The Klonopin Klub

[[Br...]]

Hey, hope all are well! I've only posted here a few times. Was wondering if anyone knows about the .125mg dissolvable tablets? Do they work? Can they be split and used to help with a taper? Thanks!

[[ea...]]

I am not sure what to do about taking the Advil. It does help the aching in my bad leg, but....nor would I want to prolong this w/d crap. Odd....I havent taken it in maybe two days and last night, I had some unpleasant stomach stuff. Go figure.

east

[[dm...]]

Hello my KK friends,

 

I started a new symptom. The other night I was awoken by an extremely painful anus. Feeling like I had to take a massive bowel movement but with nothing in there. I sat on the toilet rocking and pushing (in pain) until it gradually subsided on its own (after about 15 minutes) and I went back to bed.

 

I woke up the next morning with a chronic low deep ache in the rectal canal, adjacent to the tailbone. Gets worse when you sit, gets better when you stand or lay down. its stable, unchanging, and chronic. Been living with it for about two days now and its really freaking me out.

 

A little research on it and I think its either chronic proctalgia fugax, or Levator Ani Syndrome. Like so many other symptoms...the medical community is clueless as to its cause. Maybe related to the spinal stenosis in my neck, pinched nerves in my neck, or pinched nerves in my lumbar spine. Who knows.

 

I intend to see my GP to check my prostate. Rule it out.

 

Huge pain in the butt...literally, and its no joke.

 

Falling to pieces.

 

Very annoying and worriesome.

 

Dave

 

P.S.(almost done with the halcion...yaaayyyyy  )

[[...]]

Bro, sorry, K in that dosage, is not available where I am.  dmw:  I've had that pressure you speak of ... i guess I never really felt comfortable sharing it and it did go away when my whole intestinal system started acting more normally although I still have spells that go both ways.  I really had to start drinking a lot more water and that really did seem to do the most for kind of straightening that whole process out for me.  I know you've seen a number of specialists so I won't try to diagnose... but after reading so many of your posts, I think some of this is related to the w/d.  I know my whole gastric system has taken a tremendous hit, but I am better than I was 2 months ago or even just a few wks ago... I've had to become downright neurotic about what I eat but it has helped.  Have a good day all.  I'm putting the final preparations for my trip together today.  I don't feel excited but I did wake up at 4:30 am.  I venture forth! ... tomorrow, but if I get done what I need today, tomorrow can happen.  Njoy

[[Mo...]]

dmw- my dad actually has perpetual stomach/anus problems unrelated to anything you are going thru. I mention it because problems in the back door are only funny until you are experiencing them! When my dad is feeling fine we joke about it and have a good time but when he gets a flare up of symptoms in his stomach and rectum the pain is so bad that joking about it is impossible. Hope it's nothing too bad for you, probably is related to the back stuff and isn't a prostate issue or anything. Congratz on your Halcion!

 

Ive been absent a bit from BB since ive been feeling better. Anxiety, headache, and rapid heart rate are the only 3 symptoms i have at this point. The big news is on Thursday I jump :) . That means a return of symptoms im sure, but also freedom from benzos. True healing begins thursday and that's pretty exciting. On another note, im fairly sure my sister is trying to kill me. For easter she brings me an entire cookie cake covered in chocolate frosting and then made me and my roommate a batch of chocolate chip cookies. I had headache and rapid heart rate before that sugar avalanche and they obviously got worse after. Im so weak to chocolate lol! But really, she might as well just get me diabetes in a can next year.

[[...]]

now, now, Mogeii:  I'm sure she meant well. 

[[li...]]

lol ...

 

Lizie

[[dm...]]

Hello kk friends,

 

going to see a spine specialist tomorrow to review my MRIs of my neck and lower back. I'm so scared that there is more damage now due to a benzo-rage event two days after the MRI that had me jumping up and down on the kitchen floor. I mean really jumping hard... legs spread apart, bent forward, arms extended with clenched fists...up and down, hard...and with all the degenerative disc disease I have, I don't know if I inflicted more damage.

 

I have to let the specialist know about it but I don't know how. I can't tell him I was in a benzo rage induced panic...

 

So scared...tomorrow I'll get the full dope on my neck and back before the rage...I need another MRI I think, of the whole spine...top to bottom.

 

and with this new thing going on in my butt...

 

terrifying...

 

all sorts of s*icidal ideation going on...but thats normal for me. Never a serious attempt.

 

I pray for God's grace...for me and all of us.

 

Dave

[[No...]]

Pardon me for rudely barging in without even introducing myself, but I'm new, I'm a mess, and I need help. 

 

Here's the situation:

 

- Currently at 1mg after tapering from 2mg since January

- Symptoms are intense and almost entirely physical (almost unbearable sensitivity to stimuli, severe insomnia, pain, etc.)

- Called shrink who's been prescribing all these years, though I haven't seen her regularly for many years and go up to 2 years between visits

- Told her I'd read Ashton and wanted to switch to valium. Without allowing me the courtesy of finishing my @#(*!( sentence, she said, "No. Klonopin is longer acting than valium." 

- She insists on seeing me (understandable) & will call tomorrow w/time for Friday appt. I asked if she'd at least look up the Ashton Manual. She said she would, but I'm thinking she was lying, since she didn't ask for any specifics or write down a name

- She essentially *ordered* me to go up .5mg immediately. I said I didn't want to do that. "You have to at least go up .25mg." Um, no, I really don't. I've been at this dosage for a week and I have no intention of going backward, but I saw no point in arguing with her

- There are no doctors in my area on the "benzo-wise" list

- I have about 70 pills left

 

So, what to do?

 

Should I somehow find a way to make this appointment and hand this woman a printed copy of the Ashton Manual? She's probably not going to help me, but maybe I can plant a seed for the next victim of her irresponsible prescriptions. OTOH, I'm weak, have vertigo, am exhausted, and get overwhelmed by the thought of leaving my house and being bombarded with light and sound and motion right now.

 

Should I drag myself to the appointment and nod in agreement with whatever she says to ensure I at least have access to further prescriptions? I'm thinking about just ordering valium from an online, overseas pharmacy (I'm in the U.S.). Is that completely nuts?

 

Should I forget her entirely and taper my way out of this with the 70 1mg tablets I have left? My brain is fried and I can't do the math to know if this is feasible.

 

Or, should I go outside and smash my head into a tree until I lose consciousness? This is the option that sounds most appealing to me at the moment. 

 

Thanks for reading this and I'd appreciate any thoughts the more experienced might have. I'm having a bad day. 

 

 

 

[[Di...]]

Best wishes on your jump, Mogeii!

[[...]]

dmw  I can only speak from experience but my guess is you would already be in the hospital if you had done something really serious... most of what you said makes me think you're problems have been developing over time or you had a particular trauma or both.... either way.... the spinal area is all enmeshed in the CNS ... you really can't separate them and if you had really hurt yourself ( and I think I do this to myself all the time ... just stretching... I think.. oh my G!  I've really done it this time.... but its hard to hurt yourself.) I really think that you would not be typing and trying to convey what is happening to you to anyone but somebody w/ a pain med in hand .... if you had hurt yourself significantly and more than whatever sx you had going in... you're in a lot of distress so anything that was real before your meltdown could be sending referred  pain anywhere and there are so many nerves in the spine... even w/o the trouble that you know you have ... I see  a number of people who complain of problems re. pain in the back.... so, it just makes sense to me that you are feeling normal exaggerated sx from the real trauma in your back... but, my guess is any further damage was limited.  That being said... you could have a hair line fracture that you have exacerbated... but I really don't think you'd even be home now.  Just my  thoughts... wish I could offer something to help but my expertice on backs is limited to personal experience.  I do know.. you only get one... I've already messed mine up... I don't want to have a similar effect on anyone else... just trying to distract you from the pain... mostly.  Good luck tomorrow.. perhaps they can finally move forward w/ some relief for you.  Njoy

[[...]]

DG:  I'd definitely try to placate her, at least... you will likely need her.  I think you need to go up... only... if you cannot manage the severity of these sx.  Especially if you lose access to refills, you'll have to make what you have work.  It really bothers me about how these drugs are just prescribed for years on end w/ no supervision.  If I practiced my craft w/o supervision, I'd lose my credibility.  If you can stay where you are... start tapering, count out what you've got, how best to make it as smooth as you can and go as peacefully as you can into benzo night... we'll leave the light on.  njoy

[[Ju...]]

Obviously we are all different and deal with things differently, but can anyone explain why there seems to be uncertainty about whether a valium crossover is right for people getting off klonopin? Has anyone tried both ways and preferred one over the other?

 

Also, for those of you who started klonopin because of anxiety in the first place, how do you talk yourself out of the fear that the anxiety is returning when it is probably just withdrawal symptoms? I have done a lot of therapy and EMDR and I really think I have conquered a lot of what got me here, yet anxiety still becomes overwhelming when I try to reduce the klonopin.

 

Thanks for any thoughts, and I appreciate the fact that this resource is here!

[[No...]]

@[ N...], you addressed your post to DG, but I think it was in response to me. Thanks much for your input. I think you're probably right that I'm stuck with this shrink and will have to placate her to get through this. I've read enough to feel reasonably certain that I'm an ideal candidate to switch to valium, but unless I order it from overseas, it's looking impossible. I think I will print out the Ashton Manual and take it with me, anyway, though. A psychiatrist should at least know that Klonopin isn't longer acting than valium. Oy!

 

@[ J...], I'm too new at this withdrawal stuff to be of any help, but I did start taking Klonopin for anxiety/OCD/insomnia, and I'm aware that it could come back on me at any time. So far, I've managed to keep myself relatively stable mentally by continually reminding myself that the awful physical stuff going on is a manifestation of my brain healing--not failing.

 

That said, it's easy to see how these symptoms could induce a panic attack. I'll be sitting quietly on the couch one second, and the next, my heart is hurling itself against my chest, my skin is burning, all that nasty stuff. I guess I'm essentially having a panic attack, but I'm not acknowledging it as one ... if that makes any sense.

 

The insomnia is a different story. That's back with a wicked vengeance. The Klonopin stopped making me drowsy years ago, though. The difference now is that I'm staying up all night, all the next day, and into the next night instead of staying up until 4 am. I have NO clue what I'm going to do about it.

 

Okay, now I'm just babbling incessantly.

 

I'm sorry we're all going through this. 

[[...]]

JKS:  Coming off K is just a rough experience for those of us for whom it is a rough experience... I'm really holding off on doing any c/o... I have enough stuff to deal w/ when I come off the K as it is... but from everything I've read, and I've been surfing these boards for about 4 months now, valium makes for a nice c/o.  You have to taper from that when you're done but many people  report positive results.

[[dm...]]

Njoy,

 

Thanks for your kind helpful words concerning my anxieties over seeing the spine specialist tomorrow...my paranoias are impenetrable. SPine Center, Columbia/Presbyterian University Hospital, New York City...I get to drive in Manhatten tomorrow  :'(

 

Thanks again for your support

 

Dave

[[Ju...]]

Thanks guys. I had a thought after reading your replies that helped me and might help someone else. Why wonder if panic is because of K or other reasons? It's still just a feeling that has to be coped with through positive strategies. There's no going back now

[[el...]]

Hi NoKlonoNo,

 

I would definitely see this doc on Friday (you need the scripts), but print off the pertinent sections of the Ashton Manual so you can show her a c/o schedule and why going to valium is the recommended way.  I started the c/o myself (hence the 2 mg V!) but decided to dry cut klonopin after the c/o was a problem for a fellow member (I got scared).  The valium should make you more drowsy so you may be able to sleep better.  When I get down to .125 I may do a final c/o and just taper v.

 

I would calmly express what you want to do when discussing your taper with your doc.  I wouldn't make enemies since she may come around and help you in the long run.  70 tablets may not be enough.  If your symptoms are so intense, going up a tiny bit may give you relief until you decide the direction for your taper.

 

Just my 2 cents worth

 

Good luck and pls post how your appointment went.

 

Ellen

[[re...]]

Hey, folks -

 

I've been really scarce, I know, and I'm sorry--I get hijacked sometimes by ordinary life. 

 

As has been usual for me lately, I can't manage many individual responses right now, but I have to say something to NoKlonoNo, because, well, NKN, those symptoms you described--many of them--sound woefully familiar to me (and to many others here, I know): the extreme sensitivity to stimuli, for instance, and the insomnia.  And the doctor-frustration--so many doctors (medical, psychiatric, whatever) are incredibly obtuse on this subject, and it makes me nuts.  I take it you don't want to try to find a different psychiatrist?  Maybe it's a case of "better the devil you know."  At any rate, I think you've gotten good advice from others here on how to handle the immediate situation.  Play along up to a point--bring in the Ashton Manual, or the pertinent pages.  As you say, it may not do any good . . . but then again, MAYBE she'd think twice before cavalierly handing out a prescription to the next unsuspecting victim.  Honestly, where do these doctors get off??  Anyway, I went through a hellish time trying to quit just 1mg of clonazepam; reinstated twice (had no idea what I was doing), then finally made if off on the third try, jumping painfully from .5mg, not realizing that this was essentially cold-turkey.  Symptoms were horrendous for a couple of weeks, more bearable after that, and have been manageable for most of the eight months (roughly) that I've been benzo-free.  The symptoms are not gone, but I have my life back, and--I think--most of my central nervous system!  I expect the rest to follow eventually.  I tell you this to try to give you hope!

 

Dave, I agree with NJoy--you probably didn't do any significant further damage, or you'd be flat on your back in the hospital now.  Try, if you can, to breathe and unclench--if you can, it should help, at least a little.  It's great that you're almost ready to ditch the halcyon--    Anyway, wishing you well with your upcoming appointments.

 

And of course wishing everyone well, wishing everyone some decent SLEEP!

 

Peace,

 

Rek

[[No...]]

@[ d...] Wishing you the best for tomorrow. What you've written about your medical situation is bad enough, but having to drive into Manhattan on top of it all? I can't imagine. I have to psyche myself up just to take out the garbage. It's, like, 10 steps away from my house. 

 

@[ e...] Thank you for the advice. I agree: It's not the time to make enemies with my shrink (even though I hate her at the moment, rational or not). I can't bring myself to go up on the Klonopin, though. Honestly, every time I have to take it now, I feel like I'm swallowing poison. I'd try valium at this point if for no other reason than to be done with the Klonopin. I feel like my brain is saturated in Klonopin. I can't wait for this to be over (slow is best, though ... I get it ... and I want to give myself every chance to succeed).

 

@[ r...] I *so* appreciate the hope. You have no idea. (Or, I guess you probably do...) I'm hoping for the best once I'm done tapering, but realistically, I'll likely have problems for a while. I've been on this for a long time. But I can't wait to be done with the pills.

 

And no! No new psychiatrist, lol! I'll probably become more reasonable about all of this down the road, because I do believe shrinks and medications have their place <del>at the bottom of the ocean</del>, but I'll be delighted if I never feel the need to set foot in another psychiatrist's office as long as I live. I've had two of them in my life, and frankly, they're both off. If you were to see the three of us at a party, I'd be the last one you'd pick as the mental patient--even now, with my insides turned to jelly....

 

Thanks again for the responses. They help. 

[[Sk...]]

Resuming my taper tomorrow.  Kind of nervous...

[[ja...]]

I have to psyche myself up just to take out the garbage. It's, like, 10 steps away from my house. 

 

And no! No new psychiatrist, lol! I'll probably become more reasonable about all of this down the road, because I do believe shrinks and medications have their place <del>at the bottom of the ocean</del>, but I'll be delighted if I never feel the need to set foot in another psychiatrist's office as long as I live. I've had two of them in my life, and frankly, they're both off. If you were to see the three of us at a party, I'd be the last one you'd pick as the mental patient--even now, with my insides turned to jelly....

 

Thanks again for the responses. They help. 

 

Hi NoKlonoNo, welcome...I'm jaxnj, "old timer" I guess, coming up on 11 months off the K after 20 years of usage - you totally made me grin. I felt like I was reading my alter ego's post - lol

 

So hey, NKN, you're in the right place. I had a little insomnia myself last night Anyway, the biggest thing that jumped out at me from your post is that extreme sensitivity to stimuli. Good Lord. This was probably the best and worst thing about withdrawal. Best because it's incredible colors, sounds, the feeling of touch, taste! As I was coming off the K - 2 mg "taper" of 6 days (obviously not a taper) - the first thing I noticed was the absolutely spectacular salad dressing I had. It was like ambrosia, seriously, and lo! It had just been some junky Ranch dressing the day before?! My sense of taste was unreal - following the heavenly salad dressing, I tasted everything on my plate and it was all seriously tasty. I'll never forget that.

 

The worst part of the stimuli intensity was my sense of sound. I couldn't listen to the radio or TV, and when I was in an elevator (which happened daily for my job), the "pinging" had me holding my ears and my eyes would tear up. But that was worth it, when my sense of sight kicked in. This past Fall, I was driving around and the colors were amazing. I asked my husband then if it was a particularly vivid autumn, and he said it was just normal. I didn't believe him.

 

Since I had given up the Klonopin completely, I didn't have any to fall back on. But I agree with you about not going back up .5 when you've made it to 1 mg. I feel that docs don't always have the answer when you're feeling differently about your progress. My w/d sxs were so monumental that my doc wanted to reinstate me 3 times. I actually did call him to reinstate but he wasn't there, so by the grace of God I held tight and got through. I will say this: in my life, I have had bilateral total hip replacement surgery (at age 26), and excruciating foot surgery - but nothing, nothing compared to my Klonopin withdrawal symptoms. For me, that's how difficult it was. So...good luck and check in with us.

 

Jump, Mogeii, jump!! Good luck, my friend!  Diabetes in a can - you crack me up, girl. I simply can't live without chocolate myself - I eat dark chocolate at night, and of course justify it by saying it's heart-healthy. But I also eat chocolate cheerios, Fiber One chocolate brownies...I've just given in. But I've also lost 12 pounds in the last few months, so - you know - I should probably eat more. Because it's healthy. Helping my weight loss. Yup. Really.

 

Hey Reks, thanks for checking in. I always wonder how you're doing, as you probably know. I think you're the best friend I've had where I didn't know your real name - lol. We're actually looking to move south a bit, so I thought of you. I love the south and west of my state much more than central and especially northern. Know what I'm sayin'?

 

Tired today. Had a good Easter with my husband and MIL, but my MIL is a serious piece of work. She's so immature - she sits and plays video games all day and when we asked her to turn down the volume, she says, "Oh geez!" This is a 64 year old woman who does the absolute minimum for others - I mean, yes she does the dishes, but we have to clean them again. How hard is it to get dried egg off a spatula?

 

It's been a neat couple of days. I've had a chance to see the forsythia and green buds to come out on some of the plant life of Jersey. It changes hour by hour, so quickly. What a luxury to see this - I have to say I'm enjoying being unemployed. I'm very actively looking for work, though. Monday's interview at the academic publishing company went very, very well. I feel I'm perfect for the job. The one thing that worries me is that they've been looking for the "perfect candidate" for over 6 months. Why should I think that little me is the perfect candidate? And I have a phone interview tomorrow with another company, and a third that's waiting to see if I get the first job and if not, they want to move forward with me.

 

So anyway, as always, hugs to all and keep fighting!

 

jaxy

[[ho...]]

Hey SkyZone,

 

All the best on your taper! I was nervous when I began too. Now I'm excited. I know it won't be a picnic, but each day that I dump more I feel I'm one baby step closer to my goal.

 

Congrats on your decision to resume.

 

hopeful2013

 

[[No...]]

Hi everyone. I hope you are all well.

 

I'm having an issue that I can't get over. I have nasty dizziness/vertigo daily and I'm extremely depressed and borderline suicidal because of it. I'm so scared that this is permanent.

 

Has anyone else suffered this while tapering k? Did anything help? When did it go away? I don't know how much longer I can deal with this.

 

Thanks

[[el...]]

Sky - good for you in resuming your taper.  Good luck to you!

 

Nomore - I am sorry you have the dizziness/vertigo.  I have a bit of it upon waking and sometimes it affects my balance when walking.  I am still tapering so I'm hopeful it will go away.  From others' blogs I read that it does go away permanently.