt really drink hard and get 'high', I would just feel 'tired' and 'blah' from it. It was almost like go big or go home. Because just taking a 'little' bit of drink made me feel 'blah''. It was like, 'whats the point". If your not gonna get 'drunk' then just have water, you know. Why even drink, then?,maybe my body is telling me the same thing with the Benzos?

 

If I'm not gonna have a regular full dose of a .5 or more. Why bother? Because I don't feel it's effects anymore when I take my crumb. I just feel (sometimes) not sick. Or the WD 'pain' stops when I take my crumb. But it's not like I can take my crumb and then go fly to japan and not feel panic. Nope. It wont work.

I take Xanax to stop the effects from taking Xanax.Thanks guys.

Well, as we both know, theres only one person who can find out what really works...

 

Great. Lucky me. Like a horrible game show when you are the only contestant. Door number one? Or Door number 2? And if I choose wrong I fall though a trap door into the pit of hell for 24 hours.

 

Gee what fun.