The Klonopin Klub

[[re...]]

Good morning, folks -

 

Everybody OK?  Or at least hanging in there?

 

Peace,

 

Rek

[[ja...]]

Checking in, checking in. I took an Ambien last night because I stared at the ceiling for about an hour. Just feeling loss from cleaning out my life - tossing letters and poetry and journals. All the journals chronicled my life, but I felt sick reading them. So I have mixed feelings right now...

 

Hugs and windowful days to you all.

[[Oc...]]

:< Jax....

 

Every morning, I wake up shaking.

 

I'm scared to cut again - I'm scared I'm scared... Aughff.

[[Te...]]

Aight this is weird guys....the first 75% of my taper I had a tough time mentally and not so much physically. Now I feel extremely mentally strong but I'm having annoying physical symptoms. Ever since I cut to .125mg I've had diarrhea. (started about 9 days ago)....will this subside? I honestly feel great aside from that one symptom. I'm staying hydrated and my appetite has not diminished at all... I know the GI tract has a lot of GABA receptors so it's a common symptom but IDK why I'm just getting it now. I've had a day or two of "benzorrea"  during my taper but it would go back to normal pretty quickly.

 

Tickin me off! I guess that's just the roller coaster ride of tapering. Hopefully pepto can help since I haven't tried it yet...I'll also be going to the BRAT diet for a few days just to see if it helps.

[[Sk...]]

Good day to you all!

 

I woke up whit some pretty bad depression and anxiety but it all went away shortly after I woke up.  I hope my day continues to go well.  I have only 6 more days until my next dose drop.  So far so good. 

Keep hanging in there! 

 

-SZ-

[[re...]]

Sky, you're coping bravely--keep it up!  You will be OK!   

 

Terra, I tend to have your GI problem benzos or no benzos, and my remedy is white rice.  I know brown rice is nutritionally better, but sometimes I can't handle it.  White rice helps bind me up--I use long-grain basmati white rice, which is at least better than short-grain, plus it tastes nice.  Good luck to you!

 

Octo, I'm so sorry about the shakes--I had those uncontrollably at night sometimes.  They went away.  Yours will, too--hang on and breathe, you WILL BE OK!

 

Jaxy, hey!  You're going through some changes--it's not easy to let go of old stuff (tangible and otherwise), but it can be cleansing.  Hard, though, I know.  I hope anyway that the Ambien let you sleep.  And a very windowful day to you, too! 

 

Peace to all,

 

Rek

[[Co...]]

Copying this from the General Support thread as per another member's suggestion:

 

I am having a terrible day. I wanted to strangle people on the bus on the way to work, and my muscles feel like they are in a crucifix. It has been 3 days since my last cut. It was a 0.125 mg cut of my nightly dose. It feels so damn hard. This was the first cut I made in awhile and it is not leaving me feeling positive about the journey ahead. I had a few drinks two days before the cut. I know this was stupid. I stopped drinking for a long time but a friend I had not seen since childhood was around and I just wanted to enjoy myself like a regular person for once. I am wondering if this is what is making me feel like this.

 

One of the symptoms I am having (non-withdrawal) is that I am extremely lethargic. It is almost impossible for me to get up in the morning. I am currently living at my Mom's house and if it was not for her waking me up I would not be able to get to work.

 

My therapist said that switching to Valium will increase this lethargic experience as it is a longer acting benzo. The thought of doing this switch, only to realize it is not the right thing to do, frightens me tremendously.

 

I just finished halfway tapering off Effexor. An anti depressant that was also helacious to go through.

 

For the past six months of my life, I have been suffering like an animal. That is the only way I can describe it. Complete and utter animal suffering. I have some savings piled up. Not a lot, but the thought keeps going through my head of quitting my job and using this time and money to heal myself.

 

Right now I am locked in my office trying to prevent myself from crying. I am in a terrible, terrible mental state. Staying on the drugs does not help. Lowering the drugs does not help. I feel like I just want this all to end. I cannot take another day like this.

[[re...]]

Coolweather, I hate to say it, but I think the alcohol may indeed be ramping up the unpleasantness for you.  On the other hand, maybe you'll find this comforting, since drinking/not-drinking is something you can control, and there's so much about this experience that we can't control, or can control only to a very limited extent.  I pay HEAVILY if I drink--last time I tried was around New Year's, and that did it for me: no more, until I've been really symptom-free for a period of months.  Severe body-pain and a feeling of emotional instability are the consequences visited on me if I drink.  Not worth it.  So I would say, take heart--this may be a temporary setback triggered by the alcohol, and if you abstain once more, and keep abstaining, perhaps things will get easier.  I hope so--hang in there!

 

Peace,

 

Rek

[[dm...]]

Hello my friends,

 

I saw a spinal specialist in NYC about my newly discovered cervical issues that (I believe) klonopin was hiding. I went with my wife and I explained to the doctor about my benzo withdrawals and ensuing neurological exam, EEG, EMG, "Needles" test, and the implicating MRI showing all the problems in my neck. In my withdrawn state, I was not exactly coherent in my verbalizations.

 

He examined me; found no numbness, weakness, or tingling in the extremeties...had me walk a straight line heel-toe...reviewed my MRI (on a CD disc)...felt my neck as I moved it around...and came to the conclusion that no surgery is warranted. He went on to indicate that my condition is typical for someone my age employed as I have been for as long as I have (industrial environments).

 

I was glad to hear this but was disturbed by his silence after saying this. He gave no advice about prognosis, what can I expect outta' this thing, treatment options, physical therapy, chiropractic? It was like as soon as he found I was not a candidate for surgery, he was done with me. I felt neglected.

 

I have lived with a stiff achy neck for many years...now I know why and I need to know what my focus should be on to minimize the degeneration of this thing. Do I need a pain management doctor? Should I see a regular orthopedics doctor instead of a spinal specialist?

 

How 'bout a guru shaman from the Amazon?

 

My anxiety is going crazy here, I'm going to see another spinal specialist tomorrow in Wall, NJ. Maybe I'll pretend to be mute and have my wife do all the talking seeing how everything I say comes out pretty incoherent.

 

Anyway, just a status report on my neck for those of you who might be interested in knowing.

 

My withdrawal status? I'm having miseralbe sleep-with-no-rest (I wake up feeling just as sh*tty as I did when I went to bed), anxiety is through the roof, overpowering depression, panic? that'll require another post.

 

Crybaby? As horrible as I feel now, I really don't care.

 

And the hardest part about all this: I have to appear "normal" at work.

 

I have a long, long, long history of major depression and (you-know-what) ideation. I pray God shelter me (and all of us) with his loving Grace, that we may survive the trials and tribultions associated with withdrawing from these horrible concoctions...that He may guide us by the still placid waters of peace and serenity and give us the HOPE that we all need to continue on.

 

Peace to all

 

Dave

 

 

 

 

[[th...]]

Re: Coolweather.

 

I don't have anything awesome to say here except that I just wanted to chime in that I feel so much of what you're saying, and am sending you enormous and desperate brain-hugs. 

 

This morning I sat in the car before getting dropped off at work and just cried, dreading the rest of the day approaching.  I'm currently at my desk, shaking, watching the time tick slowly by.  I try my hardest to explain what I am thinking and feeling to the only two people who really TRULY want to hear me out, my mom and my bf, but I try to avoid the parts where I WANT TO GIVE THE EFF UP.  Because they're trying really hard to encourage me, and I'm trying really hard to encourage me, so I try to keep that part down as much as possible, but it's eating me up and I'm terrified.  I REALLY want to quit my job.  Most days lately.  Every day the same panic sets in, 'How am I going to do this, I can't do this'.  Today is worse than yesterday.  How long can I maintain this?  I keep thinking how easy it would be to just lay down and die.  Except then I realize that.. It really wouldn't be easy at all.  Nothing seems easy, and everything often seems hopeless.  (I also went through an especially disgusting time with Effexor in September of last year, UGH.  Haven't had an antidepressant effect me that badly EVER, and I've been on most of 'em.  So sorry.) 

 

Yes, it is helpful to hear BB's who have been here say 'It will pass' and know that they mean that from their own experience.  But then when the waves come crashing down, it seems like some far-fetched fairy tale of an idea.  Like, maybe it worked out for them, but me?  I can't do this.  Then the tiny windows come where things seem normal for a second.  And they're gone again.  But I know they'll be back, and I just keep hoping they'll be back for longer and longer, and the waves will get shorter and shorter.  Eventually. :/  I've never related so much to the AA 'one day at a time' thing.

 

*hugs to all*

[[Co...]]

Thank you all for the support. I really does mean a lot to me.

 

Panda, your words are very moving and it is comforting to know that there are other people in the EXACT same situation as me. Effexor and Klonipin is quite the combo huh? We sure got the best of the SSRI/Benzo worlds! I am curious, what taper steps did you use for your Klonipin withdrawal? Do you consider 0.125 high?

 

In fact, do people here in the Klonipin Klub consider 0.125mg every 1 to 2 weeks to be too high of a step for someone coming down from an initial dose of 2mg? It is about 6.25 percent.

 

By the by, I took my afternoon dose a couple of ours early and I am feeling A LOT better. This makes sense since the reduction I did was from my night time dose. I will try to hold on my current taper step for one more day, hoping that things get better. I will also take an 'emergency dose' with me to work tomorrow. Tonight I just want to crawl in bed and watch netflix.

[[dm...]]

Coolweather,

 

I've been holding my K for over a month while I eliminate my halcion. But when I resume cutting my K, I will be doing .0625 mg every two weeks or so (maybe 10 days depending on how I feel).

 

I think, for me at least, .125 per week or two weeks is a bit too fast. But you know what they say: Everybodys different! Some people can tolerate faster bigger cuts than others...

 

Smooth tapering!

 

Dave

[[Di...]]

Coolweather,

 

I've been holding my K for over a month while I eliminate my halcion. But when I resume cutting my K, I will be doing .0625 mg every two weeks or so (maybe 10 days depending on how I feel).

 

I think, for me at least, .125 per week or two weeks is a bit too fast. But you know what they say: Everybodys different! Some people can tolerate faster bigger cuts than others...

 

Smooth tapering!

 

Dave

 

Hi Dave, I'm in the same boat as you.  The .125 is too big of a cut for me, IMO.  Just seems like it will take 4-ever to get off the stuff at this rate.

[[be...]]

Hello all,

 

It's nice to see a thread that's designated to klonapin withdrawal.  It will be good to get to know all of you and help support each other.  Soon we will all be part of the many success stories on this site.

 

benzofree

[[be...]]

@[co...]

 

I am sorry you're going through these stages.  Just know I went through something similar, mine last several years and I had no idea what it was.  I would lock my office door as well and break down in front of my boss and co-workers.  I have been off benzos for over 8 months now and I have a much better hold of my emotions.  As bad as it may seem now and as much despair as you're in, it does get better.  Just keep your head up and know that you can get through all of this, it will not kill you.  Also it might be a good idea to email or call as many of your friends and family as you can to try and get support through this process.  I emailed all of mine and sent them this link http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Benzodiazepine_withdrawal_syndrome.  It let all of the people closest to me know what I was going through and what I would likely go through for sometime.  You can do this, keep it going. 

 

benzofree

[[dm...]]

Hey coolweather, you CT'd all that benzo?

 

WOW, what an accomplishment...I sure wish I had your chemistry!

 

Take care.

 

Dave

[[dm...]]

...HALCION...NO MORE!

 

Dave (still scared crybaby)  :'(

[[be...]]

...HALCION...NO MORE!

 

Dave (still scared crybaby)  :'(

 

Congratulation for being off Halcion!!  Dave I am sorry you're going through this but it will get better, just try and keep yourself as busy as possible even if that means just a 20 minute walk.  Your body is just healing and it will take some time, everything you're experiencing are normal withdrawal symptoms.  Give yourself a break and a free pass and allow yourself to heal.   

[[dm...]]

Coolweather,

 

I've been holding my K for over a month while I eliminate my halcion. But when I resume cutting my K, I will be doing .0625 mg every two weeks or so (maybe 10 days depending on how I feel).

 

I think, for me at least, .125 per week or two weeks is a bit too fast. But you know what they say: Everybodys different! Some people can tolerate faster bigger cuts than others...

 

Smooth tapering!

 

Dave

 

Hi Dave, I'm in the same boat as you.  The .125 is too big of a cut for me, IMO.  Just seems like it will take 4-ever to get off the stuff at this rate.

 

Hi Disney,

 

Yeah, I know what you mean. I figure I'll be cutting my K for at least another 10 months (4 months per pill and I have 2 1/2 .5 mg pills to go).

 

But at least I was able to eliminate the halcion fairly rapidly. Ashton manual chap II shows its the only exception to the slow taper rule...it can be cut quick. I eliminated .5 mg in about 8 weeks.

 

But the klonopin? No way...its a monster that must be defeated over time. COMMITTMENT.

 

Always a pleasure to see you on the boards...God bless and take care.

 

Dave

[[re...]]

Good morning, friends -

 

I'm just checking in briefly to wish everyone comfort today--I'm travelling (not far, but a day trip, and I'll be offline).  Take gentlest care of yourselves, everyone.

 

Peace,

 

Rek

[[ja...]]

Good morning, KK of the BB -

 

Got some cool stuff to relay today, but I wanted to start off by saying that for those of you who are suffering, there are good diversions and things you can do to help yourselves. I've got almost a year behind me Klonopin free, and I assure you I went through hell and am still dealing with residual stuff, particularly a pretty profound memory loss.

 

But this is addressed to everyone, particularly those of you sinking deeper into depression - there are things you can do to help yourself - you are still capable of that. Rek and I always stress the benefits of meditation, and that doesn't have to be sitting in a lotus position and contemplating your navel. I described it recently to a man suffering from Stage 4 stomach cancer. All of us daydream, right? For me, I like to listen to music with a little "video" in my mind - for instance, dancing effortlessly in the sky. That is meditation for that 3 minute song you are listening to. I sometimes listen to club music. Why not? There are no rules to meditation.

 

Deep breathing also rocks. Try 5 breaths - do it for me, and let us know how it goes. Just try it, I make a promise, it's great. Also, someone said to me early on when I was twitching like a banshee, simply read a book as a diversion. Given, I could hardly read at the time because of my suffering, but when I could, it was great.

 

You guys know that I don't take anything lying down. It takes something huge to make me question hope. So here is what I'm doing about my memory loss: I did research on how to combat this. I'm reading a book addressed to cognitive dissonance as a result of substance abuse (and other causes of memory loss) and bought a book of puzzles and brain teasers. Started it last night and got stuck on the very first puzzle - so I went to the second and solved it. Also, I read up on "brain food" and got pumpkin seeds, walnuts, blueberries, tea and pomegranate juice. Not the least caloric, but I need to be able to think.

 

Combat this awful thing. Really. You can do it - I did and I still do. I say don't take anything lying down. You are stronger than Klonopin and the withdrawal symptoms.

 

I'll end with a little joke. My husband and I collected enough "points" at the supermarket for a free turkey breast, and I cooked it. Afterward, when I ate it for 5 meals, I told my hub that I "wanted to quit cold turkey". Seriously. Enough cold turkey. 

 

Hugs to all! 

 

jaxnj

[[Ju...]]

Well maybe after that sweet message from jaxnj you can handle my sorrow. I was so sure that THIS time I could taper- slowly and with dedication and mindfulness. But after barely making a change (see below) I've had two days/nights that I think are worse than anything I've ever had before. Muscle cramps, headache, anxiety, insomnia, sweating, nausea. I am waiting for my doctor to get back to me about prescribing Valium to try the crossover. If this is "kindling" is there still hope that the crossover will help?

 

 

[[Co...]]

Hey Guys,

 

Thank you all so much for the support. I am feeling much better today. I really do think it was the Alcohol. Going to stay at this step for at least one week while I stabilize. Much blessings, be healthy!

[[Oc...]]

Hey all!

 

Rek - your words are always inspiring, you make such an concerted effort to be there for anyone in need and I feel safe speaking for all of us when I say thank you, truly, from the bottom of my heart.

 

That as well goes to the rest of you who pop in to wish everyone well, and to assure all of us that we are not alone - not a single one of us. No matter at what stage of the withdrawal sx we are at.

 

Jax  - That was amazing and I love that you wrote that. So many wonderful warm fuzzies. I do believe that we all will live through this and when the day of refreshment comes, a dark veil will be lifted from our eyes and we will breathe the air as if it's never been breathed before. Such things make our lives that much more precious, and that much more awe inspiring.

 

I took the leap yesterday, after my week of awful withdrawal sx. The first day I felt stable, I leaped. I can't say it's wise, but it's necessary. I just have to be ready, to brace myself and remind myself that no matter what comes, it will pass. I mused earlier on the effects of chemotherapy, how it made my aunt feel session after session, for over a year straight - and she knew she was dying. Yet each of us has our relative health, though not without complication, we have days ahead of us and more days with no determinate time table from stopping us as though today would be our last. It is okay to day it day at a time, in fact I prefer it, but don't neglect to look forward to tomorrow. That is part of hope, is it not?

 

The nausea, muscle spasms, the shaking, buzzing feelings in your skin; The easy sweats, high blood pressure, feelings of disassociation with the world around you; The anxiety, the depression, the lows and highs of life, the short fuse, the inability to think straight.... This, all of this will pass.

 

Coolweather, I didn't get around to saying so earlier, but you are so very brave and strong. You are beyond welcome here, you are appreciated. Alcohol will mess you up pretty heavily, but a lesson learned I suppose. Such things can be very individual, so all that I would say is mint tea! It makes the head feel better, clearer - add a little lemon. Sip and relax into a comfy position and put your mind to a slow paced jog with something you can enjoy.

[[th...]]

Thank you all for the support. I really does mean a lot to me.

 

Panda, your words are very moving and it is comforting to know that there are other people in the EXACT same situation as me. Effexor and Klonipin is quite the combo huh? We sure got the best of the SSRI/Benzo worlds! I am curious, what taper steps did you use for your Klonipin withdrawal? Do you consider 0.125 high?

 

In fact, do people here in the Klonipin Klub consider 0.125mg every 1 to 2 weeks to be too high of a step for someone coming down from an initial dose of 2mg? It is about 6.25 percent.

 

By the by, I took my afternoon dose a couple of ours early and I am feeling A LOT better. This makes sense since the reduction I did was from my night time dose. I will try to hold on my current taper step for one more day, hoping that things get better. I will also take an 'emergency dose' with me to work tomorrow. Tonight I just want to crawl in bed and watch netflix.

 

I guess it's silly to feel sheepish about my taper, but I do, because I didn't really do it very measured.  (I guess I worry that it's my fault for doing it wrong, and that's why it's so bad.  Or that people will look down on me or something.  Probably stupid paranoid thoughts, I dunno.)  I didn't do much research BEFORE I tapered off, but I was aware of seizure risks, so I knew I had to at least wean off.  Once I got through the initial shock from my bupropion/gabapentin tapers (shutting this whole carnival freakshow down for a while, if I have to go back on any meds once I'm sure this w/d is over, it's going to be approached in a much, much different way..), I started cutting the klonopin out in halves.  I think I did about .5mg every week-ish.  I really had no point of reference as to how one should taper, and didn't even know what 'titration' was.  To be honest the biggest cuts, I can't remember.  It wasn't until the end that I was (slightly) more controlled with my doses.  Went from 1mg to .5mg and 1mg switched up every other day, then the next week .5mg, then the next week switched up .5mg with .25 every other day for a week, until I was switching up pieces smaller than a quarter of a 1mg tablet every few days.  Not very precise.  :/  I assume that if I had done it slower, it wouldn't be this bad, but once I got close to the end it was so awful I was determined to jump and get it over with as soon as possible.  Once the hallucinations stopped and I realized that I was still having really serious w/d symptoms and found resources like this online, I realized that I was far from over.  Still holding out for the possibility I'd have to reinstate at a small dose, but really really hoping it doesn't come to that.

 

I am all about some blankets and Netflix lately though.   I can't wait until I'm able to read again.  I find myself sitting around not feeling able to move properly, let alone focus on printed letters in a book, but so restless and alert.  Just holding out for things to get better.  I feel like they're getting worse every day but I know that's probably not true.  The windows of feeling like things might be on their way to getting better are just very sparse and brief.  I guess the worst parts for me right now are the intense sensitivity to light and sound.  It's so hard to explain to other people that yes, the light in this room IS TOO BRIGHT, even if it looks normal.  The wind coming in the car windows is causing me great pain.  It sounds so dramatic when I try to explain, I hate it, and then I just start crying.  Heh.  Working on better communication skills.

 

Just holding out for improvements, trying to take it one hour at a time.

Hoping for relief for everyone today. <3

 

Janx-- Just wanted to share my appreciation for your positive post as well.  Reminded me (Always being reminded of something I just forgot!) of my intent to put more thought into meditation.  Seems like something I should just do instead of research, but I don't know where to begin with anything right now, and gotta start somewhere right?  But, really appreciate your encouragement.  Just hearing someone who's been there say certain things will get easier-- never gets old.