ASHTON TAPER / CUT & HOLD SUPPORT

[[ar...]]

Day 3 on 5mg and I am ok so far.  Just some minor insomnia on day 2 but last night was fine.

[[...]]

Do others feel this kind of loose, crazy feeling - like you're losing it - hard to explain - during the taper? I've been cutting and holding on valium for a bit over a month now, and decided on a 0.5 mg cut every two weeks. I cut two days ago and wonder if it's catching me a little - the crazy, isolated, weak and tired strange feeling. At the same time I want to go faster and might make it a 0.5 mg cut every ten days. I guess I have to listen as impartially as possible to what my mind is telling me (ie "you've lost it, it's too late") and not believe it necessarily. I'm at 3.5 mg V the past 2 days. I was at 4.5 a mnth ago. Seems like just after a cut I can feel more depressed and alone. But not sure if there's a pattern to this.

 

Scared about going clinically crazy, but without a real diagnosis. Depressed. Unmotivated. Tired most of the time but not sleepy. All typical I guess. Just venting a little. The self-imposed isolation is nailing me.

[[ar...]]

NYC,

 

I don't get depressed or anxiety.  My symptoms are mainly physical and some insomnia.  The tired and weak feeling could be from the sedating affect from Valium and I can feel it too.  I think once we're off or get to the lower doses, we'll have more energy!! 

 

I haven't been on benzos that long but I am not sure if that makes a difference.  Remember that everyone is wired differently.  I tend to stick with this thread because it seems more positive and motivating and especially close to the Ashton method and not someone always telling you you're tapering too fast.

 

I hope all is well and you WILL make it through this, only 3.5mg of V left, you're so close!!  Keep it going and listen to your body. 

[Guest [in...]]

NYC I do have moments, key word "moments", where I feel like Im going crazy. They only last a few seconds and I tell my brain, "you're ok" and it goes right away. I had psychotic depression in 2007-that's how I ended up on Klonopin. So that's the first question I had for pdoc when I decided to c/o and taper, "Will I get psychotic if I stop my meds"? She was very confident that I was ready to proceed. I wonder if it's just our brains trying to heal and get things cranking again- Gaba?- as we're tapering? 

[Guest [va...]]

Arcade79, no it wasn't a tyop about the .5 at night. In I always did a am and pm dose. In the Ashton manual I guess you are suppose to keep your pm dose and .5 till the end when you jump.

 

NYC you are not alone in your symptoms. I too am having a tough time as you may have read in my previous post. I feel a lot the way you described. You are going to get through this  .

 

I like what Arcade79 said about positive self talk. It's hard when you don't have energy to go out and exercise. I live in a mountain town too with a world class athletes and is very competitive over all so I must admit I try not to get jealous but the child in me does  .

 

I came to live here from L.A. not be be a champ or anything like that but to just raise my kids in a better environment and lead a better and healthy life.

 

My kid 10 year old is enrolled in a Nordic Ski Clinic and my husband informed just now bc of my condition we have to pull him out bc he doesn't have it in him to get my kid going all alone. We need to be there at 9:30 and I myself can't rally the troups. I'm even sick to go myself and hubby doesn't want to go without me. My kids is a ADHD spaz...(lol) but is super talented so I try to push him along. I think it's a good outlet and we all get pleasure seeing him excel. I feel super guilty  .

 

[[...]]

NYC I do have moments, key word "moments", where I feel like Im going crazy. They only last a few seconds and I tell my brain, "you're ok" and it goes right away. I had psychotic depression in 2007-that's how I ended up on Klonopin. So that's the first question I had for pdoc when I decided to c/o and taper, "Will I get psychotic if I stop my meds"? She was very confident that I was ready to proceed. I wonder if it's just our brains trying to heal and get things cranking again- Gaba?- as we're tapering? 

 

Good to hear that, Ingrid. I too had a psychotic depression (ie depression leading to nervous breakdown) slightly over a year ago and Ativan was prescribed along with other stuff. I'm grateful to remember that these are passing MOMENTS. My regular life is a bit unbalanced right now and the meds don't seem to help - although if I take a little ADD med (ritalin), for a few hours I can focus and feel semi-OK (but those meds make me crash later)... Definitely wish I had more of a balanced psych med situation. I'm in and out of recovery it feels like.

 

[Guest [va...]]

I have been hospitalized to but never had psychotic depression. Just bad depression. I'm just glad you are all still here and working through it .

[Guest [in...]]

Yes, BBs, we can heal.  I can tell you, I was pretty bad off. If I told you all the stuff that was going on in my head at that time, you'd wonder how in the world I overcame that. My pdoc says she cant believe how I was able to come out of it so well. She said she definitely wouldve had me hospitalized if I had been her patient during the worst of it. My brain was broken. I really cant believe Im sane now that Im tapering.  I will never, never let myself get that bad off again. I had NO idea that I was heading into psychosis. It was terrifying. But we get well, the brain has plasticity and heals. Just as stroke victims heal and people with brain injuries heal, so shall we! 

[[ar...]]

Well said Ingrid.

[Guest [in...]]

arcade 1/2 the battle is BELIEVING that you can do it, that your brain will handle it. 

[[ro...]]

I'm trying to believe too, is that ok.?

I sometimes dont believe 100%,  but I keep going...do you think that's still healing..?

All the things happening at home, it's hard to keep strength, but I find it..even a little..

 

 

Rose

[[Sm...]]

Rose.

 

Even when you feel ill,You're still winning.

 

Even when you feel like there is no hope,You're still winning.

 

Even when the terror hits,You're still winning.

 

Even when the sadness hits,You're still winning.

 

Its ok to feel all of the above and more but you're STILL WINNING

 

That little bit of strength is what is going to get you through, Nobody knows what we are having to deal with except others that are on this journey.

 

I believe in you.

 

Small

 

[[ro...]]

Smallred,

Thank you for your reply.

Even when.........

I will remember these words Smallred, ....just a little bit of strength sometimes, but winning.

 

 

Rose

[[Sm...]]

Your more than welcome Rose.

 

We are all hear to help each other

[[ar...]]

Feeling symptoms today, minor migraine, dizzy, a little unbalanced and some GI activity, not too bad.  Toughing it out at work.  Didn't have any symptoms at 5.5 but now I do at 5?  LOL...my body is a mystery.

[[Ju...]]

Rose and smallred- sometimes when things are at their worst I tell myself, all I have to do is keep breathing and I will win.

 

Good news is I cut to 5.25 and it seems to be going well.

[[ar...]]

JKS,

 

Great to hear! 

[[Sm...]]

JKS,Yep,When we stop breathing the real trouble starts!!

[[ro...]]

JKS,

Me too.. Just breathe and do the next thing.......

 

great on the cut and doing well...

Have a good evening buddie.

 

 

Rose

[[bo...]]

Cut again to 2mg this evening. Still going along OK.

Still surprised with the lack of sxs since 3.5mg.

 

ingrid, you asked some pages back what I meant about being well post-taper as well as during. I read a lot on here a year or more ago about people tapering very very slowly, particularly for the last couple of mg, so as to 'land' at zero as gently as possible. Our bodies continue to 'flush out' the remaining benzo for a fair while after we stop taking the pills. I'm no expert on this bit, but some benzo is stored within our cells in such a way that it continues to 'flush out' for possibly months and longer. You need only to read some of the Protracted Withdrawal threads, or look at some of the experiences of long term difficulties from those who had to stop cold turkey to see that there is more to the story than just tapering - there's a successful post taper to be sought as well. Gentle tapering, with particular care over the last couple of mg (where I'm at now), would seem to give the best chance of an uneventful post-taper.

 

 

[Guest [in...]]

Thanks, bolders! I plan to use that nail file on the last bits and slowly, slowly end my relationship with Val. 

I saw that I posted I would cut .25mg to 4.75mg, but I ended up cutting .5mg to 4.5mg, and am doing so well. I will do one more .5mg to 4mg, then start the .25mg. But when I get to the lower doses, will slow it down, my friend.  Glad that you are well too. 

[[ar...]]

Great job bolder!  Are you going to slow down after 2mg or continue with .5 all the way down?

 

Does anyone have any suggestions on how they cut a 2mg pill to get .25mg out of it?  Any tips, tricks and tools?  I plan to jump at .25mg if things are going well.

[[Ju...]]

Everyone seems to be doing so well. I am afraid I spoke to soon about this latest cut. Even though it was only 0.25 it has hit me very hard. I am on my third day of very litttle sleep. Scared and hurting. Rose- are you feeling better? Will I feel better?

[[ro...]]

JKS,

I'm not sleeping well still. It makes my sxs worse..mainly depression, fatigue..

you will  be fine, I have many family stressors. I really think you'll be fine..

Keep posting dear friend..

Love. Rose

[Guest [in...]]

JKS So sorry to hear of this. I sure hope your sleep will come back. Has this happened before with a cut? I hear of alot of BBs using 1/2 tablet of Unisom(Doxylamine Succinate) for sleep. I use 3mg of Remeron sometimes for sleep. Do you also have other w/d sxs?