50 and over club- withdrawal and recovery issues for the aged :-)

[[Ne...]]

Hi all!

I need to join this group. I am 57 and in my 7th month of being off K. I was taking .25 for the first few years. The last couple I took .50 a day. Overall, I think I was on it for about 7-8 years total. Now  that I'm off, I thought I'd be feeling considerably better...NOT! The thing that has persisted is the insomnia. I usually sleep a total of about 4-5 hours a night. And the anxiety is still with me...anyone else?

The scariest thing for me is the dizziness. Some days I feel like I can't even go out of the house.

And my BP is low, usually around 100/65 but today the top number was in the 90's. This has me really in a panic. I know I should try for more exercise, but I don't feel like doing anything when I feel like this, I'm trying to remember to read the Success Stories, but I thought I might get some calm from checking in with a group of people who are around my age. Anyone who has any advice or suggestions? It's just good to hear from you all!

New Girl

[[Sh...]]

Welcome New Girl!

 

Sorry you need to find yourself here.  But if going through all this benzo mess is inevitable, you will find a lot of support and encouragement from folks going through the same thing.  Dizziness was/is my worst symptom too.  I totally get why you often have to just stay in.  But mine has steadily improved the farther out I get and yours will too.  Labile blood pressure, both high and low is also pretty common.  Just hunker down, distract yourself as much as possible and ride it out.  You will get through all this and reclaim your life.  Hang in there!

 

XX

She

[[Ne...]]

Thx She! It was good to hear from you! I guess I just need to distract myself somehow.

When I get the anxiety going, it's hard to concentrate on anything!

Oh well, maybe try some light exercise tomorrow. Here in Pa we had a pretty good snowstorm.

I see from your profile ypthat you live in sunny Fla. 🌞I wish I was still there, I returned from

a trip with my husband a few weeks ago. I need the sunshine on my face and the vitamin D.

Hugs,

NG

[[Sh...]]

Thx She! It was good to hear from you! I guess I just need to distract myself somehow.

When I get the anxiety going, it's hard to concentrate on anything!

Oh well, maybe try some light exercise tomorrow. Here in Pa we had a pretty good snowstorm.

I see from your profile ypthat you live in sunny Fla. 🌞I wish I was still there, I returned from

a trip with my husband a few weeks ago. I need the sunshine on my face and the vitamin D.

Hugs,

NG

 

Yes DISTRACT!  Netflix is my best friend.  We love Florida, although we have lived in Pennsylvania too, in Bucks County.  The cold and snow was daunting there.  We are cold (for us) here in Florida right now too.

 

XX

She

[[MT...]]

Thx She! It was good to hear from you! I guess I just need to distract myself somehow.

When I get the anxiety going, it's hard to concentrate on anything!

Oh well, maybe try some light exercise tomorrow. Here in Pa we had a pretty good snowstorm.

I see from your profile ypthat you live in sunny Fla. 🌞I wish I was still there, I returned from

a trip with my husband a few weeks ago. I need the sunshine on my face and the vitamin D.

Hugs,

NG

 

Yes DISTRACT!  Netflix is my best friend.  We love Florida, although we have lived in Pennsylvania too, in Bucks County.  The cold and snow was daunting there.  We are cold (for us) here in Florida right now too.

 

XX

She

 

Hey She, I grew up in Bucks County in Southampton. We must have been neighbors of sort. It sure has developed since then. I've moved south too but not as far as you.

[[Sh...]]

 

Hey She, I grew up in Bucks County in Southampton. We must have been neighbors of sort. It sure has developed since then. I've moved south too but not as far as you.

 

Hi MT.  We lived near Doylestown during the 80's.  Great schools, nice people, but we like it way better where we are now! 

 

XX

She

[[la...]]

New , I too get the dizziness DAILY and I am yet off

 

I live in NY and everything is closed here due to the storm...supposed to get another 8-10" today on top of the 10" we got yesterday

 

exercise is the ONLY thing that I can do that brings my anxiety down to baseline

 

I walk...on treadmill obviously now due to weather, but outside otherwise

 

as dizzy as I am I push my self to do it to get my anxiety under control some

 

 

[[Ne...]]

Thanks for th welcome ladies! This seems like a great thread and a good place to be! I was

on the KK thread a while ago, but most of the familiar folks don't post much anymore.

I still keep in touch with a few through pm, but I'm finding that I need the support with

these crazy symptoms. I suffer mostly with insomnia and now the dizziness. Only 3 hours last night.

Its almost 10 am and I'm still in pjs...not good! I feel so tired all day. It gets depressing after a while :'( I need to get out of this house. Been stuck in with the snow.

So, we have a few Bucks County people I live in Jamison now but spent 25 years in Newtown.

We love it here, but the cold is hard to take as I get older. Would love to retire someplace where it's warm, but I don't see that happening for a while!

Lainey, you are having the cold that we're having. I just came back from New York last week. My son got married there. What part of NY do you live in?

So good to be here. I usually post late at night or early, early in the wee hours when I'm up with the owls

XO, New Girl

[[wa...]]

Hi New girl -- presently living in Montgomery COunty, PA -- so many PAers or exPatPaers on here!  I'm tired of the cold, too.  Lets all start a recovery village somewhere south of here!  WBB

[[Ne...]]

Hi Wanna,

Hubby grew up in Montgomery County! What are we still doing up here in this part of the country freezing our butts off . Always needing a laugh for the day...

NG

[[MT...]]

I'm all in for a recovery village! Somewhere with a chef, massage therapy, hot tubs and quiet, gentle distraction.

 

New girl, I hear you on the insomnia. That's my most difficult symptom-the one that makes facing the day most difficult. Sleep deprivation sucks but pajamas sure can feel good.

[[so...]]

New girl,

 

Your BP is a healthy low normal.  It's a good thing.  I'm in California and the rain here is finally easing up.  We don't have extreme weather like the rest of the country, but any small changes effect how we feel.  I used to be dizzy too, but it went away just like yours will.  All these symptoms go away eventually and living life will be effortless.  We won't be constantly focused on how we feel.  That concept is really hard to attach to right now, but it'll happen.  In the meantime, we wear somewhat raggedy, but very comfortable, clothes.  We make each other giggle with symptoms we're all experiencing that are other-worldly.  We eat food like it's medicine.  We watch Netflix to distract if we can.  We wait for it all to change.  It will.

 

Sofa

[[la...]]

NG-  I live in Liverpool, NY

 

Try to describe your dizziness...

 

mine is EXTREME off balanced, gait is bad...I feel literally light headed as if I am going to pass out..(BP is normal)  head bobs constantly

It truly is debilitating symptom

 

and now I am getting plagued with insomnia too and as I stated before I am YET off the poison

[[Ne...]]

Sofa,

I like the idea of wearing comfy clothes .sometimes I need to schedule to go out so that I can change and put on lipstick! I don't do it often but I think of what my mom with the lipstick. She always used to say "put on a little lipstick...you'll feel better!" I'm not sure about that, but I try every now and then. I like that fact that we make each other giggle. I know I can use that every now and then.

Lainey, the dizziness comes and goes. But I notice it more when I get less sleep. Less sleep these days means  2 or 3 hours instead of 4 or 5. I wonder when I'll ever get a full night's sleep again. I feel so tired all day long. Maybe the longer days, with more sunlight will help. I know when I get outside and walk, I feel a little better. Is Liverpool all the way upstate NY? My daughter went to auniverdity of Scranton. I think if you go straight up north, you might end up in a Liverpool. I also have a friend who has a family home up in Watertown. Is that far from you?

Ok ladies, time to sit in the chair again and snooze 😴 Anyone watch college basketball?

Take care all...xo

New Girl

[[Co...]]

New girl,

 

Your BP is a healthy low normal.  It's a good thing.  I'm in California and the rain here is finally easing up.  We don't have extreme weather like the rest of the country, but any small changes effect how we feel.  I used to be dizzy too, but it went away just like yours will.  All these symptoms go away eventually and living life will be effortless.  We won't be constantly focused on how we feel.  That concept is really hard to attach to right now, but it'll happen.  In the meantime, we wear somewhat raggedy, but very comfortable, clothes.  We make each other giggle with symptoms we're all experiencing that are other-worldly.  We eat food like it's medicine.  We watch Netflix to distract if we can.  We wait for it all to change.  It will.

 

Sofa

 

I love this, Sofa.  Thanks. 

[[wa...]]

NG-  I live in Liverpool, NY

 

Try to describe your dizziness...

 

mine is EXTREME off balanced, gait is bad...I feel literally light headed as if I am going to pass out..(BP is normal)  head bobs constantly

It truly is debilitating symptom

 

and now I am getting plagued with insomnia too and as I stated before I am YET off the poison

Sorry to hear this Lainey -- I read over and over again about how hard the end of a taper is.  Once you are finally off, you will be looking forward to these sxs leaving, I bet.  You are on the long hold thread, too?  WBB

[[Co...]]

Just realized maybe I should introduce myself for the thread.  I'm 51.  Withdrawal sucks, and I want to feel better and be myself again.  DP and anxiety/depression are making everything seem a little otherworldly and nightmarish right now, but overall, I think my baseline of symptoms is on a steady but very slow trajectory of improvement.  One of the worst things for me I think is resulting from both my age and the DP and depression - I'm kind of feeling like my best years are gone, gone, gone and my life is pretty much over.  This is really distinctly different from how I've perceived my life and my value in the past, so I know it's the benzos talking, but it's still horrid to go through all the same.  Sometimes I feel a little like Rip van Winkle... I've woken up recently from a benzo-nightmare, and my marriage is over and my children are gone.  I was taking benzos during this entire "phase" of my life (the lovely "divorce and children leaving home" phase).  Intrusive thoughts and regret are really overwhelming, and we all know that in 50+ years, anyone will have a lot to regret.  I'll be glad when these sorts of emotional symptoms are gone. 

[[Ge...]]

NG-  I live in Liverpool, NY

 

Try to describe your dizziness...

 

mine is EXTREME off balanced, gait is bad...I feel literally light headed as if I am going to pass out..(BP is normal)  head bobs constantly

It truly is debilitating symptom

 

and now I am getting plagued with insomnia too and as I stated before I am YET off the poison

 

Wow you are catching up to me Lainey.  I had to hold.  I hope you get to feeling better soon. 

[[la...]]

NG-  I live in Liverpool, NY

 

Try to describe your dizziness...

 

mine is EXTREME off balanced, gait is bad...I feel literally light headed as if I am going to pass out..(BP is normal)  head bobs constantly

It truly is debilitating symptom

 

and now I am getting plagued with insomnia too and as I stated before I am YET off the poison

Sorry to hear this Lainey -- I read over and over again about how hard the end of a taper is.  Once you are finally off, you will be looking forward to these sxs leaving, I bet.  You are on the long hold thread, too?  WBB

 

 

NO on the long hold thread...THAT was a huge mistake (for me)  I held 5 months and it got me no where but backwards..

[[la...]]

NG,    Liverpool is a suburb of Syracuse

 

[[Sh...]]

Just realized maybe I should introduce myself for the thread.  I'm 51.  Withdrawal sucks, and I want to feel better and be myself again.  DP and anxiety/depression are making everything seem a little otherworldly and nightmarish right now, but overall, I think my baseline of symptoms is on a steady but very slow trajectory of improvement.  One of the worst things for me I think is resulting from both my age and the DP and depression - I'm kind of feeling like my best years are gone, gone, gone and my life is pretty much over.  This is really distinctly different from how I've perceived my life and my value in the past, so I know it's the benzos talking, but it's still horrid to go through all the same.  Sometimes I feel a little like Rip van Winkle... I've woken up recently from a benzo-nightmare, and my marriage is over and my children are gone.  I was taking benzos during this entire "phase" of my life (the lovely "divorce and children leaving home" phase).  Intrusive thoughts and regret are really overwhelming, and we all know that in 50+ years, anyone will have a lot to regret.  I'll be glad when these sorts of emotional symptoms are gone.

 

Welcome ComingHome!  I'm glad you are seeing a gradual improvement overall.  That's awesome.

 

We might be "older" but we are certainly wiser.  Benzos have wised us up in many ways.  We do have to be realistic and acknowledge that more of our life is behind us than ahead.  But I don't intend to crawl to the grave, which lets face it, could be another 30 years God willing and if my genetic inheritance holds up.  That's too darn long to throw in the towel!  YES, benzos took many years of my life and I still have symptoms day to day that can be mild or debilitating, and everywhere in between.  I am still in the process of healing and hope to reach 100%.  But if that's not in the cards, I will still make a conscious effort to get up every day and try to find the joy that is there.  I'm going to rage! rage! against the dying of the light!  Easier said than done I know and my resolve waxes and wanes.  But its a goal.

 

She

[[la...]]

NG-  I live in Liverpool, NY

 

Try to describe your dizziness...

 

mine is EXTREME off balanced, gait is bad...I feel literally light headed as if I am going to pass out..(BP is normal)  head bobs constantly

It truly is debilitating symptom

 

and now I am getting plagued with insomnia too and as I stated before I am YET off the poison

 

Wow you are catching up to me Lainey.  I had to hold.  I hope you get to feeling better soon. 

 

you held for 5 months?  holding was a nightmare for me....I want to just get this CRAP out of me

[[on...]]

I totally agree with your sentiments She Who Must- if we dwell on the years lost we can not make the best out of whatever time we have left on this earth. I am trying to enjoy each day free of xanax and to be grateful I am alive and stronger than I ever thought before I began my taper. Many days- like yesterday are very challenging- the waves can still suck you under...but moving forward and embracing life is the only option we have!

[[Co...]]

I totally agree with your sentiments She Who Must- if we dwell on the years lost we can not make the best out of whatever time we have left on this earth. I am trying to enjoy each day free of xanax and to be grateful I am alive and stronger than I ever thought before I began my taper. Many days- like yesterday are very challenging- the waves can still suck you under...but moving forward and embracing life is the only option we have!

 

Such true words, On the Road and She.  We can't move forward if we're looking backwards.  I've lost so much... years of memories, my marriage and home, my daughter...  But getting off antidepressants and benzos is my first step in admitting that I do want to live and embrace my life.  I think the way we are all fighting the good fight is proof that we have what it takes to make it, and to move forward into a better future. 

 

:smitten:

[[Sh...]]

I totally agree with your sentiments She Who Must- if we dwell on the years lost we can not make the best out of whatever time we have left on this earth. I am trying to enjoy each day free of xanax and to be grateful I am alive and stronger than I ever thought before I began my taper. Many days- like yesterday are very challenging- the waves can still suck you under...but moving forward and embracing life is the only option we have!

 

Such true words, On the Road and She.  We can't move forward if we're looking backwards.  I've lost so much... years of memories, my marriage and home, my daughter...  But getting off antidepressants and benzos is my first step in admitting that I do want to live and embrace my life.  I think the way we are all fighting the good fight is proof that we have what it takes to make it, and to move forward into a better future. 

 

:smitten:

 

Well that was yesterday when I felt optimistic and hopeful.  Today I got up and went to find joy at our local art museum.  The combination of walking around, looking at the pictures, listening to the taped guide and trying to read the written descriptions put me over the edge.  My brain just would not do all that at the same time.  I had to leave after 15 minutes because I could not keep my balance.  A black depression followed soon afterwards along with such irritation and lashing out at my sweet husband for no good reason.  He left the house to go on a long walk to just cope.  I am sad and cast down and feeling like an orphan out in the storm.  I feel like a yoyo being flung out and reeled in by the schoolyard bully.  Never know what to expect day to day and so not in control of what's happening.  So today was not a day I realized my goal.  But there's always tomorrow.  Whoever reads this, thanks for listening.

 

She